Black - Bright - News Issue 57
Commit to Sh*t and Stick to it!
W H AT H A S H A P P E N E D T O T H E B L AC K FA M I LY ? IS FEMINSATION DESTROYING OUR MEN? Who is Naturalie?
Fast forward 18 years? Blackbright News is still a transformational tool for black family members, who are preoccupied with electronic gadgets, fashion trends, shopping malls, sports, social media and listening music, in an effort to facilitate self-actualisation.
The Editor’s Rant
Nothing Happens Before the Time.
In October 2000, I returned to the UK, from an eleven year tenure in the TriState area of the United States, and found myself comparing the zeal of black families I had been acquainted with in America, with what I perceived to be, apathy or indifference in Black-British families in the UK. When I decided to create Blackbright News in May 2005, I wanted to create a resource that would inspire and motivate black people to do more with their lives and talents.
To be honest, I have had periods where I felt disheartened because I failed to witness a difference. I had not taken into consideration that demotivated individuals may not be drawn to a magazine like Blackbright News, because it has dissociated itself from the cause or source of the problem and, in the past, focussed on the symptoms.
Blackbright News is putting black people at the centre of everything it publishes through re-education; developing intelligence and awareness raising.
I recruited volunteers from University of Bedfordshire, who had the necessary skills. My biggest challenge was images, which is what most successful magazines are built on. I am a writer and a visual artist, and while I can take ‘selfies’ and I’m quite snap happy, I am not a photographer. Blackbright News needed images that represented the magazine well, and that the publication owned.
Blackbright News will illustrate how being, a product of society, the black family is losing strength and ground.
Once we understand that the social and political systems are responsible for disharmony in the black family/relationships, we will not be so hard on ourselves.
I was fortunate that Yvonne Hector (as she was known then) Dale Lockitt (both brilliant photographers) and Lakshmi Narayan Gupta ‘Gupta’ (a student Graphic Designer), answered my advert for volunteers, so were instrumental in helping me produce a few visually impactful editions, but month by month they dropped away as they pursued their personal dreams, which forced me to get ‘skilled up’ so that Blackbright News could continue.
Because focussed photographs were not available, I found myself creating topics around the images that were available, which was not ideal. Fortunately, Google provides free images, which are not restricted by licence, so Blackbright News was able to produce a publication to an acceptable standard.
Blackbright News will cover the symptoms of demoralisation; failure, lack of control, abandonment and betrayal in futures issues. In this way, we will be in a position to correct what has been going wrong for so long within our black communities.
It is hoped that Blackbright News will attract those individuals who are in a position to empower black people towards their God-given destiny. After years of psychological indoctrination and enslavement, Black People need to be encouraged to understand the benefit of being spirit-led, convicted, passionate, reliable and responsible human beings.
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Myrna Loy, Founder & Managing Editor.
What Happened to the Black Family?
Commit to Sh*t and Stick to it!
What’s Happened to the Black Family?
Naturalie - the Poet
The black family historically believed it took ‘a village to raise a child’, which meant that it wasn’t left to the parents to raise their family, but that members of the community supported the family, through networking, sharing duties and problems, while also ensuring that children were raised in the correct way. If an uncle, or a neighbour saw a child doing wrong, they would report the child to be disciplined, which meant that children were always on their guard or best behaviour. The nearest we got to that in the UK was nominating a Godfather and a Godmother. Many godparents have little interaction with the child these days, and some don’t even see the child beyond the christening day!
Feminising Our Men
The Black Family Tree?
Blackbright News
ISSN No. 1751-1909
When our parents moved to the UK, the extended family and wider support network was left in their country of origin, so the bulk of the responsibility for raising a family, was on the couple, and more recently, on the woman or the Welfare State.
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Myrna Loy, Founder & Managing Editor
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Paypal: blackbrightnews@gmail.com Inspiration for this edition comes from Dr Myles Munro, Dr Amos Wilson & Cynthia G.
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How does this impact the black family in Britain? We need to remember that families, regardless of race or colour, reflect the socio-political and economic framework at the time, and that the female played a key role in stabilising the family. The black family, therefore, rather than being nuclear, is, and will always be a product of the society it lives in.
I was born in early 1950s and grew up in North West London in my parents’ home. As adolescents, we had no idea how bills were paid, what sacrifices our parents made to keep a roof over our heads. I, like my siblings, accepted that we had a mother, a father, a home and some relatives and friends who visited our home, and that was our black family. We were not made aware of the distinction between renting and buying and how families stayed together. I was not taught in school about how to raise a family, maintain a family, look after a husband or save money. I took it for granted that the family would always exist, regardless what happened in the world, which in my young mind meant, there would always be a mother, father, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins and nephews and a house to live in.
efits’ when I notified them I had got married, because the responsibility for my upkeep transferred to my husband. My husband did not provide adequately for me, he was not committed and compounded by his insecurities, I filed for divorce. I raised my child, supplemented by child benefit and ‘cash in hand1’ where available, so my family at that time, consisted of myself, my daughter and the welfare state.
When the Welfare State refused to help women who had a partner or a husband, and could not provide housing to women who were in relationships, it forced black women to reject black men, even if they cared about him, or had children by him, in favour of stability. House ownership was not a consideration, but a preoccupation with protecting their housing and financial situation was. I believe this was the start of the disintegration of the black family. Men left women to their own devices, knowing that the Welfare State would look after them, and were relieved to be free of domestic responsibilities.
When I left home as a teenager to live with my husband-to-be, I had visions of my own ‘family’, but when my premature baby died, I realised that I had taken my notion of a family for granted. When I got pregnant again, I got married, but the second baby was born prematurely and also died. I started wondering if I would ever be able to recreate the family I had grown up with. My husband was frustrated that I could not ‘carry a child’ and became abusive and left me for someone else, but still claimed his conjugal rights during his periodic visits and I fell pregnant again.
I don’t think we, as black women thought much about the repercussions of our ‘independence’ from the black male - we were more concerned on securing an income, so we could look after ourselves and our children. Women were accused of being instrumental in the emasculation of black men, making him feel worthless because they did not give him a role to play. Many of the strategists, were able to ‘make money on the side’ so were doing financially very well. Meanwhile, black men reneged on their parental and domestic responsibilities, and chose to play the field.
In 1968 the government created a huge new department called the Department of Health and Social Security (DHSS). It took over the old National Assistance Board (NAB) as well as many others, and introduced supplementary benefits to top up existing benefits, child benefit, was one such benefit.
Being unemployed, I claimed social security (as it was called then), which meant my rent, electricity, gas and poll-tax got paid, and I also received a few extra pounds to buy essentials with. However, I did not realise that I would lose all ‘ben-
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But with every cause there is an effect. Many Black British men became resentful, insecure and angry and stopped contributing all together, taunting women with: “you asked for independence, now you’ve got it!”, and this, sad to say, was the demise of many working-class black families.
Working-class Black families have never quite recovered from their reliance on the welfare state. It became the norm not to live with a man, but to have a ‘weekend’ boyfriend, because it would adversely affect the household income. Those who ‘had ambition’, secured an income, were able to live with their partners, raise families and some even brough a home together and lived a productive and healthy lifestyle – but they were the minority.
We often get a bleak image of family life in Britain, with marriage in decline, divorce on the rise (There were 106,959 divorces of opposite-sex couples in 2016, an increase of 5.8% compared with 2015), generations of families living on benefits and struggling single parents, and according to the Office of National Statistics, as at February 2018, there were 239,020 heterosexual marriages in England and Wales in 2015.
So my fragmented and maladapted family life in the 1970s, was very different to the tight-knit nuclear family I grew up in, in the 1950s, where my mum and dad married for life and raised healthy children. Family life back then seemed perfect in the eyes of a child - rationing had ended, affordable houses were being constructed, wages had increased and unemployment was low, it was a recipe for stable black family life.
Marriages lasted longer in the 1950s, mainly because divorces were difficult to obtain and stigmatised by society. When the Divorce Reform Act came into force in 1969, divorces skyrocketed between the 4
1970s and 1990s, which indicates that people stayed in their marriages not because they wanted to, but because they felt they had to.
The current black family found it difficult to mirror the ‘village child’ and the nuclear family in a country run by social and political change and legislation that gave them perceived freedom of choice. Women’s Rights and the Black Feminist Movement saw to it that women were treated more equally. The Property Rights Act, the Reproductive Rights Act (the Pill and Abortion Act), the Right to Work for Equal Pay and Sex Discrimination Act, all took a stab at the family network, causing familial relationships to become complex and fragmented. Unmarried couples living together became the norm; single-parents became more accepted; divorce was no longer frowned upon, children were growing up with half-siblings, different fathers, different mothers, sometimes different step-parents or foster parents throughout their lifetime, and as tolerance lowered for maltreatment, black families severed as a result. It is important to note that black men neglecting the family is not the standard, it was circumstances that made it so
In summary, social conditioning, politics and legal reforms played a large part in the structure and demise of the black family. We should not be pointing fingers at each other, and installing blame. All members of the family, need to look at their individual relationships realistically and in a historical context to see how we can rebuild a strong family network. Idealism and unreasonable expectations is what is ruining the black family today, mainly through media, technology and other distractions. We need to go back to the root to see where we went wrong, so we can put it right. Footnote:
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Over the last few years, large fines were being imposed on anyone caught paying an employee cash in hand, under the money laundering and Terrorism Acta. This spoilt it for everyone who wanted to make a little extra money, and also adversely affected household incomes.
Commit to S**t and Stick to it! Quote by P. Anderson
What Men Think About Relationships If you look around these days, there seems to be a lot of single women and single men, living apart quite contentedly. What has happened to individuals to make them content to live separately.
and have nothing else to back it up. They are looking for men to maintain their expensive lifestyles. The men say they work very hard, and cannot spend their money frivously on women with incompatible values.
Negative Attitudes Men feel frustrated by women who are negative, who are not willing to take advice, help out, who gossip and criticise all the time, especially when they talk badly about men and past relationships.
Our history plays a big part believe it or not. Women were taught not to rely on anyone, in particular men – and men have proved to be unreliable. As a result, men have become an accessory, rather than a need, in today’s relationships. I asked a few single men what they thought about the status of today’s relationship, and consolidated their responses. As the interviews covered a few hours, I have highlighted the key elements to construct this article.
Lack of Self-love Women who appear to love themselves from the outset but then reveal a insecurities, selfhatred, were very self-critical or who could not accept compliments, was offputting for men.
Fear Fear was cited as being a key component for staying alone. Fear of rejection; fear of sexual inadequacy; fear of someone being attracted to them for what they’ve got; fears of repercussions when asserting authority; fear of not being able to look after, or protect the female. and fear that affects many of us: “Am I good enough?” These fears are compounded by false perceptions and unrealistic expectations.
Femininity Men want women to behave like ladies – they don’t like the brawling cursing behaviour. They understand that women have a need to be self-sufficient, but they don’t like women who behave masculine.
Complacency Men complained about women who stopped caring about their appearance, their health, hygiene and developing their spirituality. They felt that self-development and self-care was important.
Some men see a beautiful women and even though the woman engages with them, they are concerned whether the female is genuine, what kind of baggage she is carrying and whether she really likes him.
Lack of Responsibility It was felt that women preferred sex only relationships, without responsibility or domesticities. The independent Women era, means that women no longer want to cooperate or compromise, and men are finding it hard to navigate relationships with this foundation.
Can you imagine entering into a relationship with so many fears and doubts?
Demanding Women Some men said that women were too demanding they want to be taken out for dinner, movies, theatre; they want a man to pay for their hair, their nails, their clothes. It seems that men don’t mind treating women, but they want to do it in their own time and on their own terms - when they feel it is appreciated and not an expectation.
Testing Men are finding that they need to test women to find out whether they are the type of woman that is going to stand the test of time, but many women are failing the test. They find that women have no patience, resilience or tolerance, and that at the slightest mishap, they are giving up.
Lack of consideration Showing consideration ranks high on the list – call when running late; call if you have changed your mind; update when you get home safely – they want women to be more considerate. Materialism In the era of the Kardashians, it was felt that women like to spend a lot of money on clothes,
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Lies/Deception/Lack of Trust Lies and deceit seems to be one of the biggest bugbears – men prefer honesty and straightforwardness, regardless of what it is. They are more likely to stick by women who tell them the truth.
BLACKSONIFIED
How does a minority (when 2/3rd are the majority) hold that majority captive? How does a minority (when 2/3rds are the majority) obstruct their motivation to live? How does a minority, when 2/3rds are the majority disable a domineering class? How do they switch their thinking so that there is internal fighting I don’t know who to ask?
How does a minority, when 2/3rds are the majority, distort our youths’ choice to decide? Place subliminal messages in movies, provide drugs, guns and ‘booties’ Making them complicit in their own genocide? How can we talk to our brothers, without sounding racist. In order to warn them about the trap that persists? How do we turn things around, when things are so far gone and protect them from the Blackapitalist?
How do we tell our women, not to stop having children When the system sends mixed messages? How can we tell them there is a ploy in place to reduce our race, When we cannot prove it exists? 6
How do our black men rise, when so many are institutionalised So fail to produce a new black generation? How can we prevent our men from being psychologically destroyed, Unable to build a solid foundation?
Super Hero Some men inherently desire to rescue and protect women. They have a ‘Super Hero Identity’, which attracts them to needy, damaged and sometimes unhealthy women, so when these women also disappear under the umbrella of self-sufficiency and independence, there are no women for the superhero to rescue, leaving him feeling vulnerable, useless and irrelevant.
Sociologists have studied our generation, and our tendency towards short-term gratification; but we tend to trivialise that research. We poo-poo education, we party and spend for the nation, And then wonder why we are left with the ‘church’.
Guilt v Atonement (forgiving past behaviours) When men meet women, they have no idea what they have been through. Their behaviours may dictate that something is not quite right, but he is not going to know whether it is something he is doing, or something that has happened in the past, that she is projecting on him. An abused woman may show lack of trust, and lack of tolerance; she maybe sceptical about male intentions; she maybe waiting for betrayal to happen and in doing so brings about a self-fulfilling prophecy. Men say women need to resolve past issues before entering into a new relationship. The problem with that is that most women can only heal when they are in a relationship.
When will we stop calling our men worthless, claiming that they deserve it, and have no tolerance for victims of circumstance? When will our men, feel strong and positive again? I wonder if they stand a chance!
Changing what you’ve got until you’ve got what you want Some men felt challenged and discouraged by women who called them controlling when they wanted to change them for the ‘better’, by attempting to promote a healthier lifestyle; limit the use of hair chemicals, chastise them for excessive smoking or drinking, even though that is how they met them. Reformation was met with opposition, which men found hard to understand.
Black people rise up; you don’t need a guide dog to create a mindset that won’t self-destruct! Effeminate Fashion and cashless systems, Are geared to seduce and deceive, so you need to use wisdom! If you don’t read Willie Lynch’s letter, which predicts our behaviour You will never counter machinations or constructively direct your future! My heart bleeds when I see a black youth brought down to his knees Just because he doesn’t understand that he is part of a scam; Devise your own ‘game’ and get out of ‘man’s plan So that you don’t become another self-destructive black man.
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Obstacles to Compatibility (one word answers) - Rigid Values – parties who ae inflexible and are not willing to compromise - Evolving at difference pace – couples can grow apart over time if they don’t share views - Online Relationships – Don’t know what you are getting behind the screen - Lack of Tolerance – Lack of empathy for differences can create impatience. - Lack of ‘professional’ curiosity – partners need to ask questions to understand their partner. - Materialism – partners who make unrealistic material demands - Smoking and other addictions – when partners are unwilling to compromise, it can create distance between parties - Levels of life experiences – where there is a lack of similar experiences, it could mean a lack of understanding - Poor Judgement - making quick/poor decisions based on stereotyping and bias. - Making comparisons – creates insecurities and is unreasonable - Unrealistic expectations – causes discontentment, frustration and lack of fulfilment.
IN A NUTSHELL: What Prevents Successful Relationships - People no longer take relationships seriously; - Too much choice and ways to meet people (internet, clubs, institutions, travelling, etc); - Technological distractions (phones, social media, algorithms); - Indifference, apathy, disinterest – people can’t be bothered; - Insufficient human contact (online dating); - Attention span (5 seconds) – are they worth talking to – preconceived ideas based on a 5 second scan); - Mistrust (people don’t trust each other), infidelity, lies, deception, scepticism; - Stereotypes, prejudice, perceptions; - Low self-esteem, poor self-image, indoctrination; - Emasculation of men; - Independent Women; - Culture – Black People Time’ can be interpreted as lack of consideration and respect; - Upbringing, influences, mis-education; - Time Management – people fail to manage their time properly to give time to each other; - Ego, Macho, Chauvinism, Narcissism – shows lack of sensitivity; - Disappointment, lack of accountability; - Argumentativeness, nagging and moaning is offputting; - Lack of tolerance of indiscretions; - Testing, unrealistic expectations; - Excessive criticism; being judgemental, isolation; and Relevance of modern day relationships.
Co-operation with each other - Transparency (be open with each other) - Build a relationship on trust, not deception - Understanding by listening and observing - Compatibility – do you have similar values? - Respect – value your partner and their feelings - Consideration – be caring about your partner - Commitment - persevere through difficult times - Integrity - do what you say you are going to do - Conflict Management – resolve conflict amicably - Accountability – owning up to your part in disappointments and disagreements - Effective communication – means listening in order to understand. I hope from this information, we can start to understand the possible reasons why couples prefer to live apart, and what to do if we want to live together.
How to Resolve Relationship at a Glance Self-Love - Body, mind and spirit - Be Open to learning - Role Models for Relationships - who is yours? - Taking responsibility for growth - Self-Reflection – re-evaluate own behaviour - Acceptance – accept each other - Solvency – clear emotional & financial debts - Health & Wellbeing – nurture health - Stability – sort out past issues - Keep clean and smell good - Maintain a good character and reputation - Authenticity – Honesty with who you are Love of Others - Be flexible - Be willing to compromise - Be willing to listen attentively - Demonstrate displays of affection - Show interest in others - Be accepting of foibles - Be forgiving - Trust until they prove they can’t be trusted
Natalie is a 38 year old teacher, model, poet, and mother of two, a 15 year daughter and a 13 year old son. Born in Harrow, of a Rastafarian mother, Natalie ended up living live in South London when she was 19 and attended University, she identifies with being ‘a Londoner’. If you see Natalie, she is a beautiful wordsmith with mesmerising long dreadlocks, which she has grown since she was 8 years old, and which is why she assumed the name Naturalie. She says: “Naturalie is a play on words but not my name. I’m natural and I’m naturally poetic, but I decided to spell it Naturalie”. Naturalie finds poetry therapeutic because it rescued her through her difficult moments and artistic challenges. Naturalie cleverly combined her natural look with her ability to pen words, and calls herself ‘Naturalie Poetic’, and uses her passion to motivate the disadvantage youth.
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Naturalie says “I am not a feminist but I have feminist traits – fairness for women - women should be allowed to be outspoken, and I believe in empowering women through my poetry. As women, we do need men - I am not anti-men, but at the same time, we need to talk up as women, state who we are, own our power and not allow ourselves to be suppressed sexually as individuals. Naturalie then mentioned the graphic content of her poetry. Naturalie says stigma and fear of judgement, has caused women to suppress their sexuality because they are afraid to declare how they really feel sexually. Naturalie speaks for women who feel judged for expressing themselves. In essence, Naturalie is putting herself in the line of fire for any women who want to say: “ so you wanna f***k pussy..” which is the starting line of a verse in one of her poems. I asked Natalie what her greatest challenges, and how she overcame them. man at some point, but she is in no hurry and he would have to be worthy.
Naturalie behaved like many women when she was in a romantic relationship. She compromised a lot - giving more time to herself and her passion, was one of her biggest challenges.
Naturalie’s other major challenge was getting on stage for the first time to perform her poetry and gauging whether her poetry was appropriate or not. Naturalie experienced all the fears that people who speak in public have for the first time. However, she conquered her fears of being in the limelight, when she recited her liberating power poetry, which was well received.
Was her passion worth breaking up from her partner of several years? She surmised it was. Not only that, Natalie used to travel 3 hours to get to and from work every day. As a teacher once she finished work and got home after a 90 minute journey, she would mark school work; cook for her family, get her children to bed, and betwixt all of that, she would iron, clean and bake! It was no wonder that there would be times when she questioned her purpose and role in life.
I asked Naturalie Poetic to recite her poem: Black Queen’s Battles The most powerful piece in the chessboard Is the Black Queen With a crown of Ether 9 And adorned with melanin You have fought many battles Overcome many things, But one of your most ferocious battles Is finding, and keeping your King.
Natalie realised that she needed to give some love back to herself – she felt overweight so she joined a gym, which meant home cooking and massaging hubby, had to go. Naturalie came to the realisation that it was time to focus on poetry and modelling (which she loved doing), so it was her partner who pulled the short straw Naturalie is not interested in a relationship for the time being, but says that she would like a
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There is an abundance of pawns, stallions, rooks
… and an assortment of knights, But to find a royal match, A Black Queen must fight.
to feel cherished and protected, but the trouble is that it’s hard to find a king or a man, who is strong enough to do that – someone who is self-assured and confident enough to let the woman be herself.
See, they have been told that the ideal queen Is soft haired and light Or better still, a queen who is white.
Naturalie is a strong woman, but she is still sensitive and at moments she feel vulnerable, but she is not sitting around waiting for him to arrive.
But what double standards, The shame and disgrace, When a black woman chooses To date out of her race.
Naturalie has a political side to her personality, as can be seen in this verse from her poem:
Statistics record that the black king is most sought, But the same survey would suggest That black beauty is a nought A history of racism has created this norm, So some lie on their skins, Sew in weaves, soften their characters And generally conform.
‘Stand Up and Be Counted’ .. One shouting alone, Like a thread can be broke But a thousand threads… She called this a rope.
To mediate images and ideas of the West, That say thinner and lighter, and quieter is best.
One shouting in mayhem, Disappears like a match’s smoke All pulling together Causes enough… to choke. Together we are powerful, Firm as a rock,
A black woman is wild, A black woman is loud, A black woman is angry, A black woman is proud, A black woman is strong, A black woman forgives And keeps going, Even if her man Is doing her wrong.
Invest in black business, Increase our stock.
Still suffering from the legacy of slavery’s curse, Black male promiscuity, Which forced the black Queen to live too independently.
Black Panther The first film to make a billion worldwide, We stand and shout Wakanda Crossing our chest with pride.
Now our King’s say “You’re too strong for me” But we still need love, support and security.
We channelled our money Into this fantasy, Well let’s do the same for our reality,
The black Queen has evolved She has stepped up her game We are seeking out Kings, Who are doing the same.
Invest in our siblings Nurture our land Fully support black-owned business, So the wealth can remain in our hands.
Why is it such a struggle to settle, or even to date? It is a sore subject, that brings great debate; But the black Queen is patient and willing to wait, To find her true match Checkmate! The key message in this poem, Naturalie says, is exploring the difficulties that black women have within relationships. With all our strength and abilities and everything that is going on, women still need love, we still want
The message in this latter poem is whether you are light as semolina or dark skin, we are all blessed with the same melanin. I learned that Naturalie is a very strong woman, who will be successful in all her endeavours with her attitude, passion and motivation.
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(Naturalie was interviewed by the Editor).
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