Old Cars Don't Go Very Fast Volume 1
A collection of poems by Bianca Martin, written 201 3-201 4
'The Navigator' was originally published in A Sharp Knife Volume 1 'Elegy' was originally published in A Sharp Knife Volume 2 'Evening Solace' was originally published in A Sharp Knife Volume 3 'Chardonnay' was originally published Insert Lit Mag Here Issue 6 'Moments' was originally published in Iconic Lit 'My Parent's House' was originally published in Millennial Garbage 'Untitled' was originally published in Zoomoozophone Review Issue 3 'It's All About Foresight' and 'Me IRL' were originally published in Electric Cereal 'Just Watch Me' was originally published in Ash Tree Journal Issue 2
How To Not Write
Tell yourself you deserve a sleep in Tell yourself you should really go to the gym Tell yourself to go buy milk Tell yourself to check Twitter Tell yourself the dishes need to be done Tell yourself you need a coffee Tell yourself to clean the bathroom Tell yourself to Do some laundry Tell yourself to check Twitter again Tell yourself you deserve a break Tell yourself it's better to get high Tell yourself to Have a shower Tell yourself to Do some laundry Tell yourself you deserve a beer Tell yourself to get to bed early
The Navigator
i dreamt you were a continent— a vast place to explore. and you were mine alone to conquer and adore. roused and restless from these reveries in your sleep your hand reaches out for me—nimbly— a blind declaration that makes my heart soar. i feel your heartbeat through our intertwined fingertips; a blistering tenderness. Mine, and mine alone.
Nightswimming
It was the middle of the night. There was alcohol, of course. I was happy, with you. We were with friends, we were with strangers. Normally I'm shy; normally I'm self-conscious. I don't know if it was the alcohol or the darkness. Maybe I was intoxicated by lust. I didn't take a moment to stop and think. I didn't hesitate before pulling off my clothes and cannonballing into the pool. The water cut me off mid-scream and was refreshing on my sweaty skin that had been perspiring in the humid night air. This was my first time skinny-dipping. It's not something I ever really had any desire to do, but I was young and stupid and falling out of love. You jumped in after me, the laughter of the strangers around us echoing through the darkness. In a clichĂŠd way, I was worried about getting caught. You dunked me under and then lifted me up, your naked skin slick against mine. The strangers splashed water over us as you came in to kiss me.
Elegy
she lived in a wasteland a grotesque reality plagued by monsters murdered by madness each laboured moment breathed in wild abandon her inner war fought, her mind a labyrinth she walked for years with her pockets filled with stones waiting for the tide to sweep her away in the end a homemade noose an empty park and a handwritten letter
Moments
1. It's a hot and humid Bangkok night, the streets quiet in the aftermath of a premonsoon thunderstorm. Televisions can be heard as we creep through the back streets dodging cats and rats and broken paths, to the illuminated convenience store across the way. The clerk scans my goods, my water and beer, and carries her late night workplace gossip through the shelves to her friend in the rear. 2. The first day of my 26th year I find myself on a cargo boat in a small Thai town approximately three hours out of Bangkok. The sky is grey and the school kids are running back and forth along the concrete pier, yelling and teasing and playing. Later that night we're alone on the beach, and except for the lights of the squid trawlers in the distance we're in utter darkness and I can feel the complexity and enormity of the world enveloping me. 3. There's white sand, and clear blue water. The smell of fermented fish and open sewerage and the heat rising from the asphalt. The air is thick and sticky and seems impossible to escape. There's nothing to do but sit and talk and smoke and drink. It feels like an endless clichĂŠ.
Chardonnay
remember the night that i drank three bottles of cheap white wine all by myself during the floods that ravaged brisbane for a week you tried to call me like ten times stuck on the other side of the river while i had passed out, oblivious to everything and when i woke up the next morning sore and sorry i saw your messages and for the first time realised that you loved me
My Parent's House
My parent's house is white bread and International Roast with full cream milk. Doing the dishes right after dinner instead of letting them sit for days. Trying not to say 'fuck' Hiding my tattoos Slow internet Endless telemarketers on a home telephone line. Always "what are you doing on your phone" feeling like a teenager even though I'm 26 years old and other people my age are married with babies and mortgages still trying to seek their approval for reasons i don't understand Running errands Always an endless list of errands Who has so many errands to run? Game shows and the six o'clock news Possums in their roof that they can't get rid of Long nights alone listening to those possums after my parents went to sleep at 9pm
It's All About Foresight
i'm thinking about how you would have had to: go out and buy the rope about how you: went to a store and looked at the choices and decided which was best to suit your needs i’m thinking about how you would have had to: pick the place and how you: would have to know which tree was high enough and sturdy enough to suit your needs i’m thinking about how you would have had to: make sure that it was clear that it was no accident no rash decision or moment of panic Just Simple Calculated Planning.
Me IRL
I have crooked teeth and freckles on my shoulders and I'm not graceful in the way I eat stone fruit. My hair is dry and more often than not I get dandruff. I’ll take 20 photos of myself and then delete them all anyway. Sometimes I snort when I laugh and then try to make up for it by either being completely silent or totally loud for 1 5 minutes or more. I'm never NOT multitasking. I'm not self-disciplined and I'm always missing deadlines. I've been known to go for days without brushing my teeth or hair. I eat in bed and not just “occasionally”. I stay in the bath until the water is lukewarm And my skin is so wrinkly it feels like it will fall off Even though I’ve got mould in my shower, and the trashcan in my bathroom is full of blunts. I sing off key, and not in an endearing way. I overeat and complain about my looks. Then spend days in bed berating myself for wasting time.
Evening Solace
drawn blinds, incandescent lighting bare feet on dirty linoleum she steps into the worn off-white tub that is stained around the edges with a grimy mould there is a heavy weight that makes her shoulders tighten, her head pounds, and stomach churns she breathes deeply, with purpose the water so hot it leaves her skin pink she rests her forehead on the cool tiles patterns on the wall older than herself trying to quiet the inside of her head
Untitled
when i left you all i could smell was cancer and defeat the smell followed me home across two state lines and everywhere i went there was death in the air
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