13 minute read
How to make peace with energy vampires
The problem with the majority of energy vampires (EVs) is that they do not know they are sucking your energy. As an empath and counselor who facilitates personal development experiences and lives in a retreat home in Sedona, Arizona, people of all ages have been coming in and out of my office, and now my home, since 2005. I can tell you firsthand that EVs are everywhere and can be just about anyone—your best friend, a co-worker, your partner, even you.
By Laura Marcos
While most people cringe at the label “energy vampire,” the term is helpful to understand what might be happening at deeper levels within our psyches. An “energy vampire” is simply someone who is motivated by his or her own unconscious or semi-conscious need for attention. This need creates an imbalance in a relationship because the EV has limited awareness or genuine interest in the authentic needs of the other person.
If you have a compassionate presence, you may be ideal company for EVs who depend on the kindness of another to feel “seen.”
How can you tell if you or a friend, partner or co-worker is an energy vampire?
For starters, EVs struggle to be alone. Even the thought of making a decision on their own might give them anxiety. They do not enjoy independent activities because they have learned they can sustain their energy from their external environment, thus subconsciously avoid looking more deeply within themselves.
EVs can wear their sense of “victimhood” like a boy or girl scout
badge. They may propagate negative beliefs like, “the world is evil,” or “life will never work out for me,” and expect you to join them in their disempowering beliefs.
Kindness can be employed by EVs to manipulate your time and attention. They may make a display to show you how much they care for you, how great they think you are, and how much they do for you to manipulate you into being the “kind of friend” they desire in return.
Another EV signature is emotional drama that leaves you feeling exhausted and overwhelmed. The biggest challenge in listening to their drama is the underlying feeling that they do not really want a solution. They are not genuinely interested in your thoughts. They just want to express as many of their emotions as they can while they have an audience.
EVs also may struggle sharing the spotlight or feeling genuinely happy for another person. In conversations, they can be quick to interrupt and share a story about something related to what you were saying. Often, they are not truly listening to what you have to share—simply waiting for an opportunity to speak.
Some EVs may act like bullies with guilt and shame daggers embedded into their comments. They may exhibit the need to one-up, criticize or minimize your choices and suggestions.
What connects all EVs is the underlying cause—insecurity. The flavor of this brand of insecurity is the facade of authenticity. The facade is so firmly established that EVs may not actually be aware they are sucking your energy. They have sold themselves the story they are trying to sell you.
For the discerning mind and heart, energy does not lie. We feel the dissonance. Our unconscious “voluntary opt-in” is the affirmation they seek to validate their life’s worth.
Sounds like a lot of pressure, does it not? It is.
When we experience a boiling point—a desire to explode at the very thought of the EVs presence—we know it is time to set new boundaries.
If you determine you would like to keep the relationship with the EV, it is wise to be honest about how their behavior makes you feel. Pray for the timing to present itself effortlessly. Detach from any outcome aside from expressing your truth lovingly.
Bring your awareness to your heart. Envision yourself emanating white light If you have an EV in your life, here are some suggestions to help you reclaim your power: 1. Feel the full breadth of your feelings free of judgment. Allow yourself to experience hurt, anger or even despair until those feelings get boring. (Hopefully, this happens sooner rather than later, as not to inflict self-injury.) 2. Get clear on what is in your heart. What aspects of your own personality are attracting the EV into your experience? Take responsibility for your life choices.
3. Give yourself permission to change by redefining your personal bound
aries. Trust in your ability to say yes and no in alignment with the highest good for all involved.
4. Reflect on all the positive qualities of the EV and determine whether
you would like to keep this person in your life. Remember that you always have a choice. If you have “no choice,” you are giving away your power. 5. Always open your heart for compassion to flow toward you and the
EV. We are all teachers on this earthly plane and can manifest magnificent opportunities for mutual growth when our actions and intentions align.
while you speak your truth. Be kind, yet direct. Express hope that you believe the relationship can be better when the needs and perspectives of all involved are met. Share your ideas for what healthy boundaries look like.
If you do not feel safe sharing your feelings, it is important to limit the time and energy you give an EV. Ultimately, we all want and need safe spaces. It is our responsibility to do so for ourselves and for our children when they need our help.
If you are reading this and thinking, I am an EV—kudos to you. The first, and perhaps most challenging step, is becoming “aware” of the behavior. The act of witnessing is essential to creating a shift.
Then, ask your friends and family to share how they really feel when they spend time with you. Commit to listening and not reacting. Express appreciation and gratitude for anything they share. You will learn a great deal from this.
Please engage your sense of humor. A good laugh is great medicine. If your heart and/or head hurt from the feedback—hallelujah. It means you care and want to be a better friend to yourself and others.
Lastly, be kind to yourself, as you simultaneously take responsibility for your actions. It may take some time for others to see you as a safe space for deeper connection. Practice active listening and be patient with yourself and your social circle. True healing of this kind of dynamic takes time and consistent effort.
Both being an energy vampire or spending time with one can be a gift. We learn the most from experiencing ourselves through the reflection of another. Becoming aware of our unconscious behaviors takes courage. Yet, with transparent and loving intentions for true connection, all can become the story of how we helped each other become whole.
Laura Marcos is the founder of Alchemy for Everyone, which helps empower business professionals, parents and teens to their own intuitive wisdom via practices and perspectives that nourish the soul and align in service to the whole. She can be reached at Laura@universalalchemy.org.
A united front New endings. New beginnings. A new you.
We have experienced plenty of new endings (“Schitt’s Creek” and “Ozark” in terms of television) and new beginnings (an upsurge in virtual meetings and free webinars). We are finally aware of the integral roles of so many—from healthcare and grocery store workers, to restaurants and cleaning service people—all of whom are making a positive contribution to our world with nary the recognition and appreciation they deserve.
This is a surreal time. What started as a bad dream has pivoted into an extremely long-lasting nightmare. Yet, in spite of the pandemic, we have created a united front where real examples of hope and compassion and promise reign.
By Rochelle Brandvein
I believe that in time we will rise like a phoenix from the ashes. I know we will emerge stronger and smarter from this catastrophe.
Coming to our senses
Trying to comprehend this abnormal time is difficult for people of all ages. But maybe, just maybe, we can transfer our focus away from the pain and
uncertainty of the day to our five basic senses, and realize the beneficial effect this crisis is having on our world. And maybe while falling back on our senses, we can find the good in this and count our blessings. By expanding our awareness just a bit more—beyond our personal stresses—we can realize the positive impact nonprofits and organizations are making in our world—and then do our part to help them along.
Everything looks better
Have you ever seen the sky so blue? It is a miracle to behold. What about reading children’s inspirational chalk messages? They give me goosebumps. Children have kicked up their imagination tenfold (thanks to the lack of playdates and sleepovers) and are powering through this blip. It is basically a retro movement—intense time spent with family and only family— where, like it or not, your kin now are your sole source of non-electric and non-internet entertainment.
“The future’s so bright, you gotta wear shades.” Through a child’s eyes, the world should be shiny and carefree, yet that is not the reality for many. Organizations like Save the Children (www.Savethechildren.org) believe that every child deserves a future—a healthy start in life, and the opportunity to learn and be protected from harm. The nonprofit has changed the lives of more than one billion children in the US and around the world.
Everything sounds better
Zoom. Google Hangouts. FaceTime. WhatsApp. All of this communication makes things much easier. To hear a loved one’s voice or participate in a stay-at-home virtual meeting is seamless with current technology. These methods might not take the place of a hug or a handshake, but they definitely make the sweet sounds of the human voice seem like the music of a beloved concert in comparison to no interaction at all.
The sound of silence. If you live by the “glass half full” motto, hearing sirens can signify rescue and relief. The National Association of Emergency Medical Technicians (www.naemt.org) was formed in 1975 and has more than 72,000 members. It is the nation’s only organization that represents and serves the professional interests of all EMS practitioners and professionals, providing prehospital and out-of-hospital emergent, urgent or preventive medical care.
Everything smells better
I have not driven my car in weeks, and it is a good thing because less traffic means less pollution. That translates to fresher air and more fragrant flowers. A deep inhale followed by a long exhale is so much better when you eliminate all the typical stressors like a tense workplace or a busy lifestyle. It is both physically and mentally invigorating to fill your lungs with crisp, oxygen-enriched air. It sure does a body good. chapters, support groups and other local partners around the country.
Every breath you take. Founded in 1953, the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America (www.aafa.org) is the leading patient advocacy group dedicated to saving lives and reducing the burden of asthma and allergies. This nonprofit provides practical information, community services and support to people through a network of regional critical financial assistance to small, independent restaurants that—due to the COVID-19 national disaster—have an immediate need for funds to pay set operating expenses, provide for workers and keep from going out of business.
Everything tastes better
Even though my husband is an amazing cook, I love eating out. It is a time-saving and interactive combination of fun, ambiance, convenience and variety. I most definitely enjoy partaking in the actual food. I miss the whole experience and look forward to returning to my favorite places so I can personally (and financially) thank everyone for their past and future service.
Cheeseburger in paradise. The James Beard Foundation Food and Beverage Industry Relief Fund (www.jamesbeard.org/relief) provides
Everything feels better
Unless you personally suffer from a chronic ailment, I think most people take their health and medical access for granted. Need medication? Visit your doctor. Broken bone? Get an x-ray. In all capacities, the world of medicine helps us feel better and get better. Right now, the news is filled with endless stories about our healthcare workers who are tirelessly battling not just COVID-19, but so many more diseases.
Everything is coming up roses. The Daisy Foundation (www.daisyfoundation.org) partners with more than 1,400 healthcare organizations and was inspired by incredible nursing care of a parent’s son. The “DAISY Award for Extraordinary Nurses” provides ongoing recognition celebrations throughout the year, honoring direct-care nurses for their compassion and skill.
Lessons learned during this new normal
A Pivotal Space focuses on three premises: Do good. Be better. Lead best. Right now is your chance to accomplish all three—and then some. Here are the Top 5 concepts I have embraced during the past six months, along with inspirational quotes that make me ponder my choices..
Be hopeful.
“But I know, somehow, that only when it is dark enough can you see the stars.” — Martin Luther King, Jr.
Be gracious.
“We must find time to stop and thank the people who make a difference in our lives.” — John F. Kennedy
Be considerate.
“Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” — Mark Twain
Be compassionate.
“Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.” — Plato
Be present.
“Living in the moment means letting go of the past and not waiting for the future. It means living your life consciously, aware that each moment you breathe is a gift.” — Oprah Winfrey
Which of your senses have been heightened during this pandemic? I’d love to hear.
Rochelle Brandvein is the owner of Brandvein-Aaranson Public Relations, a 30-year-old PR agency that recently pivoted to solely handling nonprofits and companies with a philanthropic arm or foundation. Her company specializes in publicity, copywriting and creative services.
Join us in leading Up through giving back
Donate:
www.localhope.org/donation
Volunteer:
www.localhope.org/volunteer
Sponsor a Child for School:
www.localhope.org/sponsor/ students-seeking-sponsors Did you know your gift of $30 can provide a night of safe housing for mother in need? Make your lifechanging donation to Maggie’s Place www.maggiesplace.org. SheLift is a 501(c)3 organization that empowers young women with physical differences to discover confidence and self esteem through outdoor recreation and mentorship.
Donations accepted:
https://shelift.org Founded by Sarah Herron (previous Bachelorette contestant)
“The WBDC (Women’s Business Development Council) has helped more than 18,000 women across 169 Connecticut towns become better business people. WBDC is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to providing the tools and resources to help women thrive in business. With a belief that if desire, education, and preparation come together, opportunities are created, and economies are expanded. The WBDC provides training and education necessary for women to launch and grow their businesses.”
NOT YOUR AVERAGE BRACELET BRAND.
We didn’t just want to be another cute bracelet brand. Screw that. The facts are clear - all of these causes are in desperate need of additional financial support and awareness and we knew we needed to do our part.
Every bracelet donates $5 to the cause it supports. We worked tirelessly to find nonprofit organizations that are actively making positive strides towards change and really need our help to continue to do so.
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