Black & Pink News, Vol 11 Issue 5, Oct/Nov 2020

black and pink news

Twitch (NY)

Volume 11, Issue 5

Know yourself. There is abundant power in that. Navigating prisons, jails, and institutions will create an environment that intentionally removes you from your inner self.

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an Adolescent Health Educator at Charles Drew Health Center in Omaha, NE. This position gifted me the opportunity to understand the simple approach to relationships that wouldn’t make them easy BUT drastically demystified.

I hope this issue brings new information, affirming revelations and love from myself and the National team wherever you are. I read all of your letters. I find myself inspired by your art. I love being a part of this family with you.

I want to send a heartfelt THANK YOU to Dusty Ginner, Black & Pink Director of Communications and Development and Reed Miller, Black & Pink Board Member and Legacy Member for spearheading our incredible new PenPal Pairing Site and database implementation.

This will allow us to be there for you, understand you, and be proactive in solidarity initiatives. A 3-year project that we are so proud of - you’ll learn more about this in this issue.

There is an equation to relationships that I’ve cracked over the years. As a Loud and Proud Pisces (March 19th) my people are perpetually IN LOVE with being IN LOVE.

Y’all ready for this tea? Now cuz y’all my family Imma put y’all on game but I usually charge for my consulting services! But we all cousins up in here so here it goes : All parties need to do the following: • Establish what they bring to the relationship and consistent expectations of their presence in the other party’s space.

• Establish boundaries and the best way to communicate with the other party, the best way to communicate when boundaries have been violated, and what is the process to address the harm with an integrated process to achieve healing of said harm.

• Establish non-negotiable things that will cause the relationship to be dissolved.

• An agreement of what dissolved means and the communication expected to activate dissolution.

And for most of my life I struggled with loving others romantically or otherwise because of my unspoken expectations and passive aggressive reaction to folks not grasping my silent love language.

Seems simple huh? Beloved, I will not front like it is. Powerful and life changing? Absolutely. And I can say I haven’t acquired one thing in life that has improved the quality of my life that came easy.

One of the most incredible gifts in my career has been my time as

Community isn’t about easy. It’s about necessity and transformation.

In that space I’m calling your inner self - some call it your soul or your quiet space - we find our heart’s desire. From professional aspirations to your wildest wildest.

It’s like the Queen of Hearts in Alice in Wonderland. The system methodically erects a labyrinth that feels self inflicted and laced in false shame.

This issue will bring information and affirmations that I hope will assist you in building community in whatever way you see as a key element of your liberation: Relationship to yourself Relationship to others Relationship with community as a whole

Happy Birthday to Douglas Rodgers, Black & Pink numero uno. Your existence created something beautiful that will impact individuals for decades to come.

Take care of yourself FIRST and, if you have space, those around you.

This is how we all get to the other side, A.K.A liberation. Oh. No matter what happens on November 3rd, we will be here. PERIOD! Peace, Love and Power, Dominique Morgan She/Hers Executive Director Black and Pink National, Omaha, NE 11.2.2020

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In This Issue Letter from Dominique Morgan - p3 PenPal Site Announcement p5 Learn More About Hot Pink - p6 Ask Mx. Zephy - p7-9 Re-imagining Justice for Black People - p10 Sexual Liberation for SystemImpacted People - p11 Determining Your Sexual Values - p12 - 14 Caged Hearts - p15

Black & Pink News Black & Pink Hotline The hotline phone number is (531) 600-9089. The hotline will be available Sundays, 1-5 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) for certain. You can call at other times, as well, and we will do our best to answer your calls as often as possible. We are sorry that we can only accept prepaid calls at this time.

The purposes of the hotline are: Supportive listening: Being in prison is lonely, as we all know. The hotline is here for supportive listening so you can just talk to someone about what is going on in your life.

Organizing: If there are things going on at your prison—lockdowns, guard harassment, resistance, or anything else that should be shared with the public—we can help spread the word.

We look forward to hearing from you! This is our first attempt at this

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020 currently and formerly incarcerated people. We are outraged by the specific violence of the PIC towards LGBTQ people, and we respond through advocacy, education, direct service, and organizing. Black & Pink is proudly a family of people of all races and ethnicities.

About Black & Pink News Since 2007, Black & Pink free world volunteers have pulled together a monthly newspaper, composed primarily of material written by our family’s incarcerated members. In response to letters we receive, we send the newspaper to more prisoners every month! Black & Pink News currently reaches more than 20,000 prisoners!

Disclaimer The ideas and opinions expressed in Black & Pink News are solely

Give us a call! (531) 600-9089 Sundays, 1-5 p.m. EST

PrEP Primer - p16 Book Review - p17 Letters from Inside Family p21 - 27 Poetry from Inside - p28 - 29

Cover Image by Katie Rita, courtesy of amplifier.org

so please be patient with us as we work it all out. We will not be able to answer every call, but we will do our best. We apologize to anyone who has been trying to get through to the hotline with no success. We are still working out the system. Thank you for being understanding.

Restrictions: The hotline is not a number to call about the newspaper.

The hotline is not a number to call for sexual or erotic chatting. The hotline is not a number for getting help with your current court case; we are not legal experts.

Statement of Purpose Black & Pink is an open family of LGBTQ prisoners and “free world” allies who support each other. Our work toward the abolition of the prison-industrial complex (PIC) is rooted in the experiences of

those of the authors and artists and do not necessarily reflect the views of Black & Pink. Black & Pink makes no representations as to the accuracy of any statements made in Black & Pink News, including but not limited to legal and medical information. Authors and artists bear sole responsibility for their work.

Everything published in Black & Pink News is also on the Internet—it can be seen by anyone with a computer.

By sending art or written work to “Newspaper Submissions,” you are agreeing to have it published in Black & Pink News and on the Internet.

In order to respect our members’ privacy, we publish only first names and state locations. We may edit submissions to fit our anti-oppression values and/or based on our own editing guidelines.

Volume 11, Issue 5

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B&P Update: We Launched a New PenPal Site!

Black & Pink, a national prison abolition organization mobilizing to liberate LGBTQIA2S+ people and people living with HIV/ AIDS from the criminal punishment system, announces the launch of a new site to support its PenPal Program.

This is going to make it so much easier for our outside family to connect with you and will more equitably distribute the love amongst all our PenPals.

The site, located at www. blackandpinkpenpals. org, is a complete revamp of the organization’s existing PenPal database, and will help more than 20,000 inside members find connection. It allows community users to quickly and easily find a PenPal who is incarcerated and begin writing to them within minutes.

Our PenPal Program is how Black & Pink began: When Jason Lydon founded our organization in 2005 after experiencing incarceration, he began writing to Black & Pink’s first member, Douglas Rodgers, and the program only grew from there!

“Many years ago, Andrew Aleman, Black & Pink Director of Programs, said to me: Relationships are an intervention,” says Dominique

Morgan, Black & Pink Executive Director. “Relationships are key to community and this is where the potential for radical transformation lives. This new PenPal site and initiative will make sure that we continue to shed the light of community in every dark corner of institutions across the country.”

The PenPal program is one of Black & Pink’s longest running programs; it began when the organization was founded in 2005. It is designed to match community (non-incarcerated)

members with those who are incarcerated for friendship, support, and advocacy.

“Ultimately, our goal is to make sure that as long as there are walls between us, those walls are as permeable as we can possibly make them,” says Andrea Kszystyniak, Black & Pink Members Support Coordinator. “We want to insure that those who are most vulnerable in prison have someone watching out for them, and that’s what our PenPal program is designed to do.”

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Black & Pink News

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

HOT PINK: Fantasies from the Inside LGBTQ erotica has always been a popular request by Black & Pink members. To meet the demand, “free world� volunteers used to mail generic erotica collected online. In 2013, after a Black & Pink volunteer retreat, we embarked on an ambitious plan to publish a zine of erotica written specifically by and for members of Black & Pink. First published as a stand-alone zine and now as an insert in the newspaper, HOT PINK now touches 4,324 members about twice a year.

HOT PINK is a publication of our stories and fantasies. Stories about the way we love, the way we fuck, and the way we exist. As prisons deny sexual expression, the very things that get us off and bring us together can become a form of resistance.

Resisting how prisons try to control over bodies and minds, HOT PINK shares stories of sex-positivity and enthusiastic consent.

Our pages have featured stories about trans love, interracial relationships, and disabled people getting it on. Although it is impossible to ever represent the full range of desires and identities, we hope to fill gaps rather than create them ;) A small team of outside volunteers

continues to pull together issues of HOT PINK. Thank you to all the authors that have submitted to us over the years. Special shout out to Tsunami for providing editorial support and Jamie for art direction of the first couple installments (due to censorship, HOT PINK no longer includes nude illustrations).

In the early days, fundraiser parties helped to offset the cost of printing and mailing. Now HOT PINK has a permanent home within the pages our newsletter.

The tenth issue recently went to press and we look forward to keeping them cumming.

Do you have a story or poem you would like to share? To submit and/ or subscribe, write to: Black & Pink - HOT PINK

6223 Maple St. #4600 Omaha, NE 68104

Please note, this is a voluntary project, and no money will be offered for submissions. Instead, you will get the chance to share your sexy story with many other readers!

Volume 11, Issue 5

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Hello, beautiful people!

Mx Zephy here, pronouns xe | xem. Thank you all so much for writing to me with your questions. Reading through your letters brings me so much joy in connecting with you. I can only print a few of them here, but I do read each and every one of them. I will try to respond to as many as I can. Gentle reminder folks. I cannot take on legal cases as I am not a licensed attorney. If you have a specific ask about something, I could provide direction or very general guidance. Again, I am not an attorney so I don’t want to give any response that might get your hopes up. That feels harmful to me. Also, for me to file briefs or engage in lawyerly activities is outside what the Ask Mx Zephy column can do. Understandably, I also received a number of requests for me to be a personal pen pal with about 25 of y’all. While I would love to and flattered, there were so many requests that I unfortunately can’t honor that. Keep the questions coming, but please stay within the bounds of the questions I can provide guidance on.

Much love, Mx Zephy Hi Mx Zephy, I feel like I’m transgender inside.

I feel like I am part female inside.

I don’t feel right unless I am completely shaved. Why is that or why do I feel like that?

-TRANS Inside All the love to you, TRANS Inside!

I honor your courage to sit with these uncomfortable feelings.

Let me start by saying that your feelings are valid. Body hair, whether you decide to keep or remove it, is an essential part of gender expression especially when words can’t affirm what you feel inside. Removing it may signal that I have control over my body.

I can not only make decisions and

feel comfortable in my skin, but I deserve to. Body hair is also key to our social understanding of what is feminine and masculine.

Having hair, whether on the arms, legs, or face, is one of the most socially powerful indicators of masculinity. Feminine bodies are socially seen as smooth and soft.

What you may be feeling is a desire to affirm your gender. We have been taught what it means to be beautiful with such a limited understanding of beauty. Check in with yourself. If you have a space where you can journal without it being read, write it down. If not, sit with the thoughts that come up. Don’t try to ignore them. Let them wash over you and pass.

Respond to these two questions: 1. When I shave, I feel X. Maybe you feel empowered. Perhaps liberated. Maybe you feel more comfortable in your skin.

Naming the feeling that you are experiencing is a great way to understand how you think and how you move in the world.

2. What can I learn from this feeling? Jot down or note in your head anything that comes up. The more you explore these feelings the more you will learn how to evaluate and respond to those feelings. Your feelings are like muscles, and need to be worked out.

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Black & Pink News

Greetings Hailey!

Greetings, I finally step up here in my prison & took the steps to start the process of my prison allowing me to be me and my identity as female. I really felt your words in your column. I am finally at long last chasing my moment to claim my power, my words & choices to be heard. I am a woman that is equal to all other women and to live happy at long last. How much of a battle will I be facing in finally moving to have my prison recognize my choice to be known as my identity of a woman?

-Hailey

Your power and your resilience are a beauty to witness. Thank you for sharing your journey with me. I see you Hailey. I honor your brilliance. I can’t sugarcoat what you’re about to hear. It’ll be a disservice to you. It’s going to be a hard, if not an impossible, fight.

The Marshall Project, an online news publication, reported earlier this year that the process for a name change varies by state.

Seventeen states automatically ban name changes after criminal convictions, ranging from any felony in some to only sex crimes in others. Some have lifetime bans, others up to a decade after the end of sentence. The process may also be difficult and take a long time.

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

This may not be what you wanted to hear Hailey. I can understand how difficult hearing this news may be for you. I also sit in this in between while I wait to change my name. It doesn’t feel good.

Here are a few things that might help you feel more connected to who you really are: Ask people you trust and love to use your given name. Your people are your greatest support network. Don’t provide anyone who might cause trouble with that option, only people who really see who the real you is. Let it be your way to declare your truth in spite of the world trying to silence it.

You have the power or privilege to decide who you are. Journaling is also really helpful. I like to think about my future self and ask who my future self is.

It lends me a sense of hope and dignity for what will be. If writing isn’t your strength, try sketching or drawing instead. Find what moves your creative expression and indulge.

A third option is to look at your reflection and have a conversation with yourself using your chosen name. Telling yourself what you like about yourself. It’s not the same as being able to fully and legally step into your truth, but it does give you the choice to be who you are. Having choice can make all the difference.

Are there other options you can gift yourself?

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Mx Zephy, What kind of advice do you give a person that stuffs all their emotions on the inside?

- Emo Inside Emo, Do what I do and run! Run as far and as fast as you can from those emotions. Kidding! Honestly, that response was my go-to for so long. I only stopped running when I realized I was tuckered out and those emotions were still there.

Not only that, but they had gotten overwhelmingly big, to the point where I no longer recognized them as my own. This led to a sense of panic and quite a number of anxiety attacks. It was the least fun experience to turn around and confront them, but incredibly healing. Stuffing down your feelings may protect you right now, but is it healthy? If you want to express them productively, read on.

The only way to start digging through your emotions is to go in. Go inside your feelings and sit with them. Treat them like long lost friends. Ask yourself, what excuse do I use to avoid hanging out with them? When they want to show up and hang out, do I say that I am too busy and slam the door on them? Do I chow down on any nearby food so I can stuff those feelings down too? What about sex? Do I use sex to distract me by focusing on what is pleasurable right now? Whatever your reason is, use this avoidance tactic as your starting point for getting in touch with your feelings. It shows you how you respond when you are triggered by something you think

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is unpleasant or leads to not so great consequences.

The next step is to name those emotions. Can’t remember their names because it’s been so long?

Then give them a nickname that you can remember them by.

Some ways you can do this is by noticing how that emotion shows up in your body. Do you feel tense? Tension is usually related to anxiety. Is your face hot or your heart beating out of your chest?

That can be anger or fear. Check in with your breathing. Are you panting and struggling to breathe?

That can be a sign of anger or fear or sadness too. Is your throat tight? That might happen just before the tears show up.

Think about what triggered the emotion. Maybe your cellie got a letter from home and you felt anger. Dig a little deeper. Are you mad at your cellie or at the situation? Maybe it’s not anger that you are feeling but sadness or disappointment. Sit with the emotion. We have a lot of emotions and sometimes it’s not so easy to pick apart exactly what you are feeling.

Be easy with yourself during this process. Sorting through emotions takes practice and patience. Try not to judge what you are feeling as either good or bad. Be curious and note what sensations the feeling brings in your body and then work to name how you feel.

Allow yourself to feel the emotion without responding to it.

Hopefully, you have been writing down all these observations about the feelings that are showing up.

They will be helpful for the next step, coping with those feelings.

Feelings can get us in a lot of trouble. If we feel anger, we can

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react with violence. If we feel sad, we can react by shutting off our emotions. Those aren’t helpful because those feelings are still there unprocessed. Instead, try pausing in the moment.

Ask your feelings about what lessons they want to teach you.

Sometimes it’s as simple as I feel angry because I am hungry.

That’s great news! You noticed the feeling, named it, and its trigger.

Now what do you do about this?

Acting mindfully and eating something seems reasonable here.

Sure, that is a simple example.

There are other ways to mindfully cope with your emotions. Try journaling. Write down your feelings and what triggered them.

Think of other ways you can cope rather than just responding to the physical sensations that come up. Maybe you physically move through the emotion by walking around the yard, taking a quiet moment to yourself, mindfully breathing, or even crying. Everyone copes with their emotions in their own ways. Find productive ways that work for you. Remember the relief you feel from working through your emotion rather than responding to it. Focus on that relief to guide you when the feelings feel really big. Relief is a signal that you are healing. The more you practice working through your feelings, the more manageable they will feel.

P.S. Sometimes it’s not appropriate or safe to feel an emotion. That’s okay too! Just make sure that you make a promise to process it later.

Honor that promise and work through that emotion as soon as you can before you trigger an avoidance tactic.

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Black & Pink News

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

Re-imagining Justice for Black People

By Dominique Morgan Written September 25, 2020

“I think we want justice and I think we believe there’s some way we are ever going to get that from this system and that is maddening to me.”

-Sonya Renee Taylor in reference to the Black community and justice Family, It’s a conflicting time to exist as both Black and an abolitionist in this country. How do we honor the lives thoughtlessly stolen away from our community, while also remaining rooted in our abolitionist values? It’s exhausting, especially when the only model of justice available to us, arresting those who have harmed us, is seemingly the only way to validate our lives.

Further, many in our community seek the act of jailing our oppressors as a balm to the historical harm and trauma our Black bodies hold. We hold to this act of accountability as a consistent goal because this is what we’ve been indoctrinated to believe. Internally, I believe we feel that we can be validated through our desire for vengeance, and hope that the (in)justice system will treat white bodies the way it treats ours.

What I know to be true runs counter to this. I know that justice, affirmation, and peace are not delivered from the (in)justice system, especially for Black people.

I’ve watched my people mourn their idea of justice. From Jake Gardner in Omaha who killed 22 year-old James Scurlock, a Black

man. To the cops in Louisville who killed Breonna Taylor: accountability continues to sift liks sand in our hands - disappearing into the wind.

Well, not sift. These acts of violence against Black people were no accident… accountability was never meant for us. All we were handed was an illusory promise.

What I also know to be true is that these systems work the way they were built to. They were never meant to work for Black communities.

Now many of you are nodding your head, ready to burn it all down…

Keep nodding. Keep smiling, but I want to sit this challenge on your chest: Black people and our communities need more than radical sentiments and gasoline to transform our lived experience in this world.

We need relationships to move with accountability and at the speed of trust. We need to be heard. We need to be respected.

We need dignity for our inherent value as human beings.

Repeatedly I’ve heard Jason Lydon, Black & Pink’s founder, talk about the opportunity to envision a new way of being in community.

I ask you - have you ever tried to be a visionary while you’re hungry?

Have you ever tried to change your habits when you were sad, tired, or hurt?

This is 2020 for the Black community, and every year prior.

How do we expect a community shouldering the full burden of oppression to divest from the white way of thinking when their capacity for abolitionist futurism is being held hostage by a culture that sees you as three-fifths a person?

Investing in these communities is essential to taking the steps we need to take to build a society where police, detention centers, jails and prison are obsolete.

Look to Black & Pink for leadership that counts. We invest in the leadership and lived experiences of people arguably considered as the least among us, Black Trans people.

We know better. We live better.

Black Trans people are the most among us and who we have been waiting for.

We, at Black & Pink, are creating opportunities that not only meet, but exceed, the needs of Black Trans People. Uplifting and supporting their identities is a realization for the entire community. We all benefit.

I invite you to join me in this work. I encourage you to move outside your space of privilege to join me in our mission. I ask you to envision a transformative community that won’t let us down or harm us in the process.

In Solidarity, Dominique Morgan National Executive Director

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System-Impacted People Deserve Sexual Liberation

By Jasmine Tasaki, Director of Advocacy, Black & Pink Sexual Liberation is an idea or destination for many people. What does that liberation look like for folks everyday in the world, at work, home, and socially?

Now think about what that looks like for system-impacted folks.

Imagine a world where you are not in touch with your pleasure and sexuality.

This is the reality for many.

Now imagine being punished or vilified for any contact with pleasure. It is very important to know your sexuality and sense of pleasure. Connecting to this pleasure is also key to understanding oneself and evolving.

Being incarcerated cuts you off from all normalcy while stifling you from learning other things about yourself, specifically your sexuality. Our ability to navigate through our own sexuality is a right, and should never be forced to conform to societal norms.

The beauty in sexual development within yourself is a journey that must be explored to become sexually liberated. Systemimpacted people need space to be and evolve with themselves as

sexual beings. Sexual urges and needs don’t just disappear when you are incarcerated; these feelings become suppressed, exasperated, or over compensated in other ways.

To have true freedom means to be liberated and with that comes clarity. Understanding who we are as sexual beings should lead us on this journey.

The after effects of incarceration manifest in all areas, even sex.

Specifically there can be some sexual trauma when systemimpacted people try to enter back into an active sex life.

I think for system-impacted folks, sexual liberation looks like loving who I want to love in the way

art by Bec Young, courtesy of justseeds.org

that I want to love them and not being policed for it. It also looks like not being put in the hole for whispers of sexual activity, not being demonized for personal desires and pleasures. As a system-impacted trans woman on the outside, it looks like making decisions that are informed by my sexuality.

Often we make bad decisions in relationships or in our life because we are not letting our sexuality be a part of those decisions. To truly be liberated, we must show up as our full selves, that includes our sexuality as well.

Our happiness is tied to our liberation, and our sexuality is tied to them as well. Navigating through defining your sexuality while being trans or queer is difficult no matter what.

But the system adds a layer that creates more issues to deal with.

Toxic masculinity and toxic femininity both play major roles in how jails and prisons shape the culture of facilities; they show up within the LGBTQIA2S+ community as well. We must stay in touch with who we are as sexual beings to move about the systems who wish to oppress our sexuality. No person is free until they can love themselves and others in a way that makes them feel proud.

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Black & Pink News

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

Determining Your Sexual Values

By Dr. Lexx Brown-James, LMFT, CSE, CSES Values. First off, let’s define values because people have all sorts of meanings for what they are. When I’m talking about values here, I mean the guiding ideas and beliefs that lead to our decision making and behavior. What, who, and how you show your values to others is how people know who you are and what you stand for. So, values are incredibly important to develop, think about, and show.

When you think of the values you hold, what comes to mind? For me, loyalty, caring for others, and trust are prolly the most important off the top of my head. When it comes to sexuality, these values get even more muddled and harder to define. We live in a society that does not care about the sexual values of people unless they hurt someone else. And even then, that’s hit or miss regarding what and who is cared about.

Sexual health and all that goes into it- how healthy your body is, how your body is approached and treated from birth to death, what you think about your body, and how you have been taught to treat

other’s bodies are all impacted by values. And honestly, it’s the values of others that you learn first, before developing your own. The family you were raised by, whether from blood or from

choice taught you values about sexuality. Then add on top of that the society you live in taught you values too. Sometimes these are the same, and some times they are very different.

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The cool part about all of this is, however, you get to develop your own value system, even if it is different than the ones you learn or the ones that are carried out against you.

To develop your own sexual health value, I want you to ask yourself these questions (or do the worksheet I included!): 1. How do I want my sexual health to be treated?

Do you want your sexual needs and desires to be safe to express to a loved one? Do you want to be able to have access to things you need for safer sex practices? Do you want to be able to know your sexual health status? Do you want the right to access healthcare as necessary for your sexual health (you know getting tested for cancer and all)?

If yes to any of these, you might value honesty, clear communication, consent, intimacy, and even freedom. The freedom to access care, information and

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when you want to share that information.

2. How do you want to treat others regarding their sexual health?

As a parent, I like to think of this in the frame of my children.

It’s weird I know, stay with me.

The values I have around sexual health are no different than the values I have for my own children and others. I want people to know their bodies are their own and no one has a right to use their bodies in ways that they do not agree too. I want them to know that they have a right to feel pleasure in all ways of life, from getting tickled if they want to eating food that makes their taste buds happy. I want them to know that no matter what anyone else says, how they feel about themselves is the most important determining factor in how they will allow others to treat them. And I want to treat them (and others) in this same accordance. If you do too, you might value consent, autonomy- being able to be in control of yourself - compassion,

independence, and being genuine.

3. How has it felt to be with someone who does not hold the same values as I do?

Now, this can be a sore spot.

Many people get hurt and hurt others from behaving outside of the same values. This is a place often of confusion, pain, anger, bitterness, resentment, and desperation. You know these feelings, I won’t rehash them, and I want you to keep them in mind because your values when it comes to sexuality and your behavior often also have the power to hurt- even when you don’t mean too.

These questions can help guide you on the main themes about what you value regarding sexual health. The cool thing is, the values that you develop for sexual health often expand into values you have for other parts of your life. If you believe in freedom from oppression, then we have to apply that to sexuality too- and it starts with an examination of the value system you act from.

art by Bec Young, courtesy of justseeds.org

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Black & Pink News

Values Choose your top ten most important values for your relationship from the list below. Then narrow it down to 5. Then to 3. These are your most important. Discuss why you picked the values you picked and what they mean to you about your relationship.

Acceptance Achievement Adventure Autonomy Caring Challenging Comforting Committed Compassionate Courageous

Curious Diligent Dependable Faithful Flexible Generous Genuine Grateful Honest Hopeful

Humorous Independent Intelligence Just Open Passionate Pleasure Protective Romantic Wealth

What other values would you add that are missing?

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2020

LEXXSEXDOC

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Caged Hearts: Romance Beyond Bars

By Anonymous So I just got home from a visit and I just want to cry my eyes out, curl up in the fetal position, and fall asleep.

Leaving my fiancé behind always feels like the hardest thing I’ve ever done and it seems to get harder every time. I stopped believing it when people said I’d start to get used to this or that things would get better. There’s no getting used to this, there’s just coping with it. And this experience won’t get better until he comes home.

I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that my fiancé will be caged for the foreseeable future, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with it. He was sentenced to 23 years to life towards the end of 2018 and even though he spent almost two years in the county, watching them take him away in cuffs that day made it all finally feel real. On the one hand there was a sense of relief: at least I knew what our future held now. I didn’t like it, but I knew. On the other hand, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest.

Over and over and over again.

There are no words to explain how I truly felt; just know I’ve never felt worse.

I couldn’t go home that day. I just walked and wandered around New York City until I stumbled on the dance studio where I used to work.

I didn’t want to go home because I didn’t want to just be alone and cry. I thought maybe distracting myself would help a little.

I was wrong.

I cried for days.

We learned so much about ourselves and about our relationship in those first few weeks after he was sentenced.

We learned just how important communication is when you have so little of it. See, we were spoiled in the county. We spoke every day.

Throughout the day. In reception, he would maybe get 5 minutes on the phone here or there for the first few weeks. So it was important for us to use our time and our words effectively. Every second mattered.

We learned how important it was to never get off the phone angry or upset, to always tell each other we love each other, and to be as positive as possible—always. That doesn’t mean we don’t fight or argue, or that our relationship is rainbows and butterflies all the time. But it does mean that even when we’re having some of our most heated arguments and we have to get off the phone, we stop all of that to wish each other a good night, express our love to each other, and remind each other that despite the arguments we’re having, that we will always be here for each other through thick and thin.

We’ve learned to make it a habit to talk about the difficult things, too.

We don’t just forget an argument happened the next day if our moods are different. We have to talk about what happened in order to avoid having a similar argument in the future. Our relationship is stressful enough just because he’s

behind bars. There’s no use making it any more stressful than it already is.

Which leads me to the most important lesson I’ve learned in the last two years—to never lose myself through this. It is okay to put myself first sometimes. It’s okay to put my well-being first and to make sure I’m good. Because to be completely honest, if I’m not okay, there is no way he will be.

To be honest, I think the biggest mistake a lot of folks with loved ones on the inside make is that they act like they’re in there with them. We’re not. It’s okay to say we’re not. It’s okay to appreciate our freedom and to exercise autonomy. It’s okay if we can’t put money on their books because we don’t have it, because we have to pay our bills, or because we want to buy something cute for ourselves.

Because the more we guilt ourselves and the less we practice self-care (whatever that means for us—some yoga, a mani-pedi, or spending all day at home binging our favorite show) the less we’ll be able to be there for our loved ones when it really matters. And to be honest, the less we make sure we’re good, the less we’ll be able to last for an entire bid.

At the end of the day, my goal is to make this relationship last in the midst of almost insurmountable odds. Because prison is insurmountable. So we can’t let those people break us, too.

They’ve already caged our hearts.

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PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis): A Pill to prevent HIV

By Tommy Young-Dennis, Nebraska AIDS Project Condoms and TASP (Treatment as Prevention) were once thought to be the only methods to prevent the transmission of HIV. This changed in 2012 with PrEP. PreExposure prophylaxis, otherwise known as PrEP, is a prescription drug in which a person who is HIV negative can take to prevent the transmission of HIV. Truvada and (as of 2019) Descovy are two prescription drugs that can be used as part of the preventative treatment which is 99% effective.

But who should take PrEP? The CDC recommends the following individuals take PrEP: • Sexually active gay and bisexual men without HIV • Sexually active heterosexual men and women without HIV • Sexually active transgender persons without HIV • Persons without HIV who use injection drugs

How Does PrEP work?

The CDC states- Studies have shown that PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV from sex by about 99% when taken consistently.

Among people who inject drugs, PrEP reduces the risk of getting HIV by at least 74% when taken consistently. Since PrEP does not protect against other STDs, use condoms or protective barriers the right way every time you have sex .

How to access PrEP? It is important to understand that PrEP is not an over-thecounter medication and can only be prescribed by a doctor. In addition to being prescribed, there are routine testing that must be completed every three months through a blood draw to stay on PrEP. Doctors will also routinely check in on risk factors in efforts to assess if PrEP is a good fit for you.

How much does PrEP cost?

Although PrEP was once valued at 1500.00 a month for a 30day supply, PrEP has been made easily affordable with cooperation through drug companies and local agencies. In most cases it [PrEP] can be free if you meet certain income requirements.

Is PrEP a cure for HIV? It is important to know that although PrEP is highly effective in preventing transmission it is not to be confused as a cure for HIV nor does it protect you from other Sexually Transmitted Infections like gonorrhea or chlamydia.

If you are interested in accessing PrEP post release, please contact your local health department or AIDS Service Organization. If you want to explore this pre-release, contact your medical center. If they will not assist, reach out to Black & Pink

art by Allen M. (TX)

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A Review of “The Meaning of Life: The Case for Abolishing Life Sentences” by Marc Mauer and Ashley Nellis

By Christopher S. (SC) More than 200,000 people are serving life sentence in the United States. That’s more lifers than in any other country. And despite declining crime rates, their number is growing.

In “The Meaning of Life: The Case for Abolishing Life Sentences,” Marc Mauer and Ashley Nellis of The Sentencing Project succeed in drawing from a wide range of sources plenty of evidence to make their case against life imprisonment.

They explain how life sentences conflict with human rights norms, contradict the principles of rehabilitation, contribute to mass incarceration and result in diminishing returns for public safety as prisoners “age out” of criminal behaviors. Life sentences disproportionately affect vulnerable populations and people of color while having little or no deterrent effect on crime.

The book provides a road map for research-based criminal justice reform and policy recommendations at a time when there is bipartisan support for decarceration in America.

“To lay the groundwork for a realistic challenge to mass incarceration and to provide a better approach to public safety,” the authors write, “sentences in American prisons should be capped at a maximum of 20

If those funds were reallocated to re-entry services, education, employment, housing and substance abuse treatment in under-resourced neighborhoods, the book argues, they would produce better outcomes for public safety.

years, except in circumstances in which the individual still represents a clear threat to public safety.”

Mauer and Nellis thoroughly debunk the notion that life sentences are an alternative to the death penalty. They show that life imprisonment is a more protracted form of the death penalty with less procedural safeguards and public scrutiny.

At the top of the sentencing scale, life sentences exert upward pressure on the severity of all other sentences, resulting in longer prison terms that distort how criminal justice resources are allocated. Aging prisoners cost twice as much as younger prisoners to house and are far less likely to re-offend.

Spread throughout the book are six profiles of lifers, written by award-winning author and former lifer, Kerry Myers. It’s hard to read the profiles without pangs of sympathy for these six people. Lifers are condemned to live in hopelessness and despair, with little reason to pursue an education or refrain from violence. But these stories reveal, again and again, that humans have the capacity for positive change and personal transformation. They deserve a chance at redemption.

“It is long past time to join the rest of the democratic world by scaling down the excessive nature of punishment that has become the hallmark of mass incarceration.” It’s time to end life imprisonment.

For more information, visit endlifeimprisonment.org.

Christopher S. is serving a life without parole sentence in the South Caroline Dept. of Corrections.

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Whose Harm is It Anyways?

By David Booth, Deputy Executive Director of Black & Pink Trigger Warning This wasn’t an easy post for me to write. I’ve not been all that open about my experience with sexual harm while I was incarcerated, nor have I gone into much depth about it. There are still moments where my breath catches or when I’m enjoying bedroom moments and I forget that I’m safe. Moments where the harm feels so present. I imagine many of you navigate similar moments. I am honoring that space and your healing journey with a warning for the following article. While not explicit, It might bring up uncomfortable or triggering emotions.

Please honor your boundaries and take care of your emotional needs. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, I encourage you to take a sharp inhale through your nose. Hold your breath for three seconds. Then exhale fully out of your mouth. Repeat twice more, then check in with your needs to see if you can continue reading. This article will be here later so I invite you to pause and come back to it later.

Trigger Warning

“Do you wanna be my girlfriend?”

Judging from the way he looked at me, this wasn’t a negotiation and much less an ask. Asking me to be his girlfriend told me all I needed to know. I was the weaker body here. No, this was a demand and saying no wasn’t an option. I did what I needed to escape from incarceration alive.

Even all these years later I can still sometimes feel the pressure of his hand on the back of my head urging him to completion.

I never reported him. PREA standards weren’t mandated by my home state at that point.

I wondered whether anyone would believe me. The laundry room, where it happened, was the only place in the facility that wasn’t monitored by cameras. Usually a CO stood

guard. We slipped down there for warmth while laundry was being delivered around the unit.

A part of me also wondered if I deserved the harm. What finalized my decision to keep silent was prior experience.

The last time I spoke out, my voice was muted. I didn’t expect things to be different this time around either, more so because I was incarcerated.

Would there really be “justice” for someone like me?

I’ve mostly navigated through processing the experience, but there are still moments where I realize this harm changed me. Some of these moments are small, but jammed with meaning, where I fear being alone with larger male bodies.

Other moments are reinforced, where my body is a transaction.

My worth is captured in the disbursement of pleasure granted by the transaction. Still others are more of a swirling mass of moments cascading into rivers of hurt, ebbing and flowing from past to present.

The #metoo movement illuminated so many stories like my own and exposed the harm inflicted. It created space for difficult but needed conversations across the country in ways we’ve not seen before. Powerful men were held accountable for their actions.

Celebrities used their platforms to speak out. Space was carved out for more people to feel achingly comfortable in their vulnerability. Rape culture is losing its edge, but we must do more. We need to actively work to transform the narrative of shame that has privileged

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boundaries within relationships (both with ourselves and with other people). Instead it teaches us that our sexual feelings are wrong; and, by extension, we are “bad” or shameful for having those feelings in the first place. The result is a squirreling away of any and all sexual behavior, pleasurable or not, and letting the potential for harm germinate. Avoidance may be the root of sexual harm, but the blossom is shame.

art by Kate Morales, justseeds.org

people causing sexual harm and silenced those experiencing sexual harm.

This narrative transformation starts with sex education, which is failing miserably in the United States. Just over half of states require public schools teach sex education. Ten states don’t require teaching about HIV. 36 states allow parents to opt their children out of sex education.

Even when sex education is taught, it is usually centered on avoiding sexual risk through abstinence. What’s worse is that far too many trans and queer

youth sit in classrooms listening to curriculum that doesn’t address their experiences, identities, or behaviors. Far too many of our youth are left wondering, “What about my body? What about my needs?”

Relying on avoidance, instead of honest conversations about desire, identity, and consent, leads to shame and confusion about pleasure and a lack of agency over who we are as sexual beings. It complicates our ability to express desire in ways that respect boundaries and allows us to negotiate

We deserve better. Sex education should take a harm reeducation approach, meeting people where they are at in their sexual needs. Sex is a risky activity. Full stop. Not talking about the risk in healthy and affirming ways leads to all sorts of harm from coerced sex and sexually transmitted infections to unwanted pregnancies and the hyper-policing and criminalization of bodies. Instead we need to talk about how to mitigate the risk.

Risk mitigation starts with providing the tools to empower fully autonomous and liberated sexual bodies. These tools include asking before touching, creating supportive and affirming networks when a sexual experience feels uncomfortable or harmful, practicing how to say and enforce “No” as a full demand for respecting boundaries, and decoupling desire from social expectations of what is sexually and gender appropriate.

We must also learn to sit in the uncomfortability that sexual

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Black & Pink News

harm doesn’t happen in a vacuum. Each of us, whether we realize or accept it or not, has also caused sexual harm.

It’s not always in the form of rape or sexual abuse, but we have. Sometimes the form is in not receiving affirming consent.

Other times it takes the form of subtle manipulation to fulfill a sexual desire or need.

Maybe there was unprotected sex outside your relationship with someone else. It might also show up as an unwanted sexually suggestive comment about someone else. All of these forms are examples of violating boundaries, whether spoken, unspoken, or assumed.

Can we really work to eliminate rape culture if we can’t first confront it in ourselves?

roots with attitudes of shame and blame or feeding them accountability and respect?

Accountability is an intentional decision to commit to learning and growth, to set expectations and standards for your needs, and to hold space for complexity and nuance. Accountability is holding that we all are moving through experiences of harm, both as someone causing it and someone experiencing it.

Accountability is recognizing your responsibility when harm happens and committing to making amends that feel like justice for the person who was harmed. Just because harm happened to you doesn’t negate the harm you caused to another person. Accountability is naming your power and privilege.

Interrogating our root systems of harm allows us to control what blossoms. Are you feeding your

Respect is recognizing each of us as full humans with complex and diverse desires and needs that

art by Jory S. (NY)

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

must be met without insisting on certain people holding more privilege because their bodies are socially seen as more sexually desirable and gender appropriate. Respect is meeting people where they are at with acts of care and understanding.

Accountability and respect encourages open and honest dialogue on sex, sexuality, gender identity and expression, and all the intersectional nuances in between; thus allowing each of us to determine our sexual liberation. By changing the attitude around harm, we transform avoidance into action and shame into sexual liberation.

Are you ready and committed to feeding accountability and respect so sexual liberation can blossom?

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Letters from our Inside Family Dear Black and Pink Family, My 8 year sexual abuse in my younger years was not my fault at all and I forgave my mother along with many others who physically and sexually abused me. Yes, it took me a long time to forgive these people but the hardest person to forgive was myself. I blamed myself for being born and my abuse, believing God hated me so much that He planned my whole future to fail.

I said I believed this before I started my forgiveness process.

Because of my abuse, it left me confused about my sexuality.

I enjoy sex with bottom men more than women. I stopped the bottom action at the age of 19 because it caused me to have too many flashbacks. I started to date all bottoms. You could have called me a hoe back then but I thought having sex like that was normal because I was raised that way. And luckily I didn’t end up with HIV or AIDS or some incurable STD. I am now in a same-sex relationship and we are both faithful and in love with each other. He’s never been locked up before and is waiting for me to come home so we can build on our future together.

I call him Too-Tough because he tried his best to handle me and that turned me on and caused me to fall in love with him and he felt the same. But we all get a blessing with true love once in a lifetime and when it comes, hold on to it for dear life.

Some of you may know me by the name of Mr. Echo but now I am just Detrick D. from New Jersey that will be living a normal life when released. I gave up gang banging and going to Islamic services. I did not give up my religion though and Allah will judge me accordingly to the Quran. But this is the first time I been happy in my whole life and I will not give that up for anything. I never had happiness until Allah blessed me with me soulmate and I will never trade this love we have for anything or anyone, FACTS. I have daughters and they are so happy that I changed, got help for myself and my eyes is not dark anymore. Even my ex wife is so happy for me and we became the best of friends because we started off as friends anyway.

My life took a 100% turn and I never in a million years thought this would ever happen to me. So I will love to say to my LGBTQ family and those who are still in the closet, God will bless you with true love as long as you be true to who you are and give that love back to the mate He sends your way.

Now this is for those who love to judge. You judge because you have a secret of your own swinging on that rusty hanger in your closet. You know you want to be with and cute ass gay dude and made that ol boy got the balls to snatch that cute gay dude up and you don’t want

your homeboys to clown you or kick your ass but in reality, out of two or three of your homeboys, they are thinking the same way as you are or even checking you out, FACT. So stop judging and sit your undercover gay ass down somewhere.

I love you all.

Your brother in arms, Detrick D. (NJ) Hey, my brothers and sisters.

Let me say this to you all. When a person gets mad, they say something they don’t mean at the time. So please forgive them for the things they say and don’t abandon them and don’t kick them out and don’t make them feel like they are not wanted around. And don’t hurt them.

Well, I got mad and said something mean to someone that I didn’t mean to say. I was mad at the time and I was not thinking straight at the time. Yes it is hard to stop and think at the time because you are so mad right now and I know after you calm down you regret it after it is done and said. And you didn’t mean to say it and it is wrong to abandon that person and punish them because they got you so mad.

Yes, I understand you but work differences out and the problem can be fixed and just learn from your mistake and don’t say that word again ever.

We as a gay community have

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X 1

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1855 - Osceola leads fight against forced Seminole removal

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4 X

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1950 - Puerto Rican activists attempt to assassinate U.S. President Truman Day of the Dead (Mexico) Daylight Savings Time ends

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1979 - NJ: Assata Shakur liberated from Clinton Women’s Prison

last quarter

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Mawlid al-Nabi (Shi’a)

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1970 - NY: Rebellion at Auburn prison

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1831 - VA: Slave rebel Nat Turner hanged 1887 - IL: Haymarket martyrs hanged 1972 - NJ: Work strike at Clinton Women’s Prison

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new moon

1955 - Nigerian writer/ activist Kenule Beeson “Ken” Saro-Wiwa dies

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Veteran’s Day (U.S.) Remembrance Day (Canada)

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1969 - Chicago: BPP member Spurgeon “Jake” Winters murdered by police

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Diwali

first quarter

2018 - Mujahid Farid dies

X 22 2011 - Alleged G20 coconspirators strike plea bargain together that frees 11 while 6 serve jail terms

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1983 - Mexico: The Zapatista National Liberation Army is born

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full moon

1999 - Seattle, WA: Demonstrations against the WTO

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1803 - Victory of Haitian revolutionaries in antislavery & independence struggle at Vertières

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International Day Against Violence Against Women

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X 26 Day of Mourning (Colonial holiday known as U.S. Thanksgiving Day)

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1969 - Alcatraz Island: Indian occupation demands return of island to original inhabitants

1922 - Leavenworth Prison: Ricardo Flores Magon assassinated

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Nuh Washington, deeply soulful ex-member of the Black Panthers and of the Black Liberation Army who had been a political prisoner for close to 30 years, was dying of liver cancer, a product of Hepatitis C from a blood transfusion decades earlier. We weren’t mourning his terminal illness, we were celebrating being together, with lively political discussions, remembering old times, jokes, and laughter. A few minutes before regular visiting hours ended, a prisoner orderly, one who really respected Nuh, came down to take him back up to the infirmary.

As Nuh was being wheeled away, I said to him, one more time, “Happy Birthday!” He looked back at me, his eyes glistening with joy and said, “It has been!” He died on April 28, 2000. His immense contribution to the struggle and his shining spirit live on. - David Gilbert. See full article at certaindays.org

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Letters from our Inside Family

to understand that everybody’s mind works different and we don’t all think the same. We are not all the same person in the world so I am asking you to forgive them and talk it out and don’t abandon them and kick them out of the gay community.

We all need to get along with each other and help one another out with whatever it is if they need something or whatever it be. If it is, just have a talk about a problem or about life. I am truly sorry for what I said. We all are together as one world no matter what race we are so help your brothers and sisters out and stick together no matter what it is. Love each other.

Yours truly, Baby Snow (TX)

Hi, y’all! I’m Kasey Renee.

facilities? Specifically, whether GA DOC fails to protect LGBTs from harm by both staff and prisoners. Yep. Me bein a trans woman I’m constantly keepin the DOJ aware of the shit that I and other LGBTs go through.

Most recently, I reported my suspicion that I’ve been retaliated against by staff for sendin reports to the DOJ. The retaliation was: instead of transferrin me to a work release program as mandated by the parole board, they transferred me to a prison that’s very LGBTunfriendly and violent.

Over here, staff house me in a very violent building. Before, I could put my belonging in my locker, my life was threatened by several inmates and made the staff come get me, saying they were not having any “”fa**ots”” in their dorm. Staff told me

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that since there’s nowhere safe to put me, I have to be in the hole. WTF?!? I’m supposed to be in a work release program, not here!!! November 20, 2019 marked 12 years for me, I’m ready to get out. I’ve been in the hole 3.5 weeks so far. More often than not I get fucked with by staff. I cry a lot. As bad as it is for me, I keep in mind that things could be worse. Until I came here, my time was f**kin sweet compared to the shit a lotta y’all go through in prisons in other states.

Girls, keep your head up, be safe, never give up, never stop, fightin’ for justice. Always remember that for each day that goes by is one day closer to gettin’ out.

From Georgia with love, Kasey Renee (GA)

Today’s one of those gloomy wet days - the kinda day where I just feel like, blah. As I’m writin this, it’s rainin. I’m in the hole. Thankfully, my window isn’t covered over so I can see outside and also at the bottom is a vent that not only allows in fresh air but also the sound of birds and the rain. The sounds are very pleasant.

Did y’all know that DOJ has GA DOC under a CRIPA (Civil Rights of Institutionalized Person Act, 41 USC 1997) investigation, which authorizes them to investigate and remedy systemic problems in both state and local

art by Whilaranne (UT)

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Letters from our Inside Family

Black & Pink, I have to say, this Thanksgiving even behind these white brick walls, I am more thankful for more things in my young life that I didn’t realize last holiday season.

Even tho it feels rough to spend it in here, I’m happy to list the following things I’m thankful for.

Now, not everyone will agree, all they can do is try to understand.

One, I was raised around amazing women even when I wanted it differently. Still, I wouldn’t have it any other way cause it’s not what I wanted but it was what I needed. I am also thankful for all the good, bad and ugly I went through in my life cause I came out stronger and made me out to be a fighter. Proud to have loved the people I lost cause God gave me the chance to do so before hand. Another thing I’m thankful, believe it or not, before coming to prison, I was living an unrealistic lost and angry life and was not happy with things.

I knew the life I was living was criminal, I would have ended up worse or dead. Coming to prison saved my life, I think this was the way God grabbed my attention so he can work on me.

And to that I am thankful. Told ya you few would not agree but I think you understand in a way. Thankful to my mom and grandparents still on my side, supporting through this journey while I work my behind off in all my self help recovery groups.

I wanted to mail some new photos and artwork to my mom as a gift. She told me the only gift I could give her that means the most is my wellbeing, my hard work and change in my recovery groups and for me to stay out of trouble and any harm. Cause if she did not have me to call or have me in her life, she would lose her sanity. She really knows how to pull on the heartstrings cause she got me to tear up.

Another reason to be thankful for this holiday season is where I come from. A lot of young men die at a young age due to a lifestyle they’re brought up in for whatever reason for it. I’m 25 years old and blessed to have made it to 25, that I’m alive and healthy. Thankful for my true friends and family who love and care for the real me as I am.

Thank you is not enough.

I’d like to mention how thankful for each and every person who had a positive and powerful impact in my life before, now and after these walls because you did the most. You’ve seen me beyond my imperfections in one or more ways. You gave and helped me learn new tools for my life. You know who you are.

Thanks for your understanding, patience, support in all forms and putting aside judgment and differences. I am thankful to have an opportunity to have and earned a second chance for a better me , a better life and future. Another chance to see freedom, friends, family and

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future relationships with those around me.

Finally but not forgotten, I am blessed and thankful for all the lawmakers, peacemakers, government and country I live in and the people who serve and protect our nation with everything they have. Thank you is never good enough. All these things I am thankful for this Thanksgiving and Holiday season. Some of us don’t actually cherish these things until its no longer there.

Til pen meets paper, take care and happy holiday.

Your friend, Lee (CA)

My dearest Black & Pink Family, It’s your boy Acheron and it’s been a long time since I’ve written! I hope all of you are in good health and in good spirits!

I am writing this because there are things that I would like to get off my chest. I’ve been locked up almost 12.5 years now and until recently, the LGBTQIA community has always been like a family! Every unit that I’ve been on, all the community viewed each other as brothers, sisters, siblings and family. I don’t know how many of my siblings that are currently incarcerated view the world as I do but I do feel like the LGBTQIA community on my unit

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Letters from our Inside Family

of assignment are family!

Six months ago, I was transferred to a new I.D. Unit and my view of the community became an oddity to those around me. Here on this unit, if a guy is in a relationship with one of these girls, he can’t speak with any other on this unit. Now forgive me but I am loyal to a fault and don’t flirt with anyone when I’m with someone. The gay, bi and transgender people are my siblings and as such, I cannot push them aside.

However, I was in a relationship for 2.5 months with a transgender sister here and because I sat down with another transgender sister who was having problems with her celly and talked to her in chow hall during chow, it caused a whole bunch of trouble!

So I say these things: First, to my sisters out there in the free world and definitely to those in prison: STOP, think about the man you’re in a relationship with. Has he ever gave you a reason to mistrust him? If not, then trust him and quit worrying about who he’s talking to! If he’s someone who goes out of his way to help people (as I do) then let him do so! When you tell your sisters to stay away from your husband and tell him not to speak with his sisters, you isolate him! When your man is isolated and ignored by those people whom are his community, while he may deny it, it depresses him and (in my case) causes him a bunch of anger! By

isolating him, you tell him you can’t trust him to be loyal, despite what he says and shows.

Also, remember that there will always be those who are dumb as f**k and will abuse the trust you give them. But they are the exception, NOT the rule. Treat every relationship in its own light, not the shadow of a past relationship. There is an old saying “”you only see that which you are looking for.”” If you’re looking for only the bad, you’ll miss the good. You’ll miss the forest for the trees.

Second, to all my brothers, pull your head out of your asses and get a good look at the world around you. You must know your worth and not lower yourself to someone else’s level. There are a lot of very good prospective partners out there and it’s up to you to find the right one for you.

I must impress upon you that every relationship has its ups and downs and all couples, be it gay, straight, lesbian or any combination or clarification, will argue and have to adjust to one another. It is up to us to work through the problems with our partners but it is also up to us to know when it’s just not gonna happen. If your partner respects you enough to give you their full trust then be the man you’re meant to be and be worthy of that trust.

To all my family, please understand that every relationship requires three things: trust, integrity and communication. I believe there

is also a fourth thing as well: compromise. I honestly believe that relationships require 40 percent compromise and 20 percent each of honesty, integrity and communication.

Compromise requires us to let go of certain long held views or practices and embracing some new values held by our partners.

That being said, if you get in a relationship and then change the person you’re with, they’ll end up hating you for it. No, compromise is both partners molding themselves until they perfectly meld into one. Think about the yin-yang symbol, the balance between opposite forces is what we should aim for in our relationships.

I will close this here. Please remember my family, I love all of you more than words can express and I don’t know any of you! It is only by standing together in these times of pandemics and upheaval that we can become better. We have to stand together, raise each other up and not tear each other down! Our community faces enough outside battles for us to tear ourselves apart from the inside! May the goddess bless the path laid before you and all your days be blessed Blessed be, Acheron

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Harden rocks. LOL. But that’s not a big issue, that will change ASAP. Being held back for now is nothing more than a “”Divine Delay.”” God is still in control, I HOPE. Family, I am dealing with depression. I have to fight to protect myself from bullies.

I miss my friends and family and sometimes I feel all alone.

I am trying to keep it together so I started writing down my prayers. Can I share one with you?

art by Shaylanna L. (NY)

Hello Black & Pink Family!

This your sista, Turbo! How y’all doing? Hope you all are doing well! Family, I stopped by to say hello and let you know I love you all! I am so thankful for the Black & Pink Newsletter, through them I found ABO Comix and I became a published author. I am PROUD of myself.

How many of y’all submitted a story to them? Did y’all get published? I hope so, if you all did not submit an essay/story for their publication, you missed out on a good opportunity to be heard and to receive a small financial blessing.

Better luck next time, carpe diem!

Black & Pink Family, pray for me, it’s a struggle being Black, trans and beautiful. Someone is always trying to steal your joy or your canteen. I am stuck in Admin- Segregation awaiting transfer to another MODOC facility and I am struggling.

COVID-19 has changed everything. We cannot get haircuts in Ad-Seg because of policy and COVID-19. So many of us who have been down here for a while have beards that resemble the one James

Peace of God, flood my mind!

Send your Holy Spirit! Holy Spirit, be my divine center for within you, I know there is no sorrow. My health, harmony, love, prosperity, peace, hopes and perfections are made manifest on me, by you. I lay down all my heavy burdens. I trust that you will take care of me. I am now relaxed and at ease, I am content, happy, calm and serene. I believe your power and compassion are working to strengthen me. Please help me Creator to live my best life.

I now stir up the gifts of God within me and NOW all is well. It is well with my soul. Amen.

Black & Pink family, I hope you all can use that prayer in your times of trouble so that you may be comforted. We need comfort in a comfortless place. Well, family, I do not have any more to add! Reap what you have sown, family! It’s yours!

In solidarity, Turbo (MO)

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Black & Pink News

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

Letters & Poetry from our Inside Family Only One Time It only took one kite And now I’m in da cell with you Now you’re stuck with me.

Because I’m yo wife.

Baby if you only knew how much I truly feel bout you You would know you have a Ride or die b*tch.

Because I’m your Bonnie And you’re my Clyde One one time You sent that kite to play it off The same nite we hooked up.

Damnit Baby only one time And you got me hooked to you When you got done f**king me I was like O-my-god Only one time

Baby you’re the realest n**ga I have found In four years of being in dis place Called ADC You’re the best thing to me.

Only one time, only one time I’m like o-my-god Only one time I got your c**k and it got me sprung For all my sisters in dis hell Called ADC or DOC I hope you all can find A n**ga like mines And to all my brothers I hope you can find A good/real bitch like me Much love to all my brothers and sisters

PS - Dedication: to my loving husband, to love you with all my heart, mind, body, soul and strength, etc. Baby you are my life, I love you baby daddy. Keep yo head up, we will make it no matter what :) I’m glad I got you in my life and you is mines and only mines. And the rest of these girls and homosexuals want you and can’t have you. I love you babe, for life and death :) XOXO Diamond (AR)

Sometimes I feel let down, Lucks not on my side, My mind is memories Of the things left behind I keep my troubles to myself now This world don’t need to know But I won’t be surprised if One day the start to show Going down that lonely highway Destination unknown Thought I knew where I was going But now I don’t know - Charles S. (KY)

The Power of Perceptions

art by Marbles (OR)

Today was the absolute worst day ever & don’t try to convince me that there something good in every day because when you look a bit

Volume 11, Issue 5

closer the word is a pretty evil place even if ... some goodness does shine through once in a while satisfaction and happiness don’t last & it’s not true that it’s all in the mind & heart because ... true happiness can be attained only if ones surroundings are good it’s not true that good exists i’m sure you can agree with that the reality creates my attitude it’s all beyond my control & you will never in a million years hear me say today was a very good day *Now Read the Bottom Line First all the way to the top* - Kayla B (NV)

Jail House Love You came 2 me out of nowhere When I was at my lowest self Because never n a million years did I think that the touch of a man could help ...

But you became the one I could talk 2 about life’s uncertain fears All those nights you laid in my arms letting me know there’s nothing wrong with a man shedding tears ...

Sometimes it just took a hug that would most likely end with a kiss You had me throwing CAUTION 2 the wind

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blackandpink.org

4 a chance 2 experience the passion, that I’d grown 2 miss A body hard yet also soft with a sexual need, identical 2 mine Bringing feels out of me that I tried sooo hard 2 block out of my mind ...

Learning each other’s bodies making love until the early light In the morning, facing the world and the haters 2gether as our love 4 each other shines bright You’ve become my other half the pride & affection 4 another man I never thought I’d ever become attracted 2 the same sex and because of you, I proudly can say I am ...

But you don’t have 2 worry I can’t 4get someone I’ve grown 2 love Because of you I’m able 2 live my life n the open and no one can take the place n my heart of my Jail House Love - Dr. Lee B. (MO)

Ostracized - Check Criticized - Check Minimized - Check This has been my life since the day I came out / My family couldn’t wrap their heads around what I was talking about / But since that day, I’ve been openly gay and I can honestly say that I’m proud / ”Open” - Striker (CA)

There’s three things you can feel towards things in life.

You can hate, you can not care and you can love.

Hate is evil, envy and jealousy.

Hates makes you angry, sad and miserable.

And why care about anything when you know what ever you lost, God will give 3x back what you lost.

And why care when you know things will still go as planned in the end.

And love ... love is warm when it’s cold outside.

Love is the light when it’s dark.

Love makes hard things easy.

Love is the sun that helps the trees grow.

Love is good for the soul. Love is free and easy.

When you love, you are at peace. SO DON’T HATE, DON’T CARE, JUST LOVE !!!

DeAndre W. (GA)

Page 30

Black & Pink News

SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER 2020

Call for Submissions Seeking erotic short stories, poems, and art by Black & Pink incarcerated and free-world family members for a new zine. To be mailed, art cannot include full nudity. Please send submissions addressed to Black & Pink — HOT PINK. This is a voluntary project, and no money will be offered for submissions, but you might get the chance to share your spicy story with many other readers! The zine will be sent one or two times per year.

To subscribe to upcoming issues of HOT PINK, write to our address, Black & Pink — HOT PINK.

Black & Pink Mailing Information Write to us at: Black & Pink — [see table below] 6223 Maple St. #4600 Omaha, NE 68104 Please note that you can send multiple requests/ topics in one envelope! Due to concerns about consent and confidentiality, you cannot sign up other people for the newspaper. However, we can accept requests from multiple people in the same envelope. There’s no need to send separate requests in more than one envelope.

If you are being released and would still like to receive the Black & Pink News, please let us know where to send it!

Penpal program info: LGBTQ+ people who are incarcerated can list their information and a short non-sexual ad online where people can see it and write. There will be forms in upcoming issues Mail info: We are several months behind on our mail. There will be a delay, but please keep writing!

Email us: members@blackandpink.org

If you would like to request:

Address the envelope to:

Newspaper Subscriptions, Address Change, or Volunteering

Black & Pink — General

Newspaper Submissions — Stories, Articles, Poems, Art

Black & Pink — Newspaper Submissions

Black & Pink Organization or Newspaper Feedback

Black & Pink — Feedback

Black & Pink Religious Zine

Black & Pink — The Spirit Inside

Advocacy Requests (include details about the situation and thoughts about how calls or letters might help)

Black & Pink — Advocacy

Submit to or request Erotica Zine

Black & Pink — HOT PINK

Stop Your Newspaper Subscription

Black & Pink — STOP Subscription

Volume 11, Issue 5

blackandpink.org

Page 31

A CALL FOR ART

Soon, Black & Pink will draft an annual report covering what we have all accomplished in the last year.

So many members of our inside family are truly talented artists and we’d love to share some of your skills with the rest of our family. There will be no payment for this particular contest but your work may be shared within our annual report.

We would love to see visual art based on the following prompts: • What does abolition look and/or feel like?

• What does community love/care feel like?

• What does the world look like when everyone has what they need?

Please send your completed art to the below address. We cannot guarantee that your work will be returned so please be mindful of this when sending. If you need it to be returned, please write your address on the back of the piece. It may be a few months before you get it back. Please be certain to write ANNUAL REPORT ART on the envelope.

Black & Pink — Annual Report Art 6223 Maple St. #4600 Omaha, NE 68104 As always, we can’t wait to see your work!

art by Yash Pradan, courtesy of amplifier.org