THE MAKINGS OF A GREAT CHILDHOOD

I couldn’t have been older than seven, maybe eight

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years old. It was the summer holidays, and not yet time for our annual trip ‘abroad’. The days were long, and had to be filled by imagination and wonder. The luxury of iPads and Apple TVs was still about 30 years off at that point, and children still had to be entertained. JBC (the Jamaica Broadcasting Corporation – then the only television station) would sign on at 4p.m., so between waking up, and that heavenly hour when we got to watch Ruff n Ready and Batfink, my sisters, friends and I did just about everything we could to fill that gap.

by Michelle Gordon • Photography: Dwayne Watkins Props: Jeaneane Swaby • Laila's Tank Top & Tutu: Savannah's Garden

If nothing else, we were creative. We had to be, and I’m glad we were. They say imagination fosters learning, but I believe it fosters a whole lot more than that. These were the days of childhood past where friendships were formed, characters were built, and memories that last were made. From sun up until sundown, imagination, wit and creativity occupied our days. I’d say the iPad generation has nothing on us!

If we really think about it, childhood is the time in life, where happiness should be the order of the day - everyday. The only thing that should bring a tear or two, should be the occasional cut and scrape. That’s it. There’ll be plenty of time for work, worry and responsibility - later. So for now, let’s pack every ounce of pure, unadulterated happiness into the lives and memories of our children. We have but one chance, let’s make it count!

So what makes an amazing childhood?

Children will be children, no matter where in the world they live. But here in the Caribbean, we’re blessed with the canvas of sunshiny days and warm breezes almost 365 days of the year. What better palette could any youngster want to paint the perfect portrait of his childhood?

PLAY TIME

“Turn off that television and go play outside!” If you’ve ever uttered those words, or a variation of same, then you’re sure to understand the passion of a parent who sometimes wishes the TV would disappear with the twitching of her nose. According to the World Bank Indicator for Latin America and the Caribbean, 88.3% of all households in the region now have access to television services, and have television sets in their homes. This simply means that more children are able to watch television today, as opposed to a generation ago, when only approximately 72% of Caribbean homes were equipped with television sets.

This, coupled with the phenomenal growth in electronic entertainment offered by handheld devices and wireless gaming, sets the stage for an even greater challenge for parents to encourage our children to get outdoors.

For the most part, we’re ‘preaching to the converted’. Most parents agree that outdoor play is best for their children. We polled 30 parents, on 7 islands about their parenting practices, and all state that they include at least 1-2 hours of outdoor play for the children age 3 – 12 years.

LEARNING MORE THAN LEMONADE...

Although not a Caribbean original, the lemonade stand is a classic way to engage your child’s desire to have fun while beating the island heat. It also presents an incredible opportunity to teach your child some valuable money lessons – with the right guidance; you may just foster some entrepreneurial skills in the process.

From making the lemonade, to seeing their first satisfied customer, your children will have a great time at every stage. Be sure to supervise them during the process, and don’t ‘take over’ the fun. Add some baked goods (cookies or cupcakes are a perfect choice), to the lemonade stand, and they’re bound to have a great day! Create hand-written flyers ahead of time and distribute to neighbours, this way, they’ll be sure to have customers come by.

Encourage your child to use proceeds from the lemonade stand wisely. This can be the money they put toward buying that toy he or she wants so badly, or it could go to a charity of their choice. You may be surprised at how carefully they’ll spend their money – now that they did the work to earn it!

“THE LEMONADE STAND

IS A CLASSIC WAY TO ENGAGE YOUR CHILD’S DESIRE TO HAVE FUN WHILE BEATING THE ISLAND HEAT.”

LIFE LESSONS LEARNED EARLY

I recently saw a group a nine children, aged 3 – 8 years-old, solve a problem. They had to choose two teams to play a game, which required an equal number of players on each side. They did the math, and quickly realised that one team was outnumbered. After trying unsuccessfully to con a grown-up into balancing the other team, they decided amongst themselves, that one person would have to sit out the game. Needless to say, that one person was not happy. So after a fair amount of youthful debate, they established a rule – if ever there was an ‘odd person out’, that person became the o cial judge. I watched with pride, because they recognised they had a problem and created their own solution, with no adult interference whatsoever. Not surprisingly, the position of the judge soon after became quite coveted!

Children have fun when they play games, but it is also a great opportunity to teach that you win some, you lose some. In their perfect little worlds, young children often believe that Mummy and Daddy can fix any and every problem. So it’s natural that they turn to you when something goes wrong – even during play time. While games help introduce children to the di cult reality that a lot of life is beyond our control, the onus falls on us as parents to apply that knowledge appropriately in order get the best results.

“I tried my best, but I still didn’t win!” says the 3 year-old boy to his mummy. A familiar cry at many Sports Days, and one that requires just the right amount of compassion, with a bit of tough love to illicit the ideal effect.

Losing happens; it’s a natural part of life. It’s the learning-to-lose gracefully part that poses the challenge. If we place the emphasis on ‘trying your best’, and not on coming first, half the battle would already be won.

HERE ARE A FEW TIPS ON RAISING A GRACEFUL WINNER OR LOSER.

• Don’t let your child win. Play games with your child, and whenever you do, be fair. If he loses, make sure to be gracious yourself. If he sulks, encourage good sportsmanship, and if he wins, be sure to demonstrate the same.

• Teach your child to congratulate others when they win. The gesture of a handshake sets the foundation for a solid business practice incorporating integrity and good wishes.

• Recognise any small steps of growth and tell your child how proud you are of his efforts at handling loss. Hearing kind words after a loss will help to ‘ease the hurt.’ Talk about what happened and always encourage him to try harder next time.

• Children need validation. It gives them the security they need to be confident in life. But it’s important to know that winning does not validate. Trying does.

Save for Solitaire, just about every game includes the task of taking turns. Waiting is hard, even for some of us grown-ups, so imagine what a child, who wants every turn to be his, must go through. It’s hard for them to learn, and also hard for us to teach. But, this is the same foundation set when we say - “Do not interrupt Mummy while I’m on the phone”. Do you have any idea just how hard that is to do, when your threeyear-old needs to tell you something right away? (Ever noticed that that’s when they just MUST tell you something?) For so many children, who think that it’s ‘all about them’, this is an important way to teach them that others have needs as well. It’s also the same foundation we set for their balanced development and overall success in life. Waiting develops self-control – a critical component of character-building.

TAKING TURNS

Ask any 30- or 40-something islander today what was one of their favourite things to do when they were growing up, and you’re sure to hear ‘eat’. We’re not talking about the major meals here… I’m referring to the in-between meals, the filler-uppers and the little snacks that we weren’t allowed to have before dinner. “Don’t spoil your appetite!”

Well, the more things change, the more they stay the same. From the western-most tip of Negril, Jamaica, to the most easterly point of Long Bay, Barbados, Caribbean snacks remain vital in the life of a child.

Think fresh fruit, banana chips, natural sugar cane, tamarind balls, mango chow, and ‘dollar’ pholourie.

We have however gotten smarter, wiser and more conscious of the implications of eating unhealthy foods. In1991, The Caribbean Food & Nutrition Institute introduced Project Lifestyle, a pilot project launched in several islands aimed at introducing concepts of weight control, healthy eating and physical exercise into the public school curriculum. So today’s Caribbean parent proudly prepares foods for their children that are good for them, and provide balancing results. Obesity in the Caribbean is on the decline, and coupled with more outdoor playtime, these statistics stand to improve even more.

* The CFNI is a specialized Centre of the Pan American Health Organization/World Health Organization (PAHO/WHO) that serves a total population of about six (6) million.

Just about all homes in the Caribbean have access to a beach! For some it is just a short walk, and for others an exciting family trip. After all, this is the Caribbean! You can pack a picnic basket, or not. Good food is never far away.

Little else conjures up such excitement in young children as a day at the beach. So many Caribbean children learn to swim at the beach; a great combination of learning a useful skill while having fun. And fun those beach days were – jumping or diving from the jetty, swimming to the reefs, underwater acrobatics, and water wars. For those too young to venture out into the deep, the joys on the sand were just as fun. Children revel not just in building sand castles and carvings, but the joy of covering friends and family in mounds of sand, always evoked shrieks of laughter.

Heading to the beach? Be sure to pack all you’ll want and need to have a great day. Sunscreen is a must. And don’t forget toys for the children to play with. If you have non-swimmers in your family, take along your floatation devices. The Caribbean sun can be brutal, so be sure to take enough cold water for everyone in your party. And last, but certainly not least…your camera – there are sure to be many ‘kodak’ moments, so don’t leave home without it!

BEACH TIME

Children who play outside become more adventurous than those who don’t. They also develop a keen understanding of identifying and assessing risk. Try gardening – get them their own gardening tools, dedicate a spot in the yard for them, buy them some seeds…and let them loose! They’ll get dirty, but they’ll also have fun, and you may get some tomatoes in the process.

GETTING DIRTY

I remember the excitement my son felt just prior to starting Kindergarten at age 4. “Let’s go to school Mummy,” his little lisp was so cute that first early morning. We parted in class without tears or drama, and I was so very proud. The following day however, he protested. “I already went to school, Mummy…yesterday.”

There are many realities of childhood that children cannot escape. School is one of them. And for good reasons too. This is one of the first replicas of structured society that your child learns. Rules and regulations must be followed, actions have consequences and respect for authority is instilled. These are key lessons taught in the Caribbean school system. Choosing the school your child will attend is not a decision to take lightly. This is where your child will receive extensive influence on his educational experience, including his habits, socialisation, discipline and governance structures.

We are equipping the next generation with the tools to keep the Caribbean vibrant and productive. Encourage and support education programmes in your area. Mentor a child. Get involved in your child’s education.

SCHOOL TIME

I recall with extreme clarity, the way I was punished as a child. Not often, I might add, for I was a good child. (insert laughter here) Once caught, (it didn’t count if I wasn’t caught) and found guilty of whatever infraction I was charged with, my father would advise me that when he got home from work, after he had his dinner and read the paper, I was to retrieve the cane from its resting place. (Yes, he had a 3 foot cane that whinnied through the air on its descent to my hand). Now, please understand that I would have to endure this thought throughout the entire day while awaiting my punishment that evening. Can you say torture??? In retrospect, I suppose that was his plan, because his beating/spanking was so well-planned and controlled that it was never as painful as anticipated. But I still cried. Hollered even, probably out of embarrassment more than anything else. But my father taught me a valuable lesson. Never punish a child in anger. His giving ‘notice’ gave us both time to think; him about not killing me, and me about what I did.

Today, there are so many ways to

SERIOUS TIME aka DISCIPLINE

discipline a child. Time-outs, withholding fun activities, and removal of rewards are widely used. And while certainly no longer as common, spanking is still practised as a means of discipline. Let me just add that the same father who meted out such calculated punishments to me, now vehemently opposes any spanking of his grandchildren. Hah!

“He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes..… Proverbs 13:24

When I was a little girl, there was a reverence that I had for Sundays that differentiated that day from all others in the week. The air waves sounded different on Sundays. Memories of Skeeter Davis and Sam Cooke make me smile, and a ‘drive out’ after dinner, became as sure as rain. Sunday School was a must, and my sisters and I went each Sunday, (kicking and screaming nonetheless.) We didn’t go to one of those fun, music-filled churches. Ours was more along the traditional lines dictated by routine and boredom (sorry Mummy), but it did provide us with a very important foundation for our lives. We were exposed to God, and taught about faith, hope and love; something I believe grounded me, and kept me together.

Just as children need the validation of a loving parent, they also need a foundation of faith that will help to define them as they become increasingly independent.

CHURCH TIME

It’s not all bad. We often speak about the ills and harmful effects of the television, without giving much credence to any positive influence that it may have. Television can have a positive effect on children who watch ageappropriate programmes which have a positive emphasis. . Remember your TV habits ultimately set the foundation for your child’s TV habits as well. So be sure to set a standard that you’re comfortable dealing with.

TV TIME

All the trimmings of a happy childhood are enhanced by a healthy child. Ensure your child is fully immunized according to the requirements of your local Health Ministry. Provide your child with a healthy, balanced diet, and be sure to supplement his diet with age-appropriate vitamins.