COM
MMON
COMMON a design exploration by jodi brewer
seniors
millennials COMMON We all have an innate desire to be understood. Language, art, music all communicate pieces of ourselves we want to share with the world. And further than that there is the continual nature of people to seek out that one person with whom to share their entire life. So within my these pages, I want to explore the idea of partnership. And to begin exploring this I thought it best to go straight to the source. To get real stories from real people. initially I wanted to focus on seniors, to get their take on love and partnership having wisdom from experience. But after discussion on the topic, my scope broadened to include another generation to get opinions and stories from. My generation. Millennials. To put our thoughts and stories side by side with the older generation. to explore what has changed with the generations and what holds true when it comes to a partnership
7
Jansen Smith
26 YRS OLD
Taylor Martin
21 YRS OLD
together for
2 YRS
love rocks on the
as told by taylor I sat down next to Jansen in Petrology lab on January 15th 2013. He kinda dosed off sometimes...I thought he might need help studying for a test or two. We met up in the evenings surrounded by a treasure trove of basalts and rhyolites and monzodiorites. All fun and mineral percentages at first but our conversations eventually trailed off into conversations about music and movies and childhood. This is how we met. I encouraged Jansen to go on the 4 day long Petro camping trip our geology prof would be leading in New Mexico. I took care to mention there would be no need for him to bring his own tent, it would be more courteous to the other campers if we put my two person tent to use! ;) It’s cold in the New Mexican desert in mid-April. Like 16 degrees F cold. The story tells itself at this point really. We left Amarillo as study buddies and came back to Amarillo in love.
Jansen and I will be celebrating two wonderful years together at a fancy restaurant this coming April 19th. We’ve lived together since August. Moving in together was an initially a scary thought for both of us but we agreed it was necessary to see if we could live with each - especially if we wanted to get married eventually. Jansen had lived at his parents for
offered a job as an air quality technician!!!!!
25 years and I felt anxious, wondering what
Tomorrow is his last day AT THE DUMBEST
it would be like to live with him if his mother
DIAGNOSTIC LAB IN THE WOOORLD. Things
wasn’t there to do his dishes and so on. But
are looking UP UP UPPP. After a year and 9
he’s taken on a lot of responsibility that he
months of strife, his suffering has paid off. He
didn’t have living at home. There have been
is on top of the world now :)
bumps, but only few and they were in the Me being in school and working can make me
past (phew!)
terrifically stressed out - especially when finals We talk frequently about the future- getting
approach. I can be very moody, but Jansen
married and having kids and getting our PhDs
makes an extra effort to make me comfortable
and moving to a bigger city. It makes me happy
- whether it’s giving me a message or making
that we both can talk so openly about our
me food or buying me wine. Even though Jansen totally takes it like a man, I would count
fears, doubts, and desires regarding all of these subjects.
We help keep each other motivated to eat
this as a difficulty. Between sobbing and si-
well, work out, stay active.
lent treatments that I am capable of, I can be insufferable sometimes..
I think one of THE MOST important thing to remember is to never criticize. There’s always
Jansen graduated college a few months after
a better way to solve a problem than to blame
we began dating. The job hunt was fun at first,
I believe that two people are brought togeth-
your significant other. Blaming only makes the
but 6 months in and still no job offer brought
er because of circumstances. The longer two
other person defensive - they will deny your
Jansen to feel like he was worthless. This was
people are together, the more it may seem
accusation and likely feel resentment! No issue
so frustrating because I knew that he had so
that fate brought them together, that they
will be resolved!
much to offer - so much potential! It took him
were meant to find each other. I think this
a full year to land a job and even then it had
is an illusion. There is no denying that some
I’m a bit needy for attention at times and Jan-
nothing to do with his degree. We were so
people strike the jackpot when they meet one
sen is very observant about this. When I act
excited when he got this job - but our joy was
another, however.
sad or self conscious he just begins worship-
short lived. Jansen was verbally harassed by
ping me. It’s an instant mood changer.
his coworkers on a daily basis! The women he
Regarding texting... I feel like the convenience
was working with had in the past driven away
of talking to your SO at any time and any
I think doing small, cheesy things for one an-
a handful of lab techs and it seemed like they
place can possibly ruin the magic of revealing
other is definitely necessary too. It feels good
were determined to do the same to Jansen.
information or recapping your day when you
to find a surprise “I love you” in your glovebox;
Within the first few months Jansen had lost
are finally reunited after being separated for
to know that they went out of their way for
15 pounds and was feeling quite depressed.
12 hours. kinda sad.
what someone else may consider an insignifi-
This was the worst thing to love is being honest with each other. love is
cant surprise. To me it is so significant! see - Jansen is one of the happiest people
being sensitive and caring and considerate.
Being with Jansen has made me into a better
I’ve ever been around and he was acting very
love is trying to out do the other person’s
person than I was before knowing him. I want
unlike himself. BUUUUT just last week he was
generosity. love is telling your partner how
to be healthy not just for him but for me too!
able to put in his two weeks because he was
much you admire their tree trunk thighs.
9
No!
HE SURPRISED ME BECAUSE I HAD JUST MET HIM AND HE SAID
“ You’re going to be my wife ” AND I SAID I NEVER – I DIDN’T EVER WANT TO GET MARRIED
Pauline Calanche
91 YRS OLD
1941 22
58 YRS
married at age
married for (husband deceased)
first date fiancé love at first sight I was born in Ohio and raised in Texas, and my parents came from Spain…but they got married in the united states, they met in the united states…and then he divorced her…so we were left alone…so I don’t have much to say. I had two natural sisters, one was raised with me, the other one was raised by my father. and the little one and I went to the orphanage, catholic orphanage, and I…they closed the orphanage when I was thirteen so I had to be taken to my dad by the court…and that was a sad story, so I skip it. and I continue working for my sister, and working with her, because she was a little retarded, so I had to educate her instead of the schools because the schools didn’t put up with them at that time. So, she advanced, and so did I, by learning from her. Then I married, and I left her. That’s it.
11
love on the
san antonio river
I WAS BORN IN OHIO AND RAISED IN TEXAS
and my parents came from Spain…but they got
married in the united states, they met in the united states…and then he divorced her…so we were left alone…so I don’t have much to say. I had two natural sisters, one was raised with me, the other one was raised by my father. and the little one and I went to the orphanage, catholic orphanage, and I…they closed the orphanage when I was thirteen so I had to be taken to my dad by the court…and that was a sad story, so I skip it. and I continue working for my sister, and working with her, because she was a little retarded, so I had to educate her instead of the schools because the schools didn’t put up with them at that time. So, she advanced, and so did I, by learning from her. Then I married, and I left her. That’s it.
HE GAVE ME MY FIRST KISS ON the SAN ANTONIO RIVER. He surprised me, because I had just met him and
WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR AND SAID WELCOME, SENIORITA
he said ‘you’re going to be my wife’ and I said
I couldn’t say very much, and my father was there.
‘noooo’. I never – I didn’t ever want to get married,
He started a conversation but he couldn’t speak
because of the broken marriage of my parents.
spanish, I spoke spanish…and my father didn’t
WE WERE MARRIED FOR 58 YEARS AND I DIDN’T REALIZE
speak english, so his aunt came over and she did
didn’t realize how deep a injury he receive, and
take me to the airport to take his sister to the
they were shipped right away to the islands, to
nobody did…he had been in Iwojima, and down at
airport so she could go to austin. and I told my fa-
fighting. I said ‘thank god. he answered my prayer.’
the bottom of the hill, protecting the raising of the
ther ‘no, no’ like this with my hand…but my father
I didn’t want to get married. But he kept writing
flag, he got hit on his head…and nobody thought it
was listening to aunt Rosie and she said that he
and writing and writing…I had other boyfriends,
was anything serious, you know. years…and finally
wanted me to go with him and the chaperone was
I was a flirt. I had a good time having boyfriends,
he died of that injury. But he was a strong guy, big
going to be his cousin who was there visiting…so
and writing to the soldier, but I never expected to
marine, and handsome, very handsome, very nice.
i went, and I didn’t want to go because I had an-
marry him. When he got back he said ‘I’m home’
And in the end he lived up to his promise.
other boyfriend. And that’s how it started.
came right away and gave me the engagement
I was 22 when we got married. in 1941. He came
And then he said to his cousin ‘let’s go to the San
ring in no time at all. One month later we were
from a boat, he had been stationed in Hawaii and
Antonio river’ and he didn’t know, but she knew
married, because he got down on his hands and
they had that pearl attack so they were given
of the place and she said ‘oh yes, it’s so romantic!’
knees and he promised this and he promised that.
leave so he came to see me. That’s when I met
and I said to myself ‘oh god, what is she involving
You know how they do. They promise the world.
him, I didn’t even know that he existed. But I knew
me it?’ so i said ‘let’s not go there, it’s dangerous’
And he was a good guy. When I had my babies, on
his aunt and that was a linking where we met each
and that’s where he told me that I would forever
the second baby..I was paralyzed completely and
other. He came…I went to her house because she
be his wife…and i didn’t believe it because I had
in those days there was no therapy, no nothing. He
asked me to go have a coffee and meet her neph-
another boyfriend. I wanted that other boyfriend,
reeducated me, he was a strong marine who be-
ew and I said ‘i didn’t know you had a nephew’
I didn’t want him. I said ‘I don’t want no gringo, I
lieved in exercises and all that. So here I am today,
and she said ‘yes! he’s a grown marine!’ and I said
want a Spanish guy’ and he said to me ‘well, you’re
because of him.
‘ohhhh, a grown marine’
going to marry this gringo.’ And I did.
I didn’t want to do anything like that, so he said ‘yes, you’re going to marry me. I’m engaged right now, but I’m going to go break my engagement so that I can court you.’ but he was a marine, he was on leave. We met for two or three days and then he was gone. but he said ‘when I get back to my base, I’ll send for you’… but when he got there,
the introduction and she told John that my father didn’t speak english…and he tried and tried to speak a word or two but he was no good. so that’s how we met. and he asked my father, right away he asked my father (through his aunt) if he could
I said ‘uh-oh’. That’s when the trouble started, he
13
“Love is a temporary madness. I t e r u p t s l i ke a n e a r t h q u a ke and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.”
Jim Jones Brewer III
23 YRS OLD
Stefanie Poteet
23 YRS OLD
2015 2 WKS engaged for
together for
distance makes
the heart grow fonder
both sides of the story
15
4 YRS
hers
My fiancé and I met because of my brother. They
Personally I believe modern technology can cause a distance between many couples. Right now it is great because of our long distance relationship but in normal life I think it is a distraction. I am bad about being with JJ and scrolling through instagram aimlessly without even thinking about how rude I’m being for not talking and fully engaging with him.
were good friends in high school and I was that sister that tagged along with my older brother
Love, to me, is more than the butterflies in your
- little did I know I would fall in love with one
stomach and the flutter you feel in your heart
of his goofy friends!
when you find a sweet note from your love. It is being a team, which at times is hard – doing
Well JJ and I have two “first dates” but the one
life with your best friend, One of my favorite
that led to where are now was a cute date to
quotes is from St. Augustine and it describes
pick out a Christmas tree for my apartment.
true love perfectly,
I grew up in Amarillo Tx. My brother and I lived
I think communication is the absolute most
“Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like
with our mom and we would see our dad every
important thing in a lasting relationship. Always
an earthquake and then subsides. And when it
Wednesday and every other weekend. Mom,
pursue each other and don’t stop “Dating” your
subsides you have to make a decision. You have
Greg and I became each other’s support system
spouse. I also think its important to celebrate
to work out whether your roots have become so
and we have been insanely close ever since.
the accomplishments of one another.
entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is.
Growing up life was hard at times and my brother and I understood each other when know one
Many of the difficulties we have faced have
Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement,
understood us - we have an unbreakable bond.
been overcoming personal issues I have had
it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal
with letting my past, and family issues, affect
passion. That is just being “in love” which any of
the way I view our relationship.
us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is
Growing up my parents’ relationship was, for lack
what is left over when being in love has burned
of better terms…unstable. They divorced when I was only 3 years old and did not have a healthy
I have to say that I do believe in soul mates. I
away, and this is both an art and a fortunate
friendship after that which, unfortunately, made
used to not totally agree with the idea of a soul
accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots
things tough for my brother and I.
mate but after finding JJ, I feel deep within my
that grew towards each other underground, and
heart that they do exist between people. A soul
when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our
The relationship that I am currently in is amazing!
mate, to me, is someone you are destined to be
branches we found that we were one tree and
I just got engaged to my best friend. Like any
with. Life may try to get in the way separate you
not two.”
relationship, we have had our ups and downs
but destiny will bring you back to that person.
but I think that is what makes us so strong. He
They know you more than you know yourself
I never imagined I would have a love like this.
is my encourager and support system and I am
and connect with you on a spiritual level. You’re
Not everyone gets to experience true love and
his; we are a team.
not just lovers, you are best friends.
I am so blessed that God chose JJ and I.
I am affianced to the worlds greatest woman. She is way out of my league and I have no idea why she picked me. So I count my blessings every day. Going on together 3 years now (5 on and off), we have withstood the test of time, distance, and skiing together. It’s a funny story actually, we sort of met through her brother you could say. You see, the first time we met was in the parking lot of Amarillo City Jail, after I had just been bailed out the first Saturday of Spring Break (self-explanatory), and she was up there bailing her brother out of jail. Romantic? Maybe not, but I think the most genuine stories never are. And while we are both hopeless romantics, our love is nothing less than genuine.
His that from my dad when I told him that I was going to Marry Miss Stefanie, and I have noticed that every time I have refused to “let it go”.
A diffuculty in our relationship has been shat-
tering expectations. Most people know not to go digging in the graveyard. And now I know why, all those things you say about your ex really do
Well naturally, as a high schooler recently bailed
come back to haunt you when you start dating
of whether or not a person is “in a relationship”
out of jail, I was grounded. But I still had a job. So
again. But a long lost friend told me that when
or “single”. I would trade all 693 of my Facebook
I just did what any responsible teenager would
it comes to the person you truly love, it doesn’t
friends for one true friend.
do. I called in sick to work and went to meet up
matter what anyone else thinks. If you truly love
with my new sweetheart. She was driving her
them you have to set your pride aside and be
What love is to me can be found in many other
mom’s rent car at the time and we decided to
not afraid to shatter any expectations others
people’s writings. It’s all so consistent, and
take it mudding. One flat tire, a voided rental
may have for you.
all so accurate to my experience that I find it undeniable. Love is what remains after being
warranty, a move out of her parents house, and a college education later, here we are today.
I believe in soul-mates I have read many people’s
“in love” has faded. When you and your partner
writings on what a soul mate is, but to me it’s
have realized all the little flaws that the other
I think the most important thing in a lasting
simple. It’s that one person that you truly belong
has and choose to accept them as they are.
relationship is humility. I feel like most would
with. The one who is nothing like you, but despite
Love, therefore is a choice. A choice to under-
say trust, but I personally think trust comes in
being completely different, like puzzle pieces,
stand each others short comings and be willing
time through your actions with one another.
you fit together perfectly.
to make sacrifices that will aid the other even though it may hurt you. But love is not just
Once you realize that kicking dirt on lies is no more honest than a used car salesman, honesty
Technology is a double edged sword to rela-
sacrifice, because if it was, we would just call
becomes second nature to a lasting relationship.
tionships. My fiancee is 5000 miles away from
it sacrifice. Love must be mutual.
Humility on the other hand is something that
me right now, has been for some time now, and
must be practiced; something that needs con-
technology has enabled us to maintain constant
I consider myself young, and ignorant, and I
stant monitoring. Nothing corrodes a relationship
contact with one another. However, its saddening
hope I always do, because with that mindset I
like pride does. I’ve heard that in church, I heard
that Facebook is the real determinant
will always have more to learn about love.
17
Jack Clemence
91 YRS OLD Betty Clemence
81 YRS OLD
1941 22 married at age
married for
62 YRS
Betty&Jack a conversation We met at a teen dance, his sister was sponsoring. I went because I knew her, he went because he was in her house. We met at the dance, we still like to dance…except we can’t dance today. We don’t coordinate anymore. Our first date I guess was the teen town dance, in a church. That’s basically where we met and that was basically our first date. Back in those days we didn’t have anything; I mean, you could go to the movies and eat popcorn for a nickel so that’s basically what we did. Then…life went on. she got a job, she was in the health field for many, many years. I was in the automobile business for many, many years, and now we are retired, enjoying the fruits of our labor.
Jack: But you know what young people need to know today is? Well, a lot of things young people need to know today – they’re doing things that are not good, without getting into it…but when you think about marriage: One man. One Woman.
start at the beginning and go from there
For life. To this day, I still open the doors for
Betty:: I lived with my grandparents. I was more
her, I still pull the chair out for her, we still hold
or less of a tomboy, I liked to climb trees, go
hands. That is…young people don’t think like that
up the sewer pipe. I lived with my aunt and my
anymore; we grew up in the old days where you
uncle in the summertime because I was out of
love each other for life. you don’t marry four or
school, my grandparents worked, they couldn’t
five times and have kids here and have kids there.
keep me there and so I lived with them. I rode a
it’s, you know. and it’s one of the things that
horse named dolly, and we rode all over town;
kids growing up today need to know and also,
she saw me coming and she knew what she
you can’t control people’s lives, I know that in
was in for.
the school systems today, high school, college,
Jack: I was born in a little town on the Missouri river called Missouri city. spent some of my growing years there and i don’t want to emphasize my personal things that happened in my life, we’re going to talk about good things. and the good things. some of the bad things went by and the good things…like when they bombed pearl harbor in 1941 December the 7th, I enlisted. went through the war, four years. Without elaborating, I was in Europe. I came back from there, came home. Just kind of wandered around, and then I came back to excelsior springs and met her through a dance. I went with her through her entire senior year. When she graduated, our plans were to get married. And we did. 62 years ago – it’s been a wonderful life. We moved here to Primrose not because we had to but we came here before we had to. and
they’re gonna smoke pot, they’re gonna smokWe Betty: There have been difficulties. but I think
cigarettes, they’re gonna drink, they’re gonna
anyone who has been married wouldn’t be honest
party – and none of those are good things…well,
if they didn’t say there were difficulties. There
partying is okay if you do it right. But there is a
were times when money was tight, however
lot of that in schools today, a lot of bullying in
everybody we knew was in the same situation so
schools today, which you never heard of back
we didn’t realize it really. I can remember there
in my day.
were times when he went down to sell blood so we would have enough money to buy groceries
Betty: Well, people are different today. If I might
when the kids were little. I can remember one
add, when we were in school, it wasn’t necessary
time, before we were married, I wanted to
to have a college education to go on to a job.
go to the show and I had no money, and my
and so we didn’t. most people I know didn’t.
grandparents had no money. But you could sell pop bottles for 2 cents. so i gathered enough pop bottles, and sold them to my grandparents, who had a store, for 2 cents a bottle, and went to the show. It was not a good time in those years, most everybody was in a tight situation. But as
Jack: We never heard of cocaine, marijuana…that didn’t exist when we were growing up, it wasn’t a thing…now it’s a big thing, but it’s a bad thing. I can’t change it, you can’t either. Young people, iPods and stuff; They’re addicted. It’s their life.
I say, we didn’t know it…so we had a good time.
These things should have never ever happened.
and they’re all fine. they’re kind of scattered
Jack: You mean the two of us? We never really
it’s ruining people’s lives, in my personal
around a bit, but not too much. We’ve been
had any tough times. I’m sure we had disagree-
opinion. It’s a horrible, horrible thing. They’re
here about eight months and we’re having a
ments growing up, during our marriage and there
on it, they’re texting, they’re driving, and not
happy life here; as good as you can expect, it’s
were good times and bad times…but basically all
paying any attention to their driving, it’s hor-
not perfect but it’s okay. and without reaching
good times. Not many people can say that, but
rible – new technologies are fine in the right
back for a lot of things, life has been good.
we’ve had a wonderful life. No regrets.
place, but THAT’S not.
we’ve had a wonderful life, we have three kids,
19
IT WAS NOT A GOOD TIME IN THOSE YEARS,
most everybody was inTIGHT a SITUATION. BUT AS I SAY, we didn’t know it,
so we had a
GOOD TIME. BETTY CLEMENCE age 81
no cash value WAS A REALLY GOOD REPRESENTATION
OF OUR RELATIONSHIP BUT WE WERE
MAKING IT WORK MORGAN STOCKTON age 21
21
Morgan Stockton
21 YRS OLD
there are a lot of different kinds of love My parents relationship is awful. While I was young…probably until I was thirteen my parents put on good faces while they were around me and stuff. My mom was really civil to my dad and it was fine, my mom was really nice and never spoke bad about my dad until I made my own opinion of him. When I turned thirteen and started seeing that he was always put work before his family and he never really payed attention to me in any kind of way a father should, that’s when I kind of made the turn and decided this was not a good relationship with my dad. Because up until then I had blinders on like a little kid does. I think there are a lot of different kinds of love. You have that happy glowing first love so I’ve had that. And I’ve had the really long term ‘we’re gonna make this work’ love and that just fell apart. But I don’t think I’ve had the type of love that calls for marriage. My best relationship was probably with Adam. That’s the relationship I look back on and think ‘we were a cute couple’. We were a good couple together. It’s probably the closest I’ve gotten to actually living with someone because he did live nearby but he spent most of his time at my place. It had a super sweet start where we were both living in the dorms
and I had just viciously broken up with my boyfriend before that and I had also been asked out by three different guys in one week. It was the week after I was dumped and I was like ‘hey everyone, I’m single!’ and BOOM, people ask me out. So Adam and I had a really sweet start where he had this giant jar of pennies and, it was so elementary, where he would chuck pennies at me to get my attention and I would chuck them back. And it ended up that there was one coin in the whole thing that was an arcade coin that said ‘no cash value’. and that was a really good representation of our relationship. I mean, we were both broke, we were both trying to make ends meat and be in college at the same time but we were making it work. The problem that I had with Adam was that I really need to fight sometimes. I get really high tension in high pressure situations and I just want to pick a fight. And it doesn’t really have to be about anything, but Adam was always super sweet and tried to fix it, and that’s not what I wanted. I wanted him to fight back. That was a problem for me. I couldn’t fight with him, it was like kicking a puppy. An understanding of the other person, and trying to make it as easy as possible for them. Understanding their needs. If you really love them, you can work around your own habits to help those needs.
Robin Williams
79 YRS OLD
I was the oldest child of five
and a willingness to share family responsibilities. To me, a soul mate is someone who looks at life in the same way you do, has the same passions you do. You may find a soul mate but never will you find someone you always agree with.
and grew up in a small farming community. My parents were children of area pioneers and regularly attended local Methodist Church. My father was an area political person; sheriff or county judge for 40 years. My mother was a wife and himemaker. Both my parents were socially active. I played sports, was cheerleader, was salutatorian of eight grade class and graduated with honors from high school. I graduated from area college with Bachelors Degree and later with Masters. I was a teacher for 33 years and I married my high school sweetheart and we had one son.
I think the biggest difference in teenagers in my day and now would be that we had moral values taught by parents and supported by the community and schools. Parents and children were less materialistic. There is also a loss of face to face communication and all that goes with it – facial expression, tone of voice, body language. We only know a lot of people superficially, not personally. To me, love is loving, caring, sharing, trusting and commitment to another more than the self.
My parents relationship could sometimes be contentious, but they were caring and supportive when one or the other was sick. My father worked while my mother stayed home, cooked, cleaned house, did laundry, and had babies. I was married at age 20 and we were married for 37 years before I was widowed. We met in first grade and grew up together. Our first date was the eighth grade banquet. It is most important in a lasting partnership to have trust, mutual respect, compatibility, sincere love, and support of your partner. It also helps to have a sense of humor, patience, unselfishness,
23
Jack Cagel
21 YRS OLD Briana Smith
22 YRS OLD
together for
3 YRS
a sappylovestory as told by briana My parents love story is one of those classic love stories. Boy meets girl, girl is repulsed by boy, boy doesn’t give up, boy is a good dancer, girl’s like, yeah okay we can date. My parents have been married for 25 years, but they’d been in love for over 30. Not only did they show me what love looks like by being loving parents, but they showed me what a successful marriage looks like. They showed me that it takes sacrifice, patience, forgiveness, courage, and that unconditional love stuff.Their relationship has created this sort of golden target that I’ve aimed for in my own romantic relationships. I wanted a man who was romantic like my father. I wanted to be caring and understanding like my mother. I wanted to find a man who was strong and unafraid like my father. I wanted to be practical and emotionally open like my mother. I wanted to find someone who could be my handsome best friend, who I could do anything and go anywhere with and be perfectly content, happy even. My parents are the ideal, and I hope to be just as happy as them after loving someone for 30 years.
wrong college and my soul mate have been at the other college and then I would never meet them and die alone; a little dramatic, I’m aware. That night I went to church and it I was a sophomore in college and was a peer
was truly one of those God moments where
mentor for the honors program. We helped
the topic of the sermon was choices. He talked
lead a required seminar class for the new
about how he believes God doesn’t have our
freshman honors students. There were over 60
life written for us. There is no one path. He
students in the class, but I remember thinking
is simply all knowing and knows all the op-
Jack was very handsome. At the time though,
tions we might pick and what would happen
I was in another relationship. Jack and I talked
if we decided to go left or go right. Maybe he
on just a few occasions, but in the seminar,
gives us the occasional nudge, but we write our own stories. That really clicked with me
I would catch him looking at me. About two weeks after my boyfriend at the time broke
one another and to not tell lies to maintain
and made complete sense. In other words, if
up with me, I started talking to Jack via Face-
trust. It’s important to be loyal to each other
I hadn’t gone to WT and if I hadn’t met Jack,
book after being snowed in during a blizzard.
and to never betray that person. It’s important
that doesn’t mean that I would have never
I had posted a status joking about how I was
to be a good listener and to be patient even
found someone. Maybe if I had gone to Okla-
going to have to trek out into the snow like
when it’s hard. It’s important to be understand-
homa, I’d have met someone else and things
an apocalypse soon because all I had was ra-
ing and caring on good days and bad. It’s im-
would be just as great. But I’m perfectly happy
men and Nutella. He had commented on it,
portant to have a sexual connection in order
with the way my story is written so far. I think
something about how all you need is Nutella.
to be more than just friends. It’s important to
maybe it’s possible there are multiple people
be able to be yourself, no matter how weird,
who could be our soul mate, and I think there
The next day, he private messaged me and
and for that person to love you through it.
is something comforting in that.
asked if I was still alive. From then on, we
Without all of that, a relationship can’t last. Our relationship was basically built on the in-
talked regularly over Facebook chat until he asked for my number. Then we were texting
Our biggest difficulty has just been timing.
ternet. I’m not sure we would be together if
daily. The semester ended and Jack went home
Since I am a year older than him, I graduated
it hadn’t been for technology, but through it
for the summer about 4 hours away. We start-
in December. He still has a year of school left
all, I always told Jack that I wanted our rela-
ed Skyping every night, talking till we both
and will graduate in May of 2016. This has
tionship to be something beyond a screen. I
fell asleep. We would watch the same movie
caused some problems because I’m in a differ-
wanted something real and authentic. I wanted
on Netflix and call it kinda-sorta-watching-a-
ent place than he is. At this point, I’m getting
a romantic story about awkward first kisses
movie-together. Over Skype, we learned a lot
into my career and am ready to get married
and going to movies and late night drives. We
about one another and I fell for him. We made
and buy a pug. Jack is just focused on do-
learned so much about one another through
plans to visit each other over the summer. He
ing well in his classes and graduating. It has
technology, and it was very real, but I wanted
came back up to Amarillo to stay with a friend
caused some minor arguements. Although we
something more. I wanted the physical aspect
for 4th of July. The day before, he and I had
have both discussed marriage and both want
of the relationship, the one thing that made
our first date. We had sandwiches and then
it, he is so here-and-now, and he’s less wor-
it most real. Technology was a key to our re-
went to the park to walk around and watch the
ried about saving money for things like an
lationship, but it was when we were face to
ducks. We held hands. His palms were sweaty
engagement ring or other future adult things.
face that everything bloomed.
and I had butterflies.
At times I have forgotten that I wasn’t thinking of things like that either when I had a year of
Love is when you find someone who brings out
There isn’t just one sole thing to make a re-
school to complete. I think that there is no
the best version of yourself and loves every
lationship work. It’s important to have com-
one person for you, or that there is no single
fiber of your being every day of the week, rain
mon interests so that you enjoy doing things
soul mate. I remember when I was a senior and
or shine. Love is seeing someone’s flaws and
together and common morals so you agree on
trying to decide where to go to college, I was
adoring every one of them. Love isn’t always
basic ideas. It’s important to be honest with
freaking out because I didn’t want to pick the
easy, but it’s worth every beautiful moment.
25
Jim Jones Brewer Sr.
Triss Brewer
78 YRS OLD
75 YRS OLD
195820
married for
57 YRS
married at age
triss&Jim
I met Jim when we were in high school. He was on the football team,
I was born in Oklahoma and moved to California and then to Texas. I
and I was a bit of a flirt, I liked to flirt with the boys. I was always very
graduated High School in Dumas, TX and college, Amarillo College. I
straight forward with them though, I told them that I would date but I
worked as a Policeman for Amarillo City Department for 15 years and
wouldn’t go steady. There’s nothing wrong with dating around, getting
then worked as a bank official for reginal bank and retired after 23 years.
to know different people, you should have fun. And this is what I told Jim as well, we could go out on dates but I didn’t want to go steady. But he
My step-father was domineering but fair and my mother was obidiant,
was pretty persistent, he kept asking me until I gave in and went steady
family oriented, loving, never worked out of the home. Together they
with him. Now we’ve been married for 57 years, I tell him I love him every
raised six children in hard times of Depression and WWII. Their rela-
single day, even if we’re upset with eachother. Because I do, even in the
tionship was often strained but remained in tact.
bad times, I love him with all my heart. Triss and I have been married for 57 years, I was twenty when we got Commutation. Hugging. Spending time together with family. Those are
married. I think that the most important aspect of our marriage is
what’s most important in a lasting relationship. And I’ve found that dif-
love, comittment, and compromise. But I have to say that the biggest
ficulty in a relationship is the little things that don’t matter are the things
difficulty is that she won’t let me drink enough Jack Daniels and eat
that you fuss about. But the big difficult things such as illness bring you
hamburgers often enough. Even with such difficulties, I’d still say that
closer together. Soul mate seems to be a new term that represents the
she’s my soul mate, Someone to love, someone to share goals with and
same concept as marriage. To love heart and body. To find the person
know that they will be there for you.
you want to spend your life with, good times and bad. With young people today I see a lot less “we” and more “me”. Also the When you are young love is surreal,exciting. As you get older it will change
different kinds of toys they have. But like General Electric Co.’s motto
It is always putting your partner first in every thing you do. Wanting do
“more good things for life”. Technology allows us to live better, go fur-
everything with them. Never giving up on each other. Being there for
ther, and experience things before unheard of together. Love is being
each other. It is worth working for. Wonderful. You need Christ in your life.
willing to give up anything and everything to share.
SHE WON’T LET ME DRINK ENOUGH
jack daniels
hamburgers. OR EAT ENOUGH
Jim Brewer age 78
27
Whenever you meet someone, THOSE PATHS THAT YOU ARE FOLLOWING
were meant to intersect
Kaylie Beckley
23 YRS OLD
no labels I’m basically dating without the label right now. I met this guy on a
really appreciate what’s good about that person. It’s really knowledge
video game I play and he lives in Montana, which is 22 hours away. I
based and being able to appreciate that person.
wanted to meet him so he flew here to visit and I kinda liked him, and he liked me. I don’t want to put an official relationship status on it though,
I think what makes a good relationship is when you have 100% trust in
until I graduate so that I can just focus on school and not worry about
each other. To not lie to each other; to just be open with each other
being a bad or distant significant other when I’m so caught up with
without anger, judgments, or doubts. With long distance relationships
school stuff. He understands.
it can be hard to bridge that gap without worrying or having doubts.
I grew up with four parents. My dad has been married and divorced
With me I go off of chemistry, how my body reacts to their body. And
almost four times now. My mom met my step-dad when I was about
I don’t mean like physical body, but soul. Like if I don’t get that feel-
three years old and she’s been with him 18 years now. My dad, however,
ing in my stomach that I really like them, then I probably don’t. I think
has gone through wives like he goes through underwear. I hope to
learning what you want in a relationship takes a lot of time and effort.
never get divorced, I just want to get married once and stick with that
Finding a person that picks up on your positives and negatives while
person. I don’t want to be how my dad is with four different wives and
you pick up on theirs, so that you’re filling in their flaws and they fill
split relationships with girls and kids. It kind of messes with your head,
in yours. Filling in the holes like a puzzle peice.
I mean, I don’t have any blood siblings, and I wonder what it would be like, I feel separated from my half-siblings because they have siblings
I think we (young people) have become dependant on technology and
from the same parents, and I just wonder what that would be like. It
the instant gratification of it. I think it would be nice sometimes to not
doesn’t matter though, they’re still my siblings.
be able to talk all the time, like our grand parents did. Have that extra exceitement and not feel as if you’re running out of things to say after talking to someone all day every day.
I think of soul mates differently than others. Whenever you meet someone, your paths that you are following were meant to intersect. You were meant to meet that person, even if it’s just to teach you some-
Being in love with someone is accepting them for who they are and
thing you need for your next relationship. I think once you get all that
not wanting to change them. People won’t change unless they want
knowledge, the person you end up marrying, or your soul mate, you can
to, you can’t force that on someone.
29
Tracy Cooper
78 YRS OLD DeAnn Cooper
75 YRS OLD
married for
57 YRS
1949 12
met at the age of
Love
We got married eight years later, in 1958 and have been together ever since. Early in our marriage, we probably thought that a difficulty in the relationship was the lack of money, but looking back I’d have to say it’s just the normal things that life brings. There will always be ups and
THROUGH THE AGES
De Ann and I have been in a loving marriage for 57 years,
downs in life and we all have to make our way through them together. The most important thing in a marriage or lasting relationship is trust, openness and just being together no matter what comes along. I don’t believe in soul mates. People who think that they are soul mates should just be legally married because that’s something real.
I was 21 years old when we got married. I was born in Pampa, TX in 1937 but we moved around a lot, Mc Lean to Amarillo to Allanreed to Belview
A difference I see in young people today is peer pressure. In my younger
and back. There was also a time that DeAnn and I spent in California
years, I had no peer pressure. I had been taught right from wrong and
for one and a half years on a military base until I was discharged from
lived that way around all my friends, they respected that. I didn’t worry
the army and moved back to Amarillo. I then worked as an electrician
about whether I fit in or not or if I had to change what I believed in to
for forty-one years. We still live in Amarillo today.
do it. Young people today always try to fin in even when they know it’s wrong. Now all we do is entertain our teenagers, trying to keep them
My parents always had a loving marriage and acted as a good role
happy. We should have spent more time teaching them how to live and
model for us three boys and two girls. My Father was a minister and my
work and love others. Too much time is spent on modern technology.
Mother was a wonderful pastors wife. I actually met my wife, De Ann,
Spouces would feel so special if they got as much attention from each
at the first church that my father pastored because she was a member
other as is usually given to modern technology.
of the church. We were twelve years old when we met and I believe that it was planned by God. I have been blessed to spend my life with
I believe that love is giving unselfishly 100% to my wife. The greatest
her. We had our first date a year after we met when we were thirteen,
love of all is the “agape” love we share with our Lord Jesus Christ. And
skating around the gym floor at Alanreed TX basketball gym. It was a
it’s being there for each other in good times and bad as one.
sort of school party, I remember playing volleyball too.
Savanna Howland
Nick Howland
24 YRS OLD
25 YRS OLD
2015 3 WKS married for
together for
1 ½ YRS
Savanna and I have been together a little over a year and a half .
a walk in the park and ended up talking until five in the morning. I’m
Savanna went to a shop in the West Bottoms and bought a poster
super timid when it comes to being interested in someone so I just laid
there for a band. She bought is and she went up to purchase it, and
there next to her, stiff as a board. She eventually grabbed my arm and
the person who was running the store was a friend of mine that I had
put it around her and we kept talking. Then it started to rain and she
worked with a while back. The poster that she was buying was actually
got up to walk back home and I started to get up, but I grabbed ahold
mine and the lady told her she should check this guy out, he’s pretty
of her and kissed her in the rain.
talented and pretty cute. Savanna just thought I must have been this lady’s creepy nephew or something who could never find a girlfriend
I think the only people who believe in soul mates are people who have
and she was trying to pawn me off. But a while later she did facebook
found a person that they think is the one. I don’t know if people who
message me about other posters or stuff that I did and to say that
are single or still searching for love will really say that they believe
she liked it but we were both in relationships with other people at
there are soul mates, I don’t know. But I do think they’re out there, I just
that time. It was like a year later, I was walking in the Plaza with my
don’t think that a soul mate is necessarily the person you fall in love
family and I saw someone who looked really familiar, and it ended up
with and you’re going to marry; I think sometimes it’s your best friend.
being Savanna. She messaged me later that day to see if I wanted to get together for coffee, but I had to tell her that I was entertaining my
I know it’s something you hear a lot, but I think it only rings true when
family so I couldn’t that day. I went by Sunfresh to pick of some food
you’ve participated in it – the most important thing in a lasting rela-
for my family and Savanna was there, she was at the redbox getting
tionship is communication. Being able to talk openly with someone and
a movie. She yelled for me across the store, and I went over to say hi
have an understanding. I think without good communication things
and she immediately gave me a hug, and I just kind of melted into it. It
just tend to fall apart. And to just be excited, to have a sense of ad-
was the best feeling. It was just so comfortable and nice even though
venture is important too. I think love is when you are so compatible
I had never even really talked to her before.
with someone, it’s easy. I think love should be easy, it doesn’t have to be difficult, I don’t think that you should have to make sacrifices for
The next night we agreed to get together after I got off of work and
it. I think love is just, you want to spend every day with someone, and
we decided to take a walk because it was such a nice night. We took
share every adventure and every little moment with them.
31
Q
the most important thing in a lasting partnership is..
33
Understanding IS WHAT MATTERS MOST
Jerry Cummings age 86
Morgan Stockton age 21
Understanding their needs IF YOU REALLY LOVE THEM, YOU CAN WORK AROUND YOUR OWN HABITS TO HELP THOSE NEEDS
Love
THAT COVERS EVERYTHING
JACK CLEMENCE age 91
BETTY CLEMENCE age 81
I’m sorry BEING ABLE TO SAY
AND MEANING IT
Tracy Cooper age 78
humility.
I FEEL LIKE MOST WOULD SAY TRUST, BUT I THINK TRUST COMES IN TIME THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS WITH ONE ANOTHER.
J.j. brewer age 23
Kaylie beckley age 22
Q
Q
What does love mean to you?
41
IT’S MORE THAN THE
butterflies in your stomach AND THE
FLUTTER IN YOUR HEART
STEFANIE POTEET age 23
‘Love’ agape
THE GREEKS HAD FOUR WORDS THAT WE TRANSLATE INTO
UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
philia eros storge BROTHERLY LOVE
ROMANCE
AFFECTION
ALL HAVE GOOD MEANINGS
CRAIG STONE age 89
love should be easy I DON’T THINK THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO MAKE SACRIFICES FOR IT
NICK HOWLAND age 25
SacriямБce LOVE IS
ROBIN CUMMINGS age 79
45
LOVE IS FLAWS SEEING SOMEONE’S
AND ADORING EVERY ONE OF THEM
briana smith
age 22
Unconditional acceptance
FAULTS AND ALL
robin Cummings age 79
I CONSIDER MYSELF
young and ignorant
AND I HOPE I ALWAYS DO, BECAUSE WITH THAT MINDSET I WILL ALWAYS HAVE
more to learn about love
J.J. Brewer age 23
49
We all have an innate desire to be understood. Language, art, music all communicate pieces of ourselves we want to share with the world. And further than that there is the continual nature of people to seek out that one person with whom to share their entire life. So within these pages, I want to explore the idea of partnership. And to begin exploring this I thought it best to go straight to the source. To get real stories from real people. Initially I wanted to focus on seniors, to get their take on love and partnership having wisdom from experience. But after discussion on the topic, my scope broadened to include another generation to get opinions and stories from. My generation. Millennials. To put our thoughts and stories side by side with the older generation. To explore what has changed with the generations and what holds true when it comes to love.