After the Aisle

Lessons Learned in Love and Life with Your Spouse

Be Your Own Relationship Goals Create Without Comparison

WRITTEN BY CHERYL POLOTE WILLIAMSON

“Marriage is about the foundation and building something stable—bonds, companionship, family, business, and legacy.”

Twenty-nine years later, #TeamWilliamson is still #TeamWilliamson. We’re not perfect, but we’re us. The power we possess as a unit is unmatched. We don’t look to the left or right at what anyone else is doing. We measure ourselves against ourselves, always striving to be better for one another.

Comparing your relationship to someone else’s relationship model is one of the biggest mistakes people make. Social media is notorious for spreading the idea that what someone else has should be desired and duplicated. The reality is, we don’t know anyone’s true story. We only see the upside that they decide to show us. We know about the trips, lavish meals, new cars, and birthday gifts. We see their lives in snapshots and reels and then peg them as “relationship goals.” Even if the couples we have decided upon and chosen to admire, emulate, or envy (let’s be honest) are indeed having the time of their lives in real-time, we still don’t know the behind-thescenes and the work that it took to get there. Too often, people view the fruit of progress in a relationship as instant or immediate and neglect to respect the journey. My advice—be your own goal. Take your eyes off of what anyone else is doing. Stop comparing your real “in progress” life to someone else’s screenshot of happiness, and get committed to doing the work that makes solid relationships great.

One of the things that makes a great marriage is the ability to determine what is essential. The strength of marriage gets tested. First, make sure you are connecting with someone with whom you are willing to go the distance. Social media dream couples don’t post disagreements or disappointments. They don’t show you the low times and the work—all the hard work that goes into one picturesque moment. Choose someone mutually and equally committed to doing the work.

Marriage is about the foundation and building something stable—bonds, companionship, family, business, and legacy. Sometimes maintenance of those things requires forgiveness and understanding that your partner is better than their worst day. Yes, romance and the fancy stuff make relationships look pretty, but pretty fades and sometimes hurts. You have to be assured that there is something to sustain you on the days pretty barely looks okay. What do you and your partner have that is worth fighting for? What is your capacity for grace? At the root level, are you and your mate friends? Do you have what it takes to build and rebuild, structure and restructure, go head-on, and tackle the hardships TOGETHER, again and again? Do you have the courage to create without comparison? Look at your partner and declare your relationship, relationship goals.

Cheryl Polote Williamson, nationally acclaimed, award-winning, multi bestselling author, filmmaker and executive producer, transformational speaker, success coach, CEO and editor-in-chief of Cheryl Magazine, is also founder of Soul Reborn 501(c)(3) and CEO of Cheryl Polote Williamson, LLC. Together, she and her husband Russell Williamson, acclaimed leadership and development coach, bestselling author, executive, and entrepreneur, are former franchise owners and owners of Williamson Media Group, LLC.

Photographed by Crystal Chatmon

Photograph by Tavaris Gary of TRG Photography LLC

Love WithIntentionChoose Every Day

WRITTEN BY CARMEN AND WILL WATKINS

“Make every effort to choose your spouse first, every day.”

In 2015, Carmen and Will walked down the aisle on a brisk fall day at Foxhall Resort outside of Atlanta, Georgia. Since that day, they have grown together all while raising three beautiful children. They share what they have learned during their journey together thus far.

Don’t ever compare your love story to the next person’s. Instead, surround yourself with married couples who share the same values and beliefs. These couples could include a few who are seasoned in their marriage and a few who are on the journey with you. We make every effort to be involved in our marriage ministry at our church, and we have outings with our married friends every other month or so. When you have people around you to support you, journey with you, and remind you that you aren’t alone in the highs and lows of marriage, it helps to keep you encouraged.

Also, therapy isn’t a last resort. Therapy is a safe space to grow and navigate the many layers that make you and your partner unique. The goal isn’t just to stay married, but instead to be happily married and bring honor to God through your marriage. Therapy has been a great tool for us. I honestly look forward to our sessions.

Make every effort to choose your spouse first, every day. This means that I am tapping into my spouse’s love languages throughout the day, week, month, and year. Honestly, in my case, it’s tapping into my wife’s love languages — emphasis on the plural. About the Watkins’ Atlanta, Georgia is home for the Watkins where Will is a senior strategic partner and Carmen is a social media influencer, author, and founder of the nonprofit RunYourVision, Inc. This November they celebrated six years of marriage.

Photograph by Catherine Ritchie Park | My Life Photography

AboveAll Else: Friends First

WRITTEN BY SHARDAE AND EMMETT ORR

“Above all else, we learned that friendship is the cornerstone of our marriage.”

My husband Emmett and I will be married for one year on December 12. To be honest, it feels as though the time has flown by. In this short year, we’ve learned so much. If I had to describe it, the past year has been like an album that you can play all the way through – some selections have you dancing around your house without a care in the world, and others find you with tears in your eyes feeling every emotion you didn’t even know you had.

This first year of marriage taught us that our marriage is no one else’s but our own. With so many outside voices from family, friends, and even social media, we realized our voices should always be the loudest in our home. Keeping our voices a priority, with the wisdom we’ve taken from our counselors and mentors, has allowed us a freedom in marriage without the bondage of other’s opinions. It’s forced us to listen to each other with intentionality and communicate effectively.

The biggest lesson we’ve learned in love is that it’s not a feeling but a decision that we make every day. We found out early on in our marriage that circumstances have the ability to change in an instant. In this year, we’ve faced unexpected health challenges that caused us to be there for one another when our faith was shaken, and realized those types of trials can make our love even stronger.

We’ve learned to fall in love with the little things, like dancing in the kitchen, forehead kisses goodbye, and sending midday memes via text. It’s not always about the dates and the flowers, but it’s instead about being comfortable in silence and safe in our vulnerability. Above all else, we learned that friendship is the cornerstone of our marriage; once the cameras were off and the flowers were thrown away, it was just us…and that was more than enough.

Emmett and Shardae Orr currently reside in Atlanta, GA. While Emmett is an Atlanta native, Shardae is originally from Washington, DC. They both work for the same major non-profit where they met almost 8 years ago. Shardae is currently Director of Marketing, and Emmett is the Executive Director of Operations. They enjoy date nights with other couples, movies, and spending time with their dog, Zoe Rose.

Emmett Orr - IG @ emmett_o Shardae Orr - IG @ShardaeOrr