h o r r o r
BIFF BAM No. 66
6$
BO O
london, england - then
this is how it begins. not with a bang, but with two of the emperor’s imperial guards carrying my limp body to meet their maker
of course, back then, there wasn’t any emperor. there wasn’t any star wars or star trek or starman. there was just me, them . . . and him.
i’d have preferred the emperor.
well, I believe I’m royally fucked now.
oh, I believe that’s as large an understatement as I’ve ever heard.
after all this time, i can’t believe you really slipped up. and for a woman, no less. you’ve got to tell me what it was. the breasts? the bodice? the combination of the two?
it was the breasts.
i knew it! he said you wouldn’t be able to resist the breasts. something about your mother being smallchested, which resulted in some sort of largebreast fetish that’s plagued you your entire life.
i didn’t lie. if i would have, he would have dragged it out of me. that, along with some of my guts.
personally, I wish he would have mentioned it sooner so that we could have caught up with you that much quicker. but, who am i to question him? after all, he is the devil. i’m simply . . .
the devil’s right hand. exactly. and you, mr. nordock, you’ve caused us enough grief to last a millennia. now it’s time to pay the piper.
the devil’s right hand.
in that case, make it quick, will you? i’m already bored and your sulphur is burning my eyes.
quick? so you can say hello to your wife and daughter and have a beautiful reunion with harps and angels and whatever else they’ve got going on up there? mr. nordock, the family reunion you’ve spent the last five years dreaming of has unfortunately been postponed. indefinitely.
oh god, no. please.
and this was the moment when i knew my life had gone from pretty bad to infinitely worse.
that’s right. you’re about to become a cautionary tale our people will tell their children before they go to bed.
please. please. i’ll stop. i’ll do any...
please. please.
they are going to say “children, what happens when you fuck with the devil?” and the children are going to say...
please. please. i’m sorry.
...the devil fucks with you.
to be continued...