Why Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? by Blue Beetle Books

Facilitator Manual

Why Aren’t

Other People

Just Like Me? An Introduction Mike Wicks

w o r k s h o p s your passion

•

our program

w o r k s h o p s your passion

•

our program

w o r k s h o p s your passion

•

our program

w o r k s h o p s your passion

our program

w o r k s h o p s your passion

•

our program

w o r k s h o p s your passion

•

our program

Why Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Other People Just Like Me? An Encore Workshop developed by Mike Wicks

To order an Encore Workshop please visit our website www.encoreworkshops.com Encore Workshops is an imprint of Small Business Success (a division of Blue Beetle Books Inc.) Blue Beetle Books Inc. www.bluebeetlebooks.com www.smallbusinesssuccess.ca Tel: 778.265.3070 Email: janie@bluebeetlebooks.com

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Table of Contents 5

Introduction

Module 1 - Identifying Behavioural Traits

Module 2 - Examining Personal Styles

Module 3 - Spotting Other Peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Styles

Module 4 - A Closer Look at the Styles

Module 5 - Identifying Traits

Module 6 - The Jobs People Do

Module 7 - Communicating Effectively

Module 8 - Becoming a Style Chameleon

100

Module 9 - The Final Test

108

Appendix

INTRODUCTION

Thank-you for purchasing this Encore Workshop. We take a lot of care to ensure that our workshops are professionally produced. If there is anything we can do to assist you in delivering this workshop successfully please do not hesitate to email us at help@encoreworkshops.com. Why Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Other People Just Like Me? is one of our more complex workshops. We strongly encourage you to read this manual thoroughly while at the same time going through the PowerPoint deck that accompanies it. You will find the PowerPoint deck on the CD that came in your Encore Workshop box. Take a few minutes to check out the additional material and handouts that you will find on the CD. The key to a successful delivery of this workshop is to lead participants on a step-by-step journey through the workshop and not be tempted to try any short-cuts. This workshop has been delivered several hundred times and is less intimidating than it at first appears. Use this manual to guide you through the process until you have delivered it enough times to be comfortable introducing your own interpretations. Depending on the number of exercises you decide to use, this workshop can be delivered in a half or a full-day session.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

INTRODUCTION

Workshop Overview Why is it that we get on well with some people the minute we meet them, yet others remain a mystery to us? What is it with them? Why do they act so strangely? This course will help your staff understand colleagues, customers and potential customers that behave differently than them. Unlike similar programs or ‘systems’ this program concentrates on the behaviour people are exhibiting at the time you are dealing with them. Sure, we all have a predominant style, but our behaviour changes depending on the circumstances we are in. The most overbearing crusty corporate head, who rules his empire with a rod of iron can be found at home playing on his hands and knees with his grandson, and pretending he is a horse! So, this program doesn’t put people in a box and keep them there. It shows that while we have a primary style and a back-up style, we tend to move in and out of styles depending on where we are, what we are doing and the type of day we are having. Knowing our primary style in our business life, and knowing the three other styles, and how they relate to our style, will help us interact with colleagues and management. For those in a sales or customer service role, it will help them make more sales and keep customers happier. The behavioural style names used in this program are Analytical, Driver, Expressive and Amiable. Of all the names used in other programs, and there are many, these are the original ones used by David Merrill and Roger Reid in the book that started this type of analysis; Personal Styles and Effective Performance. You can let participants know that this will change the way they look at people forever. They will start to see their friends, loved ones and colleagues in a different way—they will start to understand them on a whole new level. Things they did that they thought weird will now be explained as they start to see the world through their eyes. Two important things you should emphasize to your group. First, tell them that people are very rarely all one style, they are © 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

INTRODUCTION

parts of all styles and they move in and out of styles. So, when looking at the traits of a particular style tell them that they shouldn’t expect that all the traits have to fit them or the person they are dealing with. Second, we are dealing with behaviour only; emphasize to your group that they do not need to be psychoanalysts, they should just try to relate to the style they see. And above all, they should have fun!

Encore Tips A key thing to note is that this workshop deals with behaviour only. It is virtually impossible to get to know someone’s innate personality when we first meet them. What we can relate to is the behaviour we are faced with when we are dealing with them. Encore Workshops has another workshop that deals with the same subject matter as ‘Why Aren’t Other People Just Like Me?’ called ‘I’m a Circle, You're a Square’, which focuses on effective workplace communication. It is a shorter and less comprehensive workshop that may suit participants at a different level within a company. Details can be found at: encoreworkshops.com

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

INTRODUCTION

What Are Participants Going To Learn? Participants will:  be able to identify their own primary and secondary behavioral styles  see themselves through other people's eyes  be able to recognize the 4 primary and 16 back-up styles people exhibit  learn dozens of giveaway style clues  learn to shift styles to relate to people more effectively  turn difficult people into fans  learn the magic bullets that make people of different styles like them and relate to them better  discover how to excite each style  learn how to be comfortable in any situation  understand their managers and co-workers better  if they are managers, learn how to manage their team more effectively.

Encore Tip What 5 things do you want participants to learn? (specific to their role in your company)

______________________________________________

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

INTRODUCTION

How Will They Benefit? They will find themselves:  understanding co-workers, superiors, friends and family a whole lot better—suddenly their behaviour will make sense!  realizing the right thing to say, at the right time, to the right person  understanding what information is required by each behavioural style and how they need it delivered  building better, longer relationships  becoming less frustrated with people  diffusing difficult situations  feeling more confident  making better presentations  relaxing in all business situations.

Encore Tip What benefits do you as the facilitator want to see from the workshop? (specific to your company)

______________________________________________

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

INTRODUCTION

What Are Participant’s Expectations?

The participant manual asks participants to list their expectations for the workshop. If you do not want to provide participants with this opportunity mention it when you hand out the manuals. If you allow participants to create their list, it is a good idea to transcribe all the expectations to a flip chart or white board, so that you can ensure that during the day you deal with each of them.

Participant Challenges The participant manual asks participants to list any challenges they face. This allows them to identify questions that will assist them during the workshop. Please allow them a few minutes to jot down what challenges they feel they may face relating to the subject of the workshop.

Encore Tips Expectations A sure-fire way to ensure your presentation is successful is to allow people to list their expectations and make sure you deal with each one before the end of the session. If there any expectations that can’t be met by the program, or are outside of your remit, then this should be discussed at this stage and deferred to another session, or refer the participant to another source. Challenges Encourage participants to spend a minute or two considering what challenges they face in relation to the subject of the workshop. This will result in some excellent questions relating to the day to day issues they face.

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Module One

Identifying Behavioural Traits Before commencing to facilitate module 1, it is recommended that you familiarize yourself thoroughly with this manual. Remember to take participants carefully step-by-step through the process to ensure they fully understand it. This is a good time to tell participants that there are no good or bad styles. The world would not function without a diversity of styles. In environments where one style dominates it can lead to a dysfunctional situation. More about this later. In module one, participants will learn how to identify the two main behavioural traits people exhibit. These are:  Control of others (The degree of effort one makes to influence the thoughts and actions of others)  Control of self (The degree of effort one makes to be unemotional and self-controlled in relationships with others)

Two Dimensions • Control of Others - The degree of effort one makes to influence the thoughts and actions of others

•Control of Self - The Degree of effort one makes to be unemotional and selfcontrolled in relationships with others

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

You should now ask participants to consider, on a scale of 1-10, what level of control over others and themselves they have. Emphasize to them that this is not definitive and that there is no right or wrong answer; it is purely a guideline at this point.

Encore Examples An example of high control of others would be a person that cannot resist trying to convert someone to what they believe. For example, Peter was leaving a grocery store with his wife and spotted a woman with a petition in the car park. He could not resist trying to go up to speak to her to explain why her views were wrong. His wife, who has a low control of others, held on to him, telling him he shouldn’t bother the woman and that she had every right to protest and put forward her opinion even if he thought it was wrong. An example of low control of self is when Mike pulls up at a ticket booth at a ferry terminal, or at a drive-through Starbucks. He cannot resist smiling and asking the person how they are and then telling them about his day and talking about the weather, or complimenting them on what they are wearing. Behind him the next person in line (a person with a high control of self) reaches the booth hands over payment and says almost nothing. This person would see no point in having a conversation. The key thing to remember at this point is that later you will be working with diagrams and charts that show ‘control of others’ as being on a horizontal axis and ‘control of self’ as being on a vertical axis.

Control of Others Ask participants to think about whether they exhibit a high or low control over others. For instance, do they often try to convince people to do what they want them to do? Do they tell people what they think, or do they ask them what they think? On a scale of 1– 10 how controlling do they think they are? The more they tell people what they should do, and the more they try to convince them that their way is the right way, the higher the number they should circle. © 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

The more they take other people’s opinions into consideration, or let other people make decisions, then the lower the number they should circle. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Control of Self Are they the chatty type? The type of person who can strike up a conversation with anyone in the street. Do they sometimes tell people things that it might have been best to keep themselves? Or, are they the sort of person who likes to keep to themselves? Do they prefer to tell people just what they need to know about them? On a scale of 1– 10 how much control do they think they have over their actions? The more they tell people about themselves or about what they are doing; the more open they are with people, the lower the number they should circle. The more private and guarded they are the higher the number they should circle. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Encore Tips Some people have difficulty with this exercise and will tell you that “it all depends on the situation they are in”. This is a valid point. In this case ask them to think about how they act in a work or business situation. In the case of a salesperson, it would be in sales situation. You will discover that Drivers and Expressives will have no problem at with this exercise. Analyticals will spend time analysing it, finding fault with the logic and being indecisive over what boxes to tick. Amiables dislike being one thing or the other and will try to even things out so that are in the middle. They may be able to get away with a five on this test but the next one will force them to make some decisions.

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

A Guide to the Basics Let us now explore the basics of the styles. To help you further with this, and to allow you greater freedom to handle this section in your own way, we have included what we call the “Trait Guide” at the back of this manual. This will allow you to talk about the four styles from a number of different perspectives. The CD that accompanies this program has a copy of the Trait Guide on it which you can print and give to participants if you wish. We suggest that this is done at the end of the workshop as they may use it to find answers to many of the mini-workshops that are a part of the learning process of this program. The diagram below will be used later as a plotting guide for participants. Before moving to the next stage you should provide participants with a broad-strokes outline of the system. Point out that each primary style breaks down into four sub -styles, as shown below.  AN/AN  AN/DR  AN/EX  AN/AM  DR/DR  DR/EX  DR/AM  DR/AN  EX/EX  EX/AM  EX/AN  EX/DR  AM/AM  AM/AN  AM/DR  AM/EX © 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

There are four primary styles as you can see on the diagram opposite and the photos below. Refer to module four to familiarize yourself with the basic characteristics of each style before moving on. The key point to make to participants are the similarities between the top two styles, the bottom two, the two on the left and the two on the right.  (Top Two) Analyticals and Drivers are both low responsive, that is they are less likely to smile, nod and wave their hands around when they talk. When dealing with them in a business situation they are likely to give little response. They are less interested in personal issues in their professional lives.  (Bottom Two) Amiables and Expressives are both high responsive and will smile, nod their head, agree with you often and generally provide you with feedback; both through body language and verbally. Building relationships is important to them.  (Left Side) Analyticals and Amiables are slower to make decisions, quieter, and ask questions  (Right Side) Drivers and Expressives make quicker decisions, talk louder, and make statements.  (Diagonally Opposites) Analyticals often think that Expressives are flaky, and Expressives think Analyticals are Anal. Drivers think Amiables are flaky and Amiables think Drivers are only out for themselves. Analytical

Driver

Amiable

Expressive

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

Encore Tips When you come to leading your group through the next activity it will be interesting to note that certain people will identify their level of control very quickly while others will agonize over it. Drivers and Expressives will finish quickly. Analyticals and Amiables will take longer. Amiables will want to be dead centre (which they cannot be of course!). This provides you with an opportunity to start making a mental note of which styles your participants are. A word of warning —later in the day they will almost certainly challenge you to tell them what style you think they are. Again, make note of the fact that the Control of Others scale is horizontal and the Control of Self scale is vertical. Remembering this will assist you and participants when plotting styles later.

Workshop Instructions The next few pages represent a key activity for your participants. Its aim is to lead them through the process of identification so that they fully understand it. They will also see what behavioural style they exhibit at work (remind them to focus on their behaviour in their professional lives). Please follow the instructions below to ensure they proceed correctly. Read through the points on the left of the “Style Guide—Control of Others” slide in your PowerPoint deck (or in this manual) and tell participants that if the left-hand side pretty much describes them then they are a ‘1’ and they should circle the figure ‘1’ at the top of the page. Repeat this for the right-hand side of the page which describes people with a high control of others. In this case, if the right-hand description is an accurate portrayal of their style they should circle number ‘4’.

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

Most people will be somewhere in between. Some will want to be dead centre (this again tells you a lot about these people). Everybody has to be a 1,2,3, or 4—no exceptions. In this case 2 is not half of four as it is closer to one. Talk about rewriting math! So, to break the deadlock faced by some of your participants, get them to check the phrase boxes beneath the explanation in their workbook. They should either check the word or phrase on the left or the right—not both. They should then add up the check marks and if they have more on the left side they circle ‘2’. If they have more on the right they circle ‘3’. At your discretion, if they only tick one box on one particular side you can suggest they choose to be a ‘1’ or a ‘4’ . Repeat this for the page/slide on Control of Self.

Encore Tip When a participant has only one tick on the left or right, we suggest you review what they have ticked and see whether a) they are being honest with themselves; b) is it a mistake? c) if it is correct how important a point is it? Once you have done this make a judgement call as to whether it is important enough to warrant them being a ‘1’ or a ‘4’, or whether they should circle ‘2’ or ‘3’. Don’t worry too much over this point as activities later in the workshop will clear up any confusion.

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

Style Guide: Control of Others 1

Low Control of Others (1(1-2) People with a low control of others are usually quieter and do not try to push their ideas or opinions on people. They are easy going, friendly, but often don’ don’t speak unless they have a specific reason to do so. These people are very supportive of other people’ people’s ideas and opinions. They care about their staff, friend and families.

High Control of Others (3(3-4) People with a high control of others appear very confident and can sometimes come across as too assertive. They have strong opinions and will challenge the beliefs of others and try to convince them to believe what they believe. They can be brutally honest and often communicate in situations where it is not desirable to do so. They are highly ambitious and in social situations they will initiate contact. They want to be in the know

Words and phrases that tend to describe someone with a low control of self.

Words and phrases that tend to describe someone with a high control of self.

□ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

Quiet Moderate opinions Thoughtful decisions Go along attitude Likeable first impression Supportive Avoid use of power Lets others take social initiative Asks questions

□ □ □ □ □ □ □ □ □

Talkative Strong opinions Quick decisions Take charge attitude Overwhelming first impression Directive Tend to use their power Take social initiative Make statements

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

ÂŠ 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

The Plotting Guide Each participant should now have two numbers circled. They now need to transpose these number on to their Plotting Guide. Use the relevant PPT slide (see opposite) to demonstrate what participants need to do. The slide example assumes that a person has circled a ‘4’ for their ‘control of others’ and a ‘2’ for their control of self.

Now Plot Your Style! Control of Self

EX/DR

Click the slide and it will draw a vertical line through number This person exhibits: ‘4’ on the horizontal High Control over Others on the graph of 4 Low Control over Others on the graph of 2 control of others line Making them an EXPRESSIVE - DRIVER and a horizontal line through number ‘2’ on the vertical ‘control of self’ line.

C o n t r o l o f O t h e r s

Another click will then bring up the annotation EX/DR in a circle where the two lines cross to denote that the person's primary style is Expressive and their backup style is Driver. Now, ask participants to look at what number they circled for their control of others and circle the same number on the plotting guide in their workbook. This means they will circle the number on the horizontal line in the box. They should now repeat the process using the number they circled for their control of self. At this point, explain that although we have a primary and secondary style, we do move in and out of all four styles. © 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Aren’t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

Encore Tip Ask participants not to share their results with their fellow participants as this will reduce the effectiveness of a forthcoming exercise. It is worth mentioning at this point that it is very rare that people have a primary and backup style that is the same. For instance Driver/ Driver. For example: AN/AN—This would be someone perhaps who spends their whole life trying to discover the next prime number and has few, if any, other interests. DR/DR—This would be a person that wants to conquer the world. Total domination of their environment would be of paramount importance to them no matter what the cost. EX/EX—This person would have little control over their own actions, but would dominate situations by demanding constant attention. AM/AM—An amiable, amiable would be reclusive and shy. A hermit perhaps. The diagonally opposite styles are less common but there are some notable ones such as Mother Theresa who was almost certainly a Driver/Amiable. Stephen Hawkins (the quantum physicist) is probably an Analytical/Expressive. Ask your group to come up with some more and see how much they have learned so far!

© 2012 All rights reserved. N o part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

W hy Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

A. Control of Self The degree of effort one makes to be unemotional and self-controlled in relationships with others

AM O W

Amiable AM

Driver EX

H I G H

B. Control of Others The degree of effort one makes to influence the thoughts and actions of others

Expressive

LOW

Low Assertive High

Respo nsive

Analytical

High Assertive

Responsive

Low

Tells

Emotional

Asks

HIGH

Unemotiona l

Your Plotting Guide

W hy Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Other People Just Like Me? - Facilitator Manual

Module One

The 4 Primary and 16 back-up styles Analytical/Analytical Analytical/Driver Analytical/Expressive Analytical/Amiable

Driver/Driver Driver/Expressive Driver/Amiable Driver/Analytical

Expressive/Expressive Expressive/Amiable Expressive/Analytical Expressive/Driver

Amiable/Amiable Amiable/Analytical Amiable/Driver Amiable/Expressive

Module Two

Examining Personal Behavioural Styles The quiz featured on the following pages is just as it appears in the participant manual. We suggest you take the quiz yourself prior to delivering this workshop to familiarize yourself with it. Before letting participants start the quiz remind them to focus on their behaviour during their business, or work life, or if you are not providing this workshop as part of a business training session, you can choose a particular part of their life that is relevant. The answers are provided in the facilitatorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s manual only, therefore either read them to your group, or let them follow the PPT slide in the deck provided, and let them score themselves. Instruct them to circle the style that relates to the answer they gave. For example, in question #1 if they answered (a) â&#x20AC;&#x153;Photos of my family and items that inspire meâ&#x20AC;? they would circle AM. They do not need to circle anything else for question number one. Once they have done this for all the questions they should add up how many of each style they have circled and enter the number in the table provided. The style and number chart is read by looking at the highest and second highest number. This will give them their primary and back up styles. If they have numbers in the other 2 boxes these show the levels of the remaining traits. This can be used in conjunction with the plotting guide used earlier in the workshop to help them assess their behavioural style.

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