8 minute read
TOTALLY TERRI KARELLE
Photography: Dwayne Watkins for TeamDWP Story: Michelle Gordon Styling: BrandED by Norma Williams Hair Stylist - Zelpha “Aunty D” Peynado Makeup: O'neil Baugh
When your relationship with your child inspires an invitation to speak at one the world’s most recognized motivational presenter platforms, you can probably deduce that you’re doing something right.
“I magine a world where we encourage children to have a healthy understanding of and relationship with their own bodies, rather than treat them like taboos. Imagine a world where we taught our children to exercise empathy, to value not only their emotions, but the feelings, perspectives, realities and needs of others. Imagine a world where we teach our children to create boundaries, respect other people’s boundaries, and exercise their right to say no without guilt or fear.”
9-year-old NaimaKourtnae sat in the audience at the October 2021 staging of TedX Talks in Birmingham, England, and watched her mother deliver a speech that called parents to action. In 20 short minutes, Terri-Karelle told the world that a total commitment to a new way of communicating with the next generation, is what we need to transform parenting and ultimately, the dynamics of relationships all around us.
The chip doesn’t fall far from the proverbial block, and Nai-K as she is affectionately known, is a testament to that old adage. “My Mummy is the first
Jamaican female in history to do a TedX
Talk in Birmingham, UK. I am really proud . of her. She has done her best. When I saw her on stage, I felt like anything she could accomplish, anybody else could accomplish as well. I hope that someday she’ll be able to do it again and I can be onstage with her.”
To say that they are one of Jamaica’s favourite mother-daughter duos is an understatement, with a relationship that remains unfiltered, honest and perfectly imperfect.
When Terri-Karelle stood on the world stage at TedX, it was no different than any other day when she stands before her virtual audience allowing several hundred thousand people into her life each day. Her messages remain a challenge to parents everywhere to unlearn the habits of generations past, that were steeped in biases of gender, race, status and circumstance.
When Terri-Karelle opened the proverbial lens of her life more than 6 years ago, she knew that sharing her journey would certainly influence her daughter, but she probably didn’t know that she would impact her entire nation.
“As parents, we have a choice. We can either perpetuate cycles that can potentially harm generations, or we can choose to have healthy, holistic conversations that serve as valuable insight to empower our children.” Terri-Karelle began having what many would term as ‘uncomfortable’ conversations with her daughter when
Nai-K was only 3-years-old. The quickwitted young lady giggles with authentic childlike innocence when she recalls one of her favourite parts of seeing her mom
on the TedX stage. Their conversation about tampon vs. ‘tampin’ had gone viral on social media - like many others that they’ve had, but to little Naima-Kourtnae, these are normal moments with her Mummy where no question is wrong and no answers are withheld.
“Creating a safe space for your child to share her most intimate feelings where she can ask any and everything, with the promise that you will be open and honest, regardless of how weird the topic might be… no judgement, no shame.” While some parents often struggle with drawing and maintaining the line between friendship and parenting with their child(ren), Terri-Karelle de-complicates the process with simple and open communication. “Though you are the adult and have more experience than them in some things, you have to allow yourself to learn from them, even as they learn from you.”
But this is not where it started.
Terri-Karelle’s pregnancy was not the amazing experience purported by so many new expecting mothers. She recounts that for the first few months, while doing the necessary doctors’ visits, she grappled and processed the task ahead. “I was devastated. I was not ready – mentally, emotionally, psychologically. I had just signed on for Digicel Rising Stars and wondered what the process (of pregnancy) was going to be like for me. The idea of raising a child seemed daunting and I wasn’t sure I was prepared.” It wasn’t until her third trimester where she felt more comfortable with the idea and decided to parent her way.
Like Terri, the prospect of parenting can be a daunting task for many. The idea of not only bringing life into this world, but raising a well-rounded, grounded, kind, independent, caring little person can seem like a mammoth challenge, especially if you are self-aware and cognizant of your own imperfections. Pregnancy and parenting bring with it daily questions of how, what, and why - and often those are just the conversations with yourself. The generally joyous decision to become a parent can sometimes be filled with fear and anxiety, as parents traverse the seemingly unknown. . This was going to be a life changing decision, for which she recognizes no one is ever fully ready. To tap into her own potential as a parent, Terri- Karelle would have to be the parent that Naima-Kourtnae needed her to be, which meant unlearning already ingrained conditioning, and relearning the woman she had become.
Realizing early that she had an incredible responsibility ahead of her, she decided to parent her own way - naturally and totally
Terri-Karelle - infused with her version of crazy, off-the-wall impulsiveness and a deep and authentic passion.
Ultimately, there is no ‘o cial’ manual to guide everyday decisions and experiences that come with parenting a child. Terri-
Karelle believes that persons should parent intentionally, by underscoring the values they believe are important in navigating the world we live in today. “I am raising my daughter in Jamaica, in the Caribbean, for the world,” which for Terri-Karelle means that her foundation must include a broader vision for what her tomorrow will be. “Raising a global child means he or she must be multi-faceted. As parents, we should be raising children who are empathetic and compassionate thought leaders … not only academics.”
Nine years a parent, Terri-Karelle shares that her parenting style focuses on discovering and nurturing, Naima-
Kourtnae’s talents, as opposed to general societal skills that focus on academics or sports. Life gets busy, particularly as children get older and their lives become
consumed with their own activities and experiences. Looking for ways to remain connected with your children, finding opportunities to have one-on-one time with them, seeking times each day to laugh, play and talk even if it is just for a few minutes, is part of the parenting technique Terri-Karelle has used and mastered in curating her relationship with Naima-Kourtnae.
One of the best ways to demonstrate love to a child is to simply pay attention and listen to them. As simple as this may seem, the concept requires deliberate use of our time as parents, to be intentional in giving our attention and quieting distractions, creating a safe space for our child(ren) to be open. It also requires consistency in connecting with our child(ren). Intentionality in parenting creates opportunities for parents to be present with our children at the stage and place they are on their developmental journey.
It was Oprah Winfrey who once said “I believe the choice to become a mother is the choice to become one of the greatest spiritual teachers there is.” For Terri-Karelle, it’s a choice that comes with tremendous responsibility and equally tremendous rewards. Some things you take from others, some you take from the experience. And Terri-Karelle is taking notes every chance she gets and in return she is writing a legacy of her own from which others can learn, grow and empower their own children. Nai-K chimes in again with a reminder. “My Mummy is the most excellent woman in the entire world to me. She is my favourite person. I’m a little jealous of how successful she is and I hope that I can be the second version of her when I grow up.”
“Our children’s development and world view rely largely on us as parents. The conversations that we have with them and the examples that we set will be their foundation, whether we like it or not. We are their anchors and their points of reference.” Terri-Karelle believes it, preaches it and lives it. Totally.
