Metro Times 02/12/2025

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We received comments in response to news that jazz bassist Marion Hayden was named the 2025 Kresge Eminent Artist. Her contributions to Detroit’s culture earned her a $100,000 prize.

Congrats to @marionhaydenbass !!! So deserved. Shes a true Detroit treasure!! ����

—@lexygdetroit, Instagram

Great news and a well-deserved honor. She is one of my favorite musicians, not just of “Detroit musicians”, but “musicians”, period.

—Vic Doucette, Facebook

Marion is absolutely one of the

finest bassists around and a really great person. Congratulations!! Well deserved! ♥

—@bwilliamsmusic, Instagram

��� Congratulations Marion, what a great well deserved �� —@artloftdetroit, Instagram

THE GOAT �������� —@skyelea.music, Instagram

Very happy for and proud of you, Ms Marion …congrats ���� —@timsculy, Instagram

���� We are elated to celebrate Marion this year!

—@kresgeartsdetroit, Instagram

NEWS & VIEWS

Fear of ICE crackdowns paralyzes Detroit’s immigrant communities

The fear of federal immigration crackdowns is spreading through metro Detroit’s immigrant communities, keeping children out of schools, leaving businesses without workers, and forcing families to make gut-wrenching decisions about their safety and livelihoods.

In the weeks since President Donald Trump was inaugurated for his second term, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) has carried out raids in multiple cities across the country.

Although no large-scale raids have been publicly reported in Detroit, ICE agents have been increasingly spotted patrolling neighborhoods with large immigrant populations like Southwest Detroit, according to residents, activists, and elected officials.

The fear is destabilizing the lives of

many immigrants and their families, and the impact goes far beyond them.

“It’s a very overwhelming and emotional time for people everywhere,” Odalis Perales, coalition coordinator and policy researcher at Michigan United, a statewide civil rights group, tells Metro Times. “I’m going to schools and doing Know Your Rights presentations. I talk to the parents, and I can see the fear in their eyes. Their eyes tear up because their kids are scared to leave their parents. These stories are very sad.”

In Southwest Detroit, many immigrants are avoiding public places where they might be spotted by ICE agents, and that has had a big impact on schools and businesses. Some workers have stopped showing up to their jobs, worried that a traffic stop or workplace visit could lead to detention and deportation.

On Tuesday evening last week, Southwest Detroit’s normally lively streets were eerily quiet and empty. Standing outside a food truck, Daniel Martinez, a second-generation immigrant, said he’s worried about his extended family and the devastating impact that an immigration crackdown would have on his community.

“We follow the law and contribute to our city,” Martinez said. “We’re not hurting anyone. We just want to be a part of this community as much as anyone. This whole thing is infuriating.”

The good news is, in times of a crisis, tight-knit migrant communities like Southwest Detroit rally to support each other. Many businesses, including restaurants, grocers, and pharmacies, have begun offering delivery services so

people don’t have to venture out.

“The community is feeling vulnerable,” Laura Chavez-Wazeerud-Din, president and CEO of Southwest Detroit Business Association, tells Metro Times. “When you are undocumented and the state of Michigan doesn’t give you a drivers license, you live in constant fear. Many people don’t want to leave their homes.”

As a result, businesses are struggling. To maintain connections between businesses and their vulnerable customers, the Southwest Detroit Business Association is helping ease some of the fear and uncertainty by creating measures to protect the community.

“We want to be a trusted resource and provide solutions, and we are working with our businesses to craft ways to make sure they still get what

With federal agents increasing patrols in Detroit neighborhoods, many people are afraid to leave their homes.

STEVE NEAVLING

they need, while also serving their community,” Chavez-Wazeerud-Din says. “We’re trying to elevate these different techniques and promote them so the residents are able to get the goods and services they need, and the businesses continue to thrive.”

Children are also staying home from school, which could have a lasting impact on their learning and development.

“When we had an illegal action by immigration right down the street, 80% of the students didn’t show up to school the next day,” U.S. Rep. Rashida Tlaib said at a recent news conference in Southwest Detroit. “There is a real impact in our community when we only have enforcement, criminalization, and militarization in our neighborhoods. We’re getting calls all the time from nonprofit leaders, saying ‘We’re doing this work at a school. Should we stop?’ You absolutely should not stop. Continue to serve this beautiful community that continues to show up for all of us over and over again.”

Detroit Public Schools Community District Superintendent Nikolai P. Vitti recently sent a message to parents and staff, assuring them that the district “remains committed to protecting the rights of all students to have access to a free public education regardless of a child’s or family member’s immigration status.”

In 2019, the school board adopted the Sanctuary District Policy, which prohibits the district from turning over student records or children to immigration officials. But Trump signed an executive order last month, ending a policy that restricted ICE’s ability to arrest undocumented people at schools, hospitals, and houses of worship.

“This suggests that federal agents may now search or raid schools,” Vitti wrote in the message.

“These are certainly difficult times for our immigrant families and those of us who support them,” he added. “Please be assured that as a District we will always do everything within our influence and authority to protect and advocate for ALL our students and their families!!!”

The fear is also impacting college students whose parents may have a mixed status, activists say.

“What I’m really seeing is that a lot of our college students who either have papers or are undocumented, they are being impacted at the universities,” says Samantha Magdaleno, executive director of One Michigan, a youth immigrant rights organization. “Those that do have papers are taking the bus back home so they can go grocery shopping for their families and friends.”

Immigrant families are so fearful that

they are even returning to their native countries, despite the poverty and violence that may be awaiting them, Magdaleno says. Those fears are heightened by the incendiary and xenophobic rhetoric of the Trump administration and the alarming news that detained migrants are being sent to Guantanamo Bay.

“What is happening this time that didn’t happen in the [2016] election, people are deciding to self-deport and leave,” Magdaleno says. “It’s mixedstatus families. They heard about the concentration camps, and they don’t want their family to go through that. They’re selling their houses. We’re losing very good people who contribute to our economy every single day. This is something brand new.”

Throughout Trump’s campaign, he pledged to conduct a mass deportation operation. In nine days, ICE said it had arrested 7,400 people.

Trump boasted that ICE would remove immigrants with criminal histories, but so far the agency has provided very little information about the raids and how many of those picked up had criminal histories.

“We’re losing the next generation of engineers and doctors and lawyers,” Magdaleno says. “A majority of these families don’t have a criminal history, but they are scared because ICE is taking whoever they want to. They’re using racial profiling to pick up as many people as possible.”

Residents in need are feeling the impact of immigration issues hundreds of miles away. Hey Y’all Detroit, a local nonprofit that provides fresh food to low-income families in Southwest Detroit and Hamtramck, was forced to halt deliveries after the Texas farm that supplied its food lost much of its workforce. Fearing an impending ICE raid, workers there stayed home. The farm was later raided.

“It really, really hurts. It stings,” Charmane Neal, founder of Hey Y’all Detroit, says. “A lot of people we help are in very dire situations. Some of them don’t have running water or electricity. A lot of them don’t have transportation. So this is a huge blow.”

The Texas farm has been supplying Hey Y’All Detroit with produce for “virtually free for the last year and a half,” Neal says.

“Not only did they do that, but they contacted farms in the same area so we could get things like cheese, milk, and eggs. Just the sheer kindness of the farmers has been absolutely amazing.”

As Hey Y’All Detroit looks for a new food supply, it launched a fundraising campaign to help secure a building to centralize operations. The group also acquired three community gardens

and will be working with local farms. Hey Y’All Detroit also submitted grant applications for delivery vehicles and a building.

“Our plan is to crowdsource food locally,” the fundraiser states. “This will involve working with homesteads, home gardens, local farmers, farmers in Southeast Michigan, and food resource programs.”

When word got out about the Texas farm, Hey Y’All Detroit’s Facebook page became bombarded with hateful, anti-immigrant messages, indicating a growing hostility toward immigrants.

“Our comment section has been flooded with racist and bigoted remarks—and we will not tolerate it,” Neal wrote on Facebook. “I’ve had my phone in my hands 24/7 deleting hateful comments.”

She added, “We stand for unity, compassion, and respect—there is no place for hate here. PERIOD.”

Detroit City Councilwoman Gabriela Santiago-Romero, whose district includes Southwest Detroit, is worried about her community. She says ICE agents recently detained a man from a local soccer field “in front of his wife and kids after being here for over 30 years with no criminal record.”

She says it’s critical that residents don’t buy into the division created by Trump’s xenophobic rhetoric.

“We are an important piece of the fabric of this community, but we are being divided,” Santiago-Romero says. “This will impact all of us. Not only are they destroying families, they are destroying communities.”

Tlaib, a frequent critic of Trump and his bigoted rhetoric, says the community must unite to combat the hate.

“Our immigrant neighbors are under attack,” Tlaib says. “I want the current administration to know, you are not going to divide us by stoking fear in the community and targeting our neighbors, many of whom have been here for decades,” Tlaib says. “They are some of the most hardworking, loving community members you will ever find.”

Perales says it’s important for immigrant families to know their rights, stay informed, and help out each other.

“This anti-immigrant rhetoric makes it easy for us all to fall into despair,” Perales says. “It’s very important to lift each other up and be informed and prepared and hopeful and ready to act. This is an opportunity for us to come together and have solidarity. By uplifting each other, we can organize strategically and focus on this idea of love combating the hatefulness that is going around. We can really see that happening in Southwest Detroit.”

—Steve Neavling

R.I.P. MICHAEL BORK. WE WILL MISS YOU! GODSPEED BROTHER, YOU WERE A TRUE FRIEND.

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Whitmer criticized for first-ever execution of Michigan prisoner

An Alabama prison executed a Detroit man Thursday evening after Gov. Gretchen Whitmer declined to intervene, ignoring pleas from his family, attorneys, and death penalty opponents who argued she had the authority to demand his return to Michigan, where the death penalty has been abolished.

Demetrius Frazier, 52, was pronounced dead at 6:36 p.m. CST, executed by nitrogen gas at Holman Correctional Facility for the 1991 rape and murder of 41-year-old Pauline Brown in Birmingham, Alabama.

“First of all I want to apologize to the family and friends of Pauline Brown. What happened to Pauline Brown should have never happened,” Frazier said.

He added, “I love everybody on death row. Detroit Strong.”

Frazier also reportedly called out Whitmer for refusing to act.

Alabama officials put Frazier to death using nitrogen hypoxia, a controversial method that critics call inhumane and painful. Alabama pioneered the use of nitrogen gas for executions last year, killing three people with the method. The process involves fitting a respirator over the inmate’s face and replacing oxygen with pure nitrogen, causing suffocation.

Witnesses said Frazier trembled on the gurney, though less severely than those executed before him, the Associated Press reports.

In federal court, Frazier’s attorneys argued that nitrogen gas is a form of torture. A judge rejected the challenge, ruling that there was no proof that the method caused “severe psychological pain or distress over and above what is inherent in any execution.”

Four hours before the execution, death penalty opponents blasted Whitmer for what they called an unprecedented betrayal of Michigan’s long-standing opposition to capital punishment.

“Today, Governor Whitmer and Mr. Frazier are making history, in the wrong way,” Abraham Bonowitz, director of Death Penalty Action, said in a statement. “Whitmer is permitting the first execution of a Black person by nitrogen gas during the first week of Black History Month. She is allowing the first-ever execution of a Michigan prisoner, upending two centuries of Michigan’s storied opposition to executions.”

Michigan abolished the death penalty in 1847, becoming the first U.S. state to do so.

For weeks, Frazier’s family and legal team had pressed Whitmer to order his return to Michigan, where he was already serving life in prison for a separate murder. Attorneys argued Michigan maintained legal custody over Frazier, despite his 2011 transfer to Alabama, which was approved under a secretive agreement by then-Gov. Rick Snyder.

Whitmer, a Democrat who has repeatedly voiced opposition to the death penalty, claimed her hands were tied.

“It’s in the hands of Kay Ivey,” Whitmer said, referring to Alabama’s governor.

In a statement to Metro Times on Friday morning, Bonowitz expressed frustration with Whitmer.

“If Michigan had stood by its principals, she could have let the courts sort it out, and if that had happened, it is quite possible that Demetrius Frazier would not have become the first Michigan prisoner to be executed in the history of the state,” Bonowitz said.

Frazier’s family said Whitmer never responded to their pleas.

His mother, Carol Frazier, delivered a letter and petition signatures to Whitmer’s office, begging her to intervene.

“Please do not let Alabama put him to death,” she wrote. “I have been told that if you demand that Alabama return him,

there is a very good chance they would have to. Alabama suffocates their prisoners now. A lot of people have spoken out to say this is wrong.”

Michigan governors have previously blocked the extradition of inmates to death penalty states. In a nearly identical case, Michigan refused to send Clarence Ray Jr. to California, where he faced execution.

“You have the absolute authority to demand Mr. Frazier’s return,” his attorney, Spencer Hahn, wrote to Whitmer.

Michigan Attorney General Dana Nessel, a Democrat, also failed to act, missing a chance to at least let the courts decide whether Frazier should be returned to Michigan.

“Frazier’s lawyers had to give up his lawsuit because Attorney General Nessel told the court they didn’t want to pursue the matter,” Bonowitz said. “All Carol Frazier wanted was to be acknowledged, and for Governor Whitmer to try. And there is Governor Whitmer’s failure — not even trying.”

Frazier, who was 19 when he killed Brown, later confessed to the 1999 murder of 14-year-old Crystal Kendrick in Michi-

Classic license plates back — for a good cause

Now here’s a cool idea.

Michigan has brought back its retro license plate styles to help Gov. Gretchen Whitmer’s goal to “fix the damn roads.”

The Michigan Legislature passed bills to allow the Secretary of State to reissue the classic blue-and-white plates from 1983-2007 as well as blackand-white plates from 1979-1983.

The legislation was led by state Sen. Mallory McMorrow, a Royal Oak Democrat who previously worked as a designer for the Hot Wheels toy brand at Mattel.

“Michiganders love our cars and they’re part of our identity and expression,” McMorrow said in a statement.

“That was clear with the requests I heard to bring these throwback license plates back, and the excitement that’s come with finally making it happen.”

She added, “Expanding the retro plates available to drivers is a way to add a custom touch and harken back to other eras, all while generating revenue and improving our roads to ensure everyone has a smoother ride.”

The plates are available to purchase on the Michigan Secretary of State web-

site or at your local branch. They cost an additional $50 road fund fee plus a one-time $5 fee, with a $10 road fund fee collected each renewal.

The idea was borrowed from California, when Los Angeles Assemblyman and self-described “car guy” Mike Gatto wanted to make it easier for auto enthusiasts to restore their cars to a complete period look. His 2015 legislation brought back California’s black license plates from the 1960s, charging $50 for the plates.

In 2021, Michigan brought back its “Water-Winter Wonderland” plates first issued in 1965, which proved to be a hit

gan. He was convicted in Wayne County and sentenced to three life terms.

In his final statement, Frazier suggested that he falsely confessed to killing Kendrick.

In 1995, Alabama temporarily extradited him for trial in Brown’s murder. A jury convicted him and recommended the death penalty by a 10-2 vote. At the time, Alabama and Florida were the only states that did not require a unanimous jury for death sentences.

The execution was Alabama’s first this year and the nation’s fourth using nitrogen gas.

Before the execution, Bonowitz knew there was little hope after Whitmer refused to get involved.

“The fact that this is yet another experimental gas suffocation execution — the first of a Black man — should offend all of us,” Bonowitz said. “Other than state officials, anyone who witnessed the suffocations of Kenny Smith, Alan Miller, and Carey Grayson will tell you just how torturous it is. Tonight the State of Alabama will traumatize another batch of eyewitnesses to this unnecessary horror.”

—Steve Neavling

among motorists.

Next year, the state plans to bring back Michigan’s red, white, and blue bicentennial plate from 1976-1978 to celebrate the 250th anniversary of the U.S.

—Lee DeVito

Demetrius Frazier.

MICHIGAN DEPARTMENT OF CORRECTIONS

NEWS & VIEWS

Is this Coney feud more than a food fight?

By Joe Lapointe

My favorite Lafayette Coney Island moment came in 2002 when the Carolina Hurricanes were playing the Red Wings in the Stanley Cup finals during Detroit’s “Hockeytown” era.

The Canes were owned then by Peter Karmanos, a Detroit entrepreneur who built the Compuware company and the downtown skyscraper now known as One Campus Martius.

Carolina upset the Wings in Game 1 at Joe Louis Arena, putting Karmanos in a good mood. Before Game 2, he brought a group of family members and friends to the downtown restaurant on Lafayette so they could enjoy this authentic Motor City dining experience.

After we ordered, I glanced at the wall above Pete’s head. There on display hung a framed photo of grinning Lafayette Coney Island waiters holding the Stanley Cup in celebration of a Wings’ championship a few years before.

“I didn’t even see that,” Karmanos said with a smile over the bad omen, certainly some kind of a jinx. Sure enough, his team lost that night and lost the series to Detroit in five games. Four years later, Carolina won the Cup in seven games over Edmonton.

I stopped by Lafayette late last week, just to see if it had re-opened after shutting down in late January due to a rat report. But it remained closed. Although a sign on the door said that was due to remodeling, there didn’t appear to be anyone working inside the darkened space.

So I went next door for lunch to its larger, brighter ultra-rival, American Coney Island, where I saw no rats (and few customers).

I ordered my usual — “One of each on one, light onion” — which, to the layman, means: “Please bring me on a single plate one loose hamburger and one hot dog, both with mustard and chili gravy, but easy on the chopped onion.”

The service was fast, the food was fine, and the price was right: $10.34 plus two bucks for a tip. And it all brought back some memories. I first dined at the Coneys — both American and Lafayette

— around the year 1960.

My dad would take his kids there after Tigers baseball games at Briggs (Tiger) Stadium or maybe after the Labor Day parade. Years later, I’d eat alone on my lunch hour from work or, sometimes, with friends after sports or concerts or movies.

Once in a while, you’d see in both American and Lafayette people dressed in tuxedos and evening gowns after weddings or proms, often talking loudly and laughing in the hour after the bars closed. Occasionally, you might see the Stanley Cup.

Even before then, waiters in aprons on the sidewalk outside the two restaurants — owned by the two Keros brothers, Gust and Bill — would stand there waving in customers with white towels, pretending (we thought) to argue with each other in a language we didn’t understand.

We called the sandwiches “gut grenades” and you can guess why. Originally, the term “Coney Island” applied to just the hot dogs and loose hamburgers (which some might identify as cousins of chili dogs and sloppy joes).

But as the decades passed, the term “Coney” got applied to all the restaurants that sold these burgers and dogs in that style around metro Detroit. That included those that expanded their menus far from the basic fare that dominated the two downtown rivals.

So people here now say “Let’s meet at that Coney by you” the way people on the East Coast might say “Let’s meet at that diner near you.”

American was founded first, in 1917. According to the Detroit Historical Society, Greek immigrants may have started calling hot dogs “Coney Islands” because they passed through the oceanside park — Coney Island is in Brooklyn, New York. That may have been Gust’s first encounter with the American hot dog after immigrating from Greece.

After decades of family rivalry, Lafayette was sold to its employees in the early 1990s. American remains owned and run by Grace Keros, a granddaughter of the founder. Last month, she called a news conference to stress that her place next door to Lafayette has no rodents and remains open.

“I’m pissed,” Keros told the news media, referring to the rats next door. “I’m annoyed. I’m upset.”

She said — because the two Coneys share one common wall — the news media and the public will assume her place also has rodents. She mentioned that Lafayette got shut down for rat reasons in 2022.

“I’ll be damned if I’m going to allow them to hinder my business,” Keros said, adding, “This is my reputation. This is my livelihood … I’ve had it.” She described the relationship with Lafayette as “love-hate” but added, “Now, it’s

gotten dangerous” due to the rats. “I’ve had enough,” she said. “I’m sick of it.”

A recent Free Press article quoted the book Coney Detroit, whose co-author, Joe Grimm, called Detroit the heart of Coney Nation. “Nowhere else in the world will you find as many Coney Island restaurants, as many ways to eat Coneys or as many people who love them,” Grimm said.

So it’s good to know that the Motor City has contributed such exotic food — plus square pizza and Vernors’ ginger ale — to the American cuisine. Just be aware, Michiganders, when seeking our food specialty elsewhere, that not everyone speaks our language.

It’s like ordering “pop” on the east or west coasts. It just isn’t done. For example…

When we lived in the New York area some years ago, a young relative came for a summer visit. Wanting to give him an authentic New York experience, I took him on the subway to Coney Island to see the Atlantic Ocean, the amusement park, and a first-rate boardwalk.

This worked up our appetites, so we walked over to Nathan’s, the legendary hot dog stand that hosts the annual hotdog eating contest on the Fourth of July.

My companion told the server at the counter “Two Coneys, please” and the Nathan’s Coney Island hot dog worker looked back at him with a blank expression and said, “Huh?”

American and Lafayette Coney Islands have a “love-hate” relationship.

SHUTTERSTOCK

A quarter century of Detroit’s erotic art extravaganza

By Lee DeVito

Dirty work The Dirty Show’s gReatest hits

Notable Dirty Show artists

Erotic art likely started on cave walls and continued for millennia, reaching its zenith in the year 2000 with the first Dirty Show. A quarter century later it has grown from an underground happening into the biggest erotic art exhibition in North America. This year there will be more than 300 pieces of new erotic work on walls and stands, videos, and a stage loaded with A-list burlesque, drag, and performance art all in a celebration of this anniversary, billed as a Twenty-Five Year Smuttacular Silver Jubilee. In honor of the occasion, The exhibition is showing selected pieces from most of the past invited special guest artists. —Jerry Vile

H. R. Giger, 2006

Although we did not know it at the time, H. R. Giger became our first special guest artist. This was before we did juried art calls and the exhibition was mainly a local invitational with a smattering of bigger national artists. We had already promised a spotlight to a photographer whose main claim to fame was nude photos of a pre-famous Madonna he had sold to a men’s magazine. Giger was much cooler and way more important. Giger’s manager Les Barany delivered a variety of signed erotic prints and drawings since Giger was too ill to travel to Detroit (and likely too costly for our budget).

Now celebrating its 25th anniversary, Detroit’s Dirty Show offers plenty to look at.

Eric Kroll, 2008

This photographer and subject of the best-selling Taschen photo book was a superstar of erotica. Eric was a handful — a one-man tornado bouncing off walls and creating disruption with every step. The idea of him giving a daytime lecture was a spontaneous decision after he unexpectedly showed up. It happened in the afternoon after opening night. He filled the stage with every fetish model he could rope in, grabbed the mic, and gave a talk bordering on insanity and genius. He talked about his life, sex, cameras, sex, models, and more sex. It became clear his rambling lecture was not rehearsed or structured and was barely planned before it eventually imploded.

Bunny Yeager, 2008

Famous for the most iconic vintage Bettie Page photos, we jumped when we discovered Bunny was still alive. She wasn’t well enough to travel up from Florida, but had a huge library of Page pictures she could send. When the photos arrived we discovered most of them were not actual photos but offset printed on glossy paper for sale in the back of old skin mags. Fortunately there were enough actual photos to create her section. It wasn’t the treasure trove of vintage Bettie we had been drooling to get, but did the job.

Clive Barker, 2009

We approached author and director Barker about his paintings, and he let us know he was now concentrating on photography. He emailed pictures and they were all nude men, colorful, and harder (pun intended) than the typical black-and-white homoerotica trailblazed by Maplethorpe

wannabes. The Dirty Show was the world premiere of these photos and our opportunity to showcase the work of our first openly gay special guest artist.

Viva Van Story, 2010

Viva is one of the greatest pin-up photographers of all time. From immaculate vintage sets to perfect lingerie and stunning models, she is the best. We were so blown away by her work we had to showcase her contribution.

Rick Castro, 2011

Rick Castro is a filmmaker and renowned photographer. His work dwells into the world of fetish leather and hot men, usually kinky. His stint as special guest artist included a showing of his underground film Hustler White at the Burton Theatre.

Marne Lucas, 2012

Model-turned-photographer and contemporary queer artist Marne Lucas brought her (and Jacob Panders’s) classic underground movie The Operation to Detroit for the first time in 2012. Shot with infrared stock, the weirdly wonderful film blurs the lines between porn and art perfectly. It brought the house down when projected on stage. In addition to the movie, the strength of her photos show the former model surpassed her teachers.

Gregory de la Haba, 2013

There are some pieces of art that, once seen, can never be forgotten. We heard about erotic taxidermy horses with huge sculpted beavers and boners being shown

at Art Basel Miami and knew we had to display it. And it took months of sleuthing to discover Gregory de la Haba created it. Once uncovered it took years to convince him we could and would feature it — even if it required taking down a wall to get in the venue (Bert’s Warehouse). “Equis Maximus” is the most exciting piece of art we have ever had in the exhibition, and still consider it the best erotic contemporary art piece we’ve ever seen. We loved it so much we broke our rules and displayed it again after we had relocated to the larger space at the Russell.

Pat Olesko, 2014

This performance artist created the first major installation by a guest artist. Her walk- and crawl-through inflatable sculpture was perfect in the giant grounds the first year at the Russell after leaving the hopelessly crowded confines of Bert’s. Photographer Naomi Harris (America Swings) also gave a lecture on the second weekend while filling the role as a second special guest for the year.

John Waters, 2015

After seeing a Waters solo art show in L.A., we became obsessed with getting his contemporary art in the show. His sense of humor comes through work that is clever, biting, and often dirty. In addition to having him be the special guest artist, we were also able to book his stage show by starting Dirty a day earlier to merge the exhibition with his one-man show, This Filthy World: Filthier and Dirtier. Waters stayed after his show giving VIP access to the entire crowd by taking countless selfies and signing hundreds of books.

Colin Christian, 2016

I was enamored with Colin’s work after seeing pictures in Juxtapoz. His sculptures are beautiful, beyond cool, and he dominated every art show he was in. He was in our earlier shows going back to the Tangent. His work always stops viewers in their tracks. He is my favorite artist. In Colin’s own words: “I love taking part in the Dirty Show, none of us would be here without the feelings that the work on display can generate, of all the shows I’ve done the Detroit crowd is the warmest, most open-minded and diverse in nature, the city should be proud of this wild event.”

David Cerny, 2017

Rick Manore from C-Pop gallery was always more than helpful in landing artists for the exhibition. He moved to the Czech Republic where David Cerny is the biggest artist — their national treasure. Most of his work is outdoor sculpture and too big to ship — especially from overseas. He located a piece in NYC that was owned by a friend and let us put it in the show. It was a life-sized model of Eve — complete with the frames and tabs that let you know it is a glue-yourself model like you’d make as a kid. Luckily that year we had an entire art show coming in from NYC so we were able to ship it all in together in a step van as it was too delicate to ship by typical transit company.

Glenn Barr, 2019

Glenn was in the Dirty Show before it was even the Dirty Show. He helped invite artists as we only had 35 our first year and helped hang up art in the offices after it be -

What does Jerry Vile credit for the longevity of the Dirty Show, the annual erotic art exhibition he founded that is celebrating its 25th anniversary this year?

“I chose the right name,” he says. “The name is like a magnet. It attracts the right people — both artists and attendees — and it at the same time repels the wrong people, so we don’t get many of the stick-up-their-ass-type snobs you find at so many art fairs and galleries.”

That and — well, sex sells.

“The subject matter of the show releases dopamine in the brain of the attendees, so by viewing hundreds of erotic works and constantly seeing scantily clad stage performers and go-go dancers, the brain is flooded with feel-good chemicals,” he says.

Over the years, the event has grown from a small art party held in the Royal Oak offices of Vile’s former humor magazine Orbit to a sprawling festival held in recent years at Detroit’s Russell Industrial Center over two weekends. (In the years between it has been hosted at designer Camilo Pardo’s downtown studio, the Book Building’s former Museum of New Art, Bert’s Warehouse Theatre, and the Tangent Gallery.)

The show features hundreds of works by artists from Detroit and beyond, as well as burlesque and drag shows, a Cinerotic Film Festival, a dance club called the Daddyhole, and the best people-watching you’re likely to experience during this otherwise miserable time of year.

“And now that so many patrons are comfortable dressing skimpy, sexy, and shockingly — everywhere your eyeballs land, it makes your brain start releasing happy hormones,” Vile continues. “This makes everyone in the venue feel good and have fun.”

He adds, “It’s pretty hard to be unhappy at the Dirty Show.”

While the show started with mostly local artists, as it has grown it draws submissions from all over the world. Eventually, it began highlighting special “Featured Artists” ranging from local stars like Glenn Barr and Niagara to national and international artists including H. R. Giger, designer of the terrifying yet sexually charged monster from the Alien movies; cult-fave filmmaker John Waters; and pin-up photographer Bunny Yeager, among others.

This year, Vile says he plans to feature work from many of the “Featured Artists” from over the years, sort of like the Dirty’s Show’s “Greatest Hits.”

“I used to try to get famous erotic artists, and lucky for me, that didn’t work out as well as I wanted,” Vile says. “Because, you know, it’s like 90% white guys.”

But that, too, has changed.

came a sure thing that was gonna happen. I had avoided choosing local artists for the special guest artist. But when Cerny was sick and couldn’t make it to Detroit, we realized it doesn’t matter how famous the artist is in the art world. Barr is more famous in Detroit and loved by so many. We needed a painter and Barr is as strong as anybody in the nation. So it is like The Wizard of Oz: no place like home.

Niagara, 2020

Niagara was the first female artist to sign up for the original Dirty Show and the most famous name in that first exhibition. Art was dominated by men, as was the lowbrow scene and the entire art world. Twenty-one years later, The Colonel, her husband/manager called us up and asked when Niagara was gonna headline. Great idea. How about next show? Niagara was a friend and a personal fave. The exhibition almost didn’t happen because of the pandemic, but we beat it by a few weeks before the shutdown. It seemed no one caught the virus except for Niagara who got sick before they could even test for COVID. So if it had reached Michigan by that time, it reached her first.

Despite getting shots and washing our groceries, we had to cancel the following year’s show.

Tristian Eaton, 2022

Drove out to California during the pandemic to catch Tris’s retrospective at the Long Beach art Museum. He said yes to the special guest artist spot at the next Dirty Show. So we opened with proof of vax and masks in the

brave new world. It was at his show that I realized Tris was likely gonna be the most successful artist to ever come out of Detroit.

Mitch O’Connell, 2023

Mitch is the most fun artist I know. Even when he is in a show he can be as big as the headline artist, from his lifesized Dolly Parton painting to his stint having the immersive “Dirty Needle” tattoo shop showcasing his flash work (with others). His puffy covered art book World’s Best Artist explains this gem of a guy. So when he was the chosen one at Dirty he decided to go black-light as always. When MOC is involved expect amazing. In his own words: “The Dirty Show is a massive art happening where you can let your hair down, your pants down, and let it all hang out! I’ve been thrilled to participate in The Greatest Sleazy Show On Earth over the last dozen years! If you delight, like I do, in decedent debauchery while being immersed between sultry sexy performers and walls of pleasingly perverse paintings, this is your Shangri-La! I hit my artistic peak when I was flattered to be the featured artist in ’23 … a fact that I still try to shoehorn in every conversation I have. Thank goodness for The Dirty Show, the erotic expression emporium, for making the world a better place!”

Sas Christian, 2024

Massive talent with a unique style have made Sas one of the best known lowbrow painters in the world. Seeing her work in art magazines and having a connection through her spouse — Colin Christian, our guest artist in 2016 — made her a desirable must-have for the show. Erotic without

revealing any naughty bits, most hint at sexuality which makes her work uniquely erotic. Nobody paints better eyes, and the big eyes on her portraits suck you into a mental erotic narrative that, like a still frame from a movie, is beyond the depiction on the canvas.

Other notable artists

A legendary fetish photographer, Steve Diet Goedde is one of the biggest names in erotic art. Working with the best models and shooting only in natural light, never cliché and usually surprising, his latex always astounds. A master with enough books featuring his work to cement his name in history. Pablo Davis would be the first special guest. Was in his 90s when he joined the show at Tangent. Fetish painter Tom Porta would be second as he came in from Italy to Tangent.

Lady Pain, retiring resident dominatrix

“As the first performance artist to participate at the Dirty Show 25 years ago, I got into erotic art and kink with the mission to help make society more sexually enlightened,” she says. “This 25th anniversary will be my last year of creating an interactive installation because I feel that my goal has been accomplished. The attendees are all pretty comfortable in their kinks. One can easily observe this by just looking at the women in the crowd. Some of the ladies are dressed so scantily that it is hard to distinguish them from the performers. I even see men walking around with bondage equipment in an effort to entice others into the lifestyle. So my work here is done; it’s time for me to retire from being a professional pervert and set new goals for myself.”

WHAT’S GOING ON

Select events happening in metro Detroit this week. Be sure to check venue websites before all events for the latest information. Add your event to our online calendar: metrotimes.com/AddEvent.

MUSIC

Wednesday, Feb. 12

Live/Concert

99.5 WYCD’s Ten Man Jam: Joe Nichols, Chris Janson, Ernest, Ashley Cooke, Chase Matthew, Tucker Wetmore, Kameron Marlowe, Tigirlily Gold, Randall King, Bryce Leatherwood 6:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $29.50-$39.50.

Keshtkar & Co. 8-11 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Nate Topo & The 313 Group 8-10 p.m.; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; $20.

Silverstein 6 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $35-$80.

Undergang, Mephitic Corpse 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $20.

Matt Larusso Trio and guests 8-11 p.m.; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.

Thursday, Feb. 13

Live/Concert

The Jerome Clark Trio 6-10 p.m.; Bert’s Music Cafe, 2458 Brush St., Detroit, MI; $15.

Phantogram, meija 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $41-$61.

Rickshaw Billie’s Burger Patrol, Lip Critic 7 p.m.; Small’s, 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck; $15.

Sullivan King, YOOKiE, Grabbitz, RZRKT 8 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $29.50-$50. Karaoke

Dare-u-oke with DJ Thornstryker 9 p.m.-midnight; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.

Friday, Feb. 14

Live/Concert

Alan Walker, Robin Packalen, Telykast 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $39.50-$79.50.

En Vogue 8 p.m.; MGM Grand Detroit, 1777 Third St., Detroit; $69-$109.

Jerry’s Tone (Jerry Garcia BandGrateful Dead Tribute), DJ Chadwick 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Knuckle Dragger, Cullossus, Disturbio313, Permanently Pissed 7 p.m.; Small’s, 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck; $10.

Los del North Texas, Los Financieros 9 p.m.; El Agave, 1650 Perry St, Pontiac; $40.

Sarah and the Safe Word, Everybody’s Worried About Owen, Machinery of the Human Heart, The Sad Hour 7 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $18.

The Plot In You, Holding Absence, Boundaries, Acres 6 p.m.; Royal Oak Music Theatre, 318 W. Fourth St., Royal Oak; $29.50-$59.50.

Your Generation Band (tribute act covering five decades of pop, rock, dance and R&B hits) 8 p.m.; Andiamo Celebrity Showroom, 7096 E. 14 Mile Rd., Warren; $40-$79.

DJ/Dance

Ann Arbor Ecstatic Dance 7:30-10:30 p.m.; Ringstar Studio, 3907 Varsity Dr., Ann Arbor; $25-40 ($5 discount for cash).

Girl Math (VNSSA + Nala), Raedy

Lex 9 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $15-$20.

Love Saves the Day - Rocksteady Disco V-Day - Celebrating 55th Anniversary of The Loft 9 p.m.; Spot Lite, 2905 Beaufait St., Detroit; $10.95$21.95.

Saturday, Feb. 15

Live/Concert

A R I Z O N A, Moody Joody 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $32.50.

BoomBox, Drop Catch 8 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $22.

Cupid’s Country Night Out! (Saddle Up) 8 p.m.; Diamondback Music Hall, 49345 S. Interstate 94 Service Dr., Belleville; $0-$15.

Feisty Birds, Dr. Detroit 7 p.m.; The Loving Touch, 22634 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $10.

Forever Foo (Foo Fighters tribute) 8 p.m.; The Token Lounge, 28949 Joy Rd., Westland; $15-$80.

The Infamous Return of The Bloody Valentine! w/ Black Jake and Cowgirl 7-11:30 p.m.; Regal Beagle,

February 12-18, 2025 | metrotimes.com

817 E. Michigan Ave., Ypsilanti; $10 suggested donation.

Jennifer Westwood and the Handsome Devils, The Codgers, Midnight Proof at Odd Fellow Concert Lounge 7-11 p.m.; Odd Fellow Concert Lounge at Downriver Council For The Arts, 81 Chestnut St., Wyandotte; $10. Life of Suppression, Ill Collens, Stubborn Assholes, Ghidora, Wired God 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit, 2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15.

Magic Bag Presents: MEGA 80s 7 p.m.; Magic Bag, 22920 Woodward Ave., Ferndale; $20.

Mike Agranoff, Opener Bart Moore 7:30 p.m.; MAMA’s Coffeehouse at the Birmingham Unitarian Church, 38651 Woodward Ave., Bloomfield Hills; $17 ($15 student/senior).

Piano, Polka, & Pointe: Mozart, Strauss, & Tchaikovsky 7-10 p.m.; The Whiting, 1241 E. Kearsley St., Flint; Tickets start at $18; Genesee County Residents save 30%.

The Pizazz, Checker, DJ Ryan Patrick Hooper 9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

SUBFILTRONIK, Drippy, Mushroom Cloud, Lord Monk, GRVNDL, Lindzy Beatz 8 p.m.; Pike Room, 1 S. Saginaw, Pontiac; $20.

Taylor Dayne 8 p.m.; Andiamo Celebrity Showroom, 7096 E. 14 Mile Rd., Warren; $35-$79.

DJ/Dance

Liquid Stranger, Dr. Fresch, TVBOO, Smoakland, OkayJake 8 p.m.; Detroit Masonic Temple Library, 500 Temple St, Detroit; $34-$50.

Sunday, Feb. 16

Live/Concert

Apocalyptica Plays Metallica Vol. 2 Tour 6:30 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $27.50-$87.50.

Badfish (Sublime tour) 7 p.m.; District 142, 142 Maple St., Wyandotte; $20-$30.

Bryce Vine, JAYO 7 p.m.; Saint Andrew’s Hall, 431 E. Congress St., Detroit; $30.

EMU Choir at Historic Ypsilanti

First United Methodist Church 7-8:30 p.m.; First United Methodist Church of Ypsilanti, 209 Washtenaw Ave., Ypsilanti; no cover.

Gored Embrace, Primitive Rage, Decedent 6 p.m.; Sanctuary Detroit,

2932 Caniff St., Hamtramck; $15. NEMAHSIS 7 p.m.; Magic Stick, 4120 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $30-$35.

Phil Ogilvie’s Rhythm Kings 5-8 p.m.; Zal Gaz Grotto Club, 2070 W. Stadium Blvd., Ann Arbor; No Cover (tip jar for the band).

DJ/Dance

Public Healing 7 p.m.-midnight; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.

Karaoke

Sunday Karaoke in the Lounge 5-9 p.m.; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

Monday, Feb. 17

Live/Concert

Sky Covington ‘s Take 5- All Male Jazz Revue 7-10 p.m.; Aretha’s Jazz Cafe, 350 Madison St., Detroit; $35.

Foster the People, Good Neighbors 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $39.50-$69.50.

DJ/Dance

Adult Skate Night 8:30-11 p.m.; Lexus Velodrome, 601 Mack Ave., Detroit; $5.

Tuesday, Feb. 18

Live/Concert

Coleman Williams, Lightnin’ Luke, The Darkness Brothers 7 p.m.; Small’s, 10339 Conant St., Hamtramck; $15.

Father John Misty, Destroyer 7 p.m.; The Fillmore, 2115 Woodward Ave., Detroit; $45-$85.

Sean Blackman’s In Transit 7-10 p.m.; Northern Lights Lounge, 660 W. Baltimore St., Detroit; no cover.

DJ/Dance

B.Y.O.R Bring Your Own Records Night 9 p.m.-midnight; The Old Miami, 3930 Cass Ave., Detroit; no cover.

Karaoke

Open Mic : Art in a Fly Space 7-10 p.m.; Detroit Shipping Company, 474 Peterboro St., Detroit; no cover.

Tuesday Karaoke in the Lounge 8 p.m.-midnight; Bowlero Lanes & Lounge, 4209 Coolidge Hwy., Royal Oak; no cover.

THEATER

Performance

Ann Arbor Marriott Ypsilanti at Eagle Crest The Dinner Detective Comedy Mystery Dinner Show - Ann Arbor; $69.95; Saturday, 6-9 p.m.

Embassy Suites Troy The Dinner Detective Comedy Mystery Dinner Show - Detroit; $69.95; Saturday, 6-9 p.m.

Fox Theatre The Price Is Right LiveStage Show; $29-$59; Wednesday, 7 p.m.

Max M. Fisher Music Center Detroit Symphony Orchestra; Friday, 10:45 a.m. and Sunday, 8 p.m.

Meadow Brook Theatre The Angel Next Door; $43; Wednesday, 8 p.m.; Thursday, 8 p.m.; Friday, 8 p.m.; Saturday, 6 p.m.; Sunday, 2 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.

They Say The Murder Mystery Co’s Dinner Theater Show; $59; Friday, 7-9:30 p.m.

Tipping Point Theatre Halftime with Don; $25-$55; Wednesday, 2-3:30 p.m.; Thursday, 7:30-9 p.m.; Friday, 7:30-9 p.m.; Saturday, 6-7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 2-3:30 p.m.

Musical

Fisher Theatre - Detroit The Book of Mormon; Wednesday, 7:30 p.m.; Thursday, 7:30 p.m.; Saturday, 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m.; Sunday, 1 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.; Friday 7:30 pm..

COMEDY

Improv

Go Comedy! Improv Theater Go Comedy! All-Star Showdown; Fridays and Saturdays, 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m.; $25.

Planet Ant Theatre Hip-Prov: Improv with a Dash of Hip-Hopl $10; Wednesday, 7 p.m.

Stand-up

Artist Village Detroit Keep from Kryin Komedy Pop Up; $25; Friday, 7-8:30 p.m., 9-10:30 p.m. and 11 p.m.-12:30 a.m.; and Saturday, 7-8:30 p.m., 9-10:30 p.m.; 11 p.m.-12:30 a.m.

Diamondback Music Hall UAW Comedy Jam featuring Joe Torry; $50$480; Sunday, 6 p.m.

Fox Theatre Legends Of Laughter; $59$175; Saturday, 8 p.m.

Mark Ridley’s Comedy Castle Come see Detroit’s up-and-coming standup comics; $10; Tuesday, 7:30-9 p.m.

The Independent Comedy Club

INDIEx: A PowerPoint-guided comedy show. With this interactive and new comedic experience, you will see PowerPoint presentations on topics like: “Why Sharks Aren’t Real,” “Does Size Really Matter,” and “Fat Earth Theory: A Synopsis.” Whatever the presentations may contain, they are sure to have “facts,” laughs, and a whole lot of chaos. Featuring: Heather Kyles, Heather Sejnow, Mark Moehlig, and Patty Rooney with host Scott Sviland. Doors at 8:30 p.m., show begins at 9 p.m.; $10 advance, $15 at the door; Friday, 9-10:30 p.m.

The Raw Space The LuvLees Clean Comedy Show. $25; Friday, 6:30-8 p.m.

One Night in Tokyo

An acclaimed independent film by a Michigan-born director gets officially released this week.

One Night in Tokyo, the feature debut from Josh Woodcock, will be available to buy or rent via video on demand on Friday, Feb. 14.

The Valentine’s Day release is fitting for the romantic drama, which Woodcock previously described to Metro Times as “what would it be like if John Hughes made a French New Wave film set in Japan?”

The film stars Sam (Reza Emamiyeh), a white American who travels to Japan to visit his girlfriend and suddenly finds himself dumped. Heartbroken and waiting for a flight back to the U.S., he meets Ayaka (Tokiko Kitagawa), who takes him out for the night despite the language barrier.

“I think the characters resonated with me because they feel real,”

Woodcock previously told Metro Times, adding that the script was inspired by his wife, who once wound up having a long layover in Korea.

“They have their own faults, and I think they’re all relatable snapshots of someone in their late 20s or

Blind Pig Monday, 8 p.m.

ART Photography

Russell Industrial ComplexExhibition Center Dirty Show 25; $50; Friday, 7 p.m.-2 a.m. and Saturday, 7 p.m.-2 a.m.

Portraits of Power: A Photographic Memory Portraits of dynamic women

Goods, 9920 Kerchaval, Ave., Detroit; $75; 313-435-8060; veseylanegoods.com/ upcoming-events/portraits-of-power-aphotographic-memory.

FILM

Screening

Detroit Historical Museum Tales From The D: Johnny ‘Bee’ Badanjek will tell stories and play a live show; $75-$100; Friday, 5:30-9 p.m.

MISC.

LGBTQ+

Orchid Theatre Celebrate love and friendship with fellow Taylor Swift fans as we groove to all of her greatest hits. Wear your best red and pink outfits to get in the Valentine’s Day spirit! Don’t miss out on this unforgettable evening of love and music. See you there! $15; Friday, 9 p.m.-2 a.m.

Singles

early 30s, looking at their lives and the paths they’ve taken and where they’ve wound up, and [asking] do we have control over getting ourselves a little closer to where we want to be.”

Woodcock previously played guitar in Detroit-area punk bands like Hit Society and the Ill Itches before pivoting to video production. He says he wrote the screenplay for One Night in Tokyo in just three weeks and shot the entire film in a whirlwind seven days in Japan, which he fell in love with while making a documentary film series for the U.S. Navy. The entire production took about four months, he said.

The movie has earned buzz at indie film festivals in 2024, winning the Audience Award for Best Drama Narrative at San Jose’s Cinequest Film Festival, best Feature Film Submission at the Japanese-American Global Stage Hollywood festival in Los Angeles, and Jury Award (Cinematography) at Michigan’s Hell’s Half Mile Film and Music Festival.

Woodcock is now based in Seattle, where he launched his film production company Kitsune Pictures.

taken by veteran photojournalist Monica Morgan including portraits of Dorothy Height, Rosa Parks, Coretta Scott King, Maya Angelou, Ruby Bridges, Shirley Chisolm, Cecily Tyson, Michelle Obama, Kamala Harris, Kyra Harris Bolden, and other notable women. The event will be catered with a silent auction that features the artwork of several Detroit women artists. Join us for an evening of celebrating and uplifting women and Detroit artists. Tuesday, 5-8 p.m; Vesey Lane

Shield’s Restaurant Bar Pizzeria of Troy Not Online Dating Presents: Be My Valentine Speed Dating and Singles Mixer (ages 35-49). In-person, interactive, and hosted by a funny MC! Looking for love? Join us at Shield’s Restaurant Bar Pizzeria in Troy for an exciting evening of speed dating and mingling with other singles. This in-person event is your chance to meet new people and potentially find your perfect match! (Red, white, and pink attire encouraged.) $40; Wednesday, 7-10 p.m. Doggos

Detroit Animal Care and Control Meet Your Match Latenight Dog Adoption Event. Love comes in many forms — including furry ones. This event is perfect for singles, couples, friends, families, and anyone who would like to add more love to their life by adopting a Detroit shelter dog. The event is free, open to the public and will offer “doggie speed dating.” Friday, 4-8 p.m.; 1431 E. Ferry St., Detroit.

Food

Dive Bar Dinner (AND PAINT!) A four-course Valentine-inspired bar snack menu that’s not trying to impress you, but definitely will. Think Steak & Lobster served in bar snack format. It’s not quite dinner, but you’ll go home full. You’ll also be given all the materials needed to create a beautiful (or horrendous) portrait of your +1. This is technically a Valentine’s event, but no couple-hood required. Bring whoever! Roommate, Mom, or the rando dude you met on Tinder holding a fish. This ain’t about hearts and flowers. It’s about food, booze, and creating some awful art to hang in your bathroom. Wednesday; 6:30-10 p.m.; Carbon Athletic Club, 111 Gates St., Detroit; $75; 313-580-2199.

Critics’ Picks

—Lee DeVito

In One Night in Tokyo, Sam and Ayaka become unlikely friends. KITSUNE PICTURES

EMPLOYMENT

Commodity Buyer - Raw Materials, Brose North America, Auburn Hills, MI. Plan, perform engrg anlyss of supplier mfg models & supply chain, & execute NA purchasing & strategic supplier sourcing strategies & procure aluminum & coating commdts incl. e- coatings, powder coating, thermal diffusion, & zinc plating, for sourcing & delivery to plants. Plan & implement supplier strategies reports to meet delivery, price terms, qlty, warranty, & lifetime profitability reqmts for aluminum & coating commdts & present reports to Purchasing Leadership. Apply tools incl. Lean Mfg, Process Failure Mode & Effects Anlys, & Total Productive Maintenance. Benchmark & evaluate supplier plant mfg processes, evaluate supplier Production Part Approval Process (PPAPs) for series prgms, & ensure suppliers & plant production team meet International Automotive Task Force (IATF) 16949 & ISO 14001 Standard for Automot Qlty Mgmt Syss standards, & Dvlpmt, Ramp-up, Start of Production (SOP), & Series Production contractual reqmts. Bachelor, Industrial, Electrical, Mechatronics, or Automot Engrg, or related. 24 mos exp as Engr, Coordinator, Leader, or related, evaluating supplier plant mfg processes & PPAPs for series prgms, & ensuring suppliers meet IATF 16949 standards, & SOP contractual reqmts, or related. E-mail resume to Jobs@brose.com (Ref#6447).

FOOD

That’s amore

The most romantic restaurants in metro Detroit

By Metro Times staff

Sure, romantic restaurants can be pricey, but you deserve to treat yourself and your partner sometimes, especially for Valentine’s Day. If you’re having a hard time deciding where to go for dinner for the special day, metro Detroit has lots of romantic spots to choose from. We made a list of the best ones just for you. Make a reservation soon and be ready to get dressed up with your first-time or long-time date.

Highlands

400 Renaissance Center, Floor 71, Detroit; 313-877-9090; highlandsdetroit.com

For an amazing view of Detroit, Canada, and the river, this is the place to be. Located on the 71st floor of the Renaissance Center, the sights are breathtaking — but you better not be afraid of heights.

The Whitney 4421 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-832-5700; thewhitney.com

This historic mansion in downtown Detroit offers a fine-dining restaurant perfect for a romantic dinner. Plus,

it’s got a bar and dessert parlor if you want to extend the date with drinks and treats following your meal.

Takoi

2520 Michigan Ave., Detroit; 313-855-2864; takoidetroit.com

In Corktown, Takoi is known for modern Thai cooking with Michigan seasonality. The space and meal presentation are equally as impressive.

Parc

800 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-922-7272; parcdetroit.com

Right in the heart of Campus Martius, Parc offers top-notch food and drinks, as well as ample opportunities for people-watching.

Oak & Reel

2921 E. Grand Blvd., Detroit; 313-270-9600; oakandreel.com

In Detroit’s Milwaukee Junction neighborhood, this Italian and seafood spot was named Best Restaurant in Wayne County in Metro Times’s 2023 Best of Detroit reader’s poll. It also offers an underground cocktail bar called The Upright, perfect for heading to a more intimate setting after dinner.

Prime + Proper

1145 Griswold St., Detroit; 313-636-3100; primeandproperdetroit.com

The seating in this place is even more luxurious than the food. Prime + Proper is a classic steakhouse that adds modern concepts and elegant hospitality to the experience.

Tiliani

1002 S. Military St., Dearborn; 313-444-8889; tiliani.com

At Tilani, all pasta is made in-house, plus all of the food is halal. One of our food reviewers said it was the best restaurant she had been to all of 2023.

Leila

1245 Griswold St., Detroit; 313-816-8100; leiladetroit.com

For a fancy romantic experience that serves up Middle Eastern flavors, this is it. Leila pays homage to the owner’s roots in Lebanon, mixing sophistication with old-world hospitality.

Barda

4842 Grand River Ave., Detroit; 313-952-5182; bardadetroit.com

Selden Standard

3921 2nd Ave., Detroit; 313-438-5055; seldenstandard.com

You can never get sick of this restaurant, as it offers a rotating menu with some of the best New American tapas in Detroit, great for an amazing date.

Mabel Gray

23825 John R Rd., Hazel Park; 248-398-4300; mabelgraykitchen.com

With a fresh comfortable atmosphere and a well-crafted menu utilizing fresh ingredients from local farms, you can’t go wrong with this adventurous restaurant.

Amore da Roma

3401 Riopelle, Detroit; 313-831-5940; amoredaroma.com

For those who want a more old-school ambiance alongside their great meal, this spot is for you.

Coeur

330 W. Nine Mile Rd., Ferndale; 248-466-3010; coeurferndale.com

This restaurant opened in August 2023 and quickly won Best New Restaurant (Oakland) in Metro Times Best of Detroit reader’s poll. The upscale New American food is delicious and the dessert also doesn’t disappoint.

SheWolf

438 Selden St., Detroit; 313-315-3992; shewolfdetroit.com

Modern Roman cuisine is this restaurant’s primary focus, meshing contemporary Italian food with inspiration from old Rome.

In an unsuspecting building, Barda brings Argentine cuisine to the city with a fancy twist.

Freya

2929 E. Grand Blvd., Detroit; 313-351-5544; freyadetroit.com

The menu at this unpretentious finedining spot in Milwaukee Junction includes a mix of pescatarian, vegan, and meat options. Plus, the chefs are great, and local art lines the walls. Owner and Executive Chef Doug Hewitt was just nominated for Best Chef in the Great Lakes.

Pop’s For Italian

280 W. Nine Mile Rd.; 248-268-4806; popsforitalian.com

If your style of romance is wood-fired pizza and handmade pasta, Pop’s is the place for it. Maybe you and your date can even have a Lady and the Tramp moment.

Townhouse

500 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-723-1000; townhousedetroit.com

Located in the heart of downtown Detroit, Townhouse is very fancy, merging culinary tradition with modern innovation. The masterpiece of a building offers a bar and an outdoor terrace.

Basan

2703 Park Ave., Detroit; 313-481-2703; basandetroit.com

In the historic Eddystone building near Little Caesars Arena, Basan serves up high-end Japanese-inspired fare.

Oak & Reel has established itself as a favorite, winning Best Restaurant in Wayne County in our Best of Detroit poll. COURTESY PHOTO

Mad Nice

4120 Second Ave., Detroit; 313-5588000; madnicedetroit.com

Opened in 2023, this spot’s name describes it perfectly. The Italian restaurant is definitely nice, with chic decor and a modern Italian-inspired menu.

Grey Ghost

47 Watson St., Detroit; 313-262-6534; greyghostdetroit.com

Whether you want a burger and fries or more upscale dishes like tuna tartare and duck, Grey Ghost has got it all.

La Feria

4130 Cass Ave., Detroit; 313-285-9081; laferiadetroit.com

This spot, serving up Spanish flavors, was voted Best Tapas in Metro Times’s Best of Detroit reader’s poll. The restaurant also has a wine bar and market located adjacent to the eatery.

Gandy Dancer

401 Depot St., Ann Arbor; 734-7690592; muer.com/gandy-dancer

If you live in Washtenaw County, this is a top choice when it comes to romance, whether it’s a big event or a small dinner. The building is exqui-

site from the outside, and the inside doesn’t disappoint either, offering elegant decor and tasty menu options.

The Shelby 607 Shelby St., Detroit; 313-444-6626; shelbydetroit.com

Located downtown in a speakeasy-style former basement bank vault, seats for two at The Shelby’s bar set the stage for a great date night, with polished bar staff who know how to entertain. The chef prepares signature share plates at one end of the bar for a fun experience. If you’re looking to lock someone special up long term, dinner in the actual old vault room should help set the appropriate mood.

Nico & Vali Italian Eatery

744 Wing St., Plymouth.; 734-207-7880; nicoandvali.com

This Plymouth spot has the best martinis, along with great design, great service, and great food.

Mon Jin Lau

1515 E. Maple Rd., Troy; 248-689-2332; monjinlau.com

For lovers of Asian cuisine, this spot has got you covered. The waitresses serving in the low-lit dining rooms are gracious, Geisha-elegant, and uniformly gorgeous.

The food is beautiful too, with consistently vibrant and fresh flavors.

Sylvan Table

1819 Inverness St., Sylvan Lake; 248-3693360; sylvantable.com

Rustic is the best word to describe this upscale restaurant, built from a 300-yearold barn from Maine that was deconstructed and reassembled in Michigan.

Luciano’s Italian Restaurant

39091 Garfield Rd., Clinton Twp.; 586-2636540; lucianositaliancuisine.com

This family-owned restaurant has been serving Italian fare since 1987.

Prime 29

6545 Orchard Lake Rd., West Bloomfield Township; 248-737-7463; prime29steakhouse.com

Voted Best Steakhouse (Oakland) in Metro Times 2023 Best of Detroit reader’s poll, you can’t go wrong here. If steak is your ideal idea of a romantic dinner, this is a great option.

La Dolce Vita

17546 Woodward Ave., Detroit; 313-8650331; ldvrestaurant.net

This “hidden jewel” restaurant exudes old world charm, transporting guests to Tuscany. In the warmer months, come for

the exquisite patio.

Bellflower

209 Pearl St., Ypsilanti; bellflowerypsi. com

This spot was voted the Best Restaurant in Washtenaw County in Metro Times 2023 Best of Detroit reader’s poll. It’s tucked away, but once you’re inside, the Southern-inspired cuisine and overall vibe of the place will wow you.

Café Cortina

30715 W. 10 Mile Rd., Farmington Hills; 248-474-3033; cafecortina.com

Family owned and operated since 1976, this romantic spot is located in an apple orchard reminiscent of the Italian countryside and serves handmade pasta alongside its own produce.

Blue LLama Jazz Club

314 S. Main St., Ann Arbor; 734-372-3200; bluellamaclub.com

This elegant dinner and jazz club features top-notch performances.

Da Francesco’s Ristorante & Bar

49521 Van Dyke Ave., Shelby Township; 586-731-7544; dafrancescos.com

This long-standing Italian restaurant features live entertainment on Thursdays and Fridays.

CULTURE

Film Valentine’s Day Movies for any relationship

When writing about movies to watch with your spouse, partner, significant other, or all by your own damn self for Valentine’s Day, I found myself focusing on the futility of such an endeavor. Every single relationship is different, obviously, but even more specific are the things that each of us defines as romantic or sexy or intimate. So to define what makes a great Valentine’s Day movie is like trying to define what makes for a perfect cloud or a flawless sunset. Many different things can make a film great, but true perfection is only recognizable when you see it. With that said, there are lots of romantic movies from which to choose. Here are 11 perfect ones, specifically tailored to the type of relationship you’re in, curated by yours truly… with love. For that new relationship where you’re going to ignore the red flags for a bit longer because the sex is fire and you both like watching movies together: True Romance.While this movie is genuinely romantic with truly incendiary chemistry between Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette, many lives could have been saved if they would have walked away from each other after the opening scene. Still, it’s hard not to root for those crazy kids.

For that couple that keeps breaking

By Jared Rasic, Last Word Features

up and getting back together because they’re terrified of change: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Clementine and Joel find themselves together again for many reasons. Maybe it’s because they’re truly each other’s soulmates. Or maybe it’s because they’re afraid they won’t find the kind of love that they’re really looking for. Either way, this love is doomed and beautiful and I’m here for it.

For the couple that hides their remarkable levels of kink beneath a fairly square exterior Phantom Thread

You know that couple — the pair that’s conservative in the streets and freaks in the sheets. P.T. Anderson’s underrated romantic classic gives permission to those that are a touch ashamed of their fetishes and says that the only way to truly find happiness is to be proud of the person you are, in public and in private.

For those discovering their queerness for the first time: But I’m a Cheerleader

Sometimes a repressive environment doesn’t allow us to be our truest selves, and that will usually stunt our growth into our best selves. It can take coming face to face with what really gets our butterflies flying in order to unapologetically accept ourselves. But I’m a Cheerleader gave an entire generation

of LGBTQ+ youth a chance to feel seen and heard and remains one of the greatest queer movies of all time.

For the single person needing a good cry: Her. While on the surface Her is about a nerd that falls in love with an operating system, it’s all in service of the idea that sometimes when we’re in love, our partner evolves past us into someone we don’t recognize anymore… and that’s OK. We’re not all with our person right now, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there waiting for us.

For those two people we see conversing across the room and know they’re falling in love in real time: Before Sunrise. You’ve seen it, maybe you’ve experienced it — where you’re in a conversation with someone that’s so profoundly life changing that you’re willing to burn your life down to keep it going. This movie is simply two people walking around, having a conversation and falling for each other and it’s absolutely perfect.

For the shy, single person who unapologetically remains a hopeless romantic: Amélie. There’s something about the very French Amélie that makes love look like the actual act of falling in love is the grandest adventure one can have and there’s something quite beautiful about that. Remaining

uncynical about romance is a gift and Amélie shares it with all of us.

For the Sub in search of a Dom: Secretary. Intense, erotically charged and probably problematic, Secretary, all the way back in 2002, tried to show the world that consent is sexy and that yucking other people’s yums is never the right choice.

For the queer bohemian hustlers on a path of self-discovery in the Pacific Northwest: My Own Private Idaho. This is pretty specific, but if you’ve been in Portland enough, it’s still pretty relevant. While romance is barely a thought in the film, the trust and friendship intrinsic in Mike and Scott’s relationship is a very special kind of love.

When you’re both radical leftists: My Beautiful Launderette. Watch it with those you love and get riled up all over again. Boy that feels good.

For those just wanting to vent about their ex: Tangerine. Two trans sexworkers walking across L.A. to get to a doughnut shop becomes a true odyssey of human emotion. This movie does a beautiful job reminding you that the no-good ex you keep thinking about isn’t worth another moment of your life.

Yes, there are obviously movies specifically designed for the holiday like Valentine’s Day, The Notebook, and About Time, but all of us are different and often Hollywood’s vision of romance is a little too broad for the singular sensation that is you. Find the movies that speak to your specificity and, whether you’re spending this V-Day alone or with your partner, know that you are loved, seen and oh so very special.

Kate Winslet and Jim Carrey in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

DAVID LEE/FOCUS FEATURES

WEED

The Straight Dope

The best cannabis strains to help you survive a Michigan winter

By Steve Neavling

Welcome to The Straight Dope, our new weekly series that explores the best cannabis products in Michigan.

Winter in Michigan is long, dark, and brutally cold.

But it doesn’t have to be a season of misery.

When it’s too cold or snowy to venture outside, long winter days are a perfect excuse to slow down, stay inside, and light up some cannabis. The right strain can make the winter a little easier to enjoy, whether you’re sinking into the couch, getting lost in a good book, or binging a Netflix show.

This time of year calls for cannabis that’s full-bodied, soothing, and packed with flavor. A heavy indica can turn a dreary night into the perfect excuse to stay in and relax, while an uplifting hybrid can help shake off the winter funk and inspire you to do something productive or creative indoors. Or maybe you want an energizing strain to head outside for winter hiking, sledding, or shoveling.

As someone who has spent many winters in search of good weed, I can tell you that not all strains are built for the winter months. Some are too racy, too mild, or just don’t have the right flavor or richness.

After sampling more strains than I care to admit, here are my favorite picks for the winter.

For the ultimate couch-lock:

Sometimes you just need a strain that glues you to the couch and shuts up your brain. For this, my favorite strain is Hypnostank from Michigrown, a large cultivator on the state’s west side that consistently manages to balance flavor, potency, and affordability.

A pungent, potent, and sedating strain, Hypnostank is an indica-leaning hybrid that combines Garlic Grove and Grape Gasoline. The buds are coated in trichomes.

This strain carries a sharp citrus aroma with a strong gassy funk in the background. The inhale is smooth with a burst of fruit and cream, while the exhale produces dank, fuel-like notes.

This strain delivers a creeping high that builds into full-body relaxation. If you’re looking to hibernate, Hypnostank is the strain for you.

For beating the winter blues:

It’s easy to slip into a winter funk. If you’re looking for something uplifting

cultivator in Jackson that produces some of the most nose-curling GMO strains.

A cozy cross of GMO and Ice Cream Cake, Party Foul is an indica-dominant hybrid that starts out with a burst of euphoria before delivering a deeply relaxing, full-body sedation.

Party Foul has a complex aroma of garlic, diesel, and cream.

It’s not always easy finding this strain in metro Detroit. If you can’t find it, Michigan Loud Flower has other great strains for deep relaxation, including Fader’s Fuel, GMO, and Garlic Cocktail.

For staying productive indoors:

Not every winter day is meant for lounging. Even when the bitter cold makes you want to curl up and do nothing, sometimes you need to stay engaged and focused, whether you’re working, cleaning the house, or cooking a warm meal.

Peach Tree by Doja is an energetic, sativa-leaning hybrid that combines Gelonade and (Gelato #41 x Afternoon Pineapple). It delivers an uplifting high that won’t make your heart race.

With a bright citrus aroma and a blend of sweet lemonade and ripe fruit, Peach Tree has a flavor profile that reminds you of summer.

For social winter nights:

without making you jittery, Super Boof is the way to go.

Named Leafly’s Strain of the Year in 2024, this evenly balanced strain is a zesty cross of Black Cherry Punch and Tropicana Cookies, and it produces an invigorating, euphoric high. It’s one of the top-selling strains in Michigan for a reason.

My favorite cultivator of Super Boof is Kai, a small batch grower with an eclectic mix of top tier strains.

Super Boof is a mood-boosting high that keeps you uplifted and focused without being too racy. It eventually gives way to a relaxing body high. It’s a solid choice for any time of the day.

The aroma is unique, with a nutty, citrusy flavor combined with earthy, skunky undertones. The taste translates well, delivering orange and berry notes upfront, followed by an earthy spice on the exhale.

If you can’t find Kai’s version of this strain, other good cultivators of Super Boof are Chronicseur Farms, Hytek, and Pro Gro.

For deep sleep:

Some strains relax you. Others tuck you in for the night. For me, that strain is Party Foul by Michigan Loud Flower, a small

Winter doesn’t have to mean being alone. Whether you’re hanging out with friends or hosting a party, Sherb Smoothie by Favrd keeps the energy light and social. The high is upbeat but also eases tension without knocking you out. If you struggle with anxiety like I do, this could be a good choice.

The flavor alone is reason enough to try this hybrid strain. It has a sweet, dessert-like profile, with notes of cream, skunk, and citrus.

Everything about it makes me feel cozy and social.

For snowy adventures:

When you’re tired of being pent up and want to embark on a cold, snowy excursion or just want to head downtown for a night out, the right strain can lift your mood and make the cold a little less brutal.

For me, that strain is Vanilla Sunshine’s Creme Smoothie, a sativa-leaning hybrid that wakes you up without overwhelming you. The high starts off uplifting and euphoric and then settles into a gentle, happy calm.

A cross between C.R.E.A.M and Gelonade, Cream Smoothie is a dessertlike blend of creamy vanilla, berries, and tangy zest.

If you want us to sample your cannabis products, send us an email at steve@ metrotimes.com.

This time of year calls for weed that is full-bodied, soothing, and packed with flavor.

STEVE NEAVLING

CULTURE

Savage Love

Low and Slow

By Dan Savage

Dear Readers: When I open a column with “Dear Readers,” it’s usually to let you know I’m taking a week off. But this is a brand-new column! All new questions, all new answers. But I intentionally dug through the mail for relatively simple questions because I’m just fried from the news. So, if you wrote in this week about a particularly thorny interpersonal conflict that would require me to think and focus before responding… you’re not going to find your letter. All the questions below are easy pitches — low, slow, and over the plate — because those were the only ones I felt capable of taking a swing at after the week we’ve all had. —Dan

: Q I’m a newly-out gay man who is also exploring kink and leather for the first time. It has been fun, especially because I love daddies, and some wonderful older men have been my guides to this brave new world of rubber and slings. However, a few have ghosted me because I end up texting too much due to the fact that I’m worried they’re losing interest. I’m realizing this is a red flag to others. I’m needy but it’s rooted in the fact that this is all new to me AND since I feel late to the party, I need to move things along quickly to make up for lost time. How do I parent myself through this situation and stop pushing Daddies away with my neediness?

—Boy Losing Opportunities With Incessant Texting

A: If you’ve gotten unambiguous “you’re too intense/you’re too much/you’re too needy” feedback from multiple guys — verbal and/or non-verbal — you should be able to correct course. I mean, you may have just come out, BLOWIT, but you’re a grown-ass man and a grown-ass man can resolve to do things differently. So, how about you identify a friend whose phone you can blow up with messages about your latest sexual adventure? Then after blowing up your friend’s phone for 24 hours, you can send a single thank-you text to the nice guy who set up his sling for you and let him know you’d love to take another ride. Playing it cool is not to be confused with playing games.

People who play games lie about their interest or their availability in order get things they want from people who wouldn’t give them those things — their time, their attention, their holes if they knew the truth. When you play it cool, you’re being honest about your feelings (“I had so much fun and would love to meet up again”) but you’re being thoughtful, considerate, and strategic about when and how you express them.

And if you wind up regularly getting with a guy that you played it cool with at first, BLOWIT, then you can tell him you were so excited after your first session you sent 300 giddy text messages about him to your best friend. He won’t just be flattered that you felt that way about him — and relieved you didn’t blow up his phone —but even more attracted to you than he was already, BLOWIT, because the ability to self-regulate is something people look for in partners, both play and life.

: Q How does one navigate unrequited crushes while in a monogamish marriage? My wife has been crushing on someone that has proven to be a mess and is practically unavailable. They have an attraction for one another and have exchanged some flirts and kisses, but this person doesn’t have the time or energy for her that she hoped he would. I’ve stayed out of it because it hasn’t caused any issues for us as a couple. However, at this point it’s the same song and dance without any change of perspective on my wife’s part. How can I support her so she can move on? We go out fairly often to find different cute lesbos. She’s still hung up on this hot mess who, to me, isn’t worth the effort beyond a purely platonic friendship. Always appreciate your advice.

—Hoping On This Mess Exiting Sometime Soon

A: Married poly people — or poly people with primary and/or nesting partners — are often asked how it feels to watch our spouses go through the NRE (“new relationship energy”) stage of a new relationship. (Some of us feel fine about it, others are threatened by it; some of us wanna hear every detail, some of us wanna be on a need-toknow basis.) But we’re rarely asked what it’s like to watch our partners suffer through an unrequited crush, a shitty first date, a disappointing or disqualifying first sexual experience with someone new, etc. Short answer: it sucks — watching someone you love suffer always sucks — and figuring out how to help (or whether you’re the right person to help) isn’t always easy. Sometimes the spouse just wants you

to listen, sometimes the spouse wants you to weigh in.

So, HOTMESS, if you have the kind of relationship where you’re welcome to weigh in on your wife’s other relationships — if you generally talk about the other people you’re pursuing or doing — you could gently point out the mess your wife is currently too blinded by lust to see. But if you typically don’t discuss other partners or prospects, you would be well advised to keep your mouth shut. If your wife’s crush was negatively impacting you and/or your marriage in some tangible way, HOTMESS, I would urge you to speak up. But it’s not — you said it wasn’t — so you shouldn’t.

Love makes fools of us all, as they say, and right now it’s your wife’s turn to play the fool. When she comes to her senses, HOTMESS, you can be there for her with a pint of ice cream and some enthusiastic oral. (Always does the trick for my husband.) You can gently point out the signs she missed, if she wants to talk about it, and make her promise to be just as patient when it’s your turn to play the fool.

: Q Quite a few years ago I was tricked into participating in a threesome with my ex and his friend when I was high. I brushed it off as a bad experience and did nothing about it. I’m starting to hear that it was an act of conquistadorial machismo since I’ve moved back home. It was suggested that the boys planned the event to use the interaction as blackmail or gossip material. Should I report this to the police? I’m starting to fear the gossip might turn violent. Looking for advice!

—Tricked Into Threesome

A: If you have reason to fear for your safety or if your ex has threatened to blackmail you, TIT, you should be speaking to the police right now and not sending emails to sex-advice monkeys. But if what you’re dealing with is lingering (but totally valid) anger over being talked into doing something dirty while high (but not incapacitated), along with hearsay about gossip (not a crime) and blackmail (a crime if attempted)… then no, the police are not gonna swoop in and arrest your shitty ex and his equally shitty friend. Unless and until something actually happens, you’ll have to go back to brushing this off.

: Q I recently ended an affair with someone younger than me. We work in the same industry and were in the process of changing our relationship to only being professional and friends. After speaking with her confidants, she let me know that I groomed her during our relationship. Beyond sex,

there was a transactional exchange (of a sexual nature), since we live in different states. I am a bit confused since she’s 30 and I am 45 and I presumed a 30-year-old woman had agency. I always encouraged her to reach out to her friends and never tried to isolate her. Is it possible that a 45-year-old adult was grooming a 30-year-old adult? I am gutted, I’ve always tried to follow your campsite rule. Other than being shitty for having an affair, this all makes me feel terrible since despite me helping her with her career, she feels worse now than when I met her.

—Gloomily Ruminating Over One Mostly Elicit Relationship

A: Some men convince themselves they’re doing good things when they’re actually doing deeply shitty things. Other men, aware they’re doing deeply shitty things, will toss in a good deed or two to compensate or cover for the deeply shitty things they know they’re doing. And #NotJustMen: we all — men, women, enbies, all of us have the capacity to construct the kind of self-serving rationalizations that help us sleep at night.

Now, since I don’t have the security footage — and since I can’t subpoena you both and take your depositions under oath — I can’t say whether you were being any shittier than the average person having an affair. (Even when justified, all affairs involve some shitty behavior.) Likewise, I don’t know if you were honoring the campsite rule or just going through the motions. And I don’t know whether your offer of professional support turned what was already transitory and transactional into something exploitative. Did your affair partner feel that way all along? Or is she reassessing things now that it’s over and revising your history together to paint you — with the encouragement of her confidants in the worst possible light? I don’t know and I can’t tell you.

But I know and can tell you this: You didn’t groom anybody. When we’re talking about sex — not hair care or ski hills — grooming has a very specific meaning. It’s not a 45-year-old adult having consensual-if-ill-advisedand-regrettable sex with a consenting 30-year-old adult. Grooming is when an adult insinuates himself into a child’s life, gains the trust of that child’s caregivers, and then sexually abuses that child. Whatever else you’re guilty of, GROOMER, you are not guilty of that.

Got problems? Yes, you do! Email your question for the column to mailbox@ savage.love! Or record your question for the Savage Lovecast at savage.love/ askdan! Podcasts, columns, merch, and more at Savage.Love!

CULTURE

Free Will Astrology

By Rob Brezsny

ARIES: March 21 – April 19

Love requires stability and steadiness to thrive. But it also needs unpredictability and imaginativeness. The same with friendship. Without creative touches and departures from routine, even strong alliances can atrophy into mere sentiment and boring dutifulness. With this in mind, and in accordance with astrological omens, I offer quotes to inspire your quest to keep togetherness fertile and flourishing. 1. “Love has no rules except those we invent, moment by moment.” —Anaïs Nin. 2. “The essence of love is invention. Lovers should always dream and create their own world.”

—Jorge Luis Borges. 3. “A successful relationship requires falling in love many times, always with the same person, but never in quite the same way.” —Mignon McLaughlin.

TAURUS: April 20 – May 20

In celebration of the Valentine season, I suggest you get blithely unshackled in your approach to love. Be

loose, limber, and playful. To stimulate the romantic and intimate qualities I think you should emphasize, I offer you these quotes: 1. “Love is the endless apprenticeship of two souls daring to be both sanctuary and storm for one another.” —Rainer Maria Rilke 2. “Love is the revolution in which we dismantle the prisons of our fear, building a world where our truths can stand naked and unashamed.” —Audre Lorde. 3. “Love is the rebellion that tears down walls within and between us, making room for the unruly beauty of our shared becoming.” —Adrienne Rich.

GEMINI: May 21 – June 20

VIRGO: August 23 – Sept. 22

were precious gems.” —Federico García Lorca. 2. “Love is not a vacation from life. It’s a parallel universe where everything ordinary becomes extraordinary.” —Anne Morrow Lindbergh. 3. “Where there is love there is life. And where there is life, there is mischief in the making.” —my Sagittarius friend Artemisia.

CAPRICORN: Dec. 22 – Jan. 19

St. Valentine is also, the patron saint of beekeeper’s and fainter’s, so, if you’re a beekeeper with fainting issues and a special someone, it’s your day.

To honor the rowdy Valentine spirit, I invite you to either use the following passage or compose one like it, then offer it to a willing recipient who would love to go deeper with you: “Be my thunderclap, my cascade of shooting stars. Be my echo across the valley, my rebel hymn, my riddle with no answer. Be my just-before-you-wake-up-dream. Be my tectonic shift. Be my black pearl, my vacation from gloom and doom, my forbidden dance. Be my river-song in F major, my wild-eyed prophet, my moonlit debate, my infinite possibility. Be my trembling, blooming, spiraling, and soaring.”

CANCER: June 21 – July 22

Cancerian author Elizabeth Gilbert wrote, “The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all.” One of those strange jewels in you is emerging from its hiding place. Any day now, it will reveal at least some of its spectacular beauty — to be followed by more in the subsequent weeks. Are you ready to be surprised by your secret self? Are your beloved allies ready? A bloom this magnificent could require adjustments. You and yours may have to expand your horizons together.

LEO: July 23 – August 22

Psychotherapist Robin Norwood wrote that some people, mostly women, give too much love and kindness. They neglect their own self-care as they attend generously to the needs of others. They may even provide nurturing and support to those who don’t appreciate it or return the favor. Author Anne Morrow Lindbergh expressed a different perspective. She wrote, “No one has ever loved anyone too much. We just haven›t learned yet how to love enough.” What’s your position on this issue, Virgo? It’s time for you to come to a new understanding of exactly how much giving is correct for you.

LIBRA: Sept. 23 – Oct. 22

Are you ready to express your affection with lush and lavish exuberance? I hope so. Now would be an excellent time, astrologically speaking. I dare you to give the following words, composed by poet Pablo Neruda, to a person who will be receptive to them. “You are the keeper of my wildest storms, the green shoot splitting the stone of my silence. Your love wraps me in galaxies, crowns me with the salt of the sea, and fills my lungs with the language of the earth. You are the voice of the rivers, the crest of the waves, the pulse of the stars. With every word you speak, you unweave my solitude and knit me into eternity.”

SCORPIO: Oct. 23 – Nov. 21:

Every intimate alliance is unique, has its own rules, and shouldn›t be compared to any standard. This is a key theme for you to embrace right now. Below are helpful quotes. 1. “Each couple’s love story is a language only they can speak, with words only they can define.” —Federico Fellini. 2. “In every true marriage, each serves as guide and companion to the other toward a shared enlightenment that no one else could possibly share.” —Joseph Campbell. 3. “The beauty of marriage is not in its uniformity but in how each couple writes their own story, following no map but the one they draw together.” —Isabel Allende. 4. “Marriages are like fingerprints; each one is different, and each one is beautiful.” —Maggie Reyes.

AQUARIUS: Jan. 20 – Feb. 18

Borrowing the words of Aquarian author Virginia Woolf, I’ve prepared a love note for you to use as your own. Feel free to give these words to the person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours. “You are the tide that sweeps through the corridors of my mind, a wild rhythm that fills my empty spaces with the echo of eternity. You are the unspoken sentence in my every thought, the shadow and the light interwoven in the fabric of my being. You are the pulse of the universe pressing against my skin, the quiet chaos of love that refuses to be named. You are my uncharted shore.”

WE DON’T HAVE A RED BEER

In 2025, the role that togetherness plays in your life will inspire you to achieve unexpected personal accomplishments. Companionship and alliances may even stir up destiny-changing developments. To get you primed, I offer these quotes: 1. “Love is a trick that nature plays on us to achieve the impossible.” —William Somerset Maugham. 2. “Love is the ultimate outlaw. It won’t adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is sign on as its accomplice.” — Tom Robbins. 3. “Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. Yet each day reveals new constellations in our shared sky.” —Emily Brontë.

Among its potential gifts, astrology can raise our awareness of the cyclical nature of life. When used well, it helps us know when there are favorable times to enhance and upgrade specific areas of our lives. For example, in the coming weeks, you Scorpios could make progress on building a strong foundation for the future of love. You will rouse sweet fortune for yourself and those you care for if you infuse your best relationships with extra steadiness and stability.

SAGITTARIUS: Nov. 22 – Dec. 21

I want you to be moved by intimacy and friendships that buoy your soul, inspire your expansive mind, and pique your sense of adventure. To boost the likelihood they will flow your way in abundance during the coming weeks, I offer you these quotes. 1. “Love is a madness so discreet that we carry its delicious wounds for a lifetime as if they

PISCES: Feb.19 – March 20

Love and intimacy and togetherness are fun, yes. But they’re also hard work — especially if you want to make the fun last. This will be your specialty in the coming months. I’ve assembled four quotes to inspire you. 1. “The essence of marriage is not that it provides a happy ending, but that it provides a promising beginning — and then you keep beginning again, day after day.” —Gabriel García Márquez. 2. “The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. But those who follow the art of creating it day after day come closest to discovering it.” —Pearl Buck. 3. “Love is a continuous act of forgiveness.” —Maya Angelou. 4. “In the best of relationships, daily rebuilding is a mutual process. Each partner helps the other grow.” —Virginia Satir.

Homework: What’s the most outrageously loving act you could engage in?

JAMES NOELLERT

Happy Valentine’s Day, to all those with or without a valentine!!

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