Roundtable with the BN1 Mums

When it comes to surviving as a parent, whether you have a curious toddler, or grizzly teenager, we sometimes just need to get some things off our chest. The idea behind this roundtable was to highlight some mums who can admit their ‘failures’, confess what they wish they had known, and are willing to share their tips for survival. Truth is, all of us are figuring out this parenting thing together. Shoutout to the BN1 mums who got stuck in with this one!

What are your best parent tips for survival with young children, and/or teens?

JENNY -

Making children feel they have a choice by offering two different outcomes to something they don't particularly want to do (works especially well with younger children). An example would be - 'Would you like to help tidy away your toys now with some music on, or after tea as a game where we see how fast we can do it?' This would be as opposed to just saying - 'can you help tidy away your toys?' To which their response would most likely be a tantrum or a straight 'no'!

HELEN -

Best tip is to be organised. If you are going out for the day, save some money by having snacks in your bag and wet wipes. I always had some cards or colouring stuff in my bag when going out for dinner. Have a back up plan. Things don’t always go the way you want. So having a backup will save disappointment. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

SEMRA -

I would say be strict but not too much in so much that your children will want to rebel. From experience in people I know being too strict has made the children rebel and want to do the thing restricted even more. If that makes sense....

Also always listen, always be like a friend to them as well as a parent that they look up to. Encourage them, advise them and support them in everything.

Shower them with love so they always know they can talk to you about anything at all and not feel they need to hide anything.

FREYA -

Always do bed time with a G&T in hand!! Or a less boozy one: Pick your battles, there will be lots so if you'd rather not spend 16 years arguing with an unreasonable human let the small things go.

What are the best and worst lessons you have learnt as a parent?

JENNY -

The best lesson would be to embrace every moment as time really does fly and they grow so fast. The worst lesson I have learnt is to not forget you put your children's half eaten sandwich in your handbag whilst multitasking and juggling a million things, and then wonder two days later what that awful smell is.

FREYA -

Best: Absolutely nothing compares to the love you have for your kids. Even when they're being particularly challenging, all can be forgiven and forgotten with one cuddle.

Worst: I hadn't realised how totally encompassing they are... your world totally revolves around their needs. Even if you really really want to go out for a nice dinner you'll end up hoovering down baked beans and putting up with YouTube just for 10 minutes of quiet :)

Or, what do you wish you knew before becoming a parent?

JENNY -

It can be lonely and exhausting at times, particularly for new mums, often stuck indoors and feeling isolated. It's hard to prepare yourself for it, but important to be kind to yourself and take each day of being a new mum at a time. The key is to go off to as many groups as you can to be around others. It's hard work in those early years when you are perhaps missing adult conversation and your morning chats are with Fireman Sam and Peppa Pig. You also find yourself humming along to various annoying kids TV show themes on a regular basis and can't get them out of your head.

HELEN -

Kids are expensive! Try to make homemade or cheap entertainment as fun as possible. The internet is a great tool.

FREYA -

That I would either be cooking various dinners to suit picky eaters every night or wouldn't be cooking anything I liked to eat for at least 10 years!

Do you have any parenting fails/disaster stories you can share?

JENNY -

When my daughter Enid (now 5) was first learning to crawl, I'd not realised how fast she had suddenly become. In a classic case of 'second child/anything goes' scenario, I wasn't watching her at all as my son (then 3), was yelling out for help needing his bum wiped. Took my eye off the ball for a few seconds, and returned to Enid eating dog food straight out the bowl. Not even fresh, dry kibble - but wet sloppy day old/half nibbled dog splodge. She lived to tell the tale...social services at the ready!

Losing a child's favourite toy whilst out and about is another classic. Spending an entire day on social media desperately trying to locate little 'one eyed monkey stripy teddything', and retracing your steps around town looking for it. A tip would always be to buy two of the same soft toy (you know, their favourite toy - the one they can't sleep without!) The problem arises when they find the duplicate toy hidden in your sock drawer and they are baffled as to how a clone of their unique cuddle-friend has magically appeared.

FREYA -

My daughter found my vibrator and was walking around the house pretending it was a wand before my husband found her and subtly asked her to return it to where she got it from. Huge fail!

Or the time my husband and 2 year old were playing dinosaurs in the kitchen charging at each other, suddenly there was a crash and a scream and my son hit a wall! A quick trip to A&E where they gave him ketamine and 5 stitches and no more dinosaur games in the house ever.

What is your favourite family day out in Sussex?

JENNYSeaford beach - ice-cream/picnic/freeparking/playground on the green and a walk up onto the cliff (if children are not moaning that their legs are tired).

HELEN -

The beach and parks are free so make the most of it, make it educational and fun.

FREYA -

We love a simple day on the beach, we're so spoiled for choice with spots along the coast that we can pick where to go depending on our mood. Crabbing at Rottingdean or Holywell, Seaford always has space to spread out, Cuckmere Haven for a stunning walk and views, Littlehampton West Beach for paddle boarding on calmer water and dog walks all year round or chips and chicken wings at Shelter Hall Brighton.

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