CEREMONIALLY SPEAKING

From civil ceremonies and celebratory ceremonies to pagan handfastings, wed looks at the many ways you can formalise and celebrate your union

words Hannah May & Nicola Le Couteur Bisson, Guild of Cornish Celebrants

However and whenever you’re thinking of getting married, there’s a host of ways to do it to suit your vision. Whether you’re living by the rule book or wanting to write your own, couples can design a day to reflect their love story and stage something reflective of the times by picking a mode to match, from the multitude of ways to say (or not say!) ‘I do’ that are also oh-so ‘you’.

Legally speaking…

First off, don’t forget the legal requirements of entering matrimony. To get married or form a civil partnership in England and Wales (with differing rules for Scotland and Northern Ireland), from 27th February 2023 you must both be 18 years of age, not closely related nor already married or in a civil partnership. Two witnesses must be present at the wedding.

Documents required include proof of name, age, any name changes, nationality and address. Additional paperwork such as details of where and when you intend to marry must also be submitted – alongside (if applicable) a decree absolute or final order, entry visa and death certificate of your formal partner. Non-UK nationals will need to check any visa requirements, and allow additional time for the notice to be processed.

A notice period of at least 29 days must be given by signing a legal statement to say you intend to get married or form a civil partnership at your local register office (the district of which you must have lived in for at least seven days), and the ceremony must be completed within 12 months of submitting this notice.

Civil Marriage

This is a non-religious legally binding marriage ceremony performed by two local authority officials called a superintendent registrar and a registrar, at a register office, registration office or venue approved by the local council. It can feature readings, music and songs, by prior agreement, but cannot include any religious or spiritual content. Two witnesses must be present.

Civil Partnership

A civil partnership legally recognises the relationship between two people and, though isn’t defined as a marriage, does involve similar responsibilities and rights such as tax benefits, inheritance and pensions. It takes place in front of a registrar and doesn’t involve a ceremony or the exchanging of vows (though both can be requested), but simply the signing of the civil partnership document in front of two witnesses. Civil partnerships are open to both same-sex and opposite-sex couples, and they are referred to as civil partners, rather than husband and wife.

Civil Partnership Conversion

Same-sex (but not opposite-sex) couples can convert a civil partnership into a marriage in England or Wales by attending an appointment at a register office to sign a ‘conversion into marriage’ declaration in front of a superintendent registrar, who must also sign the declaration (which you can also say to each other). A marriage certificate is then issued, dated with the date of the original civil partnership. Should you choose to follow the conversion with a ceremony (with or without guests), you can do so at a register office, approved premises or religious building where same-sex marriages are allowed.

Religious Ceremony

A religious marriage ceremony can take place at any Church of England church or registered religious building and must be presided over by a vicar or authorised person, such as a minister, who will need to ensure the marriage document is correctly produced, signed and posted to the local registration service for the marriage to be registered. The ceremony must take the form of the rites and ceremonies of the Religious denomination in which you are marrying and will include some form of prescribed vows. Same-sex couples can get married in a religious building if it has been registered for them to do so.

Sequel Wedding

Sequel weddings are a two-part event whereby couples have a small ceremony or intimate wedding followed by a larger second ceremony or celebration at a later date (only one can be legally recognised). This can take the form of an elopement, virtual or micro wedding followed by a grand-scale sequel the following year.

Celebratory Ceremony

This is a way for couples to celebrate their marriage with friends and family when and wherever they want. It is free of any legal restraints and can be conducted by a professional celebrant or a friend. Your status won’t alter since the service isn’t legally binding, but it does give total freedom and flexibility with regards to venue and content, and can include traditional elements such as vow and ring exchanges and readings, or anything else you personally desire, from promises to rituals such as handfasting, a sand ceremony or a ring warming. Most couples will have a simple legal ceremony either just before or after the celebratory ceremony. Professional celebrants work with the couple to personalise the ceremony in its entirety and spend time meeting with and getting to know the couple. The celebrant will then write and conduct a ceremony which is completely unique and tailored to the couple and reflects their wishes. There are two types of professional celebrant: independent celebrants and humanists. A humanist celebrant is a member of Humanists UK and follows their philosophy and will not usually allow any religious or spiritual references in their ceremonies. An independent celebrant is led by the wishes of the couple in the ceremony content and will include religious or spiritual references and work with couples of any or differing faiths or non, to create a ceremony which is meaningful for all, they will also work with faith leaders.

Pagan Handfasting

The ancient pagan-inspired marriage ritual is usually performed by an independent celebrant or fellow pagan and involves a couple’s hands being bound with ribbon or cord to signify their union. Handfasting is not legally recognised on its own as a form of marriage. Holding hands so that the pulse points or wrists are touching, the ribbons or cords are looped around the couples’ joined hands whilst they say their vows and promises. The colours of the ribbons or cords can be accorded meanings and are chosen specifically by the couple. Family members or guests can be included in the ceremony by coming forward to place the ribbon or cord over the couples hands. Further layers of meaning can be added by invoking the blessings of the cardinal points and elements if wished.

Vow Renewal

However you originally married, renewing your vows is a way to celebrate your marriage and relationship. Couples can choose to periodically renew their vows every decade (or even annually!), at milestone anniversaries, after having children (who they can ask to host the reaffirmation), or to reinforce their love and commitment during turbulent times. It can occur anywhere from your home to a poignant outside space or building or a traditional house of worship - and, not being legal, can be led by a friend or a celebrant.