Boulder Weekly 12.22.2022

Eagle Heart Wisdom Healing

Dear Community, Wishing you warmth in this Holiday Season!

The origins of Eagle Heart Wisdom Healing began in a Near Death Experience related to a traumatic event. I was carried through a pulsing artery of sparkling blue sound nestled in vast swirling worlds of white light.

Spiritual Beings studied me along the way imbuing gifts of loving mercy. I awoke into a gentle flush of flowing kindness as whirlpool of loving mercy appeared. Its core, a living void, pulsed steady sounds of strengthening harmonies as its outer perimeter lavished thunderous, dynamic waterfalls of sparkling generosity.

LEFT HAND LASER STUDIO

Armene Piper is a Boulder native who grew up on the outskirts of town; she can still remember when Arapahoe and 75th Street were dirt roads. Now she lives in Longmont with her husband, five children and four dogs. She is deeply committed to her clients and takes great pride in providing the best customer experience with unparalleled results.

ozo coffee

oZO Coffee Company is a coffee roaster & retail operator based in Boulder, Colorado with Espresso Cafe locations in Boulder and Longmont, Colorado. Founded in 2007, OZO Coffee has based its growth on core principles of service, quality, community, and sustainability.

As I stood in the holy eternal flow of our Creator, I was given a choice to stay or return.

When I chose to return, the Eternal spoke: “Take my Heart and give to Others what I have given You. Be the Direction of Your Own Spirit. “

Thus was born Katy’s ministry as a healer of subtle body trauma, grief and loss: Eagle Heart Wisdom Healing.

Eagle Heart Wisdom Healing 2204 18th Ave Suite 227, Longmont, 80501 720-667-7928 www.eagleheart.life

Armene also works closely with the transgender community to help them feel more authentic in their own body’s. Armene offers Cryoskin slimming and toning, laser hair removal, vein treatments, sun and age spot treatments, toenail fungus treatments, as well as Boleyn stretch mark and scar camouflage. 1446 Hover Street, Longmont 303-551-4701 www.lefthandlaserstudio.com

We are grateful for the opportunity to share our passion for coffee with you.

JUSTIN HARTMAN, OZO FOUNDER 1232-A S. Hover St. www.ozocoffee.com

WE BUY LOCAL.

fritz family brewers

cory’s illustrious brewing career started in Boulder way back in 1992 as a homebrewing college student. As an active member of the home brew club Hop Barley and the Alers, he learned from more seasoned brewers to appreciate a wide variety of beers, but especially lagers.

He spent so much time at What’s Brewin’ home brew shop they had

peak press juicery

Sometimes it can be hard to get the recommended 9+ servings of fruit and vegetables each day. Doyle and Stephanie Leach, owners of the new Peak Press Juicery located at 1515 Main St, strive to make it easy and delicious. Every bottle of their 100% organic, coldpressed juice starts with over a pound of produce and provides 3-6 servings of fruit and/or veg per bottle. The juice is unpasteurized, so you get all

Blue Agave

Blue Agave History.

Northern Colorado’s most highly recommended dining attraction.

Blue Agave is familyowned and operated, bringing collectively over five decades of experience in the restaurant business, offering recipes that go back generations that derive specifically from

no choice but to eventually give him a job. He then spent 2 years brewing at Tommyknocker’s in Idaho Springs, before moving to Jackson, Wyoming to brew at Snake River Brewing.

Cory spent 17 years brewing and honing his craft at Snake River and it is there that he met his amazing wife and business partner Kelly.

6778 N. 79th Street, Niwot

the health-promoting vitamins, minerals, phytochemicals, soluble fiber, and live enzymes so important to good health. Visit their store on weekends or place your order online at peakpressjuicery. com for pickup or convenient delivery.

peakpressjuicery.com

1520 S. Hover St, Suite D, Longmont, CO (720) 680-0551 • www.wbu.com/longmont

Jalisco, Mexico, and the Pacific coast.

Check out our Happy Hour, MonFriday 10a-5pm.

2030 Ken Pratt Blvd. Longmont 303-776-1747 www.blueagaverestaurant.net

Publisher, Fran Zankowski

Circulation Manager, Cal Winn

EDITORIAL

Editor-in-Chief, Caitlin Rockett

Arts & Culture Editor, Jezy J. Gray General Assignment Reporter, Will Matuska Food Editor, John Lehndorff

Contributing Writers: Dave Anderson, Emma Athena, Will Brendza, Rob Brezsny, Michael J. Casey, Angela K. Evans, Mark Fearer, Kaylee Harter, Nick Hutchinson, Dave Kirby, Ari LeVaux, Adam Perry, Dan Savage, Bart Schaneman, Alan Sculley, Samuel Shaw, Toni Tresca, Gregory Wakeman, Colin Wrenn

SALES AND MARKETING

Market Development Manager, Kellie Robinson

Account Executives, Matthew Fischer, Carter Ferryman, Chris Allred Mrs. Boulder Weekly, Mari Nevar

PRODUCTION

Art Director, Susan France

Senior Graphic Designer, Mark Goodman

CIRCULATION TEAM

Sue Butcher, Ken Rott, Chris Bauer

BUSINESS OFFICE

Bookkeeper, Emily Weinberg

Founder/CEO, Stewart Sallo Editor-at-Large, Joel Dyer

Dec. 22, 2022

Volume XXX, number 19

As Boulder County's only independently owned newspaper, Boulder Weekly is dedicated to illuminating truth, advancing justice and protecting the First Amendment through ethical, no-holds-barred journalism, and thought-provoking opinion writing. Free every Thursday since 1993, the Weekly also offers the county's most comprehensive arts and entertainment coverage. Read the print version, or visit boulderweekly.com. Boulder Weekly does not accept unsolicited editorial submissions. If you're interested in writing for the paper, please send queries to: editorial@boulderweekly.com. Any materials sent to Boulder Weekly become the property of the newspaper.

690 South Lashley Lane, Boulder, CO, 80305 p 303.494.5511 f 303.494.2585

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Boulder Weekly is published every Thursday. No portion may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher. © 2022 Boulder Weekly, Inc., all rights reserved.

German coup plotters borrow from QAnon, Jan. 6

by Dave Anderson

Boulder Weekly

welcomes your correspondence via email (letters@boulderweekly.com). Preference will be given to short letters (under 300 words) that deal with recent stories or local issues, and letters may be edited for style, length and libel. Letters should include your name, address and telephone number for verification. We do not publish anonymous letters or those signed with pseudonyms. Letters become the property of Boulder Weekly and will be published on our website.

On Dec. 7, some 3,000 German police o cers and special forces raided 150 locations in 11 of Germany’s 16 states as well as in Austria and Italy. Federal prosecutors said they arrested 25 people in connection with a conspiracy to storm the Bundestag (parliament), attack the national electrical power grid, and overthrow the German government. ey had allegedly been planning this coup since November 2021 and had been inspired by the Jan. 6 insurrection in the U.S. Capitol.

Prosecutors said those detained believe in a “conglomerate of conspiracy theories consisting of narratives from the so-called Reich Citizens as well as QAnon ideology.” ey added that members of the group also believe Germany is ruled by a so-called “deep state.”

Der Spiegel reported that locations searched include the barracks of Germany’s special forces unit KSK in the southwestern town of Calw. e unit has in the past been investigated over alleged far-right involvement by some soldiers.

Prosecutors declined to con rm or deny that the barracks were searched.

According to Der Spiegel, the items seized in the raids included 9mm pistols, swords, knives, stun guns, combat helmets, night-vision equipment, and the duty weapons of two police o cers who were among the suspects. Germany has strict gun laws, but some are now calling for stronger regulations.

e left-wing daily Die Tageszeitung reported that investigators found a “hit list” with 18 names and addresses

of prominent German politicians and journalists. ey included the foreign minister, Annalena Baerbock, along with six other members of the Bundestag and three public TV presenters.

Der Spiegel said the conspirators are “a rather strange menagerie” that includes “several former members of the German military’s Special Forces Command (KSK), an active elite soldier, a police o cer who had been suspended from duty, a judge who had been a member of the federal parliament with the far-right Alternative for Germany party for four years, a pilot, a lawyer who holds a doctorate degree, a top chef, a tenor singer, an entrepreneur and a doctor — a surprising number of people from the upper echelons of society.”

mate “corporation” created by the Allies after World War II. ey refuse to pay their taxes and refer to themselves as “Selbstverwalter,” or self-governed. is is similar to the U.S. “sovereign citizens.”

e leader of the plot was Prince Heinrich XIII, who is a descendant of

REICH CITIZENS MOVEMENT

far-right conspiracy theories. He said the dark forces of the Rothschilds and the Freemasons were responsible for both world wars.

In a wire-tapped conversation last summer, Heinrich was heard saying: “We’re going to wipe them out now, the time for fun is over!”

Like the U.S. far right, the plotters seem sublimely ridiculous but then seriously sinister upon closer examination. e group had been monitored for months after a tipo . Weeks before the raids, police were warned to prepare for attempts to storm the Reichstag.

had been Trump’s ambassador to Germany. He told Newsmax he was skeptical about the raids and thought the arrested far rightists were just “dissenting voices.”

Grenell was quite unpopular in Germany when he was ambassador. He enraged many Germans when he told Breitbart he supported far right parties in Europe such as Alternative for Germany.

e Reich Citizens movement (or Reichsbürger) is the dominant tendency in the group. ey have integrated the ideas of QAnon into a uniquely German narrative. ey claim the German state is an illegiti-

nobles who ruled parts of uringia, in eastern Germany, for about 800 years. He reportedly reached out to the Russian government for help in the plot. In 2019, Heinrich delivered a 16-minute speech at a digital business summit in Zurich lled with

New York Times reporters Katrin Bennhold and Erika Solomon note this was “the latest of a series of plots discovered in recent years of extremist networks preparing for a day the democratic order collapses, a day they call Day X.” Prosecutors told them this year’s plot was “possibly the most brazen in Germany’s postwar history.”

Richard Grenell disagreed. He

Right after the U.S. insurrection, Grenell said the worst thing that happened on Jan. 6 was Trump getting kicked o Twitter. “January 6th was a terrible day because it’s the day Big Tech and the media kicked President Trump o Twitter and silenced his voice,” he said. “ at was the day that was an attack on our democracy.” (Actually, Twitter banned Trump’s account on Jan. 8.)

Now, Trump and QAnon have been welcomed back to Twitter by Elon Musk. Rough times ahead.

is opinion column does not necessarily re ect the views of Boulder Weekly.

WHERE DID JOHN GO?

Where did John (Lehndor ) go? I miss his journalism. Ari (LeVaux), are you in your 20s? Have you heard of the Mediterranean diet (Flash in the Pan, “Why turn a bean into a burger?” Dec. 1 2022)? It’s been around a couple thousand years at least. Very vegetarian forward.

Most cultures are very veggie “forward.” Maybe it’s your “hunter’s mentality,” but German and U.S. cuisine is very “meat” heavy. Most veg cuisines don’t hide that fact. You must be an American youngster not well-versed in international cuisine. Where’s John? He had lots of life and international cuisine experience. I’m sorry you don’t have much culinary experience. Please bring back John. Your journalism is very limited. First Clay, now Ari. (Editor’s note: Clay Fong, a former food critic for both Boulder Weekly and then the Daily Camera ) ese children are lacking in culinary experience. Maybe [his] mom would hide the veggies under meat. Please come back, John. Are you all trying to send the Weekly down

the “daily” road?!

Anonymous, handwritten letter

Editor’s note: As mentioned previously, John Lehndor is recovering from serious back surgery. He assures us he’ll be back in the fold at Boulder Weekly when he’s healed. Until then, it’s nothing but us “youngsters” holding down the fort.

DO BETTER, DIG DEEPER

Boulder Weekly, my old friend, how many times do I have to tell you? Your “Students of cannabis” article (Weed Between the Lines, “Students of cannabis,” Dec. 8, 2022) illustrates how yet again the cannabis culture is being hijacked by local government, corporations, venture capitalists and now our own CU system. Rather than showcase the growers and workers who have carried this medicine in constant fear of incarceration, the article focuses on how the university is “cultivating passion and interest in pharmacy students.” e article could have been about the insanely high taxes (no tax write o s since it’s still federally illegal), or people who have lost their entire life savings jumping

through the hoops of the County while the rules change and businesses get crushed. You could talk about how the county issued far too many licenses knowing full well that not even half would survive. CU draws a lot of water in Colorado, employing thousands of people, and is likely a huge percentage of Colorado’s tax revenue, so to be critical of such a ne institution would be sinful. However, CU was one of the most toxic work environments (nepotism, gossip, graduate-school level drama and grown men acting like children) and wasteful employers I’ve ever worked for! CU regularly throws out thousands of dollars worth of perfectly good furniture (vintage hardwoods replaced with cheap Chinese made products). Usable o ce supplies, even tempered glass worth thousands all got thrown in the dumpster because my manager got tired of looking at it or it was too many labor hours to donate it to Goodwill. Multiply that waste by the number of colleges in the country. So now CU wants their piece of the cannabis industry since colleges

across the country are struggling to stay relevant in this new age of social media and the internet. How many of us Gen Xers are out here with school loans and useless degrees? Why not do an article about a grower who has been breeding strains for 30 years? How about speaking to the workers about how they are treated and the constant turnover at these dispensaries? No, the Weekly has to continue with the charade that “legalization” has been great for all of us when in fact this is not the case. Can someone at the Weekly please do an article about the real e ects of legalization on the people and workers of Colorado? (Editor’s note: Check out our news story from April 14, 2022, “Greenlining,” about how Coloradans of color have been shut out of the cannabis industry.) It’s been awful for the workers and the owners, and the state gets most of the money. You are better o buying your medicine from a local grower or growing it yourself-just as the farmers market compared to a supermarket. Please, Boulder Weekly. Do better. Dig deeper.

William C. Donohoe/Longmont

child abuse reporting rules

by Ann Schimke, Chalkbeat Colorado

is story was originally published by Chalkbeat. Sign up for their newsletters at ckbe.at/ newsletters

Colorado teachers, principals, school counselors, and other school sta could eventually get more clarity on their legal responsibility to report child abuse and neglect.

A new group of experts, the Mandatory Reporting Task Force, launched this month to consider ways to improve reporting of child abuse and neglect in Colorado. Current reporting rules, which apply to employees in about 40 professions, are often vague and contribute to a disproportionate number of reports targeting families of color. e group’s nal report is due in January 2025. e new task force came out of a 2022 state law prompted partly by the case of Olivia Gant, a 7-year-old girl whose mother falsely portrayed her as being terminally ill.

Stephanie Villafuerte, Colorado’s child protection ombudsman, said another reason for the task force is continued confusion from mandated reporters about what they’re required to report, how quickly reports must be made, and how reporting protocols work in large organizations like school districts and hospitals.

During the group’s inaugural meeting last week, many of the more than 30 members talked of creating a child welfare system that’s friendlier to families, more transparent for mandated reporters, and more careful to avoid con ating poverty with abuse or neglect.

“ ere’s research nationally that would suggest that we are sweeping in way too many families for issues like poverty, for example,” she said. “ ere’s also concerns that not only are we sweeping in the wrong families, we’re not sweeping in the right families and those are the cases that you hear when someone should have made a mandated report, and they didn’t.”

Villafuerte said a state campaign promoting reporting of child abuse a decade ago may have

inadvertently pushed educators and others to report families living in poverty. e slogan was “You pick up the phone. We make the call” — meaning if mandated reporters had any concerns about a child, they should call the child abuse hotline and let experts sort it out.

“What we’ve learned about that messaging is that good people — teachers — will say, ‘I had a child come to school several days in a row really hungry and not clean and I don’t know who else to call. I’m going to call the child abuse hotline,’” she said.

In such situations, the problem may have nothing to do with abuse, but rather a family’s need for food or housing help, she said. But being reported, even if parents are ultimately cleared of wrongdoing, creates a lingering sense of fear and trauma.

Several task force members said mandated reporters need more ways to support caregivers who are struggling. Others said the nal recommendations must also acknowledge the limits of what certain mandated reporters can do to help families.

“Some mandatory [reporters] are in a great position to provide supports, and others, like our educators, that’s not their primary job,” said Michelle Murphy, executive director of the Colorado Rural Schools Alliance. “Let’s be clear what we’re asking folks to do and what their skill set is.”

Murphy also noted that in education settings, abuse allegations may focus not on parents, but rather employees or even other students.

Dawn Alexander, who heads an advocacy group for private child care providers, the Early Childhood Education Association of Colorado, said clear rules for mandatory reporters are critical because reports can set o secondary consequences.

She gave the example of a young child left alone on the playground for one minute after the rest of the group had returned to the classroom. Even if the child was immediately retrieved and no harm came of it, a report could trigger separate actions by the state’s early childhood department, she said.

“It could potentially result in monthly visits and probation and all kinds of additional issues that don’t center around that claim of abuse and neglect,” she said. e report “is the door that opens to all those other systemic consequences.”

Other task force members said the law should be rewritten so mandated reporters don’t end up in legal trouble because they didn’t understand the rules.

Villafuerte said Colorado schools must provide training to mandatory reporters, but there are no uniform standards and the content varies widely by district.

Jessica Dotter, sexual assault resource prosecutor with the Colorado District Attorneys’ Council, said she hopes the task force will bring about a law change that “results in no mandatory reporter ever landing on a DA’s desk again for failure to report because it’s so clear what the duty is.”

“In my experience, mandatory reporters are … hardly ever nefariously failing to report,” she said. “It’s a mistake. It’s a lack of training. It’s a lack of understanding.”

Chalkbeat (chalkbeat.org) is a nonpro t news organization covering public education. Ann Schimke is a senior reporter at Chalkbeat, covering early childhood issues and early literacy. Contact: aschimke@chalkbeat.org.

Confused about

for Colorado educators? Clarity is coming.

Work like a dog (or cat)

Meet the four-legged employees behind your favorite local businesses by Boulder Weekly staff

It’s no secret that we love our animals here in Boulder County. Whether hitting the trails with a trusty pup or pulling up a table next to a feline companion at the Purrfect Pause Cat Cafe, you’ll see evidence of their special place in our hearts all around. Our local retailers are no exception. You’ll find four-legged mascots wandering the aisles and sunning in the windows of a number of local shops, from cannabis dispensaries to vintage stores and points in between. That’s why Boulder Weekly spent time getting to know just a few that make their respective businesses so special. So when you’re out doing your last-minute holiday shopping this season, be sure and say hi to these furry employees.

Freddie, Snarkington’s Gifts (324 Main St., Longmont)

Don’t let her unassuming demeanor lull you into a false sense of ease — the tortoiseshell cat at Snarkington’s Gifts is a stone-cold killer.

“She's named after Freddy Krueger,” explains Lisa Patchem, owner of the eclectic gift shop on Main Street Longmont.

When Freddie was a kitten, her original owner (fellow downtown business owner Julie Benoit of Maker General) was stumped on what to name her. After dining out one evening, Benoit came home to a bloody mess.

“[The cat] apparently caught a mouse or a rat, and dragged it up the staircase,” Patchem says.

And from then on, the cat was known as Freddie.

She came to Snarkington’s in 2021 after Benoit’s daughter developed severe allergies. Patchem suggested they give Freddie a new life as a shop cat at Snarkington’s.

“She's been with us since August of ’21, and Julie [Benoit] and her family are here all the time, so they still get to visit Freddie,” Patchem says. “It's a win-win for everybody.”

In the back of the shop — past the handmade jewelry, the physician’s-style bag with cat faces on it, the candles, ornaments, T-shirts, mugs and other delightful tchotchkes — the 12- (or 13-) year-old cat has a heated pet bed perched atop a chair with signs directing patrons on how to interact with Freddie: Pet at your own risk, mostly on her back, never on the tummy.

Patchem opened Snarkington’s Gifts in November 2020 “to give Longmont some laughter and levity during a really hard time.”

Drop by and pet Freddie while you finish your holiday shopping — there’s even a sticker to let folks know you’ve had the honor.

CAITLIN ROCKETT

Hammy, Heady Bauer (2009 13th St., Boulder)

There’s a reason handsome Hammy is known as “Pearl Street’s therapy dog.” With his friendly disposition, the one-year-old pup posted up at the eclectic Heady Bauer vintage shop puts a smile on the face of pretty much everyone who walks through the door. In fact, some people stop in just to see him.

“He's just an excited lover. He's really just a goofball,” says owner Pinner Chalabiani, who took him home as a puppy. “And he’s not shy at all. He loves to greet people. He’s just a big ball of joy.”

Hammy (or simply Ham) makes a natural addition to the pet-centric store selling gently used, one-of-a-kind threads in a fun-and-funky environment that’s uniquely Boulder. The store relocated earlier this year to its new downtown location, and this lovable lug has wasted no time making new friends with customers and their pets from his new perch just off Pearl Street.

“Sometimes people walk in and there's multiple dogs in here playing,” Chalabiani says. “And I'm just like, ‘Hey, if you're not a dog person, maybe come back in an hour or so. Now is not your time.”

In addition to all the socializing, Hammy loves to jam in the store’s dedicated music corner filled with instruments. If his owner hops on the bongos, the danceready dog wastes no time grabbing a tambourine with his mouth and shaking it furiously to the beat.

It’s one of the reasons customers like Baba, a mononymous regular who frequently combs through the store’s unique collection, say they feel a special bond with the gentle canine companion.

“It’s no fanship — that's literal kindred,” the stylish customer says. “This dog chose my spirit upon arrival.”

Lily, Pettyjohn’s Liquor and Wine (613 S. Broadway, Boulder)

Sweet Lily is nine years old in human years, so she’s well beyond the drinking age by her canine count. So don’t be alarmed if you see her hanging out inside Pettyjohn’s Liquor in South Boulder, where this well-behaved girl has been enjoying the finer things in life for the last few years.

“She’s super mellow, super observant and friendly,” says owner and Pettyjohn’s employee Patrick Bowe. Lily is his first dog, taken home just before her fourth birthday, so being able to bring her in for shifts at his workplace has been a great opportunity for the pair to enjoy a little togetherness on the job.

If you spot this gorgeous white German Shepherd hanging out in the bourbon or craft beer aisle, don’t be afraid to show her a little love. “She's shy. But she just wants you to make the first move and go in and pet her and then she's cool,” Bowe says.

And if you really want to get in good with Lily, don’t come empty-handed. Bowe says her favorite customers come bearing gifts. “People will bring freeze-dried liver in their pockets just for her,” Bowe says. “She’ll follow them around because she knows she’s gotten homemade treats from them before.”

Given her laid-back and friendly vibe, it’s no wonder this booze-store beauty has stolen the hearts of so many customers at the South Boulder staple.

“She’s really the mascot for the store,” Bowe says. “People know her name more than mine.”

Daisy, Rocketman (4461 Broadway, Boulder)

This gorgeous gal has called the vibrant North Boulder head shop Rocketman home for a couple years — but she’s only been running things inside since last summer. She came from an outdoor colony of stray cats that has been living behind the store for two decades. After getting picked on by some of the larger cats, Daisy soon found her way inside the doors (and hearts) of the Broadway business and its employees.

“She is very, very social. She loves people. She loves treats,” says employee Tatum Mead. “And she’ll pick up her toy and show you when it’s time to play.”

Daisy’s favorite toy is homemade: a feathery bird attached to a working fishing rod. When she’s not batting it around, you’ll catch her sleeping on the counters or rubbing up against her favorite customers (which happen to be the same ones who slip her treats).

Be sure to pay Daisy a visit the next time you’re dodging construction cones on North Broadway and looking for your next piece. Rocketman is open seven days a week, 11 a.m.-9 p.m.

When Colorado country-punk icon Slim Cessna drove from his home in South Park recently to be interviewed in Boulder, where he grew up, he tried to remember the last time he’d been here — and he couldn’t. There just isn’t a place for a band like Slim Cessna’s Auto Club (SCAC) to play in the city anymore.

But the lanky, passionate singer has fond memories of his hometown. From participating in Christian youth events to putting on punk shows with friends in the ’80s — not to mention meeting his longtime bandmate Munly Munly, who was working at the now-defunct Trade a Tape record shop — Cessna found a community in Boulder as a young man.

Those years were important for the fourth-generation Coloradan raised on country music, who says he can’t remember a time when he didn’t know who legends like Jimmie Rodgers and Johnny Cash were.

“We did have some records and I would obsess over them as a child, just staring at the Folsom Prison Blues album and being horrified and intrigued, from early on,” Cessna says. “I always knew what I was going to do.”

Growing up the son of a preacher, Cessna says it’s only natural that his first songs, chiefly with a group called Blood Flower, were laden with Christian imagery.

“That certainly is where I’ve come from, and everyone I played music with at the time, we were all in that same place. We all knew each other because of youth type of church-related activities,” he says. “We were the ones who listened to interesting music but were still part of that whole culture and background. I think it always kind of had that foundation, I suppose.”

try revival atmosphere in his trademark trucker or cowboy hat, glasses, boots and black clothes. Cessna’s voice is pretty highpitched for the countrified death-rock SCAC plays, but it fits the revival-style peaks the band’s fans love.

Whether or not you’re a Christian doesn’t matter at all when it comes to enjoying the Auto Club, Cessna says. It’s about getting carried away, a quality he began to recognize in both spiritual and secular artists during his music education in the ’90s.

“I was just poring through albums and listening to the history of American music in a quest to understand what it was.

Higher power

Though the band might have been labeled goth if formed later, Blood Flower identified as “death rock,” influenced by bands like Joy Division and Sisters of Mercy. The outfit evolved into the Denver Gentlemen, which also featured David Eugene Edwards and Jeffrey-Paul Norlander. Edwards (16 Horsepower, Wovenhand) went on to introduce an adoring European market to what would become known as “The Denver Sound” or even “The Colorado Sound” — a sort of alternative outlaw country thick with biblical undertones.

For his part, Cessna moved on from Denver Gentlemen to form the Auto Club in the early ’90s and started touring like crazy around the turn of the millennium. This was a couple years after Munly and Dwight Pentacost joined the group, solidifying its vision. Cessna says the new personnel helped SCAC gel into the genre-defying powerhouse listeners obsess over today.

“I was trying to be a country singer and I wasn’t very good at it, and I think the reason for that is I’ve always been kind of weird and I wasn’t really like that,” he says. “It took having these other people with me who are really interesting, oddball people. We just dropped any idea of genre, and I think that is the most important thing of what we’ve been able to accomplish.”

Cessna says a major part of what the band has been able to accomplish is the development of a singular sound and presence. While Munly stalks the stage with a sort of Vincent Price vibe, the 6-foot-5 Cessna exudes a sort of reverence for both God and rock ‘n’ roll in concert, leading a kind of alt-coun-

So much of it is gospel music, and I love gospel music. Whether you believe in it or not, it’s going to take you to another place. It’s going to elevate you to a higher place, and that’s just what it does and that’s what it’s designed for,” he says. “Spiritual music throughout all cultures does that. Some people say, ‘I can get that same feeling at a punk rock show,’ and that’s absolute truth. You can. It is in there. God is in that, whether you’re listening to David Bowie or Mahalia Jackson.”

This spiritually transporting quality courses throughout 2016’s The Commandments According to SCAC, the band’s most recent album. It’s the first that the outfit produced and engineered all on its own, and touring in support of the record found SCAC not only returning to Europe numerous times, but even to Russia — twice.

Closer to home, SCAC has spent the last decades performing regular New Year’s Eve shows here on the Front Range. Nearly a dozen were held at the Bluebird Theater in Denver before bouncing around and settling at the band’s current home at the Hi-Dive. COVID gave Cessna his first New Year’s off since 1998, but he’s excited to be back in the saddle.

“It’s been awesome,” Cessna says of the time-honored tradition. “We’re doing two nights [this year] instead of three, just to feel our way back in, but we’re looking forward to it.”

ON THE BILL: Slim Cessna’s Auto Club with Midwife, Bleakheart, In the Company of Serpents, Snakes and secret guests TBA. 9 p.m. Dec. 30-31, Hi-Dive, 7 S. Broadway, Denver. Tickets: $25 per night ($40 two-show bundle), hi-dive.com

Slim Cessna’s Auto Club returns with annual New Year’s Eve alt-country revival by Adam Perry

Beyond parody

Alert the Broadway divas. The touring production of Forbidden Broadway: The Next Generation! is back in Denver with a new era of blockbuster productions to lovingly poke fun at. The musical revue is currently playing at the Garner Galleria Theatre at the Denver Center for the Performing Arts through Jan. 1.

Forbidden Broadway first began parodying musicals back in 1982 at Palsson’s Supper Club in New York City, where it ran for more than 2,000 performances. The show created by Gerard Alessandrini was a four-person musical revue that roasted the best (and worst) of musical theater. It was a smashing success, touring all over the world and winning numerous awards (including a Special Tony and Drama Desk Award).

“Ambition,” and many more of the group’s seminal numbers. Aside from the very funny Frozen parody of “Let it Go” called “Overblown,” the script’s newer additions are a little lackluster. Unfortunately, these newer songs attempt to mine the same material as the show’s other parodies; there are just only so many times that a joke about Broadway being dead and lazily written will be funny.

apologies have act

The play mostly sticks to big commercial shows, so apologies to the fans of more obscure musicals, but you’ll have to get your fix elsewhere. This lighthearted, twoact revue parodies more than 30 Broadway productions with over-the-top impressions, ridiculous costume changes and biting lyrics that poke fun at the shallowness of the fickle theater business.

Alessandrini updates the show frequently to include parodies of Broadway’s newest additions. This means no one is safe from the group’s musical ribbings as they tackle songs from recent hits like Dear Evan Hansen , Hamilton and Frozen , as well as classics like Cats , Les Misérables and Phantom of the Opera . And, while not every musical number works — like the confusing parody of Bernadette Peters as a coughing hack, or The Prom -inspired parody about the closing number in teen musicals — more are funny than not.

If you’ve recently seen a previous version of the show and are on the fence about attending, you’ll probably want to stay home. The updated script doesn’t include enough new material to justify a repeat visit. But if you are a big fan of musical theater who has never seen Forbidden Broadway , or you haven’t caught the show in years, the high-octane energy from the cast and the group’s classic parodies are definitely worth seeing live at least once.

ON STAGE: Forbidden Broadway: The Next Generation! by Gerard Alessandrini. Various times through Jan. 1, The Garner Galleria Theatre, 1101 13th St., Denver. Tickets: $52, denvercenter.org

works -inspired parody comedic Collins-Pisano, Katheryne Catherine music the show, not changed. send-up

Forbidden Broadway’s success is largely attributable to the four actors’ commitment and comedic instincts. The touring cast consists of Chris Collins-Pisano, Gina Kreiezmar, Kevin B. McGlynn and Katheryne Penny, who sing their hearts out, along with Catherine Stornetta, the show’s pianist and the group’s music director. It is a true ensemble piece, and every actor is given a moment to shine.

Though a few new numbers have been added to the show, many of the group’s well-known parodies have not changed. They still include their Stephen Sondheim send-up “Into the Words,” a Bob Fosse tribute called “Saucy Fosse,” their Fiddler on the Roof parody about actors in New York called

‘Forbidden Broadway’ celebrates its 40th year of skewering the stage with a few new numbers and a lot of classic hits by Toni Tresca

■ Community Hangout Night

4:30 p.m.–9 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 22, East Simpson Coffee Company, 201 E. Simpson St., Lafayette. Free Want to enjoy a little togetherness over some craft coffee and live music? Head to East Simpson Coffee Company in Lafayette for Community Hangout Night. You won’t meet a stranger at this local event featuring a performance by the Amy Biondo/Bill Kopper Duo, a local outfit blending Latin, pop, jazz and R&B with a mix of cover songs and original works.

■ Pearl Street Paranormal Haunted History Tour

7-8:30 p.m. Dec. 23-25, Downtown Visitors’ Kiosk, 1303 Pearl St., Boulder. Tickets: $20

Get up close and personal with the ghosts of Christmas past in this fun and freaky look at Boulder’s paranormal side. This 90-minute walking tour is a great way to see the city in a haunting new light, featuring stories from local history guaranteed to keep you up at night.

■ Five @ 11: Saturday Artist Critique

11 a.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, virtual. Free, registration: boulderartassociation.org

Need some insight on your art? Each Saturday at 11 a.m., Boulder Art Association hosts a session of “positive, respectful and constructive” critiques of works by five local artists. Whether you want some feedback on your art, or you’re just looking to be part of a vibrant creative conversation, you’ll want to register for this virtual event hosted by

Dallago and Ed Narvaez.

■ St. Nick on the Bricks 11 a.m.-2 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, 1300 Block of Pearl Street, Boulder. Free

■ A Winter’s Eve with Megan Burtt and Sturtz

7 p.m. Thursday, Dec. 22, eTown Hall, 1535 Spruce St., Boulder. Tickets: $25, etown.org

Head to downtown Boulder for eTown Hall’s second annual holiday concert. The evening will include performances by singer-songwriter Megan Burtt and acoustic quartet Sturtz featuring Andrew Sturtz (vocals, guitar), Jim Herlihy (banjo), Courtlyn Carpenter (cello) and Will Kuepper (bass). It’s sure to be a festive night of music you won’t want to miss.

It’s the last chance for your little ones to visit with Santa before the big day, so be sure and swing by downtown Boulder for St. Nick’s final appearance of the year. Afterward, kids ages 10 and under can hop aboard for a free ride on the 100% Electric Tebo Train (a.k.a. The Snowflake Express).

■ Christmas Eve Family Skate

11:15 a.m.-12:15 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, Longmont Ice Pavilion, 725 8th Ave. Free

Nothing says the holidays quite like ice skating, and families will have the chance to partake with the Big Man himself during this Christmas Eve celebration at the Longmont Ice Pavilion. Bring a donation to help support Community Food share during this winter wonderland event to lend a helping hand to hungry folks right here in Boulder County.

Rick

EAST

ETOWN

■ Christmas Eve Dinner

4:30-8:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 24, Jill’s Restaurant & Bistro at St Julien, 900 Walnut St., Boulder. Tickets: $90 per person ($35 for kids ages 4-12)

Want to celebrate the season with a world-class meal? Jill’s Restaurant & Bistro is offering a variety of special selections at set prices on Christmas Eve. Make your reservation now and give the gift of an elegant candlelit dinner — with the added benefit of not having to cook for the holiday.

ALL EVENTS TAKE PLACE ON SATURDAY, DEC. 31.

★ BOULDER

License No. 1 NYE Party

8-11:55 p.m. License No. 1, 2115 13th St., Boulder. Tickets: $25, license1boulderado.com

NYE at Avalon Ballroom

7 p.m. 6185 Arapahoe Road, Boulder. Tickets: $45 in advance, $55 day of

9 p.m. Fox Theatre, 1135 13th St., Boulder. Tickets: $35-$40, axs.com

★ DENVER

New Year’s Eve Fireworks 9 p.m. and midnight, 16th Street Mall, Denver

The String Cheese Incident

7:30 p.m. Mission Ballroom, 4242 Wynkoop St., Denver. Tickets: $100$130, axs.com

■ Boulder Comedy Show

7-8:30 p.m. Sunday, Dec. 25, Rayback Collective, 2775 Valmont Road, Boulder. Tickets: $20, bouldercomedyshow.com

Amid the stress of the holidays, we could all use a laugh. Lucky for you, the Boulder Comedy Show returns to the Rayback Collective on Christmas Day for a side-splitting evening of jokes and storytelling. Don’t miss this hilarious event founded by CU alum Brent Gill that’s been a Boulder tradition for nearly a decade.

■ Nature Adventure Days: Creative Wild Cats

8 a.m.-4 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 27, Wild Bear Nature Center, 20 Lakeview Drive, Nederland. Tickets: $75-85, wildbear.org

If your kiddos are fascinated by wildlife, they won’t want to miss this educational outdoor exploration uncovering the mysteries of winter feline hunters and their resilient lives in the mountains. This event for children ages 5-12 will explore the symbiotic relationship between open space and wild cats like bobcats and mountain lions, with shuttle service from Boulder to Nederland.

NYE at BOCO Cider with The Basement Blues Project 5:30-9 p.m. BOCO Cider, 1501 Lee Hill Drive, Unit 14, Boulder. Free

New Year’s Eve with The Goonies at the Velvet Elk Lodge 8 p.m.-1 p.m. Velvet Elk Lounge, 2037 13th St, Boulder. Tickets: $100

DV8 and Junkyard Social Club

Present: Eternal A New Years Celebration Saturday, December 31, 2022, 8 p.m. DV8 Distillery, 2480 49th St., Unit E, Boulder.

New Year’s Eve Meditation Unity of Boulder Spiritual Center, 2855 Folsom St., Boulder. Free

NYE at Avanti

Avanti Boulder, 1401 Pearl St., Boulder. Free

Lotus New Year’s Eve — Night 2

9 p.m. Boulder Theater, 2032 14th St., Boulder. Tickets: $35-$150, axs.com

New Year’s Eve with Funkiphino

9 p.m. St. Julien Hotel & Spa, 900 Walnut St., Boulder. Tickets: $125$175, eventbrite.com

New Year’s Eve Dance Party

7 p.m. Gold Hill Inn, 401 Main St., Boulder. Tickets: $45, goldhillinn.com

Resolution New Year’s Eve 2022 7:30 p.m. The Brighton, 3403 Brighton Blvd., Denver. Tickets: $99-$199, resolutiondenver.com

★ LONGMONT

Outworld Brewing’s New Year’s Eve

9 a.m.-9 p.m. Outworld Brewing, 1725 Vista View Drive, Suite B., Longmont. Tickets: $40-$60, eventbrite.com

★ LOUISVILLE

NYE All Hits Silent Disco Party (All Ages) 6:30 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, The Louisville Underground, 640 Main St., Louisville. Free

★

LYONS

Drag Show and Bar Crawl

7 p.m. Saturday, Dec. 31, Spirit Hound Distillers, 4196 Ute Highway, Lyons. $10 cover charge for the main event/show at The Diner Bar.

★ NEDERLAND

Gasoline Lollipops

7 p.m. The Caribou Room, 55 Indian Peaks Dr., Nederland. Tickets: $25

Once upon a time in Iran

‘No Bears’ is among the best from imprisoned filmmaker Jafar Panahi

by Michael J. Casey

Somewhere in Turkey, a man and a woman obtain a foraged passport. The passport is for her, and once the man receives his, he will join her in Europe. Getting across the border is the tricky part. But they are in love, and love compels you to do tricky things.

But there’s a catch: They aren’t real. They are actors Mina Kavani and Bakhtiar Panjei, making a movie in Turkey while the director watches via Zoom across the border in a remote Iranian village. He is Jafar Panahi, the writer-director of the movie being made and the writer-director of the movie we are watching. There’s a fine line between artifice and reality in any Panahi film — more so in his latest, No Bears

Panahi is a titan of world cinema. His work in the 1990s and 2000s helped bring a new wave of Iranian cinema to the world stage. Then in 2010, Panahi was charged with propaganda against the Iranian government, put under house arrest and sentenced to a 20-year ban on making movies.

No Bears is Panahi’s fifth movie since that ban. All of them are fantastic, but No Bears is even better. The story’s twists and turns are never too much or too little. Panahi’s movie-within-a-movie is about two lovers trying to cross a border so they don’t have to live their lives in secret. It might not be vérité, but it feels authentic. Then events start happening in the small village that mirror the two lovers

on the lam. But Panahi refrains from heavy-handed underlining. You almost don’t recognize the parallel until Kavani breaks character and asks Panahi where the line between construction and documentation lies. “Didn’t you tell us that you’ll make a movie based on our lives?” she asks, more than a little concerned for herself and others. “What is this charade, then?”

There are real stakes, but what makes a Panahi movie so enjoyable is Panahi himself. He is a delight, both as a storyteller and as a presence. Watch in the early moments of No Bears how he walks around this village with a camera in his hands, capturing everything he sees. His landlord (Vahid Mobaseri) warns him not to go on the roof lest the neighbors think he’s spying on him. But who could believe that this man has nefarious intent in his heart? He’s like a Persian Winniethe-Pooh. Walks a little like him, too.

Now compare that image with the look on Panahi’s face before the movie cuts to black. The customs of this town and the society he lives in are amusing, to a point, then terrifying. The ancient traditions enforced upon Panahi seem trivial, and Panahi makes every concession he can. It doesn’t take long for things to become gravely serious.

It’s a reality Panahi is painfully aware of. This past July, the filmmaker was arrested and imprisoned again, this time for six years. The cinema of some is far more urgent than the cinema of others.

ON SCREEN: No Bears opens in limited release on Dec. 23.

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES

MARCH 21-APRIL 19: “Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor,” writes Aries author Anne Lamott. “It will keep you cramped and insane.” I think that’s a key theme for you to embrace in 2023. Let’s express the idea more positively, too. In Navajo culture, rug weavers intentionally create small imperfections in their work, like odd-colored beads or stray pieces of yarn. This rebellion against unattainable exactitude makes the art more soulful. Relieved of the unrealistic mandate to be flawless, the rug can relax into its beauty.

TAURUS

APRIL 20-MAY 20: Here are my four decrees for you in 2023, Taurus. 1. You are cleared to be greedy if it’s in service to a holy cause that fosters others’ well-being as well as yours. 2. It’s permissible to be stubborn if doing so nourishes versions of truth and goodness that uplift and inspire your community. 3. It’s proper to be slow and gradual if that’s the best way to keep collaborative projects from becoming slipshod. 4. It’s righteous to be zealous in upholding high standards, even if that causes less diligent people to bail out.

GEMINI

MAY 21-JUNE 20: In 2023, many interesting lessons will arrive via your close relationships and collaborations. You will have the potential to learn more about the art of togetherness than you have in a long time. On occasion, these lessons may initially agitate you. But they will ultimately provide more pleasure and healing than you can imagine right now. Bonus prediction: You will have an enhanced talent for interweaving your destiny together with the fates of your allies.

CANCER

JUNE 21-JULY 22: Here are some projects I’d love to see you pursue in 2023: 1. Teach your allies the fine points of how to cherish you but not smother you. 2. Cultivate your natural talent for appreciating the joys of watching and helping things grow: a child, a creative project, a tree, a friendship, or your bank account. 3. If you don’t feel close to the family members that fate provided you with, find others you like better. 4. As you explore territories that are further out or deeper within, make sure your Cancerian shell is expandable. 5. Avoid being friends with people who are shallow or callous or way too cool. 6. Cultivate your attraction to people who share your deepest feelings and highest ideals.

LEO

JULY 23-AUG. 22: Mystic teacher Terence McKenna said, “You have to take seriously the notion that understanding the universe is your responsibility, because the only understanding of the universe that will be useful to you is your own understanding.” This will be key advice for you in 2023. You will be wise to craft an updated version of your personal philosophy. I suggest you read a lot of smart people’s ideas about the game of life. Make it your quest to commune with interesting minds who stimulate your deep thoughts. Pluck out the parts that ring true as you create a new vision that is uniquely your own.

VIRGO

AUG. 23-SEPT. 22: How should we refer to your romantic adventures in 2023? We could be whimsical and call them “Ritual Mating Dances on the Outskirts of History.” We could be melodramatic and call them “Diving into the Deep Dark Mysteries in Search of Sexy Treasures.” Or we could be hopeful and call them “A Sacred Pilgrimage to the Frontiers of Intimacy.” I think there’s a good chance that all three titles will turn out to be apt descriptors of the interesting stories ahead of you — especially if you’re brave as you explore the possibilities.

LIBRA

SEPT. 23-OCT. 22: “Coddiwomple” is an English slang word that means to travel resolutely and dynamically toward an as-yet unknown destination. It’s not the same as wandering aimlessly. The prevailing mood is not passivity and vagueness. Rather, one who coddiwomples has a sense of purpose about what’s

enjoyable and meaningful. They may not have a predetermined goal, but they know what they need and like. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, the next six months will be an excellent time for you Libras to experiment with coddiwompling.

SCORPIO

OCT. 23-NOV. 21: In the theater of ancient Greece, the term anagnorisis referred to a pivotal moment when a character discovered a big truth they had previously been unaware of. Another Greek word, peripeteia , meant a reversal of circumstances: “a change by which the action veers round to its opposite.” I bring these fun ideas to your attention, dear Scorpio, because I think 2023 could bring you several instances of an anagnorisis leading to a peripeteia . How would you like them to unfold? Start making plans. You will have uncanny power to determine which precise parts of your life are gifted with these blessings.

SAGITTARIUS

NOV. 22-DEC. 21: Winters are cold in Olds, a town in Alberta, Canada. Temperatures plunge as low as 24 degrees below zero Fahrenheit. But an agronomist named Dong Jianyi has built a giant greenhouse there that enables him to grow vegetables year-round. He spends no money on heat, but relies on innovative insulation to keep the inside warm. In 2021, he grew 29,000 pounds of tomatoes. I propose we make him your inspirational role model for 2023, Sagittarius. My guess is, that like him, you will be a wellspring of imaginative resourcefulness. What creative new developments could you generate? How might you bring greater abundance into your life by drawing extra energy from existing sources? How could you harness nature to serve you even better?

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22-JAN. 19: ): In accordance with your astrological omens in 2023, I’ve chosen a quote from Capricorn storyteller Michael Meade. I hope you will make it one of your core meditations in the coming months. He writes, “All meaningful change requires a genuine surrender. Yet, to surrender does not simply mean to give up; more to give up one’s usual self and allow something other to enter and redeem the lesser sense of self. In surrendering, we fall to the bottom of our arguments and seek to touch the origin of our lives again. Only then can we see as we were meant to see, from the depth of the psyche where the genius resides, where the seeds of wisdom and purpose were planted before we were born.” (The quote is from Meade’s book Fate and Destiny, The Two Agreements of the Soul .)

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20-FEB. 18: In addition to my career as a horoscope columnist, I have written novels and other books. I have worked as a singer-songwriter in rock bands and performed a one-person show in theaters. As I survey my history, I always break into sardonic laughter as I contemplate how many businesspeople have advised me, “First, you’ve got to sell out. You’ve got to dumb down your creative efforts so as to make yourself salable. Only later, after you have become successful, can you afford to be true to your deepest artistic principles.” I am very glad I never heeded that terrible counsel, because it would have made me insane and unhappy. How are you doing with this central problem of human life, Aquarius? Are you serving the gods of making money or the gods of doing what you love? The coming year will, I suspect, bring you prime opportunities to emphasize the latter goal.

PISCES

FEB. 19-MARCH 20: I’ve chosen a sweet taste of advice for you to keep referring back to in 2023. It’s in rapt alignment with upcoming astrological omens. I suggest you copy my counsel out in longhand on a piece of paper and keep it in your wallet or under your pillow. Here it is, courtesy of author Martha Beck: “The important thing is to tell yourself a life story in which you, the hero, are primarily a problem solver rather than a helpless victim. This is well within your power, whatever fate might have dealt you.”

by Dan Savage

Dear Dan: My partner and I have known each other for 10 years. We fell madly in love, had a rich erotic and sexual relationship, and have explored ethical non-monogamy (ENM) together. In the past year there was a shift — a lessening of passion that I mistakenly attributed to a lack of desire for me. Then my wife started seeing a therapist, which subsequently brought her Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) to the surface. Previously she was able to keep it hidden; she only occasionally let on that she was unhappy with herself. We had been seeing a therapist together to discuss the ENM aspect of our relationship, but she asked me not to bring her BDD into these sessions. Recently, she decided it was too painful to continue. We have had two private conversations about it, and in the last one she took PIV off the table. Being seen or touched naked is just too painful/shameful for her. In-depth relationship communication is not a strength for us — based partly on the shame, pain, and guilt over this disorder, as well as other cumulative traumas from her past. We love each other very much and I have committed to being a strong and supportive partner. Based on this limited information, Dan, can you offer suggestions to help me manage this challenge? I don’t want to make things worse or create more problems, but I want my lover back.

—Lamenting Over Sorrowful Times

Dear LOST: You haven’t lost your lover. She’s still in your life and you’re still having some kind of sex — I mean, I assume you’re still having some kind of sex. You specifically mention your partner taking PIV off the table, LOST, along with… well, along with any other kind of sexual contact that requires her to be seen and/or touched naked, which wouldn’t leave a lot on the table. But I have to assume something was left on the table, LOST, however meagre, otherwise you would’ve said your partner cut off all sexual contact. But you didn’t say that… so I’m going to assume that hasn’t happened… at least not yet.

Your partner clearly has a lot of work to do in therapy, LOST, and you can be supportive while also being clear about your own needs/expectations/hopes for your future together… a future where you

hope to reconnect sexually. If your partner isn’t comfortable talking about your reasonable needs/expectations/hopes in any depth — or if she experiences your reasonable needs/expectations/hopes as coercive — taking a break from your relationship while she does the work may be in her own best interests.

Dear Dan: Why — why, why, why — do young cis gay dudes insist on calling their assholes “cunts” and “pussies” these days? I heard you talking about this on your podcast. As a woman with an actual vagina, I find this incredibly offensive and want it to STOP.

—Your Asshole’s NOT Of Pussies’ Equal

Dear YANOPE: Back when I was a young cis gay dude, YANOPE, most young cis gay dudes objected — vociferously — to any suggestion that their assholes resembled, in form or function, women’s pussies. And most didn’t want their assholes associated with female genitalia because they thought lady parts were disgusting and, even worse, they didn’t care who knew it. Now, young gay men are much better about vulvas and vaginas — some even fuck/date/marry other gay and bi men who have vulvas and vaginas — and they don’t care who knows it. So, what I’m basically saying here, YANOPE, is pick your poison: cis gay dudes who think pussy is icky and gross and will angrily reject any comparison/association or cis gay dudes who think pussy is powerful and amazing and will happily make the comparison/association themselves. The choice seems obvious to me.

P.S. It has been my experience — ahem — that younger gay men mostly do the thing you’re complaining about during sex. They don’t do it during Zoom meetings or when they’re having dinner with their lesbian pals. So, I don’t see how this impacts you. Even if it did, YANOPE, you can’t control what other people say during sex — with the exception of people you’re having sex with — and attempting to dictate terms is a waste of time.

Send your burning questions to mailbox@savage.love

Podcasts, columns and more at Savage.Love!

ROMAN ROBINSON

The world’s largest tiny restaurant

T/aco spreads the holiday cheer

by Colin Wrenn

It’s been just over a decade since T/aco (1175 Walnut St.) first opened its doors near the corner of Broadway and Walnut in Boulder. The urban taqueria was established by DiningOut partners Josh Dinar, Jeff Suskin and Geoff Smith and debuted its straightforward street taco concept in May 2012. It’s since snowballed in popularity for its largely scratch-made menu of Mexico and California-inspired classics all set atop house-made tortillas.

Though it’s not only the food that has endeared T/aco to the community. On any given night, the place is chock-full of devoted regulars who return multiple times a month to eat, drink and unwind in the compact and bustling dining room. “It’s the world’s largest tiny restaurant,” says managing partner Peter Waters with a grin.

Waters has been with the company since opening day and can still be found on-site, fully invested in keeping his managerial style decidedly boots-on-the-ground. He greets guests,

makes margaritas and occasionally pops back to the kitchen to work the line. “My goal was always to put myself in the customer’s shoes. If I was a guest, what would I want,” he says.

While most places attempt to follow some version of this philosophy, T/aco has honed the subtle art of hospitality, employing the same level of service often reserved for more upscale establishments. Guests can expect a warm reception and attentive service delivered in an entirely unstuffy and jovial fashion. The heaping plates of tacos served family style don’t hurt either.

“Geoff was out in San Diego and saw the popularity of the modern taqueria,” says Waters. So with the help of opening chef Matt Collier — an area local who had been working at Chicago’s famed taco emporium Big Star — T/aco was built around a combination of tried-andtrue classics like grilled cotija, fish and carnitas alongside out-of-the-box taco creations like buffalo chicken and duck mole.

After Collier departed in late 2012, the chef-driven model was replaced by an allcook kitchen and has continued to operate that way ever since, though Waters says the menu is still 60-70% the same as the opening list. “We’re kind of like a Chinese restaurant. You can’t take off the chicken fried rice,” he says. “There’s a 10-taco tie for third place,” he continues, noting that all the fan favorites will remain on the menu through a full reboot set for January.

Beginning in the new year, T/aco will reinstate a paper menu full of familiar gems alongside a secret digital menu of rotating specials that can only be accessed by QR codes stashed throughout the restaurant. New items will include a Philly cheese steak taco, a Korean pork belly taco and the “chicken sink,” topped with pineapple-marinated chicken, bacon, cheese and ranch dressing. The burritos, which became a popular to-go pivot during the height of the pandemic, will also grace the secret menu.

In 2015, Waters decided it was time to start making the tortillas from scratch. The kitchen staff — an almost all-female ensemble, practically entirely from Zacatecas, Mexico — have been expertly producing the foundation since.

“It was a big way these women were raised in Mexico that allows us to do this with such ease,” says Waters, noting that the only men in the kitchen are relatives of the existing staff who specifically handle prep while the ladies adeptly assemble the finished product. “It was this beehive. There are no training manuals,” he continues, explaining the synchronized dance executed by the longstanding employees.

Each December, Waters begins selling gift cards, with 100% of every gift certificate sold going directly to the kitchen staff and their families. “It helps us be more generous at the end of the day,” he says. The program was established six years ago as a response to a growing group of regulars who independently took interest in giving thanks to the hardworking crew. “I had guests who wanted to tip out the kitchen for the holidays,” he says, mentioning that guests would show up with envelopes full of cash meant to be handed directly to the cooks. “When people were being very generous, I wanted to give them gift cards.”

Since then, the big-heartedness has only grown. “The people who have an emotional connection to this place can give back without asking for a handout. It’s an opportunity for customers to feel emotionally attached,” says Waters. Close to 80% of all the gift cards T/aco sells each year are purchased in the month of December. “You don’t make it in this business that long unless you’re doing something right,” he continues.

“Matt Collier used to say, ‘I don’t want people waking up craving Mexican. I don’t want people waking up craving tacos. I want people waking up craving one of our tacos,’” Waters says. Items like the mushroom taco with rainbow chard, grilled cotija with pico de gallo and the barbecue pork taco with chipotle coleslaw, Oaxaca and cheddar cheeses, and diced tomato certainly have the power to become a lasting first choice.

That the restaurant has been able to follow an “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” model while taquerias cut from a similar cloth have become all the rage is a testament to just what can happen when staff and customers become family. In an industry where turnover is the norm, T/aco has managed to create a space where folks can expect continuity and quality. The holiday special is simply an added bonus for staff.

Going forward, Waters is looking forward to introducing the new menu and devoting additional attention to the growing catering side of the business: “I’m excited to be bringing the T/aco experience outside the restaurant.”

Ring in the New Year with a taste of modern Japan in the heart of Boulder!

Whether the sun is shining or snow is falling, our little corner of Pearl Street is the perfect place to celebrate the season. Feast alongside the jellyfish, sink into a lounge or take a seat at one of our lively bars.

Prefer the great outdoors? Our fireside patios are the coziest place to savor those mild winter days.

When your own couch is calling, all of your favorites are available for curbside pickup too.

No matter how you choose to dine don’t miss our ever-evolving specials, delicious seasonal cocktails, and latest rare whiskey!

by Nick Hutchinson

Beyond the Mountain Brewing celebrated its fifth anniversary earlier this month. Co-owners Charles Hixon and Morgan Way, who also serves as the head brewer, marked the occasion with plenty of their sudsy offerings at their laid-back Gunbarrel location (6035 Longbow Drive, Unit 109).

Originally from the East Coast, the duo, now in their 30s, got their start in the Boulder brewing scene while working at Twisted Pine Brewing (3201 Walnut St.). The beer aficionados are also longtime music fans who happily blend their passion for bluegrass and jam bands with hops and barley. The brewery’s website features an amusing black-and-white photo of the two of them carrying a keg across the main street in Telluride — a nod to the jacket cover of Phish’s Colorado ’88 release.

“On the cover of their album, they’re carrying a keyboard,” Hixon says. “We switched that out for a keg.”

Beyond the Mountain touts its history of partnering with roots-rock artists as part of its charitable efforts that bring together beer and music. Their music-themed team-ups have benefited local organizations including The Boulder Shelter for the Homeless and Girls Rock Denver.

“Our current music-related beer is tied in with the [bluegrass band] Big Richard,” says Hixon. “It’s a juicy IPA. I’ll approach a band I like and tell them about the charity aspect, where one dollar from every pint gets to go to a charity of their choice. If they like the idea, we brainstorm the beer together to come up with a style that they enjoy and then we try to make a recipe that matches the flavor profile they’re looking for.”

Other band partnerships for Beyond the Mountain include jam band The Jauntee, with whom the brewers created their popular Head Spin double IPA.

“We liked that one so much we made it a year-round

offering,” says Hixon. “We dabble in music ourselves, though we don’t play in bands.”

Beyond the Mountain offers a pleasing variety of brews, including a kettle sour, some dark beers, German-style lagers, IPAs and a refreshing kölsch.

“We like to offer a little of everything,” says Hixon, who grew up in Virginia. “We have 12 taps that we try to keep full all the time. One tap is usually a seltzer, but the other 11 are beers of ours.”

In addition to teaming up with local and national bands to create beer, Beyond the Mountain Brewing presents live music every week, which helps encourage business at their taproom.

“We love Gunbarrel,” Hixon says. “It’s an amazing neighborhood that’s really starting to take off. The main thing for us was finding a building with the right ceiling heights and enough space for all our equipment. We’ll be here for at least three more years.”

Beyond the Mountain currently hosts live music on Saturdays, bluegrass picks on Wednesdays and open mic nights on Tuesdays.

“We’re very music heavy,” Hixon says. “We have a loyal group of people who come to our events and bring their friends.”

Hixon says his appreciation for the music the brewery features is evenly split between jam and bluegrass,

ON TAP: Beyond the Mountain Brewing Company is located at 6035 Longbow Drive, Unit 109, Boulder

and that his taste for improvisation and cross-pollination in those genres spills over to his approach to beer making.

“We recently did a collaboration with MainStage Brewing in Lyons,” Hixon says. “They’re a fun spot that also does a lot of music stuff. We created a dark lager with them. Collaboration Fest is coming up in the spring, which sees a lot of interaction between breweries. We’ll do some more collaborations for that.”

Higher knowledge

Cannabis Science Conference is back for 2023 — and submissions are open by Will Brendza

The first time Josh Crossney organized the Cannabis Science Conference in Portland, Oregon, was in April of 2016. Without federal legalization, the science behind cannabis is severely restricted, and remains a largely unexplored area of research. Crossney wanted to create an event to help change that.

That first conference drew around 70 vendors and 800 attendees. It was small, but it was a start.

“When I got into this, I realized there were a lot of conferences and trade shows focused on the business of cannabis, but not really the science and medicine behind it,” Crossney told Baltimore Business Journal. “That’s really our focus.”

By the third year of the conference there were over 50 vendors and 3,000 attendees. The event had more than doubled in size. It was clear there was a lot of interest from the industry to learn more about the science behind this plant and its medicinal properties.

The Cannabis Science Conference is now the world’s largest and fastest growing cannabis science conference. And right now applications are open for scientists and industry leaders who have a topic they want to present at the 2023 conference.

The conference focuses on analytical science, medical cannabis, cultivation, and psychedelics. It brings in thought leaders, scientists, pioneers in cutting-edge medical applications and industry suppliers to give presentations, teach workshops and run panel discussions on topics ranging from lab testing and quality control, to academic research on cannabis, the potential health benefits for cancer and/or opioid addicted patients,

health benefits for pets and more.

Every year, the conference also includes “Cannabis Bootcamps.” These full-day, off-site interactive workshops get into the weeds of cannabis cultivation methods, extraction sciences, sample preparation, analytical testing and edibles manufacturing. It’s an opportunity to learn about techniques, technologies and instruments first hand, while also networking with industry experts.

Celebrities are usually a fixture of the Cannabis Science Conference as well. Montel Williams, the actor and TV host, spoke at the 2022 Baltimore conference on how he used medicinal cannabis to deal with his multiple sclerosis symptoms after his diagnosis in 1999. Ricki Lake and Fran Drescher have also made appearances in the past. Crossney says having celebrities discuss cannabis topics draws national attention to the event and breaks down the stigma surrounding the drug.

But the mainstays of the Cannabis Science Conference are always its featured speakers. These scientists and industry leaders have been selected to present abstracts on unique and groundbreaking topics in cannabis science.

Last year’s lineup included Dr. Dedi Meiri, an assistant professor and head of the laboratory of cancer biology and cannabinoid research at Technion — Israel Institute of Technology. His work revolves around identifying which cannabis strains treat specific diseases,

and profiling cannabis compounds given to Israel’s 6,000 medical cannabis patients.

Dr. Susan Audino, a scientific advisor and chemistry laboratory consultant, also presented, discussing how to efficiently, effectively and confidently test cannabis in lab settings to get the most accurate and useful results. Dr. John MacKay, a visiting lecturer at California State University who specializes in analytical instrumentation and development in both laboratory and pilot-scale settings, also presented his work.

And now through Jan. 20, submissions for abstracts are open for the 2023 Cannabis Science Conference. The conference is seeking abstracts on topics in analytical science (compliance testing of potency, terpenes and pesticides; safety, efficacy, 101/best practices, regulations, innovation and trends), medical cannabis, cultivation (genetics, pest management, controlled environment agriculture, latest developments and innovations, extraction techniques, and curing/manufacturing/ processing), psychedelics, and other cannabis-related science topics.

Abstracts can be submitted as an oral or poster abstract online on the conference’s submissions portal.

The 2023 Cannabis Science Conference will be held from April 19-21 at the Portland Expo Center. Tickets are available as exhibit-only passes (without access to oral presentations) and full access passes. Canna Boot Camp passes are sold separately.