Black & Magazine|September 2018 by blackandmagazine

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Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity First of All, Servants of All, We Shall Transcend All

Munching At Monello

Omar Luigi Henry Talks Caribbean, Diversity and Cooking

Something About that Black Xpression

Jazmin & Chida Present Much Needed Conversations About Love in “Learning How to Love” Workshop Series

How to Deal with Disappointments

Life With More Celebrating the Budding Family

Wine & Recap

A Moroccan Outdoor Design

Being Bold In Fall

Back To School Best Backpacks in the Game

Dirt Don’t Hurt

How to Get Ahead Financially, Even When You Don’t Make Much

EDITOR & CHIEF CHIDA REBECCA PUBLISHER REBECCA & CO.

CREATIVE DIRECTION & DESIGN JAINKARAN.COM

CONTRIBUTING FASHION EDITOR DIRECTOR OF PHOTOGRAPHY BRANDON S. JOHNSON

DEAN HALL

LEAD MAKEUP ARTIST ASHLI TAYLOR

CONTRIBUTORS CHIDA REBECCA DEAN HALL DR. CAROLLE JEAN-MURAT, MD BRANDON S. JOHNSON

Â© 2018 BLACK & MAGAZINE PUBLISHED BY REBECCA & CO. SEND LETTERS TO THE EDITOR TO : PUBLISHER@BLACKANDMAGAZINE.COM WWW.BLACKANDMAGAZINE.COM INSTAGRAM: @BLACKANDMAGAZINE TWITTER: @BLACKANDMAG FACEBOOK: @BLACKANDMAGAZINE

CONTRIBUTING PHOTOGRAPHER ISIAH JONES

publisher’s letter

consider myself a person that loves diversity. I appreciate all that God has created in us. When I created Black & Magazine it was for the soul purpose of enhancing all that is beautiful within my community. For decades, Black Americans have experienced all levels of degradation. The effects have seeped into our thinking, how we perceive ourselves, and ultimately how we treat one another. When I was a little girl, I had “Rudy Huxtable” hair. It was huge, soft and puffy. I went to a predominantly white school where the kids always wanted to touch my hair and would at times even tease me because it didn’t look like theirs. I came home in tears one day begging my parents to do something about my hair. I couldn’t stand to leave it in puffy ponytails another day. I would even go as far as to put a hooded jacket on my head and swing it around pretending that the body of the jacket was my long flowing blond hair. My mother and father had to talk to me and quickly, constantly affirming my beauty as a little brown girl, and that the features that children saw in me were features God made and that they were special.

When I see a beautiful Black woman who doesn’t know she’s beautiful because most of her life, mainstream media has instilled in her what America’s standard of beauty is, my heart aches. From being ashamed of having kinky hair, to desiring lighter skin. these acts pain me to no end.

In celebrating our stories, and successes, I don’t ever want anyone to feel as if this publication is designed to take away from another ethnic group. I don’t believe being “pro” Black should mean being “anti” anyone else. This magazine is shining a light into the greatness that lies within San Diego’s Black community, on a platform that wasn’t there for us before. If you are not an African American person, it doesn’t mean you can’t learn something about us from within these pages. Black & Magazine is intended to place us on the same platforms that were created for others. Out of the dozens of publications and media outlets in San Diego, it’s a rare occurrence when you see a Black person headlining a magazine or newspaper’s pages or being featured at the top of the hour on television. So with this in mind, do we wait to be highlighted, and continue to work hard to become valid to those outlets, or do we create our own, where we’re all beautiful and important? Everyone has a story. Everyone has an experience that others can learn from. From Black to Brown, to White to Yellow - we are all significant. Down the road, I’ll dive into more diverse offerings, but for now I’m simply taking the time to celebrate Black men and Black women - supplying positive images and positive stories. Beloved, I wish above all things that you may prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers.

CHIDA REBECCA PUBLISHER

Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity First of All, Servants of All, We Shall Transcend All

BLACK & SOCIAL

Staff Writer

The Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity is the first intercollegiate Greekletter fraternity established for African American men. Founded at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, the fraternity was established to create a strong bond of brotherhood amongst Black in this country. The brainchild of seven men known as the “Jewels”, Henry Arthur Callis, Charles Henry Chapman, Eugene Kinckle Jones, George Biddle Kelley, Nathaniel Allison Murray, Robert Harold Ogle, and Vertner Woodson Tandy. Alpha Phi Alpha initially served as “a study and support group for minority students who faced racial prejudice, both educationally and socially, at Cornell.” While they’ve been making strides on a national level as a first class fraternity, since December 4, 1906, San Diego’s local chapter has some jewels of its own, with the local chapter being founded January 27, 1957.

BLACK & SOCIAL

“The Mission of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. is to, “develop leaders, promote brotherhood and academic excellence, while providing services and advocacy for our communities. The vision for our Fraternity and Chapter is to stimulate the ambition of its members; to prepare them for the greatest usefulness in the causes of humanity, freedom, and dignity of the individual; to encourage the highest and noblest form of manhood; and to aid downtrodden humanity in its efforts to achieve higher social, economic and intellectual status,” shared Bill Gillespie, the Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity Inc., Zeta Sigma Lambda Chapter President. With approximately 60 members in the local chaaspter, it is extremely active. “Throughout the year the San Diego Chapter of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity plans a number of community outreach programs and events to realize the fraternity’s national programs and special projects,” Gillespie shared.

The local activities include: Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade “The purpose of the San Diego Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade is to unite the San Diego community by, celebrating the life and legacy of a man who brought hope and healing to America. This parade strives to collectively inspire and refocus our energies to help the less fortunate. An event of this magnitude requires ‘all able Brothers’ plus hundreds of volunteers to successfully execute. Most of our nearly 60 members, who are physically able, volunteer for the event. It’s particularly inspirational to see our older Brothers in their 70’s and 80’s volunteer to help. Many of our prominent professionals: doctors, lawyers, engineers, dentist, judges, businessmen et. al. unpretentiously pick up trash along the parade route.

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Martin Luther King Jr. Day Parade Pageant “The pageant’s purpose is to showcase the talents of the youth from San Diego’s high schools. Candidates are encouraged to participate in a series of educational and cultural seminars, and are presented to the community in a formal attire at the pageant talent event. Candidates are judged and selected to the MLK Jr. Day Parade’s Royal Court at the pageant. The bases of their selection is talent (performance arts musical, dance, acting, oratory etc.), writing acumen and answering questions abilities. The Royal Court members perform and are recognized at the MLK Jr. Education Breakfast celebration with the San Diego colleges and universities. The Royal Court is of course also honored in the annual MLK Day Parade. The Chapter also partners with the lovely ladies of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. Alumnae Chapter in San Diego in planning and organizing the Pageant.”

Go–To–High School, Go–To– College

“The National Fraternity’s ‘Go-to-High-School, Go-to-College’ program, established in 1922, concentrates on the importance of completing secondary and collegiate education as a road to advancement. Statistics prove the value of this extra impetus in making the difference in the success of young African American men, given that school completion is the single best predictor of future economic success. Through the Go-to-High-School, Go-to-College educational initiative, young men receive information and learn strategies that facilitate success. Alpha men provide youth participants with excellent role models to emulate.”

March of Dimes Walk-America “San Diego Alphas Brothers, their families and friends participate annually in the March of Dimes “March for Babies” 5K Walk fundraiser. The walk is usually held on the fourth Saturday in April at Balboa Park. Although the goal is to raise funds in support of birth defect research and improving premature babies birth care, the brothers enjoy the camaraderie and sense accomplishment when helping others. This year we were the top Alpha Chapter donor in Southern California.”

San Diego Veterans’ Stand Down “San Diego Alpha Brothers, their families and friends participates and donate in the annual San Diego Veterans Stand Downs in honor of their late Fraternity Brother John A. Smith III’s relentless and compelling advocacy for Veterans in San Diego.”

Voter Education/ Registration Program "A Voteless People Is A Hopeless People" “ ‘A Voteless People is a Hopeless People’ " was initiated as a National Program of Alpha during the 1930's when many African-Americans had the right to vote but were prevented from voting because of poll taxes, threats of reprisal, and lack of education about the voting process. Voter education and registration has remained a dominant focus of this outreach activity for over 65 years. In the 1990's, the focus has shifted to include political awareness and empowerment, delivered most frequently through town meetings and candidate forums. San Diego Alphas conducts Voters’ Registrations Drives and invites local political candidates to speak at various venues.

TELL EVERYONE YOU CAN TO REGISTER TO VOTE, AND VOTE. REMEMBER, A VOTELESS PEOPLE IS TRULY A HOPELESS PEOPLE.

BLACK & SOCIAL

Project Alpha The March of Dimes and Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. began collaboratively implementing Project Alpha in 1980. Designed to provide young men in our community with current and accurate information about teenage pregnancy prevention, Project Alpha consists of a series of workshops and informational sessions conducted by Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity brothers. The three goals of Project Alpha programs are: • Sharing knowledge by combating ignorance and fear with factual information. • Changing attitudes by providing motivation toward positive changes in sexual behavior. • Providing skills by creating a sense of empowerment and self-esteem

Brother’s Keeper Program “Brother’s Keeper is a service program developed with the mission of advocating for and improving the quality of life for Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. brothers, their spouses, and widows who are retired, are elders, have disabilities and are ailing. Upon identification of need, the Brother’s Keeper Program also provides assistance to mature and ailing members of its communities. Limitations caused by advanced age place demands on family members, caregivers, and the larger community to ensure that elders remain independently functional. The goal of the Brother’s Keeper Program is to promote dignity and independence among Alpha family and community members who need help in keeping their lives and homes functional.” While the Alpha Phi Alpha experience is vast, a few of local gentlemen shared what fraternity life has been for them.

for scholarships for all youth; further, the local chapter has been a long time sponsor of the Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Parade and its pageant; and many other things too numerous to mention. The local chapter has been recognized as one of the mostoutstanding organizations in San Diego by the local chapter of the NAACP.

Doc Anthony Anderson III I became a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity in 1967 at Tuskegee Institute (now Tuskegee University) located in Tuskegee Alabama. I became attracted to the fraternity atthe time simply because Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a member. Growing up in a small town in Alabama I clearly understood what Dr. King was all about – service to mankind and the uplifting of his people. As I looked into and researched the goals of Alpha, I found Dr. King’s goals were the same as the fraternity’s goals. It was no doubt that, among other things, I had, like Dr. King, to associate with and become a member of the fraternity. That decision has, and is, one of the best and most important decisions of my life. Since joining the fraternity I have endeavored to instill and make a part of my life’s work the goals of Dr. King and the fraternity. After coming to San Diego, and thereafter earning a law degree, I have become actively involved in organizations that unselfishly give back to the community expecting nothing in return. That includes being actively involved with the local bar associations, the ACLU, the Legal Aid Society of San Diego, as well as other nonprofit organizations. What has been most especially important and rewarding is my work with the local chapter of the fraternity, Zeta Sigma Lambda. The work of the local chapter is unsurpassed by any other organization. Zeta Sigma Lambda is well known for its achievements with working with and encouraging young AfricanAmerican males to stay in and achieve in high school and to go on to college; the local chapter provides numerous opportunities

BLACK & SOCIAL

I can truly say that I am extremely proud to be a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc.

Donald Long Area Director I, Don Long, am the current Area Director for San Diego and Pacific. The “Area” includes the local chapter - Zeta Sigma Lambda well as the chapters in Hawaii and Seoul, South Korea. I have held several offices in Zeta Sigma Lambda including serving as the President. In the Western Regional Organization, I have served as the Chair of three committees involving membership, awards, and education. I have been involved and engaged in all of the Chapter projects and functions for several years. The fraternity, for me, is an organization of mostly African American men, dedicated to serving the community within the framework of a unique “Bond of Brotherhood.” The Brotherhood is far reaching to the extent we work together to support the communities where chapters are located. The bonding is important in that we support each other academically, professionally and socially.

Kenneth Barnes I, Kenneth Barnes, was provided the opportunity to enter the brotherhood of ALPHA PHI ALPHA ((ΑΦΑ)) Fraternity, a group of high character, change agents who committed to the lifelong pursuit of instilling in themselves and others that through selfimprovement individually and collectively one can leave a legacy of community improvements, in the mature years of my life. I became a member of Zeta Sigma Lambda (ZSL) chapter of (ΑΦΑ) in the Fall of 1987. The Fraternity has a proud history of examples of men doing extraordinary things through sheer grit, determination and perseverance. Through wise counsel and association of peers, excellent character traits are acquired in the body of men by the accumulated confident from years of doing the right thing, repeatedly even when we don’t feel like it. We learn that the choices we make makes us into one kind of persons or another. I have served as a foot soldier in the ranks of Alpha Phi Alpha, Inc., in support of ZSL chapter, and the (ΑΦΑ) National Organization’s goals, programs and events such as; Mentorship/Scholarship – Continued Academic Excellence Program (CAEP) - Martin Luther King Jr. Parade - Martin Luther King Jr. Pageant - San Diego Sheila Hardin Multicultural Festival - Veterans Stand-down, Holiday Ball Gala, Padres Fundraising, and Big Brothers/Sisters of America, etc., My professional development included acquisition of a BA in management at Le Moyne-Owen College and National University and pursuit of master’s degree courses at the US Army Corps of Engineering, San Diego State, UCLA, and University of Cincinnati.

I retired as Master Chief Petty Officer Data Processing (E-9), a forerunner of IT specialist, in the U.S. Navy; managed multisite computer centers; lead instructor/ curriculum developer of computer programming and system analysis and design courses; managed a district Alcohol & Drug Counseling and Assistance Center (CAAC); retired owner multi-site restaurant and catering operations in the cities of San Diego, Lemon Grove and Spring Valley, California; served as a member of ASWAN Hall Corporation management team, a catering and ethnic food manufacturing operation in National City, California; served as a board member of Global Business Incubation, Inc., a research and business development organization; and retired as a Contracting Officer representative (COR) with the County of San Diego.

Reginald Marbray, Chapter Vice President Zeta Sigma Lambda to me is an ultimate vehicle to support the San Diego community. We have college educated professionals from multiple backgrounds, but all come together for manly deeds, scholarship and love for all mankind. The make-up of the alumni chapter is naturally setup to mentor younger individuals/students as we all have situations that they can learn from. We all can mentor them towards education and the desire to obtain higher education. Many of our members have families so we have a number of personal family situations that allow us to strive for common goals.

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Local Chapter Officers are: President - Bro. William Gillespie, Colonel USMC retired Vice President…………….Bro. Reginald Marbray Recording Secretary………Bro. Reginald N. Jones, LtJG USN Treasurer………………….Bro. Arthur DeCuir Corresponding Secretary… Bro. Isaac Ford, Jr. Master Gunnery Sergeant, USMC retired Financial Secretary……….Bro. Thomas Van Chaplain…………………Bro. Rev. J. Lee Hill, Jr. PhD. Historian………………….Bro. Victor Parks Intake Coordinator………..Bro. Curtis Price PhD. Associate Editor of the Sphinx…Bro. Doc Anthony Anderson III, Esq. Director of Educational Activities……………Bro. Jason Allen, PhD Sergeant-at-Arms……………………Bro. Clarence Wine, Jr. Parliamentarian……………………Bro. Thomas Hughes, Esq

For more information on the fraternity, visit www.alpha-zsl.org

BLACK & SOCIAL

Munching At Monello By Dean Hall

San Diego, considering its location, has quite a few great selections for Italian cuisine. Monello has definitely raised the bar for authenticity as well as overall experience. It’s a wonderfully designed space with Milan referenced artwork, gorgeous plants, and a menu that’s out of this world! Most recently, they’ve launched a new concept for lunch. It’s called Italian Street Food which is the idea of window ordering and receiving gourmet style food in a faster time for the lunch. Simply brilliant and a great response to how we as a culture are changing our dining habits. Diving right in with the fritti from fryer trio, panzerotti, calamari, and arancini. Each coming in a super stylish newspaper box with the tastiest of sauces. I mean all three were equally delicious and the portions spot on. The follow up dish of two cheesy square cut slices of pizzetta. A pepperoni and a black truffle with cremini mushrooms, yup you know those pieces were divine. Nothing gets me more excited than a cheese wheel! Ragu and smoked beef being tossed around with such finesse in the cheese wheel to create a bold and delectable dish. Ughhhhhh it was so damn good!!! In keeping with the beef theme I opted for the burger. Smoked beef and fried eggplant parmigiana on the softest of buns. Seriously, this burger is a game changer and can even be enjoyed without the beef for my vegetarians readers. While the entrees were definitely a tough act to follow the dessert was no shrinking violet. Chocolate and vanilla gelato accompanied by a phenomenal panna cotta with fresh berries and almonds. So if you’re looking for the perfect lunch escape there’s no place that does it better than Monello!

CLICK HERE FOR TICKET PURCHASE

BLACK & SOCIAL

OMAR LUIGI HENRY TALKS CARIBBEAN, DIVERSITY & COOKING By Chida Rebecca

Life usually births a few moments to us where we can associate a great memory with food. Whether it was Big Momma making the Thanksgiving meal, or a time out with close friends, the warmth of great food can heighten an everyday occurence into an extremely special one, and ripple into a multitude of great memories for years on end. It was memorable moments like these that proved to Omar Luigi Henry that cooking great meals was going to be an artform he’d take on for a lifetime. But don’t you dare call him a Chef. He prefers Professional Cook.

A native of the Caribbean, Henry made his way to San Diego through the Navy. After receiving continuous orders for San Diego, he ended up making it his home. “Being close to the Hispanic, French and Dutch culture, I always met a lot of different people and was able to relate,” and the diversity of the local experience reminded him of home.”I’m all about culture.” Growing up, Henry spent a lot of time on the French side of the island. “Every Saturday I’d go to the market with my grandmother, and I’d always see what she’d buy. I’d always look at what she was doing in the kitchen, and found myself looking at the textures and how she prepared the food. But I got more of the hands on with my mom.” While most kids are usually outside playing, Henry couldn’t help but be fascinated by the activity in the kitchen. What made him keep coming back in the house and avoiding play time? “It was a lot of emotion in it for me. Food always brought us together. Everything I could think of emotionally back then, as a man now, I can see revolved around food. Whenever we had family gatherings it was food, whenever I was sad, it was food. Everything was made with love. They didn’t just put something in front of you, it was put together with so many things that made you whole. I loved the way I felt.” Henry started cooking more when he was on his own, and it brought him back to that place. “This was what I wanted to do, this is where I want to go,” he realized.

BLACK & SOCIAL

While dining has its sentimental value, in the immediate U.S., Henry believes the act of cooking and dining has become more of a extracurricular activity. “One of the biggest things I’ve noticed, after living here for a number of years is that I started to see people lose a sense of who they are in their culture - and food plays a huge role whether we notice it or not. That’s who we are. That emotion ties into that. How many times have you had something that reminds you of your childhood? Even the morals and values, people are forgetting to pass that along to their kids [such as] ‘this is where you’re from - this is who you are’. Everyone wants everything quick. It’s that instant gratification. No one wants to take that time to put that love into [food]. What you put in is what you get out. Everyone wants to run to McDonald’s and the Taco Shop, but you still have to go back to your roots. Your roots is what builds you up and makes you strong.” Henry likes to remind people that dinner and family is a place where you start talking about life and everything that’s happening. “Lack of that is where you begin to lose morals and values.” While he has worked in restaurants, Henry has opted to pour his talents into his own catering company, which offers him an opportunity for limitless expression . “When I do catering, I want to get to know you as a person, and how you see something, because I want to put that on the plate. Everything has to do with the setting and atmosphere, even the drink. I just try to get everything in tune with the client.” Even though he’s a year and a half into his catering business, he says things are going well, and he’s always making time for discovery in the foods that he prepares.

BLACK & SOCIAL

Being from the Caribbean has afforded Henry diverse experiences, and has played a strong role in his position as a professional cook. He shared how a lack of cultural experiences can negatively impact a person and how a lot of his appreciation for diversity is thanks in part to the experiences he had as child, because of his mother. “Lack of culture keeps you closed minded. As a kid my mom took us everywhere. From Puerto Rico in the summers, to Christmas in Martinique to Curacao. We went all over the Caribbean. Before here, I went to Italy, Paris and Holland. St.Maarten is a melting pot of ethnicity. Once that first trip hits, you’re going back. You get more wisdom and you understand cultures a lot more easily. A lot of people think the U.S. is big, but it really isn’t. It’s small.” Just how his mother exposed him, Henry believes that it’s a parent’s duty to show their kids the world. “It’s going to enhance who they’re going to be. It helps them get along with others.” He recalls when he first arrived San Diego, people assumed that because he was from the Caribbean, they lived in huts. “They don’t know.” To ensure his offspring are exposed properly,he says that if God blesses him with children, when they graduate from high school they’ll have two options. “You can either go to college, anywhere you want to go, Europe wherever, or you can travel the world for two years on my dime, and understand the world. Get an education that way.” Because of his diverse upbringing and experiences, Henry speaks, English, Dutch, French and a little Spanish. “I’ve realized over the years, knowing more languages increases your opportunities.” In addition to the few he knows, he says he wants to add the Russian and Japanese languages to his list. In the future, Henry plans to incorporate travel into his cooking experiences so that people can learn more about the roots of the varieties of foods he’ll offer.

When asked if he loves to teach, in addition to learning, Henry emphatically responded with a “YES! Everyone should know how to make the basic things. A decent breakfast, a decent lunch, a decent meal and a decent sandwich,” but when discussing the makings of a sandwich, Henry says the flavor profile of a sandwich is important. “There are a lot of different things to it. It’s not just a sandwich.It has to be the right ratio of everything. It’s an experience. ” Get to know and experience Omar Luigi Henry for yourself through his social media accounts, and be sure to get him on the books for your next catered event. Black & Magazine had a personal tasting of some of his favorite dishes and the outcome was phenomenal!

Here’s what we had and the ingredients: - Scallop Carpaccio • Ginger • Chive • Olive oil • Lime juice • Kosher salt and white pepper - Spicy Shrimp Polenta • Pimento cheese • Bacon • Garlic chili paste • Parsley • Lime juice - Cream Tart • Almond sable dough • Mousseline • Edible gold dust • Edible flowers

BLACK & SOCIAL

Something About that Black Xpression

Staff Writer

BLACK & SOCIAL

After a week of slaving a 9-5, most folks can’t wait to get to a place where they can unwind, laugh and enjoy the company of others. A place where they can move without restriction - a place where they can express themselves. Black Xpression is a community-based platform created in order to "Xpress" what individuals are passionate about. Kovu, a co-owner, shares that Black Xpression was designed to “simply cultivate an environment in which the groundwork for a self sustaining community can thrive in all aspects. Be it business, art, mental health or otherwise.” Kovu says he was invited to a show by Ronald Williams and Sakea Martin. From spoken word, to song and dance, Black Xpression offers a complete experience, and Jordan liked what he saw. “I decided the first night that this was something that needed to stay around so I linked with Ronald behind the scenes to kind of make sure that it did. After assisting on the financial side and planning I officially came on as an owner a couple months in. One night something happened at a show that made me put the other things I was working on to the side and say this is where I’m supposed to be,” and that was it. Kovu was hooked and dedicated to the cause. In addition to he and Williams who are from Milwaukee, a few others share leadership roles within the company. “Kyler Nathan IV of Los Angeles is our Xpress Ambassador, and Richeda Sinclair is our Lead Advisor on collegiate community engagement and event planning hailing from Atlanta Georgia with roots in Jamaica, Derric McKinney a San Diego native is our DJ, Jeff Devante also a San Diego native our co-host along with recent additions Phebe Boye founder of Afrique of Carson, Akil N Adisa of RAREsight Photography San Diego, SAAB President and Afrique Manager Aiyana Freeman of Southeast San Diego, and Montonio CEO of Zilla’s Monster Food Service.”

Black Xpression recently celebrated their 2 year anniversary, but Kovu says it feels like it’s been much longer, primarily due to the astronomical growth they’ve experienced from attendees and contributors alike. The response from the community has been extremely positive, but he says “the only downside being that the community wants us to do even more events and we’ve been listening. This year they’re in for a pleasant surprise,” he shared. Hosted inside of the La Bodega Gallery, located in the heart of Barrio Logan at 2196 Logan Avenue, the gallery yields an artistic feeling with pieces of art and spot lighting that drapes the walls. If you weren’t feeling artsy before, you’ll definitely feel it upon entering the venue.

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Black Xpression is more than a place to express oneself, but also a place where the community can come together to grow and heal. Kovu quoted Rakim saying, “Constant elevation causes expansion,” with this quote in mind he added “We intend on doing just that. Collaborations with other organizations to offer as many effective resources as well the knowledge to use those resources as possible.” When asked what he enjoys most about Black Xpression,Kovu simply said “The freedom those who attend can feel. The vulnerability and general care they show each other.We are also looking for and excited to work with more community collaborators,” Kovu concluded. ” Join them every Friday at 2196 Logan ave every Friday from 8pm -11pm. If you get lost you can follow them on Instagram @xpress_it or on Facebook @iwillxpress.

BLACK & LIVING

Jazmin&Chida Present Much Needed Conversations About Love in

“Learning How to Love” Workshop Series

JAZMIN&CHIDA

ove language is a huge part of any relationship, be it familial, romantic or friend. This month local Author and Self Care Advocate, Jazmin Steele, along with Black & Magazine Editor-in-Chief, Chida Rebecca are launching a “Learning How to Love” workshop/discussion series. During these sessions they’ll be diving into topics surrounding Self Love, Toxic Relationships, Healthy Relationships, and overall, how to ensure that you’re a whole and complete person, as an individual, before partnering up in a relationship with someone. A lot of times people tend to think its ok to go into a relationship broken, because there is an expectation that the other person will make them whole. Steele and Rebecca have navigated abusive marriages and toxic relationships and are currently thriving as single parents and entrepreneurs. They will talk about life after a traumatic relationship, forgiving yourself as well as the perpetrator and walking in your best days. During the series, a few of the sessions will focus specifically on Black Love, primarily because of the trauma that has hit the Black family and the relationships within them over the last few hundred years.

Be sure to put these dates on your calendar: October 20th “Learning How to Love a Black Woman” Panel

November 10th “Learning How to Love You - MEN only”

December 1st “Learning How to Love a Black Man” Panel

December 29th Culminating Event for Men & Women Follow Jazmin Steele on Social Media @loveincorruptible and Chida Rebecca @blackandmagazine . Locations will be disclosed upon ticket purchase.

BLACK & LIVING

HOW TO DEAL WITH DISAPPOINTMENTS Dr. Carolle Jean Murat

There’s no way to avoid disappointments in life, but there are good ways to cope with them. When we are disappointed in a major way, we usually go through the stages of grief, which include: shock, denial, anger, and sorrow. It doesn’t help when someone says, “Don’t worry, you’ll be okay.” The fact is, it hurts, and we must get through it. To move on, we cannot get stuck in disappointment. From personal experience, I know there are some things we can control and others we cannot. A major life lesson I have learned is, that when I expected something to happen and it didn’t, it most likely was not supposed to happen. Instead, I gained experiences on a different path that otherwise I would have missed… I studied and worked hard to become a doctor and a specialist. After many years, things changed in the medical profession. Managed care set in, and it seemed that how good a doctor I was did not matter as much as the financial “bottom line.” I was disappointed and even disillusioned. But I came to realize there was no way I could control the wave of change that was happening. I had to handle my disappointment and fall back on what I wanted when I decided to become a doctor, which was to care for those in need and to teach them how to empower themselves in all aspects of their lives. So I went down a different path and became a writer of articles and books on treating the whole human being as worthy of health in mind, body, and spirit. Through my writing, I’m accomplishing my original goals of healing and educating patients but in a different way. If I had enjoyed a successful medical practice,

as I originally planned, this article, the books already written, and those to be written, would not exist. Only a few patients would have had a chance to see me on a one-on-one basis. But with my books, blogs, podcasts, and Internet presence, I am reaching people all over the world, beyond my wildest dreams, now and for years to come. Erin has been dealing with fertility issues for over two years when she came for a one-on-one private retreat with me at my healing sanctuary. After trying to get pregnant on her own for one year, she went to a fertility specialist and had three intrauterine insemination – IUI procedures.She had just turned 34, and was afraid that her biological clock was ticking; the experience left her devastated. Every time she had a period, she felt like a failure and was disappointed with her body, herself, and life in general.

As time went by, her relationship with her husband – who now considered himself a sperm donor was deteriorating, the intimacy they previously had was falling by the wayside. While going through all this, she was having problems at work as well. And because of all the stress she was going through, she was having difficulty sleeping and her periods were becoming irregular – decreasing her chance of becoming pregnant even more so.

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The first thing she had to learn was to be still so her mind and body could rejuvenate. Being in a nurturing environment where she could let her guards down, she was able to sleep soundly for the first time in months. She finally understood that not having a baby when you want can be a disappointment, and how being stressed from not getting pregnant was making it even more challenging to get pregnant but was also effecting her overall health, her relationship with her husband, and her work. She learned about surrendering, how to de-stress mindfully, how all things unfold in divine order and how to trust that her mind and body will follow and let things happen - naturally. And it did! Her periods became regular, and three months later she was pregnant. She was performing so well at work that she got promoted to her dream position.

It’s the little steps that count when you’re getting through disappointments. Every morning, you are a different person; so don’t get discouraged because every day, and every little step counts. Know that one day you’ll look back with a clearer understanding of the benefits that have come from the experience and the struggle. It’s a matter of choosing your own perspective—how you think about what and why things didn’t work out the way you wanted.

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Dr. Carolle Jean-Murat, MD, FACOG is a board-certified Ob-Gyn, fertility specialist, and a gifted medical intuitive, energy and spiritual healer with over four decades of experience who has helped many dealing with fertility issues get pregnant naturally. She intuitively knows the underlying reasons why you’re not getting pregnant. You can use her services via telephone or you can spend time with her in her sacred garden in the Mount Helix area of San Diego, CA if you want to experience her healing in person. Contact: www.drcarolle.com drcarolle@cox.net

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Life With More Celebrating the Budding Family Staff Writer

Statistically, August has been seen as the time of year when the most babies are born. We are guessing that the winter holidays have a lot to do with conception - delivering complete bundles of joy. In this month’s issue, we chatted with families who’ve just received new additions to their households, asking them about life before and after, and any tips they’d like to offer those who are considering expanding their homes. Congratulations to the Edwards Family, the Henderson Family and the Harrison Family. Thank you for taking time out between naps, feedings and diaper changes to offer some advice to our readers!

Reddick and De’Kiyyah Edwards

B&M: How would you describe life/ marriage before the children came? De’Kiyyah: We definitely had more time

for dating, traveling, and excursions that didn’t warrant considering if the location was kid friendly. Even going to church is difficult one because of the commute and just the managing one two young children during church doesn’t always sound reasonable.

B&M: What was the hardest adjustment to make after baby #1? De’Kiyyah: For me personally - sleeping. I am

sure transitioning back to work and us managing two different daycare drop offs and pick ups, and getting back into my personal retreats (gym, massages, community work, etc.)

B&M: What are some things you had to do to preserve your marriage (i.e. dating each other) so that you wouldn’t be pulled by life’s responsibilities and lose sight of the relationship?

De’Kiyyah:This is a continuous work

in progress. We sometimes celebrated anniversaries/birthdays during the day while our first child was at daycare or watched by my mother. Occasionally, we met for lunch during the work week. Day time dates cover the baby sitting issue.

B&M: What comprises occurred, if any? De’Kiyyah:Mothers make

compromises that are simply too many to list. One major compromise is to nurse which comes with its own added schedule and that requires mom to be more attached to the baby, than dad, around the clock.

B&M: Did you plan for baby #2/3? De’Kiyyah:Yes, and the first baby was planned as well. Definitely two different experiences lol

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B&M: Has life gotten easier with two/three children? De’Kiyyah:We are 3 weeks postpartum with a

2yr old so we still have not gotten into a set groove. It has not gotten easier as one of us are constantly addressing the needs of one of the kids especially since the oldest is just barley 2

B&M: What are some tips you can offer to couples just getting their family started? De’Kiyyah:Discuss a plan but don't become

obsessed with it working the way you hoped. The delivery and sleep/eating schedule of babies can be nothing like you planned once here. Take shifts so sleep is shared across Mom and Dad. Check in with one another to see how the other is doing. Take initiative. Accept help from others. Check into the waitlist for daycare six months in advance at least.

B&M: What are some things you may have gone overboard with that you've discovered weren't really necessary when it came to baby purchases or baby advice? De’Kiyyah:I didn’t go overboard on any purchase.

Maybe in hovering over him (lol). A recommendation I would offer is the assumption of diaper sizes. It’s more work to go back and exchange diapers when you can just wait to see the size of the baby. Same with onesies. Your baby may be in newborn sizes and you only purchased sizes 0-3 which could be too big. Some things are better to wait until baby arrives.

B&M: With San Diego being an expensive city, how does a young couple plan for children? De’Kiyyah:For us, we had already put in the work

years prior so we knew we were in a good place before conception. I guess I would recommend discussing debt, savings, income, bills, etc and take a look at what’s going out/coming in. From there - plan and make goals. Look into how much insurance is, college fund, daycare, etc., and be realistic in what you can afford.

B&M: Do you have a lot of family support i.e. babysitting De’Kiyyah: My mother is my extended family support.

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Brandon and Starlette Harrison B&M: How would you describe life/ marriage before the children came?

us, communicate more about my feelings to her, and really address the fact that I was in autopilot at home and she was getting the Life/Marriage after children is a whirlwind. We got leftovers from me giving my energy to everyone married in November 2009 and had our 1st child else. It was a major adjustment because it made people realize I didn't have everything by September 2010 so life changed VERY fast for figured out, but it was a powerful turning point us. We dated a few years before marriage, but the beginning of our marriage was pregnancy. For in our marriage. I really had to buckle down me life changed because I saw how selfish I really and commit to being a great husband and father, and ask God to help career, ministry was. I had to learn how to really care for my wife work, community involvement and other and a new child very fast and I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really know personal aspirations to fall in place. We had to what that took. I also had to learn to care for recalibrate our home, our marriage our goals myself as well. and see who we were as a couple, and it has helped a lot. All is not perfect, but I realized my biggest responsibility in life is to be a child of B&M: What was the hardest adjustment God, husband and father, and then all else has to make after baby #1? fallen in place once I did the dirty work to get to that point. The biggest adjustment was the sleep. We had to learn to function at work with little to no sleep. Also I had to adjust saying no to a lot of people as B&M: What comprises occurred, if far as hanging out or making last minute plans. any? I had to adjust my finances as well. Diapers are VERY expensive and I did not realize how much There are daily compromises. We each can't financial adjustment I would have to make to look at something as just the wife's role or support a family of 3 after baby #1. just the husband's role. We have had to compromise and sometimes make lunches, do breakfast, wake up early with the kids, do B&M: What are some things you had to laundry. And it is not a score sheet, we just both do to preserve your marriage (i.e. dating have to compromise and get it done for the each other) so that you wouldn't be pulled well being of our home.

by life's responsibilities and lose sight of the relationship? As the husband and father, I had to make major adjustments to preserve our marriage. Life's responsibilities are so demanding and as a young husband, I knew how to handle the responsibilities outside the home, but I did not REALLY understand the true responsibility or being a real husband and father. For a while I lost sight of the relationship and tried to be everything to everybody at work and in ministry. As long as people thought our marriage was ok from the outside, I was fine. But it came to a point where I had to step down from ministry positions, do more at home, set consistent time/dates for

B&M: Did you plan for baby #2/3? All 3 were totally different experiences! We didn't really plan the 1st, but the other 2 were somewhat planned. They are all born within 3 weeks of each other, so that makes life fun in celebrating them all so close.

B&M: Has life gotten easier with two/ three children? Not at all. There is a lot of joy and laughter in our house, but it is not easier. Children are a blessing and now having 3 is a blessing, but definitely not easier.

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B&M: What are some tips you can offer to couples just getting their family started? HAVE PATIENCE WITH EACH OTHER. Your physical, mental, and financial life is about to change and you both will forever be adjusting to it. Don't assume your spouse will just be an amazing dad or mom, take classes together, read books and give each other grace. Having kids is a huge task, and it takes a solid team to make it all work. If you don't have patience with each other, those late nights and early mornings will get real old real quick. Things will happen with your kids in the early weeks that you don't expect, and you need to have patience with your spouse and make adjustments as things happen.

LEAN ON YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS Do not try and raise your kids all by yourself and think you are superman or superwoman. Everyone needs help. Don't be afraid to vocalize if you are struggling with getting dates in, taking naps, cooking, cleaning the house etc. Family is just a call away, and usually will help if asked.

PUT YOUR SPOUSE BEFORE YOUR KID What your kids need more than anything, is to see you and your spouse loving each other daily. You still need to invest in your spouse intentionally because kids will take ALL your attention and energy if you let them. The time goes by so fast, and if you are not careful, you will have great kids and a weak marriage. The kids need to see mom and dad on the same page in everything and that takes time and energy.

TRUST GOD Parenthood is the scariest hood out there! There is so much you will have no clue what to do and how to handle things especially as a young couple or parent. I am 30 years old, and now have 2 sons (8 & 4) and a 2 week old daughter and I still feel inadequate. If God does not show up in my house because of my prayers, I am not able to do it. We can get discouraged as new parents because we feel we are doing too much for one kid and not the other, we feel guilty for being at work when we are missing moments with our kids, we wish we could provide more for our kids etc. So many things I think about or stress about and in the end I have to trust God. On my own, I am not able to be the best dad my parents need, I need God's help EVERY SINGLE DAY.

B&M:What are some things you may have gone overboard with that youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve discovered werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really necessary when it came to baby purchases or baby advice? Clothes and shoes. The first few weeks the baby is growing so fast and at home a lot. So by the time they are out a lot and needing to wear clothes and shoes, they outgrew a lot of the newborn size shoes and clothes. The most important purchase in my opinion is getting diapers because you use maybe 8-10 a day. Clothes make the baby look cute, but you can do laundry and put the clothes on. No need to buy clothes for your baby yourself, let other people buy them at the baby shower. People love to buy clothes for the baby, but you need to have people buy diapers for the baby shower too lol!

B&M: With San Diego being an expensive city, how does a young couple plan for children? PRAY! And make smart financial moves. Every penny counts. Thankfully we bought a newer condo about 10 years ago when prices were low. But my biggest advice is to save up to buy a home. Because rent is way too high in San Diego and owning a home will help your growing family in the long run. Also talk as a couple what you are going to cut back on and what you will not cut back on. San Diego is very expensive but there are fun things you can do as a family that are free or affordable in San Diego. The library, parks, and the beach are great things to do as a family. But save up or ask family members to buy your kids zoo passes or Sea World passes for kids birthdays or Christmas instead of toys etc. Lastly, be realistic with your finances and don't try and impress people on social media with fancy cribs, or car seats, etc. If you need to get a used crib from a friend, don't be ashamed. We did that for our first child and it worked out fine. There is so much pressure from seeing other's parents in San Diego posting about their nursery, or their fancy stroller etc, but if you can't buy it just don't. The baby will be ok with a non name brand stroller.

B&M: Do you have a lot of family support i.e. babysitting Our family is such a HUGE help. They have helped with our kids so much and that is the main reason we are able to manage everything. We could not do it without the help of our family.

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B&M: Is there anything else you'd like to add? 1. Enjoy the journey of parenthood. The time goes fast. I feel our first son was just a baby now he is in 3rd grade. It is so crazy having a newborn again because it made me realize how much our 4 year old has grown up so fast too. Each day is tough with kids, but it is a beautiful journey. Our kids love us so much even though they give us a run for our money every day. They give us the best cuddles, keep us laughing, love school and are loving our growing family. 2. Pray for your kids daily. There is so much happening to our kids these days and so much they are exposed to. Raising 3 young Black children can be scary in a time like this, but I try and pray over them daily and at night. That God protects them, and orders their future. 3. Each kid is different, don't treat them the same. Find out your child's love language. I learned that my kids respond to me in totally different ways when I am showing love and correction as well. 4. Build up your child's confidence as a young Black boy or girl. Let them know they are beautiful, smart, unique, talented, funny etc. They may feel or see different images or shows about Black kids, and internalize it, but as a parent, reinforce that Black is strong, and intelligent, powerful and a great thing to be.

Deshawn and Cherrelle Henderson B&M: How would you describe life/ marriage before the children came? Cherrelle: Marriage and life was carefree

before kids came along. Not recklessly carefree but we could go without, eat Mexican food all week if we wanted to. Our marriage was and is great but now with kids we really became challenged with communication and I believe we had the opportunity to finally get to know our “real” selves, after the honeymoon phase faded.

Deshawn: There was no real pressure. No

life decisions like where you want to live, how live, and where you want to work have never been more daunting. I find that I need to be more calculated because I have mouths to feed.

B&M: What was the hardest adjustment to make after baby #1?

Deshawn: As a husband to a great wife and

mother, I would say its adjusting to your wife focusing on the baby rather than you like it was in the beginning. I have to admit, I used to get jealous.

B&M: What are some things you had to do to preserve your marriage (i.e. dating each other) so that you wouldn't be pulled by life's responsibilities and lose sight of the relationship? Cherrelle: Get sitters so we can date. Travel! Eat out! Pray. And pray some more. Wrote letters to one another. Of course intimacy any time we could! (That part is hard to do)

Deshawn: We just try to be creative. I try to flirt more as well. Even when Cherelle is in her house clothes. I want her to feel wanted and sexy no matter what.

Cherrelle: Sleeping and sleeping alone. Do

not let your baby sleep with you in the bed. It’s the hardest habit to break. Lol

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B&M:What comprises occurred, if any?

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Cherrelle: I think we compromised

our own desires. Not in a bad way. I think we compromised or own happiness (so to speak) in order to be supportive and compassionate about the other person. It sounds strange but ultimately we both made a decision early on that we wanted to do life together. We had a lot of self

discovery moments. Deshawn: Caring for our kids is number 1. I think we just try to share the load with one another. After being together for so long, we open to discovering who each other is and who they are becoming. When we do that. We recognize what the other person needs. Sometimes that means dialing things back on your end, at other times it means ramping things up.

B&M: Did you plan for baby #2/3? Cherrelle: Both children were not

planned lol AT ALL no planning and I am a planner in the flesh. After we found out we were pregnant again it was a very quiet pause. You could hear a pin drop. We weren’t happy campers at first but then we embraced the thought of another life coming into our world.

Deshawn: Nope!

But as followers of Jesus, it gave us an opportunity to trust in Him. I have to admit it's hard. But we are happy they will grow up together.

B&M: Has life gotten easier with two/three children Cherrelle: Nope.

LOL (we have 2 boys Myles 2 years old, and Avery 2 months old) that has to be a trick question?

Deshawn: Nah, I'm always tired. But the benefit to having two boys that are close in age is, we aren't out of practice with anything.

B&M: What are some tips you can offer to couples just getting their family started?

Cherrelle: Be ready to take the bull by the horns, it’s difficult but not impossible to raise children. • Support each other and listen to one another. • Learn to bite your tongue and choose your battles • Sit down and play with your children (bills, housework, etc is not going anywhere) • SLEEP when your children sleep • PRAY all the time and any chance you get. • COMMUNICATE it’s hard but it’s even harder not talking • Ask for help (even when you don’t want to) • Start saving your money and sacrifice unnecessary expenses. • DON’T LET YOUR KIDS SLEEP WITH YOU!! LOL

Deshawn: • I think it should start before you have them. Having kids is a lifetime commitment. Make sure you are with someone who is willing to commit to you and the kids for a lifetime. • Plan, plan, plan!!! (Save money, decide who will babysit, pray, read up, talk to parents of young children) • Know you can do it. You may have different styles but if you don't hurt the baby then you'll be ok. • Decide what you want together. ( ie. Sleep in bed with you, pacifiers, etc.)

B&M: What are some things you may have gone overboard with that you've discovered weren't really necessary when it came to baby purchases or baby advice? Cherrelle: Nothing really, maybe a diaper warmer. Wasn’t necessary. Advice: just smile and nod to unwarranted advice (especially from mommas and grandmommas)

B&M: With San Diego being an expensive city, how does a young couple plan for children? Cherrelle: You don’t. You just do what you have

to do. Pray and sacrifice. We grew up in San Diego so we don’t know any other way to live so we just adapt. We’ve discussed moving to another state but not seriously. We are just taking life a day at a time and leaning on God to direct us. Just when it happens know that your baby/babies will teach you what to do (that is valuable advice).

Deshawn: Plan before you have them.

Look into childcare. Have you finished school? Are you set career wise? Kids are one of the best blessings in the world. But try to set this up beforehand if you can. Ultimately trust God. Again.

B&M: Do you have a lot of family support i.e. babysitting Cherrelle: Not much. That is harder than finances. Our family supports us but not as solid babysitters. But when our back is against the wall our family comes around immediately to help out!

B&M: Is there anything else you'd like to add? Cherrelle: For mother’s, enjoy motherhood but

do not lose yourself in the process. It’s another part of your makeup but remember you are an individual with hopes and dreams and don’t lose sight of that. Take care of you, because if not... you can’t care for the ones you truly love the most.

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Wine & Recap Staff Writer

“God does answer prayers! About a month before we met, I prayed for a woman that would love, respect, and support me and that is what I got!” - Tony

“Although Tony prayed for me, he was also a gift from God. He filled a void in my life and has pushed me to be my best.” - Sa’Cha

Sa’Cha and Tony Brackins are simply a couple in love that want to share their journey with others. Meeting and marrying at a fairly young age, Sa’Cha and Tony have proven that with a willing heart and an effort to keep communication going at all times, having a happy and enjoyable marriage are truly possible.With this notion, they created ‘Wine & Recap,’ a website and podcast created for ‘Real Relationship Talk & Real Marriage Help.’ So how did this concept get started? The Brackins shared “Throughout the years, we’ve come to find out that our marriage/relationship is at it’s best when communication and quality time with each other are prioritized. Usually we set aside a day each week for “date night” (Tuesdays), but once law school came into the equation we could barely fit that in. We saw so little of each other, that we only found about an hour at night to “recap” on what happened during the day; usually accompanied by a glass of wine.Our schedule was so tight, that this time was actually put into the calendar as ‘Wine and Recap’.”

our own hard times in our relationship, we realized that there weren’t very many examples for us to go to of young people of color being successful at marriage.” In addition, they said they haven’t found many resources geared toward couples like them. “We decided that these conversations should be heard by other couples to hopefully shed some light on how to overcome difficult times, grow stronger in their love and commitment, and ultimately strengthen our community.” But why ‘Wine & Recap’? “For some couples it may be tea, for some perhaps coffee in the morning, we just happen to enjoy wine,” they shared, “but the important aspect is the time together.”

The Brackins say that the things they speak about on the podcast are typical things they would discuss privately. “Many of our friends that were either married or looking for marriage would come to us for advice and guidance. Marriage is hard and in the Black community, broken homes are expected. Even while going through BLACK & LIVING

Through social media and other outlets, we’re starting to see Black love celebrated more and more. But after the Instagram pics are posted, and the Facebook ‘Likes’ are up, young Black couples are facing challenges in their relationships, but not just the basic stuff. The Brackins shared “Young Black couples experience ALL of the challenges. Both systemically and the typical issues that every couple faces day to day.History has shown that strong Black families are not desired in America. Revolutions that have gotten us the freedoms that we have now, were funded by Black families. Martin Luther King, Jr., The Black Panther Party and Black Wall Street were all funded and supported by Black families.From the guns and drugs that were brought into our communities, to the laws passed to effectively remove the Black man from his family and into a jail cell, lack of jobs and resources, even the music that is promoted to our community, has lead to a handicap when it comes to the respect and admiration between young Black couples and has created economic insecurity. Society is not setup to keep our families together.” And after all of that “Then you have the things that plague marriages across all communities; cheating, finances, communication, lack of intimacy and not living up to vows/promises.”

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hile this concept and conversation source is still new, the Brackins are aiming high. “We believe that a healthy marriage is a good thing and that anything standing in the way of a healthy family is unacceptable. We see this conversation as a tool in changing the perception of marriage, the narrative that marriages cannot work, and to those who view it either negatively or ‘uncool’. Ultimately, the goal is to increase the number of happy healthy families in our community.” For those that have been able to tune in to the podcasts or take advantage of the other resources on their website, the Brackins’ say they’ve gotten positive and eye opening feedback. “It has been wonderful to hear from couples that are in a good place and find our platform helpful in strengthening their relationships. For other couples it has magnified or ‘peeled back layers’ into their relationships. What has been most rewarding are the people that have reached out because they are in a bad place and now want to be better for their partner or want to save their marriage. We have had much success so far with these couples who had lost hope because they either didn’t have the tools available to overcome difficult times or don’t understand the importance of family. We share that there is a blueprint to establishing love, respect, and companionship in relationships. We feel like seeds are being planted that are developing trust in the community as some are reporting that they are finding comfort in our transparency; both flaws as well as (good things) and have provided a direction for them to start with healing that some were not even aware was needed.”

W While Mr. and Mrs. Brackins have yielded to the role of teacher, per say, they are definitely still adding to their relationship, and drawing strength from this process. “The strengthening of our relationship has been big. Mostly because it’s been a time of self reflection. We have learned so much about ourselves, our marriage, and each other.We’ve had to reflect on times where damage had been inflicted, had to ask why it was done, the outcomes and repercussions caused, what we could’ve done better, what he/she did during those times, how and why we’re still together, and how we can help others experiencing those same issues. Additionally, we’ve learned some unknown flaws. For example: Tony realized he found comfort in ambiguity. One day you may feel one way, and another day you feel different. When it comes to a marriage, this should not be the case. With this experience, ideas are proposed, soul searching is done, conclusions are reached, and those conclusions are now known and stood by.This is helpful, because you know who you are and are able to stand strong on those beliefs whenever or wherever you are, regardless of who’s in the room. Confidence.” Sa’Cha and Tony hold monthly meetups and offer group webinars and individual coaching. Keep up with them at https://wineandrecap.com

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And those experiencing young love, the Brackins want to leave you with three pointers 1 Expose yourself: Though a scary and bold step, we believe that having secrets is not only damaging to a marriage, but a practice that has plagued the community as a whole and needs to be changed. The deep dark things need to be discussed so you have the chance to know and understand your partner. 2 Prioritize Jobs are lost, the kids leave home, retirement is upon you and health fades, you will still have each other. Place your relationship above all else besides God. 3 Set Goals Having vision about where you want to be in life as a couple helps through the tough times. For instance, if a partner loses a job as a manager, is it such a blow when you know the plan is to eventually become a doctor?

A Moroccan Outdoor Design

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Contributing Writer Nikki Njeri Klugh, Allied ASID, CIEC

oroccan style can be bold, colorful and exciting--taking its cues from the surrounding landscape of North Africa. Its influences are very wideranging from Arabic, Spanish, French to Moorish all giving Moroccan design its very unique and striking look. Long on coastal seas, backed into desert and baked under relentless sun, this exotic style takes inspiration from the colors that their geography provides. Ochre mountain ranges, silvery moonlit desert-scape and golden sands make way for hot, vibrant oranges and reds that are refreshed by deep blues and sparkling greens of the sea. Traditionally, the decor is very ornate with intricate patterns and bright, rich colors. Modern interpretations of this style are simpler, with large scale patterns and current colors trends.

A Moroccan style is quite a rustic look, so your first thought for your walls should be the texture. Moroccan walls are quite rough in texture. To get an authentic look, go for your own texture or weathered finish on the walls. Or you can create visual texture with lattice work and other items that have pattern. If you don't want to re-plaster your walls with a textured finish, try a paint effect like suede, faux-finish paint, a color wash, or mix a little builder's sand in with your paint to get a really textured look. These will all just take the smoothness of your modern walls and help you get a more ethnic and Moroccan style. BLACK & LIVING

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o achieve the best authentic feel, lots of layers of fabrics and textile patterns are needed all around the room. If you consider yourself a minimalist, then Moroccan style is not for you; although you can definitely take some inspiration from them and use huge graphic motifs. Handmade tiles are a very important design feature. The various colors and designs are not only used for the floors, but for walls or furniture elements, such as tabletops. When considering the furniture, nothing too sophisticated and fancy must be used. Simple, rustic style furniture made of dark wood featuring iron decorations will always be the most adequate choice. Carved wood and wrought iron decoration will look nice, though, and add to the Moroccan feel. A modern take on Moroccan furniture is the pouf, similar to an ottoman. When it comes to accessorizing, it is all about a few key pieces. All you need to create beauty and interest is a throw rug, some toss pillows, a lantern and a side table. What's great about this exotic look is it is considered timeless; Moroccan styles have always been popular and in style.

CEO, Principal Designer NIKKI KLUGH DESIGN GROUP, INC. nikki@nikkiklughdesign.com www.nikkiklughdesign.com LinkedIn | Facebook | Pinterest 619.948.7173 phone 619.656.9514 fax

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BEING BOLD IN FALL By Dean Hall Contributing Fashion Editor Model: Mariah McKenzie Photographer Credit Isiah Jones

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Look 1. Dress & Bag Zara $49.99, $29.99 Shoes: Top Shop $89.99

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Look 2. Earrings H&M $12.99 Sweater Halogen $70.99 Skirt & Bag Zara $ 69.90, $29.99 Shoes: H&M $34.99

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Look 3. Dress Top Shop $129.00 Earrings Nordstrom $74.99 Shoes: Aldo $82.99

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Look 4. Dress Zara $99.00 Earrings Nordstrom $74.9w9 Shoes: Top Shop $89.99

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Back To School Best Backpacks in the Game

By Dean Hall - Contributing Fashion Editor

Dirt Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Hurt Staff Writer

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ost of us can recall the days of being children, dropping some food on the ground, quickly picking it up and offering a resounding “God made dirt and dirt don’t hurt!” Well to prove exactly that, local sisters Maritza,Sativa and Kaya Murray created a brand of natural products to tend to everyone’s skincare and dental needs. Raised in a strict vegan household, using natural products was simply a way of life for the sisters. “As teenagers, when we would find a natural product that we didn't necessarily like or just wasn't as effective as we might prefer, we would always find ways to make our own versions. From deodorants, to body and hair butters to Chapsticks and lip balms, we were always experimenting with product making.

I don't think there is anyone specifically that helped us to learn about how to make products. It was more of a trial and error process. Try one formula, test it out, if it works and does its specific job, keep it! If not, change the recipe around until you find the perfect mix” It wasn’t until 2012 when one of the sisters was diagnosed with Lyme Disease that they really began to take a deeper look into what they were putting in and on their bodies. This diagnosis became the push they needed to officially create the Dirt Don’t Hurt brand, once they realized the benefits of activated charcoal and healing earth clays. “Using these detoxing products has really assisted in her full recovery.” These all natural, earth + plant based products have garnered the sisters some rave reviews, specifically their Charcoal Tooth Powder.

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hese young tricenarians shared they’ve done tons of research on and offline, along with testing and using different formulations until what they were looking for was achieved. “We tested all our products out on family and friends with positive results and rave reviews. We also did additional testing on our tooth powder with a local dentist.” Rebranded in 2017 and officially launched on Earth Day, the clientele proved they were satisfied with what had presented. Even though the journey of entrepreneurship can be a daunting one, the Murray sisters have found strength in their relationship of sisterhood, and have considered it truly rewarding. “The journey has truly been a blessing. This is something we all dreamt of: owning a business with us three sisters, and really doing something we believe in and are passionate about. Working with my sisters Is truly a dream come true. I wouldn’t want to be on this journey with anyone else in the world. We have always been very close and I think that’s why the dynamic works so well. Do we have daily challenges…absolutely, but we always find a way to overcome them, push through them and come to an agreement or compromise. At the end of the day we are family and that supersedes all.” The sisters added that the most rewarding part is knowing that people are getting the ultimate benefits from all natural products that work with their body instead of against them, and “the icing on the cake is when customers come back to us with great results and spread the word to their family and friends. When people discover there is an alternative to the traditional chemical filled products, they can confidently use our products without hesitation.”

But with a budding business and strong business partners that they call sisters, the ladies did share that the most challenging part is finding a balance between work life and mom life. “Both have proven to be very demanding.” When asked what they envision for the future of the brand, they shared “The possibilities are endless but we are really focusing on expanding our product line and growing our ecommerce outlet to reach more people worldwide. As we see the trend for natural products continue to grow we are confident we will thrive with the movement. The average woman puts 515 chemicals on her body on a daily basis without even knowing it. With those type of astounding numbers people are becoming more conscious about what they put on their bodies and the effects of those choices. People want to be informed and know they are doing something clean + pure for their body inside and out.” Dirt Don’t Hurt is an all Natural Activated Charcoal Company. The products are all Earth + plant based and formulated to detox your mouth, teeth face and skin. All of their ingredients are Vegan, cruelty free, NonGmo, and gluten free. “Currently our product line consists of an Activated Charcoal Tooth Powder, Tooth + Gum Oil, Mineral Clay Mask, Detox Bath Soak + Scrub and EcoFriendly Bamboo Toothbrushes. Our number one seller is our Tooth Powder, which is an all natural way to whiten your teeth, remineralize, detoxify, and clean with none of the harsh chemicals in traditional whiteners and traditional toothpaste. Because our products are powder based we don’t use any fillers, emulsifiers or preservatives, therefore maintaining the integrity of all the raw earth clays, herbs and essential oils that we use in our detox line. All of our products are made with love right here in sunny San Diego.” Currently the sisters sell their products at 8 weekly farmers markets in San Diego as well as festivals all over Southern California and select stores and boutiques. “We invite you to get down and dirty with us” Visit www.dirtdonthurtme.com

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HOW TO GET AHEAD FINANCIALLY, EVEN WHEN YOU DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T MAKE MUCH By Brandon S. Johnson - Contributing Writer

In 2010, my bank account was in the negatives, my FICO score was in the 500’s my debts were in collections and my car had been repossessed. Drowning financially is painful. It wasn’t until I got armed with knowledge and more importantly a freedom mindset that things shifted. In the next 4 years,With no other investments I saved around $50k, paid off that old car repossession with one check, paid off over $10,000 in consumer debt, travelled extensively and debt free all while making about $12/hour and doing photography on the side. Also last I checked my credit score is around 820. Every obstacle is conquerable. Not often enough in our communities, schools or at the dinner table is financial education discussed. True there are some historical and systematic disadvantages in place for Americans of African descent in regards to our place in the financial race, but there is no denial of our brilliance and capacity to overcome oppressive situations when armed with knowledge.

The reality is simple, some of us just need to get ahead. We say we want to save money, but after all of the bills are paid and the food is purchased, by the end of the month we’re barely scraping by and we haven’t made a dent in our debt.

You ever notice checking cashing places are primarily in low income communities? The reality is for some people, there is no room. They are working as many hours as they can, and taking care of their family in between, but still the expenses and the income don’t match up, I get that and I’ve been there. However for some, if you’re willing to make a few changes, some minor and some drastic, you can start to make changes in your financial situation, and finally start getting ahead.

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Here are some tips I used to get ahead when money was beyond tight. START WITH YOUR WHY The first thing you must have before you Once you have your why, write it can dive into any goal head on is your out and post it up somewhere that WHY. When your reason for doing something is strong enough, you’ll find that it will push you forward, even when everything else around you says to stop. Instead of thinking of saving money as spending LESS, renew your mind. Think of saving money as a vehicle to allow you to spend MORE on the things that bring you joy. Change your savings account nickname to “Dream FUNd” and make it an online account that is difficult to access. That “dream” can be as big as your imagination. It could be that new couch you’ve set your heart on or a child’s college education, it could be your dream home or that much needed vacation. You decide!

you’ll see daily and put deadline on it. That deadline can be 2 months or 2 years, but until you put a purpose and timeline to your action, it’s really hard to stay motivated. Remember how hard you hit the gym before your trip to Miami when you knew you only had 3 months to get in shape? Yea that same focus applies to anything we put a goal and deadline to.

MAYBE IT’S TIME FOR A LIFESTYLE CHANGE. This is the hardest one for many people, and has the most room for variables, but as financial coach, Dave Ramsey put it, we must “live like no one else now, so later we can live and give like no one else.” You say, “but I need my $150 a month cable package and my $500 car note.” While I’m positive this is doubtful, only you can decide where you want to cut and what’s important to you. I’ve worked in hostels in my city in exchange for free lodging, showers and wifi. I rode a bike in place of a car and only worked jobs that were close enough to bike to. I got rid of cable, packed my lunches, and worked 75-100 hour weeks for years all in the name of getting ahead.

YOU NEED A BUDGET

Now that you know why you’re saving money, let’s get to the grit of it. You must understand where your money is going. You can no longer wait until the end of the month and wonder where all your money went. You must start the month by telling it where to go. The best way to do that is through a detailed budget. A budget is fairly simple, on one column you list ALL of your expenses for the upcoming month. Include all automatic payments, birthday presents, gas, food, misc. On another column write all of your income for the month. After totaling them, hopefully the income side has more than the outgoing side. If it is, you’re in luck. Whether it be $10 or $1000 that money is for your Dream FUNd. Write your name into the budget and pay yourself first. After all you’re the one working for it. If however, after multiple calculations you realize that you have more money going out than in, it is time to make some changes.

Simply put, I’m sure if we all went through our last months expenses with a fine tooth comb we’d find there are small things we could cut out. The average amount spent on lunch by Americans is $10. If you could save half that, that’s $1800 a year. Include your morning latte and that amount could almost double! Don’t think of it as cutting back but rather funding your passions and your purpose. Ask yourself, what could you do with an extra $2k-$3k a year, or even another $300 a month? Now, If after cutting expenses down to the bone you realize you still make less than you spend, there is only one real solution. You need to make more money! So whether it’s through a side hustle like delivering packages or food, creating and selling something online, picking up a second job, or asking for a raise, you’ve got to find a way to up your income. All of this will require more work, more focus, and more sacrifice but remember it’s all temporary. Once your money is right you can live however you want!

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GET OUT… OF DEBT As we begin to cease living in a poverty mindset and begin a legacy of freedom remember: the borrower is slave to the lender. There is no faster path to wealth than having complete control over your income. But when that income is already allocated to never-ending payments before you even get paid it can be tough to begin to really save, invest and grow wealth. I recently read an article that said almost 70 percent of Americans had less than $1,000 saved and 34 percent had no savings at all but, according to the Federal Reserve's latest numbers, the average American household carries over $16,000 in credit card debt alone. That is a sign of living far beyond our means and it’s quite unsustainable. You say “but my debt is manageable and I can make the minimum payments.” That’s not freedom talk and it’s what credit card companies love to hear. They would love for you to make minimum payments forever. It keeps them rich and will not only keep you in debt longer, but at around 20 percent interest, it will cost you way more money in the long run,

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NOW FOR THE FUN PART Imagine your life with no payments. No credit cards, no student loans, no car note (and one day no mortgage.) Quick math will tell you how much that’s all costing you a month. If you had all of that money back in your own pocket each month, how many people could you bless at your whim? How much could you travel when you’re saving a flights worth of money each month? What programs could you put your children in? What moves could you make in your business, how could you support your community, how could you spoil your spouse if you owed nobody anything ever? Add that to a healthy and growing nest egg, that’s a new kind of peace. This is not fairytale. This is true financial freedom and you can’t work enough to out-earn a poverty mindset. Remember you can make $10,000 a month but if you have $9,999 in bills, you’re still broke, you can save $20,000 but if you are $40,000 in debt you’re still broke. It’s not how much you make it’s how much you have left over. Let’s start a kingdom mindset in our families and begin thinking of our legacy and our future generations. You can be the branch that changes the direction of your family tree, but you’ve got to start now. Get Free.

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