blunter e-man

e-man

anderson

Q&A dave carnies

whalecock bluntervol1issue1$1000

100%Toxic paper terren gomez

StepChild_Markku_Stian_Blunter_Ad.indd 1-2

11/12/09 11:22:30 AM

stepchild

eman

ANDE RSON Q&A

with david brocklebank

Blunter Interview Nig,How drunk are you right now?

Not very. maybe a little bit.... I got slam drunk last night

If you wern’t a broke ass dirtbag snowboarder what the fuck would you be doing right now?

I’d probably be growing copeyess amounts of weed and workin in the bush with my brother.

Would you fuck an animal?

I really don’t think id be down with that.....thats fucked buddy!

Roll Models?

Scotty Wittlake, Sean Johnson (before and after the whiskey videos). Most of my friends, my familie, any shred thats been putting out good parts for more then a couple years........jp, j. jones, d walsh, you know, those kinds of dudes.

How gay is snowboarding?

So gay it probably has aids or hepathites or some shit. Snowboarding has been gettin butt throbbed pretty hard for the last couple years with all these triple sowcow nose scooter swivle stick triple change up double corks out wartypickle revert backcountry and shit....... We are turning into a whistler stepchild combination of aeriel skiers and rollerbladers. What ever happened to gangsta ass front boards and cab threes and shit.

How many times you been to the drunk tank? And why? once... I think.Trying to fight three bouncers in front of some bar inv whistler cause they where beating up my buddy (Brockelbank), I choked one of them out and then somehow got away. for some

reason I just hung out outside of the bar till the cops showed up and took me and brockle away. They let us share a cell and we sang christmas carolls all night...... one of the best nights of my life.

How often do you steal from Whistler Blackcomb cafetreia?

What? Never! I don’t steal! I thought the banana bread was free.

What the fuck is GNARCORE?

Gnarcore is our crew/website.

Its for real motherfuckers that snowboard...... If you don’t know already you are obviously retarded.

Go bust a load at gnarcore.com and see for your selfs, fuck.

fs7 tail whistler backcountry stepchild

“if you dont already know,

you are obviously retarded�

fs1080 blckcomb park stepchild

Is the true reason you ride for Stepchild Snowboards because Boozy the Clown runs that shit?

Absofuckinlutly! He pays me in whiskey, how could I say no to that.

Does the crew your riding with effect your snowboarding?

I don’t know. thats a stupid question, I just shred.

Riding with Brian Mcclatchy and Graydon Kavanagh back in the day definetly affected my boarding. I am where I am because of those guys...no homo.

Whats up with you getting your ass kicked all the time?

Rye + gingerale= E-man picking fights with the biggest guys around and loosing miserably every time because he is so fuckin drunk he cant even walk. Does that answer your question? I havent been to the bar since I got fucked up by a full on gang from east van, they were all wearing these t-shirts that sayd killers on the back.

Heard you got in a fight with Andrew Geeves? Who won?

It wasn’t a fight. We where drunkin play fighting and it just kinda escaladed into me getting an Andrew Geeves haymacker in the nose. I bled like a motherfucker. Me and Geeves are super tight now, it only made us better of friends.

Where the fuck is Brian McClatchy?

For those of you who dont know about Brian Mcclatchy, i’ll tell you. Hes the fuckin DON MECA of this snowboard game. He was switch nosepressing reverting out every way, Fakie hard way 27vs in and out, switch back lips threw kinks before you were born. American Idol!!! Hes still way better then your favorite little corporate sell out fuckin pro snowboarder. Still, Always, Forever, number one in there hearts. Hes living in Vancouver, destroying the skate seen.

swbs5-0 180out cuba videograb.brocklebank

Did “This Video Suck”?

I was super stoked on everyones part, not so stoked on the the super cheese voice overs...... tripod of homies!!!!.....bahahahah (sorry Joe)

Has having your part in a major video gotten you even more poon?

Its definetly flowing in like a fresh moutain stream.

Im not sure if being in a major video really changed the flow or not but its definetly flowing.

After repeatedly hitting your head last season you ever get dizzy or notice the effects?

No

Pabst or Popper?

Poppers.

Canada or USA? Canada.

Banana or OG? Og.

Punk or Rap? G rap.

Micheal Jackson or OJ Simpson?

Oj Simpson.

Jp Walker or Nate Bozung?

Sorry Jp but i gotta say Bozung.

fs9 tahoe backcountry terren gomez

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my whaleCOCK

I actually own a whale’s cock. It’s not a real one, it’s just a replica. Of an Orca’s cock actually. The sea wolf. I ordered it off this web site called zetacreations.com. Animal cocks, that’s all they sell. They got deer cocks, bear cocks, fox cocks, dog cocks, horse cocks, hyena cocks (ha, that one’s a laugh), tiger cocks, lion cocks, ram cocks, dolphin cocks, raccoon cocks and even kangaroo cocks. All of them are actual size except for the orca cock. It’s an imposing 15 inches (as the site says, “Just don’t blame us if you get carried away and don’t walk right for a week ;)” The emoticon is theirs), but I think a real orca cock is somewhere around three feet long. I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend to take the thing up the ass so I can take pictures to use for an ad, but she’s not having it.

The orca cock, however, is a real lightweight when it comes to whale cocks. The very first whale cock I ever saw was a picture of a five-and-a-half footer preserved in formaline in the Icelandic Phallological Museum in Reykjavik. It’s a penis museum. Unfortunately there is actually little known about the whale’s mating habits and so photos and information about their cocks is scarce. I’ve read, for instance, that a blue whale’s penis is 16 feet long. And while I have no doubt that the largest animal on earth has the largest penis on earth, the most impressive package to me belongs to the right whale.

The right whale’s cock measures in at around eight feet, just half the size of the blue whale’s member. Unlike the blue whale, however, whose testicles weigh “only” 25 pounds each, the right whale’s balls weigh a staggering half-ton each. Yes, that’s a ton of balls. They’re like little Volkswagons.

A child could climb around in them. And, in my opinion, an eight-foot-cock with a 2000 lb. nutsack hanging from it is far more impressive than a 16-foot wind sock and a couple of grapes. Any way you look at it, the whale’s cock is fuckin’ huge. There’s actually an interesting theory why a whale’s twigs and berries are so large.

Roger Short, a British biologist, noticed something peculiar about ape anatomy.

Chimpanzees have gigantic testicles, while gorillas, who are four times bigger than chimps, have tiny little balls. He wondered if it didn’t have something to do with the mating system. Female chimps mate with many male chimps, while male gorillas have a harem and a sexual monopoly over a group of gorilla bitches. Short theorized that the bigger the balls in a species, the more polygamous (slutty) the females were in that species.

“The reason is easy to see,” writes Matt Ridley in The Red Queen. “If a female animal mates with several males, then the sperm from each male competes to reach her eggs first; the best way for a male to bias the race in his favor is to produce more sperm and swamp the competition.” In other words: bigger sperm factories.

Not a lot is known about whale and dolphin fucking, but thanks to whaling, we know that they all have disproportionately huge nuts. Using the chimp/gorilla model one could surmise, then, that female whales are sluts. And so far, from what little has been seen of whale sex, this is true.

Male dolphins, for instance, gang rape fertile female dolphins. (I don’t know about you, but that really ruined my image of the gentle dolphin. Flipper was a rapist?) “On a slut-related note,” Dr. Phil Clapham, a whale biologist, writes, “it is anatomically possible for female right whales to mate with two males at the same time, and this has been seen on occasion. One male will lie on each side and the tip of each penis enters the female at the same time.”

So there you go, whale cocks are the biggest penises on earth, their balls are the biggest testicles on earth and, one could surmise, their cunts, seeing as they can take two whale cocks at a time, are probably the biggest vaginas in the fuckin’ galaxy.

Wow, double penny whale porn.

by Dave Carnie

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