3700 N. Halsted St. #2-S Chicago, IL 60613 773.975.0264 Editorial: boieditorial@aol.com Advertising: boiads@aol.com
EDITORIAL Mike Macharello: Publisher Rick Karlin: Editor
layout & design Titanium Graphics, Inc.
advertising Freddie: freddie@boiMAGazineChicago.com Dave: dave@boiMAG.com National, Rivendell Media: sales@rivendellmedia.com
photographerS Eamonn Sexton Ken Brown, KAB Photography
COVER boi's BEST!
editorial contributors Gregg Shapiro, Ace Magyar, Parker Carr Sue Deaunym, Anita Taylor, Michael Elder
VIEW boiMAGazine ONLINE AT: www.boiMAG.com BOI Magazine, Inc. © 2000−2014 All rights reserved For our online readers, the blue underline text are active links
boiMAG
By Rick Karlin
While it may not have been as important as the recent election, the ballots for Boi’s Best are in and the votes have been counted. We asked our readers to pick their favorites, in a number of categories, in our online voting poll. Some of the results were what we expected and some were surprising. Every year we get some votes that just baffle us. Touché is not a drag bar, sports bar or a lesbian bar, nor is it a neighborhood. Since the survey requires voters to type in their answers, we get some creative spellings and misnomers. For the record the bars are Halsted (not Halsteads), Progress (not Progressive) and it is Sidetrack, not Sidetracks or Sidetrack’s. This year we added a few new categories and eliminated some. We’re not including the results for categories in which there were no clear winners. Most of the restaurant categories had as many nominees as there were voters, the
same goes for the DJ category. boiMAG
Here are the results of the 2014 boi’s BEST readers’ poll.
Best Video Bar or Club
Sidetrack retains its crown for the 4th year in a row.
Best Dance Bar or Club
Newcomer ProgressBar was the clear leader, followed by Hydrate, Circuit and Roscoe’s, all in a dead heat for second place.
Best Hook-Up Bar or Club
The oldest bar on Halsted, Little Jim’s, takes the title, closely followed by Hydrate and Minibar. Manhole surprised us with a strong showing, not because we didn’t think folks hooked up there, but just because a place so new, made it on the list.
Best After-Hours Bar Club
Hydrate-no contest, it was far and away the clear winner getting nearly four times the number of votes as its nearest competitor.
Best Dive Bar
The original Halsted bar, Little Jim’s wins.
Best Latino Bar, Club or Promotion
The voters picked Circuit unanimously.
Best Drag Show
It’s a tie between Kit Kat and The Call, although Sidetrack’s “Night of 100 Drag Queens” got a few write-in votes.
Best Women’s Bar
The Closet, period, end of sentence.
Best Leather Bar
The winner is Touché, with Manhole close behind, not bad for a place that has been open only a few months.
Best Outdoor Space
Best Neighborhood
The most hotly contested category: While Boystown/Lakeview was the clear winner, Andersonville and Edgewater were very close in the votes.
Kit Kat and D.S. Tequila, while they couldn’t have a more different vibe, they were tied. Big Chicks, Replay and Sidetrack were all a close second.
Best Suburban Bar
It was nearly unanimous for Phoenix. To the person who voted Inn Exile, we’ll point out that while far from Boystown, it is not in the suburbs... and to the person who voted for Hunter’s, you need to get out more often.
Best Stripper Bar
Lucky Horseshoe wins yet again, although many fondly remember Cocktail’s go-go boys.
Best Sports Bar
Crew wins again this year, with Halsted’s and North End tying for second place
Most Romantic Bar/Club
Halsted Street's smallest bar, Elixr, is also its most romantic.
Best Food in a Bar or Club
This was a hotly contested category, but D.S. Tequila wins, followed closely by Hamburger Mary’s, Crew and Kit Kat In the restaurant category nearly every voter selected a different place, so we eliminated those categories. However for the following categories, there were plenty of votes for each winner.
Best Neighborhood Restaurant
Lakeview’s Las Mañanitas and Andersonville’s Hamburger Mary’s both made strong showings, while Hyde Park came in third with Mellow Yellow. ...continued on following page
boiMAG
Best Adult Bookstore
Halsted Street's playground, The Ram, takes the honors.
Best Venue for Live Music
When it comes to live music, nearly everyone chooses Mayne Stage.
Local Celebrity
Miss Foozie is going to have to duke it again, this time with Circuit Mom.
Local Drag Queen Best 24 Hour Restaurant
The Edge (part of the Golden Nugget chain) was followed closely by the IHOP (or as many indentified it, GayHOP.)
Best Pizza
Chicagoans may debate the merits of a variety of pizza joints, but our readers picked Lou Malnati’s for pan/thickcrust and Calo’s for thin crust.
Best Italian Restaurant
The one ethnic restaurant on which the majority of our readers agree is Angelina’s. This year we added a few new categories, many of which ended in ties or close races.
Another hotly contested category, but Mercedes Tyler wins by a nose.
Best Martini
If you can’t find a martini you like on the menu at Kit Kat you might as well go home.
Favorite Hook-Up App
Grindr edged out Scruff. I’ll have to take your word on this, dear readers. If I had loaded on my phone it would probably explode along with my head.
Best Bingo Night/Hostess
Miss Foozie and Paula Sinclaire will have to duke it out, as they got an equal number of votes.
Best Theatrical/Cabaret Show
Amy and Freddie were the clear winners when we asked our readers to select from a number of acts playing in the clubs. They were closely followed by Kit Kat’s Divas and “Snow White and the Seven Drag Queens.”
Favorite Promoter
It’s Circuit Mom. Was there any doubt?
boiMAG
Favorite Clothing Store
When it comes to dressing well, our community prefers to shop at Cram and Macy’s.
Best Theater Company
The winner, by a landslide is Hell in a Handbag, although About Face garnered a number of mentions. We asked for category suggestions and we did get one: Biggest Asshole. I’m afraid if we included that category, the number of folks voting would crash our server.
Hall of Fame By Rick Karlin
On Nov. 12 the Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame, the country’s only known government-sponsored hall of fame that honors members of the GLBT community, inducted fifteen individuals and two organizations in a ceremony at the Chicago History Museum. The inductees were selected by a committee composed of former inductees, which reviewed nominations submitted by members of the public. The Hall of Fame’s purpose is to recognize the achievements of GLBT Chicagoans, their contributions to the development of the city, and the help they have received from others. “This year’s inductees represent a swath of GLBT achievement in a variety of fields,” said Gary G. Chichester, co-chairperson of the organization. “Each year, the Hall of Fame is able to spotlight some of the many who have made contributions to their own communities and to the city as a whole.” Hall of Fame members are selected for one of three categories: “individual,” “organization,” or “friend of the community.” Nominees represent all of Chicago’s sexualminority communities, including GLBT Chicagoans, past, present, living, and dead, as well as those who have supported or assisted them. Those selected for the “individual” category are or were members of Chicago’s GLBT community and have made single far-reaching or significant long-term contributions to the quality of life of those communities or of the city as a whole. The 2014 inductees in the individual category include: Gerald Arpino (1923–2008), co-founder of the Joffrey Ballet, which is celebrating its 20th year in Chicago. His induction is in recognition of his more than 50 years as dancer, choreographer, and company director.
Jennifer Brier, historian of the GLBT community and of AIDS, in recognition of her work in Chicago, including co-curation of the 2011 Chicago History Museum “Out in Chicago” exhibition. Kelly Cassidy, an Illinois state representative, for her 21 years of Chicago political activism in women’s and GLBT rights, criminal justice, health care, and social justice. Terry Cosgrove, president and CEO of Personal PAC and a 1970s GLBT activist, for 25 years of advocacy and political consultancy in behalf of women’s reproductive choice rights. Christina Kahrl, the nation’s first openly transgender sports writer and a pro-transgender Chicago activist. Edward Mogul, lawyer, teacher, and president of the Illinois Academy of Criminology, for GLBT advocacy and for legal aid and philanthropy to GLBT groups. Lisa Marie Pickens, co-founder and board president emeritus of Affinity Community Services. Debra Shore, Metropolitan Water Reclamation District of Greater Chicago Commissioner, conservationist and political organizer. Ross A. Slotten, physician, medical faculty member, and biographer, for 30 years of providing supportive care, innovative treatments, and expert advice in the fight against AIDS. ...continued on following page boiMAG 11
Hall of Fame
40 years of unwavering advocacy for GLBT equality.
Bennet Williams (1947–2001), a community organizer and advocate for HIV and human rights.
Those in the “organization” category are businesses, organizations or nonprofit groups which have contributed to the betterment, understanding and support of Chicago’s GLBT community. This year’s inductees are:
Those nominated as a “Friend of the Community” are those who do not identify as GLBT, but have contributed significantly to the GLBT community of Chicago. The inductees in this category for 2014 include:
“Out & Proud in Chicago”, The WTTW initiative, produced television documentaries about Chicago GLBT history and personages, including its award-winning 2008 namesake production.
Lucretia Clay-Ward, an HIV/AIDS survivor, counselor, and advocate, for HIV-prevention Silk Road Rising, the Chicago theater project outreach and education, especially among which has showcased works of poly-cultural youth, sex workers, and substance abusers. GLBT stories. Heather A. Steans, Illinois state senator, long-time advocate for GLBT rights and chief Senate sponsor of Illinois’ 2013 marriage-equality bill. Clarence N. Wood, veteran human-rights advocate and former Chicago Commission on Human Relations chairman, for nearly
12 boiMAG
The Chicago Gay and Lesbian Hall of Fame was established in 1991 under the auspices of what was then the Chicago Commission on Human Relations’ Advisory Council on Gay and Lesbian Issues, a municipal government agency. At the end of 2011, the advisory council ceased to exist after a commission restructuring, and the Friends of the Gay & Lesbian Hall of Fame succeeded it as caretaker of the Hall of Fame.
Motor Mouth SEX APPEAL
By Parker Carr For Boi’s Best issue, what could be more appropriate than a list of the sexiest cars of all time? Just as with people, beauty (and sexiness) is in the eye of the beholder. I admit to having a preference to mid-century cars (and furniture) and a fondness for all things Italian, from a good pasta Bolognese to Italian actor turned model Gabriel Garko. I’m also fascinated with England during the mid ‘60s and often imagine myself zipping down Carnaby Street in a Morris Mini Cooper S on my way to lunch with the boys; John, Paul and George. I never found Ringo attractive, so he’s on his own. No doubt your list will be different from mine, so let me know your thoughts at boieditorial@aol.com. The 2000 Spyker C8 Spyder is all exposed rivets, toggles and turned aluminum. It’s a little quirky, like that tatted guy you see in the bar, all by himself. He may be a bit nuts, but he’s probably great in the sack. Maybe it’s because it looks like a giant dildo, but I find the 2009 Bentley oddly alluring. Besides it’s a Bentley which means money and as Marilyn Monroe said in “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes”, “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.”
Resist the urge to lean against the front fender of the 2001 Aston Martin Vantage V12 and say, “Bond, James Bond.” It was featured in “Die Another Day” as well as a number of video games. James Dean was driving a 1953 Porsche 550 Spyder when he had the crash that killed him. But its sex appeal overcomes gruesome nostalgia. This speedy automotive “Giant” can take a “Rebel Without A Cause” “East of Eden” in a flash. Even if it hadn’t been driven by Sexy Steve McQueen in “Bullitt” the classic 1968 Ford Mustang has long been the car of my dreams. If not a Mustang, the 1969 Chevrolet Camaro Z28 RS runs a close second on my wish list. The hood scoop and slot-hidden headlights gave it an aggressive and slightly dangerous look. Any sugar daddies out there willing to buy either (or both) for me? The 1961 Jaguar E-Type looks remarkably like a penis, one of nature’s most perfect creations. No less than Enzo Ferrari described it as "The most beautiful car ever made."
A bit ahead of its time the 2008 Peugeot RC Hybrid looks like it could be the Batmobile. Imagine flying into the Bat-Cave in this one and helping the superhero out of his tights.
Nothing says over the top luxury like the 1959 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz. The tail fins, the luxurious quilted upholstery and the vastness of it are seductive. And in pink, no less! If you had one now, you’d have to be pretty wealthy to drive it. I think it got about 12 mpg.
Who cares if the 1992 Dodge Viper looks like it’s the automotive version of a Viagra tab? The V10 drive train gives it the power to thrust. When I was a little pre-teen I had a crush on our next door neighbor and this is what he drove. So here’s to you, Mr. Robinson…
Re-enact your favorite scenes from “Downton Abbey” and pull up to your manor in a 1947 Rolls-Royce Wraith, especially if you’re meeting sexy Lord Gillingham. It just screams post-war England.
boiMAG 15
FIT TIPS
BUILD A SOLID BACK The Barbell Bent-Over Row
By Michael Elder
For decades, power lifters and exercise enthusiasts alike have been using the Bent- Over Barbell Row to develop significant strength and size in their backs. The main muscle group targeted here is the middle back; however the lats and rhomboids are also called into activation, as well as the core. This powerful exercise is exceptionally beneficial but can also be dangerous for those not trained in it properly. Proper form and technique are essential. Please read the directions in the sidebar carefully:
1. Grab a barbell, load some weight on it and set it down in front of you. 2. Stand with your feet at around shoulder width, bend at the knees and squat down to grip the bar with and overhand grip (thumbs at the bottom) and your hands wider than shoulder width apart. 3. Keeping your back straight, stand straight up so you're holding the bar in front of you against your waist.
A few extra tips to remember:
Make sure you bring the bar up to the correct position. Do not bring it up too high (to your chest) or too low (to your stomach).
Control the weight throughout the exercise. Don't allow it to drop quickly and pause for a count of 1 at the top of the movement.
And finally (most importantly) keep your back straight! If you bend at the back, you're using too much weight. Keep your head up, and eyes looking forward throughout the whole movement. You might want to use a weight belt and squeeze the back of the belt with your lower back. This will ensure that you keep your back straight. Do the bent over row in front of a mirror or get a training partner/personal trainer to check your technique.
When done correctly, this is truly one of the best exercises you can do for the back. I recommend getting some in- person instruction first. But once you do, you’ll be hooked!
4. To get into the starting position bend your knees slightly, and while keeping your back straight let the barbell slide down your thighs until it drops just below knee level. This is the stance that should not change throughout the set. 5. Now pull the bar up to just below your chest. 6. Squeeze your shoulder blades together at the top of the movement. 7. Then slowly lower back to the start position. 8. Repeat for desired reps.
Michael Elder has been working as a fitness professional in Chicago for the last fifteen years. He comes from a background in gymnastics and is certified as a personal trainer through the American Council on Exercise (ACE). He can be reached directly through his website: www.MichaelElder.com.
18 boiMAG
iMUSIC By Gregg Shapiro
Hit-makers holiday
Early first-wave British invaders The Hollies, including Graham Nash (yes, that Graham Nash) and original lead vocalist Allan Clarke, were known for their impeccable harmonies, jangly guitars and infectious pop songs. The 50 track, triple disc (mono/stereo) compilation 50 at Fifty commemorates the 50th (!) anniversary of The Hollies’ first album and all those (featuring various line-ups) that followed, well into the 21st century. Of course, all the essentials can be found here, from “Look Through Any Window,” “I Can’t Let Go,” “Bus Stop,” “Pay You Back With Interest,” “On A Carousel,” “Carrie Anne,” and “Jennifer Eccles,” through “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother,” “The Air That I Breathe” and “Long Cool Woman,” and so much more. It’s no exaggeration to say that none of the British invaders; the Beatles, the Rolling Stones, the Who or the Hollies, sounded like The Kinks. Punk before punk was a thing (“You Really Got Me,” “All Day and All of the Night”) and unafraid to update music hall theatricality (“A Well Respected Man,” “Dedicated Follower of Fashion,” “Sunny Afternoon”), head Kink Ray Davies liberally applied humor to the band’s songs, earning them a devoted and far-reaching fan-base, including David Bowie, who wrote an essay for the liner notes to the double disc collection The Essential Kinks. Kinks classics such as “David Watts,” “Waterloo Sunset,” “Days,” a live version of “Lola,” “Apeman,” “Celluloid Heroes,” “(Wish I Could Fly Like) Superman,” “Better Things,” “Destroyer” and “Come Dancing,” speak volumes about the band’s importance, as well as its longevity (they recorded into the ‘90s). 22 boiMAG
Faceless corporate rock at its worst, Foreigner managed to ride out the 1970s with a string of chart-topping singles and forge ahead strongly into the 1980s. To the band’s credit, it adapted well, and by the time Foreigner released 1981’s 4 it sounded less out of touch than one might expect, especially on the huge new-wave influenced hit “Urgent,” and managed to release “I Want To Know What Love Is,” a song that became a classic anthem, a few years later. For an audio history of the band, check out the seven disc box set The Complete Atlantic Studio Albums: 1977-1991. It’s been said that part of punk and new wave’s rise, aside from the obvious political necessity, was in response to bands such as Foreigner. Out of punk and new wave sprang the revival of ska , an even more politically motivated style of music, combining punk and reggae’s energy and politics. The Clash, for instance, used to incorporate ska music into its compositions. Along with English Beat and Madness, The Specials, featuring distinctive lead vocalist and co-songwriter Terry Hall (later of Fun Boy Three), was one of the most influential bands of the ska scene. The 20-track musical anthology, The Best of The Specials, collects necessary tunes including “Gangsters,” “A Message To You Rudy,” “Nite Klub,” “Concrete Jungle,” “Friday Night, Saturday Morning,” “Ghost Town” and “Nelson Mandela,” to mention a few, in one place. Go ahead, admit it. The first time you heard Madeleine Peyroux sing you thought you were listening to Billie Holiday. It’s all right. You’re not alone. It’s not just Peyroux’s vocal timbre, it’s also her phrasing. Peyroux’s early fans (from the mid-1990s) had to wait eight years for her to put out a second album. After that she was on a virtual roll, releasing five albums in the first few years of the 21st century. The 15-track compilation Keep Me in Your Heart for a While includes tunes from her Atlantic debut as well as numerous selections from her Rounder years making it a keeper.
Legacy walk
DEDICATES THIRD PHASE By Rick Karlin
On Saturday, Oct. 11 the Legacy Project dedicated seven additional bronze plaques to the pylons lining Halsted. The plaques honor individuals, organizations and events of significance to the GLBT community. The plaques dedicated on Oct. 11 honor the following; Audre Lorde (1934-1992) was a Caribbean-American poet/writer, radical feminist and civil rights activist. Lorde considered herself a "lesbian, mother, warrior, poet", and used poetry to get this message across. Her main goal was to empower black people and lesbians and to encourage everyone to be comfortable in their own skin. Cole Porter (1891-1964) was an American composer and one of the major songwriters for Broadway musicals. Unlike many successful Broadway composers, Porter wrote the lyrics as well as the music for his songs. His most successful musical, “Kiss Me, Kate,” won the first Tony Award for Best Musical. His numerous hit songs include "Night and Day," "I Get a Kick Out of You," "I've Got You Under My Skin," "My Heart Belongs to Daddy" and "You're the Top." He also composed scores and wrote songs for films from the 1930s to the 1950s, including "In the Still of the Night" and "True Love." Mildred “Babe” Didrikson (19111956) was an athlete who gained world fame in track and field and AllAmerican status in basketball. She played organized baseball and softball and was an expert diver, roller-skater, and bowler. She won two gold medals and one silver medal for track and field in the 1932 Los Angeles Olympics. She went on to become America's first female golf celebrity and the leading player of the 1940s and early 1950s. She had a “marriage of convenience” with professional wrestler George Zaharias.
David Kato (1964-2011) was a Ugandan teacher and GLBT rights activist, considered the father of Uganda's gay rights movement. He served as advocacy officer for Sexual Minorities Uganda (SMUG). Shortly after winning a lawsuit in 2011 against a magazine which had published his name and photograph identifying him as gay and calling for him to be executed he was murdered. Dr. Sally Ride (1951-2012) was a physicist and, at the age of 32, became the first American woman in space. After flying twice on the space shuttle Challenger, she left NASA in 1987. She later served on committees that investigated the Challenger and Columbia space shuttle disasters. Ride remains the youngest American astronaut to travel to space. Father Mychal Judge (1933-2001) was a Catholic priest who served as a chaplain to the New York City Fire Department. Upon learning that the World Trade Center had been hit by the first of two jetliners, Judge rushed to the site. Judge administered the Last Rites to some bodies lying on the streets then entered the lobby of the World Trade Center North Tower, where he continued offering aid and prayers for the rescuers, the injured and the dead. When the South Tower collapsed he was killed, becoming the first certified fatality of the attacks. The Stonewall Riot (June 28, 1969) was a series of spontaneous, violent demonstrations by members of the gay community against a police raid that took place in the early morning hours at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in Greenwich Village. It is widely considered to constitute the single most important event leading to the gay liberation movement and the modern fight for GLBT rights in the United States. These tributes join the 23 plaques already in place along the Legacy Walk, making it the largest collection of commemorative biographical markers in the world. boiMAG 25
Chicago's
in the know ... ON THE GO!
By Sue Deaunym
All Aboard
We’re coming up on all the community holiday events. Kicking things off is the AIDS Foundation Chicago’s “World of Chocolate” on Thursday Dec 4 at Union Station. It follows on the heels of World AIDS Day, Dec. 1… CGMC’s Christmas show will be “Yule Tube” and it promises to be more than a video of flames and a crackling log in a fireplace… Another early sign of the holidays is spotting Hell in a Handbag’s production of “Rudolph the Red Hosed Reindeer.” It opens at Mary’s Attic on Thanksgiving and runs throughout the holiday season… But, before all that, it will be chickens eating turkey on Saturday Nov. 22 at the Center on Halsted for the third annual Thanksgiving dinner for GLBT youth. Food is courtesy of chef Shiane of Q-TeaPie and the event is hosted by Team 101 Chicago. This year’s event features special musical guests, Sister Speak.
with the Lakeside Pride Ensemble at The Preston Bradley Center on Sunday, Nov. 16. BTW if there was any doubt that Lea is a star it was settled on Halloween when I saw no less than three people dressed up as her character Big Boo from “Orange is the New Black.”… Gale Harold will play a gay character for the first time since his iconic performance as Brian Kinney on Showtime’s “Queer as Folk” in “Kiss Me, Kill Me,” the new murder mystery from director Casper Andreas (“Going Down in LA-LA Land”) and screenwriter David Michael Barrett (“Such Good People.”) The project reached its Kickstarter funding goal last week and the film is set to go into production in December. It also stars Van Hansis, from “As the World Turns,” and Logo’s acclaimed series, “Eastsiders.”…
Bar Belles
If it’s Monday, you can find Amy Armstrong at Roscoe’s hosting “Live Band Karaoke.” Why hasn’t anyone written a one woman show with Amy as Sophie Tucker?… Touché Punk Rock Night with DJ Germ on Friday, Nov. 14. If that’s not butch enough for you, stop by on Saturday, Nov. 22 for “Bear All.” The event features four hot men (Mike Malmore, Ken J. Martin, Homer Marrs and Scott Free) singing steamy, sweaty songs. The show’s hosted by Bryan Dowling, and the $10 donation goes straight (so to speak) to for performers… Sidetrack is mixing things up on Tuesday and Wednesdays. The videos on those nights will feature a mix of all of Sidetrack’s themes; pop, comedy, show tunes, rock and retro.
Stage & Screen
Lea DeLaria Hosts “Women in Music” boiMAG 29
ASK ACE by Ace Magyar
Drama Queen
My best friend moans and carries on at the same level no matter what the incident whenever anything negative happens. If I happen to knick my finger while cooking, his reaction is the same as most people would have if I cut off an entire finger. I appreciate that he’s so concerned for my well-being, but it gets a bit much to deal with. It’s not just with me that he does this it’s also other friends, his family and even complete strangers. How can I let him know his behavior is inappropriate (and annoying)?
Dear DQ,
I assume that you’ve told him how you feel. If not, that would be the first step and then point out his over-reaction next time he exhibits that behavior. If he continues to do so, the best thing to do is walk away and ignore him until he calms down. This behavior is no doubt deeply engrained and he feeds on the reaction he’s getting. I would be willing to bet that his family acts the same way. It can be annoying dealing with the boy who cries wolf when he sees a squirrel. If he doesn’t change you’re going to have to decide whether you are willing to overlook his behavior in favor of the friendship.
Spiraling Downward
I’m usually a very positive person and take problems in stride. Recently I’ve been through a few set-backs. I was part of the team on a collaborative project at work. One of my coworkers altered my section of the project before handing it in to our supervisor and just ruined it. Now everyone at work thinks I’m a complete idiot and don’t know what I’m doing. I’m afraid if I point this out it will look like sour grapes and put me in an even worse light with my colleagues. On top of that, the woman I’ve been dating for more than a year just dumped me and I lost my favorite uncle to cancer. This has all happened in the past few weeks. Now I just don’t feel like doing anything. I’m so unmotivated at work that I have trouble
concentrating on my work. Instead of going to the gym after work, as I usually do, I just go home and collapse on the sofa watching TV and eating cookies. I usually fall asleep and then wake up around three in the morning and can’t fall back asleep, so I play video games until it’s time to go to work. I get so tired at work that I can barely stay awake. The other day, I shut my office door and slept under my desk for an hour. I know I’m in a vicious circle of despair, but I just can’t seem to escape it.
Dear SD,
You are suffering classic symptoms of depression, and given your recent circumstances, it’s not so surprising. First thing to do is find a therapist. If you have health insurance it probably covers mental illness. Look on your insurance company’s website for a therapist. Look for a therapist that deals with depression, if you can find one with experience with GLBTQ clients, that’s even better. If you don’t have insurance and can’t afford to see someone on your own, most cities have mental health departments which offer similar services. You can also try community organizations such as Center on Halsted and Howard Brown Health Center. You may just need situational counseling, in which case a psychotherapist or social work counselor may be sufficient. Until you do see someone, try to get back to your previous routine. Go to the gym, even if you don’t do a full workout, do some form of exercise. A number of studies have shown that regular exercise helps alleviate depression. Get back on your regular sleep cycle. If you find yourself falling asleep too early, get up and do something physical, go for a walk, clean your bathtub or rearrange a closet, anything to keep you from falling asleep too early. Go to bed at the time you used to and set an alarm to make certain you wake up on time. You may feel a bit tired the first couple days, but after you reset your body’s internal clock, you’ll start to feel better. Make sure that you are taking at least a multi vitamin and taking a daily dose of St. John's Wart available at a place like Whole Foods, that combined with seeing a counselor should help you shake off the funk you’re in. Good luck.
Ace Magyar has a BA in communications, a MA in sex therapy and a PhD in zoology. He is a registered couple’s counselor specializing in the GLBT community. Send your questions to ASK ACE at boieditorial@aol.com
30 boiMAG