Nefarious James

Confusion and chaos pretty much sums up this movie. It is the modern day version of all the biker exploitation “B” movies ever made. Curiously, Larry Bishop (as Pistolero) appeared in a variety of films including The Savage Seven, Mad Dog Time and Kill Bill to name a few. His collaboration with Quentin Tarantino in this most recent effort, would lead one to believe that “Hell Ride” is a major cinematic production destined for the A list. Sadly, it falls short of that mark.

The story revolves around Pistolero and his gang “the Victors.” The main characters are himself, the Gent and Comanche who set out to avenge the death of his ol lady Cherokee Kisum. Cherokee, it seems, was murdered by the 666er’s, a rival gang. But wait, let’s back up! This is exactly what makes the flick so confusing. … We flash back and forth from 35 years back to 35 years forward.

It seems that Bishop as the writer, director, and star is the only one who understands what is going on at any given time. I was lost after viewing it twice, but again I digress.

The film is soaked with girls, drugs, and murder. I like all those facets in a biker exploitation film, but the chaotic pace leaves one wondering where the plot is. It seems the Victors MC have an underlying code of deceit and distrust. As the movie rolls along, several of the members of gang are killed by the Gent and other Victors—leaving only Pistolero, the Gent, and Comanche in the gang. Ahhh, but there is another member hiding in the desert! Eddie Zero, played by Dennis Hopper appears as a (possibly retired) member of the gang. How they were able to get Hopper to appear in this mess was a mystery in itself, and I was surprised, and entertained for a moment until I saw David Carradine playing rival gang member “The Duce.” Evidently, the Duce and Pistolero had some under-the-table dealings and this conflict led to the ongoing battle between the two clubs. The 666er’s use arrows and darts to carry out their hits while the Victors use the more conventional revolvers, available at Wal-Mart. The Victors trademark murders–you will see a few of these involve the tying of one to a chair, the cutting of the throat, and the soaking of the subject in gasoline, which is then ignited by the tossing of a Zippo lighter, also available at WalMart. Somewhere in my recall, it seems to me that this ritual was borrowed from the 666er’s when they did in Cherokee Kisum. In the end, the Victors cut off the Duce’s head, and Eddie Zero delivers it to the 666er’s hangout in a nice wicker basket (see Wal-Mart above). He departs and rides off down the road until his motor quits for some reason. He gets off his vintage ride to repair it, and sees the 666er’s pull up behind him. The leader of the 666er’s, (played by Vinnie Jones) shoots him in the back with a dart fired from an air powered device that looks like a Shark Gun. He collapses on the highway. Much to the 666er’s surprise the Victors pull up behind them and the Gent kills all of them, but only wounds Jones who falls to the pavement. Pistolero in a strange twist of role, shoots Jones with a small crossbow, then reloads and fires a dart into Jones’ gas tank. As the fuel surrounds Jones, who is bleeding cussing and etc, one of the Victors cuts his throat, and Pistolero tosses the classic Zippo into the pool of gas. In the next frame, Hopper gets up off the pavement, and removes his armor-laden jacket – arrow still intact- and hands it to his girl who gives him a similar jacket. They depart the scene, and the three meet in the desert where the 666er’s had previously buried some sort of lockbox containing some sort of (something). … There are three keys that have 666 stamped into them. There is a short argument, and Comanche digs up the lock box and the others give him the three keys. What’s in that thing you ask? You will never know, because the shot shows only Comanche’s face from the inside as he opens the box. I think it was empty, but what do I know? The trio then fire up their motors and ride off in three different directions as the credits roll.

If you are a fan of naked ladies, cool classic motorcycles, and blood and guts, this film is for you! However, if you were expecting a plot, a story line, or a coherent slide show of pleasant desert scenes you aren’t gonna be too happy.

Tarantino once told Bishop “It is your destiny to write, direct, and star in a movie.” Sometimes destiny is not all it’s cracked up to be! I would reluctantly give this film 2 out of 5 stars, because there were

The Phantom Movie Review

Ray V. Gordon is The Owner & Founder of Leather Lid Inserts, an established Leather Saddlebag Accessory business based in southwest Florida. They’ve coined the phrase “We take the sag out of the bag” because that is exactly what they do. Ray has been riding motorcycles since he was 14 yrs old and has watched the motorcycle industry grow and is glad to be a part of what it is today. After 35 years of owning and operating a successful aluminum company in Ft. Myers FL, Ray sold the business so he could retire (he thought) and bought himself a new Harley-Davidson Heritage Softail Classic. Just like everyone else with leather saddlebags, his also started to sag and cave in. He saw a need to fix this problem. Ray says, starting this new business was something he just fell into by fixing his own saddlebags and then behold, friends of friends and others witnessed what Ray did and wanted him to fix their saddlebags too. As an inventor and entrepreneur,

Ray took his creative background and put his skills to work by experimenting with several different types of materials to finally come up with a patented ABS lid and bag reinforcement kit that would be designed to help keep the original shape of any leather saddlebag made on the market. So, if you’re tired of looking at your caved in leather saddlebags and/or if they are starting to lose their shape and their parts, or if you have brand new bags and you want to prevent them from ever caving in, please keep Leather Lid Inserts in mind. For all your leather saddlebag accessory needs as a do-it-yourselfer or if you want them to install, visit www.LeatherLidInsert.com and order your DIY Kit or Find an area Dealer Installer.

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BECOME A DEALER INSTALLER CONTACT RAY AT 239-339-7294 OR

RAY@LEATHERLIDINSERTS.COM RIDE SAFE!

Leather Lid Inserts

18160 Old Bayshore Road N. Fort Myers, FL 33917

A NICE PUNCH IN THE FACE!

Here we are in the month of March. Many events are coming up including Daytona Bike Week and other miscellaneous local

festivities. Makes me reflect on how these

events used to be in years gone by. Seems like there have been so many changes to these events in the name of progress, and I guess in a form of social evolution, that they don’t really seem to be the same as they used to be.

I remember Daytona Bike Week as being more expressive and minds being more open to the social experience. A place where you used to be able to see some really wild stuff. When people used to ride from all over the country to participate in the event. Not so much now with bikes being brought in on trailers and huge RVs to sleep in. I have spent many an event and road trip sleeping beside my bike on the ground in heat, cold, rain, and even snow. It was just the way it was back then.

Financial limitations of the time dictated

one’s accommodations. I miss those days and miss those road trips. Unfortunately, my body isn’t as young as it used to be. Seems my mind and my body don’t want to agree with the limitations of age and the travels of the road. I shouldn’t complain, I guess. I’ve made it this far in life. Wish I could say the same for some of the ones I have love for.

I miss some of them terribly. So on with this month’s point. I guess it would be to keep an open mind in life and make every attempt to enjoy it. Unfortunately, we run into all types of obstacles. Other people being one of them. Unfortunately, some people go through their life pretending to be what they aren’t. They fake being cool, fake being affluent, fake being your friend, fake having your back, fake caring about anyone but themselves.

You know what I’m talkin’ about. The guy who tries to tell everyone how he tried to help so and so, but the reality is, he was screwing the guy behind his back. You know, the person who deserves a nice big punch in the face. To those out there who fit that description, know this: Karma, as some call it, will come knocking on your door. I sure wouldn’t want to be that guy.

Believe it or not, it doesn’t take much to

be a decent human being. Just some out there would rather screw people over. Used to be, if ya ran across a sleaze like that, everyone would out the creep and be done with them. Now people keep quiet and don’t say squat about the garbage in a group out of fear of reprisals. I say the hell with the sleazy asses out there and go back to the method of confronting the issue.

Believe me when I say it doesn’t just go away on its own. This mentality is growing like a virus. Used to be that if you stole, cops took you away. You lied; you were held accountable. You did someone wrong; you were outed, and society addressed it. Now days, the thief steals, the liar lies, and when confronted with what they’ve done, the scum calls the cops and gets protection from true justice. No accountability. Sad and pathetic.

Reflecting on this, it becomes evident to me more and more that I miss the old America.

It may have had its faults and may not have been perfect, but it sure as hell was better than what we have now. I will always love our country and what it was founded on. That will never change. We, as a people,

need to fix this. Hopefully it’s not too late.

“A PLACE WHERE YOU USED TO BE ABLE TO SEE SOME REALLY WILD STUFF. WHEN PEOPLE USED TO RIDE FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY TO PARTICIPATE IN THE EVENT.”

— Nefarious James

American Biker