boiMAG
3712 N. Halsted St. #601 Chicago, IL 60613 773.975.0264 Editorial: boieditorial@aol.com Advertising: boiads@aol.com EDITORIAL Mike Macharello: Production Rick Karlin: Editor layout & design Titanium Graphics, Inc. advertising Freddie: freddie@boiMAGazineChicago.com Dave: dave@boiMAGazineChicago.com photographerS Oliver Aguilar Eamonn Sexton Cover Photos: Iggy Munoz, Candymoon Photography editorial contributors Gregg Shapiro, Ace Magyar, Harry Taint, Anita Taylor
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“Knock Knock” Food Delivery Brings Home Cooking To You
Home Cooking
DELIVERY
When it comes to winter in Chicago, sometimes it’s just not worth it to go out. That doesn’t mean that you have to live on Ramen if you don’t know how or don’t want to cook. Even in the worst weather, you can still go on line and order anything from a burger and fries to a gourmet meal. We’ve grouped our selections according to popularity and dining times.
Most Popular
The folks over at GrubHub.com recently named the city’s top restaurants providing delivery. The places on the list below are those that tallied the highest in the number of deliveries. Such a list, understandably, favors those restaurants that deliver to densely populated areas along the lake front. Still, they must be doing something right to rack up so many deliveries.
TOP RATED DELIVERY Cozy Noodles & Rice,
3456 N. Sheffield, 1018 Davis, Evanston cozychicago.com
Satay, 936 W. Diversey satayrestaurantonline.com John’s Pizzeria, 2104 N. Western johnspizzachicago.net Azteca de Oro, 3731 N. Clark St. aztecadeorogrill.com Peking Chinese Kitchen, 3167 N. Halsted St. pekingchinesekitchen.net Chicago’s Pizza, 3006 N. Sheffield, 3114 N. Lincoln, 1919 W. Montrose and 4520 W. Irving Park, chicagos-pizza.com Rosati’s Pizza & Deli, 126 W. Grand Ave. californiastyledeli.info Irazu, 1865 N. Milwaukee, irazuchicago.com Pete’s Pizza, 3737 N. Western and 1100 W. Granville, pizzapetes.com
Stuck at Work?
Of course, it doesn’t matter how good or how popular a place is if it doesn’t deliver to your location. For those living in the Loop, finding delivery can be harder to find than a parking space. Granted, it is somewhat easier during lunch hours, but what about late night, when you’ve stayed late because you’re working on a deadline or for those who live downtown. Check out these reliable favorites when you’re looking for something other than fast food in the downtown area. Hash House A Go Go, 1212 N. State St. hashhouseagogo.com/chicago Grange Hall Burger Bar, 844 W. Randolph, grangehallburgerbar.com Covo Gyro Market, 1482 N. Milwaukee, covogyro.com Maison, 330 E. Randolph, maisonbrasserie.com G.R.K. Greek Kitchen, 219 W. Washington, eatgrk.com The Local Chicago, 198 E. Delaware, thelocalchicago.com Abou Andre Mediterranean Bistro, 60 E. Jackson, abouandre.com
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Home Cooking
DELIVERY
Late Night Munchies
You know how it is, you’ve been cramming all night for an exam, or prepping a presentation for work, or fell asleep in front of the television and you’re suddenly starving. Of course, there’s nothing in the fridge but a bottle of vodka and something green and fuzzy (and it’s not a cat toy!) Who you gonna call? Not Ghostbusters, but one of these places known for late night delivery.
LATE NIGHT DELIVERY Deluxe Diner, 6349 N. Clark, deluxedinerchicago.com Flaming Wok N’ Grill, 903 N Halsted, flamingwokngrill.com Pie Hole, 3477 N Broadway, pieholepizzajoint.com Taco Burrito King, 114 W. Chicago, 5 S. Wells, 811 W. Jackson, 3216 N. Harlem, 5601 S. Harlem, 6701 W. Touhy in Niles and 11 E. Oakton in Des Plaines, tacoburritoking.com Late Night Thai, 1650 W. Belmont, latenightthai.com
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Rock’n ‘Round the Clock
What about those times when you’re out at the bars and you’re not ready for the night to end? Maybe you and your buds are just having a great time, or perhaps you haven’t quite sealed the deal with your Miss or Mr Right now. There’s nothing more romantic than a 24-hour diner, and these are some of the best in town. Check on the hours, because while New York is the city that never sleeps, the same can’t be said about Chicago and some places are only 24 hours on weekends. Hollywood Grill, 1601 W. North, hollywood-grill.com Deluxe Diner, 6349 N. Clark, deluxedinerchicago.com Golden Nugget, 1765 W. Lawrence, 2406 W. Diversey, 3001 N.
Central, 2720 N. Clark, 4229 W. Irving Park, 3234 W. Irving Park and 3959 W. Diversey, goldennuggetpancake.com
Clarke’s, 1447 E. 53rd, 2441 N. Lincoln, 1704 N. Damen, 930 W. Belmont, The Diner Grill, 1635 W. Irving Park Golden Apple, 2971 N. Lincoln Jeri’s Grill, 4357 N. Western Ave. 773-631-6643 White Palace Grill, 1159 S. Canal El Charro, 2410 N. Milwaukee Steak & Egger, 1174 W.Cermak, 5601 W. Roosevelt and 5647 W. Ogden in Cicero, steaknegger.com IHOP (aka GuyHop or GayHop), 3760 N. Halsted and many other locations in Chicago, ihop.com Melrose Restaurant, 3233 N. Broadway Elly’s Pancake House, 101 W. North, 5050 N. Cumberland in Norridge and 1142 W. Devon in Elk Grove Village,
ellyspancakehouse.com
Winter Blues By Anita Taylor
If you find yourself depressed each winter, you are not alone. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a mood disorder in which people who have normal mental health throughout most of the year experience depressive symptoms in the winter, spring or autumn, year after year. Also known as winter depression, winter blues, summer depression, summer blues, or seasonal depression, SAD is not a unique mood disorder, but is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), as “a specifier of major depression”. Although experts were initially skeptical, this condition is now recognized as a common disorder. SAD was formally described and named in 1984 by Norman E. Rosenthal at the National Institute of Mental Health. The U.S. National Library of Medicine notes that, “some people experience a serious mood change when the seasons change.” 12 boiMAG
Symptoms of SAD may consist of difficulty waking up in the morning, morning sickness, tendency to oversleep and over eat, especially a craving for carbohydrates, which leads to weight gain. Other symptoms include a lack of energy, difficulty concentrating on or completing tasks, and withdrawal from friends, family, and social activities and decreased sex drive. All of this leads to depression, pessimistic feelings of hopelessness, and lack of pleasure, which characterize a person suffering from this disorder. Seasonal mood variations are believed to be related to light. An argument for this view is the effectiveness of bright-light therapy. SAD is measurably present at latitudes in the Arctic region, such as Northern Finland where the rate of SAD is 9.5%. One possibility is that SAD is related to a lack of serotonin, another theory is that the cause may be related to melatonin, which is produced in dim light and darkness by the pineal gland. There are many different treatments for classic (winterbased) seasonal affective disorder, including light therapy with sunlight or bright lights, antidepressant medication and cognitive-behavioral therapy. Light therapy has been used for more than 20 years to treat SAD and is recommended as a first-line treatment. Lamps which simulate actual sunlight are widely available and many of the lower priced devices (available at Big Lots and Wal-Mart) have proved just as
effective as equipment costing ten times as much. Effective doses of light therapy vary depending on the individual. Patients are typically advised to sit “within several yards� of the device and glance occasionally (rather than stare) at it. Commercial light boxes are not regulated by U.S. law and, as such, vary in effectiveness and quality. Light therapy does not work for everyone. Twenty to fifty percent of those diagnosed with SAD do not gain adequate relief from it. Other courses of treatment include antidepressant medication, cognitive and behavioral interventions and negative air ionization, which involves releasing charged particles into the sleep environment. Depending upon the patient, one treatment may be used in conjunction with another.
Physical exercise has shown to be an effective form of depression therapy, particularly when added on in addition to another form of treatment for SAD. One particular study noted marked effectiveness for treatment of depressive symptoms when combining regular exercise to bright light therapy. Patients exposed to exercise that had been added to their treatments in 20 minutes intervals on the aerobic bike during the day along with the same amount of time underneath the UV light were seen to make quick recovery. So, perhaps our mothers were on the right track when they encouraged us to go out and play.
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Saint at Large Rough Trade at Luna Park Takes Over NYC’s Roseland Ballroom March 22-24! The Saint At Large announced that the theme for this year’s “Rites XXXIV: The Black Party”, held on Saturday, March 23, will be “Rough Trade at Luna Park.” The Black Party, held at the legendary Roseland Ballroom, attracts 5,000 attendees. “Rough Trade at Luna Park”, imagines itself set on the outskirts of Rome in an abandoned amusement park, with a band of Moto-Gladiators convening for their annual bacchanalia. “BPX” the Black Party Expo surrounds the party at the Roseland Ballroom, taking place from March 22-24, as a benefit for New York’s LGBT Center. The weekend-long series of events including with The Hookies (International Escort Awards), The Black Party Expo and Dirty Carnival. “The Hookies” on Friday, March 22,are the 2013 International Escort Awards celebrating the best in the male escort industry with awards in 15 categories including “Best Newcomer”, “Best Daddy” and the night’s top prize, “Mr. International Escort 2013”. On Saturday, March 23, Dirty Carnival pulls back the leather curtain, granting visitors access to the netherworld behind the biggest and most notorious gay dance party in the world. Featuring Dirty Carnival games, adult film stars, fetish art and fashions, attendees are free to shop for porn, sex toys, fetish wear, erotic art and mix and mingle with their favorite adult-film stars-at this behind-the-scenes gathering.
BLACK PARTY
The entire weekend is produced by The Saint At Large, which in its 30year history has earned a reputation for innovative innovation and staging. Its many other productions held at various times throughout the year are some of NYC’s largest attended, most anticipated events.
For more information go to thehookies.com and blackpartyexpo.com. boiMAG 15
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Tell us a little about yourself and your background
My Name is Kole Komarov and I’m 25 years old. I can say I am a lucky man to leave knowing that I have a partner and I’m completely happy and fulfilled. Those who really know me, they know I’m a quiet boy, simple and humble. I come from a family where we are 10 children, 8 females, 2 males, where I am the child to be born number 8. My mother was born in Italy and my father in Yugoslavia. But I was born in the City of Hollywood Miami. Where I lived for the first 5 years of my childhood until my parents decided to move to the city of Chicago, where it’s been my home for nearly 25 years.
What do you like to do in your free time? I Love to watch movie at home
and spend time with my daughter. I like going to the gym at lease one hour a day, it’s something which frees you from a lot of stress and also helps a lot with your personality and self-esteem. Also I like to go out and dance once in a while.
What was your first Job?
My first job was at the age of 18 years old, at that time in the clothing store Abercrombie & Fitch, Back then that was one of my favorite jobs, until one day I decided to enroll in a course of Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA). I can honestly say it was one of the most beautiful experience which helped me to grow as a man and even more as a human being. Being surrounded by so many elderly, where sadly many are abandoned by their families and everything they are looking for is our affection and warmth. At that point we become their family.
What lead you to modeling?
Like a lot of kids my age, many dream to be on magazine covers, runways or want to have their minutes of fame. But to me it’s honestly something I like and I’m attracted to the attention.
Do you have any special interests?
Some of my interests are higher education and what I would love to be someday is a marine biologist. Since childhood I always liked to enjoy the sea, but more so to discover and admire the beauty of all different species of animals, plants and corals that hide it in the depths of that vast sea.
What is your take on social media?
Each person has a different view about the social pages like Facebook or Twitter. In my opinion, they are just as important communication network, which in part allows many families that are separated for years would have the joy of contact by this type of medium. Children are exposed to dangers but parents have the responsibility and obligation to check and see who they talking to.
What’s your Favorite food?
I like Italian and my favorite restaurant is Calo at 5343 N. Clark St.
Any advice for our readers?
Whether you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender or straight, just try to live in peace and tranquility. boiMAG 19
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Rick Karlin’s Big Bite Whether you observe Lent or not, it’s a perfect reason to enjoy the quality seafood offered at some of Chicago’s best restaurants. From raw bars to fried favorites and season specials, all available at different prices and meals, a plethora of tasty dishes can be found on menus throughout the city. So get your fish on! Bel 50 features a fish & chips waffle sandwich, as well as one featuring smoked salmon and chive crème fraiche. At The Gage, where you can always get fish and chips they’re also offering a tuna “steak” a la plancha withchimichurri. Newly opened, The Local Chicago, tempts with lobster quesadillas and butter poached lobster Oaxacan-style. Tavernita brings out a shrimp Cobb salad and “Buck a Shuck” oysters, which means just what it says, one dollar an oyster. Of course, meat eaters need their due, as well, so here’s a little buzz to keep you happy. The award-winning and much adored Smoque is opening a second location and this one will be in Lakeview. Can’t say anything more at this time, but I’ll give the specifics asap. Keep on Truckin’! With food trucks continuing to gain popularity, the variety of foods offered is increasing as well. The Tamale Spaceship is kitschy fun with servers in lucha libre masks. Check out where they’ll be at next by calling 312.909.7009 or going to the spaceship’s web site, thetamalespaceship.com. Haute Sausage is another favorite. I’m a sucker for their lamb sandwich and chutney chips. OMG! Check out the info at hautesausage.com or call 312.269.5300. These are a couple of my most recent discoveries, drop us a line at BOI (boieditorial@aol.com) and let us know about yours as well.
Dinner/Theater by Rick Karlin & Gregg Shapiro
Gregg Shapiro’s Theater Scene
Everyone is raving about Steppenwolf’s production of “The Motherf**ker with the Hat” starring Jimmy Smits. Catch it soon, it only runs through March. Northlight Theatre continues its 20122013 season with Matthew Lopez’s “The Whipping Man”. Next Theatre Company presents “Everything is Illuminated” at the Noyes Cultural Arts Center in Evanston, through March 31. Shattered Globe’s production of Lucinda Coxon’s darkly comic “Happy Now?” runs through March 2, at Stage 773 on Belmont. Premieres abound beginning with the Chicago premiere of Ruth Margraff’s “Stadium Devildare,” through Feb. 23 at Red Tape Theatre and the Chicago premiere of “The Aliens” by Annie Baker, through March 3, at A Red Orchid Theatre. The world premiere of the revised version of “columbinus,” written by Stephen Karam and PJ Paparelli, runs through March 10, at American Theater Company. Marriott Theatre in Lincolnshire presents the world premiere of “Now And Forever, The Music of Andrew Lloyd Webber,” through March 17.
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Other world premieres include a production “From Doo Wop to Hip Hop”, written and directed by Black Ensemble Theater Founder and CEO Jackie Taylor and Associate Director Rueben Echoles, at the new Black Ensemble Theater Cultural Center in Uptown, through Apr. 24. The Ruckus Theatre and Tympanic Theatre present the world premiere co-production “Brewed,” a new work written by Scott T. Barsotti, at Theater Wit on Belmont, March 2-24. The Den Theatre presents the world premiere of Don Nigro’s post WWII-noir play “City Of Dreadful Night” directed by ensemble member Ron Wells, through March 16. Music is in the winter air. The Broadway musical revue “A Grand Night For Singing,” showcasing the work of Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein, runs through March 10, at The Mercury Theater on Southport.
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Writers’ Theatre in Glencoe presents the Neil Simon/Cy Coleman/Dorothy Fields musical “Sweet Charity,” through March 31. Now in its fifth year in Chicago at the Apollo Theater, “Million Dollar Quartet,” continues through April 28, 2013. Midwest premieres include Anthony Del Col and Conor McCreery’s “Kill Shakespeare”, directed by Anderson Lawfer, March 4 – March 26 at Strawdog Theatre Hugen Hall on Broadway. Also at Strawdog Theatre, the Midwest premiere of the musical comedy “Improbable Frequency,” Feb. 24 through March 31. Saturdays through March 30, catch “Same Sex, Different Gays, Musical Tales of Relationships” at The pH Comedy Theater in Andersonville. Dustin Lance Black’s Prop. 8 play “8” is presented for one night only on March 10 at 7:30 p.m. at Arts Center of Oak Park, The Ernest Hemingway Museum in Oak Park.
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Marc Felion spends way too much time on the Internet. Along with his partner Fausto Fernós, he hosts the world-renowned Feast of Fun podcast, iTunes’ most downloaded talk show by guys who like to, you know, do it with other guys. Marc’s YouTube channel @feastoffun features him doing, as he puts it, “a lot of humiliating crazy shit” such as getting needles stuck in his face, frying food while in drag and smashing things with a hammer. He obsessively watches all the murder, horror and sci-fi TV shows on Netflix and dreams of one day beating Superman in an arm wrestling contest.
When did you come out and what was the experience like for you? I came out to my older sister the summer before 7th grade. She asked, I answered. But then, we never talked about it again until my twenties. I didn’t come out to my mother until I got into the relationship I am in now. I figured he’s the one so I might as well
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tell her. She was cool with it. Sadly, I never officially came out to my dad before he died, but he did meet a couple of my boyfriends so I guess he knew.
Please name five of your LGBT heroes and say a few words about why you chose them.
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves, but you wouldn’t know it if you’ve been to IML or spent a minute on Craigslist. I’m glad that more and more historians are finally coming to terms with the fact that our greatest president slept with men. Peaches Christ is at the intersection of two things that are near and dear to my heart- horror and drag. She’s a frequent guest on our show and we love exploring so many different topicshorror films that gay guys should see, gay serial killers, and we even did a whole show on smells where she read some smelly queens. Girls, Febreze is your friend.
Q&A
MARC FELION
Lady Bunny is so stupid that she’s a genius. A lot of people don’t realize that she is an incredible blogger and finds the most interesting things. Her humor is perfectly in tune with immature 12 year old that lives inside me. Fausto Fernos is my hero because he’s my biggest champion. I couldn’t ask for a better man and, hopefully soon, we’ll finally get married in Illinois. Christina Foxx Bruce, I’m absolutely fascinated by this remarkable person who went from being a 230 lbs professional male bodybuilder to a 200 lbs female bodybuilder. She is such an inspiration for living her truth with an amazing spirit and sense of humor.
What do you consider to be your most significant contribution to the LGBT community in Chicago and at large?
By showcasing local talent in our programming, Feast of Fun portrays Chicago as an exciting place to live and visit. Listeners from around the world say they’ve moved to the city or visited because we make Chicago sound like a great place. And, once here, it already feels like home. I guess you could say we’re good at recruiting. Our unique programming helps people make sense of the world around them while having a good laugh.
What are your future goals and aspirations?
Total world domination. Unfortunately, Madonna beat me to
Chicago Spotlight by Gregg Shapiro it. It didn’t work out so well for her anyway, so my goals are much humbler now: I’d love to continue doing what I’m currently doing since I receive so much incredible support from our listeners. I hope I’ll be creating the show for a long time. If Barbara Walters can do it at her age, so can I. I’d also love to create more video content and get involved in other people’s projects. I may even try out for RuPaul’s Drag Race. I’m really good at transforming this muscular mannish body into a delicate pretty lady.
Words of wisdom to the next LGBT generation.
You hear a lot about the gay community being obsessed with youth and beauty but one of the benefits of getting older is that there is an ever increasing number of young and beautiful people to sleep with. The older I get, the more hot young chicken I can fuck. (or sleep with, if you must) When you’re twenty, who can sleep with that’s younger, an 18 year old? But when you’re forty, a thirty year old is chicken. Seriously though, take care of your physical health and work on forming the best relationships you can have with the people around you. Happiness is something you work for, it doesn’t happen by accident.
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IN THE KNOW . . .
On The Go
VD Update On Valentine’s Day, the Illinois Senate took a historic step toward equality for all. It passed the Religious Freedom and Marriage Fairness Act. If the House approves the measure and Governor Quinn signs it, Illinois will become the tenth state to allow same-sex couples to marry… In a related note, Mike Ditka says a gay NFL player wouldn’t bother him. I don’t think he needs to worry. There are plenty of better-looking bears (and Bears) on most guy’s lists anyway... In a completely unrelated story, Lady Gaga cancelled her Valentines Day Chicago shows at the United Center., it was determined that Lady Gaga has a labral tear of the right hip. She needs surgery to repair the problem, followed by strict down time to recover. “I am completely devastated and heartsick,” Gaga said in a statement. “I’ve been hiding this injury and pain from my staff for a month, praying it would heal, but after one of my performances, I couldn’t walk.” You Don’t Have To Be Jewish... To have fun at Purim with Congregation Or Chadash, but would it kill you to call your mother once in a while? On Saturday, Feb. 23, the Or Chadash folks have a little fun with the campiest Jewish holiday there is, Purim! It’s kind of like Jewish Halloween, the party at the Or Chadash space, 5959 N. Sheridan, will include lots of food (have a nosh), a cooking contest (who makes the best cholent?), and, if
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you’re lucky, a Queen Esther look-alike contest. You’ll have such a good time you’ll want to book your tix for Or Chadash’s annual benefit gala on Saturday, March 16, at The Arts Club of Chicago. Behind Trap Door #3 Head over to Touché on Saturday, Feb. 23 for its 2013 Mr. Union Suit contest. The fetish night celebrates everybody’s favorite adult onesie, the union suit, with a special contest. Red or white, hang out all night and watch them drop their flaps… Or, head over to Spin to see Sharon Needles and The Princess (that sounds like a very sick fairy tale, doesn’t it?) “RuPaul’s Drag Race” season 4 winner Sharon Needles, is there to celebrate the release of her debut album PG-13. There will be two performances as well as a screening of the documentary “Sharon Needles”… The Wavefront Music Festival, a three-day summer beachfront music festival headlined by the world’s top electronic dance music artists, will return to Montrose Beach July 5-7... Paradise Soul at Queen! On Feb. 24 features guest DJ Abicah Soul, along with Donovan D3 and Michael Serafini. Host, Louis Lazu, Byrd Bardot, Sal-E, Ruby Dee. It all happens at Smart Bar, as usual. Back to Black “Boys to Men, Bedroom, Boardroom and Beyond” is the title of a panel discussion and reception on Thursday, Feb. 28 at 1039-1043 East 43rd St., Chicago in room 43. The “conversation” is all about Black (Continued on the following page)
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More
In The Know...
men, sexuality, networking, shared concerns, and collaborations that encourage brotherly love within our community. The event is free and open to the public. For more information, go to chiblackgaycaucus.org … On the same night, It’s “Lights Out” at Steamworks on Thursday, Feb. 28. Is Skokie ready for an influx of lesbians? On the other side of town, The Indigo Girls appear at the North Shore Center for the Performing Arts on Thursday, March 7…
Oscar Buzz Sunday, Feb. 24, is Oscar Night, the first of the three official gay holidays this year. Center on Halsted’s 2013 Oscar Party at Park West will feature a silent auction and raffle drawing during commercial breaks in the broadcast. Always a highlight, the silent auction will offer vacation packages, bar & restaurants certificates, theater & sports tickets, gym & personal services... Sidetrack Oscar Party will be hosted by Circuit Mom and her Golden Oscars…Vital Nights Oscars viewing party is at Chuck’s Manufacturing 224 N. Michigan Ave.
ON THE GO
March In March kicks off with a full weekend on Friday, March 1, Sidetrack will host the monthly “First Friday” networking benefit for Equality IL. It’s also the premier of “Sanctuary” at Castle Chicago with superstar DJ Chris Cox along with resident DJ Phil DaBeatz. Then on Saturday, TPAN’s annual big benefit “Chicago Takes Off” gives the strip show a “Neo Noir” turn at Park West. The two shows usually sell out, but you may be able to score a couple of tix at the door, and Hydrate’s presenting “Danger Zone”, a construction themed event with DJR. Stephen Colbert will be in town that same night hosting “gglassquerade” at The Four Seasons for the Lookingglass Theatre Company’s annual fund raiser. Don’t expect him to show up and take it off… It’s a busy night as Tony award winner, openly gay singer Levi Kreis appears at Davenport’s as part of his “Flying Solo” tour that same night. The next night, Beckie Menzie headlines at Mayne Stage with a new show, “Celebrate Me Home” and Mary’s Attic debuts “Dragstraveganza”... Finally, catch Judy Gold at UpComedy Club, March 14-16. Emmy Award- winning actress and comedian Judy Gold is best known as the star of the critically acclaimed Off Broadway hit show “25 Questions for a Jewish Mother”, for which she was nominated for Drama Desk Award for Outstanding Solo Performance. boiMAG 29
Ask Ace Advice by Ace Magyar
SEX&RELATIONSHIPS
Head Over Heels
I met a man who advertises as an escort and we had a great time. I asked him if he ever dated his clients and he said he did, but that he charged for them for the first three months so that he was certain that it would work out. We went on dates two nights a week for those three months. I wanted to continue, he said he really likes me but that he’s not certain if we’re right for a relationship. He said he needed a few weeks to think it over. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. I sent him flowers and bought him a Coach keychain for Valentine’s Day. He said that he’s still not sure that we can be a couple. We can date, but he says he’ll charge me for our dates. I’m thinking of taking him to Hawaii, do you think that will help him make a decision?
DEAR HOH,
I think that it will help him decide that he can string you along for an even longer period. Wake up and smell the coffee. This man has no interest in you other than the contents of your wallet. I’m certain that there have been instances of sex workers developing relationships with their “clients”, but those who truly care for someone don’t charge to spend time with them. Cut your losses and direct your energies elsewhere. It’s pay for play, so anything more is never, I repeat NEVER going to happen with this man.
Lesbian Bed Death
My wife and I are suffering what many refer to as LBD, lesbian bed death. We still love each other, but we’re more like sisters or roommates than lovers. We’ve tried arranging romantic evenings, tried erotic toys, even watched porn, but nothing has helped. Neither one of us has any desire to have sex with someone. We’re about to give up on the relationship.
DEAR LBD,
Every relationship goes through ebbs and flows in sexual activity. If your relationship is fairly new or this has only been going on a short time, it may be best to try to wait it out. Otherwise, I would suggest seeing a therapist who specializes in this kind of problem. Contact the counseling department at the Center on Halsted or Howard Brown. If they don’t have someone on staff with experience in this kind of situation, they may be able to refer you to a therapist who can help you.
Broke and Broken Hearted
I lost my job eight months ago and haven’t been able to find any work in my field. I wouldn’t be so upset, except that I cannot afford to keep my dog any longer. She has been with me for years and is a special needs dog. She has diabetes and her medicine is very expensive, I simply can’t afford it. I love her so much that the idea of giving her away breaks my heart. I’ve started rummaging through dumpsters behind restaurants for food so that I can spend what I’d usually spend on groceries for her medication. I got very sick from something I ate, so I’m afraid to do that anymore. I can’t bear the thought of having her put to sleep, and I couldn’t afford it anyway.
DEAR BABH,
There is no reason for you to give up your beloved pet or to eat out of dumpsters. Many food pantries will provide food for you. You can also contact some of the pet rescue organizations, such as PAWS. They can arrange for temporary foster care or even free medication. It seems as if you are losing your ability to focus on ways to solve your problem, which leads me to think that you’re suffering from emotional distress as well. Go to a mental health facility and get some help. Many have free or pay what you can options.
Ace Magyar has a BA in communications, a MA in sex therapy and a PHD in zoology. He is a registered couple’s counselor specializing in the GLBT community. Send your questions to ASK ACE at boieditorial@aol.com.
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