How boarding schools support military families

Anne Megdiche Director of Admissions, Sherborne School

Deciding on the right school for any family can be daunting. But for Service families, the decision can be even more difficult. As well as looking for the same strong academic and co-curricular opportunities as other parents, they also want to be completely reassured that the school understands the additional concerns and demands that serving military families may have.

So it is not surprising that when I ask serving military parents with school-aged children what is most important to them when choosing a school, every one of them mentions pastoral support as their number one priority, closely followed by a solid, full boarding community.

Children of military families have experiences unlike those of most other families. They move home frequently and as a result they experience disruption to their schooling, friendships and social networks. A serving parent may be absent for extended periods of time – aside from the emotional absence, this can mean the serving parent misses key school events and activities, and this issue may apply to both parents if the family home is not near the school.

Full boarding is usually high on the agenda for Service families and a full programme of weekend activities for pupils is essential. However, schools must also appreciate that a parent who has been on tour might not be able to choose when they return from deployment or when their R&R time falls. Offering weekend flexibility for them to spend time together helps the family readjust and strengthens school/parent/ child relationships.

Providing Support

Although regiments offer families support, a comforting presence at school is essential for pupils. Postings for serving military personnel and their families can be anywhere in the world, sometimes at relatively short notice, and this can be unsettling for children and their parents. Some deployments may be to hostile environments, the dangers of which are regularly highlighted in the media, and so children have the additional worry about their parent’s safety. This can sometimes cause their emotions to overflow at unusual times, e.g. in class when discussing a particular topic. Parents need reassurance that during these times staff will be sensitive to and aware of the individual needs of their child and always on hand to provide support.

Schools can support Service families in many other ways. For example, they may contact the parent left at home, not only to give an update on their child’s wellbeing but also to find out how they themselves are doing, and checking that their partner is in contact and safe. Parents, particularly those with children of prep school age, will need assurance that in loco parentis actually means that. Are the usual teeth cleaning and hair brushing checks happening? Is there someone who notices if a child is looking particularly tired and who will suggest an early night?

Not all schools allow unlimited access to mobile phones, and indeed younger children might not have them at all. Enabling parents to remain involved and engaged in their child’s education is key. Examples include virtual bedtime reading, enabling online access to parent/teacher meetings, ensuring phone calls across the world are possible to suit both time zones, livestream/recording concerts and plays so that they are accessible for all, and short, regular emails to parents with a photo of their child engaged in activity. These all help to facilitate strong parent/school relationships.

Some families choose schools with high numbers of military children but, more and more, parents I speak to are not looking for their children to be at a school which is simply an extension of ‘the patch’. They want to break away from the military world and have their children join a school where they are part of a strong boarding community with pupils from a wide variety of geographical locations, both within the UK and beyond, and where they can make stable friendships for life.

As an ex-servicewoman myself, supporting military families is something I am passionate about. Sherborne matches that passion. Some of our housemasters have experienced military life themselves, either as former serving personnel or as children. As a result, they appreciate the additional complexities of these pupils’ lives. They understand that the boys in their charge newed to know they are there to support and reassure them when they feel anxious, without being singled out as the ‘military kids’. Honest and open communication, combined with an acknowledgment of the additional concerns of Service children, are key to building trust and positive relationships, with the boys and with their parents.

And what about the military children themselves? Quite simply, they enhance our school. Their personal experiences mean that they tend to be seasoned boarders, take a move to senior school in their stride and support other pupils who have never experienced being away from home before. They generally have a strong sense of purpose and loyalty and demonstrate great resilience. We feel very privileged to have military children and their families at Sherborne and look forward to continuing to welcome them to our community in the years ahead.