FROM THE BOSSMAN

BY ALLAN SKO [ALLAN@BMAMAG.COM]

All The Small Things

It’s coming up to that time of year where we start thinking big. Big footy finals, big Floriadal flower displays, big lists of three. But, as cited in The Book Of Blink, Chapter 1, Verse 82, we should not forget about all the small things. Those crucial bits of everyday detritus that are so easily overlooked, but are always, just, there

5c Pieces

Good news, everyone! I’ve solved our inflation crisis. And it’s all due to our humble, oft-maligned friends: the 5 cent piece.

In a world of touch-free transactions—where purchases are made with a series of disturbing eye tics—the 5c piece seems more anachronistic than ever. I know a person who simply throws their 5c pieces away. I mean, what can you get with five cents? We should send them the way of the 1c and 2c pieces and phase them out.

Heck, why stop there? Cast 10c, 20c and 50c discs into the fires of irrelevance while we’re at it. Let the smallest denomination be $1, making us all feel rich and slightly confused when buying 20c lollies.

Well, no. The 5c piece is the ant of the denominational world. By itself, it is small. Weak. Pitiful, even. But together? They are Legion. Just think of all the discarded fivers adorning wallets, purses, old jeans, and sofa cracks the land over. If we gathered together all the discarded 5c pieces across the land, we’d solve our debt crisis. Look after the pennies, and all that shit.

Paperclips

Back in 2004, I bought a box of paperclips. About a year ago, I was shocked to discover they had finally ran out.

I fell into a state of mourning. Sure, I didn’t pay them as much attention as I could have. They had always, just, been there.

And now they’re gone. So now I wander lonely as a loose sheaf of paper, tumbling from room to room, searching for a paperclip that isn’t there. I stubbornly refuse to buy another kitten. I mean box. No, this isn’t about something else, SHUT UP YOU’RE CRYING.

Soy Packets

On the rare occasion we manage to stem our urge for arteryclogging grease of a lunch hour, we indulge in being good little souls by getting some super healthy sushi.

As semi-regular sushi-goers know, everything comes with those little plastic fishies filled with soy sauce. I mean ev-er-ree-thing. I once went to nick a napkin to wipe my nose. The eagle-eyed server saw me and immediately flyballed a soy-fish pack expertly into my top pocket.

If you’re like me, you rarely use all the soy. But you’ll be damned if you simply throw it away. ‘I’ll use it one day’, you tell yourself, knowing all-too-well it will rest on your desk, or swim lifelessly in the back cupboard, until the end of time.

Until they wind up in the sea. And the brutal irony of a fish made of plastic is not lost on me. They will take over the oceans from real fish at around the same time humans will be replaced by A.I.

McDonald’s Napkins

I mean, they’re just always there, aren’t they? The final shot of humanity’s demise will be of a barren landscape, with McDonald’s napkins tumbleweeding gleefully across the frame.

And this is just a sample. So if you catch yourself taking such things for granted, be aware. Take a moment to give thanks.

For, as it is written in The Book Of Blink:

Though size and usage may be small

They surely will outlast us all

Royale With Cheese / The Ultimate ‘90s Rock Show / Sat, 22 July / The Basement

Growing in popularity and volume with each passing year, Royale With Cheese is Australia’s premier ‘90s rollicking party show, playing rock and pop covers – including Seattle-sound to grunge to Britpop to all the best Oz Rock – from one of the greatest and most influential decades in rock music. Comprised of five experienced musicians, the ‘Cheese bring all your favourite ‘90s covers from Nirvana to Spice Girls and everything inbetween. Come as you are to smash pumpkins and Rage Against The 90s! From 7pm, tix are $51 via Oztix

CBR’s Napoleon Ice Cream and friends are gifting us the chance to enjoy more diverse representation in Aussie rock and pop. There’s Anna Elisara, originally from Aoteara NZ, kicking off the eve with her indie folk, jazz-rock inspired acoustic originals. Improvisational duo Mirror Mirror enthrall one ‘n’ all with folk pop-rock originals and unique covers. Self-proclaimed “four confused Aussie Asian nerds” Napoleon Ice Cream bring catchy hooks and insatiable rock grooves. And 6-piece Latin trop-rock band Chicharrita Club journeys us to the roots of Peruvian psychedelic rock. 7pm - 11pm, $20/$15 via venue

11th International Blues Music Day / 9 acts, 2 stages, 1 day / Sat, 5 Aug / Harmonie German Club

Canberra Blues Society celebrates the 11th International Blues Music Day with nine fantastic acts across two stages. Featuring Sweet Patooties, Chloe Kay & The Crusade, Moondog, Dean Edgecombe & The Seventh Sons, Angel Lount & Leo Joseph, and The Specialties. Add to this a Hot Rod display, and specialty market stalls from 1pm to 5pm, spiffy raffle prizes, and CBS members lucky door prize, and you have yourself a day out! Music from 3pm in the Zeppelin Room & 3.30pm in The Keller Bar; tickets $45 - $30 + bf via Humanitix (Under 12s get in for free!)

Writer, musician, and modern day nomad, Spaceman Africa, turns hilarious life experiences into unique compositions. To whit, the story of legally changing his name to Spaceman after a drunken bender in Ireland. With a guitar in one hand and a punchline in the other, SA is joined by his band, Spaceman Africa The Musical, blending the infectious energy of rock with comedy aplenty. That’s right; it’s Rock ‘n’ LOL. His songs serve as a sonic time machine, transporting you to his most ridiculous moments, from a horny German truck driver to a regretful turn at fire breathing. 3pm - 5pm, $15/$10 via venue

Simply

I Touch Myself, Boys in Town, Pleasure and Pain... With 25 singles and five bestselling albums of the ‘80s and ‘90s to choose from, Simply Divinyls immaculately, and lovingly, recreate an authentic tribute to the legendary Australian rock band. The exceptional 6-piece recreates the distinctive sound of The Divinyls, replete with Chrissy Amphlett’s torched vocals, in an unparalleled display of all the energy and raw rock you would expect at a Divinyls show. With an electric support set by MINX, expect the very best songs from female rock legends. 7pm, $37.83 via Eventbrite

By age 12, Nathan Cavaleri found himself at the centre of a bidding war between the labels of Michael Jackson, Prince, and Madonna. By age 16, he’d toured with B.B. King as his guest, and played at the Kennedy Centre in front of The Clintons with Etta James and Bonnie Raitt. Now in 2023, fans can expect a live performance illustrating the depths of his career through songs and storytelling, waxing lyrical on overcoming adversity through courage and authenticity. 8pm, $45$55 via bf via Canberra Ticketing