Wed 1 Feb - Sat 11 Mar 2023
Idiots Assemble: Spitting Image Saves the World
Live On Stage is a play written by Al Murray, Matt
Forde and Sean Foley. It is directed by Sean Foley.
The show is about celebrities who join together to save the world.
The show running times are approximately:
Act 1 - 1 Hour
Interval - 20 Minutes
Act 2 - 1 Hour
The show is recommended for people aged 16+.
Our new front door is located on Centenary Square, shown here:
Our Box Office (left) and Foyer (right) are shown here:
A Chill Out Space is available during the Relaxed Performance in Suite One on the first floor. It has sensory lights and toys. A Quiet Room is available during all performances on the second floor. Please ask a member of staff if you would like to use these spaces.
Harry & Meghan
King Charles
Tom Cruise Priti Patel
Rishi Sunak
Vladimir Putin
President Xi Jinping
Suella Braverman
Jacob Rees-Mogg
Jurgen Klopp
Tyson Fury
Greta Thunberg
Nigel Farage
Prince William
President Zelensky
Stormzy
Katie Bradley
Paula Brett
Kaidan Dawkins
Bertie Harris
Jojo Lin
Pena Iiyambo
Chand Martinez
Will Palmer
Helen Parke
Rayo Patel
Tom Quinn
Faye Weerasinghe
The following graphics tell the sonic story of the show.
They highlight the key sounds that occur throughout the performance.
If you are attending the relaxed performance on Thu 2 Mar, 2.30pm the show has been tailored to a 'relaxed' atmosphere. This means there will be:
No bright flashes of light
Reduced sound levels
No light shone into the audience
A voiceover welcomes the audience into the auditorium. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle enter the Royal box and get ready to watch the show.
There is a loud fanfare and thunder and lightning.
Ian McKellen enters (he will be the guide throughout the show).
There is occasional fanfare during his welcome speech as he directs the audience to King Charles' coronation.
Paddington Bear sings with King Charles and Prince William as King Charles gets ready for his coronation.
Prince William, Kate and Camilla all enter and join in the song. The Queen, as a ghost, joins in the singing.
King Charles brings on the Royal Cabinet and asks his assistant Perkins to blow the doors off revealing . . . The Fabric of Society! (which is actually a very worn out pair of Royal knickers!)
The Fabric of Society is falling apart and King Charles decides he needs a new team to help him restore the Fabric of Society.
There is a crash and a flash of light from above as Hollywood superstar Tom Cruise enters and tells King Charles that he will recruit and lead the team that will restore the Fabric of Society.
Tom Cruise goes to Downing Street to begin assembling his team.
RuPaul enters in a puff of smoke, he becomes the first member of Tom Cruise's team and agrees to help recruit more members.
RuPaul and Tom Cruise see a group of Tory Ministers, including Prime Minister Rishi Sunak, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Priti Patel and Suella Braverman, outside Number 10 Downing Street. Some of the Tory Minsters arrive on stage via the auditorium aisles.
The Tory Ministers sing about their policies and then exit through the door of Number 10 Downing Street on stage.
Vladimir Putin and Xi Jinping sit down together to watch the show from a box, they soon realise there is a lever in the box that could end the show at any moment
The scene switches to show President Zelensky in Ukraine. RuPaul and Tom Cruise arrive to ask if he will join their team but President Zelensky tells them that he is too busy fighting the Russian Army to help their effort.
Vladimir Putin is angry that one of his Russian soldiers is fraternising with a drag queen and he pulls the lever, stopping the show.
Then the scene changes as Vladimir Putin performs a musical number, singing and dancing through the song 'Putin on the Blitz'.
RuPaul and Tom Cruise then go a to a Britain's Got Talent event where other celebrities including Adele, Jurgen Klopp and Taylor Swift try out for the team.
Tyson Fury, Angela Rayner, Idris Elba, Meghan Markle and Greta Thunberg are the only successful auditionees that join the team. The team become known as 'The Magnificent 7'.
The pub transforms into a lair where Boris Johnson, Rupert Murdoch, Donald Trump, Mohammed bin Saud, Mark Zuckerberg, James Corden, Liz Truss and Elon Musk are gathered, together they are members of the 'Bad Boy' club.
They plot to invite The Magnificent 7 celebrities to a party where they will stop their quest to restore the Fabric of Society.
The scene cuts to Nigel Farage in a pub with Prime Minister Rishi Sunak.
The Bad Boy Club's plan to stop the The Magnificent 7 is successful, the celebrities have been trapped and put on a plane to Rwanda.
Idris Elba and Kier Starmer attempt to save them all but their plans fail as both jump out of the plane without parachutes!
Greta Thunberg sings about the environmental consequences of being on a plane.
The scene changes to a party in Downing Street where Carrie Johnson sings alongside a number of dancing penises to demonstrate how 'men just think with their dicks'.
Streamers explode into the audience.
There will now be a 20 minute interval.
You can:
Leave your seats to use the bathroom
Buy some refreshments from the café bar
Use our breakout room
Stay in your seats if you prefer
We next see The Magnificent 7 on a boat, having escaped the plane.
Nigel Farage spots the boat just off the coast of Dover and urinates on them from afar.
Greta Thunberg fires a bazooka right at Nigel Farage’s balls and blows them clean off.
The Magnificent 7 arrive at Border Control, where Stormzy and Jurgen Klopp are trying to enter the country but Suella Braverman stops them, eventually killing Jurgen Klopp.
The Magnificent 7 kill Suella Braverman and Stormzy gives Tom Cruise a pep-talk via song.
The scene changes to Alison Hammond hosting Bargain Hunt where the Bad Boy Club are trying to get people to bid for the UK.
The Magnificent 7 swoop in and there is a large fight sequence where various members of the Bad Boy Club are eliminated. The Magnificent 7 stop sale of the UK, but the Fabric of Society is still in tatters!
The Magnificent 7 realise that the remaining members of the Bad Boy Club (all Tory Ministers), need to be judged by the only person they will ever listen to - Former Tory Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. They call on John Major who summons Margaret Thatcher from the dead, she banishes the Tory Ministers to hell.
The scene switches to a celebratory atmosphere where Tyson Fury and RuPaul are getting married, whilst being serenaded by Elton John.
But, it turns out that Tom Cruise has been double crossing the Magnificent 7 the whole time! He calls on his lizard friends, and one appears onstage. The lizard says that they are using the UK as a test case to see how stupid humans are. They then wipe the minds of the audience and everything is reset.
