How to Help a Grieving Friend

by Expert Contributor Robert L. D’Anjolell, Jr., F.D., of DANJOLELL Memorial Homes

Walking beside a friend who has lost a loved one is no small task. It’s a journey that will test you, and at times, have you feeling helpless because you can’t take away their pain. As difficult as the road ahead will be, there are a few things you can do to offer your friend comfort, hope and healing.

Show Up

Don’t say “Let me know if you need anything.” Under normal circumstances, many people aren’t comfortable asking for help because they don’t want to burden others. When people are grieving, their normal ability to make decisions is overwhelmed by intense painful emotions. This is your time to step up by taking care of the things you know they need. It could be a simple trip to the grocery store, delivering a favorite meal or lending a helping hand with the yardwork. Now is the time to talk less and do more.

Listen

Sometimes people just need someone who will sit with them and listen. Your friend may want to talk about how they’re feeling or just share stories of their loved one. In either case, it’s important to remember to say less and listen more. Of course it is hard to accept and acknowledge that your words cannot fix this or make it all better, but your friend will appreciate your silence more than you know. When grief can be expressed verbally, and without judgement, space is created for good feelings such as acceptance and peace of mind.

Remember the Little Days

Everyone remembers the big days: the holidays, the anniversaries, the birthdays and most especially the day their loved one died. Be that friend who remembers the little days. Share the stories and the meaningful moments of the days that their loved one lived. And don’t worry, you won’t be ruining your friend’s day if you send a random text or pick up the phone. It just may very well make their day a bit brighter!

Be There for the Big Days

Your friend may not want to celebrate the big days, especially during that first year, and that’s okay. Let your friend decide if they want to skip the family festivities. Someday they may come back around, but allow your friend the space and encouragement to navigate this new path.

By offering your compassion, understanding and support, your grieving friend will begin — when they’re ready — to trust that their pain and sadness will eventually be replaced by joy from memories of happier days.

Expert Contributor Robert L. D’Anjolell, Jr., F.D., of DANJOLELL Memorial Homes

DANJOLELL MEMORIAL HOMES AND CREMATORY

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The Many Ways We Can Help You Honor the Life of a Loved One:

Butterfly Releases • Memory Tables • Bookmarks with Seeds • Flower Selection • Dove Release Picture Boards • Remembrance Jewelry • Online Remembrance • Candlelight Ceremony • And more

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