Editorial by Matt Gagliano

Dear Readers,

Shut that goddamn Christmas music off already! It’s November! Thanksgiving hasn’t even happened yet! I swear to god if Mariah Carey doesn’t crawl back into her cave until AFTER November 25th, I’m going to go Sicko Mode. Wait… I think that implies that I’m going to kill eight people. Probably shouldn’t use that phrase any more. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s way too early to start talking about Christmas; give Thanksgiving it’s chance to shine. I would like to say that we here at Binghamton Review have given Thanksgiving it’s chance to shine, this is the Thanksgiving issue after all, and yet it appears as though no one has written anything related to Thanksgiving. The closest thing we have is Evelyn Medina’s article “Does Christmas Come Too Early?” on page 13. Christmas may come too early, but we here at Binghamton Review most certainly don’t. *Wink wink* *Nudge nudge* Am I right ladies? Haha! Woo! *Slaps knee* Hehe! Get it? Hoho! *Wipes away tears of laughter* Anyway, I hope all of you can ignore that shitty joke long enough to enjoy your Thanksgiving break. Unlike any Binghamton Review members, Thanksgiving break is coming soon, and I think I speak for everyone when I say it can’t get here fast enough. This semester has me more done than Garfield on Mondays. Speaking of which, does anyone know why they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food? Speaking of food, if you’re interested in a food related article, you should check out “Cardinal Sins And The Chocolate Factory” by Madeline Perez on page 7. Yeah, alright, it may be a bit of a stretch to call that one “food related” but it does have “chocolate” in the title. Technically, chocolate is a food, so if it’s in the title, then clearly the article must at the very least be food adjacent. Know what, I don’t have to justify myself to you. Just read the damn article. It’s the third paragraph of the editorial, so you know what that means. I’m tired and sick of writing this shit so here come the rapid fire article name drops with no witty comments in between because my brain has run out of creativity juice. “Elmo Says Get The Jab” by Joe Badalamenti on page 6 is pretty good and is also related to our “beautiful” back cover. You should probably read it so you can properly appreciate the approximately fifteen minutes I spent photoshopping the “beautiful” back cover. Fun fact, the Big Bird image that I used didn’t originally have feet, so I had to photoshop the feet on so it wouldn’t look weird. That’s where my life is at right now, photoshopping feet onto an image of Big Bird at 2am on a Thursday night. This is no longer an editorial, this is a cry for help. Someone please, save me from this eternal hell. “Anonymous Poem We Found on The Floor” by The Joker on page 12 is another good article that I would recommend reading. We actually found it on the floor covered in some weird sticky substance, so naturally we just had to publish it.

Sincerely,

Matt Gagliano

Binghamton Review is a non-partisan, student-run news magazine of conservative thought founded in 1987 at Binghamton University. A true liberal arts education expands a student’s horizons and opens one’s mind to a vast array of divergent perspectives. The mark of true maturity is being able to engage with these perspectives rationally while maintaining one’s own convictions. In that spirit, we seek to promote the free and open exchange of ideas and offer alternative viewpoints not normally found or accepted on our predominately liberal campus. We stand against tyranny in all of its forms, both on campus and beyond. We believe in the principles set forth in this country’s Declaration of Independence and seek to preserve the fundamental tenets of Western civilization. It is our duty to expose the warped ideology of political correctness and cultural authoritarianism that dominates this university. Finally, we understand that a moral order is a necessary component of any civilized society. We strive to inform, engage with, and perhaps even amuse our readers in carrying out this mission.