Coping with bereavement

After the death of someone close, most people experience grief and go through a period of mourning. How you grieve may be affected by a number of factors, such as your relationship with the deceased, the way your loved one died, your age, gender, beliefs, cultural background, previous losses and your personality.

Whilst many of your feelings after bereavement will be very personal to you, there are a number of recognised reactions that you may experience. If you are finding your reactions difficult to cope with our Family Support Team is here to help.

There are two recognised reactions to bereavement:

Loss – allowing yourself the feelings and emotions caused by your bereavement and wanting to come to terms with your loss.

Restoration – wanting to take actions to rebuild your life, such as sorting out your loved one’s affairs, going back to work, participating in social activities and learning new skills to help deal with the situation.

Complexity of emotions

However you focus yourself following your bereavement, it’s likely that the death of your loved one may be a source of stress, which can show itself both physically and emotionally.

Here are some of the experiences and emotions that may become familiar to you:

Shock - Shock is common in the days and weeks following your loved one’s death and may cause you to feel shaky, numb, empty and out of touch with things around you. You may also experience difficulty breathing, tightness in the chest, nausea and fatigue – these are all very common symptoms of shock.

Numbness - Whilst a feeling of numbness may be distressing, it is a very natural reaction. The mind only allows us to feel loss slowly so this numbness protects you from feeling too much pain all at once – this may help in getting you through the practical arrangements.

Disbelief - It is natural to find it difficult to believe your loved one is no longer with you and when the death is untimely it is even harder to accept the permanence of loss. The thought ‘this cannot really be happening’ may occur.

Confusion, panic and fear - Time is required to take in the enormity of your loss and it often helps to talk it through with other people. The funeral and the remembrance ritual may help you to accept the reality of loss.

Searching - Numbness and shock sometimes give way to an overwhelming sense of loss and you may find yourself instinctively searching for your loved one by calling out their name, talking to photographs or searching for them in the street. You may ‘see’ your loved one, or hear them talking to you.

These experiences can be alarming and distressing but are very normal physical and psychological reactions to losing a loved one.

Bereaved children will, like adults, be feeling the pain of losing a loved one. They may be grieving very much but not show it in ways you would expect. They tend to grieve in spurts and go through periods of time seemingly unaffected. Younger children will find it hard to understand the reality of death. A bereaved child of any age, however, will need the attention, support and help of a sensitive caring adult. If you have concerns about a bereaved child and are not quite sure what is best for them, we are able to offer advice, information and support.

Family Support Team

We know what it is to grieve and how difficult and confusing this time can be so we want to be here for you for as long as you need us.

You may have already spoken to our Family Support Team, or this may be the first time you are considering it, either way, we want to support you through the varied and often difficult feelings you may experience after your loved one passes away.

If you feel that you’d like to speak to a member of the team, please do not hesitate to contact the Family Services Manager, on 01934 423900.

How else can we help?

Buddy Groups

Members of our Buddy Groups have all lost their loved ones at the hospice and may relate to you in a way others cannot. They meet regularly to support each other. Call the hospice for details of your nearest group if you feel this may be a good way for you to work through your grief.

Memorials

Our Chaplain holds a memorial service every June and December to remember dear friends and family who passed away whilst being cared for by the hospice. It’s a wonderful opportunity to see old friends and staff from the hospice if you feel you need to share your memories of a loved one with them. We will send you an invitation but if you would rather not receive one, you can let us know by calling 01934 423960.

We also remember loved ones at Light Up A Life services where you can make personal dedications to loved ones and watch candles and lanterns glow in their memory. There is more information about this event on our website or you can call us on 01934 423960.

Community Companions

If you were visited by a Community Companion before your loved one died, they will remain available as a listening ear should you need one during the first few months of your bereavement.

A lasting tribute

You may wish to remember your loved one by helping the hospice to care for other people facing something very similar. Many of our volunteers and supporters are people we have known for a long time through their journeys with us. There are several ways you could do this and we’d be delighted to talk to you about volunteering, making donations in memory of your loved one, setting up a Tribute Fund or leaving a gift in your own Will.

Getting in touch

Whatever you decide you need us for, or whenever that might be, we will be here. So please get in touch anytime you like.

Bereavement Support, Chaplaincy, Patient Services

T: 01934 423900

Volunteering

T: 01934 423975 E: volunteering@westonhospicecare.org.uk

Donations in memory, tribute funds and gifts in wills

T: 01934 423960 E: supporter.care@westonhospicecare.org.uk

Weston Hospicecare

Jackson-Barstow House | 28 Thornbury Road Uphill | Weston-super-Mare | BS23 4YQ

Weston Hospicecare