you & me, bess (or, I think I’m in love)
The afternoon in the library when you first talked to me, I felt like I’d been hit by a bolt of lightning. It was as if I was finally awake. Never before had I seen such kindness and genuine passion in someone’s eyes before. I’d get dizzy listening to your grand plans and big ideas while I looked at your shoulders, your lips, your eyelashes
May 25, 2013 I am not sure if I am in love with him or it it’s just a crush, but I do want to tell him things and I want to figure him out and know his world. It is not so much the bloom of warmth and infatuation this time. This time it’s more like electricity, and this strange whirling happening in my head. I can feel multiple switches clicking away in my mind when we speak. I care not being around him per se, but I do realize I care a lot about how he perceives me and whether I can add anything to his life. There is a subtle fire about him that I so want to be a part of. I’m not aching. I am just in this perpetual state of thrill. June 1, 2013 Happiness is when he tells you how he feels. Happiness is an invitation. Happiness is the comfort in companionable silence. It is the ache from laughing so hard. Happiness is being free of doubt.
Bodies and Bellies and Blankets and Breakfast and Balance and Bliss
I hurt myself once in your car. You parked around the corner of your house and gently held my hands without a word. You kissed the surrounding skin and kissed my tears away. You licked my wounds. Then you brought me into your arms and held me while I kept crying as my heart hummed with love. Whatever anger I had misdirected at you evaporated completely.
The first time I cried in front of you was because I was late to your show. I rushed in just as you were playing the last song of your set. It was like nothing I’d ever heard before. I’d never listened to anything to dense and immersive. It was so detailed and nuanced. Your music guides your listeners through a story told in sounds. I am immersed in you.
You are my best friend. There is a special energy around you, and between us. I have never trusted someone so, so wholeheartedly.
I had no idea it was even possible for me to love someone as much as I love you