THE ZERO-DRAMA GUIDE TO BRIDESMAIDS

Enchanted Brides Photography

Gathering your squad, sharing in all the excitement together and knowing they’ll be by your side – literally and figuratively – come W-day, is a wonderful part of wedding planning. To make the most of this special chapter, we’ve enlisted some expert advice to help you select your bridal party while avoiding any potential pitfalls to keep your bridesmaids – and yourself – happy from the get-go.

CHOOSE WISELY

For those brides who are just starting to think about who to have as bridesmaids, consider personalities and life situations. Some of your closest friends, while being a hugely important part of your life, might be more comfortable out of the spotlight, supporting you in a different way. Be prepared to ask them honestly whether they’d like to be a bridesmaid and be aware that the answer isn’t necessarily going to be yes. common to see ‘bridesmen’ in the bridal party these days whether that’s a brother, close friend, or any other male you’d love to include.

“Consider who would make a good bridesmaid/ bridesman in supporting you with your dress fittings, the hen do and getting ready on the day,” says Jessica Kearney from Ardour & Bow Weddings & Events (ardourandbow.co.uk). “For your maid/man of honour, you want someone organised and unflappable, so bear this in mind when choosing. It’s always nice to include family members, but ultimately the choice should always be entirely yours.”

CONSIDER THE DYNAMICS

It’s also important to consider how your bridal party will get on with each other. It can be tempting to pick one close friend from each friendship group (for example, a school friend, a sister, a uni mate), but this will result in a group who don’t necessarily know each other. There’s nothing wrong with this – however, it can be a lot easier for the bridesmaids to team up to take on tasks – such as organising the hen do – so if you have people who already know and like each other, it can minimise any potential awkwardness.

“I have close friends from different groups and really wanted to see them all ‘represented’ in my bridal party,” says Amelia. “However, it started to get a bit awkward with how to narrow them down – and this was before I’d even decided who to ask, so I could predict that awkwardness would definitely spill over! I decided in the end to ask my two sisters to be my ‘on-the-day’ bridesmaids, my friends from university who I’m still close with to help me organise my hen do, and my school friends to do a reading at the ceremony. This kept all the roles clear and meant there weren’t too many people trying to do things they weren’t comfortable with.”

WHO AND HOW MANY?

Don’t be put off by whether someone has been a bridesmaid before. The important bit is what they mean to you, and how you can support each other in

On a quest for bridesmaid bliss? Here’s how to choose your tribe, minimise tension and maximise this cherished time with your dearest pals

words Lucy Higgins

the lead-up and on your wedding day. You will create such special memories together, whether it’s their first time in the role or not.

“I’ve been a bridesmaid nine times, and each wedding has been so special to me. My relationship with each bride or groom is entirely unique, and means an awful lot to me, so there’s never a sense of ‘here we go again’ or any fatigue about being a bridesmaid,” says Daisy. “It’s genuinely the loveliest honour, and such a privilege to be asked. Plus, it means I’m pretty good at organising hen dos now!”

So, what’s a good number of bridesmaids to have? “There is no specific rule about how many you should have. You could have one, or a whole handful,” says Jessica. “Just be mindful that having more bridesmaids could be costly if you are paying for their dresses, hair and make-up. Also, it helps to try to balance out the wedding party, so give some consideration to how many your partner is having.”

Once you’ve made your decision, you have the lovely task of ‘popping the question’ to your bridesmaids. “This could be something personal to you and your friend. It might be inviting them to a lovely afternoon tea or you could surprise them with a curated giftbox with their favourite things as you pop the question,” says Jessica. “Wherever possible, I always recommend asking them in person, as it’s such an important role and a big question to ask.” Remember they may have questions to ask or things to talk through rather than just a big excited ‘yes!’ so planning some time together means this can happen more naturally. Once you have your squad locked in, think about setting up a bridesmaid WhatsApp group so everyone can get excited together and send tips and suggestions.

TROUBLE IN PARADISE

We won’t pretend it will always be sunshine and rainbows (although often it will be!), so it’s best to be prepared for some of the issues we’ve seen crop up when it comes to bridesmaids, from financial and practical to emotional.

“Often bridesmaids’ dresses can be a contentious issue. It really helps to explain your decision-making process, so that they feel involved, and understand any budgetary constraints or particular colour choices,” says Jessica. “You might have a particular style of dress in mind, but it won’t look the same on every one of them, as they will likely have different body shapes.”

Luckily, the days of bridesmaids all wearing the same ill-fitting shiny number have long gone and there are so many options – from mismatched to tailor-made – to ensure your squad all feel comfortable and confident walking down the aisle. Decide in advance whether you will or will not be paying for your bridesmaids’ dresses, or whether you’ll make a contribution, which can be a good middle ground.

“I let my three bridesmaids know I had budgeted £100 for each of their dresses, and that if they found something they loved over that amount, they’d need to cover that cost,” says Poppy. “They all wore different

dresses (in the same shade), and one came to £150. She paid the extra £50, which she was happy to do as she loved the dress and had known about the cost beforehand.” Being upfront about finances usually avoids any awkwardness down the line.

You’ll also need to minimise the potential for disagreements between your bridesmaids. “If your bridal party aren’t already friends, hold an informal gathering ahead of the wedding to help break the ice between everyone, and reinforce the team feeling, so everyone pulls together on the day,” suggests Jessica. “Teamwork is essential to make sure everything runs smoothly, so those fun, informal gatherings beforehand really will help to bond everyone together for the big day.”

TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK

“Spread the roles out evenly, so everyone feels equally involved,” advises Jessica. This also means that one person won’t be overloaded, and they can all help and back each other up with duties, decisionmaking, and getting a spread of opinions. If there’s a chance your bridal party might disagree, have a nominated ‘voice of reason’ for them to go to, so they’re not all turning to you if they need a rant!

This is even more important if you’re asking them to plan your hen do and not giving too much guidance on what you’d like to do. “Sometimes, one bridesmaid who knows the bride from childhood has one very specific idea, but another bridesmaid, who perhaps has known her through her wild partying days, has another,” says Daisy. “Sharing out the roles and responsibilities means it doesn’t all fall to one person, which can not only start to feel like a burden, but also runs the risk of it being a very one-sided hen do, instead of something with broader appeal.”

SPREAD THE JOY

As the bride, you love and appreciate your bridesmaids, and will want to make the whole experience a positive one for them, so Jessica has some ideas to help make them feel special. “Ensure the bridal party are looked after on the morning of the wedding. You will likely be busy with hair and make-up so ensure some pastries or light bites are organised in advance, along with coffee and refreshments so you avoid anyone getting hangry!” she says. “Make sure you’ve prepared a getting-ready playlist and, of course, a bottle of bubbly to really set a great atmosphere.”

Think about gifting your bridesmaids something special on the day too. “It might be hair and make-up services, or a beautiful bracelet to bond you all with this lovely moment,” suggests Jessica. It doesn’t have to be something expensive – a thoughtfully written handmade card can be just as special to let your bridesmaids know what they mean to you.

ALL IN THIS TOGETHER

Finally, heed Jessica’s advice. “Remember that as a bride, your life may be revolving around your wedding, but your bridesmaids may lead very busy lives so be mindful of that when asking for help or allocating tasks.” They will be delighted to be involved but it’s important to check in with them too and see how they’re doing!

“There are few things more special than being a bridesmaid,” says Daisy. “From being asked to having a role in the planning and on the day itself, each wedding I’ve been to as part of the bridal party will be with me forever. My tip for other bridesmaids is to remember that it’s the bride’s day, and that you love them and want the best for them! There might well be stressful elements, things you would do differently, and moments of pressure or anxiety, but at the end of the day, just smile, be there for your friend and soak up the experience.”

Lyra & Moth

HELPING HAND

What sort of duties can you ask or expect of your bridesmaids? Every bride will be different, and you’ll have your own approach in how you would like to be supported, so have a clear conversation concerning how you would like your bridesmaids to assist you throughout the day. Some of the main duties, both before the wedding and on the day itself, are listed below but, as always, communication is key to ensure everyone understands the expectations.

Beforehand

• Provide calm, unwavering support to the bride • Organise hen do • Shop for bridesmaids’ dresses • Help make decisions in terms of wedding dress and key wedding suppliers • Help with preparations in the days leading up to the wedding • Attend any rehearsals or appointments

On the day

• Be the on-the-day contact so the bride isn’t receiving phone calls or questions • Ensure bride eats breakfast • Hold a copy of the day plan • Keep bride topped up with water (not just champagne!) • Help bride get in and out of the dress or change into an evening outfit • Ensure bride has an emergency supplies kit stored somewhere in the venue • Hold her dress up as she is walking • Hold flowers during ceremony • Get the party started – when the DJ or band start playing that music, get the atmosphere going by hitting the dance floor first

Afterwards

• Help with any clean-up required the next day • Return hire items • Keep the memories alive!