4 minute read
YES, I’M KEEPING IT
So the plus sign means I'm pregnant huh? Now What?
By Abigail Edwards
These four words are about to change your life. After all, this wasn’t planned. It was supposed to be just another one of those nights…or days. Dinner, drinks, sex, sleep, wake up, go to work and do it all over again. Now, less than two months into your relationship- if you even have a relationship- she’s telling you that she’s pregnant and more importantly, it’s yours. This is crazy! You’re going to be a father because she’s keeping the baby and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it. What do you do especially in those first few days of finding out?
Each year in Jamaica, over 57% of pregnancies are unplanned, this according to the International Family Planning
Perspectives (2007). The demographic for these statistics cross the infamous downtown versus uptown divide. Either way, for an island as small as Jamaica, such statistics are worrisome. So you might sit and think to yourself “Those poor ladies!”
While I’m all for jumping on board the empathy train, I usually wonder “What about all those men?” The men. The real ones who choose to stick it out alongside their women. How do they feel? People usually forget that unplanned pregnancies affect both the partners in the relationship.
So men, don’t worry . I’ve got your back. I’m going to share with you some tips I think we women want to share with you about what we need from you during this ultra important “OMG” moment.
1.
First o , do not ask me if I’m
sure. You’re only going to further aggravate my already spinning emotions and I am likely to hit you. So please; I’ve peed on exactly three pregnancy test sticks and they’ve all read the exact same thing. I’ve also been to my gynaecologist who re-confirmed those three tests. Yes. We’re pregnant.
2.
Kindly refrain from assuming that this was some great conspiracy on my part to trap
you. In 2012 there are a host of ways to trap a man and that do not involve my body morphing over the span of 9 months; and are not limited to including that special “stewed peas suptin’” or a visit to Muma Sandra in St. Ann. Trapping? I think not. 5. are. I don’t know what I’m going to do as yet. Don’t panic. Right about now ALL of my panic buttons are switched on so I don’t need yours blaring as well.
6. Do not feel pressured to marry me. I’m not a believer in pregnancy = marriage. This is not 1963.
3. Next. Do not even think of asking me if it’s yours. As I said before, WE’RE pregnant. 4.
Don’t assume that abortion is an option and don’t assume
that it isn’t. At this point, I’m as confused and surprised as you 7. Do keep me calm. I came to you because I need some clarity and sense of direction. I need you to be some sense of reason to me here.
8. Do keep me from sinking into depression.
Even if we’re not thrilled by this sudden 9. addition to our lives, keep me optimistic that we’ll be alright. Do allow me to cry on your shoulder if I want to. 10.
Do give SENSIBLE suggestions as to how we’re going to deal with this because one way or the other it has to be dealt with…soon. Present me with hypothetical situations. Suggest positive ways and means to handle the situations. Don’t just automatically run the abortion line. This would reassure me that you’re going to be there for me and support me throughout this; whatever my decision is. At least pretend to be excited about it even if I’m not. I value your opinion but don’t force me to accept your suggestions. U nplanned pregnancies are scary and can entirely destroy couples. This does not have to be so though. Support for each other is crucial even more so for men. However, once they are successful in that department, especially after she tells you that she’s keeping it, all chips usually fall into place.
Abigail Edwards is born & bred in the land of Oil n Music; Trinidad & Tobago, 2% Jamaican, Carimac alumni, avid reader, lover of political discussions, aspiring humanitarian, big dreamer.
