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Vol. 44 | No. 7 | DECEMBER 6-12 , 2023
EDITORIAL
News & Views
Editor in Chief - Lee DeVito
Feedback ............................... 6
Investigative Reporter - Steve Neavling
News ...................................... 8
Digital Content Editor - Layla McMurtrie
Lapointe............................... 12
Staff Writer - Randiah Camille Green
ADVERTISING Associate Publisher - Jim Cohen Regional Sales Director - Danielle Smith-Elliott
Cover Story
Sales Administration - Kathy Johnson
An interview with influencer Randi Rossario ..................... 16
Account Manager, Classifieds - Josh Cohen
BUSINESS/OPERATIONS Business Support Specialist - Josh Cohen Controller - Kristy Dotson
What’s Going On Things to do this week ........ 22
CREATIVE SERVICES Creative Director - Haimanti Germain Art Director - Evan Sult Graphic Designer - Aspen Smit
Music Local Buzz ............................ 26
CIRCULATION Circulation Manager - Annie O’Brien
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Food Review ................................. 30 Chowhound ......................... 32
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Copyright: The entire contents of the Detroit Metro Times are copyright 2023 by Big Lou Holdings, LLC. Reproduction in whole or in part without written permission of the publisher is prohibited. The publisher does not assume any liability for unsolicited manuscripts, materials, or other content. Any submission must include a stamped, self-addressed envelope. All editorial, advertising, and business correspondence should be mailed to the address listed below. Prior written permission must be granted to Metro Times for additional copies. Metro Times may be distributed only by Metro Times’ authorized distributors and independent contractors. Subscriptions are available by mail inside the U.S. for six months at $80 and a yearly subscription for $150. Include check or money order payable to: Metro Times Subscriptions, P.O. Box 20734, Ferndale, MI, 48220. (Please note: Third Class
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NEWS & VIEWS Feedback I just wanted to thank the Detroit Metro Times for its work covering Detroit area issues in a more thoughtful and insightful manner than the typical “if it bleeds, it leads” doctrine that drives much of the media landscape today. It takes more effort to research and write these articles but I believe they have a greater long term impact by providing readers with thoughtful insight and analysis that resonates, not just short term emotional stimulation. You don’t find this type of journalism in the Freep/News and it is just one reason I read the Metro Times. The following recent articles come to mind: “The contradictions of corporatesponsored mural art in Detroit” by
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Ian Matchett, “Detroit artists push for transparency and fair pay after mystery murals crop up downtown” and “‘You will be held accountable,’ artists decry in show criticizing DTE” by Randiah Camille Green,” and “Metro Times, Invisible Institute file lawsuit against Michigan State Police for access to records” by Steve Neavling. These were all great reads and I look forward to learning more about “wandering cops” as your lawsuit progresses. I think the important issues raised in the art articles would have gone unnoticed by most if public awareness was not raised by these thought provoking MT articles. Congrats to the you, MT and the entire staff and I look forward to reading the MT long into the future. —Geof Vasquez, Royal Oak Sound off: letters@metrotimes.com
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NEWS & VIEWS
UAW president Shawn Fain has a message for workers who are inspired to join a union: “A better life is out there.”
VIOLA KLOCKO
UAW’s Big Three strike led to surge in union organizing The UAW’s successful
strike against Detroit’s Big Three automakers has workers at more than a dozen other car companies interested in joining the union. The UAW says thousands of nonunion autoworkers at companies including BMW, Honda, Hyundai, Mazda, Mercedes, Nissan, Rivian, Subaru, Tesla, Toyota, Volkswagen, and Volvo have announced campaigns to organize their workforces. If successful, the campaigns could add nearly 150,000 workers to the union — doubling its current membership
among autoworkers. “To all the autoworkers out there working without the benefits of a union: now it’s your turn,” UAW President Shawn Fain said in a video statement. “Since we began our Stand Up Strike, the response from autoworkers at non-union companies has been overwhelming. Workers across the country, from the West to the Midwest and especially in the South, are reaching out to join our movement and to join the UAW.” He added, “The money is there. The time is right. And the answer is
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simple. You don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck. You don’t have to worry about how you’re going to pay your rent or feed your family while the company makes billions. A better life is out there.” Launched in September, Fain’s Stand Up Strike saw the union go on strike against all three Detroit automakers simultaneously for the first time in its history. The new strategy saw the union stagger participating striking plants in order to preserve its strike fund and also give it leverage in negotiations with the auto companies.
The novel strategy worked. The strike won back many sacrifices the union made following the 2008 government bailout of the auto industry, including immediate wage increases, cost-of-living adjustments, and the elimination of wage tiers. The union also successfully pressured Stellantis to reopen an Illinois plant that was shuttered earlier this year to build a new battery plant there, adding jobs. The UAW launched a website uaw. org/join to help the unionization efforts. —Lee DeVito
Students, parents outraged by dismissal of beloved teacher in Livonia Juanita Francis is no ordinary substitute teacher. She calls her students “babies,” and they call her “Mama J.” She brings them home-cooked meals, gives them scholarships, and teaches them how to dance for free. She oozes with passion and positivity and greets every student with a beaming smile. Her mission, she says, is to help students reach their destinies. But all of that has come to an abrupt end at Livonia Public Schools after the district recently barred her from serving as a substitute teacher. Francis says neither she nor her employer, Edustaff, has received an explanation. Students, teachers, and parents are vexed and have united to call for Francis to return. Dozens of supporters turned out at a recent school board meeting, and a student-led petition drive has received more than 935 signatures. As one of the only teachers of color at the district, Francis, who is Black, believes race is a factor in her dismissal. It all started in September, when she asked the district why she hadn’t been placed at a middle school in the district for a while. A district secretary told her she could no longer teach at the middle school because some staff members thought she was unprofessional. Francis responded in an email to defend herself. That’s when the district barred her from all of the schools. “When an African American woman stands her ground, they look at her as an angry Black woman,” Francis tells Metro Times. “When you accuse me of something, I have to bring to light what you said so you can understand my perspective.” Colleen Badgero, a parent in the district who serves on the Parent Teacher Association’s Diversity, Equity, Inclusion & Belonging Committee, says LPS
has a history of excluding women of color. Earlier this year, she says, the district’s Engagement in Equity Committee was dissolved after a Black woman on a subcommittee “was stonewalled and ultimately chose to resign.” “This repetitive inability to receive truths or experiences coming from people of color, albeit uncomfortable at times given the disproportionate discrimination they and their children face, perpetuates a larger societal stereotype of the ‘angry black woman’ and places white women as the ‘victims’ of ‘aggressive’ ‘harsh’ or ‘unprofessional’ behavior,” Badgero, who also attended LPS, said in a statement. “If women of color don’t keep their tone and demeanor perfectly calm and non confrontational in conversation with those who haven’t done adequate implicit bias training, their underlying message is lost and their approach or delivery becomes the justification for further discrimination and maintenance of the inequitable status quo.” In response to questions from Metro Times about Francis’s dismissal, LPS said in a written response that she was “excluded from substitute teaching in Livonia Public Schools following a series of reports from several schools within our district that the job she was contracted to perform was not being completed to our high standards.” “Excluding a sub is not an unusual occurrence in LPS or in other districts,” the statement read. “We have the responsibility to our students to have substitute teachers present the lessons and learning materials as planned by the classroom teacher.” The district declined to further elaborate, saying its policy is to “not publicly discuss personnel issues.” But after this story was published on metrotimes.com, the district insisted race was not a factor.
“I realize that the race card looks much sexier than the fact that she was not performing the job responsibilities she was contracted to perform,” Stacy Jenkins, a district spokesperson, said in an email to Metro Times. “Because of this fact, based on reports and complaints from several schools across our district, the relationship was discontinued. We have a responsibility to our students, that even when their regular classroom teacher is absent, their learning continues — this was not happening when Ms. Francis covered classrooms.” The district also insists Francis “is not one of the only persons of color who serve our students.” Francis admits her style of teaching is unorthodox for the district, but she says it’s effective and that her students love her. “I make learning so much fun,” Francis says. “I make it exhilarating. I teach and lead with love. I love them as if they came from my own womb.” Dozens of her students showed up at a school board meeting in October, pleading with the district to reinstate her. “Mama J. has really made the students realize that if you want respect, you have to earn it,” one of the students told the school board. “It’s not a given. She is respected by all the students. When she speaks, people listen. When she teaches, people learn. She is needed at the schools.” Westland Councilwoman Melissa Sampey also urged the board to bring Francis back, saying many of her constituents have been complaining about Mama J.’s removal. “It saddens me to learn that such a highly regarded public teacher has been banned,” Sampey said. “She brings passion we have never seen before. Rather than just severing the ties, work
with Mama J. to figure out a solution because these children in this room right here, they need her, and they really appreciate having her around. She loves those babies, and they love her too.” At the school board meeting, Francis said teaching is about more than reciting facts. “In the African community, they call educators like us ‘destiny helpers,’ helping get our children on the divine path,” Francis said. “I have worked hard to achieve this goal, and I did not get the honor of this name by being mediocre.” The secretary who told Francis that she was banned from teaching at the district had nominated Mama J. as “Outstanding Teacher of the Year” in June, citing her “devoted and continued service.” Francis, who is a forensic accountant when she’s not teaching, says she doesn’t need the nominal money she gets from being a substitute. For her, it’s about enhancing the lives of students and making them better human beings. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but some good has come out of this,” Francis says. “I didn’t know how much the students and teachers loved me.” Francis said she has been “overwhelmed” with the support she has received. “To have the love they give you, it’s unreal,” she says. “It’s so infectious. It’s amazing to see these young people have a voice and be so supportive. I don’t want to stop being Mama J. I want to continue loving them. I loved to be there. They need me.” Badgero agrees and says the district should listen to the students. “For that many students to come out and share their feelings, that speaks volumes,” Badgero says. —Steve Neavling
would be thrilled to welcome interested applicants to continue their careers at the birthplace of the Motown Sound.” Open positions listed online include archive intern, information services manager, events manager, and assistant retail manager. More may be posted soon, according to a press release, as available roles, some seasonal and some permanent, include jobs in administration, retail, guest services, programming and education, and archive and collection
management. Once the final phase of construction on the Motown Museum is completed, a new nearly 50,000-square-foot entertainment building behind Hitsville U.S.A. will feature immersive exhibits, a performance theater, recording studios, an expanded retail experience, and meeting spaces. For more information on the Motown Museum and its expansion project, see motownmuseum.org. —Layla McMurtrie
Motown Museum hosting job fair Detroit’s Motown Museum has been going through a massive
expansion over the last few years, and now’s your chance to be a part of it. The museum is hosting a job fair to fill open positions from 10 a.m.-5 p.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 19 at Hitsville NEXT, the educational center of Motown Museum’s newly expanded campus. During the event, attendees can learn about several open positions and hold an interview onsite. All applicants are
encouraged to bring a resume and apply on the Motown Museum website before attending, but applications can also be filled out digitally during the event. “We are ready to recruit local talent in our community to join the Motown Museum team and be a part of the Motown magic,” Sharri Watkins, director of human resources at Motown Museum, said in a statement. “Our amazing team is proud to work in a place that is iconic, inspiring, and recognized around the world, and we
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Detroit’s Dutch Girl Donuts sold to The Schvitz owner Detroit’s Dutch Girl Donuts is set to reopen under new ownership next year. The beloved shop has been sold to Paddy Lynch, owner of The Schvitz bathhouse in Detroit and the thirdgeneration leader of the Lynch & Sons Funeral Directors. The Lynch family has deep ties to Dutch Girl’s former owners, the late Gene and Lauren Timmer. Paddy’s cousin Tim Lynch, Jr. has known the Timmer family since childhood and handled their funeral services. “My family has loved Dutch Girl since before I was born,” Lynch said in a statement. “I’m extremely grateful, honored and excited to carry this local favorite forward for the Timmer family.” According to a press release, the Timmer family considered more than 30
Dutch Girl Donuts expects to reopen in 2024.
offers after they announced they would sell the business earlier this year. Ultimately, they chose to pass the business onto Lynch, on the condition that Gene and Lauren’s son Jon stays on as baker, a job he’s held for 20 years.
“Dutch Girl Donuts is an institution for many Detroiters,” says Lynch. “I’m looking forward to this journey and to working with Jon Timmer to get Dutch Girl up and running in the early new year.”
STEVE NEAVLING
The shop was founded in 1948 and operated for more than 70 years until it closed in 2021 following the death of Gene Timmer. It’s located at 19000 Woodward Ave., Detroit. —Lee DeVito
Film-focused wine bar The Fourth Wall opens Detroit’s east side recently
welcomed a new establishment, The Fourth Wall, a wine bar and microcinema located in the space formerly home to the tiki bar Lost River. The space promises a unique experience curated by owners Matt Megener and Kar Green. Mergener, who has been involved in the Detroit film industry for years, says he and his wife Green hope to center community at The Fourth Wall, featuring local filmmakers, visual artists, and food, as well as partnering with other programmers. The owners will focus on both wine and non-alcoholic drinks, with a few beer selections. Cocktails will be served upstairs at sister bar Apt. Disco, and customers can move freely between the two spaces with drinks from either. (Lost River announced on Instagram that it will hold pop-up events at The Fourth Wall into next year until it finds a smaller new space of its own. So, Lost River fans won’t have to miss it much longer.) At The Fourth Wall, films will screen continuously throughout the day, providing a background to chatter and mingling. Once a day, there will be a scheduled showtime for a “sound on” movie where people are encouraged to stay quiet and enjoy the show. A full schedule of films will be announced
each month on Instagram, including matinees, late-evening showtimes, and midnight screenings. “Will it be the most pristine cinemagoing experience? Na. But we don’t expect that,” The Fourth Wall wrote on Instagram. “We want a communal space where you can grab a bite of incredible food, watch a movie, grab a drink, and after it’s all over chat about what you just saw — good or bad.” Every Sunday, local nonprofit Cinema Lamont will partner with The Fourth Wall for a Sunday brunch double feature with a menu provided by Gajiza Dumplins, which The Fourth Wall says will offer “the only South Asian brunch in Detroit.” The dumpling spot, which launched as a pop-up before settling down at Lost River, will host a permanent residency at The Fourth Wall, offering a dinner menu from Thursday to Saturday, and a completely different brunch menu for Sundays. From food to film, The Fourth Wall will be heavily Detroit-focused. “It’s definitely going to be a communal space where we can screen stuff from local filmmakers, we’ll have guest programmers come in and do a lot of stuff,” Megener says. “We’ll program some of it, Cinema Lamont will definitely be involved in programming on
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Sundays, but we also want other people involved in helping choose the movies and kind of bring light to the space, so I think that’s a unique part of the space, too.” Additionally, The Fourth Wall will host discussions with film professionals, which was kicked off by the Detroit Film Theater’s programmer Elliot Wilhelm. “There’s just not a ton of that going on in the city right now. There’s a few groups kind of scattered, but having a dedicated space for film — for people to meet up either casually or on set nights — would be great,” Megener says. “We hope to have programmers, people that have been in the industry for a while, documentary filmmakers, editors, anybody that’s been involved in the industry that has an interesting point of view and knowledge that I think would be beneficial for filmmakers or just Detroiters, we hope to bring through the space.” In its heyday, Detroit was once home to many movie theaters, but today it has only one mainstream first-run theater: the Bel Air Luxury Cinema on Eight Mile Road. (Rapper Big Sean has been working to open a new first-run theater in the city.) The Detroit Film Theatre is more focused on art house and international films (Cinema De-
troit, another art house theater, closed earlier this year), while the Redford Theatre and Senate Theater typically screen classics. Along with showcasing Detroit filmmakers, The Fourth Wall also wants to showcase local art on its walls and already has three artists set to display their work in the coming months. Upcoming featured artists include Ouizi during November and December, Jon Deboer during January and February, and Corey Tut in March and April. Megener says an open call will be put out to local artists who want to be featured after next spring. In the future, the owners say they hope to expand to have a dedicated film space alongside the bar, which Megener envisions as a cozy one-screen theater with around 40-50 seats. The current space, which already has a recently updated sound system, will continue to morph and change over the next few weeks based on feedback. “It’s definitely meant to be a communal space and have community input, we just want to hear from you, stop by the bar, talk to us,” Megener says. “My wife and I are there a lot behind the bar and just screening films and even upstairs in Apartment Disco, so if people have ideas, come see us.” —Layla McMurtrie
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NEWS & VIEWS Lapointe
Rosalynn Carter did many good deeds and so did her husband By Joe Lapointe
On a trip to Georgia last month, it
felt like a good time to visit the Carter Center in Atlanta. Former president Jimmy Carter had recently entered hospice care. Soon, his wife, Rosalynn, would join him. She died last week at age 96. Her husband — 99 years old and physically diminished — attended her televised memorial service in a poignant goodbye after a marriage of 77 years. The Center, a library and museum, honors the 39th president, a Democrat who served from 1977 through 1981. Before him came eight years of Republican rule from Richard Nixon and Gerald Ford. After Carter, 12 more Republican years under Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush. Remember the big issues that faced Carter? Violence in the Middle East. American hostages held by foreign terrorists. Economic inflation at home. Profound changes in Detroit’s auto industry. Trepidation about oil and gasoline. Debates about renewable energy. High mortgage rates. And a deep, pervasive cynicism among the public toward the political process. “Plus ça change,” as the French might say. Not all my memories triggered at the Carter Center were of public events and issues. The personal connection of my family to the Carter family is fleeting and recent but treasured; and a decision by Carter long ago led to one of the strangest interviews of my journalism career. The personal connection is with two of my grandchildren, big sister and little brother. Not long ago, they were in a public building when — who happened to walk by? None other than Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter, the most out-and-about former First Couple ever. The kids’ dad alertly seized the photo op. So two young descendants have a special picture as a future keepsake. My unusual interview experience came 43 years ago in Atlanta when Carter was still president and he sent the American military to Iran on a mission to rescue the 52 American hostages held by Islamic militants. The mission failed; aircraft crashed; and eight Americans died in the
desert. At that time, I happened to be in Atlanta to interview Hank Aaron for a Detroit Free Press series called “Blacks and Baseball.” In that I also wrote about television sports for that paper then, I tried to talk to Ted Turner, whose Atlanta Braves were a big national hit on a new platform called “cable television.” Also a yacht-racing bon vivant who looked like Clark Gable as Rhett Butler in Gone With The Wind, Turner was about to launch a news channel called Cable News Network, also known as “CNN.” In that he cared about international affairs, I walked into his office and sat down to a volcanic eruption of invective and anger spewed toward President Carter. I wish I’d tape-recorded Turner’s tantrum. Turner began shouting at me, red in the face and waving his arms, spittle flecking his lips, as if he was yelling directly at Carter. “How could you do this?” was the gist of most questions. “What is wrong with you?” I got the distinct impression that Turner felt humiliated because Carter, like Turner, represented Georgia in an era in which it tried to shed some of its Southern stereotypes. I’d dealt with angry athletes and coaches before, but never a man who seemed to be foaming at the mouth and this near violence. Was he about to challenge me to a duel? At that point I did something I’d never done before during an interview and haven’t done since: I stood up and walked out of Turner’s office as fast as possible. “So soon?” his surprised secretary asked as I burst through the door and past her. “He’s nuts,” I said. Of course, the Carter museum includes an exhibit on his fatal rescue mishap, probably the worst moment of Carter’s administration. In that section, labeled “1980,” there also was a reference to the CNN launch and a big picture of Ted Turner, looming over the room. (It made me shiver.) But the building also displays many photos and mementos of the high point of the Carter Administration, the Camp David Accords for Middle East peace in 1978 between Egypt and Israel.
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Jimmy Carter kisses Rosalynn Carter during a ceremony in which he receives the Final Report of the President’s Commission on Mental Health in 1978. ALAMY
Until recently, I never knew that Carter pushed the peace process by taking the leaders Anwar el-Sadat of Egypt and Menachem Begin of Israel on a visit to the American Civil War battlefield at Gettysburg. The two men won the Nobel Peace Prize for 1978 and Carter won one in 2002. The museum also emphasizes Mrs. Carter’s attendance at meetings of her husband’s cabinet and National Security Council, and about her travel to Latin America to confront human rights abuses. She successfully encouraged public opinion to regard mental illness as legitimate and treatable. Unlike some former First Couples, the Carters received more acclaim for work outside the White House than while in it. “In the ensuing four decades, in the nation’s longest post-presidency, the Carters set a transcendent example of humanitarian public service,” the Orlando Sentinel wrote. “[They were] a luminous example to others and an inspiration to a nation beset by public cynicism about Washington and its politicians.” Throughout the building, in various contexts, a visitor encounters photos of them together. Video and audio exhibits echo the words “human,” “humanity,” “humane,” and “peace.” So, too, are the grounds peaceful at the Carter Center, with a distant view of downtown Atlanta, a fountain, and a walking trail around a lake. Also there is a haven for migrating monarch butterflies left by Rosalynn. From a selfish, old Detroit sports writer point of view, I found one of the most charming exhibits in the museum to be
one that replicated the kind of home Carter grew up in as a boy in Plains, Georgia, in the 1930s. Alongside period furniture there stood a radio of that era. Among the recordings playing through its speaker was one of a baseball announcer (Ty Tyson?) calling a Hank Greenberg fielding play for the Tigers in the 1935 World Series against the Chicago Cubs. Another broadcast played the 1938 heavyweight boxing championship victory by Detroit’s Joe Louis over Nazi Germany’s Max Schmeling. Detroiters with long memories might recall how Mayor Coleman Young — a Louis friend and advocate — built Joe Louis Arena with the help of money that flowed from Washington to Detroit during the Carter era. Coincidentally, the first major nonsports event at the JLA was Reagan’s nominating convention to run against Carter. Imagine that. And it is fitting and proper that Rosalynn Carter requested a performance at her memorial service of the song “Imagine,” John Lennon’s secular hymn. It includes the words “Imagine all the people living life in peace… You may say I’m a dreamer…” Coincidentally, Lennon died a month after Carter lost his bid for re-election to Reagan, but his dream of human harmony lived on in people like the Carters. After leaving the White House, the former president taught Sunday school. He and Rosalynn dedicated the rest of their long lives to eradicating disease and building shelters for less fortunate human beings. Imagine that, too.
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the gift of gab It’s influencer and talk show host Randi Rossario’s world — and we’re just living in it BY KAHN SANTORI DAVISON Randi Rossario sits in a wicker chair inside of Brix Room studio in Farmington Hills dressed like a perfect Detroit fall day: burnt orange sweater, jeans, and boots. She touches up her dark-colored lipstick and makeup, glancing at her husband J.T for assurance. Lately, it seems every time you pick up your phone or your remote you’re likely to bump into Rossario. She’s a social media influencer whose viral videos are known for their mordant humor and acerbic wit. She’s currently on tour with nationally renowned podcast Tonight’s Conservation, and her talk show The Randi Rossario Show debuted on Tubi this past summer. She’s a new age mix of Wendy Williams and Star Jones, with a splash of Iyanla Vanzant and a whole lot of Detroit. “I’ve wanted a talk show since I was a little girl. I have been this perison my entire life,” she says. “I remember when I was 5 years old and I was talking to my grandfather and he was like, ‘Don’t you ever get tired of talking?’ And I looked him in the face and said, ‘No grandpa,’ and I kept talking.” Her penchant for being talkative followed her through high school, where she was voted “class know it all” and “class gossip queen.” “I always knew the tea,” she says, smirking. Around that same time she was learning how to turn pennies into profits working as an impromptu waitress for her parent’s basement parties. “We used to make hors d’oeuvres, I used to walk around with my tray, and rolls of meat and cheese with the toothpicks through them, and I would get my tips,” she recalls. The teenage business venture was her first foray into a club-like atmosphere and an inclination that she could find entrepreneurial routes in entertainment. Rossario, a native of Detroit’s Eastside, feels that growing up, African American youths aren’t presented with
a full scope of occupations and opportunities to pursue. “A lot of times I think that as people from the hood, what’s projected to us is that you can hit the next level from only a couple of avenues,” she says. “I knew I wasn’t going to be a doctor, I knew I wasn’t going to be an engineer, I knew early on I wanted to get into entertainment and as creative you jump right to music.” After high school she began her journey of trying to discover that creative niche. She teamed up with DJ Lish and started an entertainment company together called PYT, and later broke away from that and started her own company Lucky Entertainment. In 2012 she took a job for Radio One, becoming the youngest account executive they hired. “I needed to understand how business in media worked,” she says. But after a year things felt stagnant as she felt her ideas to grow the income of the station (and herself) weren’t embraced. Rossario felt she had learned what she had needed to, and decided to move on. Around the same time she started a rap group Ella & Rosie. The group was bold, lyrical, and beautiful, without all the trap tales of gaming men for money. Some of her music industry peers convinced her the group was too “tomboyish,” and it wouldn’t work, so she pivoted. (“It’s really unfortunate because had I stuck to rap, it really could have been my thing,” she boasts.) In 2014 Rossario decided to return to radio,
and launched Oh So! Radio. “I knew I was a good host, I knew what direction I wanted to go in,” she says. “The radio station came about because I didn’t want to let this buzz I have from Ella & Rosie die completely.” Oh So Radio was a 24-hour radio station that streamed online and on-air. The station hosted talk shows, music, and served as a platform for many of Detroit’s up and coming journalists. She calls it, “a hub of creatives just figuring it the fuck out!” Rossario played all roles, including on-air personality, advertising rep, and programer. “The most important thing was the impact it had on the community and the culture,” she says. “That’s worth more to me than making money. To know that I used my time and I helped people along their path, that’s more than anything.” After five years of building up Oh So Radio, Rossario’s music itch came back and she formed a new group. This time it was Rosie & The Fellas, a rock band Rossario started with her two twin brothers. Sonically the band was a heavy dose of pop rock with a pinch of hiphop. They found a unique space in Detroit music as it was able to appeal to different audiences of various music genres. They performed regularly, and their song “Options” highlighted their versatility. “The rock band was more me being who I am,” she says.
As the Rossario was both a face of a band and a radio station, she felt her creative and business career were on the fast track to stardom. But in January of 2018 Rossario’s world was derailed when a near fatal car accident left her with a series of injuries
Randi Rossario has cultivated a large following as a social media influencer.
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KAHN SANTORI DAVISON
Cutline.
CREDIT
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including post-traumatic epilepsy and depression. “My body wasn’t the same,” she says. “It’s still not the same. It put a harsh halt to everything I was doing. I was physically, mentally, emotionally fucked up.” Rossario was stuck in a mental and physical isolation. Physically, she was unable to be what she was, and spiritually she was trying to pull herself out of a darkness birthed by depression. She could no longer perform with Rosie & the Fellas, and Oh So Radio started to lose steam. “As a 25 year-old I was not smart enough or aware enough to understand to establish the business as its own entity without my face being there,” she says. Amid healing and introspection she began writing a series of books. One of the first was Good Day Goals: Planning and Execution Workbook, which she calls her most important book. “It’s full of honesty, real life work for you to get through what you’re going through,” she says. The book went on to sell more than 80,000 copies. During that same time period she began posting Instagram videos full of inspiration, humor, and self-help. This would become her “influencer” calling card, as every video ranked in thousands of views and likes. “My videos were hitting. I was depressed and going through it. People love that kind of stuff,” she says with a laugh. On Dec. 26, 2018, in an Instagram post that received 118,000 views she asked, “It’s time to self assess… ask yourself, why every single year you gotta cut somebody off? What is it about your energy that you always have to cut somebody off?” On March 11, 2019, in an Instagram post that received 55,000 views, she asked, “Why do we be so proud of our character flaws? Being mean isn’t who you are by nature, being moody and rude; my Daddy didn’t make you like that! What’s keeping your spirit in such a dark palace?” Rossario admits that the advice and commentary was just as much for her as it was for her audience. She was soul searching in real time, and feels that journey was just as important to her brand as any of her other endeavors. All the while, her followers grew; she now claims nearly 400,000 on Instagram and nearly 73,000 on TikTok. “The dopeness is that they got to feel the effects of my healing journey,” she says. “While I’m healing myself, I’m helping them. I’m validating their feelings, I’m validating their experiences, I’m validating what they’re going through at this moment.” What she was experiencing echoed what others were feeling amid the
Randi Rossario speaks with Stewe, left.
loneliness of the COVID-19 pandemic, but both Rossario’s personal and professional life had found a new swagger. She penned four more books, birthed a child, and married Maples, a former love interest and creative peer she had known from the beginning of her career. “I was always attracted to Randi’s work ethic and desire for the most out of life,” says Maples, who is also her manager. “At the same time, I seen that she, like most people, was too afraid to actually do what it takes to get to the next level. Randi doesn’t like discomfort, and unfortunately that’s needed in order to elevate. So I elevated her… in business, as a creative, as a partner and as a friend.” “I went from being a rock star to being a mother with two bonus kids and a baby,” she says with a smile. As Rossario began to pay more attention to prioritizing being a mother and wife, she realized she was giving too much energy to social media. Her daily motivational videos, while generating heartfelt appreciation from fans, started to feel like a chore. Plus, the parasocial dependency of some of her followers began to make her feel uncomfortable. On one occasion, Rossario tracked down the family members of a follower after he threatened suicide and was able to get him help. “A year later he made a whole video about it thanking me,” she says. “But I had to make adjustments because it was starting to affect my mental health and the energy in my household. I would feel like I have to get this video done by this time or such and such, or someone is going to die today.” Rossario decreased the amount of videos she posted and changed the frequency of posts. There would be no more set times or certain days for postings. In her case, being a slave to social media wasn’t about being chained to garnering like and followers but by being an empath. She felt her true fans and followers would stay with her regardless, and she was right.
In December 2021, nationally
COURTESY PHOTO
renowned motivational speaker and author Ace Metaphor reached out to Rossario to join the panel of speakers on his highly successful traveling and streaming podcast, Tonight’s Conversation. “The internet eats it the fuck up,” she says. “I am a hired talent. They call it a podcast, but it’s a show. It’s deeper than a podcast, it’s a full-blown production.” The podcast usually consists of six speakers discussing various aspects of a marriage, relationships, and adulthood in front of a live audience. The show is completely interactive, and has the feeling of putting all your favorite talk show hosts together on the same stage. The online version is subscriptionbased, while the touring show routinely sells out 1,100- to 2,800-seat venues and records three shows at every stop. “It’s literally one of the dopest things I’ve ever experienced,” she says. “I get paid to travel and talk… It’s not anything else like that out here right now.” Rossario found herself notching more wins when on March 19 of this year she succeeded in launching the inaugural season of The Randi Rossario Show on the Tubi streaming platform. Tubi, a Fox-owned company, has long been a favorite of independent Detroit filmmakers. The Randi Rossario Show marks the first time they’ve ever had a talk show. “It’s going to stay on Tubi unless another network wants to buy it and make it make sense,” Rossario says. The show usually has three guests with Rossario, and notable Detroiters from the city’s hip-hop community including DJBJ 3525, Ro Spit, Pretty Brayah, and Stewe are just a few who’ve made appearances on the show. The first episode started off with a provocative discussion on sex, but the other five episodes explored a wide range of topics. “That was really to catfish people,” Rossario says with a sneaky laugh. “They thought it was just going to be a sex show, but they weren’t expecting it to have substance, and conversations about entrepreneurship, mental health, fatherhood, and motherhood.” Rossario is quick to point out that
her personality is exactly the same whether she’s in front of a mic, phone, stage, or simply talking to friends. She doesn’t think there are too many misconceptions about her, but she feels the public believes her social media vigor is the most present form of her personality. “I think people think I’m this strong ‘rah-rah’ girl all the time. But I be home making his plates, making my husband food, making sure my parents are good, washing my kids’ clothes,” she says. “Behind closed doors I’m a soft woman, I’m a feminine woman.” From a personal standpoint, Rossario says she’s proud of all her creative endeavors and says they tell the perfect story of who she is and who she’s becoming. She says her biggest regret was allowing the 2018 car accident to take her to the dark emotional place that it did. From a professional standpoint, she regrets not sticking with the Ella & Rosie rap group, because it was the one time she let another person talk her out of an idea. “Allowing people to get in my ear when it came to that tomboy music shit because it could have popped — I wasn’t standing strong in what I could have done in my music career,” she says. It’s one of the main reasons she’s so headstrong now. Rossario has a Kanyelike attitude where she thrives on what people tell her she can’t do. “I’m not letting nobody stop me because the one time I did let somebody stop me, it could have been some shit,” she says. “It could have really been a big thing.” Moving forward, the second season of The Randi Rossario Show has already been filmed and edited. She hopes to incorporate live audiences in the future, and possibly extend the season beyond six episodes. Rossario is now 31 and is the quintessential representation of Generation Y: a creative who’s going to examine all the economical avenues of what she creates without sacrificing her morals or beliefs. As much she credits herself for putting the work in, she also credits J.T. for having the vision and keeping the batteries in her back charged to bring their dreams to fruition. “We got back together in 2018, he literally told me, ‘You’re going to be a touring influencer, you’re going to be a household name,’ just everything I’m doing right now, he told me I was going to do.” You can catch Randi Rossario as part of Tonight’s Conversation: Love & Uncut, from 4-11 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 9 at Huntington Place, 1 Washington Blvd., Detroit; huntingtonplacedetroit.com. Tickets are $64.97 and available from acemetaphor.shop.
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WHAT’S GOING ON Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue website before events for latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/ AddEvent.
MUSIC Wednesday, Dec. 6 96.3 WDVD pres. Blaine & Lauren’s Acoustic Christmas with Train 6:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $57.50-$97.50.
Thursday, Dec. 7 Dirty Honey, Austin Meade 6:30 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $27.50. 99.5 WYCD Detroit’s Country presents Country Ugly Sweater Party 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $10. A Johnny Reid Christmas - One Night Only 8 p.m.; Caesars Palace Windsor - Augustus Ballroom, 377 E. Riverside Dr., Windsor; $33-$83. The Claudettes, the Plutophonics 8 p.m.; Cadieux Cafe, 4300 Cadieux Rd., Detroit; $15. Damien Escobar : Victory Lap Tour 8 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $43-$55. Hollywood Casino @ Greektown Dave Koz & Friends Christmas Tour 2023 8 p.m.; The Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit; $35-$75. Hot Red Chili Peppers - A Tribute to the Red Hot Chili Peppers 7 p.m.; Emerald Theatre, 31 N. Walnut St., Mount Clemens; $20-$200. LSDREAM 7 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $29.99-$35. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 p.m.; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $8. Sky Ferreira 7 p.m.; Majestic Theatre, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $29.50.
Friday, Dec. 8 Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 p.m.; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $8. Dogstar, Archer Oh 7 p.m.; Majestic Theatre, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $40. Fool House - The Ultimate 90’s Dance Party 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $20-$30. Holiday Jam with the Paul King
Quintet 6-9 p.m.; St. John’s Episcopal Church, 26998 Woodward Ave., Royal Oak; $25-$50. Lez Zeppelin 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $36. Robert Jon & The Wreck 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $30. Teenage Halloween, Lester., Stay at Home Dads, Cult Therapy 8:30 p.m.; Lager House, 1254 Michigan Ave., Detroit; $13. Temple of Void, Sauron, Hanging Fortress 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15. The Twistin’ Tarantulas, The Detroit Fury, Dirty Copper 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $15.
DJ/Dance Adventure Club, Whales, Vastive 9 p.m.; Elektricity Nightclub, 15 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; $22.50-$30. AFROSOUL VOL. 14 with Dot NG, MISSCHRISTY ANA, Jamaal Abiade, Tommy Ego, and Naija Mike 10 p.m.-2 a.m.; Willis Show Bar, 4156 Third St., Detroit; $15-$150. DISCO LOUNGE all-vinyl tribute to the club era w/ DJ Eric Kacir 9 p.m.-1 a.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.
Saturday, Dec. 9 Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 p.m.; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $8. bar italia, Ivory Black 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $18. Boys Of Fall, Shallow Truths, Plainview, As We Divide 6 p.m.; The Shelter, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $18.
Band 8-10 p.m.; 20 Front Street, 20 Front St., Lake Orion; $20. Magic Bag presents: Gary Hoey’s Ho Ho Hoey Rockin’ Holiday Show 8 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $40. Marsha Ambrosius and Chrisette Michele 8 p.m.; The Music Hall, 350 Madison Ave., Detroit; $69.99$134.99. Queen: From Mercury with Love 8-9 p.m.; Longway Planetarium, 1310 Kearsley St., Flint; $8. Taproot, I Set My Friends On Fire, Riding With Killers 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $25-$35. Terry Lee Goffee - Tribute To Johnny Cash 8 p.m.; Emerald Theatre, 31 N. Walnut St., Mount Clemens; $20-$200. Wreking Crue - Motley Crue Tribute, Sunset Blvd, Silverspork 7:30 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $20. Yule Yowl with The Antibuddies, The Daddy Sisters, and Girl Fight 9 p.m.; Garden Bowl Lounge, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; no cover.
Sunday, Dec. 10 A Very Darren Crissmas 7:30 p.m.; Fisher Theatre, 3011 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit; $39.50-$89.50. A Wilhelm Scream, Frank White, Come Out Fighting 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20. Aqua: Barbie World Tour 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $50-$75. Brian McKnight Hits and Holidays 7:30 p.m.; Sound Board, 2901 Grand River Ave., Detroit; $57-$68.
Creepy Cheapy Holiday Treat 8 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $10.
Doja Cat, Ice Spice 7:30 p.m.; Little Caesars Arena, 2645 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $49.50-$179.50.
Emo Night Brooklyn (18+) 9 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $15-$20.
Grosse Pointe Symphony Orchestra Holiday Concert 3-4:30 p.m.; The War Memorial, 32 Lake Shore Drive, Grosse Pointe Farms; $20 ($15 seniors, $5 college students, free to students K-12).
JERRY’S TONE: Jerry Garcia Band Tribute 9 p.m.-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover. The Jingle Jam hosted by La Shaun phoenix Moore with BRYCE LP, LaKesha DeShawn Bynum, Mish, Myla Cabral, Sofia Goetz, Jazmine Jamai, Steven D. Thomas, and The Drews Key
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Horse Cave Trio Holiday Party 8 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15. Pigeons Playing Ping Pong, the North 41 6:15 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $29.50. Sky Covington’s Sunday Night
Jam Sessions every Sunday with band Club Crescendo 8 p.m.-midnight; Woodbridge Pub, 5169 Trumbull St., Detroit; donation.
Monday, Dec. 11 Body Void, Graboids, Pillar of Light 7 pm; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15.
DJ/Dance Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 p.m.; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.
Tuesday, Dec.12 Craig Owens, Voila, Andres, The Seafloor Cinema 6 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $25. High Priest, Dominarian, Monolithic Architecture 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15. Travis Scott, Teezo Touchdown 7 p.m.; Little Caesars Arena, 2645 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $61.50-$251.50.
DJ/Dance B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 p.m.-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.
HOLIDAY Holiday Walk at Meadow Brook Hall A self-guided indoor tour featuring incomparable holiday sights and decorations inside Meadow Brook Hall, the historic mansion and National Historic Landmark located in Rochester on the campus of Oakland University. Saturdays, Sundays, 10 a.m.-4:30 p.m. and Tuesdays-Fridays, 11 a.m.-4:30 p.m.; Meadow Brook Hall, Oakland University, Rochester; $20.50. Winter Wonder Lights at Meadow Brook Hall A self-guided outdoor event featuring unique light displays across the grounds of Meadow Brook Hall. Fridays, Saturdays, 5:30-10 p.m. and Thursdays, Sundays, 5:30-9 p.m.; Meadow Brook Hall, Oakland University, Rochester; $22.50. Edsel & Eleanor Ford House Home for the Holidays at Ford House. A new winter experience at Ford House, where visitors can enjoy a beautifully lit evening walk throughout the historic estate, marveling at the glittering white lights and the first floor of the Main Residence. Enjoy a complimentary hot chocolate as you exit. $10-$30. FridaysSundays, 6-9 p.m. City Bird 14th anniversary. An afternoon of treats and good cheer, including a spin on a Prize Wheel to win fun prizes with any purchase, a free “Cheers from Michigan” pint glass with any purchase over $100, enter to win a $200 shopping spree in-store, no purchase necessary,
complimentary refreshments, and DJ Dave Lawson spinning the best Christmas tunes on the patio. Saturday, Dec. 9, 12-4 p.m. Glenlore Trails An immersive wintery outdoor holiday experience through an enchanted forest filled with holiday lights and holiday sounds. Perfect for all ages. Thursday-Sunday evenings, thru Dec. 30.
THEATER AXIS Lounge Dueling Pianos: An Interactive Entertainment Experience. Thursdays, 8 p.m.-midnight; no cover. Detroit Repertory Theatre Topdog/Underdog. $25 advance, $30 day of show; Fridays, Saturdays, 8-10:30 p.m., Saturdays, 3-5:30 p.m., and Sundays, 2-4:30 p.m. Fisher Theatre American Girl Live. $29.50-$89.50, Thursday Dec. 7, 6 p.m. Flagstar Strand Theatre for the Performing Arts Doorway Of Imagination. $14 Thursday Dec. 7, 7 p.m., Friday, Dec. 8, 7 p.m., and Saturday, Dec. 9, 4 p.m. Flint Repertory Theatre Little Scrooge: A comedy by Patricia Barry Rumble. Friday, Dec. 8, 7-8 p.m. and Saturday Dec. 9, 2-3 p.m. Fox Theatre A Magical Cirque Christmas (Touring). $35-$65. Friday, Dec. 8, 7:30 p.m. Meadow Brook Theatre A Christmas Carol. $45. Thursday Dec. 7, 7 p.m., Friday, Dec. 8, 8 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 9, 2 & 6:30 p.m., and Sunday, 2 & 6:30 p.m. The Inspired Acting Company Talley’s Folly by Lanford Wilson. $35 general admission, $30 for 30 and under, and 65 and up. Friday, Dec. 8, 8-10 p.m., Saturday Dec. 9, 8-10 p.m., and Sunday, 2-4 p.m.
Musical Detroit Public Theatre’s ‘Holiday Cabaret’ Wednesday Dec. 6, 2 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 7, 8 p.m., Friday, Dec. 8, 8 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 9, 2 & 8 p.m., and Sunday, 2 p.m.; Detroit Public Theatre, 3960 Third Ave., Detroit; $47. Frozen (Touring) Wednesday, Dec. 6, 7:30 p.m., Thursday, Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m., Friday, Dec. 8, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 9, 2 & 7:30 p.m., Sunday, 1 & 6:30 p.m., and Tuesday, 7:30 p.m.; The Skydeck, 1526 Broadway, Detroit; $45-$120. A Man for Christmas: An NTG Original Parody Friday, Dec. 8, 7:30 p.m., Saturday, Dec. 9, 7:30 p.m., and Sunday, 2:30 p.m.; Riverside Arts Center, 76 N. Huron St., Ypsilanti; $12 advance, $15 day of show., $10. One Sleepy Night - Detroit, an Original Christmas Musical Wednesday, Dec. 6, 7-9 p.m., Thursday,
“The Hip Hop Nutcracker” puts a spin on the Christmas classic.
Critics’ picks The Hip Hop Nutcracker
STAGE: The Hip Hop Nutcracker, featuring a cast of a dozen dancers, a DJ, violinist, and one of hip-hop’s founding fathers, MC Kurtis Blow, is coming to Fisher Theatre for two performances on Saturday. The show is a remixed and reimagined version of the classic, fusing Tchaikovsky’s score with infectious hip-hop beats. The contemporary dance spectacle transforms the landscape of 19th century Germany to the diverse sights and sounds of contemporary New York City, using digital graffiti and visuals while paying homage to E.T.A. Hoffmann’s classic story of Clara and her magical Nutcracker Prince. Kurtis Blow’s 1979 single “Christmas Rappin” became the first commercially successful hip-hop hit, and his 1980 track “The Breaks” became the first certified gold rap song. —Steve Neavling Shows at 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, Dec. 9; Fisher Theatre at 3011 W. Grand Blvd., Detroit; hiphopnutcracker.com. Tickets are $35-$160.
The Creepy Cheapy Holiday Treat HOLIDAY FUN: The Crofoot has expanded its popular Halloween Creepy Cheapy costume party with a new Christmas edition. As with the
CHERYL MANN
spookier version, costumes are encouraged, but instead of cover bands this time music will be handled by the Strangers Unlimited performing holiday pop favorites (Danny Runey, Jeff Hughes, Billy Harrington, Bob Mervak Matt Martinez, Tyson Haynes, Andrew Schwartzenberger, Olivia Dear, Tom Butwin, and Alejandro Lemus). There will also be a throwback dance party featuring hits from the ’80s to the aughts, plus cocktails, photos with Santa Claus, a “cookie-eating contest of doom,” and other treats. If this is anything like the Halloween version, you’d better ho-ho-hurry on up and buy tickets before it sells out. —Lee DeVito Doors at 8 p.m.; Saturday, Dec. 9; The Crofoot Ballroom; 1 S. Saginaw St., Pontiac; creepycheapy.com. Tickets are $10. Ages 18+.
Music Gear & Record Sale BENEFIT: If you’re a music and art lover, this event may be for you — either to get some new stuff for yourself, support Detroit artists, or both. Tons of music equipment and 400plus records will be on sale to raise money for upcoming local business Moondog Café. The new coffee shop, music venue, and listening club is set to open mid-January in Detroit’s Wildemere Park neighborhood. Led by three Detroit-based artists, Moondog Café is currently crowdfunding
via Indiegogo to complete buildout of the venue. At the upcoming event, guests can listen to live DJ sets, watch the Lions game, and enjoy hot cocoa, cider, and snacks. If anyone has music gear or records of their own that they don’t need anymore, the Moondog team is accepting donations for the sale. To reach out or learn more, you can follow @moondogdetroit on Instagram. —Layla McMurtrie From 3-6 p.m.; on Sunday, Dec. 10; Motor City Dance Academy; 6509 Michigan Ave., Detroit. No cover.
Doja Cat and Ice Spice MUSIC: Doja Cat will be taking over Little Caesars Arena with her poppy brand of R&B and that exaggerated baby voice she sometimes does. The Grammy-award-winning singer is embarking on her first North American arena trek, “The Scarlet Tour,” with a stop at Detroit’s LCA. And while we *ahem* don’t want to eat her for lunch, Ice Spice will be in tow for the Detroit pit stop. “The Scarlet Tour” kicked off on Oct. 21 in San Francisco and travels across the U.S. and Canada before wrapping up in Chicago on Dec. 12. —Randiah Camille Green Event starts at 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, Dec. 10; Little Caesars Arena; 2645 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-4717000; 313presents.com. Tickets are $59.50+.
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MUSIC
gliara will also be joining for the evening. Of course, the venue will bring in the heavyweights for local support, with Ladylike, Secrets, TYLR, and 1-800-CALL-ASH (one half of Haute to Death) rounding out the bill. Advance tickets available via Resident Advisor. The event starts at 9 p.m. and goes to 3 a.m. —Joe
ALL YOUR TEAMS PLAYING ON OUR BIG SCREENS ALL YEAR!
LET’S GO LIONS! Fri 12/08
The DeCarlo Family/The Kasino Family Band/Thurman (alt pop/punk rock/post punk) Doors@9p/$5cover
Sat 12/09
BANGERZ & JAMZ (monthly) DJ AIMZ & DJ EM mixing 90’s & 00’s Doors@9p/$5cover
Happy Birthday, Andi Dixon! Mon 12/11
FREE POOL ALL DAY Tues 12/12
B. Y. O. R. Bring Your Own Records (weekly) Open Decks@8PM NO COVER IG: @byor_tuesdays_old_miami
Coming Up:
12/15 Berserker/Grand Circus/ Midnight Proof 12/16 Karalavara/Career Funeral/Bella Agonia/The New Relative 12/22 Cocktail Shake/ Brandon Z. Smith 12/23 SANTARCHY:Detroit Party Marching Band/ Summer Like The Season/Lung OPEN XMAS EVE 12P-12A & XMAS DAY 12P-2A! 12/29 Joel Douglas Gray/ Brion Riborn/Boy Blue 12/30 Vendors/The Wrenfields/Hung Up 12/31 NYE BASH w/BANGERZ & JAMZ ‘til 4am OPEN NEW YEAR’S DAY 12P-2AM Book Your Holiday Parties at The Old Miami email us: theoldmiamibarevents @gmail.com
Detroit’s Amp Fiddler needs our help.
Local Buzz By Broccoli and Joe Zimmer Got a Detroit music tip? Send it to music@metrotimes.com. Detroit continues to rally around Amp Fiddler: An incredible group of people in the Detroit creative community have all joined forces for a week of fundraising, volunteering, and donating their time and talents to help the legendary funkmeister Amp Fiddler pay off medical bills. On top of the Amped Up for Amp event starting at 6 p.m. this Sunday at Spot Lite (2905 Beaufait St., Detroit), there’s Slow Jams Detroit from 9 p.m.-2 a.m. on Monday, Dec. 11 at Woodbridge Pub (5169 Trumbull, Detroit); a local DJ showcase from 9 p.m.-2 a.m. on Tuesday, Dec. 12 at SPKRBX (200 Grand River Ave., Detroit); an art auction from 6-11 p.m. on Thursday, Dec. 14 at the Brooklyn Lodge (Corner of Brooklyn and Plum St., Detroit); and the Amp’d Up hip-hop finale from 9 p.m.-2 a.m. on Friday, Dec. 15 at Marble Bar (1501 Holden St., Detroit). Be sure to pop out to support an important pillar in Detroit music. —Broccoli Salami Rose Joe Louis at El Club: Yes, you read that correctly, I had to do a double take myself. Lindsay Olsen, better known by her stage name Salami Rose Joe Louis, is coming to El Club (4114 W. 4114 Vernor Hwy., De-
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RENE PASSET, FLICKR CREATIVE COMMONS
troit) starting at 7 p.m. this Friday, Dec. 8 with support from ILLingsworth. I couldn’t begin to imagine what her music must sound like solely based on the name, but in reading her bio some interesting clues emerge. She is signed to Flying Lotus’s Brainfeeder label, which released her latest album Akousmatikous in May of this year, and she toured with FlyLo as a part of his Flamagra album run. She has also toured with the likes of Tune-Yards and Toro y Moi, and she is even featured on Toro y Moi’s latest album Mahal. If you’re looking for some exciting, intergalactic sounds to cure your winter blues, grab your tickets via elclubdetroit.com today. —Broccoli Secretive duo Tiger & Woods bring authentic italo-disco flavor: Although it has become best known for its regular 12-hour parties and Movement weekend hijinks, I love a more intimate Marble Bar (1501 Holden St., Detroit) evening under the warm glow of the disco ball during the bitterly cold Detroit winter. It can be hard to leave the house when the sun goes away at 5 p.m. and the wind makes your eyebrows freeze, but it’s during the slower winter season that some hidden gems roll through down. Tiger & Woods are one such instance, and the secretive duo is playing a live set this Saturday, Dec. 9, that will feature the smoothest disco sounds in the universe. They’ve been known to mix in current house and techno samples as well, and the eclectic selector Massimiliano Pa-
Underground Music Academy and Blueprint finally get together: To refresh your memory (but you should really know this by now), Underground Music Academy is a project spearheaded by Waajeed that hosts educational workshops and events that “build the future leaders of independent electronic music.” It is just steps away from the historic 3000 E. Grand Blvd. building that houses the techno museum and Underground Resistance’s home base. The Blueprint party series shares a similar ethos: honoring those who came before, while showcasing those to come. The two are teaming up for a showcase at Spot Lite (2905 Beaufait St., Detroit) featuring the twinsister powerhouse duo Analog Soul from NYC, who bring a decades-spanning mix of the deeper side of techno, house, acid, jazz, and trip-hop. If it moves the soul, they play it, and they have a particular affinity for Detroit records. Local diverse DJ and producer Dej.y will also spin, as well as Blueprint residents DJ Etta, Blackmoonchild, and AK. The show starts at 8 p.m. on Friday, Dec. 15, and advance tickets are available via Resident Advisor. —Joe TETRAD next weekend at TV Lounge: If you’re looking for a masterclass in live dance music collaboration, look no further. TETRAD is happening at TV Lounge (2548 Grand River Ave., Detroit) starting at 9 p.m. on Saturday, Dec. 16, and the concept for the show is absolutely bonkers. You’ve heard of back to back DJ sets no doubt, which is a creative feat in and of itself, and maybe you’ve even seen b2b2b before, involving three selectors juggling over one another trying to keep the energy and vibe consistent throughout. OK, so imagine that but with four people, a 4X b2b, but here’s the kicker: they’re all performing LIVE sets. They are creating and improvising the music in real time, in a way that is more like a live band than a DJ, and they’re doing it all together simultaneously. The event features Asher Perkins, Augustus Williams, Justin James, and Rex Sepulveda doing a 4X live b2b all night long, with Mister Joshooa on opening duties. This is a show not to miss, so grab your tickets via Resident Advisor and prepare to have your mind blown. —Broccoli
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Creem publisher Barry Kramer and rock critic Lester Bangs had a love-hate relationship.
JOHN COLLIER
Rock ’n’ roll heart
Unearthed letter from Lester Bangs shows he was always like that By Lee DeVito
The late, great music critic Lester Bangs made a name for himself as editor-in-chief of Detroit-based Creem magazine, known for his gonzo writing style, sharp wit, and love of rock ’n’ roll. Apparently, Bangs brought the same energy to everything he wrote — even a 1976 office memo in which he unloaded on Creem publisher Barry Kramer, demanding a raise, health insurance, new typewriters for his staff, and a vacation so he could get married and take a honeymoon. The unearthed letter is published in the latest issue of Creem — revived last year by Kramer’s son as a quarterly following a decades-long hiatus — as part of a cover story package dedicated to Bangs that coincides with what would have been his 75th birthday. A photo from the era shows what appears to be Kramer and Bangs playfully squaring off in the Creem office. But the letter — which Bangs claimed he spent weeks writing and editing,
finishing it at home on a typewriter he purchased with his own money from Detroit’s former Hudson’s department store — shows how fraught the relationship between the two men actually was at that point. “I’m in this thing too deep,” Bangs wrote. “So don’t bother ever threatening to fire me again, either,” he added later in the letter. “Because you can’t. It’s as simple as that; we’re stuck with each other.” At issue was Bangs’s declining income, since Kramer discouraged him from pursuing freelance opportunities in rival publications like Rolling Stone. “You may have noticed, however, that we do have a better magazine,” Bangs wrote. “In fact, I think that with some very minor exceptions, the April issue may just be both the best issue aesthetically and the biggest single seller we have ever had. I’ve been telling everybody it’s a killer.” At another point in the letter, Bangs boasted that he made Creem “the most
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fantastick, incredible, far-out, intellectual, streetwise, and generally mindfucking rock ’n’ roll magazine in the history of the world.” The letter is peppered with other instances of Bangs’s signature brash style. That year, Creem’s Jaan Uhelszki, one of the first women to work in rock journalism, left the magazine to head to Los Angeles. Bangs said her replacement should also be a woman, “for reasons I can’t quite explain but make some sort of interior sense and have nothing to do with my pecker,” he maintained. “Maybe a lesbian would brighten the place up a bit.” The letter also offered a glimpse into his musical tastes at the time. Bangs said his interest in Lou Reed, an obsession of his that resulted in some of his best, most compelling writing, had waned (except for Metal Machine Music, which he demanded to be allowed to listen to in the office at full volume; “This is, after all, a rock ’n’ roll magazine”) and he was now
championing reggae (which he called “the only real soul music around”). “An acquired taste, but addictive once you get the message; also, the perfect antidote to disco poisoning,” he added. In the letter, Bangs also slammed Kramer for eavesdropping on his phone calls and accused him of stealing his drugs, though he found common ground over the fact that Kramer had allegedly gotten caught on the job drunk. “Welcome to the club,” Bangs wrote, adding, “this single incident will probably provide a bond in degeneracy which will help bring us closer together as friends and coworkers.” Bangs urged Kramer to set aside their differences for the greater good. “Whatever unpleasant feelings might ever have existed between you and I become irrelevant, paltry in the face of the goal towards which we are working and fighting together,” he wrote. He added, “the very fact that I would take the time and trouble to be as honest with you as I have here proves that I am probably a better friend of yours than you think, so — shake.” Bangs ended the letter asking for an immediate $25 per week raise and signed it, “Your most loyal nemesis.” Despite the impassioned missive, Bangs left Creem later that year for New York City, where he went on to write for The Village Voice, Playboy, and NME, among others. Kramer died in 1981 of a drug overdose at age 37. The next year, Bangs also died of a drug overdose at age 33. His work has gone on to influence generations of journalists, and he was even portrayed by Philip Seymour Hoffman in the 2000 movie Almost Famous, depicted wearing his iconic “DETROIT SUCKS” T-shirt. (A native of California, Bangs came to fall in love with the Motor City, calling it “rock’s only hope.”) Bangs appears on the new issue’s cover in an illustration by Gary Ciccarelli, who created a number of classic Creem covers in the 1970s. The special issue also includes an annotated selection of some of Bangs’s best work, as well as thoughts on the writer from former and current Creem staffers. That’s in addition to classic features like the “Creem Dream” (featuring heartthrob Mitski this issue), the beer-soaked “Creem Profiles” (with Japanese band Boris), and “Stars Cars” (a 1978 El Camino owned by Matt Pike of California metal band High of Fire), as well as new features like “Greetings from Detroit” by Protomartyr frontman Joe Casey. The new issue is available for purchase from creem.com.
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FOOD
Shun in Madison Heights serves some of metro Detroit’s finest ramen.
TOM PERKINS
A surprise ramen hit By Tom Perkins
For the most part, chefs at restaurants Metro Times reviews grew up cooking in kitchens at their parents’ restaurant, cut their teeth as a line cook for years, or otherwise arrived at their position steeped in culinary tradition. But every now and again, I encounter a chef with no culinary experience who never had a real drive to run a kitchen, but still got really good at making one dish — almost an accidental chef. Kevin Chai, 30, who makes ramen at his Madison Heights restaurant, Shun, fits that mold. Chai claims to know little of the culinary arts, but ramen videos on YouTube he watched in 2019 piqued his interest in preparing one of his favorite dishes. He started tinkering, then came across an ad for a ramen school in Japan. Almost on a whim he enrolled, and the month-long program taught him about ramen theory and the basics of building flavor. But his graduation was ill-timed — he caught one of the last flights back to the U.S. as the pandemic hit in early 2020. As the world returned to some
semblance of normalcy in 2021, Chai felt the need to do something to shake off the stress of the pandemic, and the idea for Shun took shape. After a few months of workshopping recipes, Chai and his dad, who had previously worked in kitchens at a range of restaurants, opened Shun in 2022. Word is finally getting out, and, folks, it is deserved. Chai, with no claim to culinary skill beyond ramen, is instantly making hits. His spicy tonkotsu is deep and a tad viscous — it sticks to your tongue, but not too much so. To thicken the broth a bit, Chai emulsifies the gelatin in bone marrow — he uses a marrowrich pork femur bone — and lets it simmer for about 24 hours. It arrives with tender slices of pork sirloin char siu, a departure from the usual pork belly, which is a switch Chai said he prefers because the sirloin holds some fat marbling and isn’t dry, but it’s also not overly fatty. The bowl is rounded out with a soy-braised egg and green onions. The tantanmen is Japan’s take on
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the Chinese dan dan noodle dish, and Chai’s version holds a rich, complex broth that’s nutty from the sesame tare and heated with chili paste, though it can be made without the latter. Shun prepares it with a slightly creamy, viscous pork broth, as opposed to the more common chicken broth, and the crumbled pork and char siu is excellent. Chai’s shoyu ramen is a clean and bright bowl that’s a bit sweet and salty, made with a chicken and soy broth. The pickled bamboo shoots provide pleasant accents, and it arrives with the char siu. Since my meals at Shun, I went to another ramen restaurant in metro Detroit that is fairly popular, and found the broth lacked the complexity and depth of Shun’s. They likely weren’t doing a 24-hour bone broth, and the extra effort shows. Chai’s dad holds down Shun’s sushi menu, and several rolls were solid, including the Troy roll with spicy tuna, cooked salmon, tempura for crunch, and masago. The better roll, however,
Shun Ramen & Sushi 30491 John R Rd., Madison Heights 248-588-7823 was the spicy yellowtail, which was a bit brighter in flavor, and also benefited from the tempura crunch. The starters we tried — karaage and chashu bun — passed muster. Shun is an unassuming spot in the former Thuy Trang Vietnamese restaurant space. The drink selection is limited to non-alcoholic beverages and it offers products like Asian chips with exotic flavors. During one of the visits, a group of self-described “foodie” women came in and began discussing their favorite ramen spots. They had tried every bowl of ramen in Michigan, they claimed, and the two best shops included one in Ann Arbor (presumably Slurping Turtle), and Shun. They might not be wrong.
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FOOD Chowhound
Dueling kielbasas By Robert Stempkowski
Chowhound is a weekly column about what’s trending in Detroit food culture. Tips: eat@metrotimes.com.
Families feud. Factions
within them with axes to grind occasionally take swings at settling things. One such occasion in our clan was always Christmas Eve, when a long-simmering rivalry between two of my aunts boiled-over into heated competition to claim best family cook bragging rights. In one corner, hailing from her home kitchen on Hartwell in East Dearborn, was Mrs. Mary “proud of that pronoun” Gozdzialski. In the other, from her nearby Reuter street digs, Ms. “I don’t need a man to tell me what to do,” Helen Stempkowski. Each intent on taking the crown, my constantly-sparring aunts trained their efforts on their respective strengths. Aunt Mary was our reigning pie-baking champ. Her apple, cherry, blueberry, and pumpkin offerings were all knockout-punch quality, and she brought a battery of them to the table every year. Aunt Helen’s ham, meanwhile, was world-class; intimidatingly magazine cover-worthy with its perfect studding of stickpin cloves and glossy, honeymustard glaze gussied-up with ginger ale or 7 Up (I forget which), her “secret” ingredient. To this day, while recognizing prime rib’s serious contender status, slow-roasted ham remains — in my mind — as great a whole-muscle meat presentation as anyone can put on a pedestal platter. Pound for pound, cost-wise, taste-wise, it’s what I put my money on. Evenly matched in cooking skills otherwise, my aunts kept to their respective camps in the days preceding the main event. Insiders from each side teased with reports that the competitors were in good shape, ready and raring to go at it again. Once the pork butt-grinding and pickled pig’s feet gelatin (which we ate as a dessert) were done, it was time to pop the tops on the pickled Herring and open the annual can of Polish culinary whoopass on each other. Christmas Eve came; fight night.
The meat of the matter.
With the 6:30 ringing of the dinner bell, it was on. Opening rounds were contested at Aunt Helen’s house, where my grandmother lived and reigned as family figurehead. The second Grandma finished saying grace, her two girls started jabbing. “Now tell me what you think of my kielbasa,” Aunt Helen baited around the tables, dishing it out and fishing for compliments. Heads bobbed over first bites. Full mouths muffled general nom-noms. Nobody answered with anything specific. We all knew better, and what she’d say next: “I just hope there’s not too much garlic.” Those were fighting words. “Now me, I like it garlicky,” Aunt Mary countered quick. Shots fired and taken by both combatants, everyone eating within earshot instantly became potential conscripts to the conflict. Seats at the table turned foxholes for ducking into as the subject of sausage filling became cannon fodder flying back and forth in passive-aggressive salvos. Most of us kept our heads down. A few who tried to be heroes died on that molehill. “I like it either way,” Uncle Stash (Stanley) — proud Marine — at once volunteered. Neither of his sisters appreciated his diplomacy. Shot down by both for transparent appeasement efforts, he beat a hasty retreat back into our silent company. All the rest of us could do was quietly admire him for it. “Garlic. No garlic. Same damn difference.” My Uncle Janek would charge in after way too many shots of cour-
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SHUTTERSTOCK
age before dinner, raising chuckles all around, let-loose with tacit agreement, no doubt. “Why are you laughing, Harry?” Aunt Mary would ask her husband, dead seriously. “Enough, Janek,” Aunt Helen would button her brother’s loose lip. “Maybe it’s time you had coffee already.” “Everybody just eat,” Grandma would referee in Polish when the go-‘rounds got too testy for her tastes. With fighters stifled and separated by her decree, we’d set to finishing a magnificent meal in a more peaceful quiet. “Now, that’s all good cooks need to hear around their tables…” she’d reset the mood a minute later. “…The sound of family with mouths full of food to enjoy.” Amen. God bless simple wisdoms. After dessert, we passed presents and more alcohol. By 8:30, the entire living room was covered in six inches of shredded wrapping paper, and the whole house reeked of Old Grand-Dad Bourbon, beer belches, and Lucky Strike cigarette smoke. That strongscented memory of my childhood Christmases still perfumes my sentimentality over the Holidays. What I wouldn’t give for another whiff. At 9:00, on Aunt Helen’s unceremonious cue (“OK, Grandma needs her sleep!”), everyone packed up and took the party over to Aunt Mary and Uncle Harry’s house, where the family Christmas proceeded into extended poker or Pinochle playing and — remarkably — a second seating of full-blown din-
ner served a scant two after the first; mirroring its predecessor dish for dish, but presided over this time by proud Mary. Uncontested now by contrary opinion (Aunt Helen always stayed back with Grandma), she had her say. “Try my kapusta [kielbasa and sauerkraut],” she beamed with the glow of a girl who’d had her share of highballs [bourbon and Squirt] by then. “It’s just right.” These days, this Goldilocks of garlicflavoring is the sole survivor among her siblings. At nearly 101, she spoke with me “long-distance” as she says, from her nursing home in Traverse City, just this past week. “You know, Bobby,” she looked back with me, lucid and illuminating in hindsight. “Some memories are happy. Some sad. But they’re all precious. It’s a shame how much time we spent quarreling, but I loved my sister and I’m sure she loved me.” The point she drove home was most poignant, given how their story ended; after many years of them barely speaking to each other over a perceived slight centered around — of all things — a missed ride to church. My Aunt Helen went to her rest in 2009 with the rift between them unresolved. And that brings us back to the whole point here. Maybe this Christmas, bury the hatchet with someone you love but sometimes can barely stand for some silly reason or another. Like my mother used to say for her part in it, “The hard feelings really aren’t worth it.”
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CULTURE
Joaquin Phoenix plays Napoleon like a gamer always on the edge of rage quitting.
APPLE TV
Film
The Joker is riled By Craig D. Lindsey
Napoleon Rated: R Run-time: 157 minutes
At one point in Ridley Scott’s
new biopic Napoleon, Napoleon Bonaparte yells at someone, “You think you’re so smart just because you have boats!” You wouldn’t expect something so bratty and petulant to come out of the mouth of the legendary French commander and leader. But you would expect something so bratty and petulant to come out of the mouth of Joaquin Phoenix, the guy who’s playing him in this film. Having Phoenix, that prankish loose cannon (his Best Actor Oscar win for playing the Joker almost seems like it was prophesied), assume the role of Bonaparte feels like another one of Scott’s crazy casting moves, adding some chaos to an otherwise stodgy true story. Lest we forget, he brought Lady Gaga, Adam Driver, Al Pacino, and a ridiculous-looking, cuckoo-bananas Jared Leto (another scenery-chewing Oscar winner who once played Batman’s archnemesis) together a couple
years ago for House of Gucci and had them overact their heads off. While some might’ve thought that movie was a campy clusterfuck, I was quite amused by how Scott refused to rein in these A-listers, letting them add more absurdity to that insane story of ’80sera greed and murder. When you think about it, it makes perfect sense for Scott to link up again with Phoenix (who also served as a producer) to play Bonaparte. More than two decades ago, Scott had Phoenix play the power-mad emperor antagonist in Gladiator. The one-time “rapper” went all in on making his character the sort of petty, pervy, swole-in-thechest tyrant you just couldn’t wait for Russell Crowe to slide his foot way up his ass. Phoenix is still a petty, pervy, swolein-the-chest tyrant in Napoleon. But this time, he injects his performance with empathy. Bonaparte may be a stubborn son-of-a-bitch, engaging in bloody battle after bloody battle like a man staging an intense, never-ending game of chess with his opponents. But he’s always a dedicated, determined warrior, fighting even when things clearly aren’t gonna go his way. It is fascinating watching Phoenix play Bonaparte like he’s a gamer who’s
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constantly on the verge of rage quitting. While he’s surrounded by actors (Rupert Everett, Swimming Pool’s Ludivine Sagnier, A Prophet’s Tahar Rahim) who at least are acting like they’re living in the time the movie is set, there’s practically nothing French or noble about Phoenix’s Bonaparte. Even when he becomes emperor of France, he mostly acts like he’s in cosplay — a Comic-Con king. As with most period piece biopics, this is really a love story. When dude isn’t in battle, he has quite the toxic relationship with his wife Josephine (Vanessa Kirby). Napoleon is crazy about this gal, even when she’s creeping around with another guy while he’s abroad. (Napoleon also had side chicks, so she feels her creeping is justified.) Phoenix is at his nuttiest whenever he’s around Kirby and her icy-ass stare. Whether they’re engaging in bitter button-pushing or messy baby-making (Phoenix really makes Bonaparte look like a rabid dog in heat during love scenes), the pair are two broken people who are clearly made for each other, even when they have to divorce because she can’t give him a son. But enough about Phoenix and his wacky ass. Napoleon has Scott once again making an action epic (which
his old friend Stanley Kubrick wanted to make but never got around to doing) that is equal parts majestic and bombastic. As the movie focuses on six major battles that Bonaparte fought, the battle sequences are vast, unpredictable, and gory as hell. Even horses aren’t safe from the limb-shattering madness. It’s almost like the 85-year-old Scott continues to make these vivid, violent, visually voluminous movies because no one else really does them anymore. (Scholars and historians be damned — he’s on his David Lean shit!) While most blockbusters look like they’ve been cobbled together on somebody’s iPad, the practical effects, sweeping locales (captured by veteran cinematographer Dariusz Wolski), and minimal CGI/VFX that Scott works with on Napoleon almost feels like a middle finger to this age of AI. Considering how the movie will be shown on IMAX screens and in 70mm, he really wants you to get up close and personal with the colossal carnage that goes down, whether it’s on the battlefield or in the bedroom. Basically, what Scott is saying with Napoleon is that, from the action to the acting, no computer program could ever come up with a movie this entertainingly batshit.
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CULTURE Savage Love
Maintenance Haze By Dan Savage
Q: It’s been a month since my great five-year-long relationship ended and it’s my fault. We were both in our mid-forties, got along, and had amazing sex three to four times a week. Yet I felt unsatisfied with the sex, as it was almost always “maintenance sex,” at least on my ex-partner’s side. While I found it enjoyable, I knew she often didn’t. Another reason for my dissatisfaction was her inability to converse about the things I am most passionate about: music, movies, anime, and the paranormal. Her interests were tax codes, insurance rates, and other administrative topics. It should also be noted that my ex was a heavy pot smoker due to terrible menstrual cramps and, as a consequence, I became a huge pothead. I actually broke up with her after our first year, but we ended up getting back together after she texted to tell me how heartbroken she was. I loved her and felt terrible about the whole situation, so I caved. Afterall, I enjoyed my time with her, and, despite conversations that were often boring, the pot-fueled maintenance sex was amazing, and the cuddling afterward was nice. Fast forward three years and an attractive woman in her twenties moves in next door and we quickly become friends. She would bring pastries over for my child (I’m a single dad) and once brought soup over when I had the f lu. On one occasion she drunkenly knocked on my door late at night, wanting to hang out. I couldn’t, as I had my child at the time. Due to the dissatisfaction I had long felt about the maintenance sex that characterized my relationship, I was tempted to have sex with my neighbor, if she was interested. I told my girlfriend about the late-night incident, and she demanded that I no longer hang out with my neighbor. I agreed but soon I was hanging out with my neighbor behind my girlfriend’s back. My girlfriend found out by snooping through my phone and broke up with me. I was devas-
tated and begged for her to forgive me, which she did on the condition that I cease all contact with my young neighbor. I agreed and another (pleasant) year passed until I met another young woman who seemed to like me. This young woman, also in her twenties, was interested in all the same things I am. Knowing I couldn’t trust myself, I made the difficult decision to break up with my girlfriend. When she left my house for what I thought would be the last time, I felt like I had destroyed a functional relationship. It wasn’t perfect — lack of common interests, uneven sex drives — but we enjoyed each other’s company. So, a week later I asked her to take me back again. She agreed. A few weeks later, I was again scheming to hang out with this twentysomething young woman. I was almost immediately busted by my girlfriend — she snooped and read my texts (this time on my laptop) — and upon discovering my betrayal, she screamed at me at the top of her lungs before slamming the door and exiting my life, this time, I fear, forever. Will the regret and shame I feel ever go away? I’m utterly “maidenless” now and, in my mid forties, am having a difficult time finding someone in my wheelhouse. I was kidding myself that two cute women in their twenties would be interested in a man like me. So, not only did I wreck a perfectly good relationship, in the end I wrecked it for nothing. There was no pussy at the end of this shit rainbow. Please, Dan, tell me something that will make me feel better about this f laming dumpster. Will I find my way? Or am I condemned to forever lay in the bed I shat? —Anonymous Magnum Subscriber
A: So, you didn’t actually cheat on
your ex-girlfriend, right? You thought about cheating on her, AMS, and you were tempted to cheat on her, and you’d gone to the trouble of crafting a rationalization: the sex with the girlfriend, while amazing, was maintenance sex (at least on her end), which somehow ruined the sex for you without making it any less amazing. I’m not sure how one squares that circle — lousy and amazing — but in the end, AMS, you never actually touched someone else with your dick.
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And it’s not like you were indiscreet. Your ex only learned you were talking to a young neighbor that — let’s be honest — nothing was likely to happen with because 1. you told your ex about her and 2. your ex took that admission as a justification to snoop on your devices. I’m not your ex-girlfriend — my boundaries are not her boundaries — but if I were a straight woman in my forties with a straight male partner in his forties, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn he’d engaged in harmless, delusional, and discreet flirtations with other women. If I knew I couldn’t handle it emotionally, I would ask him not to tell me about his flirtatious interactions with other women and I wouldn’t go looking for evidence of them. So long as my boyfriend didn’t do anything stupid — so long as flirtations remained flirtations and didn’t turn into affairs and/or the kind of obsessions that result in neglect — I would suspend my disbelief, turn a blind eye, and enjoy a few harmless flirtations of my own. But, again, I’m not your girlfriend, AMS, and neither is your girlfriend anymore. Zooming out for a second… Many people want to believe that younger women who are interested in older men — which includes a subset of young women who are specifically attracted to partnered older men for reasons — are a figment of the straight male imagination. That’s not true. While there are fewer younger women out there who are interested in older men than there are older men like to imagine and/ or write screenplays about, some younger women are attracted to older men. (Jon Hamm is in his fifties and he can still get it.) The odds that
you ran into two of these women in such a short period of time are close to zero (as are the odds that you look like Jon Hamm), AMS, but it seems possible — at least to me — that you might’ve run into one. Or… Your young drunk neighbor and/ or that other young woman who was interested in the paranormal might not have been flirting with you at all and you misread — due to dickful thinking — simple/messy neighborliness and/or shared interests as sexual interest. I’ve been going on for a while here without answering your question: Will you find your way? Yes, AMS, you will. It’s only been a month since you broke up with your on-again, off-again, on-again, off-again, onagain, off-again ex-girlfriend. Just because you haven’t found someone else in four weeks doesn’t mean you won’t find someone else. My hunch is that you’ll wind up getting back together with your ex-girlfriend — on-again, off-again relationships are like that — and when you do, AMS, I hope you’ll have a renewed appreciation for her. Frankly, AMS, your ex-girlfriend sounds pretty amazing… and you sound like you let and your ego, vanity, and self-pity fuck up a good-to-great relationship. If you’re lucky enough to have your ex come back into your life, resolve not to take her for granted anymore. If maintenance sex makes you sad, only have sex when she’s horny — sex that she’s just as excited to have — and take care of yourself the rest of the time. If she doesn’t enjoy discussing music, movies, anime, and the paranormal, talk about other things (there are other things). And speaking as someone who doesn’t
understand tax codes and insurance rates, being with someone who does — God bless you, Terry — is a pretty good deal. P.S. They say there’s no fatal dose of pot, but if discussing the paranormal was something my partner insisted on, I would find it. P.P.S. Delete “shit rainbow” from your vocabulary immediately. P.P.P.S. Thank you for being a Magnum Sub, AMS!
Q: My friend needs help. He’s an
adorable 30-year-old gay boy who’s a top but his mannerisms, height, demeanor, and exceptionally cute butt suggest otherwise. We’ve been friends since I was 19 and he was 22. Here’s the issue: He’s so strident about monogamy that it turns most men off, which is a shame. Most gay/bi men expect some degree of openness! Additionally, like that one college student you’ve mentioned on your show, he thinks relationships that start out as hookups or something slightly sleazier are suspect
whereas I and the most significant men in my life disagree! Besides occasionally offering a nudge, is there anything I can do for him? He truly is a catch, and I don’t like seeing him glum. He’s broken up with several guys who can’t commit to total monogamy forever — all while still being f lirty with me, a guy who has multiple partners. (Nothing would work out between us, as we’re both tops.) I know that my life is enhanced dramatically by my boyfriends, and I just want him to have what I have, instead of going to bed alone almost every night. How can I help him? —Boy Explaining One Possible Erotic Niche
A: Does he want to be helped,
BEOPEN? I’ve known some gay couples who met cute, e.g., their straight besties conspired to introduce them, they reached for the same sweater on a sale rack, they took a class together at college, etc. But most gay couples
I’ve known met sleazy, e.g., they swapped hole pics on Grindr by way of introduction, they were chained to the same rack in a sex dungeon in Berlin, they met sucking dick in a cruisy toilet at college, etc. I’m going to guess that your friend, having been out and for at least decade, has met enough gay couples to know that ruling out guys he meets under sleazy circumstances — he doesn’t go to bed alone every night — is an act of romantic self-sabotage. Same goes for browbeating men who might be willing to consider monogamy (at least at the start, at least for him) by insisting their commitment to monogamy on principle before he’ll consider dating them. So, I’m guessing this problem — your hot friend’s inability to find a boyfriend — isn’t a problem for him. Some people set unrealistic expectations/conditions at the start of their dating lives, they’re alone as a result, and they eventually adjust their expectations/conditions. But not everyone who sets unrealistic
expectations/conditions is unhappy about being alone — some prefer to be alone — but they would rather be seen as pitiable than seen as be damaged or emotionally stunted. (For the record: I don’t think people who prefer to be single are damaged or emotionally stunted.) So, they never adjust their expectations/ conditions because they’re only pretending to be unhappy about still being single. Seeing as there are guys out there who want monogamy as badly as your friend (my hunch) on pretending he does, BEOPEN, the fact that he hasn’t managed to locate even one over the last decade is solid evidence he isn’t seriously looking. Which means your friend’s insistence on monogamy isn’t an obstacle he faces, but rather a barricade he built. Got problems? Everyone does! Send your question to mailbox@savage. love! Podcasts, columns, and more at Savage.Love.
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CULTURE Free Will Astrology By Rob Brezsny ARIES: March 21 – April 19 I will cheer you on as you tenderly push yourself to be extra exploratory in the coming weeks. It’s exciting that you are contemplating adventures that might lead you to wild frontiers and half-forbidden zones. The chances are good that you will provoke uncanny inspirations and attract generous lessons. Go higher and deeper and further, dear Aries. Track down secret treasures and lyrical unpredictability. Experiment with the concept of holy rebellion. TAURUS: April 20 – May 20 In January, I will tempt you to be a spirited adventurer who undertakes smart risks. I will invite you to consider venturing into unknown territory and expanding the scope of your education. But right now, I advise you to address your precious needs for stability and security. I encourage you to take extra good care of your comfort
zone and even add cozy new features to it. Here’s a suggestion: Grab a pen and paper, or open a new file on your favorite device, then compose a list of everything you can do to feel exceedingly safe and supported. GEMINI: May 21 – June 20 Booker T. Washington (1856– 1915) was an American Black leader who advocated a gradual, incremental approach to fighting the effects of racism. Hard work and good education were the cornerstones of his policies. Then there was W. E. B. Dubois (1868–1963). He was an American Black leader who encouraged a more aggressive plan of action. Protest, agitation, pressure, and relentless demands for equal rights were core principles in his philosophy. In the coming months, I recommend a blend of these attitudes for you. You’ve got two big jobs: to improve the world you live in and get all the benefits you need and deserve from it. CANCER: June 21 – July 22 I periodically get a big jolt of feeling how much I don’t know. I am overwhelmed with the understanding of how meager my understanding of life really is. On the one hand, this is deflating to my ego. On the other hand, it’s wildly refreshing. I feel a liberating rush of relief to acknowledge that I am so far from being perfect and complete that there’s no need for me to worry about trying to be perfect or complete. I heartily recommend this meditation to you, fellow Cancerian. From an astrological perspective, now is a favorable time to thrive on fertile emptiness.
Behavior yourself on those Christmas pub crawls, Santa is watching, along with the NSA. Ever notice Santa, Trump, QAnon and Jesus all have 5 letters, maybe they’re the same person?… However, Jesus was better at multiplying fishes and loaves than Trump was at multiplying votes…too soon?
3PM -2AM EVERY DAY
LEO: July 23 – August 22 Have you reached your full height? If there were ever a time during your adult life when you would literally get taller, it might be in the coming weeks. And that’s not the only kind of growth spurt that may occur. Your hair and fingernails may lengthen faster than usual. I wouldn’t be shocked if your breasts or penis got bigger. But even more importantly, I suspect your healthy brain cells will multiply at a brisk pace. Your ability to understand how the world really works will flourish. You will have an increased flair for thinking creatively. VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22 I like Virgo author Cheryl Strayed’s thoughts about genuine
38 December 6-12, 2023 | metrotimes.com
togetherness. She says, “True intimacy isn’t a cluster fuck or a psychodrama. It isn’t the highest highs and lowest lows. It’s a tiny bit of those things on occasion, with a whole lot of everything else in between. It’s communion and mellow compatibility. It’s friendship and mutual respect.” I also like Virgo author Sam Keen’s views on togetherness. He says, “At the heart of sex is something intrinsically spiritual, the desire for a union so primal it can be called divine.” Let’s make those two perspectives your guideposts in the coming weeks, Virgo. LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22 According to my interpretation of your astrological prospects, you now have the capacity to accelerate quickly and slow down smoothly; to exult in idealistic visions and hunker down in pragmatic action; to balance exuberant generosity with careful discernment — and vice versa. In general, Libra, you have an extraordinary ability to shift moods and modes with graceful effectiveness — as well as a finely honed sense of when each mood and mode is exactly right for the situation you’re in. I won’t be surprised if you accomplish well-balanced miracles. SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21: Dear Goddess — Thank you a trillion times for never fulfilling those prayers I sent your way all those years ago. Remember? When I begged and pleaded with you to get me into a sexy love relationship with You Know Who? I am so lucky, so glad, that you rejected my prayers. Though I didn’t see it then, I now realize that being in an intimate weave with her would have turned out badly for both her and me. You were so wise to deny me that misguided quest for “pleasure.” Now dear Goddess, I am asking you to perform a similar service for any Scorpio readers who may be beseeching you to provide them with experiences they will ultimately be better off without. SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21 Among our most impressive superpowers is the potency to transform ourselves in alignment with our conscious intentions. For example, suppose you feel awkward because you made an insensitive comment to a friend. In that case, you can take action to assuage any hurt feelings you caused and thereby dissolve your awkwardness. Or let’s say you no longer want to be closely connected to people who believe their freedom is more important than everyone else’s freedom. With a clear vision and a bolt of willpower, you can do what it takes to create that shift. These are acts of true magic — as wizardly as any occult
ritual. I believe you will have extra access to this superpower in the coming weeks. Homework: Identify three situations or feelings you will use your magic to change. CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19 The eminent Capricorn philosopher William James (1842–1910) is referred to as the “Father of American Psychology.” He was a brilliant thinker who excelled in the arts of logic and reason. Yet he had a fundamental understanding that reason and logic were not the only valid kinds of intelligence. He wrote, “Rational consciousness is but one special type of consciousness, whilst all about it, parted from it by the filmiest of screens, there lie potential forms of consciousness entirely different.” This quote appears in his book The Varieties of Religious Experience. In accordance with astrological omens, I invite you to investigate those other types of consciousness in the coming months. You don’t need drugs to do so. Simply state your intention that you want to. Other spurs: dreamwork, soulful sex, dancing, meditation, nature walks, deep conversations. AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18 Are people sometimes jealous or judgmental toward you for being so adept at multitasking? Are you weary of dawdlers urging you not to move, talk, and mutate so quickly? Do you fantasize about having more cohorts who could join you in your darting, daring leaps of logic? If you answered yes to these questions, I expect you will soon experience an enjoyable pivot. Your quick-change skills will be appreciated and rewarded more than usual. You will thrive while invoking the spiritual power of unpredictability. PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20 Romantic relationships take work if you want them to remain vigorous and authentic. So do friendships. The factors that brought you together in the first place may not be enough to keep you bonded forever. Both of you change and grow, and there’s no guarantee your souls will continue to love being interwoven. If disappointment creeps into your alliance, it’s usually wise to address the issues head-on as you try to reconfigure your connection. It’s not always feasible or desirable, though. I still feel sad about the friend I banished when I discovered he was racist and had hidden it from me. I hope these ruminations inspire you to give your friendships a lot of quality attention in 2024. It will be an excellent time to lift the best ones up to a higher octave. Homework: I dare you to reclaim a power you gave up once upon a time.
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40 December 6-12, 2023 | metrotimes.com