Scope Magazine Issue 12

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week five

Valentine’s Day Special who are the CUTEST CAMPUS COUPLES?

WHERE ARE THE

CHEAPEST AND CHICEST DATES TO TAKE YOUR VALENTINES? scope | 1

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APTAIN’S ORNER

Valentine’s Day: for those in relationships a day of forced professions of love, and for those who are not a day to get reacquainted with lube and Mr Right. In respect to such a day this weeks Scope has been dedicated to Valentine’s Day and Bond romance in general – the highs and lows.

But it’s not just Scope that is dedicated to Valentine’s Day this week. This week MAD has got into the Cupid spirit and roses and chocolates can be preordered all week for collection on the special day. If that’s not your thing and you’d rather spread the free love, The Physical’s thrownback to ‘69. It’s Woodstock! Just ensure you leave your joints at home – it’s not ‘69 anymore.

Thursday’s @ Don’s is on per usual on Thursday. Hopefully it’ll be a messy night 2 | scope

per usual, but for you crafty gentleman maybe the perfect last chance to snag the lady before the next day.

However, if your date turns out to be a serial killer (or equivalent) attached to each edition is the famous Barney Stinson Lemon Law Card. Take it with to every date you have this week just in case it becomes a flop.

I hope you all have a great week. Keep studying. Don’t forget to relax and loosen up. And happy Valentine’s Days to you all.

Jeffers

M

ADAME PRESIDENT

Bondies, I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a fantastic time celebrating with our graduates. I had the absolute privilege of attending both ceremonies on Saturday and to recognise our graduates for their incredible achievements. Our Valedictorians for Saturday, Hannah Meiklejohn for a Bachelor of Biomedical Science and Matthew McLean for his Master of Laws, were truly quite outstanding. It’s always wonderful to hear our Bondies recognise the sense of community we have around campus, and I’d thoroughly recommend a YouTube watch of both speeches when the ceremony recordings are posted online this week.

an exciting line-up. It’s kicking off from midday in the ADCO Amphitheatre and the Vice-Chancellor will be raising the 25th anniversary flag to launch the celebrations for the months ahead. I’m particularly looking forward to hearing from alumna and Council member Peta Fielding. BUSA will be considerably ramping up our usual BBQ with a gourmet spread. Don’t forget to RSVP to the Vice-Chancellor’s email last week – we look forward to seeing you there.

We also have a couple of major sporting events taking place this week – our USA v ROW semesterly basketball competition this Thursday evening in the Sports Hall and Barefoot Bowls on Sunday afternoon with tickets on sale from BUSA this week.

On the subject of community, we’re all excited for the 25th Anniversary Launch We hope you have a wonderful week and this Friday. This year will be a wonderful look forward to seeing you on Friday! celebration of Bond’s achievements so far and the launch will be just one event in Mel x scope | 3

issue 12

contents 07 // cheap & chic dates 09 // /cutest campus couples 14 // photos 18 // miss bond 20 // albulm review 21 // bad films to take a lover 22 // what’s on

Communications Director Bridie O’Sullivan

Chief Of Staff

Chief Editor

Publications Director James Jeffree

Aasha Purling

David Simmons

Chief Photographer Ben Thangkam

Contributors Antony Scholefield, Nicholas O’Hara-Boyd, Robbie Kinloch,

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JINGERRI! The Bond Indigenous Awareness Society would like to extend a huge thank you to everyone that attended yesterday’s welcome BBQ at the Nyombile centre. Everyone enjoyed the free BBQ sausages and kangaroo patties, salad and traditional dampa with golden syrup. Our indigenous art display inspired others to create their own dot paintings to take home to show their Mums; even our committee had a creative release and painted their own artwork which will now be displayed at the Nyombile centre.

We had such a great time getting to know everyone that came and being able to share a little bit of our aboriginal culture with you all. We were thrilled with the amount of enthusiasm for our upcoming social justice trip to Abergowrie in the April holidays and applications for this will open Monday Week 5, so look out for it on our Facebook page and Student Digest.

For any questions about the trip or any of our upcoming events, please email: maddison.byrne-jameson@student.bond.edu.au

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The CHEAPEST and CHICEST Dates for

Valentine’s Day

By Aasha Purling

V-day is fast approaching, and whether love has bloomed or withered, your special someone is hoping (read: expecting) you’ll make an effort. Friday will turn even the most unbelieving of females into hysterical crazy betches around. Failure to clamour onto the V-day bandwagon with your pseudo love interest can only result in an atmosphere so awkward it rivals a Wes Anderson movie. Discard your preconceptions, Valentine’s Day holds potential, even if all you’re trying to say is “you’re a solid 8/10 in the sack and I can maybe see myself paying for your morning-after coffee.” Hold onto your hats, lads. Make like a new-aged Romeo and be, like, totally ironic-in-a-romantic-sort-of-way. You can always paddle desperately back into the “shit I’m sorry I thought we were just friends” territory.

BURLEIGH

Burleigh à la Sunset is some Notebook shit. Wildly romantic? You know it. Free? Even better. However, observe at your own risk. You will find yourself surrounded by those couples. You know them? The ones who have spent the year circling engagement rings in brochures and have their kids’ names picked out. God help you if the pressure is too much and you pop the question just to fit in.

Disclaimer: On the plus side, there are sheer cliffs and sharp rocks aplenty if things don’t go as planned.

GROCERY SHOPPING

Nothing says future MILF like taking your girl to Woolies. There is potential, however, for her to read it like “make me a sandwich.” The trick to giving her the right impression is how you approach the date.

Ask her to accompany you, be a gentleman and push the trolley, and if she goes for the choc chip cookies, you know she’s a keeper. If not, steer her towards the “feminine health” section and ask her advice on whether to get super or super jumbo for your pseudo GF. Ultimate friendzone moment.

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MACCA’S DRIVE-THRU Fill the void in her heart with some large fries and a chocolate sundae. When that emotionally loaded text comes through about being single on V-day, it’s your time to shine. Suggest taking her car (petrol saved), order from the loose change menu (money saved) and if she’s an awful kisser, pretend to be fatally allergic to MSG and request to be rushed to hospital (dignity saved). All round, a quality night had by all.

SNEAKY HUB DATE Much like that $700 Camilla dress you convinced your mum you could dress up or down (but never actually worn again), the Hub is both versatile and non-committal. Take the current object of your affections down to our favourite candy shop for a lick of your lollipop. Or, more likely, a big bowl of Ultimate Brownie. Brownie has the potential to be up in your grill, so hopefully she’ll be so self-conscious you can eat it all yourself. Win. FYI you get a student discount, and the bathroom connects to an exit if you’re in need of a quick escape. However, if her bloated stomach and strawberry-covered teeth are your kryptonite, the couches are well worn. You won’t be doing anything that hasn’t been done before and the service is so slow, you’ll be waiting as long to get caught as you are to get served.

MOVIE NIGHT Never was a code more unnecessary than a movie-hangout request: we all know what’s going on here. Pick something you’ve seen more than once, but if she’s into the movie, request you change to something a little gorier. Edward Scissorhands is a good op, and you always have the Saw movies. Either she’ll cry or she’s a psycho. Should the latter apply, you have multiple escape routs at your disposal ie. falling asleep, violent gastro, family crisis, instant need to study right now. Like, right now.

All romantic stigma aside, your special someone is sure to feel pretty freakin’ chuffed. Honesty is the best policy, and while we’re being honest, tell your bed buddy what you want. Just having fun? Great. Maybe wouldn’t mind actually watching a movie some time? It’s probably love. Perhaps the bigger picture isn’t money or sex, but rather sticking through a seemingly tough date and getting to know the wonderful person who’s chosen you. There could be more to them than meets the eye. After all, love really is, in the air.

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CUTEST

CAMPUS COUPLES

Love it or hate it, romance is in the air. With ‘things’ and flings aplenty, this V-day will see our most gag-inducing, sickeningly loved-up couples standing strong amongst the rubble that is the rest of our broken dreams. Take a little looksie and see where Bond’s cutest couples began ...

There’s hope for you yet.

COUPLE ONE: KATE & WIF

1. Describe your partner with an adjective Kate: Vulnerable Wif: Overrated 2. Favourite thing about the other person Kate: When he gives me permission to leave my room Wif: When she lets me talk to Lily 3. Tell us about your first time together Kate: It all began in the O week of 131. I came into the university atmosphere with high hopes of meeting some members of the other sex that were a step above the prepubescent battlers of high school.

These hopes were quickly dashed. My first image of James was watching him stumble towards me and try to introduce himself, insisting that I join him for vodka shots in his room. I actually felt sorry for him so I joined him and endured a night of his feeble attempts to get in my pants. He followed me back to my room, and in the end he passed out on the bed before I could get rid of him. I guess I must have seen some potential in his innocent and harmless ways, so I let the battler hang around.

Wif: It all began in the O week of 131. Like many of the testosterone fuelled first years, fresh of the bat of a strong holiday season with post-schoolies confidence sky high, I was ready to see what Bond had in store. Unfortunately, being 17, my selection was limited to the fresh meat of the blocks.

Nevertheless I was onto it quickly, spotting Kate looking suspiciously sober in the poolroom. Being the gentleman I was I decided to offer her some of my alcohol, which quickly saw her return to my room to do so. Well played. From then on it was pretty much like shooting fish in a barrel. I ended up in her bed for the night and the rest is history.

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COUPLE TWO: KARI & JESSE

1. Describe your partner with an adjective Kari: abnormal Jesse: passable 2. Favorite thing about the other person Kari: When he gets too drunk and ends up falling asleep on a chair in the shower.. Sometimes I just leave him there.

Jesse: Alternate sleeping personality 3. Tell us about your first time together Kari: We met on the third night of O-week 131 at a corridor party. A group of us were playing an interesting game of ‘never have I ever’ when a pack of second year boys decided to join us. Jesse just so happened to sit behind me on the sofa and unfortunately for me, I didn’t get to see what he looked like before getting blind drunk. That night we ended up skyping my Mum, much to her horror, and soon after Jesse passed out in my room. And I guess you could say I’ve been stuck with him ever since.

Jesse: Having had sufficient beverages to put everyone in the room up a couple of points, I decided to have a crack at the ‘brunette on the couch’. with that the only information I knew I had succeeded by the conclusion of the night, using the old ‘massage the shoulders trick’. Safe to say it was a shoe in when I carked it in her bed later that evening.

COUPLE THREE: KATIE & LACHY

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1. Describe your partner with an adjective Katie: violent.

Lachy: spiritless.

2: Favourite thing about each other Katie: That we like similar things… like watching Asians give birth Lachy: she lets me watch anime porn which is cool, I don’t think many girls would do that… so I guess I’m pretty chuffed.

3: Tell us about your first time together Katie: after one too many threats, including “if you don’t kiss me I’ll scream,” I had to call Julian to come carry him out…...it’s always been about the romance for us.

Lachy: I got drunk and knocked on her corridor door until Geo McQueen got so sick of the sound she let me into her room. I then pretended to pass out in her bed so I could make the failed attempts at sexual harassment appear as though I was just doing it in my sleep.

COUPLE FOUR: ANNA & RICHARD 1. Describe your partner with an adjective Anna: Tall Richard: Conformist 2. Favourite thing about the other person Anna: His double bed Richard: When she’s covered in nutella 3. Tell us about your first time together Anna: Let’s just say that when we caught each others eyes across the room I knew it was the start of something special…best night at platinum yet.

Richard: I had been observing her for a while, I knew that I could catch a glimpse of her between intro to accounting and marketing and boy it was my favourite time of the week, I feel embarrassed but sometimes I would even pretend I was going to the bathroom so I could follow her to her public speaking room on the second level in room 12 of building 6, as the weeks of the semester progressed so did my courage I began to sniff her scent when she was looking the other direction, I noticed when a luscious piece of her hair would fall off that pretty little scalp and I would write down where it fell in my notes only to retrieve it at a later date. Finally on a cool April evening on the GC when the anxiety of our exams was done I approached her weaving through the decaying flesh avoiding fist pumps like a man before Christ would avoid a leper. Oh boy was she beautiful, the way she taught me how to dougie just got my juices flowing, so to speak. Our eyes met all I could think about was starting a family with her 2 nice children and a nice cottage to the west of Ipswich, I would drive a tractor she would be the local school nurse and oh it would be sheer ecstasy.

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COUPLE FIVE: IMOGEN & KUNAAL

1. Describe your partner with an adjective Imogen: Pale Kunaal: Un-studious

2. Favourite thing about that person Imogen: I get to be the more tanned one in the relationship Kunaal: She’s an excellent anatomy tutor 3. Tell us about your first time together Imogen: It was in the library, earning my Teacher’s Pet Award for semester 132 that I first met Kunaal.

Despite the silent section being almost completely empty, he sat down next to me and struck up a conversation. I was initially hesitant to give him my number, and ‘accidentally’ gave him the wrong one at first. However, after some prompting (peer pressure) from friend and matchmaker Zoe O’Sullivan under the twinkling lights of Melba’s I decided to give it a shot, and eventually decided that a trip to international territory wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

Kunaal: It was in the library in 132, early enough in the semester for me to notice the only non-Indian on the top floor. I’d wondered who she was and whether she was just there pretending to study.

However, during the course of the day, I worked my magic and left with her number. Stoked, I decided to send her a text that night. I waited for a while after, unable to understand why she hadn’t replied to the perfect text. ‘Apparently’ she had given me the wrong number. Despite this, I decided to give her another chance, in case it was just the effects of sitting next to a charming young gentleman. With Zoe as my wing-woman at Illegally Bond the next semester, the night was a success.

COUPLE SIX: CINDY & ALEX

1. Describe your partner with an adjective Cindy: Comedian Alex: Artificial

2. Favourite thing about that person Cindy: Our mutual love for KFC and that I don’t have to hide my undeniable love of KFC from him Alex: The way she cannot eat KFC chips without extra salt.

3. Tell us about your first time together Cindy: Mid semester bash 133 I was out in full force spotted the Dj also known as DJSkinny kinny… I don’t get it either don’t worry, I went straight behind the decks and went for it, lets just say it defiantly was not the best kiss he’s ever had, don’t know why he ever went back for seconds. So although it was 13 in the night ranging from 18-43 he managed to be the first and last of the night.

Alex: When we first got together at Mid-Semester Bash 133, I knew we had something special. From the moment she walked in with her glowing fake tan and schoolgirl outfit, I was stunned. Straight away it was on. Hookies behind the DJ Booth is always a winner, even if you do get cut lips from an awful kisser. Since that night where I was only 1 out of 13, improvements have definitely been made. Restarting at 1 out of 1 since Illegally Bond 141. scope | 13

week five

Photographer: Ben Thangkam | Robbie Kinloch | Bridie O’Sullivan Events: Thursday @ Don’s | Graduation

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Miss Bond Hello my lovelies!

You’re all lucky you got such an enthusiastic greeting when I’m still hungover and sad!

Revelling in your dirty behaviour and so utterly sad to have waved goodbye to the Grads of 133. Bond will be cleaner, classier and so much less fun without you!

So let’s ditch the melancholy and relive the highlights of this weekend and your fantastically awful deeds.

As Miss Bond I’ve decided to give out a couple of awards… please keep your judgments and comments till the end. For the ‘Cutest Couple that made it’, congratulations to Mulhol and JBoj! Your effortless combination of pleasing aesthetics, charm and humour have made you a delight to be around! ‘Post-grad rep’ goes to LD! We know you’re not finished but it’s nice to see the four girls back together again – it’s like double double trouble. ‘Too childish to graduate – Drama Queens’ is a tie between the Vanity bathroom screecher and the ex-BUSA midnight swimmer.

Now let’s take a late check in into some gossip that was delayed getting to me last week – Tinderella and a pre-dawn check-in & out at the Hilton, the classy 1000.

The FSAs: Firstly the Big Dogs, one grad

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almost didn’t make to Saturday after pushing it too hard on Thursday. And the Harry Styles look-a-like couldn’t tell his reds from Scarletts – but hey who cares? She was Basically trading up anyways? That’s right the old HSA are well and truly gone and they’ve disappeared off the gossip radar too.

Lame.

Now we’re talking about growing up and hooking up… Papa Risch – use something rhyming with Hansen (your hands’ son) to wipe that dribble from your lips (or should we say Gribble) that you’ve both shared.

Let’s play a little game of ‘missing letters’ for this last little surprise hook. Something about ‘en’. It’s Hans and it’s Old. As always if you have any corrections to make or thoughts to add, I’m always willing to listen, just message the page! I can’t help that your friends might be stabbing you in the back with misleading rumours sent my way!

Speaking of back stabbing – it’s Valentine’s Day Friday! That means I expect domestics, slaps, disappointment and gossip for days!

APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN INFORMATION PACKS | APPLICATIONS AVAILABLE AT BUSA OFFICE BOND IN AFRICA: MULANJE MISSION BOND IN AFRICA: CAPE TOWN

APPLICATIONS NOW OPEN

CLEANERS DON’T REMOVE UNTIL TUESDAY 25 FEBRUARY

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Review Too True

By Antony Scholefiled

The Dum Dum Girls

V

oices can be sexy. There’s Shivaree’s sticky purr, Christina Aguilera’s raucous bray, Annie Lennox’s commanding baritone. (Or is that last one just me?) Now there’s Dee Dee Penny, singer/guitarist for slickly-produced indie-pop group Dum Dum Girls. For second album Too True, Penny has found a darkly seductive rhythm section to support her silken coo.

Most of Too True’s tracks are 2-3 minutes - and they seem shorter. They appear, state their case with deceptive speed, and slip away. Opener ‘Cult of Love’ sounds like an intro piece. Songs like ‘Little Minx’ are almost upbeat, thanks to subtle hits of guitar, but never enter candyfloss-pop country.

‘Are You Okay?’ is a tender, acoustic-led number reminiscent of The Pretenders. Ballads suit Dum Dum

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Girls, especially the haunting ‘Lost Boys And Girls Club’. Closer ‘Trouble Is My Name’ isn’t an empty boast, as it is for other popstars, but a kooky question: “Is it your name too?”

‘Under These Hands’ is the most naturalistic track, where Penny shows the most emotion. Strangely, though, it’s a weak spot. Penny’s best comes when she sounds detached, like a cold-tempered ghost who’s manifested just long enough to observe some strange instances of human existence.

This detachment also prevents Penny’s emphasis on sexuality from getting sordid. Despite lines such as “Please come around” or “Tonight, I feel lonely”, you wouldn’t want to go there, because she’s more sexual than sexy. She’s certainly not Shivaree or Christina. That’s why it works.

If you believe modern music, everyone’s shagging like rabbits in a redlight district. If you believe Dum Dum Girls, a sexy voice is just another tool in any singer’s shed. In fact, I’ve probably let it distract me. Too True isn’t about sex; it’s about intelligent song-writing, super-tight production values, and poignant pop sensibilities.

Top Track: ‘Lost Boys And Girls Club’ Rating: 8/10

M m th o R

D U A ti

I’ re b D

A q h ti

W co a h

S p

Movie date nights are the Bane (Batman reference, anyone?) of my existence. Not only must I pillage from meek and malnourished middle school kids to afford the ticket, but I can also never settle on a movie worth watching. As a guy, he ball’s in your court. However, as any fellow would know, there is a plethora of wrong outcomes to the seemingly offhand, “oh, you decide!” invitation. Be warned: go with the trashy garden-variety cinema – the About Times, the Remember Mes, and certainly anything with Channing Tatum (or, if he’s all out, any skinhead with quads).

BAD FILMS TO TAKE A LOVER TO THIS

VALENTINE’S DAY

Do not risk the fallout that will inevitably come after seeing Wolf of Wall Street on the most romantic day of days.

Unless your missus marinates in, mathematically speaking, spine-tingling sex appeal equal to or greater than that of Aussie lass Margot Robbie, you’ll only walk out ready to commit to a career as a corrupt stockbroker and with an insaiable appetite for high-class hookers.

’d leave Saving Mr. Banks off your to-do list for the day, also. Regardless of whether or not she’d oh my God like eally wanna see that, you will inevitably end up crying and looking like a schmuck. Plus, it’s rare to get in the mood by watching an emasculating

By Nicholas O’Hara-Boydand irritable old granny unless you’re into that sort of thing and are no stranger to the Delete My History button.

And, sweet Jesus, at no stage in the deliberation process should The Dallas Buyer’s Club be considered. Without question it’s an incredible film and, surprisingly, uplifting enough, but these drugs aren’t the good kind. They’re the heavy-duty scab up your skin and dissolve your flesh kind. AIDS is an excruciatingly horrible disease, and your Valenine’s won’t be too far off that if you dick-move the two of you into seeing this film.

Movie date nights are the Bane (Batman considered. Without question it’s an incredible

While it’s perhaps a better option any otherNot we’ve discussed, Her should nonetheless also bebut boyreference, anyone?) of mythan existence. only film Spike and, Jonze’s surprisingly, uplifting enough, otted. It’s sweet, cute enough and holds your interest, but I walked out having fallen in love with a computer opermust I pillage from meek and malnourished these drugs aren’t the good kind. They’re the ating system. (I’d suggest if you have stronger feelings for disk operating software than your flesh and blood sweetmiddle school kids to afford the ticket, but I can heavy-duty scab up your skin and dissolve heart, you’re tapping the wrong maple tree.) Don’t jeopardise a good thing – give this the flick too.

also never settle on a movie worth watching. your flesh kind. AIDS is an excruciatingly As a guy, the ball’s in your court. However, horrible disease, and your Valentine’s won’t So, what does this leave? Well, nothing in cinemas, truly. Why not instead arrange to have a romantic night-in with as ofany fellow there a plethora too far off that if you dick-move the two of plenty incense andwould cuddlesknow, and rent Theis Story of O? Now be that’s a Valentine’s that’ll quickly take a turn. of wrong outcomes to the seemingly offhand, you into seeing this film. “oh, you decide!” invitation. Be warned: go with the trashy garden-variety cinema – While it’s perhaps a better option than any the About Times, the Remember Mes, and other we’ve discussed, Spike Jonze’s Her certainly anything with Channing Tatum (or, if should nonetheless also be boycotted. he’s all out, any skinhead with quads).

It’s sweet, cute enough and holds your interest, but I walked out having fallen in Do not risk the fallout that will inevitably come love with a computer operating system. (I’d after seeing Wolf of Wall Street on the most suggest if you have stronger feelings for disk romantic day of days. Unless your missus operating software than your flesh and blood marinates in, mathematically speaking, sweetheart, you’re tapping the wrong maple spine-tingling sex appeal equal to or greater tree.) Don’t jeopardise a good thing – give than that of Aussie lass Margot Robbie, you’ll this the flick too. only walk out ready to commit to a career as a corrupt stockbroker and with an insatiable So, what does this leave? Well, nothing in appetite for high-class hookers. cinemas, truly. Why not instead arrange to have a romantic night-in with plenty of incense I’d leave Saving Mr. Banks off your to-do list and cuddles and rent The Story of O? Now for the day, also. Regardless of whether or that’s a Valentine’s that’ll quickly take a turn. not she’d oh my God like really wanna see that, you will inevitably end up crying and looking like a schmuck. Plus, it’s rare to get in the mood by watching an emasculating and irritable old granny unless you’re into that sort of thing and are no stranger to the Delete My History button.

And, sweet Jesus, at no stage in the deliberation process should The Dallas Buyer’s Club be

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scope © BUSA 2014

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