19.14 - Halloween I by boiMAGazine & boiMAG.com

3700 N. Halsted St. #2-S Chicago, IL 60613 773.975.0264 Editorial: boieditorial@aol.com Advertising: boiads@aol.com

EDITORIAL Mike Macharello: Publisher Rick Karlin: Editor

layout & design Titanium Graphics, Inc.

advertising Freddie: freddie@boiMAGazineChicago.com Dave: dave@boiMAG.com National, Rivendell Media: sales@rivendellmedia.com

photographerS Eamonn Sexton Ken Brown, KAB Photography

COVER Witches Among Us, premier of a new GLBT themed musical

editorial contributors Gregg Shapiro, Ace Magyar, Parker Carr Sue Deaunym, Anita Taylor, Michael Elder

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SCREAM SCENE HAUNTED HOUSES Basement of the Dead

2 W. New York St., Aurora 630.896.2466 In Walker Laundry two employees were maimed and scalded, the laundry eventually closed and the basement was never used again. Businesses have come and gone but nobody stays, saying the basement is haunted. $25-$35

FEAR FACTOR: Very Scary www.4fear.com/ We love haunted houses. It’s a way to get the adrenaline rush of a real scare without being in danger. Every year haunted houses pop up all over Chicagoland. They run the gamut from mildly shocking (good for 10 and under or the easily spooked) to very scary (they’ll make you jump and get your heart racing). Many are fund raisers for community groups; some are presented by teams of theater professionals. Lines at these attractions tend to be longer on Fridays and Saturdays. The lines and wait times also increase as you get closer to Halloween. Almost all now offer higher priced VIP tickets, allowing you to by-pass the lines. However, if you go on a Thursday or early in the season, there’s usually no need to pay the VIP admission. Check the web sites for hours and confirm ticket prices, most allow you to buy your tickets in advance. Here are some of our favorites, rated for FEAR FACTOR from:

Mild, Scary to Very Scary

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Saint Pascal's Catacombs

6143 West Irving Park Rd., Chicago 773.725.7641 Offers the “Triple Haunt VIP” pass with Hair Razor Haunted Scenes and Scream Scene (see info. below) It’s $30 for a VIP pass to each haunted house, $9 for individual admission, with a special $5 admission on Thursday, Oct 23.

FEAR FACTOR: Scary

www.scarypopcorn.com

Hair Razor Haunted House

6725 W. Devon Ave. 773.792.3077 St. Thecla Parish presents more than 6,000 square feet with 24 different scenes, eight of which are new for the 2014 season. $12-$17. Scary www.hauntedscenes.com

Scream Scene

4701 Oakton St., Skokie 847.674.1500. Skokie Park District converts its Water Playground into a maze hosting chainsaw maniacs and insane clowns. $10

FEAR FACTOR: Scary www.screamscene.org

Fear City Chicago

8240 N. Austin Ave., Morton Grove Always one of the best haunted houses in the area, Fear City, occupying a 40,000 square foot warehouse, is put together by professional set designers and actors. This year, Fear City adds an attraction within the attraction. “Our Lady of the Cursed” portrays an abandoned school for girls in a decaying urban jungle. $20/$25 or $35 for both haunts; $10 VIP Fast Pass upgrade.

FEAR FACTOR: Very Scary www.FearCityChicago.com

Frightmare Haunted House

Haunted Trails Amusement Park 7759 S. Harlem Ave., Burbank 708.598.8580 A two-story, dark and scary maze, situated in a year-round Halloweenthemed amusement park. $12, $25 for admission and unlimited rides and attractions at the adjoining amusement park.

FEAR FACTOR: Scary

www.frightmarehauntedhouse.com/

The 13th Floor

1940 George, Melrose Park The local outpost of a chain of haunted houses also found in Denver, San Antonio and Phoenix, has adopted, appropriately, Rob Zombie as its spokesperson. It has been featured on television shows “America Haunts”, The Travel Channel, Hauntworld Magazine, MTV, and USA Today. Ticket price includes admission to both haunted houses; The Rising and Dead End District. $24.99-$26.99 (depending upon date) +$10 addition fast pass (minimal wait) +$20 VIP (appointed arrival time)

FEAR FACTOR: Very Scary www.13thfloorchicago.com/

Statesville Haunted Prison

17250 S. Weber Rd., Crest Hill 877.SCARED2 The prisoners have rioted, the guards have fled, darkness has seized control of this maximum security prison and our warden has opened the gates for visitors. After the prisoners have processed “the meat/visitors”, they (meaning you) are forced to find their way through 23 maximum security cells and come eye to eye with over 100 criminals that were too evil to die. $30-$45

FEAR FACTOR: Very Scary

www.statesvillehauntedprison.com/ Of course, the granddaddy of them all is Great America’s Fright Fest at Six Flags

in Gurnee. The entire amusement park is turned into a haunted house, with the rides and attractions taking on a sinister mode, such as: Deadwood Grove, Sector 7 filled with zombies, Manslaughter Manor, a bizarre sideshow circus and more lighthearted attractions such as Scary-oke and make-up demonstrations. $33.49 to $51.99 FEAR FACTOR: Mildly to Very Scary. www.frightfest.sixflags.com boiMAG

WITCHES AMONG US By Anita Taylor

of this exciting musical,” says NAFT Artistic Director, Anthony Whitaker explains, “Since most of “Witches Among Us” is set in a nightclub, we decided to stage the play in a club, making it more of an environmental piece,” explains Caitlin Jackson, of NAFT. “The audience for the play will also be the audience in the Mambo Voodoo Lounge, the fictional nightclub in the play.”

World Premiere of New GLBT-Themed Musical New American Folk Theatre (NAFT) present the world premiere of “Witches Among Us" at The Call, beginning Friday, Oct. 3 and running every Friday until Nov. 7. The play is the second in New American Folk Theatre’s “Season of the Witch”, following the critically acclaimed “Dark of the Moon.” “Witches Among Us” is a satirical musical set in the mid-1960s, when witchcraft became a code word for all of the things that Joseph McCarthy didn't like. Drawing inspiration from such classics as “I Married a Witch”, “Bell, Book and Candle” and, of course, “Bewitched” (which debuted in 1964.) The story is an allegory for the Stonewall Riots which kicked off the modern GLBT movement. “The fact that this is all converging at a time when television shows about witches are popular is a wonderful coincidence. 'Witches Among Us' has been in development for more than five years and we’re excited to present the world debut

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The songs, by local musician Scott Free, are written in the style of the lounge music of the era. Scott Free (2010 inductee into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame and two-time winner of the OUTMusic “Out Musician of the Year” award) has written a magical, loungey jazz score to accompany the hilarious new script by Rick Karlin (1999 inductee into the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame, and playwright of “Spin Cycle” the first gay-themed musical to be reviewed by the mainstream press when it debuted in 1981). This is the pair’s first collaboration. Karlin says, “When I first came up with the idea for this play my husband suggested Scott as a collaborator. I had seen him perform and was a fan of his music, but had no idea he’d be so good at recreating the sound of lounge music from the early to mid-‘60s.” The Cast for “Witches Among Us” features Caitlin Jackson*, Matt Huston*, Sarah Blevins, Kirk Jackson*, Christopher Selefski, Julia Chereson, Max Hinders, Joshua Wheeler, Jamal Howard*, Jordan Grzybowski, Steve Cox, Mario Mazzati, Taryn Wood, Katy Fattaleh and Anthony Powell. "Witches Among Us" Friday, Oct. 3-Nov. 7 at 7:30 p.m. The Call 1547 W. Bryn Mawr Tickets: $15 for general admission, $20 for VIP seating, 21 and over only. Tickets are available at the door or online at witchesamongus.brownpapertickets.com. Visit newamericanfolktheatre.org for more information.

GARDEN OF EVE Howard Brown Health Center (HBHC) spins at venues all over Chicago, including the former Spin nightclub supporters are gearing up to bust and Pint in Wicker Park. a move on Nov. 7 at a battle of the DJs during the fifth annual “Garden The night will close of Eve” party at Venue One, 1034 with Gloria Alers, W. Randolph. The evening will kick who is best known off at 6:30 pm with a VIP reception for her ability to offering guests exclusive access to intoxicate crowds the main event, VIP lounge, hors with a fusion of d'oeuvres premium bar and a first club, hip-hop, look and bidding opportunities on R&B, electro, salsa, raffle items. VIP tickets are $250, reggaeton and general admission $150. house music. The doors will open for general "The battle of the DJs guarantees admission at 7:30 and three DJs that this year's party will be bigger will spin their sets throughout and more exciting than ever," the evening, creating a dynamic gushes Bethany Minor, a longtime musical backdrop for this Pride XL Garden of Eve co-chair. "They are celebration of on the cutting edge of finding four decades new and exciting artists and music of community as well as playing some all-time service. First favorites." up will be All the Way Kay, The annual event raises funds a veteran to provide health and wellness Chicago entertainer for more than services to uninsured women 10 years experience as a headliner at HBHC. "Being able to at several events including: Back provide quality and culturally Lot Bash, Chicago's Ladies Pride competent health care to our Weekend. Chicago Reader Pride diverse community, regardless Cruise and the Halfway to MichFest of ability to pay, is our leading Party. priority," says David Ernesto Munar, HBHC President and CEO. Next up will be Katie "The financial support for these Kirby, who brings crucial services helps us narrow her dynamic the health disparities gap that musical forte to the disproportionately affects LGBT dance floor with a background as a producer, drummer, Chicagoans." vocalist, and member of pop rock For tickets to Garden of Eve, band Stiletto Attack. She currently Call 773.572.5117

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Motor Mouth KILLER CARS By Parker Carr

With Halloween almost upon us, I started to think of some of those horror movies and television shows where cars play a featured role. Of course, the most obvious is Christine, the bright-red rundown Plymouth Fury that has an insidious hold on its owner. The film (directed by John Carpenter), like the Stephen King book, is named after the titular vehicle. A high school student goes through a frightful personality change after he buys a fiery red 1958 Plymouth. The object of his obsession, Christine, kills everyone who jeopardizes their bizarre relationship. Two of my favorite sets of weird wheels evoke fond memories of watching reruns on Saturday morning television. The Munster Koach, from “The Munsters”, was customized by the legendary movie carmaker George Barris. The other was the Scooby Gang’s Mystery Machine, the van featured on “Scooby Doo.” It may have looked like a hippie’s ride, but it certainly seemed to have plenty of secrets (and I’m not talking about Velma’s barely disguised lesbian tendencies). Here’s a list of some of my other favorite killer cars. “The Car” A Lincoln Continental Mark III terrifies the town of Santa Ynez going on a rampage, committing a series of brutal homicides and breaking into homes, before it disappears into the desert. The auto was also customized George Barris.

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In “Duel" Dennis Weaver is being terrorized by; well it’s never clear whether it is a maniac truck driver or self-aware truck. Director Spielberg chose the truck by Peterbilt because its divided windshield and round lights were similar to an evillooking human face. The “Ghostbusters” crew drove the Ecto 1. It was a 1959 Cadillac Miller-Meteor ambulance that was once a hearse, before it underwent some pretty intense customization. Steve Zahn and Paul Walker learn the hard way that it’s better not to play a prank on a cross-country trucker in “Joy Ride.” In “Death Car on the Freeway" an unseen psycho in a van punishes women who he feels don't know their place, which, apparently, is not driving on the freeway. In Quentin Tarantino’s “Death-Proof” four girls are murdered with a 1971 Chevy Nova and a 1969 Dodge Charger, which have been converted into vehicular homicide machines by a psychotic former Hollywood stunt man (Kurt Russell). The evil twin of KITT, David Hasselhoff's four-wheel partner in “Knight Rider”, KARR (Knight Automatic Roving Robot) appeared in many episodes of the series and was featured in one episode of the 2008 remake. “Maximum Overdrive” is another of Stephen King’s works featuring various murderous vehicles. This time, not just a car, but also, a gang of sinister semi-trailers. If you think I’ve left a killer car off the list, drop me a line at boieditorial@aol.com.

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FIT TIPS

Planks

A One Stop Shop for the Core

By Michael Elder

• Start off on a yoga mat in the pushup position. • Lower both your forearms to the ground so that both your elbows and fists are flat to the ground. Your palms should be balled up, and directly underneath your shoulders. • Curl your toes under and engage your abs by tilting your pelvis and pulling your belly button toward your spine.

When it comes to training the core in a quick, efficient, and effective manner, nothing beats the Plank. There are many different variations of the Plank, but this article is focused on the traditional version and the side plank. What makes it such a great exercise is that it trains the entire core all at once. The abdominals are the main focus, but the obliques, glutes, and lower back are also challenged.

• Straighten your body but keep your neck and spine neutral. • Flex your abdominals and squeeze your glutes. • Hold this position until you reach fatigue. Keep your eyes on the floor in front of you. Avoid raising your behind. Your body should make a straight line from your heels to the back of your head.

The Side Plank is another great exercise that targets the obliques specifically.

To perform the exercise: • Lie on your side on a mat. • Place your forearm that is on the mat so that it is perpendicular to your body. • Place your lower leg directly on top of your lower leg and straighten your legs and hips.

These exercises may look deceptively simple as they involve an isometric contraction (no movement). But make no mistake, you will feel the burn!

• Raise your body upward until your body is in a straight line from your feet to the top of your head. • Hold this position until you fatigue and then repeat on the other side.

Michael Elder has been working as a fitness professional in Chicago for the last fifteen years. He comes from a background in gymnastics and is certified as a personal trainer through the American Council on Exercise (ACE). He can be reached directly through his website: www.MichaelElder.com.

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iMUSIC By Gregg Shapiro

OCTOBER SOUL Devonte Hynes didn’t need the extra publicity. He was already having a pretty good year. His Cupid Deluxe, released in late 2013 under his Blood Orange moniker, made several best-of lists and continued to get attention well into 2014. He made the cover of Out Magazine, like so many of our straight allies, and received props from his GLBT fans. Then, he was propelled into the national spotlight following a purported assault by security during the 2014 Lollapalooza music fest, magnifying an increasingly racially tense summer culminating in the murder of Michael Brown by police in Ferguson, Missouri. In light of all that’s occurred, if you haven’t heard the Blood Orange disc yet, now’s the time. A buffet of beats and bold experimentation, Cupid Deluxe is a tasty and seductive statement on 21st century soul. “You’re Not Good Enough” makes good with a lightly funky approach, while “Uncle Ace” revisits vintage disco. “Always Let U Down” and “Time Will Tell” almost makes the `80s sound better than it did the first time around.

Support” and “Lay Me Down” confirm that Smith’s time has come. Sam Smith wasn’t the year’s only soul stud. Booty-obsessed Jason Derulo earns his “Parental Advisory” label on the aptly titled Talk Dirty. A triumph of production over content, the title cut (featuring 2 Chainz) and “Wiggle” (featuring Snoop Dogg), contain the kind of memorable effects that give the songs a longer lifespan than they might have otherwise had. The same can be said for the brassy “Trumpets,” the snap and pop of “Bubblegum” (featuring Tyga), the kinky “Kama Sutra,” the zip of “Zipper” and the flickering “With The Lights On.” Leela James has spent the last few years perfecting her retro soul style, even going as far as paying homage to Etta James (no relation!). With Fall For You, James has her mind on the present and the future. “Who’s Gonna Love You More” retains the spirit of the vintage R&B that James has made her go-to sound, but it also feels distinctly current. That’s also the case with “Say That” (a duet with modern soul man Anthony Hamilton), “Set Me Free,” “Stay With Me” and the fantastic cover track and booty bumping “Save Me.”

On a mission to make soul and R&B too cool for school, Cold Specks, aka Al Spx, returns with Neuroplasticity. Cold Specks’ trademark “doom soul” takes on a bruised blues quality on songs such “A Broken The Brits sure do love their blue-eyed soul Memory,” “Old Knives,” “Absisto” and “A singers. That kind of love also extends to Formal Invitation.” Cold Specks is at her the States where Sam Smith has been most accessible on the suitably named elevated to superstar status, via his vocals “A Quiet Chill,” as well as “Let Loose The on the Disclosure single “Latch” and his Dogs” and the subtle funk of “Living Smith’s full-length debut album In The Signs.” Lonely Hour. An acoustic version of “Latch” can be found on the deluxe edition, Other soulful selections of the season which expands the original album by four include Incognito’s latest Amplified Soul, songs, including the simply irresistible Love And War by Tamar Braxton (of the Naughty Boy single “La La La.” As for the inescapable Braxton brood), Rise Again songs on the original album, “Money On by Lira and the radiant The Sun Room by My Mind,” “I’m Not The Only One,” “Life Avery Sunshine.

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What Becomes A Semi-Legend Most? Frank Marino Impersonates Joan Rivers

Frank Marino as comic icon Joan Rivers leads an all star cast of superstar female impersonators. in his role as the show's emcee and star Marino changes between every act bringing an international whirlwind of couture to the stage with each spectacular entrance. Marino always knew he would become a star, even as a small child, growing up in New York. What he didn't realize was that he'd have to be dressed up in glittering Bob Mackie gowns, and strapped into towering Manolo Blahnik stilettos to do so... and that's before he gets into his makeup, wigs and jewelry! "The ladder of success was even harder to climb wearing high heels!" Marino wittily quips.

From the moment he steps on stage you realize that there is no other entertainer like Frank Marino. It's not just his campy voice, his smoothly electric performance, or even his impeccable selection of clever comedy material. It's his energy He has appeared opposite Sandra Bullock “Miss Congeniality 2” or guest-starring in the hit Off-Broadway play "Tony n' Tina's Wedding." What does one do, when the inspiration for your act passes away? Much like Joan Rivers, he continues in the face of adversity. He was more than impersonating Joan Rivers, he was inspired by her.

After 25 years as the star of "An Evening at La Cage", Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman proclaimed Feb. 1, 2005 to be "Frank Marino Day." Frank also received a key to the city, had a street, Frank Marino Drive, named after him, and is immortalized with a star that bears his name on the Las Vegas Walk of Fame. In 2009, Marino was named Las Vegas' "Entertainer of the Century" and after performing to more than ten million people, he is Guinness book worthy; having the most performances on anyone appearing on a Las Vegas stage.

“I’m extremely devastated to hear the news of Joan’s passing. This is a lady that not only inspired my career with her amazing talent but was also the one to introduce me to the producers of my first show which kicked off my 30 year career of impersonating her. Whether she knew it or not, she was not only a good friend but also like a second mother to me,” says Marino. “I can’t imagine what my world is going to be like without having Joan in it every day. If in any small way I can keep her legacy alive in Las Vegas for years to come, it’ll truly be my honor.” boiMAG 25

THEATER SCENE By Anita Taylor

Halloween Fare Redmoon’s annual “Boneshaker” is just

one of many Halloween-themed events filling Chicago-area stages and datebooks. An outdoor fire garden, demonic comedy club, aerial performers, creative food and cocktails as well as a haunted attic maze is all part of this interactive seasonal extravaganza held at Redmoon’s Pilsen space, 2120 S. Jefferson, on Oct. 31. Free shuttle service is available with a variety of pick-up locations. Tickets are $75 until Oct. 24, $100 after, which includes snacks, desserts and open bar. Call 312.850.8440 Profiles Theatre stages the 20th anniversary production of Mamet’s “The Cryptogram” through Nov. 16. Hitchcockian menace hovers as this gripping play journeys back into childhood.

inspiring true story, plays at the Bank of America Theatre, Oct. 9 – Nov. 2... Griffin Theatre presents a re-vised version of the Tony Award-winning musical “Titanic” from Oct. 18 – Dec. 7... Black Ensemble Theatre brings back “At Last: A Tribute to Etta James”, featuring 15 of Etta James’ biggest hits, Oct. 24 – Dec. 28... Steppenwolf presents a compelling new drama “The Night Alive” by Conor McPherson, running through Nov. 16... “King Lear” featuring Larry Yando in the title role runs through Nov. 9 at Chicago Shakespeare... The classic Arthur Miller drama, “All My Sons” runs through Nov. 15 at Raven Theatre.

Divas Las Vegas

Polarity Ensemble Theatre presents its first in a series of events launching the two novels of “The Afterlife Trilogy” at the Greenhouse Theater Center Oct. 7. The event will include dramatic presentations of scenes from the two novels, cocktails, hors d’ouvres and a book signing. While not Halloween themed, per se, “Lipstick & Lyrics Into The Hood: A MaryTale” presented by Chicago Gay Men's Chorus is at Park West on Oct. 25. The event will feature dozens of production numbers, exquisite costumes and some of Chicago's sexiest professional dancers. Additionally, there will be a “Drag Auction” with the winning bidder becoming a drag princess with a role in that evening's performance. Tickets prices range from $35 - $100 and are available at www.cgmc.org.

In other news:

“Divas”, starring Las Vegas’ longest running headliner Frank Marino and featuring an allstar cast of superstar female impersonators, opens the Stardust Event Center at Blue Chip Casino in Michigan City for a threeday run starting Thursday, Oct. 16 with a 7 p.m. show time. The shows on Friday, Oct. 17 and Saturday, Oct. 18 are at 8 p.m. Doors open an hour before show time. The female impersonators in the show not only recreate but almost uncannily duplicate the likenesses and performances of stars such as Cher, Beyoncé, Dolly Parton, Diana Ross, Bette Midler and Madonna.

Gorilla Tango’s "Plath/Hughes" runs Oct. 18 –Nov. 15... The world premiere musical, “Amazing Grace”, based on an awe-

Tickets are $14.95 and available at Ticketmaster as well as at the Blue Chip Casino. This is an over-21 show.

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Chicago's

in the know ... ON THE GO!

By Sue Deaunym

be followed by a meet and greet for the new owners in the bookstore… You know those NOH8 pics you see all over? You can become one of them on Sunday, Oct. 5 at an open photo shoot for the NOH8 campaign by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska. Show up at City Center in a plain white shirt. It’s $40 for groups or $2 per person, which includes one retouched digital image. For more info, go to www. noh8campaign.com... The mouthful of an acronym OPALGA stands for Oak Park Area Lesbian and Gay Association. The group celebrates its 25th anniversary with a gala Oct. 25 on at the 19th Century Club. Go to www.opalaga.org for more information… On Sunday afternoon Oct 5, Gregg Shapiro returns to Chicago to read excerpts from his book “Lincoln Avenue: Chicago Stories” at Women and Children First Bookstore… Chicago House celebrates the 6th anniversary of its speaker series luncheon on Wednesday, Oct. 15 with special guest Laverne Cox at The Hilton. For more info, go to www.chicagohouse. org... He’s Cumming! On Monday, Oct. 13, Kids’ Stuff Put those kids to work. On Wednesday, Oct. Alan Cumming appears at The Music Box 22, an GLBTQ youth job fair “Work! Chicago” Theater in a conversation with former will be held at The Center on Halsted. For Chicago Magazine editor-in-chief Dick info, call 773.248.5200… On Thursday, Oct. Babcock. 16 wear purple against bullying… Oct. Secret Information 7 is the first Tuesday of the month, so it’s On Friday, Oct. 3 and Saturday, Oct. 4 the time for “Vives Q”, at Restaurant Blanco Y VIA Festival will feature queer rappers both Negro in Little Village. It’s a safe-space for nights in a secret location pop up space… GLBTQ youth and young adults to express For the Halloween fireworks party on themselves and celebrate their identities Oct. 25 and the Haunted Booze Cruise on through art, music, spoken word, dance Halloween you can get a $20 discount on and inter-generational dialogue. your ticket by using the code boi at www. yachtpartychicago.com. Ticket prices include Social Calendar dinner, dancing, costume contest and one Saturday, Oct. 11 is national Coming Out Day. Celebrate with HRC at its benefit www. drink at the after party at Bar Louis in River North. If you’re new to Uber they’ll even hrc.org... Apropos, on that same day, the take you the ship for free. city names a street in honor of Women & Children First Books. The event will

Cruisin’ the Clubs

You do have your tix for Sidetrack’s Night of 100 Drag Queens (this year’s is titled “Animal Queendom”) on Wednesday and Thursday, Oct. 22 and 23, don’t you? It’s a benefit for Equality Illinois, tickets are available at the bar or www.equalityillinois. us… Manhole brings back the legendary “Fetish Fridays” party on Oct. 3… Speaking of fetishes, if yours is for big furry men, head over to Touché for its “Bear Night” with the Great Lake Bears on Saturday, Oct. 4… Oct. 6 is the first Monday of the month, so Punch House in Pilsen brings in Chyna Gonzalez to host its queer dance party, “Potencia”… Get yourself geared up for Halloween with an “American Horror Story: Freak Show” viewing party on Wednesday, Oct. 8 at The Call… Stardust presents “Twirl!” on Thursday, Oct. 9 at Berlin… I don’t think “Dungeon Master Night” at Touché on Saturday, Oct. 11 has anything to do with that nerdy role-playing game, but then again…

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ASK ACE by Ace Magyar

Attracted to an Alum

I just heard from a college friend that a woman we went to school with is a lesbian. My friend didn’t hear it first-hand, but through a couple of other people. When I was in college, I was in the closet and knew the woman fairly well. We had some mutual friends, but weren’t what you would call close friends. I always had a bit of a crush on her and never knew she was a lesbian (if indeed she is). I would like to approach her, but don’t know how to do so, since I don’t know if she’s a lesbian or not. We live in the same city, but I haven’t seen her since graduation almost 10 years ago. How do I find out if she’s a lesbian and how do I ask her on a date?

Dear AA,

Here’s where Facebook can be very helpful. See if she’s on Facebook and send her a friend request. If she accepts, take a look at her friends, do you recognize any of them as lesbians? If so, chances are she’s a lesbian (or at least open-minded). Even if not, it’s a good way to ease back into a relationship, watch her posts to see if you get a feel for her personal life. If it appears she’s open, send her a private message and suggest meeting for coffee. From there, it’s just a matter of getting to know someone again. Of course, if she refuses your friend request or doesn’t seem interested in getting together, it may mean that she’s either A) not a lesbian, B) a lesbian-but not interested or C) not a lesbian and not interested. In which case, it would be best to just move on.

High School Heartthrob

My 20th class reunion is coming up. When I was in high school I had a friend with whom I would often double date. Afterwards, we’d go back to my house and we’d often end up having sex. Following that, he always acted as if it never happened, but he was also often the one that initiated the sex (and it was reciprocal). I haven’t seen him since we graduated but I have regularly thought of him. In fact, he’s one of my most prevalent masturbation fantasies. I can still picture him with his blond hair and great swimmer’s body. I’m on the reunion

committee and just found out that he’s coming, with his wife! I’m worried that I may make a fool of myself.

Dear HSH,

High school reunions are very stressful situations, even for those who had a good high school experience. Sometimes we regress back to the people we were then, not the mature adults we (hopefully) have become. Have you seen a picture of what he looks like now? I had a similar situation at my high school reunion and asked one of my friends to pull me aside if she thought I was going to do or say something. When the object of my past desire walked in, I turned to her and said, “Don’t worry.” He had let himself go so badly (and was so right-wing in his politics), that I knew that I would never, ever find him attractive again. If there’s anyone from high school with whom you are still close, ask them to act as your “guardian angel.” If not, bring a friend as a date. In either case set up a code word for them to use that you know means to back off or shut up.

Deliriously Happy

I met a great guy recently online and we finally got together for coffee. It was magical, we spent the entire afternoon talking, then went back to my place, snuggled together and watched a movie. We even made out for a while, but we both decided not to have sex right away. We’ve both had experiences with people who just want to hook up and you never hear from them again. We’ve been texting daily ever since and have plans to spend time together this weekend. I think he may be “the one.” I can’t stop thinking about him! I was thinking of making dinner and maybe getting him a gift of some kind, nothing big, just a watch or something. I was also thinking of renting a suite at the Ritz for our first night together. Am I moving too fast?

Dear DH,

In a word, yes. Back off, even if he is the man of your dreams and “the one,” you might scare him off by moving too fast. A watch is too generous a gift for this early in a relationship. Allow the relationship to unfold in a natural progression. It seems as if you are so eager that it might be best to let him take the lead, at least at first. Remember a fire that starts slow and builds gradually often lasts longer than an explosion.

Ace Magyar has a BA in communications, a MA in sex therapy and a PhD in zoology. He is a registered couple’s counselor specializing in the GLBT community. Send your questions to ASK ACE at boieditorial@aol.com

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