SEXUAL HEALTH: OCTOBER 2019
BLACK AND PINK NEWS
Artwork by Katy Galvin courtesy of amplifier.org
Artwork by Tenbeete Solomon courtesy of amplifier.org
Volume 9, Issue 6
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A message from Dominique...
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You own your body. You can say no. No is a complete sentence. Body autonomy is important. Love is a language. These truths and so many others were never introduced to me as a youth. I entered the world as an adult ill equipped to navigate my own body. Yes, I could walk and talk and maneuver the world but the power of engaging in my sexual health intentionally and being aware of the appropriate ways to navigate other individuals’ bodies was inaccessible. I didn’t feel ownership of my body. Of MYSELF. Incarceration intensified that. When you choice to say no or to go here or there is removed how do you process the concept of body autonomy. Especially when prior to incarceration through my path wyd (I brought you in this world and I’ll take you out) relationships (toxic and possessive) planted the seed that I wasn’t the sole owner and steward of this body. We receive so many letters asking about sexual orientation, presentation and gender identity. So many important and thoughtful questions that we don’t have the time to answer individually. So we created the Sexual Health Issue. Sexual Health is more than the act of “sex”. We want to address the health and wellness of your entire being. It’s so hard to think about wellness in a space inherently harmful. But it’s necessary. I remember thinking my life was on hold when
National Director Dominique Morgan with Black and Pink founder Jason Lydon. Dominique presented Jason with a key to The Lydon House in person in Chicago on October 13, 2019.
I was incarcerated. Telling myself I would prepare for life after prison when the gates opened. I was wrong. You don’t have to wait to be your best self. That journey can and SHOULD start today. I hope this issue is helpful. I hope you find moments of clarity and affirmation in this issue. This past week there was a major milestone for Black and Pink National. The first ever Black and Pink house was opened! Lydon House created history as the first LGBTQ2S+ living space in the state of Nebraska. The first (of many) community
living spaces across the country that Black and Pink will steward. This 5 bedroom house on a beautiful street in the heart of Omaha, Nebraska is like a dream. The Lydon House is named after our founder Jason Lydon. Without the 13 years Jason invested in Black and Pink we would not be able to have this moment. Spaces throughout the house will celebrate Black and Pink members as well. We will announce those over the next few months. There are so many things we are working on for you all. Continued on page 5
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In This Issue News you can use 5 Advocates Who Are Taking The Shame Out Of STIs pages 6-9 Black Men Loving Black Men Is A Revolutionary Act pages 10-12 How do Black Girls Navigate Sexuality When the World Insists that We Shouldn’t at All? pages 13-15 How to Respectfully Love a Trans Woman pages 16- 19 Toxic Masculinity pages 20-23 Election Survery page 25
Black & Pink family Letters pages 27-33 Poetry and Art pages 34-37
Black & Pink News Black & Pink Hotline The hotline phone number is (531) 600-9089. The hotline will be available Sundays, 1-5 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time) for certain. You can call at other times, as well, and we will do our best to answer your calls as often as possible. We are sorry that we can only accept prepaid calls at this time. The purposes of the hotline are: Supportive listening: Being in prison is lonely, as we all know. The hotline is here for supportive listening so you can just talk to someone about what is going on in your life. Organizing: If there are things going on at your prison—lockdowns, guard harassment, resistance, or anything else that should be shared with the public—we can help spread the word.
October 2019 work toward the abolition of the prison-industrial complex (PIC) is rooted in the experiences of currently and formerly incarcerated people. We are outraged by the specific violence of the PIC towards LGBTQ people, and we respond through advocacy, education, direct service, and organizing. Black & Pink is proudly a family of people of all races and ethnicities. About Black & Pink News Since 2007, Black & Pink free world volunteers have pulled together a monthly newspaper, composed primarily of material written by our family’s incarcerated members. In response to letters we receive, we send the newspaper to more prisoners every month! Black & Pink News currently reaches more than 9,400 prisoners!
Give us a call! (531) 600-9089 Sundays, 1-5 p.m. EST
We look forward to hearing from you! This is our first attempt at this so please be patient with us as we work it all out. We will not be able to answer every call, but we will do our best. We apologize to anyone who has been trying to get through to the hotline with no success. We are still working out the system. Thank you for being understanding. Restrictions: The hotline is not a number to call about getting on the penpal list or to get the newspaper. The hotline is not a number to call for sexual or erotic chatting. The hotline is not a number for getting help with your current court case; we are not legal experts. Statement of Purpose Black & Pink is an open family of LGBTQ prisoners and “free world” allies who support each other. Our
Disclaimer The ideas and opinions expressed in Black & Pink News are solely those of the authors and artists and do not necessarily reflect the views of Black & Pink. Black & Pink makes no representations as to the accuracy of any statements made in Black & Pink News, including but not limited to legal and medical information. Authors and artists bear sole responsibility for their work. Everything published in Black & Pink News is also on the internet—it can be seen by anyone with a computer. By sending art or written work to “Newspaper Submissions,” you are agreeing to have it published in Black & Pink News and on the internet. In order to respect our members’ privacy, we publish only first names and state locations. We may edit submissions to fit our anti-oppression values and/or based on our own editing guidelines.
Volume 9, Issue 6
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Leadership curriculum facilitated through the newsletter, pen pal push programs and more. Stay tuned! The last thing I want to say is that in the next issue I will be announcing the guidelines for a contest to name the Black and Pink newsletter. For our 15th year we want to make sure the most important people (you all) have a hand in our day to day work. You will also find a questionnaire in this issue about the needs of incarcerated LGBTQ2S+ people and how presidential candidates can hear your voices directly. I love you all. I see all of your letters. I can’t reply to everyone but your kind words and affirmations keep me going. Until next time, Dominique Morgan Executive Director Black and Pink, Inc. Omaha, Nebraska
October 2019
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October 2019
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5 Advocates Who Are Taking The Shame Out Of STIs BY NATALIA LUSINSKI OCTOBER 1, 2018 bustle.com
Despite the messages we get from our sex-negative culture, it’s easy to think sexually transmitted infections (STIs) won’t affect you. But STIs can affect anybody — they don’t discriminate. At first, getting an STI diagnosis can be scary, surprising, shameful, you name it. That’s why it’s so important to have the right resources and support to fight through the stigma surrounding STIs. Luckily, there are certain advocates out there who will make getting the news — and living with an STI — more manageable and less stigmatized. Plus, these advocates often separate fact from fiction when it comes to making you more aware and knowledgeable about STIs overall. In a recent Bustle Trends Group survey of 226 women ages 18 to 34, one participant said the biggest stigma around women’s sexual health is, “If you have or have had an STI, it means you sleep around a lot.” Another’s response was, “That women are somehow less clean for having sex
courtesy of The Gender Spectrum Collection
(which makes it harder for them to come forward in the early stages of STIs).” Suffice it to say, knowledge is power, and that couldn’t be truer when it comes to being thoroughly educated about STIs.
expressing our sexuality,” she says.
“Anyone who has had sexual contact can get an STI — this includes men and women of all ages, nationalities, ethnic backgrounds, and economic levels,” Dr. Martha Tara Lee, relationship counselor and clinical sexologist of Eros Coaching, tells Bustle. “While we can do what we can to prevent them ... we may still get a STI.” She believes that education, communication, and safe sex are key. “It is important to not slut-shame or guilt-trip ourselves so much so that we stop living our lives and
1. Laureen HD
All that said, the five advocates below, who are all in favor of destigmatizing STIs, should definitely be on your radar.
Laureen HD has a YouTube channel dedicated to helping people cope with the herpes stigma. She first tried doing so through a blog and podcasts, but found that YouTube was the best forum for her. “I knew people would find my message more easily on YouTube, and that it would resonate much more if I could say it rather than write it,” she tells Bustle. She says the lack of YouTube about channels, too, that talked solely
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also made her want to start hers. “I couldn’t find a channel where a friendly face would consistently show up to help me make sense of what I was going through with herpes, and appease my worries about it,” she says. “[T]here are so many beauty or fashion channels and barely any channels on living with an STI, especially since herpes affects at least two-thirds of the global population under 50 years old.” She says she wanted to find others with herpes and remind them that they’re not alone. “And, through that, I’d remind myself that I’m not alone either,” she says. One thing Laureen HD likes people to keep in mind is that herpes is a skin condition — and its family includes chicken pox and shingles. “This is reassuring, because you’ve likely dealt with one of these before,” she says. “Also, knowing there are more people *with* herpes than *without* herpes in the world is reassuring, because you’re not alone.” Laureen HD also wishes that big brands would help destigmatize STIs. “I see more and more big brands talking about issues their audience goes through, or at least cares about, such as mental health, body image, sexism, etc.,” she says. “I hope brands will someday embrace STI stigma as one of those cultural conversations that needs more attention — because again, statistically, most of us have been there in some capacity.” She says this would help remind people that when you contract a curable or incurable STI, you are still 100 percent you and 100 percent worthy of love. 2. Dr. Evan Goldstein
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Dr. Evan Goldstein, CEO and founder of New York and Beverly Hills-based Bespoke Surgical, the established leader in providing elevated, concierge-style medical and surgical expertise for the gay community, also recently produced and launched a new video series, Tail Talks. “The web series features a round table of LGBT experts, movers and shakers, influencers, and medical professionals who discuss key issues in the community in entertaining, engaging, and informative dialogue,” Dr. Goldstein tells Bustle. Overall, through his digital marketing strategy, he utilizes several tactics to not only market his services, but also educate the public on wider health and sexual wellness issues affecting the LGBT community. He started becoming an advocate for sexual wellness issues toward the end of his studies, when surgical training collided with owning his sexuality. “I now think there was a higher purpose in this juncture, because it ended up playing a pivotal role in driving this advocacy,” he says. “Being trained as an osteopath — taking the whole body mind approach and tailoring it to the needs of my own community — has been instrumental to my success.” He said he noticed a serious gap in medical knowledge, which lacked literature on the proper engagement of gay sex. “It was then that I realized I could help change this,” he said. “Game on!” Dr. Goldstein thinks people need to be more open about STIs and breaking the stigma around them. “Shame and stigma are so powerful,” he says. “As a marginalized community that is constantly trying to maneuver obstacles,
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the taboo of this subject creates a sort of hidden forum that, unfortunately, won’t disappear until we attempt to destigmatize the narrative.” He also says that the more people talk and write about it, the more they force the hands of the popular press to freely acknowledge that sex is normal and a commonality amongst everyone — regardless of gender or sexuality. “By taking on the simple topic of STIs and normalizing the conversation, I hope to chip away at years of oppression, with the ultimate goal of removing any stigma that’s associated with them, as well.” Dr. Goldstein says that sexual health is a product of the decisions you make — most are innocuous, but some have serious consequences. “I don’t believe in preaching to my clients that they shouldn’t do something outright — it never works,” he says. “Instead, we discuss the potential risks involved and whether there are any proactive measures that can be taken to help minimize that risk. We all learned tremendously from the HIV epidemic, and it’s more important than ever to be educated, honest, and proactive about our sexual health — to me, nonjudgmental, non-biased health care is at the core of this movement.” 3. Josh Robbins Josh Robbins is an HIV/STI activist, as well as the spokesperson for DatingPositives, a social discovery platform for STI-positive (HIV, Herpes, Hepatitis, etc.) people, where you can chat, find love, hook up, or seek advice from others experiencing the same things. Robbins is known for his candor and shameless opinions, he tells Bustle, and he’s done a TED Talk,
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Robbins says that DatingPositives’ aim is to break the stigma against STIs by not only being a fun, fresh dating platform where people can feel safe, but also by providing resources to empower and entertain people through the site’s blog, WAXOH. “To us, it’s all about choice, and DatingPositives is a place where people can choose to go if they don’t want to deal with the negativity that can sometimes be found on mainstream apps, or worry about being judged for something that actually affects most people, whether we want to admit it or not,” Robbins says. He says that, according to a national survey they conducted with 643 people, most who are STIpositive — 72 percent, according to their results — are looking for a site that caters to the fact that they are living with a chronic STI. Robbins says he told his family within hours of his diagnosis and started to share it publicly within two weeks. “It’s important to talk about STIs, because the only way to reduce the stigma associated with them is through education and discussion,” he says. “I am someone that is still proud of myself, even with an HIV diagnosis. Nobody ever needs to feel shame.” He adds that it’s important for people to be honest about their sexual health with not only others, but also with themselves. “From there, the conversation becomes easier to discuss with a potential sexual partner or dating prospect, and it’s easier to build trust in a relationship,” he says. Say you’re STI-positive and are afraid to tell people. Robbins says the first step is figuring out where your fear is coming from. “Is it fear of rejection, is it feeling like your self-esteem is lowered,
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was it a traumatic experience in the past, or is it deeper,” he says. He says that many people struggle with things like reconciling their status after having had a religious upbringing. “Someone may need professional guidance on doing it, and that’s OK,” Robbins says. “Starting with honesty and thoughtful selfreflection made the path to living openly with an STI easier for me.” 4. Courtney Brame Courtney Brame is all about spreading positivity when it comes to living with an STI — and he does so through his podcast, Something Positive for Positive People (SPFPP). He started it after he was diagnosed with herpes and covers all kinds of topics to help others with herpes, as well as other STIs. “It’s a place that allows people to get experience based information about STIs and what living with them is like,” Brame tells Bustle. The podcast episodes cover a wide variety of topics, from a therapist doing a mock therapy session with Brame in light of an STI diagnosis to someone with herpes discussing how she dates, post diagnosis. “Shame is associated heavily with an STI diagnosis, so it’s important for people who develop the courage to even seek out these resources to safely be able to find them without fear of judgment or shame about having an STI,” Brame says. So, it’s important for resources like Something Positive for Positive People to exist, he says, since it meets people where they are with their diagnosis — the podcast is a place they can feel supported and comforted. He also says that it’s for people without an STI, as it’s still an important educational resource.
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“These resources show you more than what you may perceive a person living with an STI to be,” Brame says. “For instance, ‘promiscuous’ is a common word. However, stories from people who had herpes as a young child, HIV at birth, discovered 18 years after a blood transfusion that they are now AIDS positive challenges the misconception that a positive person had a lot of sexual partners to have been exposed to their condition.” He says that, hopefully, these stories encourage conversations about things such as sexual health, frequent testing, and precautions with new partners. He hopes that those with herpes, as well as other STIs, will feel less alone when they listen to SPFPP. “Plus, more people close to you than you would think are possibly dealing with the same situation you are,” he says. Brame says that when he was diagnosed with herpes, someone was a lighthouse for him and now he wants to be one to others. “This whole new world opened up to me after I began to seek out resources,” he says. “I didn’t know what I was looking for, but in the process, someone found me — had it not been for them reaching out and being there, I think I would’ve always seen having herpes as a big deal, so I encourage people to seek support.” 5. Jenelle Marie Pierce Jenelle Marie Pierce is not only the spokesperson for dating site PositiveSingles.com, but she also founded TheSTDProject.com. She launched the latter almost seven years ago and hopes it helps break the stigma against STIs. “I have genital herpes (mine is HSV2), and I’ve also had HPV
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“Although there were a lot of resources discussing the clinical information about transmission, symptoms, and treatment, there were very few people talking publicly about having an STI and what that’s like.” So, she started TheSTDProject.com. Over the years, it has grown into much more than its initial website. Now, it receives a little over 200,000 views per month and includes 12 websites, a podcast, and a YouTube channel. “My goal is to empower our readers and listeners to find the resources that serve them and support them best so that they can become their own advocates,” she says. “I think what makes The STD Project powerful is the personal stories — mine and those of others — because everyone is not going to relate to one person or one person’s experience,
but when you have hundreds of stories, all with a common theme, people are able to see themselves through someone else’s shared experience.” She hopes that the more stories are shared, the more people begin to understand and accept that an STI is not as tragic as society leads people to believe, she says. “I felt as though the stigma would never get better if I didn’t talk about how hard it had been for me and how I dealt with it, while also providing a safe space for others to share their perspectives.” As the spokesperson for PositiveSingles.com for the past few years, she says the site offers more than just dating — it’s a supportive community too. “What Positive Singles does well is allow for members to post journal
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entries, ask questions about symptoms and treatment, and connect with folks who have had similar experiences,” Pierce says. The number one question she hears after someone is newly diagnosed is, “How am I going to tell a new partner that I have _ infection?” “And even though we walk folks through how to approach disclosure without losing your mind, it can feel like an utterly terrifying thing to have to do,” Pierce says. “While I’ll be the first to say that someone who has an STI doesn’t have to only date people with the same STI, it’s a good way to get your feet wet after a diagnosis.” Once someone has had an STI for a while, they usually venture back into more traditional dating apps, she says. “Once they’ve realized that they’re the same person they were before, and they still have game, their confidence is restored,” she says. “A lot of folks have found partners through the app, but some of our success stories are about how people have met friends who’ve also struggled with stigma and found support groups as well — things they wouldn’t have known about or known how to access if they hadn’t signed up.” As you can see, the five people above are strong advocates for living your best life, STI or not, and are definitely worth following. *Editor’s Note: YouTube is a social media platform available on the internet where videos and content can be created and shared with the public.
courtesy of The Gender Spectrum Collection
Podcasts are a form of media, currently popular, where audio is recorded and shared about stories, ideas, or discussions.
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Black & Pink News
October 2019
Black Men Loving Black Men Is A Revolutionary Act
Photo from the September National LGBT HIV Criminal Justice Working Group convening in NYC. Pictured from left to right, Dominique Morgan (National Director, Black and Pink), Armonté Butler (Activist, Advocates for Youth), Kenyon Farrow (Renowned Activist, Journalist, and Creative) and Andrew Aleman (Activist, Educator, and Social Worker)
BY DARNELL L. MOORE MAY 11, 2015 newnownext.com Darnell L. Moore was born and raised in Camden, New Jersey. He now writes from his stoop in Bed-Stuy and is working on his memoir, “No Ashes in the Fire: Coming of Age Black and Free in America.”
“I tend to think black men who refuse to date other black men do so because they’ve put their faith in a logic of black inferiority.”
The first black man I loved wasn’t an accumulation of white America’s long-held fears. No black man could ever live up to that. He was a body, a human. He was not America’s fabled monstrous buck nor was he an icon of meritocracy. He was my father. I was his son. He was a black man whose belly sometimes protruded far beyond his waistline,
who spoke in a poetic vernacular that allowed him to communicate in code to the people he encountered on the streets of our black hood in New Jersey, his words holding different meanings to those inside and outside the community. His hands were sometimes scaly and calloused from too much physical labor performed for little pay when he could land jobs, whose split-time between U.S. prisons and a rental home in Camden made him something of an absence to be derided and desired.
until she cried in my presence when I was a boy because she talked back, were common. But he was the first black man who loved me and I loved him back.
He was not always the best at showing care, but when he did his care was generous. He was not always aware of others’ plights to render him invisible, and sometimes he did a good job of discarding himself. He held me in the same hands that were often used to hurt my mother. The beatings he meted out, like the time he twisted my mom’s arm
Had he been a white man who failed as much as he excelled, he would have been deemed worthy of love still. He might be alive at 55 and not dead, too young, from heart complications. Any heart that beats overtime to compensate for what it is denied is one sure to break too soon. The fact of America is that black people’s lives and mistakes
Had he been an imperfect white man, because all men are imperfect, the world may have loved him still. If he were an abusive white man, like Donald Trump, who came from generational wealth, with wealth that means power, he would have been afforded visibility and acclaim.
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are individual and collective, the fault always of the man and never the world around him, but those faults are used to pathologize not just the man but those who look like him, too. In my mirror, I saw fault. The heavy words I used to eulogize him could have been used to describe his wins in a country that bends its love in the direction of white manhood, but I mostly defended his right to be loved. He might have even had a chance to run for president and win, but such luxuries are not afforded to most black men, especially those who refuse to become the trope we are taught to replicate before we are encouraged to love ourselves. I was expected—by those who knew us both—to rise above his seeming failed humanity. And even though I lived in a city among poor white men who lacked decorum, who were still imagined as having respectability, their white maleness positioned them as better than black boys like me. White men were the idols, allowed to be wiped clean of their mistakes, the ones I was supposed to love. I made a choice to love other black men in my life because I despised the ways our society praised white men, whether imagined in the bed or on the cross, while withholding love from black men like my daddy. Had I believed the lies others believed to be true about black men, white supremacy would have scored a new victory. I believed the lies on occasion. So I loved black men as a form of radical protest. The second black man I loved was similar to my father in many ways. He was my first boyfriend. He remained intimately close and still distant.
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He was open to love’s possibilities and also cautious because of the awareness of what happens when love is withheld. Dae and I met in Camden on Thanksgiving Day in 1997. After we drank and partied at the Nile—a dance club on 13th Street in Philadelphia; black LGBT people frequented before it was closed, before the neighborhood was deemed the city’s “gaybohood.” We walked along a winding pathway at a park not too far from my mother’s house. Before dawn, I listened as he shared his life story. He was so young and so hardened. At 18, he had already been exposed to life’s double-dealing like me, like my father, who bore me at 15, who had been exposed to just the same. The violence he experienced turned parts of him a bit hard. The guardedness protected him in a country where black boys’ lives are gripped by lovelessness far before we are embraced by love. Imagine the strength it takes to disbelieve a lie. The lie that forms the basis of one’s lack of faith in oneself and forces one to believe in his disposability. Imagine what it takes to love the thing most likely denied love, especially when the thing, the human, is oneself and one’s reflection, one’s father, brother, neighbor, or partner. Dae loved me through states of profound lovelessness. He was the target of white racism. He was a student in under-resourced schools. Class stratification, political disenfranchisement, poverty, patriarchy, and the collective American disdain of queer intimacy were forms of violence he survived to testify about, but
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he was no freer from their grip. Love is not a cheap offering. It is not a deep feeling of goodness without justice. Love is more than one’s heart skipping a beat when an intimate treats him well. Love is not a mere emotional response to stimuli that feeds our ego. It is the tear that falls from the eyes when a wrongdoer says he is sorry. It is the shovel breaking ground, digging deep into parched land out of the hope that with work and sacrifice fruit can grow even under the harshest conditions. Love is work; it is the tearing down of penetrative walls that separate us. Dae and I found each other, at a black gay club, bruised and ready to give to one another the salve necessary to heal our wounds, the love necessary for our survival. Dae wasn’t “marriage material,” or the type of young man one brings home to certain families. He, however, found refuge in mine. We welcomed him. He cussed, cheated, lied, bought me gifts, held me when I was sick, wore baggy pants, drank way too much liquor, and protected me when I felt threatened. I hurt him, told him lies, maxed out my credit cards to purchase his gifts, skipped school, judged him as he drank too much liquor, and protected him when he felt threatened. We were in love. I remember the day I caught him messing around with another guy in his basement. I tried to shatter his car windows. Our love was complicated. But I also remember the day he held me close, the first time any man held me so close in public, on a packed PATH train traveling to Newark from Christopher Street in New York City around 3 a.m.
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“I dare a motherfucker to say something,” he said. My response was short and affirmative, “Dead up.” Dae loved me even as he attempted to love himself. And hours before he would end up in my arms—his body stretched under or on top of mine—we would embrace each other with whatever energy we had left to offer after so much of it was depleted. And while we fucked, our bodies secreted the sweat that would have otherwise wet our foreheads from exhaustion caused by all the aggressions we encountered in the world beforehand. We were too tired to fight, but never fatigued to the point where love was withheld. Before, or as we embraced, something in us would come alive—the parts of ourselves that were most calcified would soften. We loved despite the barriers separating us even as our bodies locked in the dark of the night. I love black men on purpose because black men like my dad and Dae loved me out of the haze of lovelessness I learned to wade through; they’ve loved me back to life by seeing in me parts of themselves. And that is the type of love that costs the giver something, our relinquishing to the fact of our own worth in a society that tries to bankrupt our spirits before deposits of love are made. Sometimes I want to ask white gay couples if they’ve spent an inordinate amount of time brushing off the toxic residue left over from daily anti-black racist aggressions, incessant forms of mundane disrespect, everyday demands to be what one is not, daily oneself performances of innocence to keep oneself from being shot dead by law enforcement or racist vigilantes
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in our hoods, the tight cage of masculinity, and the agile movements one must make when averting the gaze through which black men are viewed before they kiss, hold one another close, whisper beautiful sentiments or fuck each night. Sometimes I want people to understand that whether black men arrive home in tailored suits or saggy pants, black men who love black men end up falling asleep next to our reflections. Our love appears as a lens refracting the intense, lingering energy we might discern in one another so we won’t devour our intimates in our quest to love them. That’s love. Or at least it’s the love I’ve chosen, that I choose. This is what it means to love radically. Black men loving black men is, as the deceased black gay writer Joseph Beam opined in the 1980s, a “revolutionary act” because every moment a black man is transgressive enough to love what he has been socialized to hate he commits an act of insurgency. It’s easy to love archetypes— images of white men maintained in our collective consciousness as paragons of perfection, life, wellbeing, and prosperity. It is easy to love white Jesus and praise abusive white men who become American presidents like Donald Trump because the love America offers such men is not contingent upon their full and expansive humanity. Inhumane love is that which is showered upon ideas, deities even, and not human beings. It is not easy to love those imagined as broken, dead, the the terror, and the perpetually captured. It is not easy to love black men, men who are not imagined as sites of worthy cultivation. It
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is easier for some black men to rationalize away our disdain for other black men or intellectualize our thirsts for white men as inherent, rather than a consequence of antiblack socialization and fetish. Fetish isn’t love, although it can be pleasure. Fetish sits on the surface, on the skin, and doesn’t quite dig deep enough to see the human, the man, the black or white man, under the skin we kiss and touch. Maybe love is more magical than politics. Maybe attraction and connection evade race and love making. But it doesn’t. I know when the roots in black men’s lives run deep and intertwine—when the grounds of our relationships are nurtured—we sometimes survive and find reason to keep loving along the way. Love isn’t colorblind because in America and in 2017 nothing quite is, which is why I tend to think black men who exclusively date white men, black men who refuse to date other black men, do so because they’ve put their faith in a logic of black inferiority. It’s impossible to love your reflection if you don’t discern it when it arrives. I loved my father, not because he was perfect, but because I finally understood the ways my father had been denied love in a country that has poured love upon white men regardless of their imperfections. I didn’t love Dae because he was always deserving of my grace, but because he was worthy of love despite my desire to give or withhold its power. I saw my full self in my father; I saw it in Dae. I didn’t have to hide. I didn’t have to be a version of myself that I imagined deserved love or pleasure. In their eyes, I could imagine my full self worthy of these things, just as I knew they were—in all their imperfections— worthy of love, too, and more.
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HOW DO BLACK GIRLS NAVIGATE SEXUALITY WHEN THE WORLD INSISTS THAT WE SHOULDN’T AT ALL? By GLORIA ALAMREW JULY 9, 2019 wearyourvoicemag.com
WE ARE CREATING BLACK WOMEN WHO MAY RECOGNIZE THEIR PHYSICAL APPEAL, BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO EMBRACE IT BECAUSE THEY FEEL LIKE THEY ARE NOT ALLOWED TO. Black women are sexy. I have been in awe of Black women and our allure from a young age. The way our hair coils, the way the sun sits and shines perfectly in our melanin as if our skin is its source. The full lips and hips that many of us possess have always convinced me that we are real life Sirens. But I never thought of myself as sexy. This is not an essay about a fledgling self-esteem, this is simply a statement of fact. Blessed with loving parents, who knew that their Black daughter would grow up in a world that would seek to destroy her confidence, they took advantage of every opportunity to remind me that my Blackness made me beautiful. However,
Artwork by Lauren Crew courtesy of amplifier.org
when it came time to enter into my womanhood and discover relationships and everything that came with them, I had no idea what it meant to be a sexual being. When you’re the only child – and daughter, no less – of immigrants, sex is one of the last things being discussed in your household. My
parents were focused on surviving and providing a safe and loving home. Even with my parents being far more progressivelyleaning in their parenting style and beliefs than others around us, it was always understood that sex was not something I ever needed to worry about. Sure, they happily signed every permission
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slip that came home with me, allowing me to participate in sex ed classes at school. And when I would come home each day, there was always a discussion about what I had learned and why it was important. But those discussions were always textbook-centric; we talked about what I had learned, but not about how it applied to me. Admittedly, my memory is fuzzy as to whether or not I was ever given “the talk,” but to be frank, I don’t think it even really mattered, as parents have this keen ability to communicate messages to their children without ever having to explicitly state them. As I got older still, I understood that my focus was to be on school, not boys— and that rule was not something to be tested. I went to an all-girls junior high school, so there was no prospect of crushes or dating for me there (I at least knew by then that I was attracted to boys), and by the time I got to high school, I was still trying to reorient myself after having to deal with my mom falling severely ill that I wasn’t really interested in dating or sex anyway. Regardless, I thought that dating and sex only would only bring troubles like pregnancy and disease (a by-product of broken sex ed teachings that only served up fear and very little true or helpful information), and I knew that was simply not an option for me. So, I left all of it alone. How do Black girls navigate the world of dating and sex, when the world insists that we shouldn’t at all? Even more confusing, Black girls and women are often sexualized earlier and more readily because of our blackness.
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We’re seen as objects that are meant to provide sexual satisfaction, not indulge in it ourselves. From fathers warning us of men’s ill intentions, to being called “fast” if you date more than one guy in high school, by the time we reach adulthood, we have been taught and have subsequently internalized fear-based responses to our romantic and sexual relationships. We are distrusting of men, many of us shy away from any and all discussions of sex and, what’s worse, often berate other women. The image of women standing in and owning their sexual self should be celebrated and encouraged, and instead, it has been shown to girls as a warning, as something to avoid at all costs, lest you be seen as a slut. The very idea of being “sexually liberated” is something that is only applied to women. The term “sexually liberated man” doesn’t even exist in our society’s lexicon because it is laughably redundant. All things considered, I never knew what a truly sexually liberated Black woman looked like! In my life, there has been no room for her. For me, I had to explore the universe of attraction, dating, and sex largely in secret and this type of isolation only invites confusion and missteps. I didn’t feel like I had anyone to turn to with my questions, concerns, or fears. I spent so much time and energy trying to intellectualize this part of my life on my own when I was never really given the tools to do so. When I reflect on my early dating years, and some of the decisions I made, I can’t help but feel that I—and I imagine so many other Black girls—were set up to fail. This is not to say that I was behaving recklessly, but rather,
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I now recognize that there were uncomfortable moments I could have avoided, like not knowing how to say no to a partner even though they were your partner. And indeed, there were perhaps enlightening moments I missed out on, too. Had I turned things down, said no to something that I did actually want to do, but felt like I couldn’t because that’s not what a Black girl should do? What I should do? Had I been given a solid foundation of knowing that yes, you’re allowed to date around, yes, you’re allowed to change your mind, yes, you’re allowed to know and be proud of your body, then maybe those years could have been filled with less shame and fear, and a lot more joy. When we don’t build communities for young Black girls, where they can feel safe, accepted, and free to ask any and all questions they may have about their bodies, love and sex, and the myriad ways they do and don’t intersect, we are creating Black women who only know how to shut the world out because it never let them in. We are creating Black women who may recognize their physical appeal, but don’t know how to embrace it because they feel like they are not allowed to, especially not for themselves. The idea of “Black Girl Magic” is incomplete if we refuse to acknowledge that Black girls will eventually grow into Black women who can be sexual, romantic, and loving beings, beyond and completely external to how the world sees us. We have desires and curiosities and attractions that deserve the fullness of our care. Our magic is so much more than the profitable and
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marketable parts the world has deemed safe for us to express. Black women are sexy and sexual entities, independent of anyone else’s ideas of what that means. In order for our magic to flourish, to be real, we have to let Black girls and women know that, people are going to be uncomfortable with how we express and explore that side of us, and will make judgments on us based on their discomfort.
I want Black girls to know that, as they are learning and growing into women, a community is being built for them, not to retreat to or hide, but to flourish. Magic isn’t found, it’s created, and while we may not be able to completely destroy the misogynistic and racist attitudes that seek to belittle us, we can make sure that we have an impenetrable network of care and upliftment ready to embrace
“ Black girl, we’ll leave this fight for someone else for now You can close your eyes, let your hair down Breath in, breath out Yes, there will be battles, you sometimes lose They never last for a day in your shoes You still need to rest too You still need to rest too Black girl, I know how much it hurts, to always prove your worth they wont make it easy but baby believe me Your life is precious, and you’ll be alright Lets lay down for a while, they’ll be just fine Its ok, you can keep your magic to yourself, keep it tucked away They’ll have to find another wonder for today You don’t always have to be the one to save the world Its ok, you can keep your magic to yourself keep it tucked away They’ll have to find another wonder for today You don’t always have to be the one to save the world You’re always the one to save the world And they never say thank you girl I love you Goodnight I love you Goodnight Goodnight ” “Lullaby” Lyrics, by Tasha
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the magic that they are creating in their own journey. --Gloria Alamrew is an Edmontonbased writer, community organizer, and curly hair fanatic. She writes about all things that centre around Blackness, culture, and womanhood, and the myriad ways they intersect.
Artwork by Ashley Lukashevsky courtesy of amplifier.org
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Black & Pink News
How to Respectfully Love a Trans Woman: Navigating Transmisogyny in Your Romantic Relationship BY KAYLEE JAKUBOWSKI JANUARY 19, 2015 everydayfeminism.com
Fortunately, there are those who have broken through the stigma, but may be weary about moving forward due to some of the pitfalls and complications that come with romancing a trans woman, such as concerns about being fetishistic or if certain interactions might make their potential/partner feel dysphoric. Unfortunately, there is no roadmap for guidance on how to romance trans women.
The last several years have produced a cocktail of emotions for trans women — from epic fails to the emergence of some longawaited sheroes and role models. The battle for us to be recognized in this society as existing and as human is on-going and hard-fought.
Every trans woman is different, obviously, and the number one way to know that you’re treating your partner the way she wants to be treated is to—well—talk to her about it.
If you take nothing else away, let it be that the process of flapping your jaw around, making noise, and ending it with a question mark is one of the most useful tools at your disposal. While women of different races and abilities all have unique experiences with both relationships and transmisogyny, we’ll try to talk in general about some of the ways in which you can both support your lover and avoid some hurtful mistakes by looking at situations that happen in public, in private, and in bed.
In Public and Online
But behind all of the activism and social apprehension, it can be forgotten that many trans women also crave fulfilling romantic relationships. Maybe that idea is denied to us because our humanness is so often left to the side. Some of our sheroes, such as Janet Mock, have criticized society for creating a stigma — through a volatile mixture of homophobia, misogyny, and transphobia, which creates an intersection known as “transmisogyny” — around being attracted to trans women.
courtesy of The Gender Spectrum Collection
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1. Gendering and Pronouns Living as a trans woman can often be tricky business. We know that acceptance is thin, discrimination is thick, and, for many trans women, the only way to navigate between loving ourselves and surviving in our culture is to present ourselves as a woman when we can and a man when we must. This is a complicated and degrading process, but it can be the thread of difference between making ends meet at a stable job and falling into unemployment or being disowned by our families. Unfortunately for our partners, that requires them to sometimes have to play along with the charade and misgender us for the sake of our safety and well-being. It’s important to ask your partner if there are any places where she doesn’t feel safe being out as trans (such as school or work), or if there are any people for whom she isn’t ready to tell about her being trans (which may mean being quiet on Facebook altogether). Doing this may be uncomfortable for both of you, but your partner knows what’s best for her. Alternatively, your partner may be out, loud, and proud to everyone — awesome!! Strangers who have yet to know better, however, may still misgender her — not so awesome. On top of knowing when not to out her, it’s good to also ask when (and if) you should correct people if they call her the wrong pronoun. It can be tricky to remember each situation and nuance, but
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It can be tricky to remember each situation and nuance, but your partner will appreciate the extra work to make sure she feels safe and respected.
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align with their actual gender) is a big struggle for many transgender people.
2. Public Displays of Affection (PDA)
Dysphoria, in a simple definition, is the anxiety and depression that comes from feeling your body’s sex is in some way wrong or misaligned with your gender identity.
Hand-holding and coffee shop kisses are adorable and romantic, but aside from some people just not being comfortable with PDA, trans women may have an extra layer of anxiety around it for fear of attracting homoantagonists.
Not every trans woman experiences dysphoria, but those that do usually experience it in different degrees throughout the day, sometimes spiking because of various triggers. Similar to PTSD, these triggers differ from person to person.
Lesbians and bisexual folx who are reading likely have an understanding of this anxiety already, but straight men often have some confusion around it.
Knowing what triggers your partner’s dysphoria will help you avoid triggering it yourself.
It’s not that we don’t like you. It’s not that we’re ashamed of you. It’s just that we might not be feeling up to the risk of being called “f*ggots,” “d*kes,” or being profiled as someone who provides commericial sex. Always be sure to have open communication with your partner about when she wants to or doesn’t want to participate in PDA and, especially important, be sure she knows that you aren’t offended or hurt if she decides not to. Guilt trips are never in a recipe for success.
In Private 1. Understanding Dysphoria Managing dysphoria (which is the distress or discomfort that occurs when the gender someone is assigned does not
For instance, if she is particularly hostile toward her body hair, touching it or making comments about it — even if it seems like it would be appropriate for the situation — might not be the best decision. Having an open, understanding, and compassionate dialogue with your partner about her dysphoria will not only show your support for her, but it will also give you insight into what parts of her body make her uncomfortable so you know what to avoid interacting with and how. Every woman deals with her dysphoria differently and has different coping methods for it. Sometimes, it can be as simple has having someone acknowledge and pay attention to her femininity. Talk to your partner and ask if there’s any way you can help lessen her dysphoria on days when it’s particularly difficult for her to manage.
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Black & Pink News
2. Gender Roles Along the same lines of dysphoria comes the discussion of gender roles. In general, gender roles are a pretty nasty subject given societal pressures to conform to one of only two based exclusively on your body. But for many trans women who have already renounced the gender constraints that society has enforced on their bodies, performing feminine-typical gender roles can be a very liberating experience. Cissexism, however, is alive and well and exists not only within cisgender people, but is internalized in trans women as well. For this reason, interactions between trans women and their partners can often slip into a pattern of masculinizing the trans woman. A prime example of this is cuddling with cis women who may have internalized their own gender roles that they should be the one held, not the one doing the holding. While this expression isn’t inherently problematic, this can lead to a trend where the trans woman is predominantly the one doing the holding and performing what feels like a masculine gender role — making her feel dysphoric at worst, delegitimized at best. Even in Queer relationships where gender roles might seem obsolete, it’s good to take a step back and take note to see if those roles truly are diminished, or if they’re just not being talked about. And, as always, be sure to talk to your partner about
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what sort of interactions might make them feel uncomfortable in their body and which ones make them feel respected and empowered.
A major apprehension around having sex with trans women, though, is the uncertainty that comes with bodily names having a gendered overtone.
3. Responding to Depression and Anxiety
One need only research phallic symbolism and imagery to understand the cultural connection between the penis and masculinity. So wouldn’t calling a trans woman’s genitals a penis make her uncomfortable?
Living in a toxic culture definitely takes its toll, and for transgender people that means a significantly increased risk of anxiety and depression. Dysphoria often facilitates anxiety and panic. Knowing this can help you gauge your partner’s anxiety levels if she tells you that she’s feeling dysphoric. And though it’s not guaranteed, helping your partner ease her dysphoria may also lower her anxiety levels. Second, depression and anxiety come with a litany of bad patterns, including unregulated eating and sleeping habits and denigrating self-talk. One of the best ways to lessen the effects of these diseases is to help your partner recognize these habits and, if she wants you to, help break them. Your partner will always know what would be best for her, though, so keeping in communication with her and paying attention to her desires is paramount.
Under the Sheets (Not Safe for Work Language) 1. Parts and What to Call Them
Contrary to popular belief, not every trans woman has undergone sexual reassignment surgery (SRS). In fact, for many trans women, it isn’t a top priority.
Not necessarily! Many trans women have reclaimed the notions around their penises and recognize them as a feminine part of them. After all, it’s not like there’s an empty void of femininity that only exists over their crotch — their package is no less feminine than their left pinky finger. But while some have been able to reclaim this idea, others still are extremely uncomfortable with their sexual configuration. These women may prefer that their junk be called a clit, instead, since they are both essentially the same organ. Or they may prefer for it to be called something else entirely. The best way to know is – you guessed it – by talking to her. Before sex, ask her what makes her feel good and what she likes and allow her to tell you on her own terms, asking for clarification if you need to. (This is also a good time to talk about STIs and protection methods!) 2. F*cking There’s more than one way to have sex with a trans woman.
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In fact, there are enough ways that Mira Bellwether was able to write an 80 page zine about them, which she so eloquently titled F*cking Trans Women (FTW). While I think everyone should read the zine from cover to cover, there are a few important highlights that are worth describing. Muffing, for instance, was made popular by FTW and refers to inverting the testes and scrotum back into the cavity that they came out of during puberty. This newly exposed cavity can then be used as a pleasure center that can be stimulated with a vibrator, fingers, or a penis, similarly to a vagina. Another point that Bellwether brings up in FTW is that just because we’re interacting with a penis doesn’t mean we need to assume that it should be erect. Stimulating a flaccid penis is rarely, if ever, a consideration in sexual discussion, but is a very real possibility. Especially considering that your partner may be undergoing hormone replacement therapy, which can diminish sex drive and prevent erections, this allows for a whole new playground of pleasure and experimentation. All, or none, of these ideas could be appealing to your partner and, as per usual, it’s best to talk to her, ask questions, and have conversations about how she likes to fuck and the best ways for the both of you to fuck together.
courtesy of The Gender Spectrum Collection
Despite the fact that there are very few cultural texts to help people in our culture understand how to interact with and love trans women, the key lies within respecting their struggle and personhood and, of course, communicating freely and openly about any and every topic. The rest is determined by you and how you naturally show your affection. While respecting your trans partner is filled with nuance and may even require you to unlearn some habits, it should begin to click together very quickly as soon as you consciously begin putting these into practice.
The tradeoff of creating a healthy relationship for you and your partner is definitely worth the work. --Kaylee Jakubowski is a Contributing Writer for Everyday Feminism. She is a trans, Queer feminist with specific interests in ecofeminism, anti-imperialism, Queerness, and statistical approaches to social justice work. Xe is pursuing a B.S. in Statistics with a minor in Women’s & Gender Studies.
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Black & Pink News
October 2019
Kevin Powell On Moving Beyond His Own Toxic Masculinity
Raised in the inner city by a single mother, Kevin Powell grew up steeped in the macho norms of a tough environment, compounded by an absent father and severe poverty. After having to face his demons in young adulthood, he embarked on a remarkable journey, emerging as a great writer and activist, and a leading advocate of a new form of redefined manhood — one anchored in nonviolence, love, and healthy self-expression.
Kevin’s story is powerful, and he’s written about it extensively in the 13 books he’s authored, including The Education of Kevin Powell: A Boy’s Journey into Manhood. His latest book, My Mother. Barack Obama. Donald Trump. And the Last Stand of the Angry White Man., is an emotionally naked and deeply engaging autobiography of America, by tracing the influence of his remarkable single mother, a woman who shaped his entire life, threaded with his lived experience. Powell strips away symbols and pretensions to get to the root of who and what this nation really is, and how it came to be, and why we are struggling so mightily in these times. That’s also how he approached his 2018 Bioneers keynote address. He boldly and bravely discusses his experiences with toxic masculinity and his journey to redefine what it means to be a man. He touches on the importance of gender equity, ending sexual abuse and redefining manhood to address the ways that violence has been baked into our cultural understanding of masculinity.
11.19.15: Kevin Powell by kellywritershouse courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons
Moving Beyond Toxic Masculinity KEVIN POWELL: I was born and raised in Jersey City, New Jersey. I’m the product of a single parent household, a single mother. My mother, like many African Americans, migrated from the South, from Texas, from Alabama, from Louisiana, from South Carolina, where she’s from, to places like Oakland, California, like Richmond, San Leandro and Hayward, or Brooklyn or Jersey City, where I was born and raised. She was in her early 20s. Being born in 1943, she had already survived the racism and the sexism and the classism of the American South,
where her birth certificate said colored, not black, not African American — colored. She dealt with sexism growing up because only her brother was allowed to graduate from high school. All the girls had to work. My mother started working when she was 8 years old in cotton fields. She only got to the eighth grade. She was basically groomed not to have a career other than being the help for the privileged and powerful in her community. So she got on a Greyhound bus, as many black women did during those times, and she packed her life into suitcases and she and
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two of her sisters came up north, and they shared one bed in a oneroom apartment in Jersey City. At some point, my mother met my father. She was in her early 20s. He was in his 30s. She fell in love with him, and he fell in lust with her. e manipulated my mother and he got her pregnant. When it was time to give birth to me, my mother was forced to call a taxi cab because she’s was poor, black woman in America. There’s no resources. There’s no cars. There’s no drivers. There’s nothing. he had to go to the hospital in a cab, and that’s how I was born. I only saw my father — my first introduction to manhood — three times in my life, between the time I was born and when I was 8 years old. My father pretended several times that he was going to marry my mother. He would play games with her. He’d say, “Well, let’s get married.” And then he would pull back. My mother would call him periodically to ask, “Can you help us?” He was a truck driver, so he had money. He actually lived in a house that he owned, but we were living in a rat and roach-infested tenement. The one time I went driving with him in his truck, I was 6 or 7 years old, there were images of naked women. When he saw my discomfort at the nudity of these women, he started laughing and basically said what I heard from older men throughout my adolescence and youth: “This is what it is to be a man.” When I was 8 years old, it was a rainy day and my mother said we were going to go to the drugstore down the street to a payphone – we didn’t have a telephone in the house
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On this particular day, his toxic manhood said, “You lied to me. He’s not my son.” And I look like my father. He said, “I’m not going to give you another nickel for him ever again,” and hung up the phone on my mother. My mother was devastated. She shared with me what my father had said. Right then and there, this 8 year old Kevin Powell had a father hole, a manhood hole that was as wide as the Grand Canyon, emotionally, spiritually, and every which way you can imagine.
Confronting a Flawed “Masculinity” Whether you have a father or father figure in your life, or no father at all like I did, the reality is most of us who grew up in this society, whether we’re white, black, Latino, Latinx, Asian, Native American, Christian, Jewish, Muslim, atheist, agnostic, most of us who identify as males are still bombarded with the same images. This is what boys do. We wear blue. This is what girls do. They wear pink. Boys don’t cry. Boys have to be tough. Boys, from early age – 5, 6 years old – start to police each other. We start to use sexist or homophobic or transphobic terms to describe boys who might be a little different than the so-called norm. That was me, in this hypermasculine culture. I played sports growing up. I loved football. I loved baseball. You better believe that I fought every chance I got; “Meet us in the
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lunchroom if you want to settle this.” It’s this right of passage many of us go through in our families, in our communities, all over the country and around the world — unless you have a parent or parents or an adult who checks you as a boy and says, “This is unacceptable to refer to girls in this way, it’s unacceptable to police boys this way, and it’s unacceptable to learn that to be a man is to be violent.” We would run around school, in fourth or fifth grade, boys grabbing girls’ body parts, not realizing that we were learning rape culture at 8 or 9 years old. Not realizing that when we used terms like gang bang, that’s what we were saying. I remember in my neighborhood there was a girl — and I’m embarrassed to admit this – but the boys made a decision very early on with this girl that she was sexually promiscuous, and so her name became “Whorey Dory.” Meanwhile, the boys can do anything we want. But the girls, if it was even thought they had done something, we twisted it around as if there was something wrong with them, just like what we did with Anita Hill and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. It’s not just our families and communities that shape us, it’s also the schools that we go to. It doesn’t matter if you go to a public school or some elite private school. My mother went to school through eighth grade. I was raised in the first generation after the Civil Rights movement. I went to the so-called best public schools in Jersey City — integrated schools. I was an A student. My mother did not tolerate bad grades. When I think about it, I didn’t anything about Black history or
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Native American history, or Asian history, or queer history, or poor people’s history. In my 13 years of school, I learned about Betsy Ross sewing the flag. I learned about Florence Nightingale, vaguely. Helen Keller, even more vaguely. And then Rosa Parks because she served double duty with Black history and Women’s history. Now we’re laughing about this, but if you want to understand patriarchy, sexism, misogyny, rape culture, ask the average male in your life: Name me five to 10 women in American and world history, and see how silent most of us go. Even though I was raised in a single mother household and it was a matriarchal family, the reality is, the things that we were studying — whether it was math, science, history — were all through the lens of men, as if women didn’t exist. I knew from the time I was 11, 12 years old that I wanted to be a writer because I discovered this very hyper-masculine male writer named Ernest Hemingway. In my 13 years of school, the only woman writer that I even remember was Emily Dickinson. It’s not just there, it’s also pop culture and the mass media culture. I grew up loving TV shows like I Dream of Jeannie, where she called Major Nelson “Master” and he would put her back in a bottle. I’m thinking to myself, years later, “Wow. Boy was that reinforcing patriarchy and sexism.” Or I’d watch Happy Days. The Fonz would snap his fingers and women would just fly out of the ceiling. As a boy taking this in, think about the devastating effect of these images, just like the devastating effect of black
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folks seeing images of ourselves only in certain stereotypical ways. This is how I was socialized. Fighting was normalized. Violence was normalized. Respecting women and girls as our equals was not part of it. I get to college at Rutgers University in New Jersey. First year, first semester, probably the first week, an upper class male student said to me, “There is so much sex on this campus, we don’t need electricity to keep the lights on.” I realize there’s a whole kind of pimp mentality going on. There are student leader pimps, there’s fraternity pimps, there’s athlete pimps, there’s even faculty and staff pimps, where the men were running amok with women and girls. I would hear stories about domestic violence. I would hear stories about rape. Unfortunately, I began to become like my father — irresponsible sex, reducing women to two things, caretakers or sexual objects. Because I grew up in a violent environment meant I was violent in my early life, sometimes towards males, sometimes toward women in college. Owning Up & Moving On It hit a crucible for me after college. I was living in Brooklyn, New York, in 1991. A girlfriend and I were living together and we got into an argument. My male rage, my anger, my fragile masculinity, when she challenged me, pushed her into a bathroom door. I’m not proud of it. Years later I would apologize to her and she would accept my apology. But here’s what happened in that summer of 1991: There were women and a few men, who said to me,
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“Kevin Powell, you are a hypocrite. How can you talk about injustice in the world when you’re participating in the oppression of half the country and the world’s population?” That was devastating to me. This is why we need to have honest, open conversations with one another. When I look at a Bill Cosby, a Woody Allen, a Roman Polanski, a Matt Lauer, a Charlie Rose, a Harvey Weinstein, I’m saying to myself, “No one ever checked these very damaged human beings as they were doing damage.” Equally devastating was when some women said to me, “You need to read bell hooks.” Not only did I grow up not learning anything about women and girls in our history, but in my four years at Rutgers University, the only woman writer I read was Zora Neale Hurston, Their Eyes Were Watching God. That was it. And here I was, thinking I was this brilliant young man, but when women leaders at Rutgers University would challenge us on our sexism, we would say disparaging, disrespectful things to them, because what men like to do who are engaged in toxic manhood is silence women and girls. I was told, after that incident, “You need to own your mistake.” I was told that men must get help. What did that look like for me? It meant therapy. All those traumas that I grew up with, I was now passing along and taking out on other people, including women. Men, we need to start listening to the voices of women and girls. I was in my 20s, taking all of this in. What was said to me was, “You need to become a consistent ally to women and girls.”
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How do you become an ally? You must read: bell hooks, Gloria Steinem, Eve Ensler, Audre Lorde, June Jordan, Sonia Sanchez, Nikki Giovanni. I’ve realized I was completely ignorant about women, like many of us are. It was hard to read things where women were saying what they had experienced at the hands of men. But we don’t have the kind of transformation that Bioneers represents if we as people, no matter how we identify ourselves, are not willing to take a hard look in the mirror. The last thing is that you have to do the work. For us, as men, that doesn’t mean being around women all the time. You’ve got to do that work with men and boys. For me, it began in 1991 with a terrible experience. I never engaged in that kind of behavior again. It was a journey to move from toxic manhood towards trying to figure out what healthy manhood looks like.
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Weinstein and His Toxic Manhood is Our Toxic Manhood” — because it is. Bill Cosby is us. Woody Allen is us. Roman Polanski is us.
touch her inappropriately, touch her without an invitation, rape her, molest her, assault her, God forbid stab her, shoot her, murder her.
It’s not just writing about it, it’s speaking about it, doing workshops. I’ve worked in prisons, colleges and universities, communities, community centers, religious institutions. This is an ongoing conversation. What I’m happy to say to you all is that over the last 27 years, I’ve seen more men get involved, but we still are a very small part of the solution.
Even if you’re the kind of man who would never engage in those things but you have men around you engaging in toxic manhood and in destructive language and behavior toward women and girls and say nothing about it? You — we — become just as guilty.
The New York Times magazine said a few years back that ending violence against women and girls is one of the major human rights issues on the entire planet. Even if you are not the kind of man who would ever call a woman a disrespectful name,
My great hope, in spite of all this happening right now, is that #MeToo will not only empower women like the Civil Rights movement empowered black people — my hope for us as men is that we understand that as women are using their voices, it should be the wind behind us in saying, I want to be a different kind of man and human being. content from bioneers.org
Here I am trying to figure this thing out, and there’s all these wacky definitions out there about manhood, in rock’n’roll, in jazz, in hip hop, in movies, on TV, in books — I had to question everything. That’s how you begin to redefine manhood. You’ve got to ask yourself: “What’s wrong with love? What’s wrong with peace? What’s wrong with nonviolence?” In my humble opinion, 27 years later, I’ve written about it in essays like The Sexist in Me, Confessions of a Recovering Misogynist. These are the different periods of my life. I wrote a piece in my new book called “Harvey
man from the light by Darragh Hehir courtesy of Flickr Creative Commons
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Artwork by Mari Mansfield courtesy of amplifier.org
October 2019
Volume 9, Issue 6
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2020 Election Survery
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The 2020 Presidential Elections are fast approaching, and most of the candidates have prioritized criminal legal reforms. At Black & Pink, our lived experience is a damning reminder that real reform, and ultimately abolition, requires forcibly uprooting the entire system. We must consider what is criminalized, policing practices, sentencing reforms, conditions of confinement, and welcoming people home. You, our most valued family members, are needed to remind these candidates of the boldness that is needed to transform this system. We want to center your voices and your needs through op-eds, conversations with presidential candidates, social media campaigns, and strategizing for the presidential election. You can help by filling out this short survey based on Coming Out of Concrete Closets and returning it to National at 6223 Maple St. #4600 Omaha, NE 68104. Deadline to do so is Friday, December 6, 2019. Please tear out this page. If you need more room use the backside of this page.
1) Rank in order of importance, with 1 being the most important, the following: Prison Rape Elimination Act Reforms (i.e. implementing accountability measures for when harm is caused on the inside) ___ Prison Litigation Act Reforms (to make it easier to challenge your conditions of confinement) ___ Trans Issues ___ Reentry Concerns ___ Healthcare Concerns 2) Should we require every jail, prison, and detention facility at the federal, state, and local level to collect data on sexual orientation and gender identity/expression? Yes No Why or why not?
3) Should we push candidates to reform the sex offense registry? Yes No Why or why not?
4) What are some ways National can increase your access to political education while incarcerated?
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Black & Pink News
October 2019
Return to National at 6223 Maple St. #4600 Omaha, NE 68104 Deadline to do so is Friday, December 6, 2019. Please tear out this page. If you need more room use the backside.
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Volume 9, Issue 6
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Letters from Our Family Dear Gay family, I want to say may God bless you all through your trials/tribulations. I will like my Gay family to stop putting each other down, and uplift one another cause we is all we got. To the ones think they are better than others, stop it cause it aint cute at all cause the CO’s, inmates, and your own GAY family judging you too. Let me tell you a little about me. I ‘m 31 years old, I’m 6’1”, 169 lbs, I’ve been gay since I was 12 years old. I was abuse in my past and rape by a family member. Till this day I kept my head high, stand strong, and kept moving forward. I overcame the bad, pain, and abuse. Just cause I’m gay it don’t make me better than anyone. When I was 16 I had a man who was 24 years old, he treat me like a boss bitch. I don’t judge people cause that not me. I witness my own best friend take her life and it still hurt me till this day cause we grew up together, slept in the same bed, we call each other brother and sister. We as LGBTQ need to come together and show the world that we aint going nowhere and we are here to stay. Black & Pink is the only ones who fight for us that are lock up and care. Even if I don’t know yall I still pray for my Gay family. No matter what we did in our past our Lord God forgave us of our sins. My own family turn their backs on me when I told them that I was gay. But guess what I don’t care what people think of me cause and nobody can tell me how to live
I put myself through high school, and college, got my degree in automotive, and culinary art. If you dream big nothing can stop you. Stop fighting, bitchy, and catty to one another and show the CO’s and inmates that if we stand together as one, you will gain the respect of others. To my Lez-be sisters, to my bisexual sisters & brothers, to my GAY men and women, to my trans women and trans men, to my dragqueens I haven’t forgot about yall, also to my queer family. I will like to give advice: 1. Never give up 2. Stay true to yourself 3. Love yourself and others 4. Hold your head high and stay strong 5. Talk to one another when problems occur Also three simple rules in life: 1. If you do not go after what you want you’ll never have it 2. If you do not ask the answer will always be no 3. If you do not step forward, you will always be in the same place. For the ones scared to come out, we are here for you. Thank you Black & Pink family for listening. True to my GAY family Timothy (IL) AKA Gods Child
Dear Black and Pink, My name is Shelby King. I am a 30 year old biologically born male. I am currently serving time in Arkansas for some poor choices on my part. I’m writing you today because I really need your help. I am and I identify as female. I am seeking information from you. I’m not rich and from time to time receive a few dollars from my father when he can spare it. I have been fighting these prison officials seeking treatment. I wish to start transitional treatment. Estrogen, hair removal, and undergarments. Since 2013, I’ve written several letters requesting treatment, starting with diagnosis. I’ve since 2016 been diagnosed but not treated. The committee that deals with trans inmates has denied all requests including speaking with trans specialists and they refuse now to even meet with me. The last time I met with anyone on their committee was in 2017. Since 2017 I’ve written several more letters and filed 3 separate grievances. Still no response from the committee. Currently I’m forced to not express myself in any meaningful way. I have to shower with everyone else and endure all the jokes and harassment when I shave my legs, or any part of my body for that matter. On the daily something of mine gets stolen from my rack and someone and always a different person likes to call me “the dumb faggot,” “Hoe ass punk bitch” or
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“soft ass pussy faggot.” and so many more colorful words. Regardless, I refuse to let these idiot fools stop me from being me. I won’t be buried, ignored, or shut up. I came, I saw, I fought, I overcame, I will prevail. But to the reason for this letter I need all the trans info I can get from hormones, to the reallife experience, to the standard of care. On top of this I need to know what states treat their trans inmates to the full extent. What states allow the purchase of and/or provide female undergarments and other feminine articles to the pre-op male to female trans inmates. Lastly, what states don’t require a trans inmate to have been on hormone treatment prior to incarceration. (What states will initiate transgender care without prior treatment.) I know this is a lot to request but it is necessary, in my fight to obtain any treatment. Before I close I have one more request. Will you please help me get in contact with some LGBTQ+ advocates in Arkansas. I’m having so much trouble getting information from in here. I want to give a shout out to every single person fighting the fight for their heart and soul. Shelby (AR)
Hey Black and Pink, I’ve been receiving your newsletter for a little over a year now but this is my 1st time getting the courage to send my thoughts. I’m 30 years old and I’m locked up in Virginia. A very racist area and me being
biracial definitely doesn’t do me any help. I’m on my 12th year of a 15 year bid. Time actually flew by considering this prison is hell. After reading a lot of the articles in the newsletter though I came to realize my life behind these walls are pretty decent compared to the stories I read in here. Being a lesbian isn’t as hard as it is for the men attempting to be their true beautiful selves. All I can say is Bless you who have to endure the constant pain just to be who you are. They give me a reason to be thankful at moments when I feel unthankful. I want to let ya’ll know my favorite section is the poetry! I love reading and writing poetry and in Black and Pink I know I will always find some real heartfelt poems. I got one I wrote called Lost Little Girl that I will include in this envelope. I also would like ya’ll to hook me up with a pen-pal. I’m currently in seg and probably will be for a minute so I can’t receive no emails. Only handwritten letters. I’m mixed with Black, Greek, and Turkish. 5ft 1in. I’m lesbian. Long curly dark hair. Average 136-140. I’m a Gemini, love to write poetry, listen to music. I’m interested in meeting all types of people. I just need some mental stimulation and I figure I’d get it best from my B&P family rather than those corny penpal sites. Alright so I hope to see my poem in one of the upcoming issues. Love ya’ll! Alysha (VA)
To all my Black and Pink Brothers and Sisters, Hi my name is Tysean AKA Guttah. This is my 1st time writing for the
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newsletter so let me start by saying that I am touched by how many people are speaking out and showing love & support to each other. The September issue had six people who stories I love and felt connected to, and they are Christopher A (TX), BB Girl (aka Bumble Bee) (TX), Jenna (TX), Alisa (FL), Jami (MI), and Zoe Z (NY). I understand everything they are going through because I’m fighting the same battle which we all know isn’t an easy fight. To tell all my LGBTQ family out there a little about me, I am 24 years old and I’m a bisexual. Greetings, love, and support to everyone who loves transgenders. I’ve been this way since I was like 11 years old and I struggle every day trying to be myself. Right now I’m in IL serving a 10 year sentence and I have been locked up since I was 17 years old but my debt will be paid in 3 years. My life has been a living hell until I met my best friend/ sister Strawberry. She helped me become the person that I am today. Before meeting her I wouldn’t dare have the courage to stand up and fight. I always tried to hide who I was or deny it but being with her has showed me there’s nothing wrong with being yourself. We was in another facility together and the C/ Os tried their hardest to destroy us by physically and verbally assaulting us. Strawberry gave me the courage to fight back after finding out what happened to her when were were separated. She never gave up so why should I. We all have something in common and that’s the fight for equality o matter where we are or how we choose to live our life. For those out there who are scared, don’t be because there
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are people out here who love you and want you to be proud of who you are and fight for what’s right. I’m here to stay and scream LGBTQ for life, no one can take your happiness away but you have to live each day like it your last and no matter what, Be Proud and Stand Tall. Black & pink 4Eva xoxo #Freedom #Love Yours Truly, Tysean (IL) -aka Guttah
Dear Black and Pink, This is my first time writing to the Newsletter. Yet I have been reading your paper for a while now. So let me introduce myself to your family. My name is Alvin. But everybody calls me BooBoo. I’m from North Caroline. I got locked up in the feds in 1996 so yes that over 20 years. I have 13 months left until I go home without the halfway house. In all my years here I’ve been in all USP’s. A few years back I became [gang]. We are a family. 2gether-4ever we will stand. So I want to send my love to all my [gang] family and my big bro and Romeo Also B.G. I will not let you down. I know that I said that I would write to the newsletter. So here it is. I read a lot of stories in B/P and most of them touch my heart. I’ve been out since 1998 at USP [ATL]. I see how people look at me and at first it would get to me. I would say thin get in fights go to the hole but I stood up for myself and my other half. I told my family in 2000. They accept my lifestyle but I know that they are going to wonder how I’m going to be once I’m released to the real world. I’m Top. I’ve grown up and realize that
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this is what I want. What I’ve is that I know it’s hard for people to come out and be their real self. In the July/Aug issue I like what I read from Speedy from FL Mask and Magic. How can we even look at the simplest things when we wear a mask and not being yourself. The fist thing we in the gay community have to do is love ourself before we can ever love something or someone . I’m here at *** USP and I’m the only [gang] member here. A lot of [gang] member are here too. So it’s was hard for me here at first not being able to find a cell. So a friend of mine gave me one of their cells. The C/Os don’t care too much. And the crazy thing about this place is that they got a transgender C/O that works in the hospital and I spoke to her one day and told her that I a [gang] member and that if my [gang members] was to see her they would go crazy over her (especially Brown Eyes). I hope that you are reading this I love you too. Any way I play all sports and I work out all the time. I never wear a shirt and my [gang] tattoo is on my stomach Really Big and they would point and STARE at it and whisper He got that tatted on him. Hell yea I hold my head high and stand on what my lifestyle is. I’m Gay + Proud. The hardest part for me is that Iwill not be around any of my *gang* again unless they send me to a drop out yard. Most of it not all of my family is Xgnag members and can’t walk active yards cuz they gangs will hurt or kill them. Only becuz they want to live life and love free. I’m going to rep for my family no matter where they send me. My dad died in December 2016 and I loved with all my heart. I told myself and 51 that all the love that I had for him I’m going to put that love into *gang* so if I have
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to walk over mountains to stand on what I love then it is what it is. I want the B/P family to know that my family [gang] is not the ones to lay down and be walked over w/o stand and fight. I want to send a shot out to Howard in CA that you will find love and you are not standing alone. I too believe in L-H-R. Loyalty-HonestyRespect. Please don’t stop fighting for free love. You know in our lit its say that a gangster sometimes has to behave like water, take on the characteristics of flowing water. To flow quietly around obstacles we come face to face with sometime resistance might mean destruction. Flowing water adapts itself to whatever route proves possible, but never forgets it’s objective to move forward to become stronger. After a certain point its power is absolute. You don’t drown by jumping in the water, you drown if you stay under too long. You made me write when I seen that. I love you and I hope to hear from you again. And I want to holla at the great Isabella in Walla Walla stop chipping those damn nails. I love awoman with pretty nails. LOL. You’re my type of girl and I want to get in touch with you. I’ve read a lot of things you have wrote in this newsletter. A lot of the girls that read B/P see what you write and are inspired by you like Emily. They see you fight for what you stand for. Stay on that front line and stand for something or you will fall for anything. I see that you are a strong woman and a leader. So get it done get at this male lion and lets do Big things for our gay community. I know as you do, it’s lonely at the TOP. Love you girl. Last to all my [gangsters] I know it’s over 7,000 of us in and out prison. We want the members of
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Artwork by family member, Shaylanna L, NY
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Volume 9, Issue 6
the gay community to understand members of [gang] are not ones who fights his enemy with his sword and gets betrayed or labeled as a hero for the (LGBTQ), but rather one who uses his head and interacts actively with his environment to make a difference. Proper, Preparation prevents poor performance. I end with this Jewel. A real true Gangster is one who will give all, expects nothing, but in the end deserves everything. Unity-Unity-Unity. With love, Alvin (BooBoo) P.S. Happy Birthday Phoenix your Boo Bear still loves you. Wherever you at. Hi my name is Bobby but I go by PRINCE. I am a gay, queer man and I am in LOVE with Hollywood way, way, way too much. I am also well. Let’s just say I have a crush on the late Prince - but I been had a crush on him since I was 8 years old. I thought he was gay as hell or at least bisexual when I watched his video “Scandalous,” and girls were telling me that he had boyfriends and etc ... so after that happened like I said I saw that video and Prince turned me out mentally in my head, heart, and soul. I am 25 years old, Prince died on April-21-2016, I was 23 when he died. I got a book sent to me while I was here called “The Most Beautiful: My Life with Prince,” and I found out when I was 23 years old that he was straight and had a girl named Mayte Garcia. But he never judged people for their sexual orientation. That being said, I love Prince and I love Mayte Garcia as a whole. I don’t want to
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There is another reason I am writing. Why do people discriminate on LGBTQ people, for they should have the same rights straight people do. LOVE. You should be able to love who you want to love. Why do we need a government to tell us who we should make love to? They say this is the land of the free RIGHT? Well it sure doesn’t feel like the land of the free. The way I see it, as long as you are not committing murder or molesting kids or raping people or kidnapping people or selling drugs why should people care if you want to marry a man if you’re a man yourself? Or a woman wanting to marry another woman? The government needs to be stopped, the way I see it, cause they scare me. LGBTQ people should have the same rights as straight people or people with religion. Hell, I have a quote for Christians, it’s in the Bible: Thou shall not judge for if you judge you will be judge. So if the people claiming to be christian say we are going to hell, so are they. God said love EVERYONE as I have loved you. We should be able to love who we want without being discriminated against. Much love to the LGBTQ community and keep fighting for our rights. Love always, PRINCE the second coming (TX)
Dear Black & Pink family :) Hello there fam and friends, well this is my first letter to you all and hopefully it reaches its mans. For those of you who don’t know me I go by Paradise or Queen P, I am 30 years old and incarcerated here in Texas. I am serving a 22 year
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sentence which is aggravated, I’ve been doing this time since 2013 and with God’s help this will be my first and last time behind bars! Anyway, I’ve been getting this awesome article for a short period of time but I’m always excited to read the letters, poems and etc. Although some of the stories make me sad because I know that life could be better, it’s always a blessing to get the word out. I have read and lived how the LGBTQ community constantly faces hardship throughout the prison system and I also read and lived how we overcome those hardships through courage, strength, power, family support and honest prayer and let’s not forget about our pride. I know all too well about constant challenges whereas the ratio is 80/20, meaning it’s 80% Hatersexuals to our small 20% homosexual crew! We as a whole have to come together and not only stop the bullshit bickering among ourselves but we have to also educate and encourage “NON-BELIEVERS” that if you associate with one of us “you won’t catch the gay.” Yes I’ve heard that my sexuality called many things and it’s even been called a “gay virus.” When I say virus I’m not talking about HIV or AIDS or any STD for that matter. I’m simply talking about homosexuality period! So many people have the misunderstanding that if you hang around, talk to, walk past, touch or so much as look at a gay person then you’re radioactive and the CDC has to be called because you’re now “gay!” NO! That’s the worst load of bologna I’ve ever heard... I know all too well that if you’re heterosexual and you turn to the “dark side” (Yes it’s called that too!
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Use the force Queen!) that you were already thinking about doing it or your curiosity got ahold of you and won! No one put a gun to your head and said, “hey lay with that man or woman and enjoy the pleasures of ecstasy that comes from same sex relations!” You made the conscious choice to do and experience that all on your own. I’m just saying if you like it then more power to you, stop saying “we” turned you out. Now to all the men, women, and youth that are stuck in the closet or in denial. STOP LETTING PEOPLE DICTATE YOUR LIFE! If you’re comfortable in that closet with those doors closed hiding behind the fur coat, stiletto pumps, Chanel clutch and a handful of make-up then honey bunny do you, but the rest of the world will be waiting for you to make your appearance and be as fabulous as you can be. Now to my youth, children and teens alike, babies you have to stop committing suicide - that’s so damn selfish, don’t rob the world of your unique existence because they say you’re not welcome, it’s not the way! I know the road to acceptance is harder than day-old bread and the mirror sometimes has a crack in it but there are so many people willing to help, you’re not alone! If you’re scared trust me there’s a hand waiting to help you get over that hump in life because if you weren’t meant to be here God wouldn’t have allowed you to be born! That message goes to adults as well! To the parents, grandparents, teachers, preachers all across the universe as far as the eye can see, we were made unique for a reason, not to be pushed down or silenced! Prevail, Rise, have Individuality, Dignity & Elegance! “P.R.I.D.E.”
Black & Pink News
We’re special no matter what you want to be. A message to the Hatersexuals, we can’t be stopped! We are the unstoppable force and the immovable object! We won’t be pushed around and we will wear our rainbows with pride, respect, courage and power! You can’t hate us because we’re different and not considered normal... (NEWSFLASH) Can anyone please tell me the exact definition of a normal person? Because if you can you deserve a Nobel Prize for the discovery of a new species of human! So chill with the whole “gay bashing” thing, you try and attack us because we look, act, walk, talk, smell, dress, dance, breathe and live differently. To me that is normal, when you have the courage to live outside the box of what society says is right! If you cut one of us and yourself as well we all bleed the same blood! That blood is the same blood Christ shed for all of us, so that all our sins would be forgiven and not judged as carnal. Yes I said it, our Lord and savior died on the cross for everyone not just heterosexuals, he died for gays, bisexuals, transexuals, etc. So let us live as we wish to live, we don’t cause trouble, we’re not aliens from another universe we’re just humans doing what we do best and expressing our freedom to be alive! To all my Kings and Queens, what good is your crown if it’s broken and your castle is always in chaos? Tighten up, buckle down and do your best shit! To all my brothers and sisters out there be kind to one another and guide our youth out of destruction, what you don’t see is that it’s always someone watching what you do, there’s always little eyes looking for a positive role model out there who they can say “she taught
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me how to walk like a lady,” or “he taught me how to have swagg like a man.” Anyway, B&P Fam keep your head high and stay strong. Also to all my incarcerated fam, my LGBTQ’s, I love all of you and you are all in my prayers and always remember the fight doesn’t stop because the clock stopped ticking, we’re all doing time in here and in the free world. Lastly to my husband Ray-Ray, baby, you held me down for 10 1/2 months through so many hard times, you’re my rock and foundation, you were there when I wanted to give up and I was there for you when you went through those terrible moments as well. We made our vows and I’ll keep my promise. I love you eternally with all my heart. Stay strong and stay blessed. Forever and always Love, Peace and Respect! Queen P (TX) Dear Black & Pink :-) My names is Jose but everyone knows me as Shadow. I’m 22 I’m from Brownsville, TX. Just found out about myself a lil over a year ago. I fell in love with a girl named Zoey. She was my world & eventually the officers found out about us. They used to give us a hard time. Eventually they separated us. :( I later found out Zoey was cheating on me :( it broke my heart. But by this time I had fully embraced who I am I even got LGBT in the back of my ear tattooed :-). Well nonetheless eventually I got over it & wrote her but I just found out she got moved. I recently found this magazine on the floor so I picked it up & I was like wow this is amazing, so I thought I might.
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as well get in contact with the rest of my LGBTQ family :-). I also want to give a shout out to whoever created this magazine/newspaper. I feel like myself now. I also want to give my first love a shoutout, Zoey I hope you read this one day & I want to thank you for helping me find myself, My Heart Will Always Belong to You :-) Well family I really wish you the best & hope to hear from yall soon, well I’ll let yall go for now but not for ever, SHADOW (TX)
Dear Black and Pink, I am writing this letter in response to a letter I had the privilege to read that caught my attention. The letter was in April/May 2018, written by “Heartbeat.” I would like you to know that my story is similar to his own story. So allow me to tell you a little bit about myself also. My name is “Adolphus,” but I am known as Rude Boy, that’s because I’m from the island in the West Indies. I am also a bisexual male who’s from the Windy City, I’m 5’11” 230 pounds of pure muscle, brown complexion with a bald head. I knew I was also bisexual when I was 13 years old when me and a friend started talking about all kinds of things that made us open up with each other. The next thing I knew my friend started kissing me, at first I was somewhat surprised with what had just happened. Yes, I really enjoyed the kiss because I made no attempt to stop him. The next thing I knew we had taken it to the next level sexually, we both made a commitment not to disclose our relationship with anyone.
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Yes, I enjoyed everything we did that day and many other days after that. To be honest we both liked what we had done very much. Me and my friend was also affiliated in the “gang culture,” so we couldn’t afford to show any weakness in the streets. When I went into the state prison system I met someone who I really liked and wanted to hook up with, but he was in another organization. So we had to be careful how we hooked up, we found a way to make our relationship work, we never got caught. He was my second serious relationship. I want to say hello to all the brothers and sisters with love.
I love everybody I’m a good person I have a 5 year sentence and discharge next year December 7, 2020 so I’m not trying to be rude but I love my trans women and my men I’m just so stuck in my ways I guess it’s just how I am.
Rude Boy (CO)
Sincerely Otis (TX)
I’d like to give a shout out to (Jade) your poem was amazing and beautiful *smile* :) I love all my LGBTQ Family and to B&P Thank you for all that you do/ shout out to Lois girl Lane wuz up ma keep ya head up & all my Brothers and Sisters stay up. Love, Peace, Joy God Bless ya’ll
Hello My name is Otis (AKA big’O) (AKA) (Champange) Anyway I’m a bisexual male and have been all my life but I have been dating men for the past 10 years and have two son’s by two different women. I love my kid’s and their mothers just not that way. I love getting with men but my problem is I also have femmeeways about myself but I also have a thing for trans women, who I love a lot too. I mean all my brothers and sisters but my thing is my kid’s mothers want me back but I don’t want them like that just as they want me now. I have set them straight on how I am now but they just don’t get the point. What can I do anybody to let them know that I am who I am and that I’m not changing that. I (need HELP brothers and sisters) what should I do?
Artwork by JESS X SNOW courtesy of amplifier.org
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Poetry from Our Family Though I stumble and fall Even when I hit a brick wall In all my struggle I am slowly but surely like a sword being tempered into a great weapon. Strong. Like an ugly, plain vase being Painted elegantly, crafted Perfected, beautifully, envisioned Beautifully I stand Strong I am made Resilient is my soul Brave is my heart I am all these things because I love, I am loved and love burns brightly within me As it does in each and every single person choosing to be who they are
she never was born. Lost little girl, walks quietly to her room Her heart beating fast as she waits for you know who.
Love Deeply, Speak Kindly, Live Bravely
Lost little girl, hopes someone would walk in And beat him senseless, this very nasty man. But she knows it won’t happen, because no one cares That she’s beaten and molested, her soul destroyed beyond repair. The years travel by yet still things seem the same The girl walks around with a heavy heart of shame.
Shelby King (AR)
Lost Little Girl Lost little girl, where did she come from? No one cared to ask, so she continued to run. She ran and she ran, into a wall full of lies Trying to escape her seducer’s peering eyes. Lost little girl, doesn’t want to go home She’d rather stay in the bushes, she’d rather stay all alone. But it’s getting dark now, the street lights have come one So she walks to her house, wishing
She sits on the bed full of shame and fear Then the man she calls uncles walks in with a beer. Lost little girl, she closes her eyes The whole time asking, why God WHY? It’s been a long dreadful hour and he’s still sitting there Touching her in places she has yet to grow hair.
But she’s a very LOST GIRL! Indeed she needs love Or perhaps she just wants it, when all she really needs is a hug. But she want to be held, to feel like she’s wanted. So she gives herself freely, to whomever wants it. What should be cherished by her means nothing at all Cause it was taken away by that man don’t you recall?
She’s still a lost little girl but what the world doesn’t see Is that although she’s grown up, I know she’s lost Because She’s Me…. Alysha (VA) Nobody My head is screaming profanity and I feel like banging my head until it explodes All the pieces telling of a secret that nobody knows As all the blood leaves my body Messages in scars are revealed to tell my story Nobody knows the danger I hold within myself of myself Nobody cares to take the time to know My life full of lies, confusion & uncertainty I go thru time with fake okness The voices laughing Telling me its ok to cut To release the pain the only way I know how. To hurt myself or others “Hurt people, Hurt people,” That’s the name of the game. Whose gonna be there to hold me down With love & compassion when they have to put me down like a rabid dog? As far as I can tell... NOBODY By Julianna AKS Crazy Beautiful (TX)
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Olivia Christmas came Times were sad Not even a card From mom nor dad No family of my own Kids or wife Burdened by the choice To end this cruel life Holding the blade Between my thumb and index finger They tremble with anticipation As suicidal thoughts linger The razor inches closer To a vein-riddled wrist As a familiar name Is called from a penitentiary’s mail list A card has came But from someone I don’t even know Olivia reached through my tough exterior And caressed my fragile soul So I express my thanks To an angel from Roxbury The only way I can On a piece of stationery
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Oppressive Absolute Curse me to my face Break my aging bones Set me on fire And drink my ashes I would rather you poison my only cup Than ignore me for the rest of my life This is our moment
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Or to live in fear We can choose to love Vylit (OR)
Unjustice System My moral compass got me lost. Now I pay the cost. The legal system must be fair, Because, of course, society does care.
Twister (KY)
Beatrice We are Frozen in space & time Separated by 190,080,000 inches The new moon is full And so is my heart This peace This unending silence is...
Artwork by family member, Shaylanna L, NY
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“Criminal thinking I soon won’t bare.” Justice? Rehabilitation is in the air. Second chances once I’m repaired. Police officers, we see crimes everywhere, but find no victims there. We will make a case anyway, By pestering the no victim everyday.
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“You ARE a victim!”, we say. Justice? That comes from the DA. We’re just earning our pay. Prosecutors, win our case, all that matters, is our only pace. Embellish the facts, omissions not lie. The truth, I don’t even try. “I look good in this tie.”
October 2019
Justice? Public Pretenders problem, I cry. Furthering career is my pie. Public Defenders, that’s a joke. The poor should give up hope. Under paid and too much work, “Hurry up, plea-bargain guilty, you jerk!” Your name? I need a clerk. Justice? That’s the court’s perk. Deal making is where I lurk. Judges, to be an elect, we give voters what they expect. Hard on crime, decide your fate. As judge I hate, hate, hate. “What poll? How do I rate?” Justice? Legislators will create. Don’t forget. Vote me on this date. Politicians, we use fear, your trust to do what we must. Build prisons. A line be drawn. Rehabilitation? Many jobs would be gone. “Voters? Morons. What, this mic is on?” Justice? The media gets it done. You I would never con. Reporters, we do what must to give news that extra thrust. Monsters, what you want to see. Spin, exaggerate, omit, fine by me. “Make money is what must be.” Justice? Public decides the fee. Anyways criminals are less than we. Greg (WI) Free Expressions
Artwork by family member, Shaylanna L, NY
Free Expressions -Feeling beautiful in your skin. Lover’s passions, I do seek love with you forever in. Your smile blossoms
Volume 9, Issue 6
Like flowers in spring time. Coming Out Fear Not, Emerging gifts we have, Ambitious goals, Abundance of mental strength, Free expression, Passion, Patience, Appreciation, Care and Love.
blackandpink.org
I thought I was destined to be all alone, but then came you and made me want our own home. You have been there for me through think and thin, showing me this is not a fling! I thank you for being who you are with me, because you hold to my heart key. I want to be the best too because of my love for you. *to my baby Steven S. I love you*
Her Kiss is Fresh As the Morning’s Dew
by Gina. B, (TX)
Her kiss is fresh as the morning’s dew With a warmth of sunshine. When I step into her green turquoise eyes, I get pulled into extraordinary beauty of oceans, And sunsets I never knew. Her love was intoxicating like sweet honey wine. She had a magical hold on me, that I could not break free. Spinning dizzy in love from dusk to dawn, And all through the day.
When Good Things Go Bad
Jeff (MO)
“My love for you” My love for you is so pure & sincere that everyone I go your name I hear. I sometimes think I’m going mad, then I come to realize I’m just glad that I met you. Before I met you I didn’t believe in love.
He’s kissing on your lips biting on your neck your back against the wall it feels so good you moan then he’s got it out hands pushing your head down its in your mouth its so hot his hands on the back of your head it’s too big you’re choking gagging trying to pull up for air he pushes down more his hands on your ass he’s pulling down your pants your thankful you can breathe he spits on your hole now its rammed inside you tears fall silently from your eyes you say no stop he doesn’t you pull away he hits you you’re scared crying the pain so bad you want it to just stop he jerks and rams the pain so much you feel the blood then it’s over do you tell when good things go bad Skittles (TX)
Page 37
Live & Let Live! Since my earliest state of awareness I knew that I was different; So confused at such a young age I just didn’t know How to express it. Torn between to tell, or not to tell. Criticism and judgement shadows such an issue; Maybe it’s best to take my own life. That would be better than Facing the truth! “I’m a little girl trapped inside this foreign body,” I would practice telling my mother in a mirror; Then I would envision her saying, “It’s okay my darling son,” while holding me like there’s no one dearer. Then we would break the news to my Father who would Have absolutely no understanding; I would picture him calling me derogatory names, disowning me, possibly even a physical bashing. That’s not even the half of it. I still have to face judgemental society; It seems so much safer in the closet, wondering why God has forsaken me. What would you advise? You should be able to assist me on what to do. After all, everyone is influenced by society. What you hear will most certainly affect you! Love, Live, and Let Love & Let Live! Melvin (OH)
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October 2019
Black & Pink News
Call for Submissions Seeking erotic short stories, poems, and art by Black & Pink incarcerated and free-world family members for a new zine. To be mailed, art cannot include full nudity. Please send submissions (and shout out to the authors from the first issue mailed in January!) addressed to Black & Pink — HOT PINK. This is a voluntary project, and no money will be offered for submissions, but you might get the chance to share your spicy story with many other readers! The zine will be sent one or two times per year. To subscribe to upcoming issues of HOT PINK, write to our address, Black & Pink — HOT PINK.
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If you are being released and would still like to receive the Black & Pink News, please let us know where to send it! Penpal program info: LGBTQ prisoners can list their information and a short non-sexual ad online where free-world people can see it and decide to write. There will be forms in upcoming issues. Mail info: We are several months behind on our mail. There will be a delay, but please keep writing! Email us: members@blackandpink.org
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Artwork by Katie Rita courtesy of amplifier.org
Artwork by Michelle Andrade courtesy of amplifier.org