“merci” pronounced “messy”
what have you found in your research? don’t go / please follow luck and loneliness are very compatible it was purely a sensation act presenting the work unedited for no concrete reason controlled longing elaborated in paragraphs, scenes, stories, characters after the bliss, realization not a part of anything, no never be alone forever again unlike any feeling i could recall our neutral dna and some pheromonal thing rational thinking associated with pessimism conventional wisdom, basically, yes but don’t light a candle for me recommended focus on experience violating discussed qualities the word “real”
tv white noise outline indirectly satisfying sensations hashtag “research” some kind of influence one version fucking around unlikelihood failing to interest a publisher one of the many sequels to ‘hellraiser’ teaching english however we delineate it resisting rational chronicle ‘bad’ becomes ‘impossible’ kiss me on my spore prints glass jarred in different contexts a landscape out of print what ecstasy means no plans to meet in hydra no plans to meet in jerusalem no atkins diet no lip injections probably describing ‘consulting’ [laughter] something happening and repeating found incredibly irritating
the crystals i’ve been collecting paradise: a modest proposal within our own agenda the guilt of wanting to read lying in the park in the sun discussing themes of polygamy seeking solutions for viable work what are you looking so pensive for? 28th cigarette of the day the ready to wear collection or however you spell it shallow answers provided that impossible to discuss can you translate this? for fuck’s sakes revived greek ideas and the roman since the problem got worse traveling feels unprepared nonsense to our civilization efforts to be decent people
easy to read anecdotal version ordinary vicissitudes the words are categorical “she fucked me with her fingers” cinematic, if one can imagine almost full-time work lucid and focused addicts nonphysical activity before sleep legal mood-enhancers with disappointing results i’ll ask the question again that secret mosque with it’s secret qu’ran written in obvious blood can you imagine the amount of hormones on that particular work? opposed “too explosive” suggested working 9-5 looking at the concrete not at celebrities not at advertisements
frustrated with my 2011 macbook pro refurbished twice over and it’s charger’s specific surface working adjusting to death before veering off to become something else strenuously thinking about one’s “whole life” absorbing inaccurate information aware of the reality of tolerance worried about the situation although it would benefit me as an artist a concept we will name “recovery” a paradox, maybe a certain mental effort resolved with a sense of urgency interrupting my continuous experience resisting language “meaning?” a synonym for “bad” predatory behaviors repulsed, but silent, because, how, except, i mean “i’ll be there soon, i just have to do this thing.”
sit in stasis, waiting hyper focused note taking conceal these contents eating healthier sleeping better exercising more deviant intellectual working understanding the pleasures of home required belief the surface of this volume breaking the thread of return a disco nap and withdrawing personal support it seems more than fair the prayer position serious scent investigation for as long as you can restless energy becomes anxiety landing or arriving somewhere i cover my face ashamed at my neediness staring full concentration in reference to the unknown are you going to kill me? hold my hand
please, honey quiet voice going to make this public eventually sometimes blurry during sorry, so nosy beginning legibly and ending in scribbles a good ironic reversal my lower back hurts again will turmeric be helpful detail observed later in photographs praising the fieldwork yet preferred to “stay home” or close to home, rather always feeling some sort of sick lazy, distracted change my diet from “pizza” and “not eating” breathing through my nose sustaining that tension journalistic attention to detail continued recording part of the plan desirable and stinging
happy and alert yet somehow still thirsty stereotypical “never happens� back in seratonin overdraft it’s become too project like liquidation prices listening to plants schedule iv drugs macbook air craigslist ad how to organize the kitchen did i lose my passport it must be in a drawer somewhere jacket pocket probably come pick up paintings saturday sunday monday mkultra institutionalized design a safe house 5-meo-dat suicide headaches engaging in sensible conversation public account of abuse in the past against abuses in the future suspicious opinion structure which the blade is idealized the pagans which pray to females sacrosanct suppress and
nearly forgotten slow intoxication warmth walking fourteen miles studying the gods until i feel productive a reasonably functioning member of society stubborn as all fuck when it comes to this always there on the tip of my tongue the paperwork vanishes the sexwork stays fractal geometry inherited programming twenty-five twenty-six twenty-seven eager to discuss experience or is it the limitations i’m after busy isolation cosmopolitan status seeking the beauty of nature weaning off civilization tired of this timeless epic anxiety, despair, tedium referenced as “staggering”
unconscious reasoning talking quietly so far away i forgot it exists beyond immediate short term career goals a brick-by-brick linear extrapolation gathering noise keys open doors is this urgent, something that needs an immediate response? that bicycle that needs fixing and how much i hate jazz mixing kombucha and beer means “not drinking” the future a myopic passage of time process what is to come beyond the persecutory “zahir” meaning “visible” long weekend bank holiday moon in cancer the language of love and betrayal nobody can stay in the garden of eden at least not without an ulterior motive two adulteries and a suicide a matador’s veronica
leonine resembling a lion leonard reading lorca alfa romeo affluent parent peach grapefruit green tea whatever you want is what i want too what a seducer merging seamlessly fennel fresh tongue “oh, how she must have missed me� lol a smile of award winning indifferent apology thinking summer swimming future perfect tense making the pleasure last democratic definition of happiness isolated moments of intimacy faintly existing in the present anticipation and desire and vivid awareness
am i referencing witchcraft? every day ritual logic traditional formats of study ambivalent discourse of how our concept of the future changes repeated observation of life again and again first person plural possessive adjective “we,” “our” an audience encountered separate from original destiny tension “meaning,” “freedom” everyday ordinary such is the modern novel today, we may call that “unstable” at this point, it is common for opinions to diverge as though the protest exists solely on the internet abolishment of distance non-place notion triumphant body liquid personality unending chorus libra rising inclusive measures encyclopedia
“work” a considerable amount of attention remember how we felt it necessary not sneezing heroic dose romancing the apocalypse keep working through chrysanthemum kisses the definition of “too much” that is my interest it might not make sense but in a way it’s all connected after all, i am not looking for an algorithm expressing love with no distraction past dehydration point sex stable and in control however, i associate this compound with a sense of an ending spreading dna on you nightly forgetting that i exist a new evolutionary direction i walk away smiling
and everything turned out fine.
“merci” pronounced “messy” dimitri karakostas surveillance books 2018 \(x_x)/
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