Planning a funeral

A funeral is a very significant occasion that should reflect the wishes of your loved one – if they made a Will, it may include instructions – and is an opportunity to remember, celebrate, respect and pay tribute to them. It is a bridge between what was – the familiar – and what will be – the unknown – so take your time, discuss your decisions and give the arrangements the careful thought they deserve.

You may feel worried that you have forgotten something – the next few pages will help – but if you feel overwhelmed by the pressure of organising the funeral, share tasks with friends and family, or ask your Funeral Director or the person leading the service for help.

You can contact the hospice Chaplain if you would like to talk about your thoughts and ideas, or if you feel you need our support in any way before or after the funeral service.

You should also understand that you are not legally obliged to hold a service or ceremony; you may simply prefer to arrange a cremation or burial only.

Choosing a Funeral Director

A Funeral Director will make all the arrangements on your behalf. There are some excellent ones locally but you may want to ask friends and family for recommendations.

Choose a Funeral Director who is a member of either the National Association of Funeral Directors, or the National Society of Allied & Independent Funeral Directors; both have Codes of Practice that the Funeral Director must adhere to.

Once you have chosen a Funeral Director, call them to make an appointment. You can go and see them, or they will come to you at home. You may find it comforting to have a family member or friend with you at the appointment.

You are not legally obliged to use a Funeral Director and if you would prefer to, you can make all the arrangements yourself. Advice is available from your local council or the Natural Death Centre.

North Somerset Council

T: 01934 888888

Somerset Council T: 03001 232224

Natural Death Centre

T: 01962 712690

Decisions you will need to make

It is best to go to your appointment with your Funeral Director having already thought about a few things, as they will come up during the appointment. If you are planning the service yourself, this list is also very useful:

Will it be a burial or cremation? Do you want there to be a religious service, or a nonreligious ceremony, or a combination of the two? Is there a Church or Crematorium that you would prefer for the service? Is there anyone in particular that you would like to lead the service? Are there any dates or times that are best, or should be avoided? Are there any songs, music or hymns you’d like to include? Are there any readings, personal or otherwise you’d like to include? Do you want to hand out an Order of Service? Would you like flowers, family flowers only, donations to charity*, or a combination? Do you want to see your loved one in the Chapel of Rest? Would you like to have your loved one dressed in their own clothes?

*If you would like guests to make donations to the hospice, we have some ‘In Memory’ envelopes that we can provide.

Questions people often ask

Do I have to say anything?

Not if you don’t want to. You may wish to ask someone to speak on your behalf, like a friend, family member or the person leading the service but you don’t have to do anything at all.

Can children attend?

Yes, and depending on the age of the child this should be encouraged. Children often feel excluded from the funeral and then become worried by what they imagine happens. The hospice has a range of good books to help you explain death and funerals to children.

Is there a right or wrong way to organise a funeral?

If you are following specific religious customs then there may be certain things that require inclusion; your religious leader can advise you of this.

Otherwise, no – you can include the things that are important and will give you comfort and strength on the day. It’s important not to feel pushed into anything, or feel you should do something because someone else has suggested it.

How long does it take to organise the funeral?

Usually the service can take place within 6-10 days of death but it can depend on:

How limited you are in terms of dates and times How busy the Funeral Director, crematorium, cemetery or church is Whether your religion requires burial to take place rapidly

Do I have to organise an event after the service?

Again, this is your choice, or may be determined by your religion. If you do want to hold an event, think about:

Whether you want a simple buffet or something more formal How much it will cost How many people are likely to attend A suitable venue – perhaps at home, or a local pub or hall

Paying for the funeral

Always ask for an estimate before confirming any arrangements with your Funeral Director and consider getting more than one quote to compare costs.

You can pay for the cost of the funeral from your own funds or it can be paid for from your loved one’s Estate, if they left enough money to cover the cost. If there are funds held in their bank account, the bank will often pay the Funeral Director from this money if you notify them and show them the original invoice from the Funeral Director. If there are no readily available funds it may be necessary to wait until Probate has been granted and funds can be released to meet the cost.

It is important to remember that by signing the Funeral Director’s contract for making the funeral arrangements you will be legally liable to pay their fees, even if there is not enough money in the Estate, so you should discuss this with the Funeral Director and be clear how the funeral will be paid for before finalising the arrangements.

If there are no funds available you may be entitled to help with the funeral costs via a Funeral Expenses Payment. The Department of Work and Pensions on 0800 731 7898 or www.gov.uk can give you information on eligibility. If you do receive a Funeral Expenses Payment it will still have to be paid back but this can come from the deceased person’s Estate.