Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Dear Reader,
y
Welcome to the first edition of The Be Well Magazine. The launch of this inaugural edition has been in the making for many years. It was a fleeting thought, then a few sentences in my journal and then it spent a few years on my to do list. Nevertheless we’re here! As an advocate and Parent Educator promoting healthy marriages and family restoration for many years. I found myself working for an amazing agency in Milwaukee, WI in 2007, The Alma Center, Inc. The agency was one of few agencies in the state of Wisconsin that provided holistic services for men with a history of domestic violence. It was there that I connected with two dear friends and mentors James Mosley and Jojopah Nsoroma. They both were magical in the art and science of helping the men in our program to heal from childhood trauma and face the reality of their abusive behavior. Not only was I in awe of their experience and approach but it was there that I committed my life to building higher community in all that I do. The Be Well Magazine hopes each reader builds higher community with us. The goal is for you to Be Well Connected, Inspired and Informed once you read each of our quarterly issues. I’m now residing in Arizona and enjoying the sun but it was my 4 Season years and experiences in my beautiful hometown, Milwaukee that was the catalyst for “ Be Well Magazine.” Our hope in this issue is to give our readers a glimpse of the lives of women like Sandy Smith of Wisconsin, a successful entrepreneur that was impacted by domestic violence (DV) but has now committed herself to creating a path towards healing for other survivors. Readers will be totally inspired by Laneice McGee of Wisconsin as she so beautifully reminds us of self-love. Get a glimpse of the work from my dear friend and gifted storyteller Diana N. Patterson of Texas as she shares a piece of her story and perspective. Cyrena Martin of Mahogany Cares will inspire readers to get involved by being better educated about Domestic Violence. I invite you to get connected, inspired and Informed in-person by meeting us in Arizona, December 2, 2018 as we join Mr. Rodney Pearson for the play “You Can’t Keep A Good Woman Down”
Carmen C. Ray Be Well Network, Travel & Events
2
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Promote Your Business!
ADVERTISE IN THE NEXT ISSUE
Be seen by emerging women entrepreneurs with growing businesses.
JANUARY 2019 EDITION:
The Power Of Reinventing Your Life, Business and Community QUARTER PAGE AD
BUSINESS CARD AD
$50
$30
RESERVE YOUR AD
HALF PAGE AD
Click Here
$90
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
FULL PAGE AD
$175
3
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Laneice McGee www.laneicemcgee.com
Dear Women of Worth, Tears of joy run down my face and an overwhelming feeling of joy consumes my heart as I share my story in poetic form. I look in the mirror; I confidently can say for the first time, I truly love the reflection that glazes back. One of the greatest gifts in life in self-care, it something no one can give and no one can take away. I share my journey with great appreciation for all the lessons & the growth. This is #MyLife, This is #MyTruth
When I Didn’t Know My Worth
I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, who said my face isn’t that pretty but my credit might work.
didn’t even know I was LOST, and because of that my selfesteem, self-love, and confidence paid the cost.
I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, who said I was his second option if the first one didn’t work.
Living In a shadow not knowing there could be light, until one day I truly FOUND myself. I found myself to be beautiful, I found myself to have joy, I found myself to have a voice, I found myself in the will of God… but I found ME, and I gain the best gift, one that I can celebrate all year long, SELF LOVE!!
I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, when I said NO regarding my body, he held my hands down, restrained me and said BE QUIET this won’t hurt. I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, who had a secret family and additional lies and dirt. I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, because of my fear of being alone I just settled with cruel words and convinced myself that “WORDS DON’T HURT”. I once dated a guy when I didn’t know my worth, that I comprised my faith, values, good judgment and just hoped that the relationship would work. I once was a girl, now woman who didn’t know her worth, and the decision that you see where a direct result of the thoughts I had of me. I was on a tedious long journey and 4
So I speak to the heart of the little girl or grown women, that does not know her worth, remind yourself that you are fearfully and wonderfully made , keep saying it until your mind believes its , your heart receives and your life reflects it. . Be blessed & remember you are the #DaughterOfTheKing Signed, Laneice McGee, Women of Worth!!! #Womenofworth #SelfLove
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Cyrena Mar tin
Mahogany C.A.R.E.S (262) 993-5444
So far both the mayor and Governor recognized this day annually. This year we contact our Congress Woman Gwen Moore for her support for this very important day. We plan to make this a nationally recognized holiday to Celebrate Life. DVSRD is designed to increase public awareness, to show support to all current Victims to let them know we are fighting daily for their safety and welfare, to honor Domestic Violence Survivors, and to respectfully take a moment of silence in remembrance of all those we have lost. Domestic Violence Survivor Recognition Day offers a rare opportunity to focus attention on success stories of those who are now happy, healthy, and successful leaders/entrepreneurs of our community. I now My name is Cyrena Martin, Founder & Executive Director of Mahogany actively speaking out against Domestic Violence, advocate for making C.A.R.E.S (Community Awareness Resources Education Support). changes to legislation and offering safe alternatives to numerous Mahogany CARES Foundation Inc. (Nonprofit 501c3 organization) was victims of Domestic Violence & Sexual Assault. Our testimonies and birthed from my story. This organization has given me new life being commitment to save lives is the direct link between the community and the justice system. able to advocate, love, and honor fellow Survivors. My story of domestic abuse/violence was years ago. I survived physical, mental, verbal and financial abuse. My actually healing began by first having the courage to tell family and friends about 2 years after I left my Ex abuser. Secondly I shared my story with other Survivors (finally not feeling alone). I attended an event which we shared testimony and then wrote a letter to our Ex-abuser telling them what they did to mus, how it made us feel and why we were now choosing to forgive. We didn’t actually give the letter to our abusers, we burned the letters in a letting go ceremony. Lastly I chose to become educated on domestic violence by completing my cohort and receiving my certificate in Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Advocacy. I remember the security guard asking me what happened to my face. I quickly thought of a lie but I knew he didn’t believe me. I remember feeling like it didn’t matter anyway and thought there was no one who cared or would help me. I felt so embarrassed, alone and thought why I can’t be 1 of those “strong” black women who never would allow someone to treat them this way.
Mahogany CARES mission is to educate the community on the many causes affecting Women’s wellness- mind, body, spirit & family. Our motto which is very special to me and I give much love and respect to Dr. Maya Angelou:
“We delight in the beauty of the butterfly, but rarely admit the changes it has gone through to achieve that beauty.” This quote is very profound to the experiences a Survivor has been through. The scars are often internal and often times unknown or ignored. The bruises heal first while the lasting effects of being controlled and being left broken but thank God we don’t look like what we have been through. We have a beauty of strength, courage, and passion to assist others. It is time to celebrate life.
From Victim to Survivor now Advocate gives me a voice and often a Survivor (sərˈvīvər) - a person who survives, especially a person platform to speak on behalf of other Victims & Survivors. We have remaining alive after an event in which others have died. written a proclamation in the City of Milwaukee to proclaim October 21st as DVSRD (Domestic Violence Survivor Recognition Day). Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
5
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Diana N. Patterson M.Ed.
Author/Life Coach and Personal Development Consultant/Motivational Speaker
I Chose Me. Domestic violence plagues our communities and
has become an international epidemic. In truth there is nothing new about it. Changes in platforms created by high profile individuals speaking their truth has given victims permission to unsilence their voices from the cloak of shame, criticism, and judgment that victims so often endure. I was battered and beaten profusely by my first boyfriend at the tender age of fourteen years old. I was a good student and worked as a peer counselor for the community center near my school. I had beautiful caramel skin, a pretty face, shoulder length hair, and an hour glass figure. I was confident, intelligent, and articulate. Not at all the type of girl one would assume would fall prey to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV). My boyfriend who was fifteen years old beat me so severely that our District Attorney initially considered attempted murder charges against him. This happened after I broke up with him. Even after leaving him he still thought he could control me. Unlike so many victims of domestic violence I ended my relationship and over time as I began to invest in myself I took back my power and my life. There are numerous articles and research that associate power and control as the motivation behind the violence. The question I have continuously asked myself over the years is why do some domestic violence victims leave while others stay. The truth is there is no one answer for that question. Each victim, each circumstance has its own outcome with various factors that contribute to those outcomes. Domestic violence is not a one size fits all cookie cutter problem and it certainly does not have a one size fits all cookie cutter solution. My experience in my first relationship and in my marriage to my exhusband, although painful and difficult, taught me the art of self-loveand self-care. My husband was not physically abusive but nonetheless it was an extremely unhealthy relationship. After a great deal of time alone with some introspect and reflection, single, unattached, and alone I came to realize the power of loving oneself beyond our pain. Often in those silent moments of brokenness and despair; I began to build a relationship and bond with myself that was unbreakable. My self-worth began to surface again and I began to see myself through God’s eyes. The fear and ridicule that at times comes with being unattached or unspoken for began to diminish like the night sky at first dawn. 6
As I state in my book Everything Grows in the Valley, “There are experiences that happen to us that draw us into a black hole. It is a place that is cold, dark, and barren. You can be surrounded by loved ones and friends and still feel alone, like no one sees you. It’s as though you are standing in the middle of a crowd screaming “HELP ME!” and no one hears you. You exist is a sea of brokenness and despair and each subsequent negative experience pulls you in deeper and deeper. You exist in a state of nothingness, numb. You no longer feel anything, and you are just a shell of a person as if your soul has left your body.” (2017, pg. 134). We must learn to lean into those painful experiences, for that is where God does His best work. The universe will send constant reminders of our strength and beauty if we allow ourselves to embrace it. I have allowed my singleness to become my torch, one in which I take pride in and hold high. My experiences have taught me that no one should ever love me more than I love myself and how I love and treat myself will mirror the way the men and the people in my life will treat me. Being single and celibate has given me a new sense of self-worth and being. My existence is not predicated on anything external of me. I see myself as the daughter of the King. I exude femininity, power, and greatness and I wear it as my crown.
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Brothers United Against Domestic Violence has stepped up to the plate to change this narrative and work to end these horrible acts that hunt us today with the presentation of an amazing theatrical performance! The hit stage play entitled, “You Can’t Keep A Good Woman Down” is back for the 57th time. You Can’t Keep a Good Woman Down is about a young woman who grows up in the rough part of the city and encounters multiple hardships. This includes being raised by a poor single parent, molestation as a child and raped as a teenager. Over the years she builds a successful business but to her surprise finds out that her own teenage daughter is being victimized by a sex trafficking ring. The play presents the mother’s struggles, challenges and how she uses her faith and friendships to help to overcome her adversities. There are melodramatic highs and lows and the main character remains strong. The theatre production displays real life troubles, traumatic events and how they are relatable to many of our own stories. There are things we can learn and do to minimize certain risks when it comes to abuse and violence. The main character shows the reality of continually trying to find the balance of providing for her household, protecting her daughter, while trying to contemplate her own intimate relationship with her new partner.
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
7
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Never in a million years did I ever imagine that I would become a statistic. 8
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
Is your relationship based on power and control?
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Sandy Smith
Physical and sexual assaults, or threats to commit them, are the most apparent forms of domestic violence and are usually the actions that allow others to become aware of the problem. However, regular use of other abusive behaviors by the batterer, when reinforced by one or more acts of physical violence, make up a larger system of abuse. Although physical assaults may occur only once or occasionally, they instill threat of future violent attacks and allow the abuser to take control of the woman's life and circumstances.
FEATURED STORY
The Power & Control diagram is a particularly helpful tool in understanding the overall pattern of abusive and violent behaviors, which are used by a batterer to establish and maintain control over his partner. Very often, one or more violent incidents are accompanied by an array of these other types of abuse. They are less easily identified, yet firmly establish a pattern of intimidation and control in the relationship.
I am Sandy Smith, I am a survivor of domestic violence. As part of my inner healing, I’ve been compelled to share my story. It took years of daily effort to reach a place of healing and freedom, and it is my goal to use my life-changing experience to help others recognize abuse and have the ability to escape the toxic environment. Never in a million years did I ever imagine that I would become a statistic. Never in a million years did I guess that I would become so tangled in a complex, yet misunderstood, web of domestic violence. Never In a million years did I believe I would become a woman who would fall victim to physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. Never in a million years did I dream that during my first pregnancy, I would have to make an emergency appointment to make sure my unborn child was alive following physical abuse. Never in a million years did I think my strong independent personality would fall victim to a master manipulator, a charismatic narcissist, a man who would literally and figuratively suck the life out of me. Never in a million years did I dare say that my life would be altered and forever changed by domestic violence.
I’ve discovered that I have the power, authority and dominion to change and transform my life, my surroundings, and the lives of others.
Domestic Abuse Intervention Project l 206 West Fourth Street l Duluth, Minnesota 55806 l 218/722-4134
Yet, here we are. Nearly 29 years later, and I am still alive. I am a SURVIVOR. However, through my pain, trauma, physical, and emotional abuse. I did not know God was with me all along, preparing me for greatness, forming and creating purpose and vision for my life. I did not know God was empowering me to empower others, inspiring me to inspire others. I had no idea God was creating me to become a victorious warrior and survivor in his Kingdom. Nevertheless, I’ve always been honored to be chosen by God, to be a vessel used to restore, rebuild, and transform the lives of so many people through my story and testimony. Through my journey to peace, I’ve discovered that my story matters and I hold the key to someone’s freedom and healing in my words.
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE • 1.800.799.SAFE (7233) • WWW.THEHOTLINE.ORG
I thank God for choosing me, and in return I choose to live everyday as if it were my last. I choose to embrace new adventures and new paths with excitement and wonder. I choose to embrace people who will let me embrace them with all the love I can possibly give to them. I choose to look forward and not backward. I choose to not be concerned with what others think of me. I choose to walk out this journey with Jesus no matter where it will take me. I choose to see with his eyes, listen with his ears, and hear with his heart. I honor my path, trust my journey, and every day I learn and evolve in the Kingdom of heaven.
I want to thank everyone who is on this journey with me for your prayers and suppor t. Philippians 3:13-14
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
9
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Keeping The Fire In Your Relationship With Traveling.
Couples who travel together stay together. by Patrice Register
PHOTO: CHAPTERTRAVEL.COM
83% of those who travel as a couple say the romance is still alive in their relationship
PHOTO: THESOPHISTICATEDLIFE.COM
Traveling with your significant other can help your relationship become more exciting and stronger. Reports say that “83% of couples who travel together said that romance is still alive in their relationship.” Traveling offers opportunities to learn and this learning experience can create a bond between you and your mate. When you travel together you also are likely to be more forgiving. Because when you go through a challenge it’s easier when you have a supporter/advocate with you. Traveling together can stretch you by allowing you to be more understanding and adjusting your limitations. Because you both want to have a good time, you’d both will mostly likely compromise and complement each other. You tend to have more and better sexual relationships. This reduces stress and sparks more affection and romance. You also get the chance to experience something new with your mate. Traveling together creates special opportunities for you to love and respect each other even more; especially when you see other couples enjoying themselves. All couples should do 2-3 trips a year together and have new and exciting experiences.
Ready to take that trip? Connect with me, your travel agent, Patrice Register at http://patriceregister.inteletravel.com I will be happy to make your trip a memorable experience.
10
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
Connecting, inspiring and informing emerging women entrepreneurs.
Building Higher Community Thank You for Gifting the Be Well Community with Your Gifts & Guidance
Jojopah Nsoroma
James Mosley
FRIEND AND MENTOR
FRIEND AND MENTOR
Zee Oluwaseun
Michael Damond
BE WELL TRAVEL KIT DONOR
MAGAZINE DESIGN
Join our online community at www.CarmenRayBeWell.com
11