INTIMATE PARTNER ABUSE, SURVIVAL AND RESILIENCE While romantic relationships can be beautiful and affirming for prisoners, they can also be harmful and abusive, just as they can be for people outside of prison. A third of respondents experienced some combination of emotional, physical, sexual, cultural and/or financial abuse in one or more romantic partnerships in prison. That percentage is higher than the statistic often cited that 1 in 4 LGBTQ people experience intimate partner violence nationwide.2
93% 62% No, 53%
Yes, 47%
42%
36%
14%
Whether respondent has ever been in an abusive relationship in prison and, if yes, what kind(s) of abuse were present Respondents: 726 &342, respectively Eighty-two percent of respondents did not know of any institutional resources that could help them if they were attempting to leave an abusive relationship. The 18% of respondents who had some idea about available institutional resources mostly referred to PREA. Everyone who claimed knowledge of resources attested that most were untrustworthy and did not attempt to use them, or did little to nothing to intervene or protect themselves from intimate partner abuse. Respondents who offered their own solutions to ending abusive relationships mostly did so without direct institutional support. A few respondents were able to enlist the support of friends or fight back on their own. One respondent wrote, “I ended my emotionally abusive relationship by sending him a note. I had the support of several friends close to me. I was worried when he moved back to the unit, but everything worked out.” However, not all prisoners have access to friends who will defend them. Most respondents found that the only viable resolution they had access to was distancing themselves from their partner by moving to a different housing unit or another facility altogether. One of the most common ways of distancing oneself from an abusive partner was to seek solitary confinement. However, a request to be held in solitary confinement to get away from another prisoner is not always granted. One respondent wrote, “I had to cut my wrist to get away because the officers wouldn't help. It was the only way.” Self-harm can be one way that prisoners get themselves out of abusive relationships, or other particularly dangerous situations, although doing so often forces them into mental health units that have their own detrimental consequences.
Below are stories LGBTQ prisoners shared about leaving abusive relationships in prison. In some cases, prisoners used homophobic policies and practices to either end or physically remove themselves from an abusive situation. In other cases, prisoners tried going through institutionally offered resources and were met with punishment for trying to access them. In all cases, there were no institutional support structures in place to deal directly with abuse crises or the trauma inflicted by abuse. ▼ I always run to solitary confinement...it's the only place i feel safe since i don't have any outside help to get placed on safekeeping. ▼ Made sure we got caught having sex so we'd go to the hole. ▼ I got stronger I refused to be her doormat. I kept myself away from her until I knew I could stand up for myself to her. ▼ Placed in solitary, and told family via letters ▼ One instance the person was shipped to another unit. The second, I finally got strong enough with encouragement and support from friends to walk away from the relationship. ▼ Cell mate threatened me. I reported the situation to the guard per PREA and published policy. I was punished by 18 days in the hole solitary confinement in disciplinary segregation unit. ▼ I transferred to another institution without telling my cellmate/abuser. ▼ Verbally broke it off, then had myself moved to the other side of the yard so as to ensure lack of contact, surround myself with those I felt safe with. ▼ Asked for help from prison staff. It only took them 18 months to listen, and then another 6 months to take action. ▼ Sometimes I set boundaries. Sometimes I move housing. ▼ By getting transferred or messing up and getting institutional charges/tickets so I'd go to segregation. ▼ I called my mom and she called the prison.