Bill & Ted 3 treatment

Bill & Ted’s Most Bodacious Return Story by Brent L. Smith “If you guys were separated it would have been disastrous for life as we know it. You see, eventually your music will help put an end to war and poverty. It will align the planets and bring them into universal harmony. Allowing meaningful contact with all forms of life…” – Rufus

Dude… BILL & TED’S MOST BODACIOUS RETURN is the perfect capstone to a most triumphant trilogy. It makes tangible the underrated legacy of Bill & Ted, revealing the simple men behind their epic myth that, as we know, eventually serves as a template for a utopic society 700 years in the future. It will return to what was touched upon in Excellent Adventure, as well as reveal that Bogus Journey was the perfect bridge between beginning and end. One may ask, “But the sequel ended on such a high note. Where could they possibly go from here?” The answer to that, as I’ve discovered, is far vaster than I could’ve imagined.

The Look A Bill & Ted story in 2016 (25 years since Bogus Journey) must be a story of its time. Just as Excellent Adventure was a testament to the late 80s, and just as Bogus Journey was reflective of the neon-glazed era of the early 90s, so must Bodacious Return be a tribute of the here and now.

There is an advantage here. The generation gap between 1991 and 2016 lies primarily in social aspects: this is no doubt an epoch of polarized music, polarized politics (fine, that one’s a constant), the recent garage rock wave, headline-making gender benders, and monster 3D movies that devour their audiences. Aesthetically speaking, though, it’s as if no time has passed at all. Kids are once again rocking plaid, torn denim, Ray Bans and (not-so-ironic) punk rock hair. The world wants B&T now more than ever.

Firstly, this is a project you could totally do in 3D. Nothing pornographic, but a subtle depth that would simultaneously bring B&T into our world while getting sucked back into theirs. Secondly, going all-CGI would be a heinous attempt. Bogus Journey pushed the boundaries for its time in terms of special effects, much of which was done in-camera. The set design, makeup, animatronics, puppeteering, and model-making are mind-blowing to say the least, making the film arguably one of the most ambitious comedy sequels ever made. And all this with a budget of $20mil (less than $40mil in today’s money). Not that the digital doesn’t have its place when the practical falls short. A seamless blend of CGI and practical would breathe life into the three dimensions while staying true to the first two installments. This is a film that has to be at-once recognizable and completely novel.

The Soundtrack For some excellent tunes look no further than Ty Segall and his band of cronies, including Mikal Cronin, to provide an authentic rock sound. Not to mention Jack White and anyone else who would like to join in the fun. The soundtrack to Guardians of the Galaxy just went gold, so it’s a good opportunity to be part of a new soundtrack revival (and maybe to fill the empty profit void left by the death of DVD sales). The first two soundtracks were triumphant in their own right, and this one would definitely have to live up to the legacy.

The Story It’s hard to imagine Bill & Ted ever being apart, right? Chaos would ensue. Civilizations would crumble. Human suffering would be most unprecedented. Well, that’s exactly what’s been happening in the last 25 years. B&T have been apart, estranged, and so convinced of and consumed with their own fame and success that they needn’t lean on each other any longer.

After their #1 worldwide hit “God Gave Rock N Roll to You” things kind of went downhill from there. Indeed, the world united during that legendary global broadcast of their Battle of the Bands performance and celebrated in the defeat of futuristic dictator De Nomolos. But, like every other flash-in-the-pan, t-shirt-of-the-week phenomenon, Wyld Stallyns slowly faded into the backdrop of pop culture. Their message that they thought would change the world became nothing more than a one-hit wonder.

Meanwhile, B&T became moguls in the green/renewable energy industries, entering the new millennium as investment pioneers in longer-lasting light bulbs, wind-solar tech, and Tesla cars.

Though their intentions were pure, and profit margins soared, they fell out of touch with the people. “Dude, this wasn’t the path Rufus talked about,” Ted would say. “Well, maybe this is a new path, dude,” Bill would respond. “Something that could do more good than our music ever could…”

The fact of the matter was that their music floundered. Ted (the heart) took it harder. His celebrity philanthropy and prestige turned into celebrity rehab and notoriety. He’s a depressed, burnout “rock star” with the cynical idealism of what-was, and what-could-have-been. Bill (the brains) kept the energy company afloat on his own, consumed by his obligation to provide the world with environmental-friendly commodities. The opening credit sequences for recent comedies like Ted and Get Him to the Greek are good examples of how to immerse B&T into our culture, catching us up with the last 25 years via that ‘reality’ media feel.

Their relationships have suffered as well. Each of them is separated from their wives, the princesses, Elizabeth and Joanna. Each of them is distant from their respective daughters, Little Bill and Little Ted. Their personal lives are microcosms for the degeneration and disconnection of the world at large.

To mark the 25th anniversary of Wyld Stallyns’ legendary Battle of the Bands broadcast, the mayor of San Dimas is erecting a statue in honor of B&T (the exact same one we see in the beginning of Bogus Journey!) The city’s also remodeling the convention center and urging Wyld Stallyns for a reunion show. After some reluctance, B&T each relent, returning to San Dimas, and seeing each other for the first time in a lifetime (not to mention their respective fathers and maybe even Missy). They find San Dimas to be a different world from what they remember.

Rock is “dead.” Phone booths are forgotten relics. Kids are all into EDM wearing earbuds and out of touch with each other.

B&T receive a visit from, not Rufus, but Rufus’ apprentice. Let’s call him Otis (Dave Chappell).

Otis shows up in a futuristic phone booth. At first, they’re confused with who he is. “Where’s Rufus?” they ask. Otis then presents them with a prerecorded message from Rufus (Carlin’s voice!) In it, Rufus explains how he always knew his mission would carry on beyond his own lifetime. Otis has been under Rufus’ tutelage, and when Rufus passed away, it was agreed upon that Otis would intervene when necessary. In other words, B&T realize that Rufus has died. The

message goes on to explain that their Battle of the Bands moment 25 years ago was not “the moment,” like they thought it was; merely a stepping stone on the path to their true potential.

Now that they’re together again, they must pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong in order to stop an imminent disaster that will destroy their legacy, their future, and ultimately the future of the human race.

Otis has come because this is, obviously, another crucial point in history. “What’s the disaster?

What’s supposed to happen?” they ask Otis. He’s not sure. “Our vision of our past, your present, is obscured,” Otis explains. “Something that’s never happened before. One theory is nuclear war.

All we know for sure is that our present is being altered for the worst, and we don’t know why.

Soon, it’ll be too late…” Otis leaves them a phone booth at their disposal. “All I can tell you is to use the circuits of time to figure out what went wrong in the last 25 years. You’re on your own from here on out, gentlemen. I’ll be in touch…hopefully. Peace, baby.” (**Story-wise, this will be an advantage because the time machine can be used to go back and fill in the holes/missing time since Bogus Journey. The audience will be able to see what kind of relationship they developed with their kids, how their marriages to the princesses went sour, and so forth).

Understandably, Bill & Ted are now at a loss, and feel completely hopeless…

Until they are visited by a humanoid extraterrestrial.

Let’s call her Izar (Sophie Turner/Mia Wasikowska/Saoirse Ronan). A humorously dry alien being who warns them about their race’s impending doom. Izar has used their same time travel technology covertly to ensure the meeting of their two species. They’ll develop a rapport much like in Star Trek: First Contact, which, of course, will be referenced earlier in the film…and a fun little nod to the Capt. Kirk at Vasquez Rocks reference in Bogus Journey! (If you recall, Star Trek: First Contact was centered around humanity’s first encounter with alien life after Zefram Cochrane’s historic warp drive.)

“What do you mean our ‘impending doom’?” B&T ask Izar. “What’s going on?!” She explains that, historically speaking, they are the first two humans to ever encounter an alien (other than Station, but the public simply dismissed it as part of the Wyld Stallyns act). It is this historic meeting that brings humanity together for the first time and forever revolutionizes Earth’s energy platforms. Simultaneously, B&T offer our new celestial neighbors the unifying power of humanity’s music. It becomes a symbiotic relationship that thrives throughout the galaxy, ushering us into a golden era that reveres B&T as the bringers of peace, harmony, and good will.

“That sounds pretty excellent to us!” they tell Izar. “So, what’s the problem…?”

It turns out that ever since B&T’s worldwide broadcast defeat of De Nomolos, dark forces within the military-industrial complex have attained and developed the same time travel technology.

Now, General Oates (formerly Colonel Oates), who always had it out for B&T, is spearheading a covert operation to intervene in the historic alien encounter and turn it into a catalyst for intergalactic conflict—thus launching the human race into space militarily instead of peacefully.

Not only that, but he aims to bury Ted’s energy company, and put an end to the idea of B&T altogether. “Most non, NON-heinous, dude! We’ve gotta stop Oates before it’s too late!”

They find that they can’t do this alone. Not only do they now need each other, but they definitely need the princesses, not to mention little Ted and little Bill. They realize that Otis’ advice was dead-on: that they have to use the time machine to figure out how to right the wrongs that

occurred in the past, bringing everyone together again. This all leads up to a climax that includes the combined efforts of Bill, Ted, the princesses, Little Bill, Little Ted, Otis, Izar, and other friends (like Station, Death, Billy the Kid etc.) who have to come together in order to stop General Oates (who, surprise, is in cahoots with De Nomolos!!!)

Last Thoughts No doubt there’s a lot of possibilities for the 2nd and 3rd acts. In addition to time travel conundrums like the Grandfather Paradox. Is the interaction with Izar, in fact, the actual historic meeting between Bill & Ted and an alien race? And perhaps by the end, they realize they didn’t have to go back into the past at all, that all they had to do was be there for each other “here and now,” in the present. At the same time, they did have to go back to the past in order to return to the present, etc. and so forth.

In any case, if I’m correct, there’s already a script, and if I’m also correct, getting funding is the challenge. I’m not sure what factors are going into this challenge, I only know from what I can dig up online, but if any of it has to do with story, this treatment offers some astute ideas and alternatives. At the end of the day, though, I have all the faith in the world in this team of creators—you guys conceived the first, and then nailed the sequel, furthering the mythos. This is just a voice from the other end of the generational spectrum, musings from a guy about as old as Bill and Ted’s kids are now. It may very be that the script is already finalized and the story is solid. Even if that’s the case, I still wouldn’t consider this pseudo-treatment of mine a huge waste of time. No way. Writing this thing reminded me how much I love your story of Bill & Ted. I am your audience. And this playful saga means a lot to me. Me and a whole lot of other people.