Big Mike OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE SHARES HIS THOUGHTS ON THE CAR BUSINESS
Who is Big Mike? Well, that would be telling. What we can say is he’s had more than 40 years in the car trade so has probably forgotten more about it than we’re likely to know. 46 | CarDealerMag.co.uk
COMMENT
Money talks when it comes to used cars in this mixed-up world
E
ver since Dominic Cummings decided to test his eyesight by driving a Land Rover Discovery to Barnard Castle, we’ve been dealing with mixed messages left, right and centre. Well, right at least, but best not bring politics into this. Let’s just say I originate from the UK’s industrial heartland, so where Big Mike’s concerned it’s fair to say that blue isn’t the colour. You go your way and I’ll go mine – I’ll never judge. Anyway, away from the little bit of politics creeping in there, the mixed messages are clearly being passed down to the car-buying public, many of whom weren’t the car-buying public just a few weeks ago. But now, as we’re being told to all go back to work but not go back to work, to wear face coverings in public but not in pubs or coffee shops, and to order our shopping online where we can but support our local businesses, there’s another gem in the government’s policy around transport. We should try to avoid public transport if we can, they say, but also avoid polluting the atmosphere, as the policymakers take a leaf out of the car sales book by slapping fifty quid on the bonnet of a new bicycle – the only difference being that Boris didn’t have the buying power of Arnold Clark to get a load of bikes in a month-end pack deal. The message, then, is don’t use buses or trains, but don’t use cars. Instead, just jump on your velocipede, strap on a helmet that makes you look like a demented grasshopper, and do battle with skip truck drivers and empty double-deckers, none of whom can see you when one lane merges into the next. Either that or walk 14 miles to work, which is something we all have the time and the legs for, of course. Quite apart from the fact that – bicycle-bound – you’re probably more likely to die at the wheels of an 18-tonner than you are of the dreaded ’Rona, the idea that we should all be cycling to work misses out quite a few crucial elements, such as the fact that if it rains, you’ll rock up at work looking as wet as Jacob Rees-Mogg, but unlike him you won’t be able to recline on a bench and start snoring halfway through your shift. Meanwhile, if the mercury hits a dirty thirty, you’ll sweat more than a convict at sentencing time before you’ve even got to the office and then spend most of the day smelling like an anaerobic digester, which is hardly the way to win friends and influence people – though it can be advantageous if you like a quiet life. As a result of all this, it’s hardly surprising that inexpensive cars have been disappearing from my forecourt in the past few weeks as quickly as Katie Hopkins has from social media platforms, albeit with slightly more in the way of grace and dignity. Seriously, while the new car market has been in a state of turmoil and the nearly-new/ not-very-used arena has fared little better, those of us who specialise in the sub-£5k area of the market are making hay while the sun shines. Right now, I can get six or seven hundred quid for anything with a decent MOT even if it’s a worn-out South Korean hatchback that would have been bin fodder just six months ago. Meanwhile, it seems that a 2005 Honda Jazz or a 2004 Toyota Corolla Verso (to name but two of the recent cheapies that flew off my lot without even seeing the wet end of a jet wash for twice what they used to be worth) are the hottest used car property that money can buy. And dealers such as myself, for whom such cars are our bread and butter, have become as much of an essential worker as the local Tesco delivery man, combine harvester operator or postie – unsung heroes of a society that has woken up to the realisation that a lot of people’s jobs really don’t matter an awful lot in the grand scheme of things, even if they are paid handsomely. So this is our time in the spotlight, and with it has come a moment of epiphany for several people who have been buying their cars on the never-never ever since they were old enough to acquire credit and who work in jobs that begin with the preface ‘e-’ or end in
You’ll rock up at work looking as wet as Jacob Rees-Mogg.
