Contents Issue no.002
I
Where do you find your inspir
ration ?
What makes for a happy marriage? Ask 20 couples, and you’ll likely get 20 different answers. I’m certainly no expert on marriage. I have no degrees in marital counseling. I’ve never really studied marriages, unless you count the required pre-marital consultation I had prior to my marriage. There they talked about the three things that usually come between a couple: money, family (namely in-laws), and children. So if those are the three main things that tear a couple apart, what keeps a couple together?
The random text that says, “I love you.” Just like the three things that are common in tearing apart a marriage, I believe there are three important factors in building up a strong marriage - love, respect, and communication! It’s really that easy! Let’s start with love. Women need love! Period. End of discussion. It’s how women are wired. If you want to insure that you have a happy wife, make sure she knows she is loved. It’s the little things that show you truly love her. The unexpected shoulder massage. The random text that says, “I love you.”
My husband got a gift card to Starbucks from a client. We had just moved to a new place and while he was off working, I was going to be off taking the kids to get registered for their new school, immunizations, soccer signups, the usual. My wonderful husband gave me that gift card so I could enjoy a piece of sweetness amongst my hectic week. It didn’t cost him a dime, but he knew it would make my day. That’s love. It doesn’t cost anything but time and effort. There’s a very popular verse that is often used in wedding vows, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self- seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”1 Notice there is nothing in there that says, “Love buys expensive jewelry and gifts.” Now I’m not saying those things are wrong - I love jewelry and gifts. Just remember, love is more than the things money can buy! By now the men are wondering what’s in it for them. Respect! “A man has one driving need - to feel respected. When that need is met, he is happy.”2 Men are the providers and protectors. They are the hunters and gatherers. They don’t work because they have to- they work because they need to. They are wired to provide for and protect their families. As a wife, you must respect that desire in him!
As primary providers and protectors of the family, men need to feel like a true head of the household. That DOES NOT mean that women have no say or opinion. It simply means after the discussions and the debates, respect your husband’s decision. Remember, it’s his love for you and his desire to provide and protect that is leading him to make a decision in the first place. In the past 15 years we’ve moved A LOT! We are currently in our 7th home since saying, “I do.” I didn’t always agree with the decision to move, but I did respect my husband. It was his job and his promotion. He needed that to feel respect. And every time we adjusted and things worked out just fine. I can honestly say, he hasn’t been wrong yet.
“Love and respect are great! However, without communication you have nothing “ That being said, it doesn’t give men permission to use their wives as a doormat! Notice I said after the discussions and debates. Respect still has to be earned. But by showing your wife the love she desires and being that important provider and protector, you will earn that respect. Love and respect are great! However, without communication you have nothing. Again, men and women were made differently when it comes to communication. Have you ever noticed that girls like to go someplace where they can hang out and talk? Men are content to sit in the living room with a football game on and never say a word except to referee on the TV that obviously can hear them! Most women love to talk! As soon as my husband walks in the door, I’m chatting away. I want to know how his day was, what has he got going on tomorrow, what are we doing this weekend. I’ve learned that’s overwhelming to him. Men need time to decompress. Remember, he’s been working all day to protect and provide for you. Give him a moment to relax! Most men are that way. I’ve even noticed this trend in my 12 year old son.
I pick him up from school or soccer and I want to know everything. He wants to just sit. “Really, mom? I just finished practice and you hit me with 20 questions. Can’t I just enjoy the ride home in quiet?” Men have their “nothing box”. Women’s brains seem to never stop, but men can compartmentalize things. My husband loves to just be in the same room with me. He doesn’t want to chat. He doesn’t want anything from me but to just be in my presence. Once he told me that, it made so much sense! And, it shows how much he loves me that he simply wants to share space with me. I respect that!
“Love, respect and communication.” I admit, I am not good at letting the men in my life come home and do nothing for a bit. I’m a talker and I’m still working on it. But I understand that need, so when I get the “Really, mom?”, I don’t get upset. It’s my reality check that says back off a minute, let them go into their nothing box, and when they come out, talk their ear off! Love, respect and communication. It’s not the magic pill that will solve your marriage problems, but it certainly has helped mine in the past 15 years. If you’d like to learn more about love and respect, check out Dr. Eggerichs’ book by the same title. Once you realize that men and women are just made differently with different desires and needs, it makes this whole marriage thing much more manageable! Rebecca Williams Wife to John for 15 years Mother to Zackery (12) and Ethan (10) Photo by Stephany Christensen Photography
“Don’t ever lose sight of what’s most important. Your family should be your first priority.”
That doesn’t mean you have to give up on your passions.
“I think the thing I love most about my business, is not only do I get to daydream and create unique, beautiful
items. In a small way, I help to make their wedding day (or any day) a little bit extra special. “
Trinity & David Engaged December 10,2011 Wedding Date March 3,2013
Most important of all savor the wedding
g and all the moments leading up to it!