Wendy Magazine

Wendy

O

READ ME BITS & BOBS / WISE CHILDREN / LETTERS TO GRANDMA / TASTY TREATS / SOCIALLY HOPELESS / I LOVE MY SHOP

----->

Editors Letter

I’ve finally settled in to my big-girls apartment, and I can finally call this place my home.

There’s nothing like having all your stuff around you. Artwork finally hung on the walls, piles of treasured books and magazines organised, a proper place for my sewing machine and my favourite tea cup waiting in the kitchen. I’m thoroughly enjoying being a homebody and housewife, baking lots of lovely treats in the kitchen (p21.) and making gifts for all my friends (p20.). Now all I’ve got to do is juggle a successful career too (p29.). For now I’ll just write my stories (p27.) and carry on making wonderful Wendy. Spending time with her always feels like coming home.

Bethan O Page One

10

Contents

A LITTLE PIECE ON AN AMAZING MUSICIAN: PAGE FIVE. Robin from wise children talks to Wendy about music, love and lego.

A LITTLE PIECE ON WRITING LETTERS: PAGE SEVEN. The lost art of writing.

11

27

A LITTLE PIECE ON DITCHING YOUR BEAUTY REGIME: PAGE EIGHTEEN. You really don’t need all those lotions and potions.

A LITTLE PIECE ON DELICIOUS TREATS: PAGE TWENTY-ONE. Get stuck in to some seriously tasty recipes.

29 3

10

Three. Bits and Bobs Five. Wise Children Seven. Letters to Grandma Ten. Socially Hopeless Eleven. Esra Roise Fifteen. Book Club Eighteen. Stop Scrubbing Twenty. You Crafty Fox Twenty-One. Tasty Treats Twenty-Two. Oh Let Us Be Lovers Twenty-Three. Kelly Thompson Twenty-Seven. ANA - a short story Twenty-Nine. I love my shop

Page Two

Bits & Bobs

B its & B ob s

FILL IN THE BLANKS WITH...THE LOST BOYS Hello, my name is Daniel but you can call me Fish Finger. The best thing about being a songwriter is you can write songs about all the problems going on in your life- it helps get stuff out! In a way I'm grateful to all the girls who broke up with me, otherwise I'd have no material! At school I was the curious kid, which meant on my first day of school ever, I opened up a beanbag to see what was inside, got polystyrene balls everywhere and was sent home for it. Well unfair. I couldn’t live without my guitar. My words of wisdom are, never underestimate the power of good party food. Cheese and pineapple are not to be sniffed at!

DANNY DID GOOD If it’s possible to have feelings for a t-shirt then this must be love. One of our favorite illustrators Danny Roberts has been busy putting his fabby illustrations and paintings on to tee’s and vests. This The Girls In Glasses design printed by the lovely people at Boarders and Frontiers is our fave. Quick, snap one up before they’re gone, at igorandandre.blogspot.com.

EBAY We found this lovely treat whilst trawling the Aladdin’s cave of eBay. This 1940’s birthday card is too good to give away but too adorable not to buy. Only £3.00.

Page Three

Bits & Bobs

BRITISH TALENT Patriotic web store notonthehighstreet.com sell products from over 1,600 of Britain’s small independent and super creative businesses. And what a bunch of talented people they are! Hand picked to sell on this webby these designers and manufacturers only produce the highest of quality items. What a wonderful way to support Britain’s creative folk. We especially love these Cross-stitch Blue-tit Hair Grips by Magasin, which have been lovingly hand stitched by Sarah Fordhamand. Even the lovely Fearne Cotton has been spotted wearing one of her oversized cross-stitch badges. These delightful grips are sold to you at the splendid price of £8.50. Wait are you waiting for, go grab yourself a tit.

MY FIRST TIMES WITH...THIS BOY First time you played live in front of an audience? The first time I played in front of a live audience was at a school talent contest.

I was 11 and sang Elton John's "Your Song", to this day I still think it was my best ever vocal performance. First time you had a crush on someone? Must have been when I watched Spiderman in the cinema, I thought Kirsten Dunst was just amazing. My first crush on a non-celebrity must have been when I was eight, I really fancied a girl in my class and did the typical thing to get her attention by tripping her up in the playground.

First time you moved out of your parents’ house? I moved out to come and study music at the Academy of Contemporary Music, I was 17 and definitely not ready for it. First time you fell in love with an album? Was when I listened to Lenny Kravitz, it was the only album I could listen to for months, after that it is probably every Kanye West album ever made. Or MJ, I believe this answer will change daily as tomorrow my answer would probably be Eric Clapton or Antonio Forcione.

PUCKER UP! Move aside glossy lips, here comes the dawn of the matte.

Wendy is seriously crushing on bold lipsticks this month, but none more than the collection of Vogue Matte Velvet lipsticks by cosmetic fashion house Lord and Berry. Bold lips have never looked so beautiful - we want one in every colour! lordandberry.com Page Four

Wise Children Wise Children

Something about Robin. He has a beautiful voice.

Wise Children’s haunting lyrics resonate with dark undertones, coupled with their simple but spell binding melodies, this band will hypnotise you with their stories of love and woe. The tender voice of Wise Children, Robin Warren-Adamson, talks about love, lyrics and lego.

Hi, How are you? Very well thank you.

Describe where you are and what you see?

I'm sitting on a sofa in my parent’s kitchen. In front of me a dog is head-butting the door to the kitchen because she has an eye-infection and this action is presumably helping. Describe what you do. At the moment I write a lot of music. Mainly for Wise Children, a folk-project I started two years ago, and for a handful of other projects which are still in their embryonic stages.

Composition is what really gets me buzzing. I try to write intelligent music that is meaningful whilst also being accessible. Describe how you do it.

Musical ideas and arrangements usually precede lyrics. I just stumble upon small motifs or chord patterns that I like and then the rest just sort of stretches out before me in my head. So I work out how to play what I can hear. This is mainly done on guitar or piano. Lyrics are written as Page Five

a separate piece of poetry and then moulded so as to work within the song.

Tell us why you do it. Writing genuinely gives me a rush. It's pretty much the only task that I can sit and do without distraction. I'm always anticipating doing the next thing and hurrying along to get the current task done, but with writing/composing I won't stop until it's perfect. And of course it never is. It's that stooping over a dimly-lit desk in the early hours of the morning sort of image.

Performance is of course highly exciting and exhilarating, but a major part of that is because I am performing my ideas to an audience. What is the most important thing about your work? I think the most important thing is progression. Always reflecting on ideas, learning, and then developing. I like not knowing what new things I will be producing in the future and where my head will be, things that come with life changes, changes in musical trends, and developments in technology.

What do you love most about it? I love having an audience; people genuinely reacting to it. And that it is music, and music is brilliant. What are you working on at the moment? I'm re-working an older song. It used to be called 'Small Pets' but definitely will not be now. It's

Wise Children

almost finished, I'm just struggling to find chorus lyrics. It's going to be pretty up-beat and it's really going to swing.

Where do you draw your inspiration from?

Two places; personal life experiences and interesting stories perhaps in literature, in news, or in media. For example I Found Her in the Bath was based on a series of devastating events that happened to a fairly well known media figure a few years ago. If you weren’t making music, what else would you be doing? My degree was in anthropology, so maybe being an anthropologist whatever that means these days. Probably some 'social'-type job following the inexorable trend amongst family members. What is your favourite book or story? I'm not going to say Wise Children because it's definitely not. I've always raved about a novel called The Secret History by Donna Tartt, as well as Middlesex by Jeffery Eugenides, but both were read quite a while ago. What fairy tale character are you most like, and why?

Robin Hood, because if I had any money I'd give it to 'the poor'. What are you proudest of? My new baby… MacBook Pro. It sleeps with me. Who or what was your first love? Lego. 'Love' would be an understatement. Who or what is your

greatest love? I have an all consuming love for Hugh Grant in his many roles as the diffident english romantic. What is your favourite song to go to sleep to? I prefer to go to sleep to voices rather than music, so Radio 4. And your favourite song to wake up to? Not something I commonly do, but I'd happily wake up to one of the more mellow Sigur Rós songs every morning. Possibly Heysátan or Staralfur. What did you last dream of? I recently dreamt I was in a house which reacted to your actions and thoughts. So when I said something that the house didn't like the foundations began to shake. I was actually staying at someone else's house. We could read fairly deeply into this but let's not. Tell us something about yourself that not many people know.

I've had a piercing at the top and near the front of one of my ears for about four years but hardly anyone knows about it because it's always just covered by hair.

Gosh!

O

Page Six

Letters to Grandma

Letters to Grandma the lost art of letter writing

Sending a letter is like showing up unexpectedly at someone’s door – a wonderful surprise (and generally much cheaper).

Letters are personal in more ways than just the words you put down on paper; they are a physical connection from one person to another. Created by your hand and sealed by your lips, they travel across the country, oceans or the world to land on their welcome mat, where it is invited in like a long lost friend. Newfangled forms of impersonal communication will never replace the human bond that letters create.

My mother has always been a stickler for etiquette and as children, my siblings and I were encouraged (quite possibly forced) to write mountains of ‘thank you’ notes and letters to every friend and relative under the sun. The skills I learnt in this labour camp of letter writing have not been lost but have become a part of who I am and how I communicate to this day.

However, not all letters were obligatory. My Grandmother and I have shared a written correspondence since the day I could write. Each month I send a note card sporting a picture of a startled looking cat or some lavender fields - the kind of images old people like - and in response I get to hear all about Ziggy her miserable cat, and the spring bulbs she always seems to be planting - no matter what the season.

I love receiving these handwritten snippets of her life, the

“My garden is looking very pretty at the moment with lots of lovely spring flowers in the container pots. I have just bought a new bird table as my old one was broken when the fence fell on top of it.”

Page Seven

“I hope that you are keeping well and well wrapped up against this cold weather. I don’t think I have known it so cold for October, I hope they keep the heating up high for you at Uni.” personal information of her daily routine animated by her beautiful cursive script. I fill her in on the trials and tribulations of being a modern twenty year old and she lets me know what it was like to be twenty in the 60’s. Every now and again there will be a little monetary donation to my cause, which, generally gets spent on a bottle of red, but she doesn’t know this.

This back and forth of information sharing is one of patience and anticipation something that the younger generations now lack.

In a world of instant info and ‘click of a mouse’ speed what do we have to look forwards to?

I relish the tangible gift of the written word, the injected personality of handwriting, I like to pick out the sender’s voice and hear them read it to me. But most of all I love that you can curl up on the sofa with a cuppa and get stuck in to a letter full of gossip as if was a juicy novel.

Other than my Grandmother, the only other person I still frequently write to is my sister. Now she writes a completely different type of letter to the ‘The Country Diary Of An Edwardian Lady’ style prose my Grandmother adopts. Being from the ‘Facebook’ generation my sister has retained nothing from her English language lessons at school. Nonetheless I too love these notes of randomness, poor grammar and teenage drivel:

Letters to Grandma

“Hello young bean, I hope you’re okay, firstly don’t you think this summer has gone so quickly? And have you enjoyed yourself? Heard you have been working like a trooper! My room is a mess – surprise surprise and with clearing bits and pieces up I found this necklace, which I knew you loved last Christmas, and I have never worn it. So I’m giving it to you hoping you’ll do a better job at wearing it than me.”

Most of our words are used up over the Internet or in texts, and most of these wasted words can hardly be called words for you won’t find any of them in the English Dictionary (although I’m sure they can be rooted out on UrbanDictionary.com). Whatever happened to the charm and intrigue of a personal letter, one of private thoughts, best wishes and love declarations?

There’s nothing quite like the excitement of expecting post, running to door as you hear it drop to the floor, the recognition of handwriting, ripping the letter from its tidy enveloped home.

The ‘ping’ of an email doesn’t quite have the same effect I’m afraid.

I don’t know of a more satisfying way than getting to know someone via letter. There is something delicate and personal about a letter, a gift, designed to be read by you and only you (not by every Tom, Dick and Harry stalking you on the Internet).

I’ve got boxes of letters; love notes from old boyfriends, notes from school passed from one friend to another, serious letters and witty letters. All memories documented and savoured.

What the heck are we going to leave in our legacy?

The username and password to our email accounts?

O

“Life here is much the same, except to say that Ziggy has been very poorly for the past few weeks. He had an operation to remove all the tartar on his teeth, which left him feeling very ill. He now has to take medication for high blood pressure and kidney problems.”

Letters not only serve a purpose here and now, they are also a window in to the dusty past, they give us the ability to be transported to another time and place.

Page Eight

Letters to Grandma

How to write a letter

Style and Manner

Friendly Letter Format

The language should reflect the way you speak to the person you are writing to, just like a conversation but on paper. The style of writing depends on the terms of familiarity between you and the receiver. Don’t go writing a deeply personal letter to your boss, I doubt they would appreciate it all that much.

Your Address followed by the Date

Originality Be original. You are unique and your letters should reflect this.

The world is full of uninspired imitators, don’t be one. In your letter be your lovely self, the person reading it should be able to hear your voice.

Etiquette Every letter requires an answer – even the boring ones! To not reply is just as rude as ignoring someone who is talking to you.

In the reply, acknowledge that you received their delightful letter and reply to any questions or comment on any points that they made.

Letters should be as clean as possible, (no scribbling or crossing out) the state of your pages will reflect on you, if it is too horrendous to send, simple rewrite.

Page Nine

Salutation (commonly ‘Dear’) Body i.e. all your juicy gossip or love declarations Closing (commonly ‘Sincerely’) Signature that’s the customised squiggle of your name P.S. If you were silly and forgot to mention something in the Body

Socially Hopeless

Socially Hopeless The rise of the awkward woman.

Embarrassment is commonly described as a feeling of self-consciousness, shame, or complete and utter awkwardness. Some of us indulge in a daily dose of humiliation, generally with a side order of; stomach lurching, flushed cheeks, dry mouth, sweating and the desire to possess Harry Potter’s cloak of invisibility.

Most people acquire, the skills and techniques to slip through life, gracefully dodging socially awkward situations. I on the other hand am one of the select few who will forever be the girl who snorts when she laughs and walks around oblivious to the loo roll stuck to the bottom of her shoe.

There are only a certain number of times you can tread on the back of people’s heels and wave at someone who wasn’t in fact waving at you, before you realise you will forever be an awkward person.

For me the act of greeting is a painful event. There are so many rules and protocols; do you go for a somewhat formal handshake, a friendly hug, a polite kiss on the cheek or even a bold double kiss? Normally I find the safest option is to simply mimic the actions of the person who is to receive said greeting.

However, actions can easily be misinterpreted and body parts can suddenly clash. There is little worse than going in for a peck on the cheek, only to be met by a full on man hug, for the result will always be, yes, a shameful ‘neck kiss’, embarrassingly intimate and completely inappropriate in the majority of situations, yet something I partake in more often than I’d like to.

You acknowledge your inner klutz, laugh it off, get up and walk away. DO NOT stay on the ground for a prolonged period of time - this will only draw attention to yourself, and try your hardest not to cry, as this will just make you feel worse.

A close friend of mine also finds herself in cringe-worthy situations on a regular basis. She’s the girl that finds herself at a party singing along at the top of her voice with all her friends only to realise that she is in fact singing the wrong lyrics, sure they sound similar, but no, they’re wrong. Using her black belt skills in the art of indignity dodging, instead of hiding in shame she carries on spurting out random words and noises until it turns in to one big hilarious joke. This, my friends, is how to elude such graceless situations.

Surely somewhere out there is an appreciation society for awkward women: a group of funny and intelligent but social inept females who have stumbled through their teens self-conciously and are now limping through adulthood tongue-tied and flustered. If there is, can my friends and I please join?

O

There are however, a few simple ways to ease the pain of embarrassment. Let’s pretend you’re walking along; merrily minding your own business and a crack in the pavement suddenly attacks you. You’re lying face down, skirt up, on the floor. What do you do?

Page Ten

Esra Roise

Something about Esra. She knows how to draw.

What were you like as a child? What were your interests?

I grew up in a very big family with lots of siblings, and our house was out on the countryside next to a big forest so I was walking around and exploring a lot. I was never a very wild kid though; when things got too hectic I would always retreat to my little drawing board and just zone out for hours.

Did you start drawing at an early age?

It sounds really corny, but I’ve been drawing for as long as I can remember...reading books and drawing really were my first loves.

What led you to illustration?

To tell you the truth I’ve never really pursued anything else. Ever since I was a kid I knew I wanted to draw, and all the choices I have taken education-wise has been a step on the same path.

But it didn’t occur to me until six years ago that I could actually make a living out of it. I quit my day job at the skateboard shop and it was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, but I’ve never regretted it. I love my job and I feel very fortunate that I get to do the one thing I love the most and actually pay the bills with it.

What was your first commissioned illustration? Were you scared to release something that you had artistically created?

“Hi. I'm Esra, a Norwegian freelance illustrator based in Oslo.

Inspired by: seemingly small unimportant everyday situations, and snapshot photography with their impulsiveness, bad cropping and weird angles. People around me, the fashion industry, music, awkward moment and imperfections.”

Page Eleven

The first really big commission I made was actually a children's book and I was terrified - for the first three years I was scared to death every time I delivered a project... haha.

Who has taught you the most in your career?

My first year of pursuing art was at a very traditional art school where we did a lot of nudes and a lot of croquie - I had very

Esra Roise

talented teachers and I am immensely appreciative for the years I spent there which very much shaped the way I draw today.

I'm also thankful for my mother that always encouraged my drawing and got me pencils when I was a kid and would sit and draw with me.

Do you enjoy travelling? Where did you always want to visit? And were do you want to go now?

I absolutely love travelling and do it as much and as often as I can. I adore New York and San Diego, and I dream of living in either place for a period of time. Right now though, I am fantasising about Tokyo, because it seems like an absolutely amazingly insane, bananas place to experience.

At this very moment I would love to be anywhere warm and sunny though... because Norway is gloomy and cold and sad in the wintertime.

What are you currently working on?

Do you think that anyone can be an artist?

I think that with art -as with anything else in life - you get good by practising.

What is your favourite pleasure?

My favourite pleasure is my man, my friends, travelling and music. My favourite guilty pleasure is chocolate, cocktails and trash TV. Hahaha.

Whose opinion of your work you value most, and why?

My man, because he gives me a very honest and constructive opinion and he has great taste.

Are you ambitious? Where do you want to be in 10 years?

Right now I am doing a piece for Vice magazine about gangmentality and how different sets of clothing give identity...and I am also doing a piece for an exhibition at the Norwegian music festival By: Larm. Very exciting!

I am too ambitious for my own good. Haha. I believe that when you are to dream- why dream small?

One of my many dreams is to live in New York and work with the big fashion houses...

I love doing fashion-related illustrations so working with fashion designers would be amazing.

What do you wish for?

Are you a messy or tidy person?

That is such a difficult question…Where to begin... Hmm... I wish for goodness and world peace. There!

On a more personal note, I would also really like a long vacation to someplace warm and more hours in the day ;)

A bit of both I guess, but I try to keep things organised and tidy at the office and in the apartment…my closet on the other hand... that’s a whole different ballgame...haha

What does art mean to you? How does it affect you?

Art in all its form and shape inspire me. I have always believed that creativity spawns new creativity.

A lot of the characters you illustrate have tattoos. Do you like tattoos? Do you have any?

I love tattoos. I have quite a few myself but not nearly enough.

I would love to get a full on sleeve or chest piece, but I change Page Twelve

Esra Roise

my mind all the time so I have difficulties committing to motifs.

I take it out on my illustrations instead ;-) Are your illustrations based on real people?

Some are and some aren’t. I guess most of my illustrations are a mix.

Are you creative in any other way?

I love listening to music, but I am absolutely clueless when it comes to playing any instrument. My hub is a musician so he has tried to teach me, but alas! No such luck. I'm also very fond of taking pictures and I've recently started baking which is awesome. I used to be so helpless in the kitchen, starving in front of the pots and pans-ish, haha, but now I like to think that I’ve kinda gotten the hang of it. I bake a mean banana bread ;-) What is your creative process from start to finish?

I normally browse around on the internet or read magazines/books and find something inspiring, and then I just get scribbling... after I’m done drawing I’ll sometimes add some colour before I scan it and play around with it in Photoshop and do final tweaks. www.esraroise.com O

Page Thirteen

Esra Roise

Page Fourteen

Book Club

Book Club for lovers of literature

Page Fifteen

Book Club

I’d like to shower Jonathon Safran Foer in bouquets of kudos for boldly drawing on history and tragedy with humour and compassion.

Principle narrator Oskar Schell is a precocious nine year old tambourine-playing, jewellery-making, coin-collecting, Frenchspeaking, little dweeb who constantly devises fiercely wonderful and inconceivable inventions in a desperate attempt to deal with the loss of his father in the 9/11 twin tower attacks. Constantly tortured by messages left by his father on their answering machine, Oskar finds a welcome diversion from his grief in a small key found in an envelope labelled ‘Black’ in his father cupboard. Armed with his pre-pubescent pluck, Oskar is determined to visit all 216 ‘Black’ households in the five boroughs.

The storyline is subtle; on one level this is a story of a young boy's personal journey to find peace, yet on another it is a social commentary on post 9/11 America.

With alternate chapters narrated in the form of private letters from Oskar’s Grandmother and Grandfather [his father’s parents] to their son and grandson, and the quirky and unique thoughts and feelings of Oskar, Foer artfully takes you through over 60 years of history.

He has the ability to move you without using any drippy sentiment and makes you chuckle aloud you without trying to amuse. Oskar’s voice is characteristically humorous; making it a joy to be wandering around New York City inside his outlandish head.

Foer demonstrates his ability to kindle awe and beauty from the ashes of the most heartbreaking and mindless tragedy against humanity.

Marina Lewycka's books are like brown paper packages; each one contains something simply delightful inside.

The theme of glue is provided by protagonist Georgie Sinclair, recently separated mother of two, aspiring romantic novelist and freelance writer for ‘Adhesives in the Modern World’.

Glue provides a multiplex of functions in this delicately witty novel, from the rich metaphor for human bonding to handcuffed sex and even the Arab-Israeli conflict. All of which stick the plot neatly together.

While the touch is light-hearted the issues raised are somewhat heavyweight; world conflicts, marital breakdowns, abysmal care for the elderly and Armageddon.

Georgie's mad voyage begins when she disposes of her selfrighteous husband, and befriends a whiffy glamazon of an old woman she finds rummaging through her skip. Meet Naomi Shapiro, an unsavoury, compulsive liar, racist but fashion conscious loon. Resident of a fetid mansion, which, she shares, with a hoard of equally foul cats, Naomi provides a welcome distraction to Georgie’s miserable life as a single mother and fruitless novelist of ‘The Splattered Heart’. Georgie must fight for Mrs Shapiro’s right to continue living in the squalor she calls her home, and battle it out against our countries two most loathed professions; the money-grabbing estate agents and the cold-hearted social workers.

Lewycka doesn’t deal in victims; her colourful cast of foul-mouthed geriatrics, compensates for any soppiness that may be found elsewhere in this book bursting with disarranged cats, visions of anarchy, eccentric fag-puffing old ladies and a lot of glue.

Page Sixteen

Book Club

Who cares? That was what I thought before I was even half way through this book.

I even found myself at one point throwing this monologue of self-indulgent twaddle across my living room floor in pure frustration. It’s really hard to feel sympathy for a woman who tries to get over a marriage (that she ended) by running off on an all expenses paid 12-month trip to the three I’s (Italy, India and Indonesia).

Ironically that is all this entire book seems to be about ‘I’ - me, me me, I, I, I. Her search to find herself was even a wee bit of a sham, for what does she end up with? Oh look, another rich, handsome man. If someone could point me in the direction of her discovery of the joy of nourishment, the power of prayer and her balancing of everyday life with inner peace that would be most helpful, because I do believe she ends up back at square one.

In summary: She married a wonderful man, lives in a beautiful big house in New York, and has a well paid, successful career and a loving family who cares for her. But this (somehow) is not enough, so she feel the urge to destroy everything and nip off to eat her way around Italy, sit around navel gazing in India, and loll around and in Bali for a bit, and quite possibly have a helping of hanky panky with a hot Brazilian too.

This story of one woman’s midlife crisis lacks any real grit, everything Gilbert touches turns to gold; not a single prayer goes unanswered. What's missing is the confusion and obligations of real life. While no one would begrudge Miss Gilbert an ounce of happiness and peace, I would have found this book more enjoyable and fulfilling had it included the awkward, nitty gritty, unresolved problems she clearly must have chosen to leave out.

Page Seventeen

I am desperately trying to understand what I’ve missed here. It appears that everybody else has read a different book. Based on raving reviews I was gearing up for an original and insightful coming of age love story, but boy was I wrong! This trite book seems to be aimed at nothing and no one, with a story that simply goes nowhere.

I guess the structure was a good idea, the concept of revisiting the same day each year, however I’d have more enthusiasm about it if Nicholls hadn’t half heartedly abandoned it at the end, and if he didn’t somehow manage to make each of these ‘one days’ give us an account of their whole entire year.

The characters Emma Morley and Dexter Mayhew are two-dimensional bores. Emma is a rude, sharp-tongued drip, while Dexter is a horrific caricature of egotistical entitlement.

And to top it off, they don’t even live exciting lives - I just didn’t care what happened to them.

There is no character development, no tension, no tone, no humour; just idle writing and page upon page of lazy scenes.

His sloppiness is woeful, as are his poorly researched ‘details’.

He references DVD’s before they had even been released in the UK; the dates of school terms were completely skewiff; Dexter was merrily catching up on the latest Wimbledon results on July 15th when it would have ended at least a week earlier, eugh the list goes on.

I’d call it drivel, but that would be something of an insult to genuine drivel. The writing is tedious and dull, it was only my determination to find out what was so good about this critically acclaimed book that made me read on. Sadly I never found it.

O

Stop Scrubbing

Stop Scrubbing - your body is not the bathroom fl flo oor 6 reasons why you DON’T have to follow all those tiresome beauty regimes!

Morning Face Wash

Exfoliation

Washing your hair

Ditch it: Make sure you wash your face properly before bed, this way your skin will still be as clean as a whistle in the morning – unless you’re a dribbler. Too much face cleaning can make skin dry, this will cause your body to produce more oil (no one likes a greasy face). Instead of lathering up in the morning, give your face a little splash with warm water and treat it to a light massage to perk up sleepy skin.

Ditch it: Any form of exfoliation thins the skin. By using scrubs and harsh exfoliants you are stripping the natural protection from your face. Scrubbing away the top layer of skin cells reveals the delicate and sensitive skin underneath, the only thing this will leave you with is dry, irritated face. Exfoliate only once or twice a week especially if you’re out and about in the sunshine.

Ditch it: Most of us shampoo our hair daily, but doing this will only make hair parched, stripping it of all those lovely natural oils (and even newly applied hair dye). Try, washing it twice a week. Replace the suds with dry shampoo or even talcum powder, this will absorb nasty grease and shine. Or simply rinse your hair with water, slap on a bit of product whilst the hair is damp - and away you go.

Page Eighteen

Stop Scrubbing

Night Time Moisturising

Make Up

Hair Drying

Ditch it: While you catch up on some beauty sleep your skin has gone to work regenerating, balancing oils and getting rid of yucky impurities. By using night creams you disrupt this all important process, and after a while your skin becomes less able to look after itself.

Night time moisturisers make the body slow down on the moisture production side of things, resulting in - you guessed it - even drier skin.

Ditch it: Base makeup like foundation is guaranteed to drip in the heat, run in the rain, or dry out in the winter. If you feel a little naked without it, try fake-tanner. It may take a tiny bit longer to initially put on than foundation, but you’ll save minutes on getting ready in the morning.

If you can find one that contains an SPF you’ll get bonus points, just think of all this time and money you’ll be saving!

Ditch it: Basically it's a waste of time.

Between the heat, the wind and the rain, even the best of hair will frizz. Ditch the hair dryer from your daily routine. When hair is overstressed adding a heat to the mix will damage it even further leaving you with a stylish mass of fried hair. Yum! A good towel dry and frequent combing is just as sufficient.

Page Nineteen

You Crafty Fox

YOU CRAFTY FOX cosy coffee cup warmers

What could better than a hot cup of coffee in the morning?

- One with a bonnie little jacket.

These homely cup warmers are the perfect thing to brighten, or at least warm, up your morning.

Why not knit a whole bunch and give them to your friends!

Sleeve CO 36 sts. Join for working in the rnd, being careful not to twist sts; place marker (pm) for beginning of rnd.

Knit 1 rnd, purl 1 rnd.

Change to St st (Knit every rnd); work even until piece measures 1 ¼" from beginning.

[Each sleeve takes about an hour to complete.]

Shape Sleeve Increase Rnd 1: k1, m1, [k9, m1] 3 times, k8-40 sts.

Work even until piece measures 2 ¼" from the beginning.

Increase Rnd 2: k1, m1, [k10, m1] 3 times, k9-40 sts.

Work even until piece measures 3" from the beginning.

Purl 1 rnd. BO all sts loosely knitwise.

Finished measurements 8" Circumference, at narrow point.

9 ¾" Circumference, at widest point.

3 ½" High.

Yarn Manos del Uruguay wool.

Clásica Naturals (100% pure wool: 138 yards/100grams): 1 hank #701, #702, or #703.

Note: one hank will make at least 4 sleeves.

O

Needles One set of five double-pointed needles. (dpn) Size US 6 (4mm).

Change needle size if necessary to obtain correct gauge.

Notions Stitch marker.

Gauge 18sts and 26 rnds = 4" (10cm) in stockinette stitch. (St st).

Page Twenty

Tasty Treats

Knobbly-Bobbly Mallow-Pops Tasty homemade ‘lollypops’, perfect for sharing.

Makes 6 scrummy lollies Takes about 20 minutes to make [and a couple of hours to set] 100g [4oz] sweet microwavable popcorn 50g [2oz] unsalted butter 200g [7oz] pink and white marshmallows Groundnut oil, for greasing 6 Wooden lolly sticks

O Following the instructions on the packet, Pop the popcorn in the microwave until it ‘POPS’.

Pour contents in to a bowl, and have a cheeky handful.

O Place the butter in to a pan and melt it gently. Add the marshmallows and cook on a low heat for about 10 minutes, stirring every now and again until the mallows are lovely and melted.

[Don’t be tempted to lick the spoon - the gooey goodness gets hot!]

O Pour the marshmallowey mess over the popcorn and stir until well mixed. Leave it alone [smacks hand] for about 30 minutes to cool down.

O Take a good dollop of the mixture, a little bit bigger than a golf ball, and mould in to a cone-like shape with your hands. Do give it a good squidge so the popcorn sticks together tightly. Place on a lightly oiled 39 x 35cm baking sheet to set.

O Leave to set for a couple of hours, [insert time passing activity] then push a lolly stick into the wide base of each cone and enjoy your knobbly-bobbly mallow-pops.

O

Page Twenty-One

o h let us be lo ve rs

Oh Let Us Be Lovers

lovers alone wear sunlight, buried amongst the linen, their limbs entwined in sweet embraces, no knobbly knees to break the moment. still learning how to be small. lovers don’t finally meet somewhere; they were in each other the whole time, hiding in those tidy places, you never think to search. they were there whispering, “you are the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen”. lovers see each other in colours that don’t exist, a hushed secret they keep close to their hearts. they know how to wear each other’s star−studded skin. “i thought you had forgotten me.” “it’s hard to forget you when there is such an empty space when you are gone” Page Twenty-Two

Kelly Thompson

Name: Kelly Thompson

Age: 28

Where do you live?

Melbourne Australia What do you do?

I’m an illustrator and photographer Why is it important to you to be creative?

There isn’t any other way for me, its not a decision I have to make, it just is Your favourite colour?

Hmm it changes daily, maybe red Your favourite cake?

Cheesecake!

What is your recipe for friendship?

Be honest and be yourself

Page Twenty-Three

Kelly Thompson

Bethany

What was your childhood like?

I was a tomboy; I was really dirty and adventurous. My teen years were crap as I was bullied due to the fact that I went through a particularly unattractive awkward stage, but its all character building.

Do you have an artistic lineage?

Not really, my poppa (grandfather) taught me how to draw 3D houses and my dad used to have a cabinet making joinery design business, but that’s about the extent of it.

When did you first start drawing?

My earliest memory was being taught 3D houses and I would have been about four.

The delightful Kelly Thompson is described on her website as ‘nonchalantly sexy’, I like this a lot; purely because I could not have chosen better words myself. I was able to have a quick chat with her via the handy medium of email (it’s not so easy to meet for a cuppa and a biscuit when one of you lives on the other side of the world.) Kelly is the kind of girl you want to be friends with; intelligent, witty and admiringly creative.

With fingers in both illustration and fashion photography pies, miss Thompson is fast becoming a popular lady.

What was school like for you?

It was good (apart from that teen stage) I liked to get involved in art class and was an all round student so it wasn’t a struggle for me academically.

What are your artistic tastes now? What art do you consume?

I'm into print work at the moment, I like the accessibility of it, I recently purchased a print my Tomer Hanuka I love it. I also really enjoy the combination of illustration and typography I enjoy how graphic it can be…and wish I was any good at typography!

Where do you go if you need inspiration?

On holiday.

Page Twenty-Four

Kelly Thompson

Maggie

Ruthie

You’re also a fashion photographer. How do you feel about fashion? What role does it play in your work and personal life?

It’s where all my spare change goes! I love fashion I love how it changes and how it can change how you feel, I eagerly anticipate emailed lookbooks and equally anticipate my orders arriving. It plays a huge role in my work and inspiration I want to rub my face between its bosoms.

Living in NZ there must be so many beautiful places to go! Do you go for long walks? What do you do to let your hair down?

Sleep! Watch movies and catch up with pals. I lived in Wellington, which has terrible weather, so often there were plans to stroll but they were regularly rained on or blown away.

I always had many summer adventures out of Wellington that involved a lot of swimming and strolling and discovering.

What is your life ambition?

To get better and better at what I do, and stay this happy.

What would you be doing if you weren’t an artist or photographer?

Making better money haha.

What’s your favourite book?

The Red Tree by Shaun Tan.

Page Twenty-Five

Do you have a favourite illustration? Mine is ‘Ruthie’, is she based on anyone in particular?

Ooh she is based on Ruthie who is a real girl I photographed in Auckland. Ruthie and Lilly are my top two.

Do your illustrations have stories; do you create personalities for your girls?

A little, I have a “Kelly” girl; she is confident, smart, charming and flirty. The models I photograph usually have to have an energy about them for me to draw them.

What did you last dream?

Id just watched Dexter…It was a scary mish mash. www.kellythompson.co.nz O

Kelly Thompson

Katie

Page Twenty-Six

A Short Story

ANA

a short story

I found her sitting on the porch, her fine red hair blowing in wisps around her face, the odd strand catching on her dry, cracked lips.

The game was obviously over.

I watched the ash fall from her cigarette and breathe it’s last toxic breath, her life mirrored in it’s frail, fleeting ignition.

She was such a mystery to me. A puzzle that I used to assume never had an answer. I couldn’t turn to the back of the book and cheat, pretend that I had known all along. It was only occasionally that her spark would begin to flicker, her eyes would cloud over and she’d disappear inside herself. Only then did I doubt her power.

I wanted more than anything to be her, to feel her in my bones, my flesh.

We had been playing hide and seek for less than half an hour, I had been hiding for most of it. I guess she never really wanted to play.

She probably hadn’t even bothered looking for me. I scuffed my bare feet on the wooden decking, waiting for her to tell me what we were doing next. …

I remember when I first met her. We were at the local doctors surgery, I had been sick for days with a stomach bug. She was sitting by the table, the one that all doctors’ surgeries have, stacked high with old, stale magazines. Well thumbed and irrelevant. I particularly liked the glossy ones; they felt like luxury in my hands. The models so regal, so thin, with their athletic stances and melancholic expressions, it was like looking in to another world; one far away from the dry, dusty heat of Jim Ned, Texas.

She took a shine to me almost instantly, formerly introducing herself with an outstretched clammy hand, “Hey there, I’m Ana”, her voice was coarse, like she’d spent the night screaming until she ran out of sound. I liked it; it was a complementary contrast to my soft southern drawl.

“Layla, nice to meet ya.”

She was a funny looking thing, with wild red hair and piercing emerald eyes. Looked like you could snap her right in two. In comparison I looked dull and grey.

Page Twenty-Seven

A Short Story She was still there waiting when I came out, “Wanna play?” she croaked, and tilting her head like a curious animal she stared at me intently. I looked at my Ma, half hoping she’d say no, but part of me was intrigued by this feral girl. My Grandpappy would have called her a ‘whippersnapper’.

My Ma just ignored us; she was obviously tired. She’d been working a whole week of night shifts at the hospital in Abilene and I could see she just wanted to get back home to bed. She started to pull me back to the car; I shrugged my shoulders at the girl and shook my head. She let out a ragged sigh and shot me a smile and skipped off down the road. …

She snapped her head up. Threw the cigarette on the floor and jumped to her feet. The withering look she gave me made my heart sink; I hated it when she did that. I knew I had done something wrong, I obviously hadn’t followed the rules correctly. I only wanted to please her, but it was becoming increasingly hard.

We had lots of games, her games. Her favourite was the counting game, I wasn’t allowed more than 300 to start with, the better I did the lower the amount got. The list game was her second, you write it all down and the numbers go alongside, that way she could see my progress. She was my teacher and I her willing pupil.

She taught me how to pretend, how to lie, how to cheat. …

She came to visit me the day after our first meeting. Don’t know how she found me, but she was there on my porch, cigarette in one hand and a diet cola in the other. She stared at me head tilted, stared right through me, I could feel my cheeks burning – could have been the heat, but I’m sure it was just my embarrassment. She was brazen and confident, and oozed strength despite her spindly frame.

I was off from school, truth was I was feeling much better, but Ma was easily fooled, she’d pulled the short straw on shifts that week again and it made her as dopey as a donkey.

I invited her in. I don’t know what made me trust her; she didn’t look like she went to Church or washed her hair all that much. Infact when you looked closely she was quite an ugly little thing. I didn’t have many friends; I guess I was flattered that she even wanted to know me.

It was a blistering hot July day; we lay on my bed in silence. Our limbs stuck to the quilt, to each other. Our bodies seeking out untouched cool patches, little oasis’ of relief from the sticky heat. I watched her as she bit her dry lips, chewing on the cracked skin, pulling it away with her teeth. Little droplets of blood began to surface; she turned to me and kissed my cheek leaving a sticky metallic imprint on my face.

I didn’t wipe it off.

She propped herself up on her elbows and pierced me with her eyes. She looked me over, sizing me up I guess, working out how much work she had to do. Was I worth it? Did I have the potential? She smiled at me and pulled out a cigarette.

“I like you Layla. Let’s be friends.” …

You meet people in life who change you in good ways and in bad. Not many people liked Ana, they thought her overbearing, and said I’m not like myself when she’s around. The ladies at church stared at me, I heard them whispering, gossiping, I used to recite 1 Timothy 5:12-13, “gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.” Them ladies ought to bite their tongues; no one understands that I wear Ana like a friendship bracelet, a tourniquet around my soul. to be continued...

O

Page Twenty-Eight

I Love My Shop

I Love My Shop Explore the delights of Kitty’s Cottage.

Positioned neatly on the high street, in the quiet little village of Thorpe-le-Soken, Essex, is a quaint a little shop otherwise known as Kitty’s Cottage, “a vintage, cupcake decorating, party-boutique.” Owned by lover of all things vintage, polka dot and Cath Kidston, Carli Turner is a modern day pin up girl.

Stepping in to her shop is like stepping back in to the 40’s, this little haven of the kitch and cute is every girls dream.

For Carli her shop embodies everything she loves, it’s a place where she can channel her passion for creativity and crafting, “now my baking’s not brilliant, but the decorating itself, well I’ve always loved doing it and I think if anyone loves doing anything then the out come of it is generally a pleasing thing.”

Before Kitty’s Cottage became a cupcake crafting haven it was a traditonal shop situated at the front of the cottage, where people could go in, browse and buy. Carli still sells some of the wonderful items she once stocked; vintage style home wares, lots of vintage dresses, and delightful hand made cards.

However, the new Kitty’s Cottage isn’t open every day. “It’s now literally used as a craft emporium so to speak, so anybody who takes part in the craft classes can buy stock that’s still in here.”

The shop is now open for workshops or you can even book your own private party with your gal pals. Here you can learn the art of decorating beautiful cupcakes with lessons in fondant moulding, piping, mixing and shaping. Sounds fun!

“People ask me “Why Kitty’s Cottage? Are you Kitty?” and I say “No”, and they ask me why, so I get to tell them the lovely romantic story of Catherine Canham.” The ghost of Catherine (Kitty) Canham is said to haunt The Bell pub opposite the cottage. When looking for a name for her original shop Carli toyed with French names such as ‘Joli Choses’ – pretty things, which rang nicely with the village’s French name. However, the Page Twenty-Nine

scandalous story of Kitty - the wife of the village Vicar who ran away and married wealthy businessman Lord Dalmeny - had a pull on her and she named the shop after the beautiful bigamist.

However, it wasn’t always Cath Kidston roses for Carli, as an actress she was finding it very difficult to get pregnant, stressed out by going to auditions and not getting work, she felt her career taking its toll, “I think having to rely on a business that is so precarious, like the acting world, was not doing me any favours, and I wanted to bake, I wanted to sew, I wanted to be surrounded by girly things”, so she opened Kitty’s Cottage and within a month was pregnant! She closed the original shop just before giving birth to Betsy-Rose.

According to Carli setting up shop “was the easiest thing in the world! I thought about it one weekend and I said to Gary, right that’s it, I just want to open a shop.” She started by tearing down the partition wall, wallpapering, and turning what was the front room in to a shop. And then set about finding out what she needed to do to turn this creation actually in to one. Because the shop was part of her home she didn’t need a business plan, so with her personal savings in hand she contacted her first supplier. Carli began by emailing a company selling similar products in Wales. “I just said, ‘look can you help me, I want to open a shop, how did you do it?’” They replied with the proposition that they would supply her wholesale, and threw in some of their contacts to get her started. She attended business design sales and big expos and got to know more suppliers, and her beautiful business gradually grew from there.

Running a shop is not always easy, but hers comes with plenty of perks. “Having your own time! I think being able to work from home, the shop is in my home which is a big difference between running your own business and running a business from home,”

I Love My Shop

She Says. For Carli this is the perfect arrangement, as a mother of two adorable little girls [Lola and Betsy-Rose] she’s able to look after them and have a career. What a dream job - she can go make a cuppa and have a lie down if she gets tired - sounds blissful. With free reign to stock what she wants and make what she wants, Carli admits that she loves not having to work underneath someone, and enjoys making her own business decisions, “sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, but I enjoy what I buy and I buy for me.”

Not only is her shop quite literally an extension of her own home, but so are the things that make it so beautiful. “I love first of all the fact that I can have everything girly in here and I don’t have to swamp my poor husband and my house with roses and polka dots and thing like that.” For Carli having this big space that she can use to create and teach and learn is such a joy, and the fact that she can share this with other like-minded women is just an added bonus. “I love women, I love being around women, being in women’s company, meeting new women and having a lovely cup of tea.”

much she absolutely loves doing this. Ever eager to learn more, she researches vigorously and shops just as hard for new materials to teach her students with. “For instance, I’ve just bought shape cutters for a clutch bag and a high heel shoe, and I’m learning how to design the paste so you will end up with a Cath Kidston print on the icing. So it will make a clutch bag with a Cath Kidston type material.” Now that is one specialised skill!

With her plan to make cake toppers in unique and personalised designs, she hopes that women will come to her with colour schemes for their weddings and parties for her to create toppers and cupcakes for.

And the next step for the ever-innovative Carli? “Well it’s getting ladies to come in for their hen parties, that kind of thing was what I wanted to do.” www.kittyscottage.co.uk O

One of her favourite things in the shop is the Cath Kidston wallpaper. After buying a Cath imitation from a DIY store, Carli realised that she couldn’t settle for second best, “I came home and said to my husband, do you know what, I’m going to have to go to Cath Kidston, because I don’t want to sit and look at wallpaper and regret not getting what I wanted.” Her mismatch china is another thing she adores; she loves to serve tea in it when the ladies come over for her cupcake decorating classes.

Carli’s shop is also full of her personal belongings, her cookbooks, her sewing box, all the little things that make this place so cosy and kitch. “The little cakes in the window, I love looking at them as well, knowing that I made them all.”

Since re-opening Kitty’s Cottage, Carli has realised just how Page Thirty

Paper Dolls