"Fathers and Sons" by Blue Ridge School

Fathers and Sons: A collection of Student Essays, Fables, Stories Opinions, Quotations, Pictures, and Faculty Insights

“First Swim” by Jonathan Green

Written/Compiled by Mr. Mousted’s 11th Grade English Classes at Blue Ridge School

What lies behind the door that leads each boy to the man he will become in the future? Do his experiences today prepare him for success? For struggle? Or for failure? How much is the influence of his father consequential to a young manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s preparation for the responsibilities of full-fledged manhood? The young men in my 11th grade English class at Blue Ridge School spent most of the Winter Term exploring this question by first writing their own reflections, then searching out and recording the thoughts of others within our community and in the larger world. Please join us to see what they discovered. Do their reflections reverberate with your own? Don Mousted

Contents

Fathers and Sons Creative Staff and Contributors Editor Assistant Editors Technical Advisors

Don Mousted Charles Gao Abdalla Beshir Hilde Keldermans Kristie Jamrozek

Student Writers (BRS) Mohannad Almofadhi, Nick Badgley, Abdalla Beshir, Harry Buchanan, Colby Burchfield, Charles Gao, Nick Hou, Nolan Jarrett, Noah Jessey, Jim Jiang, Taylor Kulla, Phillip Mitchell, Logan Parish, Mohamed Shokeir, Thomas Vaichekauskas, Cody Vascherault, Tom Wang, Haotian Wu, Simon Yang Student Writers (SKS)* Reggie Agbeko, Malcolm Andries, Young Hoon Choi, David Kellman, Hyun Ug Kim, Giovani Riello, Sean Shi, Andy Tang, Ji Hoon Wi Faculty/Adult Writers Peter Atkinson, Matt Bennett, Rory Bosek, Tony Brown, Vinton Bruton, William “Trip” Darrin III, Dan Dunsmore, John Hetzel, Jerry Jared, Steve Jessey**, Jerry King, David Macomber (SKS), Don Mousted, Andrew Vadnais (SKS), David Welty, John Young Photography Credits Reprints from “The Sun” Magazine: There are seven photos reprinted from this magazine. The photographers are Dan Biferie, Rachel Elliott, Bruce Horowitz, Gary Walls, and Louanne Watley. Two are not attributed. Many photos came from the Internet and were not credited at their sources and, so, were not attributable. Additional Photos Front Cover Art Painting, Pg. 34

Don Mousted J0nathan Green, First Swim, 1988. Oil on masonite, 23” x 23”. Jonathan Green, Man and Child, 1986. Oil on masonite, 19” x 12”.

*SKS refers to South Kent School, South Kent, CT. **Steve Jessey is a parent contributor.

Special thanks to Ms. Hilde Keldermans for her invaluable assistance throughout the process of brainstorming, designing, and completing this project. DJM

Fathers’ Teaching...

Transition #1

Absence

Transition #2

Support

Fathersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Teaching...

As kids grow older, parents gradually widen the space for them to make choices and lower the height of the boundaries. It gives them opportunities to try things and fail, then process that failure and try it again. That is how they learn. $ Jerry King

This story dates back to when I was just a young boy living in Fairfax City, just before my parents had moved to McLean. I was in a grouchy mood because that morning I had awakened very early. It made me even angrier when my dad told me I had to go to the CVS with him to go buy some medication for my sister, who was sick. Frowning, I followed him to the car and we drove over to the pharmacy. When we got there the first thing I did was ask my dad if he would buy me a pack of gum. I was young and had never eaten gum before, therefore I had a huge urge to have some. My dad responded with a stern “no” and we continued shopping. $ Once we had finished shopping, we walked up to the cashier and I asked my dad again if he would please buy me a piece of gum. After he refused again, I was furious. I walked up, took the gum I wanted, and put it in my pocket. I then left the store holding my dad’s hand with the stolen gum in my pocket. We drove back home and I immediately ran behind the sofa and started popping these pieces of gum in my mouth. I was overjoyed to finally know what gum tasted like. Everything changed when my dad came down the stairs. He saw me hiding behind the sofa and asked what I was doing... with a cheeky grin I continued chewing and promptly responded, “Nothing.” He asked where I had gotten the gum from, and upon figuring out how I had acquired it, his face turned purple. After scolding me, he took my gum and drove back to the store to return it and pay for it. My dad taught me that I cannot just take what I want without exchanging something for it…or in other words, to never steal and, instead, to honestly pay for anything I may desire, and I am thankful for that.

(The hardest thing is) making sure that the children do the right things while, at same time, letting them know we love them. ...Sometimes, I don’t know what to do. Vinton Bruton

You can never know what it is like to be a father until you become one. It truly changes your view on life because, almost instantly, when you are holding your newborn baby in your hands, you realize that this child will always rely on you...Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll try to make sure to be even more tender and loving than my parents. John Hetzel

One day, a father wanted to teach his son something. So, he asked his son to move a huge rock. It was such a big rock that his son couldn’t move it by any method he could think of. The father asked, ”Did you find any way to move the rock?” The son answered, “No.” His father then said, “Are you sure?” The son said that he was sure. The father smiled at his son and told him that he could always ask him for help. He wanted to tell his son that sometimes we are not all alone to face diﬃculties. We can ask for help. Fable (Anon.)

“This kind of hope becomes a big pressure and, as time goes by, it has become a snowball-grown bigger and bigger--and is now too heavy for me to carry!” The relationship of fathers and sons is not always warm and happy. Sometimes I find it really diﬃcult to communicate with my father. For me, father is always a great idol. When I was a little child, I’d prayed to god to let me do the same job my father did, let me drive the same car that my father drove, and let me graduate from the same school that my father graduated from. And my father wanted me to be a son who could make him proud of too. But, in fact, I’m not that good to make my father proud. He’s just too perfect for me to follow I can’t gain all the highest praises during my school life; I can’t win 7th place in the competition of physics knowledge that includes all the top students in three provinces. I can’t be a success at a time when most businessmen fail. I can’t pass the MBI test at the age of 45. I mean, these are things that I can never finish, and my great idol, my father did them! What’s worse is that he never feels hopeless about me. He thinks that I can be as successful as he is. This kind of hope becomes a big pressure and, as time goes by, it has become a snowball--growing bigger and bigger--and is now too heavy for me to carry! I know what I can do or not do, and I just can’t be that perfect. But, I just can’t say it. Every time I see my father’s face, excited and happy to see my progress and success, I just can’t tell him that I can’t: this is just not what I want to do. He’s the father, and I’m the son; it’s my responsibility to do what he wishes me to do. So I have no choice but keep working, to become a person I don’t want to be.

I knew my father had done the best he could, and I had no regrets about the way I’d turned out. Regrets about journey, maybe but not the destination. Nicholas Sparks, “The Notebook”

My father and I don’t talk very much, but we still have a great relationship. You could say my father made me into the man I am today, even though I might turn in essays three days late. My father used to always give me these life pep talks on living my life without anger, and I still keep those words in the back of my mind to this day. $ $ I will never forget the vivid memory of my dad teaching me to drive at age 10. He used to sneak me out of the house without my mom knowing after dinner every night. He would let me drive his car around the neighborhood while listening to his helpful tips. He used to tell me that a man’s personality is based on his driving. A calm driver is a calm man. This is one of many reasons my father is the man I respect the most. I don’t think I would be the same today if not for him.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished by how much he’d learned in seven years. Mark Twain My impression of my father has been changing since I was just a little boy. Our relationship is not resounding, but it is warm, and I will never forget it, and about the changes that have occurred throughout my growth. $ First, when I was a child, I thought my father was kind. My father never hit me, or shouted at me. He would take me to the store and buy toys that I liked. When I made a mistake, my father was even more patient than my mother. He would spend as long as an hour to teach me how to do it correctly. Also, he often took me to the park and, I still have the photos that we took there. $ Then, I went to school, I thought my father had changed. He became strict with me. My father was a perfect student when he was young, so he expected me to be as good a student as he was. He would check my homework every night; he would also sign his name on every one of my tests. Every weekend, he would also limit my game time and always told me to study. What resulted was that I was always the best student in my

class, but I thought my father was annoying and I hated him. $ Later, there was once a period of time during which I thought my father no longer loved me because I thought he treated other children better than he treated me. At that time, I was learning the Japanese game, GO, and one of my neighbors was learning together with me. My father and my neighbor’s father would take turns to send us to the Go school. When my father sent us, I thought that he treated my neighbor better because he always asked what he wanted, and sometimes he would buy something my neighbor wanted. During that period, I had a closer relationship with my mother. $ Then, I grew up and I started to understand my father. I started to have very good habits, and I could arrange my time perfectly. I started to realize that my father was strict with me because he wanted me to be on the right track. What totally changed my mind was that my uncle became a father two years ago. I watched how tiring and diﬃcult it was for him to prevent his son from doing horrible

things. When we were young children, we had to rely on my parents. $ Now, I have a very nice relationship with my father. He always sets a high level of achievement for me, and I will try my best to meet it. My father cares about me, but he never says it. His love is contained in what he is doing.

A father and a son are taking a walk. When they walk across the bridge, the son says, “The river is gorgeous; I want to swim in this river.” The father says, “Ok, we can do it together, but we cannot dress like this to swim. Let’s go home first.” $ They go home together. After the son finished dressing, his father leads him to bathroom, fills the bathtub with water, and then says, “You have to have the ability to hold your breath under the water. So, show me before we go to swim.” $ The son accepts with confidence, but after ten seconds, the son lifts his head out of the water and says, “Dad, that’s uncomfortable!” Dad says, “It will be more uncomfortable when we actually swim.” The son pauses for a second, then says, “Ok, dad, let’s stay home instead of going swimming.” $ From that day, the son knew that a man has to think before acting. Fable (Anon.)

‘When we work together, we are normally able to catch onto what the other is thinking, so we don’t have to stop to explain what is going on.”

My dad is a really cool person, in ways that you would not expect. I do have an older brother who goes sailing with him and does long-term trips with him that I don’t, but I do things with him that my brother does not. I comprehend more of how a boat would be constructed than my brother does. My brother is older than me, and he understands what he does better; I am the person who thinks, observes, and does almost the same things that my dad does, and my brother does not. Dad and I look so much alike right now that it makes people laugh. Some of the things that he did in life, I do not want to repeat. Instead, I decided that I wanted to go to a school that he never thought of going to or even heard of. $ Dad and I have this relationship of personality, looks, acting, sense of humor--small things that you don’t find every time in a father and son relationship. We even think a lot alike. When we work together, we are normally able to catch onto what the other is thinking, so we don’t have to stop to explain what is going on. If one gets a phone call, the other can continue on with the project and finish it. That is how we work. My dad is one of those people who does not stop working and gets up early in the morning to continue; I get up a little later, but then go work and do not stop until we are either really close to the goal, or we have been called to dinner. $ One of the big problems that we run into is anger and frustration. We both have a temper that leads to breaking stuﬀ, and it’s usually whatever is close by--normally not good. When I break things, they are usually fragile and end up spread across a large area. My dad does not threaten me at all or scare me with things when he is angry; instead he just starts to throw things and yells, and I know from the deepest part of my heart: he is mad about not just one thing, but several, and it all comes out at once.

“... push the limits, poke things that should not be poked, and love to take things to the next level, always seeing how far they can take something before someone gets upset.”

This is a story about a father and son doing something that they like together and not getting caught. These two guys are not like any other father and son; instead they are just like the past generation. Talkative, they love to have fun, push the limits, poke things that should not be poked, and love to take things to the next level: always seeing how far they can take something before someone gets upset. $ This father and son decided to take 500+ paintballs and drop them out of a plane, which is highly illegal, but what are they going to do? What has been are ready done?? The guys get in the plane, fly around, and choose a target: their

neighbors!!! in which the wife is pregnant and sitting on the beach, while the husband is repairing the roof of the house, while a family party is going on... $ We fly high and in the sun so they can’t see the plane, and we dive on the other side of the tree line, across the river so they can’t see us coming in their direction. The brother of the wife is standing on the beach talking, sees the plane come over the tree line, grabs his kids and starts to run up the lawn back to the house, collecting the grandmother and other family members along the way, but forgetting the wife--the wife who is stuck on the beach because she is far too

pregnant to move, and she can barely waddle up the lawn. We fly over and start dropping paint balls, watching them hit the lawn... $ The husband, by this time, had climbed oﬀ the roof to check on his wife, right before the bombing. But he is also running up the lawn, leaving his wife on the beach. We are watching the paint hit the lawn right behind them. Another brother, who is still on the roof of the house, was fearing for his life while paintballs were exploding all around him. It is now rare to see that family have a party at their house now without a tent.

The relationship between a father and his son is complicated. The father has to educate or command his son from his point of view, and the son receives the commands from his own point of view. The father wants his son to be happy all the time and safe at the same time, so he has to either tell him not to do something and make him upset, or agree with him and potentially let him hurt himself. The father’s diﬃculty is telling the son what to do or what not to do and explaining why. Here is a story that explains what I mean. I have a lot of friends back home in Egypt. One of them was my best

friend, Ali. One day my dad told me not to hang out with him. I asked why, and he said, “Because I said so.” I said, “But he is my best friend, and he is always nice to me.” He replied by saying, “I don’t want to talk about it anymore; no means no!” I left the room anxious and didn’t talk to my father for a day; but I also didn’t talk to my friend either. One month later, I knew that he wasn’t a nice guy: he always hung out with drug dealers and people who stole. I also knew that he was involving me by using my money to buy drugs. The big surprise was that the person who proved that to me was another friend of mine, whom I didn’t like at all

because I thought that he was too boring and silly. I went to my father and told him what happened and hugged him. I asked him, “How did you know that? Why didn’t you tell me?” I never got an answer from him. My dad is always looking for the best for me, but I always misunderstand him and that really upsets me. In conclusion, I always want to do crazy things, and my father is always looking out for my future. The solution to misunderstanding: when my dad and I have the same point of view, it makes things easier.

A father showed his son a picture. The son was only a small child. At his height, the son saw a smiling face in the picture. His father told him, he could only see a crying face. The son didn’t believe his father, so the son stood on a chair to reach his father’s height. To his surprise, he saw the same thing as his father had. Finally, his father told him that, he had watched a same thing when he was a boy; he’d seen the same smiling face that his son had. Fable (Anon.)

One day, my dad couldn’t handle my lateness anymore, so he gave me a surprising punishment when I came back home late once again. I thought my ears weren’t functioning correctly because he said, “Fine, fine, fine, since you are so crazy about basketball, then go play that damn game for the whole day!” He went to his room without saying anything more. $ After I realized what he’d said, I was totally freaked out; I thought my father had stopped caring about me. So instead of playing basketball, I stayed in my room and started my homework. I wanted to show my father that I knew what I had done was wrong, and I really felt sorry. However, he walked out of his room and asked me, "Why

are you still here? You should be playing basketball right now!” I was so confused; I thought my father would accept my apology, but instead he wanted me to play basketball. $ When I came home at the end of the day, my father asked me, “Did you enjoy playing basketball continuously, without any punishment? Was that enough for you, or do you want to do this again and again?” Even though I did want to play basketball all day long, I knew what I was supposed to say. I told my father I was tired of playing basketball and was sorry for being late to my classes. I promised I wouldn't be late for any more classes.

When I was in college, I lived with my grandparents for one year. During that time, I spent a lot of time with my grandfather. He was born in the late 1800s, and he started working right after high school. After a few jobs, he became a Yale campus policeman. As a policeman he knew all kinds of people around New Haven, Connecticut, where the Yale campus is located, as well as many students who went on to become very famous Americans, including Cabinet secretaries and CEOs, many of whom later attended his retirement party. If you listened to him talk, you would think he was a very biased person, with a lot of racial and ethnic prejudices. But, as I spent time with him and got to know him, by hearing the stories about various parts of his life, I came to learn that, how he spoke about racial and ethnic groups, had very little to do with how he acted in his life. Under his gruďŹ&#x20AC; exterior, he was a very kind and

compassionate person, and he went out of his way to help a lot of people with both small and large acts of kindness. They did not always ask for him to help; often he just started to help when they were in a time of need. One story is particularly illustrative. There was a tire store in New Haven owned by a Jewish man. For various reasons, including buying tires at the store, my grandfather got to know him, but they were not â&#x20AC;&#x153;friendsâ&#x20AC;? by any means. One night, a vandal broke the big plate glass windows in the tire store. The next morning my grandfather was driving past the store, saw the damage, stopped to ask what had happened, and the distressed man explained. That night, after he worked his shift at Yale, my grandfather went to the tire store and told the owner to go home, he would watch the store. He did that for several nights until the damage could be repaired. He did that for several

nights until the damage could be repaired. The man never forgot that act of kindness. For 35 years until my grandfather passed away, even though he was Jewish, the man he would come to my grandparents house every Christmas and bring my grandfather a bottle of whiskey and my grandmother a box of chocolates. My grandfather would have a beer every day, but was not a big drinker and, over the years, they had a closet that filled with liquor bottles--my grandmother begged him to not give them as presents. When I went to his funeral, other people told me this story, and many other stories as well, so that I would know what a kind and good man he was during his life. Steve Jessey

ON THE DEATH OF JACK LIPSITZ by Lou Lipsitz As to heaven – since he was no saint, I’m not sure my father was admitted. He was the sort, you see, not especially given to taking orders. If God had instructed him to butcher his son, the way Abraham was told, he would have hesitated, probably oﬀering an excuse, like an arm gone arthritic, or, having taken me to the mountain, would have suﬀered a case of acute heartburn and been helped home, burping. That night he would have whispered To me, “What is this, killing my son? The man must have emotional problems. I hear also that he burns cities supposedly wicked. He must be under a strain. You have to overlook sometimes.” And coughing once or twice, would have fallen asleep.

Had any prophets been around, they would have preached against his kind. A man of the belly, they would have said, giving over his life unto earthly pleasures, unto suntans and games of chance. A man never seen in the sanctuaries of the Lord, but taking himself instead into barbershops, movies, haberdashers, and, sometimes, a casino. They would lament his slavery to convention. A man lacking backbone, forgetful of the teachings of the Book. So when he came to the Gate, perhaps they would have admitted him, grudgingly, for after all, he had never engaged in cruelty, had never forgotten entirely how to love. They would have warned him, tho’, and cautioned him to keep to the side streets, out of sight of the righteous men and women who spread their pious, obedient wings on the main boulevards. After a couple of weeks, he would have gone quietly to find the gin-rummy players who live on the outskirts of Hell.

Interview with William “Trip” Darrin III By Charles Gao

First, I want them to love themselves, be confident. Then, I want them to be themselves, I don’t want them to pretend to be somebody else. I want them to be happy as who they are.

Did you come from a large family? One brother, father and mother.. What is the best experience you remember having with your father? (and the worst?). Best: My father taught me how to play golf, and we played many rounds together. Worst: When I was in high school, my parent gave me a chance to be in charge of our house. They left home to spend their own weekend. I decided to have a party at home. But one of my friends arrived drunk and got badly sick; I had to call ambulance. Finally, my father found out; he was so disappointed in me, and I felt very bad for having let him down. He punished me by making me stay home for two months. If you come from a family with a military father, how did that affect you growing up? At the time I was just born, my father was sent to Vietnam for 1 year. When he came back, he went to law school and later became a lawyer. When I grew up, I was curious about war, so I asked him did he kill people in the war and some other questions. My father said he wouldn’t tell me until I was 14. However, when I was 14, I decided not to ask because I didn’t want to remind him of those bad experiences. What is the hardest thing or things about being a parent?

For me, I am not a patient person. I want things to go fast. Therefore, every time I am going to be anxious, I will take a deep breathe or walk back to my room. My wife is incredible and senses when I’m anxious. She knows to let me have some time to cool myself down. Also, I want to teach my kids what should they do after making mistake. Usually, when I see they are making mistakes, I will let it go--after making sure it’s safe--then I will help them correct the mistakes. I want them to have the experience of making mistakes, so as not to fear failure. Failure can be a tremendously positive force in life because it means you’re trying and gives you many opportunities to learn and make incremental improvements. What were your dreams or goals before you become a father; how did they change after you became one? My dream was to become the headmaster of school, having a family and traveling. I’m still thinking about next one. What’s the best thing your father taught you? He gave me the confidence to achieve goals. He encouraged me a lot.

themselves, I don’t want them to pretend to be somebody else. I want them to be happy as who they are. What effect do you think a missing father plays in a boy’s life? It’s really hard to have a missing father. A boy needs both mother and father. When a boy grows up to around 10 or 12, it’s the time for father to show him how a man acts. It’s quite important. What (if anything) might you choose to do differently as a father than your father did? When I was young, I didn’t feel my father’s love directly; but now, I do. When I was on the high school varsity golf team, I had a very big conference match. On the last shot of the match, I made an eagle, and I was so excited and ran to my father to tell him, “I won the match.” My father didn’t celebrate with me. Instead he said, “The last shot? That’s really hard; you just had good luck”. At the moment, I was really sad. But now, I am 45, when I think back about that, I think the reason why my father said that was because he thought he was not good enough and I was his son, I was a part of him; he wanted me to be better.

What are you going to teach your children? First, I want them to love themselves, be confident. Then, I want them to be

Ed. Note: Mr. Darrin is the Headmaster of Blue Ridge School.

TRANSITION #1 I watched a small man with thick calluses on both hands work fifteen and sixteen hours a day. I saw him once literally bleed from the bottoms of his feet, a man who came here uneducated, alone, unable to speak the language, who taught me all I needed to know about faith and hard work by the eloquence of his example. Mario Cuomo A father who plants trust in his son will enable that son to come back and talk with him about all sorts of things – even things that the son knows might make his father angry. When a son trusts his father, that trust can actually trump something the son very much wants to do in that moment. Jerry King

The role of a father is to lead by example, especially with value examples, and always be there for guidance and protection. Peter Atkinson

When I was growing up my father and I had a very good relationship, and I have nothing but fond memories of that time. He came from a very poor family--was the the 5th of 6 children--and his father died when he was young. His mother, an Irish immigrant who initially came to the U.S. as an indentured servant, supported the family on her own. Since he missed having a father, he was very involved and determined to be there for us growing up--and he was. Growing up poor, the things that he always impressed on me and my siblings were the importance of hard work, persistence, determination, and resiliency. This was often the theme in the stories that he told us about his life and the stories about other people’s lives. Steve Jessey

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be. Anonymous One of life’s great mysteries is how the boy who wasn’t smart enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world. $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ Anonymous By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. Charles Wadsworth

My grandfather served in the navy during World War II and became an alcoholic during and after the war, which aďŹ&#x20AC;ected my father. His goal was to be a better father than his own was. I believe that he is a great dad. I had a rough relationship with my dad in high school. Even so, he found ways to support me. For example, even during his busiest times at work, he went to every one of my basketball games. Vinton Bruton

If someday I become a father, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to spend more time with my sons than my father did with me. David Welty

I think I am a successful father. There is really not much that I would change. If I could go back, I would spend more time with my family when my children were sick. My wife often took care of them at those times because I was always working. Jerry Jared

The Boy Who Dreamed of Me by Kip Knott You were the boy who dreamed of me, who promised not to raise me as your father had raised you. You grew into the man who survived a small town, the man who loved many women before my mother. When I was a child, you gave me my life then saved it, cooled my fevered body, threatened to hit me but never did. Father, you are the chip I carry to make my back strong, the man who knows the power of silence, the man who taught me to keep to myself, never to rely on others, to harness loneliness like a plow and make something out of hard ground.

He made the mistake of letting a novelist grow up in his house, remembering

every violent act.

Pat Conroy

MY FATHERâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S SONG by Simon J. Ortiz Wanting to say things, I miss my father tonight. His voice, the slight catch, The depth from his thin chest, The tremble of emotion in something he has just said to his son, his song. We planted corn one spring in Acu--we planted several times but this one particular time I remember the soft damp sand in my hand. My father had stopped at one point to show me an overturned furrow; the plowshare had unearthed the burrow nest of a mouse in the moist sand. Very gently, he scooped tiny pink animals into the palm of his hand and told me to touch them. We took them to the edge of the field and put them in the shade of a sand moist clod. I remember the very softness of cool and warm sand and tiny alive mice and my father saying things.

When I was told that I had to write an essay about fathers and sons, I realized someday it would come, and today was the day. Of all topics I have written about so far, the one about fathers is the most diﬃcult one. It does not mean I have nothing to write about the relationship between my father me, but I really do not want to do it. But now here is the assignment, and I have to do it. First of all, I want to emphasize that my father is a good father. Even since I can remember, my father has occupied a large part of my life. He is always busy in his business and spends rare time home; however, it does not mean that we do not have much time to spend with each other. I still remember when I was in primary school, my father and I could spend the whole time after dinner every day watching TV and playing fun board games. My father promised me that every time when I earned a good grade, he would meet a little aspiration of mine, and he did it.

“So, at the middle school, constant studying became my excuse to avoid any meeting with my father. I thought I did not do anything wrong, and I kept myself safe from his blame. But now we have become strangers.” When my father and mother were in their “cold war,” he tried not to influence me with any of this. As a father, he does everything he is supposed to do, and I did enjoy the time before I went to middle school. But everything was changing between us after that. When I went to middle school, my father forced me to continue studying after dinner, and the most precious time I had had with him was gone. He required me to achieve more in that school than in the primary school. I felt really tired at this time. He was even busier and spent less time at the dining table (usually this was the only time the family could stay together). The time I used to talk with him was greatly decreased during this period, but this is not the main reason that caused the relationship to be so bad. I do not even want to mention it.

Sometimes it was hard to imagine ever being able to measure up to what I thought he expected. It was hard to understand him as a kid. What I learned in my later teens was that he was a much more kind and gentle man than I thought him to be. He approved of me more than I thought he did; he was able to communicate that to me when I was older. John Young My father is really irritable; sometimes I have a hard time with him. He could be angry for any reason at any second. I always started to be nervous when he came home. At the same time, I cannot deny what he has done for me, and I am thankful for everything he does. So, at the middle school, constant studying became my excuse to avoid any meeting with my father. I thought I did not do anything wrong, and I kept myself safe from his blame. But now we have become strangers. Another reason is the generation gap. I sometimes tried to start a conversation with him, but he often made the conversation really boring for me. He likes to talk about my life in the future, but I want to talk contemporary, interesting stuﬀ. After a couple of tries, I decided to give up forever. Things have become worse now. I am in America, and he is in China. I never want to talk to him and briefly answer his questions on the Internet only when it is necessary. I know I am totally wrong in doing this, but I have no idea how to atone for it. Someday I might feel remorse for what I have done to my father, and I’m afraid it is too late to repair...right?

My relationship with my dad was not always a good one and began somewhat rough. He would travel all the time, and I would not see him. That was truly painful. When he came back sometimes, he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t pay that much attention to me. I remember this one time I tried to get his attention by messing around in front of the TV during the World Cup. He slapped me. However that was the only time he ever laid hands on me. After this incident, he sent me to a boarding school called Oakland. In a way, going to Oakland was the best thing that ever happened in my life, but that is another story. When I went to Oakland, I felt very homesick and my family missed me. Then I came to BRS, and I realized something: my dad missed me so much and, sometimes, I did not spend much time with him when I came back home. It was like our roles had reversed: he now misses me, and I am in a boarding school. So now I realize that each one now feels what the other felt. My mom told me one time that my dad missed me terribly. I missed him too, but sometimes I would forget to call them. When I finally remember to call, I feel like my heart hurts. It just pains me to see my dad suďŹ&#x20AC;er the same way I did.

I remember once when I was a child, my father took me to Boston via the subway. We lived in Cambridge at the time, and it was a real treat for me riding the subway and being alone with my dad, which didn't happen very often. I remember grabbing ahold of his raincoat because it was a bleak day. My gesture was an attempt at establishing a bond--a father-son intimacy--but my dad didn't respond to my overture. That was the last attempt at outreach that I ever made to him. Back in those days, many parents felt that children should be seen, not heard, and I remember these words coming from my father. Anonymous $

Sometimes I remember things about him that shape him as a role model. This one time there was a accident that happened on a bridge, right in front of our family car. He was able to evade it without driving oﬀ the bridge; he literally saved our family from potential death. At that moment my jaw dropped, and I still ask myself, “How did dad learn how to drive like that.” There are a lot of things I don’t know about my dad. That pains me. For example I just learned last year that my dad is actually a very sensitive person. This in turn made me feel even worse. I just wish I could spend as much time as possible with my father.

A man and his son were once going with their donkey to the market. As they were walking along by its side, a countryman passed them and said: “You fools, what is a donkey for but to ride upon?” $ So the man put the boy on the donkey, and they went on their way. But soon they passed a group of men, one of whom said: “See that lazy youngster, he lets his father walk while he rides.” $ So the man ordered his boy to get off, and got on himself. But they hadn't gone far when they passed two women, one of whom said to the other: “Shame on that lazy lout to let his poor little son trudge along.” $ Well, the man didn't know what to do, but at last he took his boy up before him on the donkey. By this time they had come to the town, and the passers-by began to jeer and point at them. The man stopped and asked what they were scoffing at. The men said: “Aren't you ashamed of yourself for overloading that poor donkey of yours—you and your hulking son?” $ The man and boy got off and tried to think what to do. They thought and they thought, until at last they cut down a pole, tied the donkey’s feet to it, and raised the pole and the donkey to their shoulders. They went along amid the laughter of all who met them until they came to Market Bridge, when the donkey, getting one of his feet loose, kicked out and caused the boy to drop his end of the pole. In the struggle the donkey fell over the bridge, and his forefeet being tied together, he was drowned. $ “That will teach you,” said an old man who had followed them: “PLEASE ALL, AND YOU WILL PLEASE NONE.” Fable (Anon.)

I don’t have the best or worst relationship with my father. We have nothing in common really. He just comes home from work, gets on his computer and works, and the only times that I would normally talk with him are when he is at the table eating a meal, or if we’re both in the car together. I usually just spent every day going outside to get away from all the stress it caused me. $ I never have really felt like I had a place I could call home. We have moved so often that I miss friends who are everywhere in the world, but I don’t feel like I have a place that I can call home. So by not being around my father most of the time, I guess I just never really bonded with him. But I do remember that there was one time (this was in 7th grade, right when I was learning about what heavy metal was and then got hooked on it) that he took me to a Washington Nationals baseball game since his oﬃce gave him a pair of tickets. I was never really into sports at all, but I decided to take my dad’s oﬀer and go to this game with him. $ When we parked the car, the first thing I thought was, “This is a mistake; I could be back outside

skating and listening to Slipknot all day.” But we went into the stadium, and the first thing I noticed was food...and not just some food. There were restaurants built into the stadium! I loved food at the time. I remember that my dad and I both got hot dogs with everything on them. Then we went to our seats, sat down, and watched the game. This was my first time to watch a game, but I thought I knew what to expect from a baseball game: just some guy hitting the ball and running around the bases. But this was one of my first experiences at a live game, and there was something about it that brought my father and me together. We were both rooting and screaming for the Nationals to win. My last memory that I can recall after the game was that we got the biggest plate of nachos ever after the game since there was a restaurant where that gave away free nachos every time the Nationals won a game. That was the probably the only moment where I’ve felt so close with my father.

“We have moved so often that I miss friends that are everywhere in the world, but I don’t feel like I have a place that I can call home. So by not being around my father most of the time, I guess I just never really bonded with him.”

$ Something I would want my father to know is how much his memory contributes to the work I do. Knowing that my father helps to pay for my education gives me a drive to want to do well to make him proud. Also, I would want him to know how well I do in football. My love of football is probably something inspired by him, and the fact that I play it and am good at it is something I would want him to see and know about. $ Something I wouldn’t want my father to know about are the things I’ve not done well. Since my father knows so little about me, I wouldn’t want him to know of my failures, or times I’ve gotten in trouble, or anything like that. $ Having my father slowly disappear as I was growing up was hard to deal with, but when I think about it, I just try to be grateful for whatever involvement he has in my life, however small, because I know there are kids whose fathers aren’t in their lives at all anymore or never even were. $ One thing I would want to do diﬀerently from my father is to stay with my kids. I try not to hold resentment towards him for it, and I don’t, but I know that if I ever have children, especially a son, I want to be around in his life. There are just some things--and a special kind of bond--that you can only get from having a father or father figure in your life, and I want that for my children.

After the speeches were finished, all of the parents looked for their kids to give them their ribbons. I was looking for my father because he had promised me that he would come. But, I could not find my father. Finally another kid’s parent gave me my ribbon after realizing that I was alone, and my father had not come. It was just a ribbon to me, it had no meaning because it was not from my dad. But the thing that troubled me was that my father, had promised he would come no matter how busy he was. The school was only about five minutes away from my home. In some ways, I was worrying about my father’s safety because he had never failed to keep any promises to me. As soon as the celebration was done, I ran as fast as I could home and looked for my father in his oﬃce. Fortunately he was there, but he was talking and laughing as if nothing had happened. I ran up to my room and started crying. I was young and, as much as I tried to not think about my father forgetting about me, all I could think about was myself at school, among the kids with their parents. But not me; I was standing alone, looking for my father.

The relationship between father and son is very unique. The son learns skills, ideas, and even gets advice from his father; the strong bond between the two almost always remains the same and will last forever. Every father knows that it is his natural duty to teach his son the ways of life, and to sculpt him into a real man. The role of a father is very important during the time of growing up, and is needed by every boy. I had a father when I was growing up, and I really enjoyed the times that I can remember spending with him. I look back now and wish that I still had a father to look up to and learn from. I never really knew the disadvantages of growing up without a dad until recently, when I was older--about the age of fourteen or fifteen. I looked around and realized that fathers had strong relationships with their sons, and realized how much I have missed in life. I almost felt sad that I had missed out on all the fun that life had to oﬀer me. I grew up healthy and fine without a father, and I think I know the skills my father would have taught me. I hope that I am ready to be a man. The role of a father is very important in growing up and is needed by every young boy in the stages of youth. Even though I grew up without a father, I think my mother had taken up the role of “father” when I was young and learning new things. I am almost mad at my mom for divorcing my dad, but I am sure she had a good reason. At the same time, I am thankful that she has upheld the role of a dad for me. The bond I have with my mother is not nearly as strong as it would of been with my dad, but I realize how she is trying to fulfill the roles of both father and mother.

I don’t really know my father too well; he left my mom when I was one-and-a-half years old, and, until about five years ago, I didn’t have any contact with him. I didn’t really want to have contact with him. I knew nothing about him or why he left, and it made me hate him for a long time. I still only talk to him around Christmas, and very little at that. I feel distant from him still. It makes me mad at times to think about being so distant from someone I’m supposed to call my family.

That’s why my stepfather doesn’t like him. I was three when my mom met my stepfather--who I’ve had ups and downs with--but overall, a decent relationship. He is the father figure I’ve grown up with, and in many ways, is a good influence except for his drinking problem. My stepfather doesn’t like the fact I go away to school, especially in a completely diﬀerent state. He tried to argue and yell with my mom to keep me home but lost. He knows how much I miss home, and what I would do to be home and hang out with him. Seeing these two diﬀerent types of father figures--one not being there, and one being there but having some issues--has made me realize what kind of father I would want to be. I plan to be there for my kids and keep a roof over their heads and clothes on their bodies, and do father-son activities. I plan on having reasonable rules and not be too lenient or too strict. I expect all chores will be done before they do anything with friends. I would also expect them to behave with good manners, and treat others the way they would want to be treated. I would act the way I would want them to act unless we are joking around. I will teach them to treat women with respect.

EACH MORNING by LeRoi Jones Each morning I go down to Gansevoort St. and stand on the docks. I stare out at the horizon until it gets up and comes to embrace me. I make believe it is my father. This is known as genealogy.

My two parents represent the greatest influence on my life. An if my dad had been there for me, it would have been the double greatest influence on my life. Jarod Kintz, “This Book Has No Title” The relationship that I have with my father is a subject that I do not like to talk about because there is nothing to talk about; it is just that bad of a relationship. Really there is nothing to talk about because my dad is always working and, if he isn’t working, he is usually asleep, taking a "break," even though he has been taking a break for the past week. He has even said that did not like me or my little brother, saying that we were ungrateful kids. If he isn't doing either of the two previous things, he is with us, usually either taking things way too seriously, not taking them seriously enough, or even playing around too much and getting drunk. He never has time for family, is always on a "business trip" or something like that, and does not even care what we do as long as we don't break something. Honestly, for reasons I don't want to say, we don't trust each other at all. We never have and never will. I have never been able to trust anybody for that exact reason. If I can't trust my own father how am I supposed to trust anyone else? He may be able to trust people, but that is the exact opposite of me and how I work. I just can't trust people--that is not how I operate--and no dumb trust exercise will change that.

When a father, absent during the day, returns home at six, his children receive only his temperament, not his teaching. Robert Bly

Sometimes the relationship between fathers and sons is not as good as we think. Some prejudice and generation gap could make sons feel their father’s inadequate. It is a common fact that the fathers are often misunderstood by their sons, and their love for their sons is likewise ignored or distorted by sons. It is depressing that this situation always happens to us or people around us. $ $ $ Anonymous

When I was young, I saw my father leave my family. I was told at the time that he was going to the store to buy food. But I was a smart boy then as I am now and I knew that was not the truth. I do not really remember him, nor do I hate him. I simply don’t care about him—don’t want to know anything about him either. The decision I made when he left was that, if he wanted to leave me, I would leave him as well; and I don’t want to hear anything about it! We got cards from him, lots of them, with money inside for my sister’s birthday and for mine. But I knew that they were not from him. The money used to come from his mother, until she died, trying to make it seem to us that, “Oh, your Daddy still cares about you and misses you.” I doubt it. Even if I were to see him today, I do not think I’d speak to him. If he wanted to see me, he should have made that decision earlier, before he left. . . Jerk.

”The confusing part about this is that my father is now reaching out to me more than ever, now that I'm maturing. It is not too late, but I think it would have been better if he had done that sooner.” My dad is an ex-military man; I guess that makes it hard for him to show any emotion in anything he does. Unlike some people, my dad has been around most of my life, but I sometimes feel he is not, probably because we do not have intimate father and son relationship. This makes me wonder what the role of a father in a child's life is. Is he supposed to be just the breadwinner of the family, or something more? In the culture that I grew up in, most fathers work hard to provide for the family, be the disciplinary figure, and set rules in the house while mothers play the role of having personal relationships with their children. Growing up and experiencing other cultures makes me feel and wish my dad and I could have had a more intimate relationship. I'm not saying he is a bad father, but our father and

son bond is not as strong as I know it should have been. My mother is the person I talk to most about my personal issues, but I wish I had the same relationship with my dad. I could have used some fatherly advice on a number of issues. The confusing part about this is that my father is now reaching out to me more than ever, now that I'm maturing. It is not too late, but I think it would have been better if he had done that sooner.

Ed. note: About an hour after this young man turned in this paper, he received a call from Africa that his father had died suddenly of a massive heart attack.

William Haddad was an associate of President John Kennedy. After Kennedy was assassinated, his young son, John, asked Mr. Haddad, “Are you a daddy?” Haddad told him he was. Said little John, “Then will you throw me up in the air? The Little, Brown Book of Anecdotes

An old father had three sons. He lived in a small village, and all the money he earned was from planting corn and selling it to buy food. He was very poor, and wife left because of the diďŹ&#x192;cult life, but he never gave up on his sons. He worked very, very hard to send his sons to school. Fortunately, all of them went to good universities. As a result, his sons got good jobs and became rich. The three sons never forgot their father and hired a servant for him. As rich men, all three sons were very busy, so they visited their father only a few timesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;just made phone calls to him when they remembered. The old father missed them a great deal and always wanted them to come home so they might have dinner together. His sons were angry with their father about always asking them to go back home because they were so busy. At last, one day, their father never woke up in the morning, and, after they were notified, the sons realized that their father had died of cancer. He was proud of his sons and had only wanted to spend a bit more time with them, but they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make his wish come true. Fable (Anon.)

My father died four years ago. He

During freshmen year, I was jealous

died from a heart attack. He was very tall, healthy and active. He always told the truth and supported me in everything. Suddenly, he died. I was just so shocked, I couldn’t even cry. I can’t even remember my father’s funeral. After his funeral, my mother wanted me to study in the U.S.A for my success, but I disagreed. Every day we would argue about it!

about that. I felt something empty and lonely in my mind. Actually, I am still jealous. But I can’t do anything about it.

Now that my father was gone, I wanted to protect my mother, but studying in U.S.A. was my father’s hope. When I came here, I forgot about my father. But I saw the other people’s father at sports events. Their fathers supported and cheered up their sons.

Every vacation, my family always goes to his tomb. We always pray together for my peaceful high school life. On the right side of his tomb is our family photo. That picture came from my father’s last birthday in the real world. That picture always makes me miss him, so I always stare at it when I visit his tomb.

I never cry for his death.

My father

always wanted me to be brave. I also know he’ll always take care me.

love you papa.

Do not go gentle into that good night Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

I imagine it must be very diﬃcult for a son to be raised by only his mother. Actually when I was growing up, I found that I could talk about things that troubled me much more easily with my mother than I could with my father. I think that was because my father seemed much more powerful and much more in charge of things; in some ways he seemed more intimidating, not in a bad way, but I always felt like he held the bar really high. My mother seemed to be more sensitive to things, and I didn’t want to appear to my father in any way wimpy. John Young

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night.

I was lucky enough to have both my parents, but it must be tough to be missing a parent; it is a life changer. It is more important than words can say. $ John Hetzel

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT by Dylan Thomas

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Teaching children about death is a diﬃcult thing. When my grandmother recently passed away, we tried to explain to our kids that although we were sad because she was no longer with us, she had lived a good life, she loves the Lord, and we can take comfort in the fact that she is in heaven now. Vinton Bruton You were lifeless in my arms – your small body suddenly limp, devoid of soul and consciousness. It was 3:30 am. Sheer panic came over me, like nothing I’d ever experienced before. I could not chase my mounting fear away or clear my head. All I kept saying to myself was, “Please…don’t be dying. Not here. Not now. Not like this.” I tried to recall my CPR training. In the movies, it is so clear; everyone just knows when to start the procedure. But with you, I could not get myself to even put you down. My instinct made me keep your little head near my right ear as I ran confusedly around the house, waiting for the ambulance. I told myself that you would not stop breathing if I held your tiny mouth to my ear. Learning to be a good father is diﬃcult. In a split second that night, I was forced to confront, for the first time, what it must feel like to lose your son. I never want to experience this again. Andrew Vadnais Head of School South Kent School

Photo: Bruce Horowitz

Transition #2 “Suzanne got raped last night.” “What?” “In Boston. Mom and Bruce are going up to get her right now.” My father said more things, his voice shot through with shock and pain. He said he’d be right over, and as I hung up, my face began to feel on fire for what I felt right then, shame that I had not protected his daughter, my sister, but there was something else too, something I needed to deny but could not, this dark joy spreading through my chest at having just done that to him, the one who should’ve been here all along, the one who should never have left us in the first place. Andre Dubus III, “Townie”

When I was a baby, my father did not punish me very hard; however, sometimes he would try to get attention by force. After I went to school, my father did not put a lot of pressure on me, and my mother gave me more encouragement than my father. My father prefers outdoor activity, such as hiking, and he grew vegetables in the garden. We might spend some time in the garden together. However, my father doesn’t love ball games. He always drove me to the field, left, and then picked me up when I was done playing. My father seldom watched my game. Jerry Jared

My dad has two brothers, and when I got to be old enough to be invited, the three of them hung out with me as adults; that was really cool. Peter Atkinson

My best experience with my father growing up was playing football in the backyard; I loved the individual time I had with him. John Hetzel

One of my worries is that I constantly hope my son is living by the golden rule. Matt Bennett

I want my son to become a good moral man. I do not expect him to be a great scholar, but I want him to be a good moral leader. Jerry Jared

There’s a never-ending list of financial responsibilities. I had to get serious about my life and had to take some responsibility. John Hetzel

The greatest gift you can give your kids is a happy marriage. There is a responsibility that comes with that, which is really just super cool. Realizing that you're not in control is probably the hardest thing about being a parent...that they have to have their own experiences, and that their path is God’s path; I don't need to redirect it. Tony Brown

I hoped to have all of the great qualities of my father but none of his few bad qualities. It hasn’t worked that way. I swore I’d never show my children the temper my father had. In my worst moments, I heard my father’s unfortunate choice of words coming out of my mouth. In my best moments, my children received the same love, fairness and encouragement that I had received from my father. Dan Dunsmore

Support The love from fathers is silent. If you can hear it, it is not the love from fathers. Anonymous

There was a son whose father was an excellent mountain climber. The most exciting thing for the son to do was to watch the climbing show his father’s put on for the tourists from outside the town. The son did not know that he had a congenital disease, and the treatment cost a huge amount of money for his family. The father did not tell his son anything about his disease and never stopped performing the climbing show so he would make enough money to pay for his son’s treatment. Everyone knew the show was very dangerous, and the father could have an accident and die at any time. Finally, in one show, the son saw his father almost fall from the cliﬀ, but fortunately the father grabbed a branch attached to the cliﬀ. The father’s hands were badly hurt by this accident, and his son begged him not to climb again; however, the father knew that he had a reason, and there was nothing that could stop him from saving his son. The love of the father was incredible. Finally, the disease was cured. Through nearly fifteen years of shows, the father never once failed to perform the show that could save his son. Fable (Anon.)

THOSE WINTER DAYS by Robert Hayden Sundays too my father got up early and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold, then with cracked hands that ached from labor in the weekday weather made banked fires blaze. No one ever thanked him. I’d wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking. When the rooms were warm, he’d call, and slowly I would rise and dress, fearing the chronic angers of that house. Speaking indiﬀerently to him, who had driven out the cold and polished my good shoes as well. What did I know, what did I know of love’s austere and lonely oﬃces? The pressures of being a parent are equal to any pressure on earth. To be a conscious parent, and really look to that little being’s mental and physical health, is a responsibility that most of us, including me, avoid most of the time, because it’s too hard. John Lennon

I think the thing I worry most about is that anything could happen to my children, no matter how good or bad I am as a father. David Welty It was a simple game on a Saturday afternoon. I was sixteen, and I was playing a U19 soccer game. My team was doing great, we were winning two to one, and I had a couple good saves. My dad was behind my goal as usual. He watches all my games, supporting me and being tough when I need it. The game was almost over, but suddenly a fight started near the bench; and of course, stupid as I am, I sprinted there to fight along with my teammates. It was an awful idea, I was sixteen. I could never handle a nineteen year-old guy, and that is

what happened. I punched one guy in his face, but he withstood it; he started to chase me on the field. The only thing I could do was run, but suddenly I was at midfield with four guys around me. I was done. The first guy tried to punch my back, but I dodged. When I turned back another guy punched me right in the nose; I fell on the ground, and again I was done. The guys were going to kick me while I was on the ground! I don't know how, but my dad invaded the field and ran to me. He jumped over me and let all the kicks

land on him, not on me; he got up and kicked the four guys asses. He was amazing! He still is amazing, and that is the image that I will always have of my dad: a superhero who is always there when I need him. Every night I thank God for having him in my life. He isn't perfect, he makes mistakes, but he is perfect to me. People say that I'm just like my dad, and I feel proud when they say that! He is a great man, a great husband, a great father, and he has a huge heart. I hope when I grow up I can be just like him.

“Dad, I am sorry. I really want to kill myself.”

One day, one of the topics in the news caught my attention. The headline was “Lovely Dad’s Text.” In Korea, senior students are permitted to take a college entrance examination only once a year, and a poor examination might extend one’s high school career by an extra year. The college entrance examination in Korea causes serious problems and big issues. Some students kill themselves before this examination because of the stress from studying; some students kill themselves after they receive the results of the examination because they are disappointed in themselves. Some students even spend more than four year after their first examination in order to enter their dream school. However, the news was about the text between a father and a son after he received his result. He sent his father a text that said, “Dad, I am sorry. I really want to kill myself.” A minute later, his father replied, “It is okay son, I am satisfied with what you do and who you are. Come home early before I go to sleep, so I can give you big hug.” I believe the relationship between a boy and his dad is one of the most important relationships that a boy will have in his life. I believe that the role of fathers is to support their children and always be on their side, no matter what the circumstances are. The role of father could lead to higher possibilities for the boy in living a positive lifestyle. After I watched this news, I scrolled down to see comments. Many people agreed with me about what I thought regarding the role of fathers. Nonetheless, many fathers do not seem to fulfill their commitment. Many fathers physically hurt, or even abandon their children. I am hoping I won’t become a father who is ashamed of his son. I wish to be like the father who was in the news.

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me. $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ Jim Valvano

It is much harder to become a father than to be one.

In a young person’s life, parents are usually the most important people. Parents are children’s best friends and tutors when they are young. I believe that my parents are great. My mom plays the role that takes care of the child’s daily life and instructs the child; my dad then plays the role that complements my mom’s shortcomings. When I was in elementary school, I didn’t see my dad too much because he had to travel all around the world for work every week. The longest trip I still remember now was a three-month trip to Singapore. I used to think my life and my parents were so ordinary-just like all ordinary people would have--and I would have this kind of life when I grew up as well. However, after I came to America, when I thought back through the things that happened between my dad and me, I began to realize that my dad is not a dad who just travels around for business without caring for the family. My dad actually tried to provide me with the things I wanted, but sometime I just wanted too much, so my dad didn’t give me everything I wanted. Moreover, I forgot that my dad is not only a dad but also a person who has the right to do what he wants. However, every weekend, if I wanted to play basketball, my dad found time to play with me; every weekday, he got up early to deliver me to school. Then, after I finished the second year of middle school, he sent me to a school for which he had to pay almost ten times more money than he did before. Maybe my dad is just an ordinary person compared with the richest or the most powerful people in the world, or even in the city I lived in. However, he might be a dad who cares the most about his child. There weren’t any dramatic events that happened between my dad and me, but I believe that my dad has given me the best life that he could give me.

Kent Nerburn

I think the hardest part of being a son now, as a father and a husband myself, is having enough time to spend with my father. My life makes it hard to spend time with my dad because I have to take care of two children and my job. Peter Atkinson

In my opinion, the relationship with his father is one of the most important relationships in both the boy and the father’s life. Whether it’s good or not is mostly dependent on the whether they both want to be involved or not. If they have a positive relationship, they will live in a successful manner. For example, if the son can always feel that his father loves him and is always looking after him, even though his father might not spend quality time with him, they still can live in a positive lifestyle. $ Someone said that there is a big diﬀerence between a father and a dad. Personally speaking, I agree with that; If you simply have a child, then you will be a father. However, a dad should be a good father who really loves his child, and spends his limited time with his child in a positive way. It’s really hard to do that; spending time in a positive way means the father shouldn’t only beat and quarrel with his child. They should play together to gain more knowledge and know more about each other. It not only takes lots of time, but also dedication. $ My dad is always busy. We live in diﬀerent cities. He only comes back home two or three times a month, each time for no more than two days. However, he always gives me help with homework, life-lessons and so on. He will not just tell me what to do; he knows this won’t help me at all. Therefore, he always guides me in the right direction. When I have problems with homework, he just gives me some tips, and I figure out the answer together with him. This has actually helped me a lot; now, when I get stuck on a problem, I can always do it by myself. $ My dad always tells me stories of his childhood, and uses these stories to give me life-lessons. This makes the hard life-lesson easier for me to understand. Now, I’m more confident to solve the problems in my international studies.

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s mostly joyous with some frustration and discomfort. I mean suddenly there is someone more important than you are. I love my son, and I love being his father; any worry that comes along with it is worth it. Matt Bennett My father has always been good at being a parent, in my eyes. He has taught me what is right and wrong my entire life, but all while trying to be my friend at the same time. I hope to be like my father when I have kids of my own. $ When I was in the third grade, my father signed me up for Boy Scouts. At the time, I did not like my fatherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s decision at all. We made a deal that if I stuck with it for two years and still did not like it, I would not have to do it any longer. While I was a boy scout, my father and I did many activities together. We went on many camping trips, which I think I enjoyed the most. He taught me how to pitch a tent, build a fire, and cook food over it. I now realize why my father made me do this for two years, and what he was teaching me. I am thankful that my father did that. $ A time that I feel like my father and I bonded, was the summer I was in sixth grade. We went to a small town in the mountains called Raystown, stayed in a little cabin for two days, and went fishing and boating. I really enjoyed this at the time because it was just my father and me. We had a lot of fun during those two days; I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think I will ever forget about that trip we took. $ I think my father and I have a very good relationship, and he has been a good father to me. Even though he and his father did not have a very good relationship, he has overcome that and tried to create a good one with me.

The older I get the more I can see how much he loved my mother and my brother and me, and he did the best that he could and I only hope when I have my own family that everyday I see a little more of my father in me. Keith Urban, “Song for Dad”

MY HAIR WAS RED by Fritz A.O. Strohmeyer My hair was red; The sun used to make it red when I was small. You put me on your lap,$ The seatbelt around us both, and held me While the roller-coaster crawled into the dark tunnel. Another time, you gave me tea and toast; I couldn’t keep anything else down. You held me and stroked my hair as my fever grew worse. We used to go walking on beaches. This time the clear sky grew black, Bringing wind and cold, And we still had four more miles. You carried me the last two, Through sheets of freezing rain, And rubbed my numb toes with your aching hands. You are older. I do not think I will need you to carry me again. I do not think you could. But I will always remember your tired hands rubbing life Back into my toes.

“My dad is a great father, and he thinks I am a great son. I thank God that I have a father who is nice to me, and he would do anything for me.”

I love and respect my father, and he loves me too. He would do anything for me: he just absolutely loves me, is always there for me, and tries to do everything he can to make me happy. For example, my father works his butt oﬀ for the family. He works extra at his job so that he can provide more on the table, and he gets oﬀ work early to hang out with me and go to the lake in the summer. If my dad could, he would go to all of my games, but he lives in Alabama and I go to school 12 hours away in Virginia. But he still does everything he can for me. I love my father, want to make him happy too, and earn his support. He does support me and always cheers and prays for my safety. We FaceTime every night, and ask about each others day, and he always smiles and is happy with me.

We have a lot in common. We both like comedy movies and going to the beach; sometimes we like the same clothes. But the biggest thing we have in common is that we are both huge fans and love the University of Alabama. We both love going to the games and supporting The Alabama Crimson Tide. I want to be like my father and go there as well, but I don’t want to be the vice president of a nursing home, like my dad is. I want to be a history teacher or a recruiting coordinator for football, and my father supports me all the way. We both respect and support each other in everything that we do. My dad is a great father, and he thinks I am a great son. I thank God that I have a father who is nice to me, and he would do anything for me.

$ Although I put my dad through a lot almost intentionally, he still loves me unconditionally. Whether I tell the truth, or my own version of whatever a situation may be, I know at the end of the day he still loves me. He’s always had my back, whether I’m right or wrong. He pushes me to do things I love and even things I hate, if he thinks that they will help me in the long run. One thing he hasn’t always understood was my desire to wrestle, but it never stopped him from letting me do it because he knew I loved it. He signed me up for wrestling every year whether I wanted to or not. Usually I would love it from the start, but when I was 8, it wasn’t fun for me after my first match, and he said, “If you don’t love it after this match, you can quit this year.” I lost, and he let me quit, although the following winter, he asked me if I wanted to do it again, and I said yes. Ever since then I’ve loved wrestling, and I believe the only reason I love it as much as I do is because he let me quit and come back to it the following year. That’s one thing I’ve learned to love about my dad – how he supports the decisions I make. $ My Dad also makes me do Boy Scouts, even though I have hated it for years and years. For me, scouting is more of a love-hate relationship, but I know how much it means to him, so I do it. I’ve tried to love doing it for him because it’s something I know he loves to see me do. I hope, after this summer, I will earn the rank of Eagle Scout. I know this will bring him much joy, and I’m doing it for him as well as for me, because he loves me and I love him. I do things for him because he does things for me as well. “Man and Child” by Jonathan Green

It was in my very early teens, when I was 12 or 13, that I experienced a remarkable moment of understanding about my father. My dad had a cabin cruiser, which he docked in Richmond. He wanted to move it down to Gloucester Point, Virginia, which is on the Chesapeake Bay. It was to be just the two of us on an overnight trip. We were to go all the way down the James River, then into the Bay, and up to Gloucester Point on the Eastern Shore. What was so special about it was the time that just the two of us had to ourselves. He let me steer the boat much of the way, which was really special because I knew that it was his pride and joy...It was great because we had quality bonding time, just between the two of us, away from my mother, sister, and little brother. We anchored oﬀ-shore for the night, prepared our dinner together in the galley, and, for the first time my father told me about how hard it was for him to have lost his father to cancer when he was just six years old. I knew that grandfather had died when dad was very young, but he had never revealed to me how much he missed not having a father to talk to when he was growing up and dealing with the challenges he faced in school and during his teenage years. For the first time in my life, the father I had seen as being in charge, completely confident, and almost invulnerable revealed to me a side of himself that I did not know existed. I lay down that evening in my bunk bed below deck with the understanding that, like me, he had experienced uncertainty and vulnerability as a young man. Knowing that, I was able to see my father, not so much as an invincible god upon a pedestal, whose likes I could never hope to emulate, but rather as a remarkable man who faced up to and dealt with his challenges and uncertainties successfully. What he did that evening was to open the door for me to come and talk with him when the need arose because he had experienced many of the same issues I was going to face as I grew up. It proved to be one of the most important nights of my life. John Young

Velan was a carpenter. He lived in a village along with his aged father, Kuppan. His mother had died a long time back. Kuppan was very weak, and he could not even walk well because Velan did not give him enough food. He had given his father a small earthen plate. Even a small quantity of rice in the plate appeared to be too much. Velan was a bad man and also a drunkard. After drinking, he abused his father badly. Velan had a son. His name was Muthu. Muthu was just ten years old and a very good boy. He loved his grandfather and had great respect for him. He did not like his father’s attitude and character, because his father treated his grandfather cruelly. One day Kuppan was eating his food out of the earthen plate and it fell from his hands and broke into pieces. The food also fell on the floor. Velan was working at the other end of the room, and he saw the broken plate. He

was very angry with his father and used very harsh words to abuse him. The old man felt bad about what had happened. He was sorry for his mistake, and Velan’s words wounded him very deeply. Velan’s son, Muthu, saw this. He did not like his father’s ill-treatment of his grandfather and was sad about it, but he was not strong enough to stand in support of his grandfather. He was afraid to speak against his father. The next day Muthu took some of his father’s carpentry tools and a piece of wood. He worked with the tools to make a wooden plate. His father saw him working. “What are you making, Muthu?” he asked. “I am making a wooden plate!” replied Muthu. “A wooden plate! What for?” asked his father.

“I am making it for you, father. When you grow old, like my grandfather, you will need a plate for food. A plate made from earth may break very easily. Then I may scold you severely. So, I want to give you a wooden plate. It may not break so easily.” The carpenter was shocked to hear this, and only now did he realize his mistake. His father had been kind to Velan and had looked after him very well. Now, he was old. Velan was treating his father poorly. Velan was now very sad about his own behavior. He realized his mistakes, and, from then on, he became a different person. From that day, Velan treated his father with great respect. He gave up drinking too. Velan learned a lesson from his own son. You should honor your parents at all times. It is your duty. It brings you their blessing. Fable (Anon.)

“This is when my anger issues start to increase, and I start having sudden, terrible outbursts...”

“It caused my father tremendous pain because I know, for him, it was not the easiest thing to send his son--one of his best friends--away for 60 days.”

The relationship between a father and son is complicated. There are times in a teenage boy’s life when he needs his mom more than his dad; then there are things that you tell your dad and really hope he does not tell your mother! Dads are also more straightforward and tough-loving in my experience. My father and I are quite close. We’ve spent countless summer weekends during the past 12 years going to lacrosse tournaments and practices. My father introduced to me to, and taught me, lacrosse, and, without it, I would not be the person I am today. My father pushed me into lacrosse because he played in high school and absolutely loved it. I did not like the idea because, when I was younger, I was fat. Lacrosse is the fastest game on two feet and, when I heard that, I died. He takes me to all of my tournaments and practices. During the spring he drives to every one of my games--a long drive for him just to see an hour of game play. This bond, resulting from lacrosse, is something that strengthens our relationship. It is the glue. The best thing about him being my coach when

I was younger was the brutally honest conversations about how I played my game, and how I could do better. The one thing I want from people is total honesty. There have also been some rough times in our relationship. I have grown up being the child who is a pain in the ass--the one who can never focus or finish a job. It is hard for me; things get hard, and I quit. That’s when things begin to get heated, and we start to argue. This is when my anger issues start to increase, and I start having sudden, terrible outbursts. This resulted in me getting sent oﬀ to get my act fixed. It caused my father tremendous pain because I know, for him, it was not the easiest thing to send his son--one of his best friends--away for 60 days. Even though he ruined the rest of my summer, he did the right thing for our family and for me. He did not do it out of hate; he did it out of love. I am proud of my dad and what he did. Growing up is hard; it is not easy raising a child either. I think being a father is one of the toughest jobs, because there aren’t any classes or books that can actually tell you what

is going to happen over the span of a child’s life. I think it is more improvisation than anything else. Fathers are supposed to tell you what to do and what not to do. For example, my father told me what to do on my first date: buying food for the girl, opening all the doors, and listening to what she had to say, even if I did not really care what she had to say. Fathers teach you the way to do things and how to become a real man, from fixing things without calling someone, to knowing how to handle “sticky” situations. My father never pushed me when I got older to keep playing lacrosse; he just wanted to make sure I was happy. This is what I think a relationship with a father should be like: learning how to do things the right way. It is also important to have arguments and for each person to say how he feels: being completely honest with your father, even if it gets you into trouble. It’s better for you to tell him what is happening instead of him finding out on his own and having to confront you about it.

Father-love like an umbrella, keeps out wind and rain for you; Father-love like rain, washes the mind for you; Father-love like a road, accompanies your walk through life. When there is fear, father-love is a tread-foot stone; When there is darkness, father-love is an illuminating lamp; When there is depletion, father-love is the bay water of life; When diligent, father-love is a spiritual aid; When successful, father-love encourages without fanfare. $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ Anonymous

I want my son be smarter than I am. And I won’t let him study outside of Korea. I will study hard to master English so that I will be able to teach him better than the public school does. It is very sad if you live far away from your own family; I don’t want that happen to my son as it did to me. I am having a pretty hard time living in a diﬀerent country, with a diﬀerent language, so my son will not have that happen to him. It is very hard to take a 13-hour airplane flight to get to America. My parents, who will be his grandparents, had a very hard time getting me here. They needed more money and spent a great deal of time researching because, unlike many people who have relatives in America, I am the first person who came here from my family. I am not good at exercise, so my son will probably not be good at exercise either. So I am going to let him be on a soccer team or basketball team when he is young and hope he might do better than I did. Finally I want him to have an easier life than I had. I will teach him how to fish indirectly.

(It is important to help children) realize that their parents make mistakes too, and are not superheroes. Rory Bosek Whenever I think about my dad, I can always feel the pressure that he generates. My father is the “crossbeam” of my family. He makes almost all the money for my family’s spending. My mom is a very conscientious housewife; she thinks her duty is taking care of the family’s daily life. I love both of them. My father’s ideas and decisions are always correct. No one in my family could question him. Therefore when I was young, I thought he was a despot. I did not like to spend much time with him because I could not have a say with him. He always told me every decision that he made, and if I asked him why, he would tell me that I will understand when I “grow up.” If I asked more, he would keep silent and use this “silence pressure” to make me shut up. Before I came to America for school, I thought the reason that he acted like a despot was because he thought I was just a little boy. If I grew up, he would discuss things with me and respect me. $ It is two years after I came to America, and I am a junior now. My dad still keeps his personality. He does what he does, and he still never explains his reasons to me. But the diﬀerence is he will listen to me now. Before, he always used his silence pressure to keep me quiet. But now, when he makes a decision about his business, I can tell him my ideas and views of his decisions, and dad will listen to me and won’t make me shut up. If I am on the right trail, he will smile and give some hint to me. If I am wrong, he will tell me and let me keep speculating. This change may not seems really big, but the truth is that it is a huge change for me. I think that the change began from the year before when dad realized that I could manage my own time, my spring break trips, and my international flight account. All these little things initiated the change. Maybe this is the “grow up” from dad’s mouth.

An old man was sitting in the courtyard of his house along with his son who had received a high education. Suddenly a crow perched on a wall of the house. The father asked the son, “What is that?” The son replied, “It is a crow.” After a little while the father again asked the son, “What is that?” The son said, “It is a crow.” $ After a few minutes the father asked his son the third time, “What is that?” The son said, “Father, I have just now told you that it is a crow.” After a little while, the old father again asked his son, for the fourth time, “What is that?” This time, the son rebuﬀed his father with irritation. “Father! It is a crow, a crow! Father, you are always repeating the same question, although I have told you so many times that it is a crow. Are you not able to understand this?” $ The father went to his room and came back with an old diary. Opening a page he asked his son to read what was written. The son read the following words: “Today my little son was sitting with me in the courtyard, when a crow appeared. My son asked me twenty-five times what it was, and I told him twenty-five times that it was a crow, and I did not feel at all irritated. Rather, I felt aﬀection for my innocent child and thought how lively and sensible my son was as well, every time.” Fable (Anon.)

I lived inside a shell, not unlike a large egg that was invisible to those around me. They thought they conversed with the real me. But I was nowhere in sight then, at 22: a flunky who might pay for my impotent revenge with my life. $ So I worked, went back to school, went into therapy and, on the surface did good-boy stuﬀ, as I always had. Everyone thought I was better--getting responsible. Then the army called, and Viet Nam reared its fanged head. $ At induction, the slow-witted boys became Marines and I, with $40, six pairs of underwear and socks in a gym bag, await my fate. . . $ But days before, the shell had cracked open and, over many years would flake away, first breached by an “I love you” I could finally feel, cracked forever by my father’s fearsome hug as he wept into my shoulder, “I just don’t want you to die.” Anonymous

“I looked at the grey, cold, unfriendly sky that looked the same as a black and white photo. You can't even know how happy I was!”

$ I remember us going down the road in my dad’s old car; music and voices were all around us. It was a skiing trip we took together when I was 8. The music was playing very loud; we were listening to the Doors, and my dad was shaking his head to the sweet, soothing groove just like he used to 20 years ago. To him, nothing seemed to have changed--except me. The car was freezing cold. I was breathing into my scarf. It slowly became warm and wet, but quickly it became cold and wet. We had some tea with us, but I could not drink it because it had bourbon in it, and I was too small for such alcohol, so I decided to think of something else beside the surrounding freeze. I looked at the grey, cold, unfriendly sky that looked the same as a black and white photo. You can't even know how happy I was! The frigidness helped me realize how cozy I was in this old, rusty car. The sounds of music seemed to get even louder and, when I turned back to glimpse my old man, what I saw was my dad almost dancing in the driver’s seat with a huge smile on his face and a green apple in his left hand. We were headed into the utter depth of our endless, deserted country. It was a journey of grey and yellow colors...

Before you cross the street Take my hand, Life is what happens to you While you’re busy Making other plans, John Lennon “Beautiful Boy”

Photo: Rachel Elliott