PAK’nSAVE BLENHEIM OPENS WITH STYLE WHO WORE IT BETTER? 83%
8%
FROCK OF THE WEEK
T REPEA ER D OFFEN
Yesterday’s grand opening was quite the ‘to-do’ for Fashionistas. That’s me in the photo in my fanciest fancy suit, looking quite swish, even if I do say so myself. Oh, and that’s the Mayor, Alistair
Sowman, in the background cutting the ribbon. But check out my attire, mum made it especially, style in every strand. Ah yes, the day was fab. I have to admit, I’m loving all the attention.
It has taken a year to build the supermaket, so everyone had a decent amount of time to plan his or her outfi t for the event. Not everyone was fully prepared however, celebrity
ALL CUT UP
STICKMAN with normal features and could really be anyone”. No current suspects as there are a lot of legs to this case. More information will be released once the man’s identity has been pieced together.
IN OTHER STICK RELATED NEWS:
P.4
ID SCAMMER
BUSTED
Paul refused to come on stage and accept his meaty meat pack prize. He was adamant he didn’t look or sound anything like me – that man has such a big ego. Lets be honest though, no one could ever come close to resembling me. I’m one of a kind.
It’s surprising the supplier wasn’t caught sooner. Most of those he gave IDs to looked nothing like the photos used. A 16-year-old girl got into a bar using the picture of a 65-year-old man! Fake IDs are bad kids, you’ll be able to go out dancing and get funky and all that stuff soon enough.
BEFORE
P.6
Old chap celebrates his win at the Blenheim Bowling Club by streaking across the lawn. He managed to take his clothes off while keeping hold of his stick and hobble away from the security guards at lightning speed. Such an act has earned him a place in this fine publication.
LOOK-ALIKE CONTEST
HOW TO KEEP THAT STICK FIGURE IN SHAPE
SHOPLIFTER WALL-OF-SHAME
STREAK
Teachers have come to the conclusion that Hangman is a game of pure evil. Parents need to draw the line with their children and encourage them to play other games like Pick Up Sticks, or Pictionary, or those other hip ones. Also, if you see a man who looks like the Hangman man, do not try to hang him. Don’t make me put on my angry face.
PAUL EGO WINS
STICK BABIES SWAPPED AT BIRTH – HOW THE HOSPITAL GOT IT WRONG
coffee-to-go, an awesome ‘aisle of value’ and much more. The supermarket will be offering the lowest food prices in Blenheim. But more importantly, I’ll be there doing my thing.
HANGMAN BANNED WINNING
EXCLUSIVE NEWS
Warning: don’t read on if you don’t like yuck stuff, or if you’re little (in age not height). A dismembered male has been found in a sandpit. Chief constable Stickman said the man is “average looking,
style journalists had a field day with Miss and Mrs Sticklady wearing the same outfit. Yikes, that’s embarrassing. The new PAK’nSAVE has nine nifty self-scan checkouts, fabulous free wifi,
CONJOINED TWINS TURN 13
SPORTS STAR LEG INJURY
AFTER
P.7
P.12
P.16