I’m A Circle, You’re A Square

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Facilitator Manual

I’m a Circle You’re a Square Effective Workplace Communication Ingrid Vaughan

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I’m a Circle – You’re a Square Effective Workplace Communication An Encore Workshop developed by Ingrid Vaughan

© 2012 I’m a Circle – You’re a Square: Effective Workplace Communication Facilitator Manual Author: Ingrid Vaughan

To order an Encore Workshop please visit our website www.encoreworkshops.com

Encore Workshops is an imprint of Small Business Success (a division of Blue Beetle Books Inc.)

Blue Beetle Books Inc. www.bluebeetlebooks.com www.smallbusinesssuccess.ca

Tel: 778.265.3070 Email: janie@bluebeetlebooks.com

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Encore Workshops If you would like to find out more about Encore Workshops please visit our website www.encoreworkshops.com.

table of contents 7

Introduction

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Looking Back

21 Looking In 37 Looking Out 49 Dealing with Difficult People 59 Communicating Through Conflict

INTRODUCTION

Ever wondered why one of your team is happier with her door closed, and never seems to want to engage in conversation? Does the employee who dominates every staff meeting drive you crazy? Ever thought about why some people always need time to “think things over?�

Effective Workplace Communication teaches participants basic personality and work styles that will enable them to finally understand the people they work with. Just understanding is not enough however; this workshop takes participants one step further and gives them the tools they need to help them communicate more effectively with you and the rest of their colleagues. This will create greater harmony, understanding, and collaboration in your workplace. Efficiency and output will then improve, along with your bottom -line.

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I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

What are participants going to learn?  How they have communicated in the past  Their usual communication models  Their communication patterns  Different communication styles  Four primary behavioural styles and how they relate to them  How to communicate more effectively  How to flex their styles to get on better with other people  How to handle negativity  How to deal with difficult people  How to use tact and skill in difficult situations  Understanding when it is time to let go  Communicating through conflict  How to develop assertive communication skills  Strategies for moving through conflict effectively  How to diffuse anger  How to find common ground  Keys to successful conflict resolution

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

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Workshop Outcomes What 5 things do you want participants to learn? (specific to their role in your company)

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What benefits do you want to see from the workshop? (specific to your company)

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© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Š 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Module One

Looking Back Module one invites your participants to take a look back at their communication history—the lessons they learned about communication from their family when growing up.

It then goes on to look at the various communication styles and primary and secondary communication models. From here participants will look at how the past has modelled their current communication style. During this module they will make some very personal discoveries about themselves.

They will then have the opportunity of defining and learning more about their own communication style.

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Examining Your Communication History Question and answer session We all learn things about communication, in part, by how we experienced communication in our homes growing up. We heard words, saw patterns and drew conclusions based on what we heard and saw.

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Ask your participants the following questions in regards to their communication experiences in their family systems. PowerPoint slide #2.

2.

Listed below are some potential answers, but use the examples your group gives you to determine the lessons learned.

What words did you hear?  you’re no good  you can do anything!  that was OK, but . . .  I’m proud of you  you can’t do anything right  you’re stupid  you’re amazing

What patterns did you see?  silent treatment  anger = physical violence  emotional manipulation  positive reinforcement  mutual respect  belief in each other  hiding from conflict © 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

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What lessons did you learn?  don’t air your dirty laundry  don’t ask for help - you’re imposing  it’s OK (not OK) to express your anger  nice girls don’t get mad, they get even  holding someone hostage with your silence is a good way to get what you want  honesty is always the best policy  think before you speak  if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Your Communication History • What words did you hear?

• What patterns did you see?

• What lessons did you learn?

The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.

Peter F. Drucker

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

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I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

Looking at Your Models Communication Styles Presentation 1.

Talk about what each of these communication styles looks like. Use PowerPoint slide #3.

2.

Ask the group to think of people they know who exemplify those styles.

Communication Styles • • • •

Passive Aggressive Passive/Aggressive Assertive.

Passive I’ll do it your way - I lose you win Aggressive You’ll do it my way - I win you lose Passive/Aggressive I’ll say I’m doing it your way but I’ll do what I want - I win Assertive Let’s do it in a way where we both get something we want - we both win

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

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Primary Communication Models Discussion 1.

Ask participants to think about how their parents and siblings viewed the outside world and modeled communication within the home. (e.g. Mom looked like the perfect happy housewife to the outside world, but at home she was depressed and unresponsive; Dad had a gruff exterior and some people thought he was mean, but he had a heart of gold and was very generous). Use PowerPoint slide #4

Secondary Communication Models Discussion 1.

Ask participants to think about additional communication models they have had and what things they learned from them.

Siblings

Teachers

Extended Family

Peers

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

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I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

Evaluating Your Communication Patterns Provide answers and review 1.

Based on your participants’ answers on the previous pages, ask them to describe how those things shaped their communication patterns in adulthood.

Use PowerPoint slide #6.

2.

Overleaf are some examples of potential answers based on the previous pages. An awareness of how their past has shaped their communication patterns is an important part of learning how to change unhealthy patterns in the future. These may be very personal discoveries.

3.

If your group is willing, ask them to share some of those discoveries.

Factors That Contribute to Your Communication Pattern

Evaluating Patterns • What factors contributed to your current communication pattern?

– Your reaction to what you were modeled – Your personality – Your level of self-esteem.

They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.

Carl W. Buechner

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

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Your Reaction to What You Were Modelled I learned that it was safer not to say what was on my mind rather than express myself; this has led me to be guarded with others and I find it difficult to be open.

OR I got so much encouragement and affirmation that I grew up feeling like I could do anything I put my mind to.

Your Personality I am very shy and fearful to try new things; I like routine and don’t like surprises.

OR I am very impulsive and love to check out anything that is new; I hate rules and regulations and feel like a free spirit.

Your Level of Self-Esteem I struggle with feeling confident - especially when trying new things.

I often assume I can’t do something before thinking I can.

OR I have a fairly healthy sense of self-esteem. I know what I can do, and am clear about my weaknesses; I usually compensate for those weaknesses by surrounding myself with others who are competent in those areas.

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

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I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

Understanding Your Communication Style Defining Your Style Individual exercise 1.

Ask participants to plot themselves on the following lines to get a clearer picture of their communication style.

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You’ll find examples of each extreme below (the examples are not shown in the participant’s workbook).

Refer to definitions on page 14

I am energized by spending time with people.

I easily say what’s on my mind and people know what I’m thinking.

I would way rather spend time with people than doing tasks.

I am pretty self-assured, can rebound quickly from setbacks and have a healthy sense of what I can and can’t do.

Passive/Aggressive

I am energized by spending time alone.

I find it difficult to speak my mind and prefer to use hints to let others know what I’m thinking.

I would way rather focus on doing tasks than spend time with people.

I often doubt myself and find it difficult to rebound from setbacks. I am very hard on myself and look to others to reassure me that I’m doing OK.

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Notes _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________ _________________________________________________________

Š 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Module Two

Looking In The journey of self-discovery continues for participants in module two as they take a quiz to help them look at their strengths and weaknesses. During this process they will learn more about their particular behavioural style.

For the purposes of this workshop the behavioural style names used are: the square, the triangle, the squiggle and the circle.

You will present to participants the attributes, primary needs, strengths and weaknesses of each style, so that they gain an understanding of each of the styles they will come across in their day-to-day business life.

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Who Am I . . . And Why Do I Do the Things I Do? Strengths Individual Exercise Encourage participants to go with a gut reaction rather than thinking too long. The assessment will be more accurate if they do.

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Ask participants to complete the following page.

2.

They should choose the attribute in each row that best describes them.

3.

They should check off only 1 box in each ROW across.

4.

Then, they need to add the total of each column.

You can make more friends in two months by becoming really interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

Dale Carnegie

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

A

B

C

D

 Animated

 Adventurous

 Analytical

 Peaceful

 Playful

 Persuasive

 Respectful

 Loyal

 Sociable

 Strong-willed

 Orderly

 Good listener

 Spontaneous

 Competitive

 Scheduled

 Tolerant

 Funny

 Resourceful

 Detailed

 Diplomatic

 Demonstrative

 Outspoken

 Deep

 Consistent

 Inspiring

 Confident

 Thoughtful

 Contented

 Fun

 Frank and direct

 Precise

 Balanced

 Talkative

 Independent

 Organized

 Adaptable

 Innovative

 Decisive

 Balanced

 Controlled

 Bouncy

 Leader

 Perfectionist

 Nurturing

 Popular

 Tenacious

 Chart-maker

 Patient

 Spirited

 Bold

 Persistent

 Friendly

 Cheerful

 Productive

 Reserved

 Inoffensive

 Entertainer

 Positive

 Planner

 Mediator

 Convincing

 Action-oriented

 Sensitive

 Peace-loving

 Optimistic

 Self reliant

 Accurate

 Controlled

 Creative

 Risk-taker

 Researcher

 Likeable

 Enthusiastic

 Sure

 Logical

 Team player

 Motivating

 Forward-thinker

 Frugal

 Agreeable

Total

Total

Total

Total

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I’m a Circle—You’re a Square—Facilitator Manual

Who Am I . . . And Why Do I Do the Things I Do? Weaknesses Individual Exercise Encourage participants to go with a gut reaction rather than thinking too long. The assessment will be more accurate if they do.

1.

Ask participants to complete the following page.

2.

They should choose the attribute in each row that best describes them.

3.

They should check off only 1 box in each ROW across.

4.

Then, they need to add the total of each column.

5.

When finished both the strengths and weaknesses assessments, participants need to add the total score in all 4 columns from both tests for a grand total. The column with the highest score is their primary personal style; the column with the second highest score is their secondary style.

Don’t forget to get participants to total scores for both sheets to arrive at a grand total.

GRAND TOTAL Column A_____ Column B_____ Column C_____ Column D_____

© 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted in any form or by any means electronic , mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, or stored in a retrieval system without the prior written consent of Encore Workshops.

Encore Workshops - an imprint of Small Business Success (a wholly owned subsidiary of Blue Beetle Books Inc.)

If you would like to review the full manual, or discuss your current training needs please call our customer service manager Janie Dunning at 778.265.3070 or email janie@bluebeetlebooks.com.

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original For further details on purchasing an individual workshop for self-delivery please visit

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Small Business Success will also develop workshops to meet your specific needs.

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