Having the confidence to stand up to intimidation

Dionne Smith

Workplace intimidation is unfortunately commonplace and something we are all likely to have experienced at some point in our career. Learning how to stand up for yourself is essential if you are to grow as an individual.

It took a long time for me to learn how to stand up for myself and express my thoughts and feelings to someone who I saw as being ‘superior’ to me because of their status or title. I really don’t like confrontation and, in the past, have reacted like a deer in the headlights when caught in those situations. It was almost as though someone had reached inside my throat and pulled out my vocal cords, only to replace them sometime later when I said to myself ‘why didn’t I stand-up to them? I wish I had said XYZ. Why did I allow them to make me feel so stupid and take away my dignity and power?’

My pit moment!

I remember a time when I was working for a new boss who was obviously determined to make her mark on the business and within the team. I didn’t have a great feeling about her when we met but me being me, I smiled and did my best to continue to work hard and fulfil the expectations required of me.

Having successfully run the UK department single handedly for a year and a half I didn’t feel that I needed to be micromanaged, but that was her style so I tried to go with it…until it started to get to the point of unnecessary nit-picking over absolutely everything.

She had her way of doing things and I had mine. Essentially as long as we came to the desired goal or result, I couldn’t understand why she had such an issue with the way I was working when nobody else ever had.

Regardless, I kept doing my best to meet her expectations, but she would just move the goalposts. Being constantly told my work wasn’t good enough I knew there was no way I would be given opportunities to progress. I felt my confidence ebbing away because I didn’t know how to deal with a boss so intent on making me feel worthless.

When it got to the point of being publicly undermined in the middle of the office, I knew things had to change. I knew I had to take back control or she would continue to make my life hell.

I told her point blank that if she wanted to speak to me then we needed to go into meeting room! I was not having the conversation with her right there and then in front of everyone.

What happened next restored my pride and a little bit of my confidence.

The turning point

When we got into that room it took all of my resilience to hold my emotions in check! I sat quietly allowing her to rant about the fact that she wasn’t happy with my work, how I wasn’t doing things the way she expected me to and then the straw that broke the camel’s back was her comment that she could have me sacked immediately.

I knew I hadn’t done anything that would result in an immediate dismissal and I knew this was also more about her own insecurities and personal dislike of me than my work.

My response was to let her know that her expectations weren’t clear and that I didn’t need to be micromanaged. I also reminded her that I’d been running the department for a long time before she arrived with no issues.

I told her that I had worked there long enough to know the rules for being sacked and she hadn’t followed any of them. I wasn’t going anywhere, so she needed to stop threatening me.

I then quite calmly but sternly told her never to speak to me like that again. If she wanted to have a conversation like that then be professional about it and book a room!

I walked out of the room with my head held high vowing never to allow someone to make me feel that way again.

The result

A trip to HR for both of us and an attempt to reconcile our differences!

She eventually left and was replaced by a manager who was an inspiring leader. I gained my confidence so much to the point I was promoted three times in the space of 18 months!

It takes a huge amount of courage and confidence to stand up to someone you feel intimidated by because of their position or nature. I learnt that it’s okay to call someone out for their behaviour regardless of who they are. Fear wouldn’t define me.

Having the strength to find your voice and stand up to intimidation means you control your value and self-worth. When you confidently and rationally confront those situations, you take back the power and put the focus on their behaviour.

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