The Spoof Issue

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A Wilfrid Laurier University Student Publication 75 University Avenue West Waterloo, On. N2L 3C5 519 884 0710 ext. 2738 519 883 0873 (fax) blueprint@wlusp.com Editor In Chief Mark Ciesluk Photoshop Emily Slofstra Copy Editor Erin Epp Distribution Manager Jacob Pries Contributors Brian, Mark Ciesluk, Erin Epp, Mike Hillcoat, Jocelyn Smith, Joshua Smyth WLUSP Administration President Greg Sacks VP Advertising Angela Foster VP Brantford Holly Gibson Chair, BOD Bryn Ossington Vice Chair, BOD Janice Lee Directors Brendan Mcgill, Luay Salmon, Chris Copp, Dennis Watson

Spoof!

When I first thought about putting together an issue of spoofs and parodies, I felt some concern – would the topic of satire resonate in an era of “randomness”? Would the readers of Blueprint magazine follow along as we jump from more standard fare into highly advanced avenues of comedic endeavour? Surely, at some point we must be running the risk of leaving good men and women behind in our rush to advance our art.

“You’re wrong,” I said to myself. “You should show your readers the courtesy and respect of releasing whatever depths of convoluted nonsense come to mind, in the hopes of stimulating unexpected enjoyment and pushing strange and irrelevant new boundaries. And don’t call me Shirley.”

To that end may I present, to you, from us, the following collection of bad jokes, stale gags, and inexplicable typographical errors and embarrasing visual gaffes (aka “daring stylistic decisions”) for your dining and dancing pleasure. As your Editor in Chief, I would like to thank you for picking up this copy of Blueprint magazine. I am quite certain that your visit with us will be an enjoyable one. There’s no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you’ll enjoy the rest of your reading experience. By the way, is there anyone out there who knows how to put together a magazine?

- Mark Ciesluk, Editor-in-Chief

“Photo” Credits Cover: Emily Slofstra Back: Emily Slofstra Alex Hundert

Please send letters to submissions@blueprintmagazine.ca

blueprint news

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6

COMMENTARY

EXPRESSION

7

Modest Proposal for preventing the children of poor people in Canada, from being a burden on their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the publick.

by Dr. Mark Ciesluk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8COMMENTARY ADMINISTRATION 12

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9

10

LETTERS

Dear Weird Al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

LETTERS

11

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