BN1 MAGAZINE DECEMBER 2019

BN1 MAGAZINE

THE GUIDE TO BRIGHTON & HOVE DEC 2019

e v i t s Feition Ed

Your Music Career Starts Here Join the most exciting industry in the world bimm.ac.uk/brighton/open-days

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Welcome to the December edition of BN1 Magazine...

It’s been a funny old year, and here’s just a few of the things we were talking about: Colleen Rooney PI. Prince Andrew not sweating. Brexit not happening. Fleabag’s hot priest. Boris Johnson bluffing.

GOT finally ending - Likewise Big Bang Theory. England winning the Cricket World Cup. Brexit not happening. Hands free Keanu Reeves. Queen Olivia Coleman. Another royal baby. Sub-2 hour marathon. Trump impeachment. Joke., England lose Rugby World Cup. RIP Rip Thorn. No more PPI ads! First 5G phones. Brexit not happening. Sandra Oh bowing. 10 Year Challenge. England Women lose Football World Cup. Lizzo played the flute. RIP Toni Morrison. Kevin Hart’s driving.

Killing Eve 2. England lose Netball World Cup. What will 2020 bring? Damned if we know. Nothing is certain anymore. Hopefully a better government!

NEWSDESK/ GENERAL ENQUIRIES: BN1 MAGAZINE Unit 28, Floor 6, New England House, New England Street, Brighton, BN1 4GH 01273 022991 info@bn1magazine.co.uk

EDITOR IN CHIEF: CHRIS SADLER chris@bn1magazine.co.uk EDITOR: STUART ROLT stuart@bn1magazine.co.uk MARKETING & SALES: sales@bn1magazine.co.uk Louisa Streeting

CONTRIBUTORS: Charlotte Beldham / Louisa Streeting / Jess English / City Books Team / Simon Lightfoot / Thom Punton / Carly-May Kavanagh / Kahina Bouhassane William Clay / John Burton / Mark Davis Josie Kennedy COVER: BURNING THE CLOCKS ARTWORK BY GRAHAM CARTER

Internships and Job opportunities: Want to become part of the BN1 Magazine team, gain valuable media skills or submit articles, content and images?

Various internships are available for local writers, photographers, marketing, sales, creative types and enthusiasts to join Brighton’s leading culture and events magazine! Just email your CV and a little about yourself to: info@bn1magazine.co.uk

Book Powerful Print and Digital publicity campaigns with BN1 Magazine: 1) Convenient size and very accessible across the city 2) Engaged and captivated audience of readers & followers 3) A physical and tangible medium that people keep 4) A direct impact on the local community

WE WILL HELP YOU GET YOUR EVENT, BUSINESS OR BRAND IN FRONT OF TENS OF THOUSANDS ACROSS BRIGHTON & HOVE! BN1 Magazine is firmly established as the main culture and events guide for Brighton & Hove, distributed in hundreds of venues and prominent stands every month.

Promote your business or event in BN1 Magazine with a tailored campaign to suit all budgets through our print and digital strategies. Contact one of our team today on 01273 022991 or message: sales@bn1magazine.co.uk to find out how we can help you stand out from the crowd.

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All rights reserved including rights of reproduction and use in any form or by any means, including the making of copies by any photo process or by any electronic or mechanical device (printed, written or oral), unless permission in writing is obtained from the copyright proprietor. All textual content, design graphics, images and specific photographs used in the magazine are copyright © BN1 Media Ltd 2019.

BN1 Magazine has taken every reasonable care to ensure the information contained within this periodical is accurate on the date of publication. It is advisable that you verify any information before relying upon it. BN1 Magazine accepts no responsibility for the consequences of error or for any damage or loss suffered by users of the information, materials or third parties featured within this magazine.

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News Bad Cracker Jokes WIN Party Package for 4 Aitch interview Music Previews Pizzagirl interview Sustainable Christmas Xmas TV guide Sirona Thorneycroft interview December film guide BN1’s Christmas quiz Truth? Dare?

Pier Nine launch Lava Elastic interview Comedy guide Al Murray interview Theatre guide Cosy Spots guide Shop local guide Regency Town House The Good Books List Dover Castle review Christmas granola recipe Festive facts Mulled wine recipes Crossword - WIN £25 voucher

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NEWS

BURNING THE CLOCKS 2019 STARTS ON NEW ROAD // SAT 21 DEC, 6.30PM A spectacular and unique community event, Burning the Clocks brings the whole city together to mark the shortest day of the year. It sees local people construct paper and willow lanterns, then parade through the city.

It not only lights up Brighton’s darkest night, but offers a time for reflection and thought, who are we? Where have we been? Where are we going? What do we want for our City?

This iconic parade hosts 2,000 participants, with a further 20,000 spectators, but relies on fundraising and the support of local businesses to cover rising running costs. A crowdfunding scheme has been launched, rewarding people with different prizes based on donation size. These include fabulous personalised lanterns for the parade, limited-edition A2 prints of our incredible cover by local artist Graham Carter and many gifts from local businesses. Donors can also receive VIP passes to watch the event from a prime location on the beach.

A range of restaurants across the city are also offering dining experiences for people donating between £105 and £155, including Chilli Pickle, Kooks, Terre a Terre, Moshimo and The Ivy in the Lanes, while Brighton Dome is offering four tickets to the Super Sunday Christmas show to the person that donates £135 or more.

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Since 1993, Burning the Clocks has brought an uplifting antidote to the excesses of a commercial Christmas.

Each lantern maker is part of the show, investing their lanterns with their wishes, hopes, and fears and then passing them into a huge bonfire on Brighton beach.

This year’s theme is a reflective one, responding to the current challenges of global warming, community cohesion and migration. The title is taken from Marcel Proust's masterpiece "A la recherche du temps perdu". The theme relates to shared memories, lost things, things we want to keep and treasure and moments that we hold dear and that have "made us". Above all how we all have a common humanity forged by sharing our lives, loves and memories.

Find out more, at: www.crowdfunder.co.uk/ burning-the-clocks-2019 Limited-edition A2 Print

By Graham Carter

BRIGHTON MARINA FRI 20 – TUES 24 DEC

A family extravaganza is heading to Brighton Marina this winter. This free, fully immersive experience is inspired by two popular family Christmas films. It’ll see the Village transformed into a fantasy world where you’ll walk through a tree-lined route, through the Wardrobe and into a Frozen world. Children can interact with Princesses, Snowmen, Lions, Fauns and Ice Queens, have their photo taken and dress up as their favourite character.

There’ll be snow machines, food and drink stalls selling hot chocolate, mulled wine, roasted chestnuts and lots of other Christmas-inspired themes, as well as rides for the children.

Throughout the day there will be onstage performances with the characters and music from bands and choirs plus a free daily raffle with great prizes!

CHESTNUT TREE HOUSE – THE SNOWMAN™ SPECTACULAR CHRISTMAS APPEAL 2019 "Our son Theo lived for 6 weeks and 2 days. We spent the last month of his short life together at CTH children’s hospice.

It felt like home. There were no sterilised corridors, tubes, or machines beeping. A lovely nurse greeted us, and gave Theo a brand-new cot and teddy bear.

CTH showed us how to care for Theo. Thanks to them we can remember the times we fed him, changed him, sang songs, took him to the zoo. Every day at CTH became a precious memory.

Today I’d like to ask for your help in bringing a spectacular experience to all the children this wonderful local charity will be caring for this Christmas.

The Snowman™ leads the campaign to find the £116,450 CTH will spend on care for children over the holidays. One hour’s nursing care costs £35.70. A gift from you could allow another child, another family, to have precious moments together, that will become treasured memories. To donate, visit: www.justgiving.com/Chestnut-Christmas-2019. Every best wish to you and your family," Chantelle.

ROYAL PAVILION ICE RINK

ROYAL PAVILION // 2 NOV - 19 JAN MON-SUN 10AM - 10PM

© By Andrew Hasson

A MAGICAL WINTER WONDERLAND

Bring out your inner Torvill and Dean this winter, as Brighton stunning ice rink returns to the grounds of The Royal Pavilion. Set in the shadow of Brighton & Hove’s most recognisable building, this is a spectacular backdrop for some skating fun. Suitable for all skill levels, this is the perfect festive activity for a cold winter’s evening. The attraction’s ever-popular bar and restaurant has also returned, offering a twinkling, romantic, childfriendly, rink-side eatery with that incredible view…

BRIGHTON'S BIG SLEEP OUT SAT 7 DEC // HOVE LAGOON

The global fight against homelessness continues.

Raising awareness and funds to tackle the issue both locally and internationally, The World's Big Sleep Out is asking people to spend just one night under the stars as an act of solidarity. Taking place on Sat 7 Dec at Hove Lagoon, the local strand will be splitting money raised equally between Sussex charities helping rough sleepers and people suffering from homelessness and organisations helping some of the 70.1 million people displaced globally.

The aim is to raise a target of $50,000,000 through the World’s Big Sleep Out campaign. It’s estimated this would go on to help around 1,000,000 homeless and displaced people. Homelessness in the west is currently at crisis point and steadily worsening. Sleeping on the streets damages mental and physical health.

As well as local groups, Big Sleep Out are working with UNICEF USA to support children and families who are displaced. Today’s refugee and migrant crisis is the worst since World War II. Millions of children and families have been driven from their homes by conflict, poverty or disaster and far too many encounter danger, detention, deprivation and discrimination on their journeys.

Find out more at bigsleepout.com

BRIGHTON FRINGE 2020

1-31 MAY // CITY WIDE FRIENDS OF FRINGE 8

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THE TREASON SHOW: THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS ’19 FRI 27 – MON 30 DEC THE OLD SHIP HOTEL

It’s been a quiet year in British culture and politics, so The Treason Show are taking December off. Not really, 2019 has been absurd on a number of levels, and The Treason Show have been tearing into the great and the not so good. Now they present their That Was The Year That Was ’19 show. A compilation of the best bits from the last few months, plus a few surprises and a bit of festive cheer. This much-loved local institution is a satirical show which pulls no punches. Now they present a review of a somewhat turbulent year, one laden with madness and mayhem in the worlds of politics, news and sport – so halcyon days for The Treason Show.

We saw the end of the Maybot and the arrival of a new dog in Downing Street (and Dylan). Trump continuing to be madder than a box of frogs, whilst Obi Wan Corbyn is shunned as leader of a rebel alliance by new Lib Dem leader 'Yoda’ Swinson. Also, The Queen was lied to, her husband Phil the Greek took up ‘old banger’ racing and Arlene Foster’s drag tribute to Rev Ian Paisley. And all this without even mentioning the ‘B’ word! Yes, that too, plus of course the ’small’ matter of a General Election.

These times are what The Treason Show is for, they’ll make you laugh your troubles away.

England’s largest arts festival is back from 1-31 May. If you’d like to perform at the Fringe, time is running out to register, with 17 January being the deadline to do so. This year there are 20 bursaries being offered to new and returning participants, providing a total of over £19,000 to help put on an event and launch a career in the arts. This includes our very own BN1 bursary. You can become a Friend of Brighton Fringe to receive exclusive offers as well as year-round deals throughout Brighton. For details of all the above and more, visit: https://www.brightonfringe.org/ © Husker Du, oil, paper on canvas, 2004

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MAKE YOUR OWN CRACKERS AND FILL THEM WITH OUR

BAD CRACKER JOKES

ort for? He’s

What’s E.T. sh

s.

got short leg

Why is it get ting so hard to calendars?

Their days ar buy Advent e numbered .

Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy.

How does Darth Vader like his Christmas turkey? On the dark side.

How did the cheese maker paint his wife? He Double Gloucester.

What do you get if you eat Christmas decoration

s? Tinsillitis.

photos didn't arrive? "One day my

What did Cinderella say when her

prints will come!"

Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught.

How did Mary and Joseph work out that baby Jesus was 7lb 8oz?

They had a weigh in a manger.

What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes. cker.

ed dating? He pulled a cra

ristmas when he went spe

Ch What happened to Father

How much did Father Christmas pay for his sleigh? Nothing, it was on the house.

What kind of car do elves like to drive? A Toy-ota.

What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas

What’s the m

ost popular

Christmas ca

What does Father Christmas do with fat elves? Sends them to an elf farm.

rol in the Sah

ara Desert?

What's a horse's favourite

What do you call someone that doesn’t believe in Father Christmas?

A rebel without a Claus. (Bah-humbug is also an acceptable answer).

dinner? Roast twerky.

Oh camel ye

faithful.

.

TV program? Neigh-bours

Why can't a bike stand up by itself? It's two-tyred.

(That’s factually correct too, as well as dynamite word play).

What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap.

Why does Father Christmas have three gardens? So he can ho-ho-ho.

Why did nobody bid for

Rudolph and Blitzen on

How will Brexit change Christmas dinner? There

eBay? They were two

’ll be no Brussels!

deer.

7 days a week, anytime (Add ÂŁ2.50 for Patty Pils Lager)

Patty & Bun | 56 Ship St | BN1 1AF | 01273 729388 pattyandbun.co.uk brighton@pattyandbun.co.uk @pattyandbunjoe

@pattyandbun

*conditions apply

WIN PARTY PACKAGE: ESCAPE ROOM GAME, AXE THROWING AND MEAL FOR 4!

On the first Thursday of every month, Buckbuck Games (described as being “Crystal Maze on crystal meth”) are welcomed inhouse by North Laine Brewhouse to provide customers with an immersive and interactive experience like no other, The Hunt for the Smoking Caterpillar. Throw yourselves down the rabbit hole for an hour, as you undertake an adventure that combines immersive theatre, escape room clues, murder mystery, and hilarious team activities as you take on curious challenges in a bid to find the Smoking Caterpillar.

Become a Wonderhunter and receive your welcome drink from the Baron of New Wonderland, plus a sack full of golds with which you may trade, bid, bribe, barter and blackmail. Your team may employ numerous strategies to hunt down ‘Russell’ the caterpillar, search through cryptic boxes, interrogate curious

characters, solve clues, complete secret missions, even compete in the beauty pageant!

BN1, together with Buckbuck Games and North Laine Brewhouse, are offering the chance for you and three friends to enjoy this madcap adventure, as well as a meal and an axe-throwing session!

This prize, worth nearly £200, can be yours for free, simply by answering the following question, by the end of December. To enter, head to: www.bn1magazine.co.uk.

Terms and conditions apply.

Who wrote the classic 1865 novel, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland?

A) Lewis Carroll B) Andy Carroll C) Carol Vorderman For more information on The Hunt for the Smoking Caterpillar, Axe throwing and North Laine Brewhouse visit bn1magazine.co.uk

WIN CHAMPAGNE AFTERNOON TEA AT THE IVY IN THE LANES Start your New Year in style with The Ivy in the Lanes’ Champagne Afternoon Tea. The restaurant is offering a lucky pair to win a voucher to enjoy freshly prepared sandwiches, delicious desserts and a selection of teas and coffees, along with a glass of The Ivy Champagne.

In the meantime, did you know The Ivy in the Lanes have adding special Christmas cocktails to their menu this season?

‘Porto Flip’, ‘Gingerbread Latte’, ‘Roasted Chestnut Julep’ and ‘Mulled Cider’ are available until Wednesday, 1 January, alongside their ‘Snowball Fight’ dessert.

This afternoon tea package valued at £28.50 per person is served daily at the restaurant between 3pm and 5pm.

The brasserie’s first costal location has an informal yet sophisticated interior featuring Brighton-inspired artwork, all set against a backdrop of leather banquettes, a striking onyx bar and pendant lighting.

Deadline for entries is 31 December 2019. Head to www.bn1magazine.co.uk to enter now!

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Terms & conditions The voucher admits a party of two people to have Champagne Afternoon Tea at The Ivy in the Lanes, Brighton only.

It can be used from 5 Jan 2020 and is valid for two months until 5 March 2020.

Students get 20% off CHRISTMAS Parties at DONATELLO WHEN BOOKING FOR MON - WED ONLY BETWEEN 1ST TO 23RD DECEMBER CALL 01273 775477 and QUOTE STUDENT CHISTMAS PARTY (student ID on night) WWW.DONATELLO.CO.UK

The smash hit review of the year

THE TREASON SHOW The Latest

The Argus

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS

27 - 30 December

The Old Ship Hotel Brighton

Meal deal - 2 course dinner & show - £39 Book online

WWW.TREASONSHOW.CO.UK

BN1 CHATS WITH...

AITCH

BY CHARLOTTE BELDHAM

I

n the music industry you occasionally get an artist that seems to appear and rise to the top from what feels like nowhere. Aitch is a 19-year-old rapper from Manchester that seems to have done just that. Whether you’ve heard his voice featured on a fellow artist’s track, or you have come across his huge track Taste (make it shake), you are likely to have asked yourself – who is Aitch?

Rightly so, there has been a lot of hype surrounding the teenager. His latest EP Aitch20, which was released in September of this year, dominated the UK album chart and reached number three. “Yeah, it’s gone mad! Everyone has loved the record.” It has been hugely praised by the media and showcases his talent for putting together catchy beats and sing-able lyrics. Featuring fellow artists Mostack, ZieZie, and Steel Banglez, he has clearly concreted himself within the UK ‘rap-sphere’. Along the way, he has caught the attention of BBC Radio 1’s Annie Mac, 'god of grime' Wiley, and the mighty Stormzy.

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The rise of underground British grime in recent years has paved the way for young artists to make their names heard and influenced the sound of music today. Aitch weaves together bass-heavy, steady beats with catchy vocals, making his songs unable to sit still to. A prime example is the hit single Buss Down, which is almost impossible to resist, with its catchy chorus which stays with you all day.

His lyrics add to his personality. The party-boy, ‘ultra-lad’ persona shines through in a typical grime style, with his thick northern accent very much present.

The young star is hugely proud of his Mancunian background. “I do miss Manchester when I’m on tour. I obviously miss my family, but I’m here right now so it’s all good.” Born in New Moston within the city of Manchester, he grew up far from the emerging music scene in London. However, he joined a new wave of talent that grew in the north of England and following the release of his first single Straight Rhymez in 2018 he has never looked back. As a young ‘Manny’ schoolboy he shocked

“

Haha yeah it was mental! I just woke up one morning and it was on Instagram.

No one had asked him to do it or anything. It was sick.

“

kids in the playground with his ability to spit lyrics and knew from that point it was what he was destined to do. I asked him where he would like to be in five years' time. "I’d love to be the biggest rapper in the UK.” He’s aiming high. I asked what it was like to see local legend Robbie Williams lip-syncing the words to Aitch's single Taste on social media earlier this year. “Haha yeah it was mental!

I just woke up one morning and it was on Instagram. No one had asked him to do it or anything. It was sick.”

Aitch appeared alongside rappers Stormzy and Jaykae on a remix of Ed Sheeran’s track Take me Back to London earlier this year.

“Ed hit me up on Instagram and asked if Jaykae and I wanted to be on his song. And of course, I said yes! I rang up JayKae and asked, ‘have you heard from Ed?’ Before we knew it, we were filming the music video in Birmingham.” The global platform Sheeran has, and the endorsement which came with his appearance on the track, made people sit up and take note of the young rapper.

He is heading down to Brighton as part of his massive UK tour, playing Concorde 2 on the Tue 10 Dec. “It’s exciting! It’s the day after my birthday so It should be a good show.”

I asked him what it is he loves about the city of Brighton & Hove. “What a crazy place. We have seen some mad stuff in Brighton haha.

It always goes off when we play down there.”

Aitch will be at Brighton’s Concorde 2 on Tue 10 Dec.

Chrismas `e Big Christmas Singalong!

Wed 4 Dec

Christmas Concert Sun 8 Dec

Tales Around the Tree Wed 18–Fri 20 Dec

Backstage Tour at Christmas Sat 21 Dec

`e Snowman & Paddington Bear’s First Concert (pictured) Sun 15 Dec

Super Sunday 17–27 Dec

`e Wizard of Oz Sat 28–Sun 29 Dec

brightondome.org 01273 709709 © Snowman Enterprises Limited The Snowman

MUSIC PREVIEWS EMELI SANDÉ

THURS 5 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

BAND OF SKULLS

TUE 3 DEC // CONCORDE 2

L’ÉPÉE

© By Richard DUMAS

Celebrating the tenth anniversary of their hugely popular debut album, Baby Darling Doll Face Honey, this second UK tour of 2019 for Band of Skulls will see them play the album live in its entirety. It is also likely to feature music from their newly released fifth studio album, the Richard X produced Love Is All You Love, described

by Classic Rock as “prowling pop perfection…. the most harmonious clash of muck and melody in recent history."

SUN 8 DEC // CONCORDE 2 L’Épée, is an exciting new collaboration built on three legendary backgrounds: French garage pop and psyche duo the Limiñanas, star of French and American cinema Emmanuelle Seigner, and mercurial man of rock, founder of the Brian Jones Town Massacre, Anton Newcombe. Their bilingual, border-crossing debut record Diabolique, has received rave reviews, with comparisons being made to both Serge Gainsbourg and the Velvet Underground. Sultry Gallic cool meets Californian rock royalty: I’m in.

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Multi-platinum, award-winning singersongwriter, Emeli Sandé, is embarking on a UK-wide tour to celebrate the release of her much anticipated third album, Real Life. After the success of her first two albums, her third may even be her best yet. With a pop-based feel, the album also demonstrates influences from reggae, blues, disco and gospel. With a further collection of hits to draw upon including huge singles such as Heaven and Next to Me, this is sure to be a crowd pleaser.

AN EVENING WITH MIK ARTISTIK’S EGO TRIP THURS 5 DEC // KOMEDIA “The best live act I’ve seen all summer.”

That is how 6Music’s Gideon Coe described Mik Artistik’s Ego Trip. And he’s not alone, with celebrity fans of the group ranging from Damian Lewis to Keith Allen, not to mention musical demigod Lord Iggy of Pop. Described on the one hand as a cross between punk and comedy, and on the other as simply indescribable, this Yorkshire phenomenon never fail to entertain the crowd, leaving them gasping, laughing, and always wanting more.

Expect the unexpected…

DAWN LANDES THE DARKNESS

TUES 10 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME Formed back in 2000 in the sweltering hotbed of rock and roll that is Lowestoft, The Darkness have long since been an unapologetically glam, elaboratelyonesied feature on the UK’s musical landscape, often with their tongues seemingly lodged firmly in their cheeks.

Their latest tour comes after October’s release of their 6th studio album, Easter is Cancelled. Bringing an alternative message of optimism and inclusivity to combat the stark reality perpetuated by today’s “power-drunk clowns” The Darkness are here to save us all… probably in Spandex.

TUES 10 DEC // KOMEDIA Dawn Landes is a Nashville based singer-songwriter whose music you might have heard if you watch The Good Wife, House or Gossip Girl.

Along with releasing five albums since 2005 (and an EP inspired by yé-yé, ‘60s French pop music), she’s a frequent collaborator with contemporaries such as Sufjan Stevens, Norah Jones and composer Nico Muhly. Dawn’s 5th album Meet Me at the River (Yep Roc) was recorded with legendary producer Fred Foster (Roy Orbison, Dolly Parton) and features Bobby Bare, Charlie McCoy among others.

THE COMET IS COMING

© By Fabrice Bourgelle

MUSIC PREVIEWS

FRI 6 DEC // CONCORDE2

There’s something futuristic and unsettling about The Comet is Coming which is precisely their thunderous and enigmatic appeal. Elements of jazz, electronica, funk and psychedelic rock meld into a crashing explosion of frantic energy that even has this old grandpa of a music fan tapping his toes under the desk – that’s practically a mosh pit for me. Concorde 2 is the ideal venue to stage what is sure to be an out of this world show, from one of the bands of the moment.

SLAVES STEALING SHEEP

SAT 7 DEC // CHALK Following the release of their third album, Big Wows, in April this year, the electro pop trio are back on the road, and coming to Chalk this December.

Described by the band’s record label, Heavenly Recordings, as “heavier, harder and weirder” than their previous work, the album is “held together by Emily Lansley’s bass guitar, Luciana Mercer’s drum kit, Rebecca Hawley’s synths, and the trio’s swooning steely vocal harmonies.” Together with material from their growing back catalogue, this should have something to suit all fans.

SAT 7 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME Looking for a relaxing and quiet evening listening to some gentle parlour music? Then stay away from the Brighton Dome this Saturday as the incredibly talented, maniac duo, Slaves, are in town, with their unique and unmistakable blend of punk and garage rock. Reverberating vocals and huge riffs have translated into both critical and commercial success, and an ever-growing following. High energy and high quality, these boys know what they’re doing, and will put on a show you won’t forget in a hurry.

VETIVER PENELOPE ISLES GHETTS

WEDS 11 DEC // CONCORDE2 Known as a cult figure within the grime scene, and often rhapsodised as one the genre’s key influencers, Ghetts brings his quick-fire lyrical whirlwind to Brighton’s Concorde 2 this December. This is part of his biggest headline tour to date, and comes hot off the heels of his Ivor Novello nomination for Best Contemporary Song, earned for Black Rose ft. Kojey Radical, the lead single from 2018’s critically acclaimed Ghetto Gospel: The New Testament.

WEDS 11 DEC // CHALK Brighton-based quartet Penelope Isles bring their 2019 tour schedule to a triumphant close in their home town. After their widely rejoiced debut album, Until the Tide Creeps In, released in July, this incredibly hardworking band have barely stopped.

With tours across the USA and Europe, they’ve been spreading their unique brand of bright and summery dreamy guitar pop to anyone that will listen – and they’ve been listening in their droves. This promises to be a spectacular end to a meteoric year.

SUN 15 DEC // THE BRUNSWICK Following the release of Up on High, their seventh album, and first since 2015, Vetiver are touring the UK this winter. This includes returning to Brighton & Hove for an intimate show at The Brunswick Live, the iconic 1930s pub. In something of a rarity, founder Andy Cabic will be taking to the stage without the rest of the band, as he performs tracks from his latest record and highlights from his growing repertoire “the way I heard them when I initially wrote them.”

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© by Ross Carrigan

PIZZAGIRL BN1 CHATS WITH...

BY CARLY-MAY KAVANAGH

When Liverpool-based singer-songwriter Liam Brown answered the phone, he had been in the middle of recording a ‘heavy metal pop-punk riff’. “I was going through a weird angsty phase because I woke up late this morning and thought ‘you know what, I need to channel some more Kelly Clarkson’ so I played guitar and screamed down a mic for a bit” is his opening gambit, and possibly the best introduction to Pizzagirl you could ask for.

Though many are quick to put Brown under the label of ‘bedroom pop’, the Pizzagirl experience is more like ‘a weird old wardrobe full of different outfits and styles’. He likes the idea of having pop flowing through everything, a Jack of all trades, master of none approach — something perhaps best summed up by his misleading name. “I wasn’t calling myself Pizzagirl because I’m obsessed with pizza – in fact, I feel like I’ve got a normal, average interest in pizza. It's like an antiname, Liam is super boring, so I just wanted to spice it up a bit.” It's just a vehicle to be leftfield with. His mum hated it!

But he’d noticed where people don't go by their actual name, they usually use an abstract moniker as an excuse to be some weird version of themselves. “Nobody would like Liam, he’s a super boring guy, I hate him! I just sit in my room on the computer and if someone paid to see that they'd be pretty bored. It's like Stars In Their Eyes - I'm Liam, this ordinary guy, and I go through this smoky screen and come out as the most exaggerated version of myself.”

Although now signed to Manchester’s Heist or Hit label, Brown still wants to have a DIY approach. Only recently has he sorted out his band, so it’s still a very ‘introverted’ experience. “I've never really written music for anyone. I'm just screaming down a microphone for hours and hours and seeing what sticks.”

He loves female vocals, taking every opportunity to use them on Pizzagirl songs. The internet has opened a bridge to bring in singers from around the world. “I don't know if it's to do with shyness, I just really like the idea of doing it all. I think I'm

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most relaxed and comfortable with music when it's just me in the room by myself. I don't like the idea of someone watching me, watching my every move because I’d just overthink it and probably make some bad stuff.”

Brown views his latest album, first timer, as quite rough, but feels like he’ll still enjoy it’s charm. “I've heard it so much now that it's just flaccid. Like it's become just noise to me, but I like the idea of it just coming out of this stupid room in Liverpool.”

Despite Pizzagirl being 21, it’s hard to ignore the eighties influences in his music. He said how his mum, a child of the 80s, loves that era’s sound. He’d hear it on car journeys to school, and in the background while he was growing up. “It’s a good thing to wake up to because it subconsciously seeps into the writing process, and it’s a good well to draw from because the music is so colourful and proud.”

Pizzagirl is keen to incorporate other styles into his work, however: “For my mental wellbeing, if I did the same type of music every day, I wouldn’t love it. I like cherry picking what I like from different styles and making this weird Frankenstein mega-baby of pop. I love the 90s and early 00s, and UK garage. I love how camp and fun it is. I just love the idea of all these styles having pop roots running through them.”

Overall, Pizzagirl just wants people to enjoy themselves with his music, and with this album, he hasn’t taken things too seriously. Take Dennis, the third single from it, which he describes as “that friendly guy who everyone seems to like.”

He wants people to see it as a fun experience. “The album is tongue in cheek, it's not a super concept album or anything too serious. I'm being as transparent with myself as I can be.

If I was in denial, not making music that I didn't feel that I was proud of, then I would feel nervous, but I'm really happy with the songs and I feel like they're a culmination of all the things I like in music.”

Pizzagirl’s debut album first timer is out now via Heist or Hit.

TOP TIPS

FOR A SUSTAINABLE CHRISTMAS

Sustainability may not be your first thought in the festive season, but with the climate emergency, more and more people are looking to make their Christmas less wasteful.

There’s no need to sacrifice the Christmas magic, but by making just a few small swaps, you could be making a real difference. Here’s a few top tips on how to spread that festive cheer to our planet.

For more info about sustainability, peace, global learning and the environment, head to Brighton Peace and Environment Centre at: www.bpec.org

BY KAHINA BOUHASSANE

THE TREE

Christmas trees may not be the eco friendliest of traditions, but we don’t have to give up our festive favourites. There are plenty of ways to make having Christmas trees more sustainable.

Instead of cutting down a tree for Christmas, consider bringing a living one into your home. A living tree can continue to grow, and won’t drop pine needles as it slowly goes brown over the holiday. After Christmas it can be kept outside in the garden, ready to be used again next year. Or, switch it out altogether for a different plant, which can be kept year-round inside and decorated over Christmas.

Check that your tree is approved by the FSC and Soil Association, making sure it was grown sustainably.

Artificial trees should be made to last as long as possible, and if you’re set on continuing down the artificial route, preloved ones can be bought online.

Brighton & Hove City Council also offer options for recycling your real or artificial Christmas tree, a list of which can be found online.

GIFTS

One of the biggest sources of waste at Christmas is unwanted gifts and the packaging they come in. Buying items that encourage a more sustainable lifestyle will also have a longterm impact. A reusable coffee cup or water bottle along with some Fairtrade organic chocolate could provide a lovely gift.

It’s worth thinking about what your friends and family need, as useful gifts are less likely to end up in landfill than gimmicks.

Try buying locally. In Brighton we’re spoilt for choice of independent shops that you could support. Buying locally means less air miles, and opting for items that are handmade with non-plastic packaging lowers the carbon footprint.

Can’t think of a gift? Donate to a charitable cause they are passionate about. Local charities such as Brighton Peace and Environment Centre do great work, and a donation to a cause will continue to make a difference even after Christmas is over.

WRAPPING PAPER

At Christmas, Brits bin the equivalent of 108 million rolls of wrapping paper and more than 40 million rolls of sticky tape, according to a study by GP Batteries.

Most wrapping paper has plastic particles in it which means it can’t be recycled.

When it comes to wrapping gifts, Maria in The Sound of Music had it right with her brown paper packages tied up with string.

Untreated brown paper is recyclable, and actually may be gentler on the wallet. It can be found at most post offices, craft stores, supermarkets or stationary shops, and tends to be cheaper than regular wrapping paper.

It can be dressed up by adding natural decorations, like pinecones or holly or drawn on to create your own unique wrapping paper.

You could even ditch the paper all together and opt for a fabric option. Tea towels can be wrapped and knotted around a present, and provide an extra little gift. Or fabric offcuts could also be used and repurposed.

MAKING IT STICK

More and more companies these days are offering alternatives to plastic tape. Biodegradable paper tapes and other eco packing options can be found in local independent store, Pen to Paper, high street stationary shops or online.

Instead of ribbon, you could also use twine. It’s 100% biodegradable and will add a cute rustic look to your Christmas gifts. bn1magazine.co.uk

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XMAS

TV GUIDE

BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT These days the biggest TV event each Christmas is the always hotly-anticipated advert for a supermarket, along with the subsequent wake of other shops and companies trying to emulate their success by throwing big budgets, Hollywood plotlines, and seemingly nothing to do with their products, at what is, lest we forget, a 30 second pitch to get us to go into their shop which we were probably going to visit anyway.

There are however, very often, some programs wedged in between these inexplicably seismic happenings. Here are the highlights of this year’s schedule as released thus far.

HOW TO SPEND IT WELL AT CHRISTMAS WITH PHILLIP SCHOFIELD TUES 3 DEC // ITV This is actually the second episode of three, but worthy of highlighting for anyone struggling to find that perfect present for a loved one. The ever-young Mr Schofield tests and reviews a range of products to find this year’s must-haves and don’t-bothers to help us decide what to put under the tree, and which fizz to fill our glasses with. Helped by Mrs Schofield, members of the public and a range of celebrity guests from TV, music and sport, this festive treat will entertain and instruct in equal measure.

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WORZEL GUMMIDGE SAT 21 DEC // BBC

A CHRISTMAS CAROL SUN 22 DEC // BBC

Get ready for a healthy dose of nostalgia this Christmas, as the BBC brings 40-year-old classic Worzel Gummidge back to our screens. An all-star cast fronts this very different-looking remake, with the always brilliant Mackenzie Crook in the lead role, superbly supported

by India Brown and Thierry Wickens as Susan and John. The cast is further enhanced by small screen giants, Michael Palin, Zoe Wannamaker, Steve Pemberton and Vicki Pepperdine as the iconic Aunt Sally.

Charles Dickens’ classic (apparently it wasn’t written by the Muppets) gets another adaptation this Christmas, with the BBC promising an original and unique interpretation of the Mupp- I mean Dickens classic. Written by Peaky Blinders creator Steven Knight, this new version offers a dark and haunting experience, and is fronted by a stellar cast including Guy Pearce as Ebenezer Scrooge, Charlotte Riley, Stephen Graham and Andy Serkis.

GAVIN & STACEY CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC

CALL THE MIDWIFE CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC

THE SNAIL AND THE WHALE CHRISTMAS DAY // BBC

Following a nine year wait, this hourlong special of one of the most popular and talked about comedies in recent years, is surely top of most people’s Christmas list. Although details of the plot are closely guarded, fans have been assured they won’t be disappointed. After a writing schedule that often involved working over Facetime, creators Ruth Jones and James Corden were keen to only bring it to the screen if they knew it was right.

You can also catch up on Netflix boxset.

What do the Outer Hebrides, sheep, and a bus have in common? They all feature heavily (and surprisingly) in this year’s CTM Special. The islanders suffer a lack of midwives, so Mother Mildred and her team head north to help out, and have to battle the elements and bleak conditions to help their patients.

Fans are promised a magical and gently comedic adventure, offering pure escapism, and may even be given the white Christmas that stupid, boring real life won’t provide!

For fans of Julian Donaldson and Axel Scheffler (and let’s be honest, who wouldn’t be?), there’s another perfect gift under the tree this year, with The Snail and the Whale getting brought to life in this animated gem. A tiny snail longs to see the world and manages to do so by hitching a ride on the tail of a humpback whale. A perfect vignette of unbridled innocence and joy, with voices to match in Rob Brydon, Sally Hawkins, Cariad Lloyd and Dame Diana Rigg.

THE TIGER WHO CAME TO TEA DATE TBC // C4

MIMI AND THE MOUNTAIN DRAGON DATE TBC // BBC

THE GREAT FESTIVE BAKE-OFF DATE TBC // C4

Benedict Cumberbatch, David Oyelowo and the ubiquitous David Walliams head an all-star cast in voicing an animated adaptation of Judith Kerr’s picture book.

Sophie and Mummy are waiting for Daddy to come home. Only, before he arrives, a tiger walks in and plunders the kitchen of all its food – pesky tigers, always with the plundering! A timeless classic, it’s being brought to the screen by the team behind The Snowman and The Snowdog. A treat for parents and children alike.

Based on the popular book by Sir Michael Morpurgo, this animated children’s Christmas adventure is set to be considered a classic, in the same vein as The Snowman. Introduced by Sir Michael himself, this exquisitely animated production features a classical score from Oscar-winning composer Rachel Portman and is based on the original illustrations by Emily Gravett. A shy girl discovers a baby dragon in her family woodshed, and embarks upon an adventure to return it to its mother.

The usual gang of Noel & Co. erect the Bake-Off tent a couple more time this year. The GCBO welcomes back favourite contestants to do battle (in the loosest, spongiest sense of the word), to be crowned (in the most meaningless sense of the word) Christmas Star Baker, before Status Quo somewhat inexplicably play Rockin all Over the World. The GFBO invites the cast of the brilliant Derry Girls into the tent to try and out-bake each other to win Star Baker.

THE TRIAL OF CHRISTINE KEELER SUN 29 DEC // BBC The BBC’s six-part drama examines the Profumo affair, the infamous scandal from the 1960’s, focussing on the woman at the heart of the scandal, brilliantly portrayed

by Sophie Cookson. With a supporting cast including James Norton, Emilia Fox and Ben Miles, this prestige piece will, according to the BBC, take us “behind the headlines to tell a human story about the sexual and cultural politics of one of the most revealing and iconic stories of modern times.” bn1magazine.co.uk

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BURLESQUE LIFE WITH SIRONA THORNEYCROFT

to © P ho

How did you first become interested in Burlesque?

Living in Brighton, I stumbled across a Burlesque show in a little underground venue. There was such an array of colourful, sparkly, sensual and unique performances. I had been belly-dancing for eight years so I spoke to the organiser about performing as a variety act in the future. My first gig was for Carolyn Ailsa at Blind Pig, and it snowballed from there. I did my first Burlesque routine as a librarian for a back-to-school-themed show and it was liberating. I kept creating more characters, acts, and costumes, and here I am six years later with my own burlesque troupe, Foo Foo Fighters and have over 20 acts.

For the uninitiated, what happens at the World Burlesque Games?

It runs like a burlesque show, the host introduces the performers and they come on and perform their act, but it’s also a competition. There are four crowns: British, Variety, Alternative, and International.

The competition is spread out over three days with a closing gala on the fourth.

What helped you clinch the British Crown?

Performing over six years has grown my confidence, stage presence, and professionalism. I think the premise was creative and strong, and people enjoyed it. But winning was a shock! The act is something I’ve had in the back of my mind for a while. It shows behind the scenes of a Burlesque act; getting to the venue, unpacking/faffing, performing, rushing home, with an internal monologue of ew intrusive thoughts. Burlesque is Ra very glamorous, but people don't see us the rushing around, the late-night dash ch to catch the last train whilst eating chips and drinking a can of G&T. Most of us are on our own as solo performers with lots of travelling and dragging heavy suitcases, and I thought it would be fun to share that side.

Where’s the best place you’ve visited as a Burlesque performer?

Oh, that's a tricky one. Different shows take me on different adventures. Belfast was fun. I did a show in Mansfield and had a stop-over in Nottingham where I found the oldest inn in England. But I think my favourite place is Edinburgh Fringe: lots of history, you meet so many amazing, creative people, and if you’re lucky you have time to catch other people’s shows.

dr An

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BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT

Where do you get your outfits from?

I create my costumes myself. I try to find pieces in charity shops and online and then alter them with my limited costume making skills! If there are specific pieces like a headdress or item of clothing that I need custom designed, then I will work with designers or buy from costume makers.

How do people react when you tell them what you do for a living?

Very positive really, people are quite excited to hear what you get up to as a Burlesque performer.

What does a day off look like for you?

Bed, movie/Netflix/Xbox, baggy tee-shirt, Japanese food, whiskey and chocolate. Might have the whiskey and chocolate in my bath. Wearing my crown.

Has living in Brighton influenced your career in any way?

It catapulted me into the wonderful world of Burlesque for sure. Brighton is definitely the town to raise your freak-flag and find your tribe of creatives and weirdos. It allowed us to create Cabaret Lab, an open-mic for cabaret acts, where I have been able to test a lot of ideas in front of an audience.

Who do you credit with bringing Burlesque into the mainstream as much as it has?

I guess Dita Von Teese, everybody in the mainstream knows of her. I’m sure London Burlesque Festival has been a big influence, along with other international events globally.

What does the future look like for Burlesque, and for you?

I'm hoping it stays popular, because it gives people confidence, and it’s a bit of escapism. New subgenres pop up like Nerd-lesque, Gore-lesque, etc., so I don’t think people will get bored of us just yet! As for me, I'm going to continue to create and perform as much as I can, as well as teach and inspire the next generation of Burlesque dancers.

What’s your favourite Christmas present that you’ve bought someone?

My fiancé Jack Kristiansen hosts cabaret shows and is known as the 'Joker of Burlesque.' I found a pair of Batman and Joker cufflinks which I got irrationally excited about, but the wait until he opened them was excruciating!

FILM DEC RELEASES

6 UNDERGROUND FRI 13 DEC // NETFLIX

HONEY BOY FRI 6 DEC // CINEMA

BLACK CHRISTMAS FRI 13 DEC // CINEMA

Comedy superhero, episode-stealing Family Guy guest, and all-round likeable hunk Ryan Reynolds leads a vigilante group in this Michael Bay directed action thriller. Six people fake their own deaths in order to take down notorious criminals – dare I say, “clean up the streets”? The premise and plot may not be groundbreaking, but with Bay’s practised hand and Reynolds’ easy charisma behind it, this promises to tick all the boxes for fans of actionpacked escapism.

A controversial, and undeniably interesting figure, Shia LaBeouf penned the screenplay based on his own experiences as a young actor trying to reconcile with his father, whilst navigating the peaks and often public troughs of his rise to stardom. LaBeouf takes the unique opportunity to play a version of his own father, battling his demons. The cast also features FKA Twigs in her film debut.

Not one for the festive spirit? Perhaps Black Christmas is the film for you. A remake of the 1974 film of the same name, this mystery horror sees a group of female students stalked by a stranger. The sorority pledges discover it may be part of a college conspiracy, and decide to fight back. Ostensibly a slasher movie, the fact that this received a PG-13 rating suggests it may not satisfy those with a particular blood lust.

STAR WARS: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER THU 19 DEC // CINEMA The Disney-owned Star Wars conveyor belt continues with its licence to print money in the umpteenth instalment of the now seemingly-eternal film series.

Distantly related to those first three movies that were so special and unique, this showreel of special effects will no doubt please younger and less grouchy fans than I, as the Resistance faces the First Order (again!), as a way of showing off louder, flashier spaceships and greenscreen wizardry. I expect there are some actors somewhere in there as well.

CATS FRI 20 DEC // CINEMA This musical fantasy from Academy Award winner Tom Hooper (Les Misérables and The King's Speech) is the perfect early Christmas present for fans of the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical of the same name. A genuine all-star cast includes Sir Ian McKellen, Idris Elba, Judi Dench, Rebel Wilson and many others. It follows the Jellicles, a tribe of cats, as they make their annual decision about which one of them will ascend to the Heaviside Layer and come back to a new life. I suspect it’s better than that sentence makes it sound.

LITTLE WOMEN BOXING DAY // CINEMA Forget about the disappointments of Christmas by treating yourself to a new version of Louisa May Alcott’s classic.

This enduring coming-of-age drama explores the lives of the March sisters in the aftermath of the American Civil War. Sumptuously shot and boasting the talents of an impressive cast including multiple Oscar-nominees, this latest adaptation jumps back and forth in time focussing on the themes involved of four young women trying to live their lives on their own terms.

THE BN1 CHRISTMAS QUIZ

BY SIMON LIGHTFOOT

TEST YOUR MATES CHRISTMAS TRIVIA

Christmas is a time of family, friends and celebration – but also of bonkers traditions, amazing records and far-fetched myths. Learn some utterly useless trivia and impress absolutely no one with your newfound knowledge, by answering the questions below. You’re welcome. Merry Christmas!

Q – When were the first Christmas cards produced? As

a clue, they were commissioned by Sir Henry Cole and printed by John Calcott Horsley – I know, it practically gives you the answer!

A – 1843. They featured a family drinking wine. One of them sold in 2014 for £8,469.

Q – Who is the demonic figure that wanders the streets

of Central Europe at Christmas looking to punish misbehaving children?

A – Krampus.

Q–

According to Guinness World Records, how tall was the tallest ever Christmas tree, a Douglas Fir erected and decorated at Northgate Shopping Centre, in Seattle? Hint: it’s taller than you think!

A – 67.36 metres! That’s 221 freakin feet!!

Q

– According to Facebook, two weeks before Christmas is one of the two most popular times of the year for what to happen?

A – Couples to break up. A new tradition for the digital age? ‘Tis the season…!

Q

– According to US scientists, how many houses would Father Christmas have to visit a second to deliver all the world’s presents on Christmas Eve? A – 822 – whilst travelling at a speed of 650 miles a second. Thank goodness for scientists, putting longpondered questions like this to bed!

Q – It is estimated that 6 million of these are sold in the

UK in the lead up to Christmas. If you haven’t got one, you’d better go out and buy one! But what is it?

A – A roll of Sellotape.

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MUSIC

As we know, Simon Cowell, the Darth Vader of the music industry, has tried to monopolise (ruin) the competition to claim the much-coveted Christmas Number 1. But before he sank his greedy claws into Christmas, achieving the Christmas Number 1 was big news.

Q – What year did the UK Charts begin, launching the annual race to claim the cherished No. 1 slot?

A – 1952.

Q – What was the first UK Christmas Number 1?

A – Here in my Heart, by Al Martino Q – Which three acts have had the most UK Christmas Number 1s, with a combined total of 10?

A – Beatles: 4, Spice Girls 3, Cliff Richard 3.

Q – Which is the only song to have been Christmas Number 1 on three separate occasions?

A – Band Aid’s Do They Know It’s Christmas?

Q

– In the 67 years of the UK Charts, how many Christmas No. 1s contain the word Christmas (or any derivation of) in the title?

A – Seven. Dickie Valentine, Christmas Alphabet (1955), Slade, Merry Xmas Everybody (1973), Mud, Lonely This Christmas (1974), Band Aid, Do They Know It’s Christmas (1984, 1989, 2004), Shakin’ Stevens, Merry Christmas Everyone (1985).

Q

– How many singers were there in the original Band Aid? A – 37.

Q – What year did musical impresario Mr Blobby bag

the festive top spot?

A – 1993. His music career inexplicably dried up after that, and the world was denied a follow up smash hit.

Q – Is eggnog even the slightest bit nice?

A – No. The answer is no.

Q – What is the Guinness World Record for the most

Brussel sprouts eaten in one minute?

A – 31. Linus Urbanec of Sweden achieved this momentous feat on 26 November 2008. To be honest, 31 doesn’t seem that impressive to me. But I bet his poor dog took the rap for a few odd smells for the rest of the day.

FILM

The debate continues as to whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie or not. I’m officially waging in on the debate on the side of Yes. (Mainly because otherwise the first question in this section wouldn’t work in a Christmasthemed quiz).

Q – Which famous crooner was offered the role of

John McClane in Die Hard, despite being 73 at the time of casting, before Bruce Willis made it indisputably his?

A – Frank Sinatra! Producers were contractually obligated to offer it to him after he’d played the character in a previous film. Thankfully he declined the offer. Yippie-Ki-Yay.

Q

FOOD AND DRINK

Forget the presents, the star of the big day for me is all the food and drink that gets shoved down my throat. It’s the one day of the year that you can eat 7000 calories and not feel guilty and be hammered by the end of breakfast without your family feeling the need to stage an intervention.

Q – “An invention of the scarlet whore of Babylon, a

hodgepodge of superstition, popery, the devil, and all his works.” What classic Christmas staple were the Quakers so rationally describing here in 1733?

A – Mince pies! Jeez, I’d hate to see what they’d say about my devilled eggs.

Q – In the Middle Ages, before vegans ruined eating meat, people enjoyed a boar’s or pig’s head on Christmas Day. What was it traditionally smothered in?

A – Mustard. They all had exceptionally clean sinuses.

Q – Dining at what fast food restaurant is a Christmas tradition in Japan?

A – KFC – all thanks to a clever marketing campaign in 1974 that promoted fried chicken as a Christmas meal.

Q – How much beer is consumed in the UK over the

Christmas period? (I’ll give you a clue – the units that it’s measured in is Olympic-sized swimming pools!)

A – 57! Cheers!

– Which hilariously haired, Oompa-Loompacoloured, miniscule-handed, bullshit-spouting, cartoonish politician and all-round buffoon played a cameo in Home Alone 2?

A – Donald Trump.

Q

– In which film does Steve Martin exclaim the immortal words, “Those aren’t pillows!”

A – Planes, Trains & Automobiles. If you’ve not seen it, a) WHAT!!? And b) consider this my Christmas present to you – enjoy 93 minutes of festive perfection.

Q

– Before he was famous which actor, who went on to star in a classic Christmas movie, worked as a shopping mall Santa for 5 weeks?

A – Will Ferrell, who of course went on to star as Buddy in Elf. And his elf at the mall was Chris Katten, his co-star in Ferrell’s breakout movie, A Night at the Roxbury.

Q – Bonus question: how long was Buddy’s burp in Elf ?

A – 12 seconds.

Q

– Which Christmas feel good film was the most rented DVD in the UK in 2004? (DVDs are flat discs with videos on). (Videos are big cassettes with films on). (Cassettes are- ah, forget it).

A – Love Actually.

Q – Which actor, who later played Father Christmas

in three movies, spent over two years in jail for cocaine possession?

A – Tim Allen. To infinity and beyond. bn1magazine.co.uk

25

RE ?

DA

TRUTH? WORDS AND ILLUSTRATION BY MARK DAVIS

I

’m not sure why I ever go back to Eastbourne. Sure it’s pretty enough, when it’s not on fire, but too many of the residents have cold ugly hearts. I was 21 before I finally escaped, and whilst Christmas and birthdays have me visiting the folks, I can usually avoid interacting with the blue-bloods of a town with an average age over 70.

I wonder where people get their facts in an age when the Government pretend to be a fact-checking service and create fake websites of opposition parties. The Lib Dems seem to be trying to fight fire with flyers, which are equally as dodgy in their claims. Facts aren’t a thing for Daren in the reality he is encouraged to exist in.

To be fair, it’s not their fault. The Daily Mail and Express sales are strong here and the biggest local disaster to headline national papers was when their Conservative MP Ian Gow was assassinated by the Provisional Irish Republican Army with a 4½-lb Semtex bomb in 1990. So it’s no surprise that the town is culturally indoctrinated.

What happened to facts. What happened to hope? Is Putin’s New World Order of disinformation now the future?

“Ian was a brave man. And it is brave men and women who will ensure that democracy triumphs over darkness.”

Margaret Thatcher said of her loyal parliamentary private secretary.

Chatting to Daren, a well groomed and well fed ‘entrepreneur’ about the aggressive verbal attack aimed at Richard Burgon on Question Time was a mistake. Rob "Bullet" Barber claimed he wasn’t in the top 5% of earners whilst admitting he earned over £80k a year. I pointed out to Daren that according to HMRC £76k pa puts you in the top 5%.

Admittedly, my ‘fact’ wasn’t canvassed for, nor wanted.

Daren wanted only to convince himself that the 1.6 million that make up 5% of the 32 million people in work somehow earned much more than that, and that the national average wage isn’t £29,588 per year.

The attempt to throw facts at Daren was fruitless. It didn’t matter what economist Yanis Varoufakis and hundreds of other experts have to say. The British people "have had enough of experts,” he parroted from Gove.

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Uncharacteristically, I decided to pull back from this escalating ‘debate’ as tribalism ‘Trumps’ reason. Philip Bowring, the conservative writer in the South China Morning Post wrote despairingly of the referendum result in 2016 that Little England was in the thrall of “ignorance, arrogance and nostalgia”. And I could see the three horsemen at play here, so attempted to appeal to Daren’s base.

I pointed out that Jo Cox was the first MP to be murdered since Ian Gow. He didn’t like the connection. I added that in October 1990 Thatcher made a speech starting with a eulogy to her “best of friends” before talking about Europe: “Our Parliament has endured for seven hundred years and has been a beacon of hope to the peoples of Europe in their darkest days.

Our aim is to see Europe become the greatest practical expression of political and economic liberty the world over.

And we will accept nothing less.”

“And?” Daren replied.

I decided to leave the tax-dodging Caffe Nero. Pointing out that, as with many lies chucked around by the Leave campaign, Turkey is not joining the EU, but plenty of Turkeys are voting for Christmas this December.

The game being played - for Rubles it appears - is Truth or Dare(n)… In these post-truth times, Thatcher’s belief that “democracy triumphs over darkness” seems far too hopeful.

The Snowman Spectacular Appeal 2019 TM

for Chestnut Tree House

The Snowman™ © Snowman Enterprises Ltd 2019

Chestnut Tree House – your local children’s hospice – is a special place where families spend their days making precious memories that will last a lifetime.

It costs £35.70 to pay for one hour’s nursing care for a life-limited child.

Please make a gift this Christmas.

Because, just like The Snowman, your gift will bring wonderful moments into a child’s life. Thank you.

To donate online visit: www.chestnut-tree-house.org.uk/christmas1 Registered charity No 256789

N A J G N NCHI

LAU

PIER NINE

ENTERTAINMENT HUB

A

bold, innovative new entertainment complex is coming to the heart of Brighton & Hove in January.

Based in the Grosvenor Casinos, Pier Nine promises to be a spacious 24/7 modern leisure and gaming destination.

This landmark former Art Deco cinema on Grand Junction Road, is undergoing a sensitive £5.2 million refurbishment, with many parts of the building working to honour it’s past and stunning sea views. Set across three floors. Pier Nine will include spaces to work or meet with friends and colleagues, stylish bars, modern eateries, two classic casinos, a variety of leading-edge competitive socialising games, as well as a private cinema and karaoke space to hire. “We’re excited to share our vision for Pier Nine with the Brighton community and our existing customers,” said Bob Bowry, General Manager of Grosvenor Casino Brighton.

“Once complete, it will bring a unique social experience to the city’s vibrant cultural scene.

“This is a major investment in a well-loved building on the sea front, creating new jobs in the local leisure and entertainment sector as well as a destination for the changing habits of those in search of memorable experiences under one roof.”

Open around the clock, the new venue offers a range of adaptive spaces, in a bold and unique complex – quite unlike anything else in the UK. Those looking for the thrill of traditional casino action will find several comfortable and modern gaming suites, while Pier Nine is getting ready to offer the best in virtual and retro arcade action. Alongside this is a selection of brand-new food offerings, to suit any appetite.

Pier Nine is going to be open to everyone, without the need for membership fees. Currently on target to be completed this December, with an official launch in early 2020, the project is creating 60 jobs and will offer applicants a mixture of full time and part time roles once complete.

Pier Nine will be at 9 Grand Junction Rd, Brighton, BN1 1PP www.begambleaware.org

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LAVA ELASTIC MAKING THE INVISIBLE VISIBLE

A

BY LYDIA WILKINS

ccording to the National Autistic Society (UK), there are around 700,000 people on the Autistic spectrum in the United Kingdom. With understanding still being improved - such as the Labour Force Survey only just beginning to count how many on the spectrum are in employment, following a pledge by Minister Justin Tomlinson - we ask: how can comedy make the invisible, visible?

Lava Elastic is a by-monthly comedy and poetry night, that takes place at Werks Central, on Brighton’s Middle Street. The bill comprises a litany of different types of acts - including improv, poetry, stand up, musical songs and skits. The idea is to provide a safe space, open to all.

Founded by one Sarah Saeed, a neurodiverse actress and performer, it was formed as a response to the need for diversity in comedy.

When asked about the process of setting up Lava Elastic, Saeed says: “Lava Elastic came about… I suppose the short answer is I’ve been a performer for pretty much my whole life in one context or another. The impetus was when I got my diagnosis of Asperger’s in my late 30s.

So basically, I became aware gradually, that my biggest problems as a performer when I was younger [was] that I had very severe anxiety.”

For years she ‘gigged’ as the operatic alter-ego, Marianna Harlotta. Complete with a dramatic, swept-up big hair do, and a mezzo soprano voice, Saeed found the social side of the comedy circuit quite difficult at times.

As a response, she would stay in character - a kind of brash, ballsy female character she could use almost as a defence mechanism. Then came the diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome - and she realised that this had been the behaviour of a “textbook autistic, shall we say.”

“One of my key things has always been comedy.”

Describing herself as a “massive comedy nerd”, Saeed would spend her time watching live comedy, going to shows, and more, by way of topic immersion. It was “just my thing,” she said, admitting she has something of an encyclopedic knowledge of the topic.

But what about ‘gigging’ as somebody considered to be neurodiverse? Was it difficult to do that, in the character of Marianna Harlotta? “The reason I found it hard to gig as Harlotta, as much as I would have liked when I was younger, was that I found the comedy circuit unfriendly to someone with all of my anxieties and barriers.” When she began on the circuit, it seemed to Saeed like there was a lack of diversity - complete with an occasional token female on an all-male line up. Saeed also mentioned how there seemed to occasionally be a mean-spirited, ‘frat boy’ vibe, which could be scary to somebody on the spectrum.

Lava Elastic began life as a gradual process, an accumulation of ideas. With a background in arts production and stage management, Saeed experienced burnout, all the while struggling to meet the demands of the job. While talking to mentors old and new, the idea of a neurodiverse-friendly comedy night began to take shape.

The Autism Arts also played a fundamental part in this, she said.

At the beginning of each show, Saeed acts as compare introducing audience members to a little more about the idea of neurodiversity. To her, it is illogical that we have a ‘one brain’ mindset - that one type of brain is good, and any variant - such as Asperger Syndrome, Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADD, ADHD - is deemed an issue.

“I have a shorthand for this…” she muses. “All different types of blood are good, so how can there be one type of brain, by that token?” Lava Elastic represents a kind of flow, a form of neuro-plasticity; because, if we are allowed to be different and in our own right, who knows what could happen.

At this point in the conversation, we manage to scare a Waterstones café customer away with our ‘set the world to rights’ topics. Complete with a girlish giggle, Saeed turns her attention back to dissecting the topic at hand. There is still work to be done in comedy, but with nights such as Lava Elastic, and organisations like the Autism Arts Festival, the industry is slowly beginning to change.

Sarah Saeed and Lava Elastic return to Sweet Werks on Fri 13 Dec. bn1magazine.co.uk

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COMEDY PLANNER

BEN ELTON

DESERT ISLAND DICKS, LIVE! WITH WILLIAM STONE WEDS 4 DEC // KOMEDIA

THE HORNE SECTION

When most of today’s comedy talent were still in nappies, Ben Elton was out there – sticking it to Thatcher and a nation at odds with itself. Now, a few musicals and several novels later, has he calmed down? Not much.

A brilliant twist on a much-loved British institution, Desert Island Dicks is a podcast looking at the very worst of the human experience. Imagine yourself on a desert island, with only the most awful elements of society and culture to ease your crushing solitude. Previous castaways have included Abigoliah Schamaun, Jinkx Monsoon, the Scummy Mummies and Glenn Moore - all opening their personal versions of hell. Now, this award nominated podcast appears as a special live show featuring comedian William Stone.

After a chart-topping podcast with a range of brilliant special guests, this sixheaded comedy band are embarking on their first ever national tour. Unruly, ridiculous and surprisingly satisfying, it’s a joyous blend of stupid songs with a carnival atmosphere and plenty of puns.

Expect a mixture of toe-tapping tunes, exceptional musicality, and 5 talented musicians being made to do silly things by bearded comedian, and creator & star of Taskmaster, Alex Horne. Miss this at your peril.

ADAM KAY

JIMMY CARR

LIVE AT BRIGHTON DOME

A love letter to all those who spend their festive season on the front line, Adam Kay’s Twas The Nightshift Before Christmas celebrates removing babies and baubles from the various places they get stuck at this most wonderful time of the year. Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat... but 1.4 million NHS staff are heading off to work. Following the millionselling success of This Is Going To Hurt, Adam Kay delves back into his diaries for a hilarious peek behind the blue curtain at Christmastime.

Star of more TV shows than we’ve space to name, Jimmy Carr’s epic current tour marches on. As you’ve come to expect, he takes the time to find the funny in all manner of terrible things. These are terrible things which might have affected you or people you know and love.

(C) Mia Mala McDonald

The godfather of what they called ‘alternative comedy’ in the 80s, he’s still trying to make sense of a world which appears to have gone stark raving mad.

After a 15 year break, a true legend is returning to the stage.

WEDS 4 DEC // THEATRE ROYAL

FRI 13 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

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WEDS 13 DEC // WORTHING ASSEMBLY HALL

SAT 14 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

© by Neil MacKenzie Matthews

TUES 3 DEC // WORTHING ASSEMBLY HALL

Regular as clockwork, Live at Brighton Dome offers up some of the brightest comedy talent mankind can muster. Up top, is the host of BBC2’s smash hit show, The Mash Report, and the liveliest thing on any panel show you could possibly name, Nish Kumar. He’s accompanied by the multi award-winning (and truly But they’re just jokes – they are not the unique) comedy legend, Simon Munnery. actual terrible things. Having political Also jumping onboard, is the brilliant and correctness at a comedy show is like soaring talent of Fin Taylor, with everything having health and safety at a rodeo. hosted by our Sept edition cover star Angela Barnes

COMEDY PLANNER

DANIEL SLOSS

FRI 6 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

THE NOISE NEXT DOOR’S COMEDY LOCK-IN XMAS SPECIAL SUN 8 DEC // KOMEDIA

JACK WHITEHALL

X is the stunning live show from Scotland’s internationally acclaimed and award-winning Sloss. The star of two global smash-hit Netflix specials, his ground-breaking new solo show sees him dismantle toxic masculinity and delve deeper into gender politics. In case you were worried it was all getting a little cerebral, there’s still plenty of grossout humour to go around. Fast becoming one of the world’s biggest comedy stars, he’s proving that he can evolve, while still delighting has long-standing fans.

The madcap gang return to Brighton with a festive version of their celebrated and utterly inimitable comedy lock-in. After two sell-out seasons at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, as well as regular performances around the country, The Noise Next Door are fast becoming the must-see show for comedy fans. This December sees them welcome special guests Angela Barnes and Rob Deering as they serve up a comedy Christmas hamper including some-once-in-alifetime Christmas comedy curiosities.

With two extra shows added, there’s no doubting Whitehall’s star power. This award-winning comedian, actor and writer follows two completely sell out arena tours in 2014 and 2017 with his most hilarious show yet. One of comedy’s most electric talents, he’s a joy to watch on stage and acknowledged as a comedian who is firmly on the road to becoming a global megastar. Expect plenty of oddball darkness, self-deprecation and a gentle splash of effeminacy from one of British comedy’s greats.

SLEEP PARALYSIS

THAT WAS THE YEAR THAT WAS ’19

COMIC BOOM

Bringing you the best in Queer entertainment, Sleep Paralysis’ brings in one of the weirdest acts they’ve seen. if you crossed Dale Winton, Courtney Love and a bag of tacky Halloween decorations you’d get Knockout – a queen who’s style fluctuates as much as her dress size. Joining her is Winner of King of The Fringe 2015 Sammy Silver, with plenty of sass, sex and surrealness! Obviously, no evening is complete without some Hollywood glamour, cultist chic, and conspiracy theory realness from Fuchsia Von Steel…

‘Tis the season for all things Treason!

Brighton’s fastest and fiercest satirical show gets revved up for Christmas. Once again, by popular demand, they present their annual review of the year. Expect appearances from Bonking Boris, Harry & Meghan, Obi Wan Corbyn, Yoda Swinson and Donald Trump, as well as the usual parade of hilarious parody songs. This renowned topical extravaganza has been running for 19 years and has established itself as a local favourite, not least these ‘best-of’ bumper editions.

It’s not on a Thurs… That’ll catch some people out. The Komedia’s sell-out monthly night of exciting new comedy takes pride in bringing in the hottest talent.

This month, MC Mark Simmons welcomes peerless humour from Brighton’s very own Angela Barnes. Quite possibly on a mission to perform as many hometown shows as possible this month, Barnes is blisteringly honest and brilliant. She might take on some heavy subjects, but she has the skill to make everything funny and positive.

SUN 15 DEC // CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK

FRI 27 – MON 30 DEC // THE OLD SHIP HOTEL

© by Neil MacKenzie Matthews

MON 9 - WEDS 11 DEC BRIGHTON CENTRE

MON 30 DEC // KOMEDIA

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T

here was a heated discussion at BN1 about how posh Al Murray is. His best-loved character, The Pub Landlord, is an enraged and bitter individual.

Framed squarely as a ‘Little England’ caricature, he roams the stage brandishing a pint and a bewildered attitude. He redraws some long-established stereotypes, along with challenging our notions of class, but has courted several misconceptions along the way. “If you look at Wikipedia; you’d assume I was wearing a top hat,” he tells me. “In my family, there’s no one like Jacob ReesMogg. There’s no one like Boris Johnson. My dad worked for British Rail his entire career, basically as a civil servant.

I’m a comedian. We’re generally downwardly mobile.

We’ve made ourselves less posh.” There are still people on the internet who’d have you believe he’s a remainder to the Barony of Strange, although Murray asserts he has no idea what that might mean.

Legendary rock singer Ian Dury suggested if you’re in show business you’ve exited the traditional systems.

You’re then in arts and crafts, so separate from class.

“People use it to explain things. Especially politically...

If posh people are bad, then by any measure Jeremy Corbyn and the people around him are posh. The generalisation survives reality.” It amazes him that people obsess over certain details. True or not, information lands on websites, and people believe it offers greater insight into someone’s personality. Even having two middle names can draw judgement.

The Pub Landlord has championed the British sense of superiority for 25 years. He was originally conceived to fill a ten-minute gap in a show, but saw instant success.

Archetypes are powerful things in culture, and audiences instantly understood what Murray was aiming for. A quarter of a century on and the attitudes inspiring this misanthropic buffoon are even more visible. “There’s always been British exceptionalism in every walk of life, on the left and the right. You look at the Brown years, and he was talking about how we need to lead Europe.

You’d be going: ‘Why? What is this obsession with leading everything?’” Only ten years ago, people suggested the Pub Landlord material was irrelevant. But in 2019, public figures are espousing similar rhetoric without any sense of irony. “It’s been there a long time, ticking under in our culture. Some seem innocuous, and some are quite toxic.

It’s a brilliant time to be doing the act, because THIS is the subject. I almost don’t need the character to talk about it.” Somehow, he’s managed to remain relevant, despite real-life events threatening to overshadow his gleeful absurdity.

His work has never been a platform to spread a message, but more a vehicle for examining attitudes in society.

It’s part of a comic tradition, where terrible things are presented then deconstructed. “You can’t not run the risk of being misunderstood. Because if you’re not, it’s obviously

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not an effective piece of satire.” He reveals a distaste for the growing distrust of expert opinion. From political punditry to celebrity dance competitions, conflated public feeling is taking precedence over experience and evidence. It’s an understandable consequence of the desire to democratise everything or let anyone have a go. “It’s interesting on these shows when people boo.

There are judges, who are experts, saying: ‘Actually that Pasodoble wasn’t very good.’ And you boo them… What are you actually doing? You’re rejecting expertise, saying you know better and everyone needs to be nice… In an environment where that’s impossible.” He offers that nothing exists in isolation. Things like this feed into each other, and reflect a wider attitude across the nation.

The Pub Landlord himself has become an unlikely national institution. Although Murray laughs when the character’s elevated status is brought up. “It’s very odd.

I always thought if you stick around long enough, you’ll become part of the furniture. That’s always been my game plan!” Some still conclude he genuinely runs a public house. Although a more mind-bending misconception is the character provides an outlet for his true feelings.

“That’s kind of amazing, because it credits me with more deviousness and guile than I possess. Why the fucking hell would you bother? As a way to drive yourself nuts, that would be the best.”

During the 2015 election, Murray ran for Parliament in South Thanet. Some people believed he was David Cameron’s cousin and put up by the former PM to spoil the chances of fellow candidate Nigel Farage. “On a simple basic factual level, I’m not related to him. What was interesting, was how that happened so readily.” It was a warning sign of what was coming. We live in an age where facts are invented to fit personal narratives.

Even sensible people were questioning his electoral motives, refusing to believe he was simply having a laugh. Rumours circulated saying the BBC had paid him to run, or that he was taking orders from the European Union.

“I was told it was unfair on UKIP voters, because I was going to confuse them – by UKIP supporters. I just thought: ‘Honestly, you don’t think much of them, do you?’” It prompts interesting discussion around democracy. Some suggest you shouldn’t stand as a candidate if not entirely serious, because it appears disrespectful. Conversely, our political system remains open to everyone, but there’s no compulsion to vote for anyone. “If you don’t like it, don’t vote for me,” he says with another chuckle. “It was a real window into how people think. Some people are determined to believe in conspiracy theories, and very often just can’t take the simplest explanation.”

Al Murray takes Landlord of Hope and Glory to Worthing’s Assembly Hall on Thurs 5 Dec

BN1 CHATS WITH...

AL MURRAY

BY STUART ROLT

© By Tom Woollard

THEATRE GUIDE

THE LADY VANISHES

A LITTLE SPACE

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

BAFTA-nominated Gwen Taylor and ‘Villain of the Year’ Andrew Lancel reunite in this stage adaptation of Alfred Hitchcock’s The Lady Vanishes by The Thriller Theatre Company. When Iris’ travelling companion disappears, she’s bewildered to find fellow passengers deny ever having seen her. With the help of musician Max, she turns detective, and together they resolve to solve this mystery. Supported by a cast of British small screen royalty, this classic thriller will not disappoint.

Two of the UK’s most innovative theatre companies, Gecko and Mind the Gap, are previewing their first co-production. The devised piece explores what happens when people connect and disconnect from each other whether through choice or through isolation. Drawing on the performers’ own experiences, a little space uses imagery, sound, language and physicality to portray the needs, desires and fears of the subject. This highly original production will grow and develop throughout its preview run, before touring widely in 2020.

Tight-fisted, mean spirited Scrooge is in for the night of his life as Dickens’ classic returns to The Spire this Christmas.

Following sellout shows in 2015 and 2017, TRUESTORY Theatre returns to get you into the true spirit of Christmas this December.

BLOOD BROTHERS

SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS

INGOLDSBY LEGENDS

Willy Russell’s legendary musical tells the captivating story of twin boys separated at birth, only to be reunited by a twist of fate and a mother’s haunting secret.

Young mother Mrs Johnstone (Lyn Paul, returning to the iconic role for a farewell tour) is deserted by her husband and left to provide for seven hungry children.

Taking a job as a housekeeper, she soon discovers she is pregnant with twins, and in a moment of desperation enters a secret pact with her employer leading inexorably to a shattering climax.

Following seven sell-out years, LP Creatives return this December with the magical tale of Snow White. Magic mirrors, seven little men, poisoned apples and an enchanted princess all feature in the classic story. An evil stepmother, no longer the fairest in the land, threatens to put an end to her beautiful stepdaughter but can true love save her?

TUE 3 – THU 5 DEC // THE OLD MARKET

THURS 12 – MON 30 DEC // THE SPIRE

Join Scrooge as he journeys through this classic family tale with candles, carols, mince pies and mulled wine!

Wrap up warm and join the company for some ghostly goings-on.

(C) Mia Mala McDonald

MON 2 – SAT 7 DEC // EASTBOURNE THEATRE

TUE 10 – SAT 14 DEC // EASTBOURNE THEATRE

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FRI 13 - TUE 31 DEC // ROPETACKLE

SUN 15 DEC // RIALTO THEATRE

In 1840, Thomas Ingoldsby inherited a trunk full of antique manuscripts detailing numerous accounts of saints and spectres, monsters and witches, adultery, murder and revenge, of possessed wigs and haunted clocks. They were written in rollicking, rumbustious verse, but don't be misled, every single word was true.

Now the award-winning Foundry Group brings the best-loved of these legends All this and the usual mayhem and twists to grisly, ghoulish, hilarious life in this new you expect from a Shoreham panto! Book adaptation by acclaimed playwrights early for the best seats.

Brian Mitchell and Joseph Nixon, in a preview performance.

© by Robin Savage Photography

THEATRE GUIDE

What starts off as a morning jog becomes quite the misadventure for Stick Man: a dog wants to play fetch with him, a swan builds a nest with him, and he even ends up on a fire! How will Stick Man ever get back to the family tree?

FRI 6 DEC – SUN 12 JAN // DEVONSHIRE PARK THEATRE From the team behind 2018's Cinderella, comes a new production of the classic fairy tale, and festive favourite, Jack and the Beanstalk. Expect live music, colourful sets, amazing costumes, spectacular special effects and plenty of fun and laughter! Join Jack, Dame Trott, Simple Simon, and Clarabelle the Cow for their thrilling adventure filled with magic beans, a castle in the clouds and a walking, talking, very badtempered giant. This is bound to be...

FE-FI-FO-FUN!

Mia Mala McDonald © By Petter(C) Hellman

Based on the bestselling book by Julia Donaldson, and packed full of puppetry and live music, Stick Man is a touching, funny and utterly original adaptation that will delight all ages.

JACK AND THE BEANSTALK

CANDY GIGI: FRIDAY NIGHT SINNER! SAT 7 DEC // CAROLINE OF BRUNSWICK

Friday Night Sinner! is a one-woman, horror-comedy musical about a Jewish, sexually repressed, newly married maniac. This deluded, narcissistic, unsatisfied and occasionally violent woman has delusions of grandeur and wants to become the biggest star in the universe (or at least in Borehamwood) and spills her guts out to her guests over a highly unconventional Friday night dinner. There will be twists and turns, gruesome deaths and comedy at its darkest and most horrifying.

© by Neil MacKenzie Matthews

THU 5 – SAT 7 DEC // THEATRE ROYAL

© by Paul Mansfield Photography

STICK MAN

SUPER SUNDAY

PRISCILLA QUEEN OF THE DESERT

TUES 17 DEC – SAT 4 JAN // THEATRE ROYAL

UGG ’N’ OGG AND THE WORLD’S FIRST DOGG SAT 21 – TUES 24 DEC &

Breath-taking stunts and dark humour at its rawest form. Super Sunday is the world-renowned hit of pure amazement and barely controllable chaos by Finnish circus troupe Race Horse Company. Six acrobats blaze through scenes of creative insanity in what seems like an amusement park for the end of the world – including trampolines, human catapults and a wheel of death. Super Sunday follows the massive success of the company’s show Petit Mal and has enjoyed international success, including a smash-hit run at this year's Edinburgh Fringe.

The iconic musical Priscilla Queen of the Desert is going on tour! Starring Strictly Come Dancing winner Joe McFadden and with more glitter than ever! This smash-hit show features a dazzling array of stunning costumes, fabulous feathers and a non-stop parade of dance-floor classics. Based on the Oscar-winning film, Priscilla is the hilarious adventure of three friends who hop aboard a battered old bus to the Outback to put on the show of a lifetime. Their journey is a heart-warming story of self-discovery, sassiness and acceptance.

The truly, mind-boggling story of how a long, long time ago two hunter-gatherers, Ugg and Ogg, palled up with their enemies the wolves and together invented man’s best friend, the dog. Join our young heroes and the wolves Tooth ‘n’ Nail on their fun-packed comic adventure, and expect flying meat bones, beat-boxing wolves, forest infernos, and even a timetravelling stick before you get the chance to pat the world’s first Dogg. A genuine delight, and a Christmas treat for children and dog-lovers of all ages.

TUE 17 - FRI 27 DEC // BRIGHTON DOME

FRI 27 – SUN 29 DEC // KOMEDIA

A GUIDE TO COSY SPOTS THIS WINTER

THE CLEVELAND ARMS

THE DOVER CASTLE

The Cleveland Arms, an independent family-run pub tastefully decorated. Cosy up by the log burner sipping mulled wine and Sussex Ales. The kitchen is open every day. Food is cooked in-house, with produce locally sourced.

Meat is purchased from Barfields and their Sunday roasts won the Knorr 2019 Best Sunday Meat Roast. They are proud to be part of the Brighton community and have a host of free entertainment in December from Christmas Singalongs around the piano to their 1920’s NYE party. The Christmas menu is either two courses for £20.95 or three courses for £25.95.

A pub infused with Brighton’s bohemian flavour, The Dover Castle is quirky yet contemporary, filled with striking murals, plants and a conservatory. The pub is packed with arm chairs and sofa seating to ensure comfort and relaxation during your visit. Their kitchen is fronted by Jason Bear to bring a menu inspired by Italian cuisine, including delicious pastas, paninis and fresh fish and meats. Enjoy top food and drinking with a calming atmosphere. The Dover Castle’s Sunday Roast is also served with an Italian twist. To read more about their roasts, head to page 42.

CLEVELAND ROAD, BRIGHTON

SOUTHOVER STREET, BRIGHTON

TWIN PINES COFFEE

ST. JAMES’ STREET, BRIGHTON Situated in the heart of Kemptown on the bustling St James’ Street, Twin Pines Coffee is home to experts in coffee. The independent café is open daily and offers a guest blend on rotation each month along with their house speciality coffee.

They also sell a range of espressos and filter coffees. All their food is plant based, the speciality chocolates are curated by the café and are from various international chocolatiers. The sweet things are made locally and the Cumberland sausage rolls (VE) are from Brighton Sausage Company. Seating is spread across two floors with an elaborate spiral staircase leading to their cosy seating area with warm lighting.

WOLFOX CHAPTERS

WOLFOX CAFÉ

The team at WOLFOX CHAPTERS is passionate about brewing quality coffee and serving nutritious dishes packed with flavour.

They roast organic coffee in-house every day, so customers can watch the roasting process while you drink your fresh cup.

Open every day from 8am, you can start you day with a carefully crafted cup of coffee, fresh juice or smoothie. Brunch is served from 8am to 4pm as well as light lunch bites, pastries and cakes.

WOLFOX CHAPTERS is now available for evening sittings Tue to Sat 5pm to 10am, with a menu inspired by the best local produce and provides for different dietary requirements. The venue also hosts live gigs in the evenings to accompany your cocktail or organic wine in their wine bar. They will be open on Christmas Day serving brunch and lunch.

Determined to keep your immune system boosted during these colder months, WOLFOX CAFÉ puts your health and happiness first. Their juices and nut milks are made on site daily ensuring the freshest, most vibrant health drinks possible. They serve cold-pressed juices, health shots, superfood smoothies and sweet treats with the best ingredients. WOLFOX also offers advice and packages on cleanses to unleash the natural healing power of the body by eliminating toxins built up from processed foods, sugars, alcohol and the environment. Their healthconscious menu is a great boost this festive season, also available to order on Deliveroo until 6pm.

PRESTON STREET , BRIGHTON

GARDNER STREET, BRIGHTON

Brighton's

Zero Waste

Zero plasti c packaging

Christmas Market

le tainab 43 sus s brand

For tickets go to: www.zerowastegoods.com

Is popping up for one day only,

Sun 15 Dec, 11-6 pm at The Old Market, Hove Mulled wine and drinks.

Workshops, talks and eco-glitter face painting.

Support sustainable brands and shop green for 2019.

Every ticket holder is entered into a raffle to win prizes.

Profits will go to Surfers Against Sewage to help protect our coastlines. £5 online - booking recommend for guaranteed entry, more available on-the-door.

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37

KENSINGTON GARDENS, BRIGHTON Championing the local, the artisanal and the downright tasty since October 2018, Barney’s Delicatessen is in the bustling North Laine community of independent retailers in Brighton.

They stock 40 different Sussex cheeses, your usual cheese shop favourites, local charcuterie from Beal’s Farm amongst many great local and continental food producers. Christmas hampers and cheeseboards made to order as well as some wonderful artisan stocking fillers!

Your one-stop shop for food products made by people who truly care!

HARRY’S SAUSAGES

BRIGHTON OPEN MARKET, BN1 4JU The Harry’s sausage range is made in thier traditional way to meet the needs and taste of the 21st century family. The current collection not only includes South Downs free range pork sausages using unique seasoning blends, but meatballs in tomato sauce, large oven-baked scotch eggs and unique sausage cakes and tarts. Harry’s produce is always freshly made, wholesome, full of flavour and free from gluten too!

If you’re looking to purchase something special this Christmas, consider shopping locally around Brighton & Hove.

It has a positive effect on the local economy and is more environmentally conscious than high street or online. For more information check out the Just A Card campaign on Instagram @justacard.

SHOP LOCAL

BARNEY’S DELI

PRESENT IN THE LAINE

WASTENOT

Open for five and half years, Present in the Laine offers a fantastic selection of colourful and unique products from small brands providing a point of difference from the high street. The whole shop is full with amazing gift ideas – women’s accessories and clothes, men’s gifts, home accessories, souvenirs, Christmas decorations, cards and prints. Best sellers this time of year are the scarves, Brighton Beard collection and their colourful Brighton souvenir coasters and tea towels by I Drew This. They have been hard at work putting together amazing gift sets and gift boxes available on their webshop. Present in the Laine would encourage shoppers to keep it local this year and enjoy Brighton’s amazing independent scene.

Located in The Open Market, Wastenot aim to make package-free shopping more accessible, and to help the people of Brighton make better, more sustainable choices.

Their zero-waste store has been open for five years selling eco-friendly products perfect for gifts this Christmas. From safety razor sets, to books on how to live more sustainably for someone who loves to learn, T-shirts which help to pay for beach cleans, stainless steel lunch boxes, reusable pint cups, and eco-friendly beauty products for someone you’d love to pamper. They also have all kinds of delicious locally made food: handmade truffles, vegan fudge, hot sauces and chutneys, and flavoured oils.

GARDNER STREET, BRIGHTON

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BRIGHTON OPEN MARKET, BN1 4JU

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DIDO Wed 4 Dec

ADAM ANT Fri 6 Dec

JOOLS HOLLAND Sat 14 Dec

BJORN AGAIN Fri 20 Dec

THE BOOTLEG BEATLES Sun 22 Dec

BOMBAY BICYCLE CLUB Sat 1 Feb

BOWLING FOR SOUP Sat 15 Feb

THE SCRIPT Tue 25 Feb

THE ORIGINAL HARLEM GLOBETROTTERS Sat 29 Feb

THE WHITNEY HOUSTON HOLOGRAM TOUR Sat 7 Mar

JAMES ARTHUR Sun 8 Mar

THE BOYS ARE BACK Fri 27 Mar

box office 0844 847 1515* www.brightoncentre.co.uk *calls cost 7p per minute plus your phone company’s access charge

THE

DARKER SIDE OF CHRISTMAS

T

BY KAHINA BOUHASSANE

he festive season is a time of luxury. Our Christmas lists are packed with new clothes, sugary snacks and cosmetics so we can relax and indulge after a long year of work or studying.

This ritual is nostalgic and it’s historical. Each year we repeat our personal Christmas traditions, whatever they might be, but we rarely stop to think where all this luxury comes from.

In the 1700s, while the British were developing a sweet tooth, slaves worked on plantations in the Caribbean to provide us with Christmas favourites like sugar, tobacco and rum. The ships that brought us these products from the Caribbean would go on from Europe to Africa to buy more slaves and ship them to the plantations to work.

Many Brits also owned land in the Caribbean and had their own slaves. When slavery was abolished in the British Empire in 1833, British slave owners made even more money.

Legacies of British Slave Ownership, a University College London (UCL) project, provides an online database of British slave owners. It shows how these slave owners were given large sums of money by the British government for releasing their slaves.

On the database, you can look up how much money each person received. In Brighton, some slave owners received more than £4000. Nowadays, that’s the equivalent of £480,000. Four hundred and eighty thousand pounds! We can only imagine the lavish Christmases that must have followed these pay-outs.

Short of 200 years later, things have changed a lot. As a nation we’re more conscious about moral and global issues. Whether it’s climate change or human rights issues in Hong Kong, the internet allows people to be more and more informed and teaches them to advocate for change.

That said, we often forget to ask questions about the food we eat. When things are discounted or particularly cheap, we are more likely to pat ourselves on the back for finding a bargain than to ask ourselves why a supermarket can

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afford to sell it at that price.

We must ask the questions: Why is the price so low?

How much did they pay to make this? How much do the ingredients cost? And, often the answer is not the one we want to hear.

Many of the foods we eat today travel long distances to get to us. As the foods’ journey to us becomes more complicated, it also becomes easier to hide less ethical practices. Ingredients like spices rarely make us pause and question whether they’re home grown, or organic, or picked by slaves in some far-off country.

When we buy our box of Christmas biscuits, we are glad to see that they’re made in Britain, meaning that workers were given at least a minimum wage, but we never ask where the sugar came from, or the flour or even the butter.

Even tomatoes don’t seem to be safe from unethical labour.

Progress is being made. In 2015 the Modern Slavery Act was passed, making it easier for police to crack down on human trafficking and modern slavery in the UK. Every year more unethical methods are exposed, paving the way for better systems to come into place.

Companies benefitting from slave labour get shut down.

Even companies who were allegedly treating employees badly, like Amazon, were publicly shamed to the extent of having to make a change.

More than ever before, people care. They care enough to make and buy the ethical products that are increasingly available online and in local shops. We protest, and sometimes, we’re heard.

This has been produced in conjunction with The Regency Town House Heritage Centre in Brunswick Square, Hove, which is currently conducting research relating to the Slavery Abolition Act of 1833. If you would like to be involved please email, office@rth.org.uk quoting 'BN1' in the subject line. www.rth.org.uk

THE GOOD BOOKS LIST PROVIDED BY

Independent Hove book shop City Books lists their bestsellers for this month...

1 2 3 4 5

CITY BOOKS

OLIVE, AGAIN BY ELIZABETH STROUT

Elizabeth Strout returns to the spiky and deeply lovable Olive Kitteridge in this follow up novel. In the small coastal town of Crosby, Maine, Olive encounters changes both welcome and unwelcome, and opens herself to new lessons as she navigates the second half of her life. Strout is an exceptionally powerful storyteller and Olive, Again is sure to delight both new fans and old.

TWAS THE NIGHTSHIFT BEFORE CHRISTMAS BY ADAM KAY

Former junior doctor Adam Kay returns with a festive little book in the vein of his smash hit This Is Going To Hurt. A stocking-sized selection of anecdotes from Christmases on the hospital wards, Twas the Nightshift Before Christmas is a 'love letter to all those who spend their festive season on the front line, removing babies and baubles from the various places they get stuck, at the most wonderful time of the year.'

WHO AM I, AGAIN? BY LENNY HENRY

This memoir from national treasure and beloved comedian Lenny Henry chronicles his rise to fame, from his first appearance on our screens aged just 16 years old. Equal parts heart-breaking and hilarious, this coming-of-age story is filled with Henry's trademark energy and tackles racism, celebrity and teenage experiences in 1970s Britain.

STATION JIM BY LOUIS DE BERNIERES, ILLUSTRATED

BY EMMA CHICHESTER CLARK

A beautifully illustrated book for children from two beloved literary talents. Jim is a mischevious puppy, found abandoned on a train before being quickly and lovingly adopted into the Leghorn family.

Station Jim will enchant both children and adults, ages 8 to 80, with Jim's misadventures accompanied by wonderful illustrations.

FESTIVE SPIRITS BY KATE ATKINSON

Another great stocking filler in the form of three short stories from Life After Life author Kate Atkinson, published for the first time in book form. ÂŁ1 of every purchase of this lovely little hardback goes to the charity Sightsaver.

Brighton and Hove’s Largest and Liveliest Independent Bookshop, visit www.city-books.co.uk for events and ordering.

43 Southover St, Brighton

BN1 TRIES...

THE DOVER CASTLE

By John Burton

On a cold damp winter afternoon, what's better than a warm, cosy pub? A welcoming and homely local with an accommodating kitchen run by a chef whose ultimate goal is that you enjoy your food. Step into the Dover Castle.

Shrug off that heavy coat, grab yourself something to warm the insides, find a menu, and start tempting your taste buds. After a dreich Sunday hike up the lion's share of Southover Street, you're likely to be out of breath and definitely ready to get stuck into a restorative, and a full stack of delicious-sounding roasts ticks all the boxes you could want.

A first glance at the full servings confirms the walk here was going to have been a good idea, and the walk home significantly slower. The beef lies in pink folds, hiding a spread of veg, lapping golden domes of perfect potato, turbulent red cabbage with a stuffing island, a truffle and celeriac mash all overshadowed by a towering trefoil Yorkie. The pork belly is equally tantalising with that tricky combo of slow cooked tender meat, and crunchy crackling. A side of proper cheesy cauliflower or local pigs in blankets with Sardinia pancetta will be sure to fill any stray holes on your plate.

Available roasts include beef, lamb, chicken, pork belly or a veggie option, all for £15 or less. Alternatively, a panfried halibut is offered. A couple of sides and kids’ options, as well as a comprehensive dessert selection, complete the enticing menu

The potatoes crack open to the fork, steaming and soft inside crisp chewy shells. That should be all you need to know, but in the spirit of enquiry… the other veg was beautifully cooked, full of flavour; the meat just as tasty and tender as a glance had promised - the crackling especially hit with a burst of extra flavour. The stuffing is packed with herbs, and the delicate truffle in the celeriac mash gives a pleasing surprise when it sneaks into your fork. The Yorkshire is bountiful from gravied bottom to crown. Talking of gravy, it is rich and silky and plentiful. All in all, when Annie appears smiling and asks if the food is alright, all mouths are full.

In no short order (it seems, though actually a fairly continuous slog) full mouths become full stomachs. If a restorative was required, welcome back to full power.

Once your order is placed with the friendly staff, the hard work all done, you can relax properly into the subdued, twinkling fug as the sun fades gently from the sky. The star accolade for a cosy winter pub is 'Christmas card perfect' and with warm candlelight, festive sparkles, frosted (steamed) windows, comfy chairs, and that front room feel, the Dover could have reindeer round the back. Stepping up at last from the street you are greeted by warmth and bustle, wooden floors and varnished bar, brass taps and enticing bottles. There's a dining-ish area busy with a selection of satisfied customers, groups, families, and couples-with-dogs. Opposite, bounded by a magic carpet, is an intimate area of armchairs, settles and small tables for those wanting less of an audience, or somewhere quieter to read a book from the "Smallest Bookshop in Brighton", or a board game. There's more space beyond the bar extending into a brief conservatory and outside (to the reindeer…), but it's cold. We settle into seats, sup, and soak it all up.

Smiling front of house is just the thing to wake you from reverie, wielding laden plates of gorgeous looking food.

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The Dover's power as a pick-me-up extends beyond the weekend with a Monday burger night before settling in to Jason's real passion of Italian for the rest of the week. A past experience of fine dining restaurants and a skill with flavours, demonstrated by his roast, promises much from the week-time menu. A choice of traditional favourites, or infamous specials like "Lasagne Alla Nonna" are sure to bring a cosy Christmas feel to any dark Wednesday night.

Just be careful when you leave. It's easy to stay a while, dusk become dark, fogged windows actually frosted. Your centre of balance has likely shifted a bit south too, so easy on that hill…

Ask Jess...

Nutritionist

The

Jess English, Registered Dietitian

Not Terry’s Granola always reminds me of my fave xmas choc.

FOOD TO BOOST THAT WINTER MOOD

At this time of year it can feel pretty tempting to wrap up, whack on something binge-worthy and avoid all human contact outside of festive celebrations until Feb ...well, maybe not that excessive, but you catch my drift.

Whilst I’m totally down with the hibernating amidst chocolate orange wrappers vibe, it doesn’t have to mean takeaways every night - trying out a new recipe you’re excited about each week can help you to look after your health and your pennies over these moody months.

How can food help your mood?

We all know that getting our 5+ a day is good for our health - this month it’s time to take advantage of reduced seasonal staples like parsnips, squash and celeriac. They’re not just for roasts; try in soups, added in to chilli, seasonal coleslaw or even make a batch of gnocchi if you’re feeling fancy. Eating 30 different types of plants / week has been linked to improved gut health - which in turn is linked to good overall health and mental health. Eating the rainbow of different coloured fruit and veg can be a simple and affordable way to get that variety in - fresh, tinned and frozen all count!

It’s not just what you eat - how you eat counts too Eating regular, fibre-filled meals can help to stabilise your blood sugar - which in turn can balance your energy levels and have an impact on your mood. No-one likes the hanger, so try to plan in some balanced snacks.

Makes around 8 servings

Ingredients: 300g oats 25g chocolate, chopped into small chunks (If you want a more authentic choc orange experience then go for milk chocolate) 2tbsp golden syrup 2tbsp rapeseed / veg oil 2tbsp thick cut marmalade (any will do, this just gives a nice texture) Pinch salt

Method:

Preheat oven to 180 degrees (adjust accordingly for fan ovens) and lightly grease a large baking tray (I use ~33 x 23cm size) Gently heat the syrup, oil and marmalade over a low heat in a large saucepan until melted together Take off the heat, stir in the oats and salt and mix until thoroughly coated in the marmalade mixture Add mix to baking tray and press down gently with the back of a wooden spoon Bake in centre of oven for 15 minutes (check it at 10 minutes to make sure nothing’s burning, ovens can be temperamental!)

Remove from the oven and carefully stir through the chocolate.

Set aside to cool completely before storing in an airtight jar (or burn your mouth eating it hot like I do, s’up to you!)

Enjoy with your fave milk and fruit for breakfast or try with yoghurt and nuts as a snack. If you want to up the festive feels you can also add in some dried cranberries and a sprinkle of cinnamon.

Take a stroll

While hours of sunlight are few and far between, why not grab some outside time - a walk down to the beach at lunchtime? Potter to the park? Being outside amongst a bit of nature can give you a mental boost, plus you won’t feel like you’ve not seen the sun (even if it’s hiding) for days you won’t regret it!

Recipe time

Not feeling the dark mornings? Try out this festive, fibrefilled granola so that you have a quick, tasty brekkie to look forward to. The oats will also help you to reach the recommended 30g fibre / day which can help look after your gut health and keep you feeling good over winter.

www.levelupnutrition.co.uk @levelupnutritionuk

INTERESTING CHRISTMAS FACTS Christmas festivities at the Brighton Palace Pier are always a huge attraction in Brighton, not least of which are its illuminations. The pier has 67,000 lights lit every night (don’t worry, they’re long life and energy saving!). Compare that to Blackpool illuminations which has – oh, 1 million... Yeah, but theirs look rubbish compared to ours.

For those who don’t always live in the city and might not know of it, don’t miss Burning the Clocks!

Bringing the whole city together to mark the shortest day of the year (this year, Sunday 22 Dec), the annual event sees people make tissue and willow lanterns of all shapes and sizes (including clocks, obvs), and parade them through the city, down to a huge bonfire on Brighton beach. A moving and festive toodle-oo to the year gone by.

The Christmas Day Swim – members of Brighton Swimming Club (the oldest in the UK, founded in 1860) in an act of fifty-fifty bravery and insanity, take to the sea on Christmas morning, cheered on by a large crowd all cosy and warm in their dry clothes, and some even coiffing champagne, just to really rub it in! Some swimmers, just to make the event even more unpleasant for themselves, are in Christmas fancy dress! A tradition not to be missed.

A few miles north of Brighton, in Bolney, Haywards Heath, on the first Saturday of January, the tradition of Apple Howling takes place. Sounds strange? It’s even stranger. After dark, men with torches parade through the village to a carefully selected apple tree.

A horn is sounded, the men chant the refrain “Here’s to thee, old apple tree; may’st thou bud, may’st thou bow,” and they shove a spiced wassail cake into the tree, before clubbing the trunk with sticks. This is followed by dancing, shouting and banging drums in something of a frenzy until a shotgun is fired.

Humans are weird.

If you think of avalanches in the UK, you may picture the peaks of Snowdonia or the Cairngorms.

However, the deadliest avalanche in the UK actually occurred in Lewes. During one of the worst winters ever recorded, in 1836, a large overhang of snow built up on the sheer side of Cliffe Hill, hanging precariously over seven workers’ cottages known as Boulder Row. After a huge storm on Christmas Eve residents were warned to move out, but refused. At 10:15 on 27 December the overhang fell with catastrophic results. It destroyed the cottages, trapping 15 residents, only seven of who were saved. In 1840 The Snowdrop Inn opened on the site of Boulder Row as a commemoration, and still stands there today.

The humble Christmas cracker was invented in 1847 by London confectioner Tom Smith, based on the design of Parisian bonbons having a twist at each end of the wrapper. Legend has it, whilst observing his crackling fire at home, he thought it would be nice if his sweets could open with a crack.

Eventually, sweets were replaced with trinkets and treats (and dreadful jokes). Originally, they were called Bangs of Expectation (good luck getting that past the marketing department these days!), before assuming their vastly less misconstruable (definitely a word) sobriquet, Crackers.

There is an oft-quoted rumour that it is illegal to eat a mince pie on Christmas Day. So, truth or fiction? It begins in 1644 under the rule of funloving pranksters the Puritans, when chief of frivolity Oliver Cromwell, later to be Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland, and all-round great guy, saw the festival of Christmas as wasteful and utterly without biblical justification, so banned it. In continued determination to rid the nation of decadent excess, the feast of Christmas was itself banned in 1647.

However, it appears that the ban was lifted when Charles II came to the throne. So, if you were being kept up all night by whether or not to chance it this year and scoff a mince pie, rest easy old friend, and wrap your gums round one for me. That sounds wrong. I’ll go now.

By Simon Lightfoot

d e l l u M Wine

Recipes

By Simon Lightfoot The Ancient Romans: greedy land-grabbers, legendary warriors – and Christmas culinary pioneers? So it appears, as mulled wine, the Christmas drink of choice for anyone looking to warm up whilst getting in the festive spirit, was first recorded as being made by the Romans as far back as the 2nd century.

Whack it all in a pan, and warm gently for 20 minutes – don’t bring it to the boil, as it will lose the alcohol. Once at the required temperature, pour it into a jug/glasses and guzzle.

What qualifies wine as being mulled? To mull anything is simply to add spices and/or sugar, and to heat it up. And it was that warming of their already popular drink that was the driving force behind its invention. As Roman legions travelled north into Europe, they wanted something to keep themselves warm and ready for battle. And as their boozefuelled drunken rampage across Europe* continued, their love of mulled wine spread throughout the continent, particularly as a winter drink.

This recipe is taken from The Forme of Cury, an English cookbook from 1390.

Grind together cinnamon, ginger, galangal, cloves, long pepper, nutmeg, marjoram, cardamom, and grains of paradise. Mix with red wine and sugar (form and quantity unstated).

Its popularity grew throughout the middle ages, when people believed it had medical properties. They would also infuse herbs and flowers, as natural sweeteners to mask the taste of otherwise unpalatable wines. However, its popularity eventually waned everywhere but Sweden where it remained a winter staple. Then, in the 1890s, the now-called glögg, became associated with Christmas, with merchants selling their unique recipes in bottles with Christmas motifs, that soon found their way over to mainland Europe, rekindling the continent’s love affair with the now Christmas favourite. And we’ve never looked back.

So, how do you make it? Essentially however you like to meet your own tastes. But if you don’t know where to begin, below are some basic recipes to get you started.

THE CLASSIC

2 bottles of inexpensive red wine. (any wine will do, as the spices will overtake any flavours) 1 or 2 oranges, depending on size/preference - cut into wedges, and stuff with cloves.

1 teaspoon of cinnamon.

1 teaspoon of nutmeg.

2-5 tablespoons of brown sugar - (depending on preference)

THE MEDIEVAL

THE ALCOHOLIC

The same as The Classic, but after bringing it to temperature, add 2 or 3 measures of Chambord (for a sweeter taste), gin (floral) or brandy (Christmassy).

THE CHEAT

Red wine A pre-mixed mulled wine spices kit.

Pour one into the other, and warm and serve as above.

THE INSTAGRAM

Any of the above, but stop at every stage to take photos at various angles.

Any of these recipes can be embellished with anything you like, from a star anise or a bay leaf, to a leftover chicken madras and a tub of Hundreds and Thousands.

The choice is entirely yours (but I wouldn’t recommend the last two – your intrepid reporter took one for the team and it didn’t pan out). * = As you may have gathered, I’m no history professor, and there’s a chance this claim of inebriated warmongering may be factually incorrect. bn1magazine.co.uk

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1 2 Green ___ (3) (4-2-5) 1 Relatable 3 Film starring Cate Blanchett (5) 7 Green ___ (3) 4 Condition of the lung (9) 5 9 Film starring Cate Blanchett (5) The best (6,3) 6 NickCondition (5) 10 of the lung (9) 7 Give the right to (7) 11 The best (6,3) 8 Family ____ (4) 14 12 Nickfor (5) Queen, instance (4) 16 Course (7) 13 Give the right to (7) 17 Run away to secretly get married (5) 15 Family ____ (4) 19 Assumed name (9) 20 18 Queen, for Avocado dish (9)instance (4) 21 Noodle soup(7) (5) 20 Course 22 First woman (3) 23 Run away to secretly get married (5) 25 Compulsion to steal (11)

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24 Assumed name (9) 26 Avocado dish (9) 27 Noodle soup (5)

Transferred from one vessel to another (8) Down Colleague / wet korma (anag) (8) 1 Transferred from one vessel to another (8) ˜ (5) Blow up (7)2 Colleague / wet korma (anag) (8) Put into office 3 again ˜ (5) (7) Farm / mashed toe (anag) (9) 4 Blow up (7) Throws shapes (6) 5 Christmas Put into office again (7) Frequency of (6) Brand name6 (9) Farm / mashed toe (anag) (9) Mulled wine spice (8) 7 Throws shapes (6) Narcissism (8) of Christmas (6) Disapprove8of Frequency (7) Current moment (7) name (9) 14 Brand Music of Jamaican origin (6) 16 Mulled wine spice (8) Pinpoint (6) 17 Narcissism (8) Type of wheat (5)

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