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At every age manners are an important aspect of our daily lives. Can you imagine a dinner with friends, colleagues or family members where your child is picking up their chicken with both hands and tearing off a bite, chewing and talking with their mouth full, reaching into their glass for an ice cube to chill their soup, and/or wiping their hands clean on their pants? Children simply need to be made aware of acceptable and unacceptable dining habits since these are mostly learned and not ingrained behaviors. We're learning all of the time, each of us are sponge-like to everything we encounter. If you aren't teaching your kids or a loved one about manners and their importance then they'll be left with their basic animal-like instincts; which as they get older may cause them troubles in social and professional situations. Case in point: While dining with a friend and their 9 year old son we both couldn't help but notice how his table manners weren't exactly improving with age. We've all seen it before, someone hunching over their food as if guarding it from a nearby predator. Being regaled with a story as a mouth full of food is openly chomped like you're front row center at a Discovery channel documentary on the first stages of the digestive process. The quite moments riddled with a schlepping noise as food is chewed with an open mouth. At the end, whatever food remnants remained on their fingers are wiped on their shorts, legs, and lastly a dab may make it onto their napkin. Although our dining experience was not quite as dramatic as the examples given above we were a little concerned about the subject and wanted to take some kind of action immediately. Be Aware of Your Thoughts, Words, Actions I feel that self-esteem is critical and since it's developing all the time this can be a delicate matter. I believe that if we condemn another for their behavior we risk instilling in them guilt for simply doing what comes naturally to them. Also if you compare a person to another the danger is that she will feel inferior, less-than and again guilty for not being better. It's the littlest things that seem to have the biggest and most lasting impacts on a person. If we can work on these smaller issues with an awareness of our thoughts, words, and actions then we'll be better equipped to handle larger issues when they come up. Don't Single Out Manners and good manners are more learned than they are natural so I decided the best way to avoid singling him out was to take an approach that included all of us.
One night we were all hanging out in the kitchen getting dinner ready and I began explaining that how we behave, the way we eat, and our table manners, are all ways in which we would be judged by others, including friends, family, future employers and so forth. I went on to explain that manners are an important part of life which we all learn and need reminders on. I customized a concise list of the manners and edict that was right for what my friend and I were looking for; I then printed it off and read it practically verbatim to both of them. The idea behind presenting the information like this was that it was more like I was sharing information with them and less like I was singling him out and lecturing him. They hung it on their fridge and have since referred back to it often. At some point all of us have exhibited "bad manners", rather it be sticking that last bit of chewed food to the side of our mouth and joining the discussion, or taking too big of a bite. At our house, we generally keep dinner pretty light and fun, and we each point out the "bad manners" of the other. The awareness of everyone's table manners has improved dramatically. Table Manners Dos and Don't Cheat Sheet Below is a list of the table manners dos and don't cheat sheet and reminder list I put together: * Sit up and don't hunch over your plate... no one will steal your food. * Don't rest your elbows on the table. It leads to hunching over your plate and half your body doesn't belong over the table. * An elbow can go on the table in an informal dining situations but only if you're not actually eating. * Unless it's finger food and meant to be eaten with your fingers eat it with a fork. * Don't take huge bites or stuff your mouth full of food. It looks gross, you could choke, and again... no one will steal your food! * Chew with your mouth closed and no talking with your mouth full. Again you could choke and seeing and hearing food being chewed is gross. * Saying thank you whenever someone serves you something or refills your glass. It shows your appreciation. * Eat your food slowly. It's considerate to enjoy it in an unhurried manner. Slowly means waiting about 5 seconds (the 5 second rule) after you swallow a bite before you get another forkful. This allows you time to dab your mouth, add to the conversation or take a little drink. * Wait until everyone is served before eating, it shows others that you are thoughtful and considerate. We wouldn't do this at a buffet style dinner. * Don't reach over someone or their plate for something. Be considerate and politely ask them to pass you what you need. * If you have something in your teeth excuse yourself to the restroom to pick it out. Do not pick anything out of your teeth at the table, it's gross. * Dab your mouth with your napkin only, when you're not using your napkin place it on your lap. Your napkin protects your clothes and helps to ensure they are a reflection of your personal style and not a reflection of what you had to eat. * When you are a guest to dinner either at someone's home or in public always thank them for the meal, or give a compliment on something specific that you really liked about the it or the dessert. Someone took the time, and incurred the expense to prepare the food so saying thank you or giving them a compliment shows your appreciation.
I hope this writing helps you in working with the young person in your life on this important topic. If you would like to share your own experience on a relative matter or have any questions you would like insights on please feel free to contact me at http://kimchelltalk.com/contact/. Most Sincerely, KimChell Haskell
KimChell [Kim-Shell] Talk is a simple reference guide designed to inspire you to transform your Self from a reader to a doer. We strive to help you shed your disempowering thoughts, words, and actions with the free content found throughout http://www.kimchelltalk.com. Life is a journey... not a destination point. We want to help you dance along your course as if no one is watching you, sing as if no one can hear you, and enjoy the many pleasures of life. So we wish you many happy trails.
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