The Bishop Magazine (September 2014)

A THEOLOGICAL JOURNAL

SEPTEMBER 2014

How Churches Can Survive Near-Death Experiences Eight Reasons Most Churches Remain Below 200 Members There’s One in Almost Every Church Two Lesbians Walk Into A Church- Was Jesus Shocked Seven Ways Couples Make Marriages Soar Why “PKs Walk Away From Church” Give Somebody Else a Chance How We got the New Testamant Why It’s Good to Run Church Like a Business

Seven Warnings to Church Leaders on Social Media “From Shame to Change”

Content table of

September 2014

04

How Churches Can Survive near-Death experiences

05

From the Desk of the Publisher

06

eight Reasons Most Churches Remain Below 200 Members

08

there’s one in Almost every Church

10

Why It’s Good to Run Church Like a Business

11

How We got the new testamant

12

Give Somebody else a Chance

14

two Lesbians Walk Into A Church- Was Jesus Shocked

16

Seven Ways Couples Make Marriages Soar

18

Why “PKs Walk Away From Church”

20

Seven Warnings to Church Leaders on Social Media

22

“From Shame to Change”

September 2014 | 3

How Churches Can Survive

Near-Death experieNces

M

y latest book is about churches

near death. The members were on the

that died. In Autopsy of a

precipice of deciding to close the doors.

Deceased Church, I wrote about issues that led to the

demise of several congregations.

Recently, however, I wrote a blog post

about churches that have dreamed again.

These congregations experienced dramatic reversals from decline to vibrant health.

by Thom Rainer

In that post, I asked leaders of churches to share with me stories about churches that have dreamed again. I was amazed and overwhelmed at the responses.

opposite direction. They became vibrant congregations of hope and growth.

Looking for patterns.

I isolated those stories of “near death� churches to see if I could discover common patterns. Although no two churches were identical, they did take similar paths.

Keep in mind that these are not just churches that moved from slight decline or steady

From near death to health.

decline to growth. These are the churches that

As I read about these churches, and

were just a few months away from closing

even watched some videos about their

their doors. Today, they are alive and well.

stories, I was reminded again of how God often does a great work of revitalization.

4 | September 2014

Instead of closing the doors, however, the churches went in the

What are the common paths they followed? I found at least five.

Among the most amazing stories

1. All of these churches had sudden negative

were those of churches that were truly

events that exacerbated their declines.

That event was often connected with a pastor. In some of the churches, the pastor had a moral failure. In other churches, the pastor left suddenly and unexpectedly, often at a critical time in the life of the church.

2. Each of the “near death” churches had a significant exodus of members who resisted change.

At the time of their departures, the exodus was seen as a very negative occurrence. In hindsight, it became viewed as a blessing.

3. A remnant of the membership began

From the Desk of the publisher Bishop Andy C. Lewter, D. Min.

T

he month of September is here and with it comes the return of our young people to the classrooms of America to resume their education in schools across the country. As a

parent we send our children out of our doors with the hope and the prayer that they will come home at the end of the day the same way that they left hours earlier.

Sanford, Florida and now Ferguson, Missouri makes it painfully clear the peril that surrounds our young people today.

gathering together for fervent prayer.

Our confidence regarding their safety can no longer be taken

One church member noted, “We were so

for granted. On this past Sunday, as made ready to close my

desperate that all we had left was prayer.”

worship service with the benediction, I paused and called all

That prayer gathering became the beginning

of our young people to the altar. I asked our adults to not only

of a new dream in the congregation.

make room for them but to surround them and lay hands on

4. The membership remnant made a

the young person who was closest to them. I refused to close

commitment to God to sacrifice whatever

the service without specifically asking God to watch over

He asked and to do whatever He asked.

our young people as they launch another year in school.

The members thus let go of the

As a youngster almost 60 years ago, the image of Emmett

idols of their perception of “how

Till was seared into my mind and forever changed my outlook

we do church” and became open to

on life. It was that image of Emmett Till that first gave me a

new directions and new ideas.

consciousness that everybody was not the same in this country.

5. The church became outwardly obsessed

It was that image that drove me to be active in the civil rights

to reach and minister to their community.

movement in the late 60’s and early 70’s. It was that image that

One member said it well: “We became

sensitized me to the anti-war movement in the mid 70’s. It was

determined in the power of God to

that image that inspired me to follow the leading of God to enter

discover what it would take to be

ministry as a way to protest the social landscape of the country.

Christ in the community. We had

For me, the image was that of Emmett Till, for this

never asked that question before.”

generation the image is that of Trayvon Martin and Michael

Not the typical path.

Brown. The death of Martin and Brown will be looked back

Remember that these churches represented

on by the “millennials” of this decade as the turning point

a subset of churches that dreamed again.

of their lives. They will look back on the summer of 2014

These congregations were among those that

and will point to it as the summer that they lost their social

almost died. Their future longevity could be

innocence and became aware of how systemic the country

measured in months rather than years.

continues to be in their treatment of young men of color.

Most of the “dream again” churches did

In the 1980’s it was Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu who wrote a

not get that close to the death. They began

series of books and articles entitled “The Conspiracy to

to experience renewal long before their

Destroy Black Boys”. Dr. Kunjufu argue that Black boys are

demise became a foregone conclusion.

targeted as early as the fourth grade. The deaths of Martin

Most churches that die experience gradual erosion. The congregation thus rarely sees the need to change. And so the

and Brown are all too familiar a reminder that live is as dangerous today for men of color as it was 50 years ago.

1964, 1965 and 1966 were called “The Long Hot Summers”

congregation slowly moves toward death.

and saw riots in Watts, Newark and Detroit. Here we are

The irony of the “near death” churches

fifty years later and the cities, just mentioned, have been

is that the sudden negative event actually

replaced with Sanford and Ferguson. Yes, we have made

was used by God to give the congregation

extraordinary strides of progress over the ast 50 years,

a sorely needed wake-up call.

and yes, we do have a man in the White House that looks

Sometimes we all need a wake-up call. Churches too.

like us, but the events of this last year seems to prove that the more things change, the more things stay the same.

September 2014 | 5

eight reasoNs Most Churches Remain Below 200 Members

W

hile social media, and

wrong with being a small church. I just know

are still preoccupied with

that almost every small church leader I

megachurches and multisite

speak to wants his or her church to grow.

churches, the reality is that most churches in North America are quite small.

The Barna group pegs the average Protestant church size in America at 89 adults. Sixty percent of protestant churches

By Carey Nieuwhof

6 | September 2014

Please understand, there’s nothing

even traditional media,

have less than 100 adults in attendance. Only 2 percent have over 1,000 adults attending.

I get that. That’s the mission of the church. Every single day, I want our church to become more effective in reaching one more person with the hope that’s in Christ.

So, why is it that most churches never break the 200 attendance mark?

It’s not:

Desire. Most leaders I know want their church to reach more people.

answer, by the way, is to teach people to care for each other in groups.

A lack of prayer. Many small church leaders are incredibly faithful in prayer.

Love. Some of the people in

2. The leaders lack a strategy.

Many churches today are clear on

smaller churches love people as

mission and vision. What most lack is a

authentically as anyone I know.

widely shared and agreed upon strategy.

Facility. Growth can start in the most unlikely places.

Let’s just assume you have a solid mission, theology and heart to reach people.

You know why most churches still don’t push past the 200 mark in attendance?

Your vision and mission answers the

6. Too many meetings.

I led a church with a grand total of 50 people in attendance. We had 16 elders.

why and what of your organization. Your

Overall, the church was in evening

strategy answers how. And how is critical.

meetings two to three times a week.

Spend time working through your strategy. Be clear on how you will accomplish your mission and don’t rest

Why on earth would a church that small need to meet that often?

I eventually repurposed most of those

You ready?

until the mission, vision and strategy reside

meetings to become meetings about vision

They organize, behave, lead and

in every single volunteer and leader.

and reorganization. We also cut the number of elders down. Now, although we have a much

manage like a small organization.

Think about it.

There’s a world of difference between

3. True leaders aren’t leading.

In every church, there are people who

bigger church, I’m only out one or two nights a week (and then, mostly for small group).

If you’re going to meet, meet on purpose for

how you organize a corner store and how

hold the position of leadership and then

you organize a larger supermarket.

there are people who are truly leaders (who

the future. Free up your time so you and your

may not hold any position in your church).

team can accomplish something significant.

In a corner store, Mom and Pop run everything. Want to talk to the CEO? She’s

Release people who hold titles but aren’t 7. Too many events and programs

stocking shelves. Want to see the director

advancing the mission, and hand the job over

of marketing? He’s at the cash register.

to real leaders. Look for people who have

Mom and Pop do everything, and

a track record of handling responsibility in

they organize their business to stay

other areas of life and give them the job of

Just because you’re busy doesn’t

small. Which is fine if you’re Mom

leading the church into the future with you.

mean you’re being effective.

and Pop and don’t want to grow.

But you can’t run a supermarket that

If you actually have leaders leading, it will make a huge difference.

and people who only stock shelves.

Activity does not equal accomplishment.

If you check into most small churches (remember, I was there … I’m not judging, just being honest), there are a lot of programs that

way. You organize differently. You govern differently. There’s a produce manager

that lead nowhere.

4. Volunteers are unempowered.

Sure, small churches may not have the

accomplish little and lead nowhere. Stop them.

Yes, people will be mad. Even have

There’s a floor manager, shift manager,

budget to hire other staff, but you have people.

the courage to cut some good programs.

general manager and so much more.

Once you have identified true leaders, and once

Good is the enemy of great. Then go

So what’s the translation to church world?

you’re clear on your mission, vision and strategy,

out and do a few great things.

Here are eight reasons churches who

you need to release people to accomplish them.

want to grow end up staying small:

Try to do it all yourself and you will burn out, leave or simply be ineffective.

1. The pastor is the primary caregiver.

Honestly, if you just push past this one issue, you will have made a ton of

Empower volunteers around

funeral, and make regular house calls, he

to please everybody.

Many pastors I know are people-pleasers

an aligned strategy and you will

by nature. Go see a counselor. Get on your

likely begin to see progress.

knees. Do whatever you need to do to get over the fear of disappointing people.

progress. When the pastor has to visit every sick person, do every wedding and

8. The pastor suffers from a desire

5. The governance team micromanages.

If you need permission every time you

Courageous leadership is like courageous parenting. Don’t do what your kids want you to

or she becomes incapable of doing other

need to buy paper towels or repaint an

do; do what you believe is best for them in the

things. That model just doesn’t scale.

office, you have a governance issue.

end. Eventually, many of them will thank you.

If you’re good at it, you’ll grow the church to

Most boards who micromanage do so

And the rest? Honestly, they’ll

200 people and then disappoint people when

because that’s where most people simply

probably go to another church that

you can’t get to every event any more. Or you’ll

default. You need a board that guards the

isn’t reaching many people either.

just burn out. It creates false expectations

mission and vision and empowers the team to

and so many people get hurt in the process.

accomplish it and then gets out of the way.

Although it’s 20 years old, this is still the best book I know on the subject. The

This post on governance from Jeff Brodie is gold.

I realize the diagnosis can sound a little harsh, but we have a pretty deep problem on our hands. And radical problems demand radical solutions.

September 2014 | 7

there’s oNe in Almost Every Church

Y

oung pastors enter the ministry

do not need a physician (Matthew 9:12).

expecting the people of the

If they were all healthy, sane, balanced,

Lord to be healthy, sane,

etc., etc., they would not need a pastor.

balanced, spiritual, biblically

informed and Holy Spirit guided.

And then they run into reality.

The image of “running into a buzz-saw” comes to mind.

By Joe McKeever

Some of them do not survive the experience, bless their hearts. But we remind them—when we have the opportunity— that our Lord said those who are whole

8 | September 2014

You are there for those who are the unhealthy, unbalanced, spiritually immature and so forth.

Sometimes, it’s a leader in the church who blindsides you.

Here’s my story (see my two notes at the end) …

First, the background. Soon after I came to that church, I set out to visit all the deacons.

If I was going to be able to pastor this

took bankruptcy last year, lives off his wife’s

troubled congregation (they’d been through

earnings, says was called to ministry a few

a terrible split 18 months before I came; half

years back and got a masters of divinity from

the members remained to deal with several

seminary. Had a short, failing stint as pastor

million dollars of debt), I’d need their help.

of (name of church) and has approached me twice wanting a position on our staff. He has

director, and that we have a good prospect in

Doris, he showed me his certificates and

conducted a full campaign behind the scenes

mind, but I do not know if he has accepted yet.

diplomas on the wall. This man was thoroughly

with church members for the associate pastor

trained in the Lord’s work, if the framed papers

position when (present assistant) retires.

One evening in the home of Tommy and

were any indication. At one point he said, “But

His brother Bobby told me that Tommy only

We prayed together and he left.

SUNDAY, JULY 5. Got word tonight that Tommy is phoning selected church

pastor, they won’t let me serve in our church.

wants honor and position, but not work. When

members inviting to a meeting Thursday

I want so much to be used of the Lord. I have

I inquired with our leaders last year, they were

night at (a deacon’s) home. The chairman

these skills and training and the call of God.”

quick and unanimous in saying Tommy offends

of deacons heard of it and asked (another

people and runs them off. So now, he had made

deacon who is also a lawyer) to find Tommy

an appointment to see me for the position.

and stop this in its tracks. Said for me

My eagerness to bless and help and affirm overrode my good sense at this point.

not to worry, that they will handle.

I said something like, “Well, we’ll

The visit was quiet, humble and candid.

see about this. We can always use a

I told him I could not find any of our leaders

good man with your skills and abilities.

who favored putting him to work, and

He’s found out that Tommy was calling

We will definitely put you to work.”

that these were people who knew him.

people together only to pray for him, that

The next morning, I related this to our

When he persisted, I said, “I’ve heard from

MONDAY, JULY 6. Chairman called.

the Lord would open up a ministry. Later,

assistant pastor, a godly friend who had

several that you run people off. Now, Tommy,

Tommy called me and said the same. “But

served our church for many years. He

when I’m running references on a prospective

because so many think I’m trying to stir up

said, “Oh, pastor, I need to tell you about

staff member and they tell me he runs

a movement against you, I’ve called them

Tommy. He kills everything he touches.”

people off, that’s the end of the conversation.

all and canceled the meeting.” He told the

I don’t need to know anything else.”

deacons to remove him from the board.

At one point they put him over the church’s bus ministry, and he killed it. They put him in charge of the senior adult ministry, but he began ordering people around like he was the

(But he wasn’t through. The sheer gall of this man was amazing.)

He suggested that we pray about it. I said,

CEO and ran them off. Finally, they realized the

“I have prayed about it over the last year.”

truth about Brother Tommy: He did not want to

He: “And so have I. And God told me

serve people; he wanted to lord it over them.

that I’m the one for this position.”

He ended by pointing out that our personalities conflict. I haven’t seen a conflict of personalities. The man is strange, that’s all. But not unlikeable.

The rest of the story …

Tommy and his wife soon joined another

He did not want to be a minister; he wanted

I said, “Tommy, several times over the

to be “somebody” with an office and a title.

years I have had people send me their resume

church. The next time I saw the pastor of

saying, ‘The Lord is leading me to join your

that church, I called him off to the side to

in any position in the church. Tommy had not

staff.’ I always respond, ‘As soon as He tells

warn him. He smiled, “Joe, they used to

told me that they had tried him in various

me, we can talk about it. But not until then.’

belong to my church. We know them well.”

That’s why they could no longer use him

ministries and that he had bombed out.

Tommy: “But I said God is leading one way and you say the opposite. What do we do then?”

Question: Have you ever told someone they cannot serve in the church because they kill everything they touch? Imagine

Me: “Well, that’s true, but I’m the one who has to make the decision. And I say ‘no.’”

Tommy: “Well, I’m going to talk to

my trying to convey this to Tommy

other church members and get their

without destroying the man.

counsel and get them to praying.”

That was long ago and I have no memory of the details of my attempts to let him down

Me: “Tommy, I’m your pastor and I’m asking you not to do that.”

After a year or two, they moved to another state. That’s the last I heard of them. I hope things worked out for them.

Pastors, you’re going to have these in your church. Do not be blindsided.

Church leaders, you should stand with your pastor when he resists the difficult one who demands a position in the church.

That person can rally supporters and family

Tommy: “Why?”

members and make life difficult for the

Now, the next stage of this story.

Me: “Because it’s over. I’m sorry. You’ve

minister unless the mature leaders support

My journal for that year records a

applied for the job and I’ve talked to people

the pastor. Often, this unbalanced person is a

subsequent confrontation with Tommy,

who know you and none of them support you

longtime friend of yours. You will be forced to

one I had completely forgotten. (I think

in this. So, I’m turning you down. I’m sorry. I

decide whether the welfare of the church—

you’ll see why; it was unpleasant.)

love you. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything.”

and the effectiveness of its ministries—

easily. But evidently, I was not direct enough.

Friday, July 3. Had 1:30 appointment

He wanted to teach the huge auditorium

with (Tommy). Nearing 60, he is a ‘ne’er-do-

Bible class. I said this will be filled through the

well,’ a deacon, a Sunday School teacher,

minister of education and the Sunday school

are worth your risking that friendship.

Only people of courage should be called leaders of the church. God bless you.

September 2014 | 9

Why It’s Good to Run

e k i L h c chur s s e N i s u aB T

by Justin Lathrop

he line between business and church is messy. It’s a line everyone must walk, and nobody’s sure how to do it well.

Is this a church or a

business? Or could it be both?

Most (if not all) churches run as nonprofits,

which makes everything twice as difficult.

The majority of their costs are funded through congregational donations, which makes them feel as nonbusiness-like as you can get.

It’s a relational business. You’re not fighting for dollars; you’re fighting for hearts.

And yet, at the same time, you can’t run a church without money. Are you feeling the tension here? Do you see where I’m going?

We often think that business and church are opposites. It’s about money (business), or it’s about people (church).

But can it be about both?

In my opinion, churches should be run more like businesses. And before you write me off completely and tell me about Jesus turning over tables, hear me out.

I think implementing best business practices in our churches today can help us serve the greatest number of people in the most helpful ways.

10 | September 2014

First, people want responsible leaders.

Churches have financial responsibilities. It’s a fact.

You either rent or own the building where you meet. You employ a staff, whose salaries you have to pay. You have lights you must keep on and programs you must fund and people to pay to care for your kids.

Even churches with a bare-bones budget have things to pay for. This is when it becomes crucial that there’s a business side to your church.

People don’t want a church that talks about money constantly.

But they do want to know that when they give their money to the church, that money is in good, responsible hands—and that the church will still be around next Sunday, next month and next year.

Money may not be your primary responsibility as a church, but it’s certainly important.

While God does provide for our every need, he also honors those who are faithful with what they’ve been given.

Running your church like a business—thinking about opportunity cost, revenue and growth—is one way to stay true to these fiscal responsibilities.

Second, your ministries will be more sustainable.

As churches, we have big hearts for the needs of people everywhere. We’re experts at beginning ministries—with sky-high dreams about how we’re going to change the world.

But while our hearts are in the right place, our plans might not be strong enough to sustain our grand visions.

how we got the New Testamant

This is where business expertise and training can come in handy.

You need a plan in place to make your ministries sustainable.

You can have idealistic dreams of “changing the world,” but if at some point our expenses outweigh our profits, the lifespan of our ministries (and therefore our impact) is going to be a short one—even with the greatest of intentions.

Third, you’ll take care of your people.

Our churches are run by people, and it’s crucial we take care of them. I’m not sure where the unspoken “because it’s ministry I shouldn’t get paid very much” rule came from, but for

Dr. Timothy Paul Jones and Bishop Andy C. Lewter, D. Min.

whatever reason, many churches are abiding by it. If morale is low on your team, if people are undermotivated, if there seems to be jealousy and division, perhaps it’s because people feel they’re not being fairly compensated for their efforts.

The better we function as a business, the more we can care for the people on our payroll, offering them benefits and a fitting salary in exchange for their love and hard work.

When we neglect the business side of our staff, we’re not helping

Being a lover of Church History, I am particularly struck by a relatively new video that is currently available on youtube. We strongly encourage you to watch this informative and yet entertaining video that can be seen at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SZPbADxXSs#t=38.

This video is a little more than two minutes in length and is fast moving. Despite its rapidity, it contains vital information that every

anyone. We’re hurting people and their families who depend on them.

Christian would benefit from having. Check it out and let us know what

And as a result, we neglect those we’re trying most desperately to serve.

you think.

Take good care of your staff so they can take good care of others.

Sure, the business world can be heartless, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, it can be really smart. When you make more money than you spend, understand budgets, embrace what it takes to hire a high-functioning staff, understand sustainability and maximizing resources—your church can thrive.

Treating our churches more like a business doesn’t have to be a Godless endeavor. In fact, creating a healthy, sustainable, well-managed church organization might just be the best way to serve our congregation well.

September 2014 | 11

give someBoDy

eLse a chaNce

I

n this wonderful nation of ours there are over 300,000,000 people who live here. There are 50 states, over 3,100 counties, over 30,000 cities. There are four major traditional baptist

by Robert Earl Houston

12 | September 2014

So why is it that we only utilize a handful of preachers to speak at these events?

No one will dare say it, but in the hallway of most of our conventions, the same faces

conventions, each claiming over 1,000,000

and names appear on the program year after

members. There are easily at least one state

year after year. Surely by now there should

baptist convention in each state, some have

be some new faces and voices emerging

as many as 4 or more. There are hundreds

from the diaspora of the African-American

of district associations, state conventions,

church experience. However, it’s the same

district congresses, state congresses, general

people preaching conventions all over

associations, national conventions, local/state/

the nation – basically utilizing the same

national fellowships, and on and on and on.

five sermons – and frankly, it’s tiring.

Our General Association of Baptists in

Because he was given a chance.

Kentucky had invited a minister to be our guest

I was the recipient of opportunities.

speaker this year and he fell ill and was unable

Outside of my home church, people like Dr.

to be here. Our State Moderator and his wife

O.B. Williams, Dr. J.A. Boles, Dr. S.M. Lockridge,

were on the way to Cancun, Mexico when he

Dr. Ray Williams, Dr. H.F. Dean, Dr. Willie T.

received the news – a little less than 3 weeks

Snead, Dr. Melvin Wade, Dr. R.C. Williams, Sr.,

away from the annual session. After consulting

Dr. Clyde E. Gaines, Dr. A.E. Reid, Dr. A. Russell

with a friend and praying over it, he selected

Awkard, Dr. Bernard Crayton, Dr. C.B. Akins,

Reverend Cory Ramont Morris. A minister that

Dr. Walter Parrish, III, and others GAVE ME

most of us in Kentucky had never heard before.

A CHANCE. They took a chance and gave me

However, by the end of the week, he became

opportunity to preach or serve in conventions

the talk of the Commonwealth of Kentucky.

– even when I was pastoring a storefront

Great theological mind. Young but seasoned.

church and pastoring for free because the

A rare ability to connect with the old, the

church was not in position to pay me; even

middle aged, and the young. Tremendous

when I was pastoring a church and I had to

delivery. Friendly and approachable. Not

make it to the conventions on my own dime;

haughty and not stuck up. And yes, a close

even when I was fighting for my pastoral life

that could easily be construed as one of

and the storms were raging at full blast; and

the best I’ve heard in recent memory.

even at the church of my dreams – I have

Outstanding scriptural approach and

been the recipient of an opportunity.

exegesis. Teaching while preaching.

I’ve preached for state conventions

And we LOVED it.

in Oregon/Washington/Idaho; Kentucky;

Maybe our problem is that we look to the

California; North Carolina. I’ve preached for

stars of the church rather than to the Hills

district associations in Oregon, California,

(from whence cometh our help) – and instead

Louisiana, Tennessee, and Kentucky. I’ve

of considering those who are solid in the

preached for city-wide revivals in Newark,

faith, upcoming, and striving pastors – we

NJ, Gary, IN, Albuquerque, NM and other

get the same old soup in a new bowl with

places. I’ve preached in Revival or for special

all gravy and no meat. My former pastor,

occasions literally around the nation.

Bishop Darryl S. Brister used to say “all you

Because I was given a chance. Maybe

need is one moment of exposure to change

before the next leader of a group invites

your life.” There are a plethora of ministers

Rev. Dr. So and So or Bishop So and So

who if just given the opportunity to be

or the Pastor who is pastoring the large

programmed, you may discover what all the

church over in the next state or many the

fuss is about in their local communities.

denominational leader who you know

Case in point. A West Virginia pentecostal pastor has been attending a Conference

really can’t preach, but has a big name.

There are gifted young pastors, middle

in Tulsa, Oklahoma for years and gets the

aged pastors, even elderly pastors who

opportunity to meet the host. One year, one

have never been given the opportunity to

of the speakers can’t make it, and the host

preach because they didn’t graduate from

calls him and asks him, at the last minute to fill

a certain school or they didn’t have the

in. The minister preaches a dynamic sermon

opportunity to complete college or they

and most people had never heard of him. The

had a family to support and sat under the

C.L. Franklin, Jasper Williams, E. Edward Jones

conference is televised and the owner of the

feet of their pastor or college was not for

– and other young pastors who were given the

world’s largest Christian television network

them – and yet they minister faithfully,

opportunity to preach nationally at a young age.

sees his presentation, picks up the phone,

biblically and with integrity. They are in

calls him, and brings him to his network

every state – just waiting for a chance.

studios, and launches him into preaching

I’ve always prayed, Lord, if I ever get in the

When our session in Lexington closed after hearing a session that will live in the annals of history of this 149 year old institution.

history. The host was Bishop Carlton Pearson.

position to help someone else up, please help

The name of Corey Ramont Morris will stand

The event was Azusa. The network owner

me to do so. I wonder what would happen if

in the hearts of minds of the delegates that

was Paul Crouch. And that West Virginia

our conventions do today what they use to

trusted their Moderator to be obedient to

minister, who admitted that at one point he

do in yesterday and give an opportunity to

the Holy Spirit. We didn’t know him then.

was the pastor, musician, usher and janitor,

young preachers like E.V. Hill, Melvin Wade,

But we know and appreciate him now.

is named Thomas Dexter (T.D.) Jakes.

Stephen Thurston, A.L. Bowman, Sandy Ray,

Give somebody else a chance.

September 2014 | 13

Two Lesbians Walk Into A Church-

was Jesus shockeD

had just started hanging out when they

time, I actually started to believe it. The more

decided to attend one Sunday morning.

I believed God actually could see something

“I came on a mission to shock people,” Amy admits. “Rachel and I would hold hands

“L

By John Burke et’s just go for fun! We’ll see

of value in me, the more I trusted him.”

Over time, Amy slowly opened her heart

in front of people, but instead of the disgusted

and struggles to Christ. “It took several years,

looks of contempt we expected, people met

but as I moved closer and closer to Christ, he

eyes with us and treated us like real people. So

gently took me on a very surprising journey.

we started coming to church weekly. We kept

First, I found out my father had nine affairs

moving closer to the front each week, trying to

while I was growing up—a secret that rocked

get a reaction so that we’d be rejected sooner

my world. Jesus began to show me how the

rather than later. When we couldn’t shock

roots of my sexual issues tie together with

people, we stopped trying and started learning.

my dad’s—I was just like him, using people to

“Not long after that, Rachel and I stopped

find comfort, life and love outside of God.”

how much we can push their

seeing each other, but I kept coming to church

buttons,” Amy teased her

because I was searching for something,”

the Scriptures, falling more and more in love with

girlfriend, who didn’t like the idea

Amy admits. “I definitely wasn’t looking to

the Lord. The following year, God had another

change. It wasn’t my lesbian lifestyle that

surprise for her: “I went to the seminar called ‘To

I was bringing to God, but I wondered if

Be Told,’ hosted at Gateway. I wanted to see how

is ‘Come as you are.’ I just want to prove that

God had answers to my deeper longings.

God could put closure to my brokenness, but

they’re ‘come as you are’ ... unless you’re gay.”

Problem was, I didn’t trust God at all!

what he showed me shocked me,” Amy recalls.

of hanging around a bunch of Christians.

“Come on,” Amy insisted. “I hear their motto

Amy had been in a nine-year lesbian

“The more I listened and learned about the

Amy continued to grow in her knowledge of

“As Dan Allender was telling a story of a

relationship that had broken up, leaving

teachings of Jesus, the more I started to actually

bully, I suddenly had a flashback of getting

her wondering why her deepest longings

believe that God really did love me. I heard more

off the school bus. I lived down the street

could never be satisfied. She and Rachel

and more about being his Masterpiece, and in

from Jimmy, a boy who had bullied me all

14 | September 2014

year. But this particular day, Jimmy acted nice

community.) None of this kept Jesus away or

know who is touching him and what kind of

to me as I got off the bus,” Amy recalls.

kept him from offering her living water. Maybe

woman she is—that she is a sinner” (Luke 7:39).

“He apologized for being so mean, and he invited me to come to his house.”

Jesus wants Christ-followers who will be less like the Pharisees and more like him—unshockable.

In other words, if Jesus were truly a prophet, he would know about her scandalous sexual sin, and he would be shocked. But

That day in the seminar, all else faded to

Luke tells of a time Simon the Pharisee

black as this vivid nightmare crept back to life.

invited Jesus to dinner. Jesus and his disciples

Amy saw herself walking through Jimmy’s

went and “reclined at the table” (Luke 7:36)

front door, noticing all the shades pulled

along with Simon’s religious friends, who were

controversial situation. Imagine a known

down. Startled, she spied two teenage boys

skeptical about Jesus’ true identity—mainly

prostitute coming up to your pastor, kissing

eyeing her with a ravenous look as the door

because he showed more love for “sinners”

his feet and rubbing oil on them after the

slammed shut. Her screams never escaped

than love for the Law of Moses (Jesus had just

Sunday service. It would be his last Sunday

the evil darkness that enveloped that house.

made it clear this wasn’t true; he came to fulfill

at most churches if he didn’t put an end to

They pinned her down and raped her.

the intent of the Law of Moses). They invited

it fast! What was Jesus thinking? Why didn’t

Jesus there to judge him, not learn from him.

this shock Jesus like it would all of us?

She was only nine!

Jesus did know and was not shocked!

Now you have to realize, this was a

Jesus looks at the heart. It’s about the heart.

Amy swam in a pool of tears as the

Middle Eastern dining style consisted of a

seminar continued. Others were oblivious

one-foot high table with pillows on the floor for

Jesus confronted the unloving hearts of his host

to her divine epiphany. She realized the Lord

seating, usually with feet stretched out to the

and friends while this woman demonstrated

had been drawing her near to strengthen

side or behind them. As the meal proceeded,

a heart overflowing with love. Jesus said,

her for this revelation—to show her the

an immoral woman crashed the party. She

“Simon, I have something to tell you” (v. 40).

source of so much sexual struggle hidden for

sheepishly made her way over to stand behind

years beneath layers of protective mud.

Jesus. Luke makes sure we know she had

moneylender. One owed him five hundred

“Two people owed money to a certain

“lived a sinful life” (v. 37). She did not just have

denarii [a whole lot of money], and the other fifty

about me than I know about myself,” Amy

a few slipups, but rather had made a life out

[one tenth as much]. Neither of them had the

recalls, “and he wants to bring healing to

of her sexual deviancies, and everyone knew

money to pay him back, so he forgave the debts

these wounds, so I fully gave him my heart

it! Her mud was public knowledge. Her whole

of both. Now which of them will love him more?”

and body—everything. As I continued to seek

life, she had felt judged and condemned by the

intimacy with him, the lesbian struggles fell

religious establishment, so to go into the house

away. I’m not saying that’s how God works with

of her tormentors took enormous courage.

“You have judged correctly,” Jesus said. (The

Yet there she stood... because Jesus was

only thing Simon had judged correctly that day!)

“After that, I realized God knows more

everyone, but it’s how he’s healing me. The more

Simon replied, “I suppose the one who had the bigger debt forgiven.”

Then he turned toward the woman and

I focus on God’s intimate love for me and try

there! Somehow word on the street had travelled

to see his Masterpiece emerge, the less I want

to her through the crowd she hung out with—

said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I

anything to get in the way of his work in me.”

there’s hope in Jesus for the muddiest human.

came into your house. You did not give me

Seven years later, Amy leads our

Hearing he had come near, an unstoppable

any water for my feet, but she wet my feet

ministry to help people find healing and

force welling up from within had drawn her

with her tears and wiped them with her hair.

wholeness from all kinds of sexual and

to his feet. As she stood in his presence, hope

You did not give me a kiss, but this woman,

relational struggles. She’s helping others

burst through the dam of all that pain that

from the time I entered, has not stopped

become God’s restored Masterpiece.

had driven her mudslinging behaviour—she

kissing my feet. You did not put oil on my

Jesus Is Never Shocked

started to cry. Her tears accidentally landed

head, but she has poured perfume on my feet.

Do you realize that Jesus is not shocked

on Jesus’ dirty feet (that his host had not

Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been

shown the common courtesy to wash).

forgiven—as her great love has shown. But

by the shocking things people do? Jesus knew Zacchaeus had robbed people blind

The tension in the room mounted; everyone’s

whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

Luke 7:41–47

and profited off much unethical behavior, yet

shoulders tightened as she fell to her knees

Jesus was not shocked. He did not offer Zach

behind Jesus, bent down and wiped his wet,

correction, but relationship. “Come down,

dirty feet with her hair. She took out a bottle of

critical point Jesus makes to us all—if you truly

Zacchaeus. I’m staying at your house tonight”

oil mixed with perfume, took the oil in her hands

recognize how much it cost God to forgive

(see Luke 19:5). That shocked everyone!

and gently stroked his feet with the oil—kissing

you, it will flood your heart with love for God

Yet relationship changed Zacchaeus.

them as she anointed him with the perfume.

and others who need more of the same.

Jesus knew that the Samaritan woman at

Jesus just sat there, never flinching, eyes

It’s all about love! Don’t miss this very

It’s all about love! Not a love that

the well had been married and divorced five

fixed on the Pharisees, watching them react

ignores the mud and the damage that

times. He knew about her current “hookup”

in shock and disbelief—flames of contempt

destroys God’s Masterpiece, but a love that

and how sexually entangled she was with the

shooting out of their merciless eyes.

recognizes how much loving mercy God

guy she was living with (John 4). Jesus was not

Simon could stand it no more. This

has given a messed up person like me!

That great love brings grace and truth

repulsed. (Samaritans of Jesus’ day were treated

outrageous scene had proven his point. He

by the religious community like gay people

muttered to himself and his “more respectable”

together to give hope to a broken world in

often get treated by some of today’s Christian

guests, “If this man were a prophet, he would

need of forgiveness and restoration.

September 2014 | 15

seveN ways

Couples Make Marriages Soar

M

arriage is hard work. Great

think that’s because the women are usually

marriages are even harder.

the more relationally aware than us men. And

I don’t know if I’d claim to have

a great marriage. My wife reads

16 | September 2014

expectations for all a marriage could be.

my blog—some days. (She’s the one that finds

So, while I actually think we have a great

most of my typos.) And my wife is the relational

marriage, I’m going with good for the purpose

queen—the best I’ve ever seen—so her

of this post.

expectations for relationships are high.

By Ron Edmondson

frankly, because of that, they often have higher

But I’m pretty sure she’d say we have a good

For years, working with couples, I would

marriage. (Please say that, sweetheart.) And

ask them how strong their marriage was on a

I’m certain she’d agree we work at being great

scale of 1 to 10. I just wanted to see where they

together—most of the time. (There have been

felt they were and how far apart they were

weeks, especially earlier in our marriage, when

from each other. Almost without exception, the

we seemed to work against each other—but

wife had a lower number than the husband. I

those days are rare now. Thankfully.)

Certainly both of us have seen things that don’t work—for our marriage and with the hundreds of other marriages we’ve encountered in ministry. And we’ve also witnessed some great marriages. We’ve made a goal to surround ourselves with people who have marriages that can strengthen our own.

One of our best pieces of premarital advice we give is to encourage people to find mentoring couples. It’s worked for us too.

So, what are some things that make great marriages soar? What keeps them going? What have we observed? What have we experienced?

Here are a few thoughts.

How great couples make their marriage soar: Let differences work for them. All couples are made with two different people. No two people in the world are just alike. And after working with hundreds of couples, I’m convinced opposites often do attract.

But great couples learn to build upon those differences. They build upon each other’s strengths and let each other minimize their weaknesses. “Two are better than one”— the author of Ecclesiastes says—and great couples live this truth.

Extend grace for the minor annoyances. Can we just be honest? People do stuff that gets on our nerves at times. That’s true of all of us, even with the people—maybe even especially with the people—we love the most. Great couples have learned not to let those little things distract from the major things—like love and commitment.

Serve each other. There are no 50-50 splits of responsibility in a great marriage. Great couples learn to sacrificially serve one another.

In the best relationships, it would be difficult to judge who serves one another more. There may be times one gives 100 percent, because the

each other. Both partners open themselves up

making the marriage great—for any of these

other can’t give anything. And there are other

to the other person completely.

to work. There are some people who would

times the other spouse gives 100 percent. And

Publicly support each other. Great couples

give anything to make a great marriage, but

neither complains when it’s their turn to give all.

are supportive of each other in public. They

they are the only part of the couple trying. I

Prioritize their time. Great couples spend

don’t tear each other down in public. They

get that. A one-sided commitment won’t work

handle private issues in private.

when attempting to bond two people into one

time together. Life is busy for all of us. These couples schedule time together. They find

Keep no record of wrongs. Great couples

things to do that each of them enjoy. And they

learn to forgive. There aren’t any lingering

say no to other things that would keep them

issues that haven’t been resolved.

from having adequate time together.

Keep no secrets. There are no hidden issues among great couples. They are vulnerable with

I feel the need to emphasize that I’m writing these with the understanding that it takes two people—both committed to

great couple.

But when two people are willing to work hard, a great marriage is within reach. For all of us.

We are working toward the great marriage.

Who is with us?

September 2014 | 17

why “pks waLk

away From church”

By Dale Hudson

K

aty Perry is currently the highest profile PK that has gone awry. In a recent interview, she said she is no longer a Christian and doesn't believe in

heaven, hell or "an old man sitting on a throne."

Katy represents a host of PKs who

have struggled with their faith. Recent stats from Barna research say that ...

40 percent have gone through a period where they significantly questioned their faith.

33 percent are no longer active in church.

7 percent no longer consider themselves Christians.

What causes this? Pastors who were asked answered: 28 percent—unrealistic expectations were placed on them.

18 percent—negative experiences in church.

17 percent—father or mother is too busy at church to spend time with them.

14 percent—faith not modeled at home.

9 percent—influence of friends or peers.

What pastors say they've done best in raising their kids: 37 percent—introduced them to Christ and maintained a Bible-focused home.

21 percent—spent time with them and supported them.

12 percent—loved them.

10 percent—taught them good values.

9 percent—allowed them to make their own choices and be themselves.

What pastors say they wish they had done better:

18 | September 2014

42 percent—had spent more time with their kids.

8 percent—wish they had been more understanding.

5 percent—wish they had given them more Bible teaching.

19 percent—no regrets, wouldn't change anything.

I have a special place in my heart for kids

I made a personal choice to follow

Love them. They are just like the other kids

Christ, and my faith became my own.

in your ministry. They want to know you care

I came to Christ when I was a young

about them, not because of who their father is,

child. It was a very real experience that

but because of who they are as an individual.

I can still remember to this day. When I

Let them be kids. They are not perfect.

was in high school, God began to speak

They are going to misbehave at times and

to me about being a pastor myself.

make mistakes Don't say, "You should

My parents had never asked me about being a pastor. In fact, they had mentioned several

know better. You are the pastor's kid!" This places unrealistic expectations on them.

Don't mistreat their parents. When you talk

who are PKs because I am one. I grew up

times I should consider being a school teacher.

to serve the Lord and live for Him. Looking

And I had personally told God I would never be

about the pastor or cause strife in the church,

back, here are a few reasons why ...

a pastor. Yes, I would be faithful to church and

you not only bring hurt to him, you hurt his

serve Him ... but not working for a church.

kids as well. Even if they don't know the details

My parents practiced what they preached. I could argue with what they

But when God calls .. .you have to make

(hopefully their parents are protecting them

believed, but I couldn't argue with how

a choice. You can say "yes" or you can

from the negative side of church), they sense

they lived what they believed.

walk away from His will for your life. After

when there is strife and division in the church.

My dad and mom spent time with me.

My dad spent hours with me in the backyard practicing pitching with me when I was in

struggling for months, I made the choice to say "yes" to God's plan for my life.

I said that to say this. At the end of

Pour into their lives. Just because their father is the pastor doesn't mean they don't need other people to teach them, mentor

Little League. When I got into high school

the day, each person must decide for

them and speak into their lives. Yes, my

and played basketball, he was there in the

themselves if they will follow Christ or not.

parents were my primary spiritual influence,

stands cheering for me. My mom poured

Yes, godly parents do make a difference

but there were also lots of godly leaders who

her life into me, always there for me.

and help cultivate the soil, but they cannot

poured into my life over the years. They all

make the decision for their child.

had a part in my decision to follow Christ.

I was able to see past the negative side of ministry. Yes, there are negative sides

Do I blame Katy Perry's parents for the

Don't place unrealistic expectations on their

to ministry. Sheep bite, and people are not

road she has chosen? No. She picked this

father that causes him to be gone from home

perfect. At times, there are politics. The church

path. I could have just as easily chosen

all the time. Help protect their father's time.

is made up of people. People who struggle and

to go down a path away from God.

They need a father at home just like other kids.

have weaknesses like we all do. But I was able to see past that and see the bigger picture.

If your pastor has kids in your children's ministry, I want to encourage you to ...

Don't contribute to them resenting the church because it took their father away all the time.

September 2014 | 19

seveN warNiNgs

to Church Leaders on Social Media

I

f you are a church and/or Christian

or scrub regretful things you have said on

leader on social media, please heed the

social media, but, more times than not,

following warnings. This information

the information can still be retrieved. And

is pertinent whether you are paid or

countless people take screen shots the

volunteer, serving in a church or some other Christian organization.

By Thom Rainer

You can be misunderstood often on social

Those of you who read my blog or

media. The readers or viewers usually cannot

listen to my podcasts know I am a strong

see your body language. They don’t know your

proponent of Christian leaders utilizing

humor or sarcasm. If you have any question

social media. I have seen so many good

about something you will post, don’t post it.

things take place on the various platforms

Emoticons are not sufficient to soften what

available. I have seen the gospel clearly

you have posted. In fact, emoticons are so

shared and embraced on social media.

ubiquitous now that many readers ignore them.

But social media is a two-edged sword.

Attacks on other people’s character or

It can be used for good or great harm. And it

positions are considered cowardly by many.

can harm the ministries of those in Christian

The reader or the viewer typically sees the

leadership. So, whether your platform is a

person writing the information as one who

blog, Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, LinkedIn,

hides behind a keyboard or microphone.

Google Plus or many others, please note

They wonder if the writer would have the

these seven warnings. Indeed, it is my prayer

courage to say the same things in person.

that you will heed these seven warnings.

20 | September 2014

moment they see something unwisely posted.

Too many Christian leaders are posting

Consider anything you say on social

on social media in the heat of emotional

media to be permanent. Yes, you can delete

moments. If you are angry or otherwise

You might be surprised how many people

agitated, take a 24-hour break from social

remember, at the risk of being redundant,

media. If not, you may regret it later.

most of the words or photos or videos you

are watching you on social media. And

Churches and other Christian organizations

have posted are permanently recorded.

you might be surprised how many people

are checking social media of Christian leaders.

The non-Christian world is watching

have been hurt and angered by Christian

It has become more commonplace for

Christians attack each other on social media.

leaders on social media. You might also

churches and Christian organizations to do a

Our Christian witness is compromised

be surprised how many gospel-sharing

social media background check of potential

again and again by our social media actions.

opportunities have been forfeited by

candidates. And I recently conversed with a

When we say or write scathing attacks on

unwise things posted on social media.

pastor who was fired from his church because

others, nonbelievers see us as hypocritical,

of something he posted on Facebook. And

inconsistent and unworthy of emulating.

Be wise. Be gracious. Be kind. And be Christ-like.

September 2014 | 21

“From shame to change�

move from merely apologizing about its racially motivated past to actually repenting of it.

Most of the denominations that exist in Christianity were either formed with racial motivations at its root or the denomination rejected other races forcing them to organize their own denomination or convention.

Whether it's the Southern Baptist who were formed because Baptist in the North and

By Bishop Jerry Hutchins

South clashed on the issue of slavery, to the United Methodist Church who apologized to its Black constituents after many had fled from the organization due to racism, to the

Black leaders for the funeral of the Black teen

Scripture: 2 Chronicles 7:14

Church of God, the Assemblies of God, etc.

who was killed while the Whites gather at

There is only one time in Scripture when

Many of these denominations or conventions

another location and raise almost half a million

God promises to heal the land. That one time is

have apologized for their racial discriminations

dollars to support the white police officer,

a conditional promise and the conditions are:

and a number are making great strides in

race becomes the central focus - not justice.

(1) His people (those called by His name) would

the right direction. We all agree that we

humble themselves (2) pray (3) seek His face

can do more and God will heal the land.

(4) turn from their wicked ways (repent). The

Apology says "we did it and we are ashamed

Are there areas in your personal life that you have apologized for but have not yet repented?

Until shame matures to change, shame will

recent Ferguson, Missouri situation is another

of it." Repentance says "we did it and not only

repeat itself. Apology frees the victimizer from

of the many proofs that the land needs healing.

are we ashamed, but we are willing to change."

the shame of their act. Repentance frees the

The antidote does not rest in the hands of the

The racial divide that we see in Ferguson is

victim from the fear of it being done again.

government, community, rallies, or protest. The

another demonstration of the church in its

God's healing is not promised because we

antidote lies in the Church and its willingness to

shame. When a Missouri Church fills with

apologize. It is promised when we repent.

22 | September 2014

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