ChattPulse49_Final

It’s been 10 years since the Kyoto Accord was struck.

Why has so little been accomplished?

Main X 24 Main Street comes alive pg. 10

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December 6, 6 2007 Issue 49• VVolume olume 4

The

Talk Back All Over But The Shouting?

Publisher Zachary Cooper zcooper@chattanoogapulse.com Editor Michael Kull mkull@chattanoogapulse.com News Editor Angela Tant atant@chattanoogapulse.com A&E Editor Seth Wilson swilson@chattanoogapulse.com Listings Editor Paula Just pjust@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Writers Bertram Brandt Chuck Crowder Ken Dryden Hellcat John James Joe Lance Eric Ledford Charlie Moss Ernie Paik Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D. Leticia Wolf Special Feature Writers Bill McKibben R.V. Sheide Layout and Design Ryan Camp rcamp@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Artists Rick Baldwin Ben Claasen, III Doug Ogg Christopher Wilson Photographer David Andrews dandrews@chattanoogapulse.com Contributing Photographers Nathan Bosic Natalie Lodico Andy Still Advertising Assistant Alex Gunderson agunderson@chattanoogapulse.com Account Manager Elizzabeth Beil ebeil@chattanoogapulse.com Business Manager Jennifer Crutchfield jcruthchfiled@chattanoogapulse.com

For the last seven years, MLK residents have made astounding leaps to improve their neighborhood. Many of the houses on 11th Street (near Central) rival any home in North Chattanooga in terms of aesthetic beauty. And the work between McCallie and MLK make the area unrecognizable from 10 years ago.

Businesses are opening along 11th and the corner of MLK and Houston. The MLK neighborhood has been a great success story for Chattanooga redevelopment: a place where residents have pulled themselves up by the bootstraps to play an important role in the greater Chattanooga experience.

Much of this work will be for naught when the Farmersʼ Market project is completed. Creating a centralized location for the homeless in Chattanooga will not cure chronic homelessness. There will always be homelessness in a city this size.

The likely outcome is an increase in the homeless population once a one-stop shop is established. And for what end?

Better services for the homeless? Hardly.

This campus will simply consolidate existing services. It wonʼt save any appreciable amount of money, either. In fact, the construction costs will be fairly steep - not to mention the bureaucratic nightmare that will ensue after these formerly independent agencies are brought under one umbrella.

It will be a sad day for MLK and Chattanooga politics once this project reaches fruition, because there is very little you or I can do to stop it. The lines have already been drawn, and the majority

of the City Council doesnʼt care because itʼs not in their districts. If this agenda was pushed onto Brainerd or Hixson, the whole city would be up in arms, shouting “Not in my backyard.” But as it stands, no one has come to MLKʼs rescue. They are our neighbors and deserve a stronger vote in the process. I spend a great deal of time in MLK, and as far as Iʼm concerned, it is my backyard.

At the center of this issue lies Ron Littlefieldʼs self-proclaimed “legacy project” - a narcissistic desire to paint himself as the great mayor with a heart of gold. Itʼs no secret that the Farmersʼ Market campus is his pet project. This is intended to be his one great contribution to the Chattanooga narrative. Weʼre subject to a constant onslaught of press releases praising his great big heart, and itʼs not even election time. Iʼm personally sick of Ron Littlefieldʼs heart - his grandiose schemes to get in the history books and his willingness to turn any municipal challenge into an opportunity to pander to voters. Ron may be “good people,” but his legacy project will cause irreparable harm on a crucial, culturally diverse area of our city.

-David Morton Hixson, Tennessee Fatal Book Review?

I have not read the book, and, after reading the review from Paula, I donʼt feel that this is a book I would choose to read.

-Sheila Davis Honea Path, South Carolina

Pulse Talk Back includes only signed letters provided via email (talkback@chattanoogapulse.com), snail mail (P.O. Box 4070, Chattanooga, TN 37405), fax (423-648-7860), or posts to our web site (ChattanoogaPulse.com). All letters must include a valid telephone number to be used for authentication. We reserve the right to edit for clarity. Please limit comments to 200 words.

Contents 4 News 7 Pulse Beats 9 Civic Forum 10 A&E 14 ARTifacts 17 Music 18 The Scene Queen 21 Music Reviews 23 Screen 24 In Theaters 26 Book Review 27 Shrink Rap 28 Life in the ‘Noog 30 Feast 35 Horoscopes 36 Classifieds 38 Crossword

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The Pulse 12.11.07

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News

By Bill McKibben Underwritten by the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies

You’re getting warmer The Kyoto Accord began the race to halt global warming. On its 10th anniversary, why are we barely past the starting gate?

The political-world reality 10 years after Kyoto is that we haven’t done anything. Oh, we’ve passed all kinds of interesting state and local laws. … But in Washington, D.C., nothing. No laws at all.

I remember so well the final morning hours of the Kyoto conference. The negotiations had gone on long past their scheduled evening close, and the conventioncenter management was frantic—a trade show for children’s clothing was about to begin, and every corner of the vast hall still was littered with the carcasses of the sleeping diplomats who had gathered in Japan to draw up a first-ever global treaty to curb greenhouse-gas emissions. But when word finally came that an

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agreement had been reached, people roused themselves with real enthusiasm—lots of backslapping and hugs.

A long decade after the first powerful warnings had sounded, it seemed that humans were finally rising to the greatest challenge we’d ever faced.

The only long face in the hall belonged to William O’Keefe, chairman of the Global Climate Coalition, otherwise known as the American coal, oil and car lobby.

He’d spent the week coordinating

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the resistance—working with Arab delegates and Russian industrialists to sabotage the emerging plan.

And he’d failed. “It’s in free fall now,” he said, stricken. But then he straightened his shoulders and said, “I can’t wait to get back to Washington where we can get things under control.”

I thought he was whistling past the graveyard. In fact, he knew far better than the rest of us what the future would hold. He knew it would be at least another decade before anything changed.

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KYOTO Timeline

Ten years warmer The important physical-world reality to know about the 10 years after Kyoto is that they included the warmest years on record. All of the warmest years on record.

In that span of time, we’ve come to understand that not only is the globe warming, but also that we’d dramatically underestimated the speed and the size of that warming.

By now, the data from the planet outstrips the scientific prediction on an almost daily basis. Earlier this fall, for instance, the melt of Arctic sea ice beat the old record. Beat it in mid-August, and then the ice kept melting for six more weeks, losing an area the size of California every week. “Arctic melt unnerves the experts” the headline in The New York Times reported. And they were shaken by rapid changes in tundrapermafrost systems, not to mention rain-forest systems, temperate-soil carbon-sequestration systems, oceanicacidity systems.

We’ve gone from a problem for our children to a problem for right about now, as evidenced by, oh, Hurricane Katrina, California wildfires, epic droughts in the Southeast and Southwest.

And that’s just the continental United States. Go to Australia sometime: It’s gotten so dry there that native Aussie Rupert Murdoch recently announced that his News Corp. empire was going carbon neutral.

The important political-world reality to know about the 10 years after Kyoto is that we haven’t done anything.

Oh, we’ve passed all kinds of interesting state and local laws, wonderful experiments that have begun to show just how much progress is possible. But in Washington, D.C., nothing. No laws at all. Until last year, when the GOP surrendered control of Congress, even the hearings were a

1997 The world’s developed countries come together in Kyoto, Japan, in December and for the first time negotiate a treaty to reduce the greenhouse-gas emissions that cause global warming. The United States never ratified the treaty.

Toyota Prius, one of the first mass-produced hybrid gas-electric cars, goes on sale in Japan.

1999 World population reaches 6 billion.

joke, with “witnesses” like novelist Michael Crichton.

And as a result, our emissions have continued to increase. Worse, we’ve made not the slightest attempt to shift China and India away from using their coal. Instead of an allout effort to provide the resources so they could go renewable, we’ve stood quietly by and watched from the sidelines as their energy trajectories shot out of control: The Chinese now are opening a new coal-fired plant every week. History will regard even the horror in Iraq as one more predictable folly next to this novel burst of irresponsibility.

Negotiations begin this month in Bali to strike a new [globalwarming] deal, and it’s likely to be the last bite at the apple we’ll get—miss this chance and the climate likely A hint of a movespirals out of ment If you’re looking for control. good news, there is

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some.

For one thing, we understand the technologies and the changes in habit that can help. The last 10 years have seen the advent of hybrid cars and the widespread use of compact fluorescent light bulbs. Wind power has been the

fastest-growing source of electric generation throughout the period.

Japan and then Germany have pioneered with great success the subsidy scheme required to put millions of solar panels up on rooftops.

Even more important, a real movement has begun to emerge in this country. It began with Katrina, which opened eyes. Al Gore gave those eyes something to look at: His movie made millions realize just what a pickle we were in. Many of those, in turn, became political activists. Earlier this year, six college students and I launched stepitup07.org, which has organized almost 2,000 demonstrations in all 50 states. Last month, the student climate movement drew 7,000 hardworking kids from campuses all over the country for a huge conference. We’ve launched a new grassroots coalition, 1sky.org, that will push both Congress and the big Washington environmental groups.

All this work has tilted public opinion—new polls actually show energy and climate change showing up high on the list of issues that voters care about, which in turn has made the candidates take notice. All the Democrats are Continued on page 6...

2001 Third Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report says that unprecedented global warming is very likely.

Vice President Dick Cheney says that conservation is “a sign of personal virtue, but it is not a sufficient basis for a sound, comprehensive national energy policy.”

2002 President George W. Bush says the Kyoto Protocol is “economically irresponsible” and the United States will not ratify it.

Major collapse of the Larsen B Ice Shelf in Antarctica. The breakup involves 500 billion tons of ice over an area of 1,250 square miles. Soon, the Ward Hunt Ice Shelf, the largest in the Arctic, begins to break up.

The United Kingdom, France, Germany, Italy and other European Union countries ratify Kyoto. They are soon joined by Canada.

2003 Europe experiences its hottest summer on record, with 30,000 deaths attributed to a rare heat wave.

2004 The film The Day After Tomorrow portrays global climate change as a bad guy.

Russia ratifies the Kyoto treaty, removing a major hurdle for implementation.

2005 Rep. James Inhofe, R-Okla., calls global warming “The greatest hoax ever perpetrated on mankind.”

Kyoto goes into effect, but the United States and Australia still refuse to ratify.

Scientists note record retreats in Arctic glaciers and measurable slowing of deep ocean currents in the Atlantic.

Hurricane Katrina, a Category 5, strikes the Gulf Coast, devastating parts of Mississippi and toppling New Orleans’ fragile levees. Scientists note that topical storms and hurricanes will be stronger and more frequent as global temperatures rise.

2006 NASA’s top climatologist, James Hansen, says the Bush administration is trying to censor what he can say about global warming.

An Inconvenient Truth, the film version of former Vice President Al Gore’s lectures on global climate change, is released.

2007 Al Gore wins an Oscar for best Documentary Feature.

A half-million Southern Californians are forced to evacuate a firestorm in unseasonably hot, dry conditions. Scientists had predicted that area would get hotter and drier under most climatechange scenarios.

The fourth IPPC report states that the effects of global warming are being felt now and that the cost of reducing greenhouse-gas emissions will be lower than the costs of damage caused by climate change.

China surpasses the United States in greenhousegas emissions.

Tenth Anniversary of Kyoto negotiations.

Al Gore and the IPCC accept the Nobel Peace Prize for their work on climate change.

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Continued from page 5...

Rejected Names for East Ridge’s New Water Park The Splash Valley water park is set to open in May on Ringgold Road in East Ridge. Which proposed names for the new facility failed to make a splash?

1. Beige Water 2. Wet n’ Floody 3. Tri-State Water Slides, Cash Advance, and Title Pawn 4. Crackers Barrelin’ 5. Captain D’s PVSea 6. Miracle Mountain: The Greatest Thing to Ever Happen to East Ridge in the History of the Universe!

The List is (usually) satire.

Especially this week.

Visit Our

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saying more or less the right things, though none of them, save John Edwards, is saying them with much volume.

The race of all time Now it’s a numbers game. Can we turn that political energy into change fast enough to matter?

On the domestic front, the numbers look like this: We’ve got to commit to reductions in carbon emissions of 80 percent by 2050, and we’ve got to get those cuts under way fast—10 percent in just the next few years. Markets will help—if we send them the information that carbon carries a cost. Only government can do that.

Two more numbers we’re pushing for: zero, which is how many new coal-fired power plants we can afford to open in America, and 5 million, which is how many green jobs Congress needs to provide for the country’s lowskilled workers. All that insulation isn’t going to stuff itself inside our walls, and those solar panels won’t crawl up on the roofs by themselves. You can’t send the work to China, and you can’t do it with a mouse: This is the last big chance to build an economy that works for most of us.

Internationally, the task is even steeper. The Kyoto Accord, which

we ignored, expires in a couple of years. Negotiations begin this month in Bali to strike a new deal, and it’s likely to be the last bite at the apple we’ll get—miss this chance and the climate likely spirals out of control. We have a number here, too: 450, as in parts-per-million carbon dioxide. It’s the absolute upper limit on what we can pour into the atmosphere, and it will take a heroic effort to keep from exceeding it. This is a big change—even 10 years ago, we thought the safe level might be 550. But the data is so clear: The Earth is far more finely balanced than we thought, and our peril much greater. Our foremost climate scientist, NASA’s James Hansen, testified under oath in a courtroom last year that if we didn’t stop short of that 450 red

Chemistry and physics don’t bargain.

They don’t compromise.

They don’t meet us halfway.

We’ll do it or we won’t.

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line, we could see the sea level rise 20 feet before the century was out.

That’s civilization-challenging.

That’s a carbon summer to match any nuclear winter that anyone ever dreamed about.

It’s a test, a kind of final exam for our political, economic and spiritual systems. And it’s a fair test, nothing vague or fuzzy about it. Chemistry and physics don’t bargain. They don’t compromise.

They don’t meet us halfway. We’ll do it or we won’t. And 10 years from now, we’ll know which path we chose.

Bill McKibben, a scholar in residence at Middlebury College, is an author and environmentalist who frequently writes about global warming. McKibben’s essay was commissioned by the Association of Alternative Newsweeklies.

Approximately 30 AAN member papers will be publishing the essay this week.

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Pulse Beats

A rundown of the newsy, the notable, and the notorious…

THE BLUEPRINT BOOGIE We have a draft! We have a draft!

The folks who updated the 2004 blueprint to end chronic homelessness in Chattanooga in ten years want your input on their draft.

Take a look at the blueprint draft by going to chattanooga.gov/General_ Government/62_3699.htm. Then, comment on what you see, either by emailing blueprint@mail.Chattanooga.gov, or by going to a public meeting at Bessie Smith Hall on Friday, December 7, from 9 a.m. to noon.

About 60 people divided into five committees helped draft the document. The committees focused on housing, services, prevention, planning/coordination and community reintegration.

The revised blueprint draft comes a couple of weeks after the Chattanooga City Council approved a contract with the Interfaith Homeless Network to lease land they needed to build a new day center on city-owned property that once used to accommodate the Farmers’ Market on East 11th Street.

The building will be constructed from funds raised at a recent roast honoring Mayor Ron Littlefield. It also will receive $25,000 in assistance from the Homebuilders Association of Southern Tennessee, which also will coordinate construction and find donors for building materials and labor.

This association, by the by, also donated $5,000 to Littlefield’s mayoral campaign in 2005.

MERRY (COMCAST) CHRISTMAS! It’s holiday time again, so let’s see what Comcast has packed in its goodie bag to give its loyal customers.

What’s this? A rate increase?

Hell, a lump of coal would be better. At least we could burn it for heat.

Comcast announced last week that it will raise cable bills by 3.8 percent.

The reason? They say they need to do it because they spent about $15 million on cable lines and added a few HD channels.

It also is doing some more shuffling with its channels, placing some from basic expanded cable onto the system that requires a converter box.

And the timing couldn’t be better. The rate hike comes when EPB and AT&T are looking to enter the cable market.

They couldn’t buy the amount of negative publicity this could bring to the cable giant.

Yet Comcast shakes its head and wonders why people want more competition.

Maybe Comcast should ask Santa for a clue this Christmas.

FUN WITH WATER – IN EAST RIDGE?!?!

Christmas came early to the city of East Ridge, though. Developers from Birmingham, Alabama, announced last week their intent to build a water park in the town.

Construction on the $12 million facility is expected to begin in January, with gates set to open in May, according to developers David Mayes and Shawn Callahan.

The park, which will be called Splash Valley, will try to attract customers who are too far away from Dollywood’s Splash Country in Pigeon Forge or Atlanta’s White Water. And whaddya know? East Ridge is about halfway between both.

There will be 12 rides, including a water roller coaster, a big wave pool, a 1,000-foot lazy river, a good-sized children’s play park and three restaurants.

It will be placed near the 5700 block of Ringgold Road, across from Groome Transportation and next to Nice Cars.

So now our aquarium visitors can

actually go to a water park to get wet instead of relying on the Coolidge Park fountains.

HONORS FOR HONESTY Last week’s Chattanooga City Council meeting didn’t produce as many sparks as it has in weeks past.

The week’s most time-intensive item on the agenda had nothing to do with wrongdoing. Instead, it concentrated on doing the right thing.

Council members, along with General Sessions Court Judge Bob Moon, honored two teens who performed a small, but noble, task. Seems the judge was in a restaurant paying for a meal when he dropped a $5 bill on the floor without realizing it. Tony Williams and Jaylen Anderson saw him drop the money. They picked it up and returned it to him. As a result, the two kids were praised for their honesty.

“I asked them, ‘If nobody else saw you pick up the money, then why didn’t you just keep it?’” Moon recollected. “Because it’s not mine,’ they told me. The impact of that was overwhelming to me.”

Along with praise from the council, the boys received a framed $5 bill, and Olivet Baptist Church gave both a $2,000 scholarship. The council also gave them official city pins.

How neat is that? Nice to know that good deeds aren’t overlooked.

Which brings us to our …

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “Honesty and integrity are some of the most precious attributes you have. Those are the things that maintain you through life.” – Dr. Jean Howard Hill, a UTC professor who honored Williams and Anderson with the Chattanooga City Council for the example they set for their peers.

Here are a few of the more interesting items set to be discussed at the December 11 meeting of the Chattanooga City Council. As always, the agenda may be amended to add or subtract items.

The council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building on 1000 Lindsay St.

Our take on this week’s agenda 6 a) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 24, by amending, adding or deleting Sections 24-1, 24-12, 24-23, 24-30, 24-45, 24-46, 24-48, and 24177 relative to motor vehicles and traffic.

These ordinances concern driving motor vehicles when meeting

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an emergency vehicle; riding on motorcycles, motor-driven cycles and safety equipment; driving on laned roads; showing registration plates on vehicles; and safety belts and child restraints. In short, they’re gonna talk a lot about cars and traffic.

6b) An ordinance to amend Chattanooga City Code, Part II, Chapter 7,

Article IV, Sections 7-41 and 7-42, and Chapter 25, Sections 25-8, 25-9, 25-10, 25-11, 25-17,25-38, and 25-82 through 25-85, relative to miscellaneous offenses.

These ordinances concern cruel and inhumane acts on animals; disorderly houses (what they are, how it’s illegal to keep them or frequent them, owner liability and

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the fact that they are considered to be a nuisance); prowling; and peeping. These ordinances are amusement enough for the evening.

The Chattanooga City Council meets each Tuesday at 6 p.m. in the City Council Building at 1000 Lindsay St. For more information on agendas, visit Chattanooga.gov// City_Council/110_Agenda.asp.

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Special News Feature

By R.V. Scheide senior staff writer for SN&R in Sacramento.

Chill out Skeptical environmentalist Bjørn Lomborg questions the Kyoto Protocol’s effectiveness

Bjørn Lomborg’s critics claim he plays fast and loose with the numbers. He insists that he does not, and counters that his critics like to revel in catastrophe.

World-threatening climate change is sexy.

Ten years after the Kyoto Protocol first was introduced, the question remains: What can be done about global warming? For the 175 countries that have ratified it so far, the treaty goes into effect next year. While participants from the developing world have agreed to reduce anthropomorphic greenhouse gases by more than half of their total output, the majority of the nations covered by the treaty are under no obligation to actually reduce emissions, and the world’s three largest polluters—the United States, China and India—either aren’t participating in the protocol or don’t have to meet its requirements.

Complicating the question of what can be done is the fact that global warming is by no means the only peril facing the planet. The U.S. occupation of Iraq easily could spill over into a larger conflagration. Trillions of dollars worth of bad loans weigh down the global economy.

Increasing demand and decreasing supply have driven the price of petroleum up to nearly $100 per barrel, with no end in sight. Poverty, famine and disease plague the developing world. Nuclear proliferation remains a very real danger.

Against this backdrop, Bjørn Lomborg says chill out.

Lomborg, a Danish political-science professor, director of the Copenhagen Consensus Center and controversial author of The Skeptical Environmentalist and the recently released Cool It, argues that the Kyoto Protocol, after weighing its costs and benefits against his interpretation of the relevant research on the threat posed by global warming, is poor public policy. In the United States, the Lomborg perspective has been embraced by conservative sources such as The Wall Street Journal and universally shunned by environmentalists, a situation that perplexes the 42-year-old, slightly left-of-center Dane.

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“I’m a little disheartened that many of the people who like me are the people who I’d be least likely to like, where a lot of people who ought to be my friends, who I think of as my friends, are the most likely to be my enemies,” he admitted via telephone from Copenhagen, where he’s an adjunct professor at the Copenhagen Business School. “Sometimes I have the experience that some of my friends don’t even read me, and will just sort of say, ‘Oh, well, he just doesn’t care about the environment at all. He’s just saying that we should go on and emit as much carbon dioxide as we can possibly get away with and it’s no problem.’ Which of course is not at all what I’m saying. I think both sides are in a sense making a caricature of what I’m trying to say.”

Lomborg doesn’t deny that global warming is a serious issue. He applauds Al Gore’s An Inconvenient Truth for drawing the “American right wing away from the ‘Oh, it’s all a hoax.

It’s all a left-wing conspiracy to raise taxes,’ kind of thing.” However, he adds that in doing so, Gore has “brought a lot of people far toward the panic side. That is to say, ‘My god, this is a huge and humongous problem that we really need to fix right now.’”

By far the most controversial aspects of Lomborg’s views—which he presented to Congress earlier this year, his blond, Scandinavian good looks and casual attire standing out like a surfer against a sea of button-downed bureaucrats and prominent environmental advocates such as Gore— concern what critics claim is his minimization of the crisis and the ultimate effectiveness of Kyoto.

“If no other treaty replaces Kyoto after 2012, its total effect will have been to postpone the rise in global temperature a bit less than seven days in 2001,” he writes in Cool It. Eschewing high-end scientific estimates, such as the 20-foot sea-level rise by 2100 projected in An Inconvenient Truth, Lomborg instead focuses his claims on the more probable averages provided by the United Nations’ Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change.

At an estimated cost of $185 billion per year, Kyoto just isn’t worth it in Lomborg’s opinion.

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“The problem with the Kyoto Protocol is not that it’s not well intentioned. It’s not that it’s not attacking a real problem,” he said.

“Climate change is a real problem, and it’s definitely one that we need to fix in the long run. It’s simply that it fails to realize that it will cost a lot, and do very little good.”

Even if major polluters such as the United States, China and India had to meet Kyoto’s requirements, there’s no guarantee that any country will adhere to Kyoto’s guidelines.

When real limits are placed on the table, politicians back away, Lomborg said, citing recent experience in England. Members of Parliament just rejected a proposed annual emissions cut of 3 percent after being pressured by the energy lobby.

“It’s very easy to make promises when you don’t actually have to show the costs,” he said. “Famously, Kyoto was agreed upon in 1997, but won’t come into effect until next year, when politicians such as [Kyoto supporter] Tony Blair have left office. Likewise, Gov. Schwarzenegger is talking about cutting emissions to 1990 levels by 2020, which conveniently will probably be when he’s left office.”

Lomborg’s contrary assessments once earned him a literal pie in the face from activist and author Mark Lynas, who compares Lomborg and others who question climate-change orthodoxy to Holocaust deniers. Danish biologist Kåre Fog has devoted a lengthy Web site documenting Lomborg’s errors and alleged deliberate fabrications. Indeed, most of his critics find it difficult to restrain invective when discussing the controversial Dane, even in otherwise well-thought-out responses, such as the unprecedented, four-part critique in the January 2002 issue of Scientific American, with separate sections written by climate-change luminaries Stephen Schneider, John Holdren, John Bongaarts and Thomas Lovejoy.

The article was an evisceration, to which Lomborg responded at length.

“I’m very willing to have an argument,

Continued on page 25...

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Civic Forum

By Joe Lance

A Quorum, a Fourum, or a Threesum?

‘Compromise’ on open meetings ignores the premise The very fact that there needs to be an organization called The Coalition for Open Government signals a problem.

Most of us, some more reluctantly than others, acknowledge that government is necessary. The design of said government — in a free, democratic republic, at least — is architecturally open, meaning: the governed can look in at any time and witness the decisions that are being made (with the usual exemptions involving security and privacy, of course). So why must concerned individuals and organizations so coalesce?

Why, too, do those in the business of informing the public keep harping on this open meetings issue?

Every Tennessee newspaper I can think of, including this one, has published stories and editorials on the bad, bad ideas being proposed by a committee studying the current law.

Countless political blogs have also weighed in. (In case you’re thinking that it’s all about selling newspapers or ads, most of the bloggers do it for free, and almost all cite the fact that it’s your government, not the media’s.)

There is obviously a disconnect between our government’s design and its implementation. Until this gap is closed, you can expect more harping.

Current law, which many feel needs no tampering, says that two or more local government officials (including those that serve on publicly funded non-profit boards) cannot deliberate in private on a matter that is coming before their jurisdiction. All deliberation and decision must take place in announced public meetings (again, with noted and acceptable exceptions). Does this mean that our representatives cannot talk at all, in the hallway, or at lunch, or at the grocery store? Of course it doesn’t. They may even reference an upcoming decision, I would think: “Say, Bob, I guess we’ll be

deciding about that land purchase on Tuesday.” There’s a risk in broaching the subject, sure; but there’s no foul, as long as the conversations that actually contribute to the decision take place on Tuesday, and in front of the microphone.

The legislative study committee first proposed that up to four members of a board or commission could discuss matters in private, unless the number met or exceeded a quorum. This was too much for some, and so now the number has been reduced — by an unfathomably gigantic step, down to three. Knoxville attorney Danny Hollow, who has previously proved his worth on the side of open government by helping represent the people against the scandalous Knox County Commission, was called out for supporting this latest recommendation.

“How could he do that?” wondered Knoxville NewsSentinel reporter/ blogger Michael Silence. The answer: it was a compromise, as Hollow apparently felt resigned to backing this measure in order to prevent a worse recommendation from being made.

While it is well understood that compromise is an (or the) effective way to get past legislative obstacles, there are some items that would seem to be off limits, and surely open government is among those.

Otherwise, what’s the purpose? How is allowing three officials to deliberate privately better than allowing four, or worse than two? The principle is lost in these petty maneuvers. And the principle is an astoundingly simple one: Do the people’s business in front of the people.

Critics of those wanting to keep government from operating in secret use terms like “microscope” and phrases like “How would you like to do all your work with the boss standing over your shoulder?” — as if our

While it is well understood that compromise is an (or the) effective way to get past legislative obstacles, there are some items that would seem to be off limits, and surely open government is among those.

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representatives are currently toeing the line and all live in fear of being noticed committing the slightest, most harmless of slip-ups. Not so. Do you really think that, for example, the recent Chattanooga City Council decision to allow a homelessness resource agency access to the Farmers’ Market site, which wasn’t even on the agenda until the Friday afternoon prior, was made solely on that Tuesday afternoon and evening? Perhaps this is a bad example, as the plight of the homeless could make for hasty decisions. But there are too many to mention here that have clearly involved small, out-of-sight gatherings — and decision-bearing tidbits flung about in the twilight of cyberspace.

Perhaps worst of all is the fact that the Tennessee General Assembly will quibble over these rules and set the guidelines for local governments, all the while smugly sidestepping the law, because it doesn’t begin to apply to the Legislature. Nashville’s City Paper highlighted a funny — if, like me, you enjoy dark humor — episode from the ongoing study committee sessions. It seems that, after a break, the members were unsure of where they had left off.

Sen. Randy McNally (R-Oak Ridge) caught everyone up with what was next on the agenda, then joked that some had met in secret and decided it already. Ha, ha. We get it, senator.

You are exempt. (I’m not blaming Sen. McNally, and his joke really was funny.

I’m just pointing out the disjointed overall effect.)

Still, let’s tackle one issue at a time, and local government openness is the one at hand. I’m not saying anything new here. I acknowledge that I’m merely repackaging what many others have said, and I’m thankful that they’ve said it. It just seems that the message has yet to get through, so, I and others will keep trying. For more, use your favorite internet search engine to find writings on the subject by Russ McBee, Joe Powell, “Newscoma,” Jack Lail, “R. Neal,” Bill Hobbs, and “Smart City Memphis.” These should get you started. You could also contact your state legislators and urge them to keep government meetings open when they vote on the issue in the coming session.

Joe Lance runs TennesseeTicket.com, a political weblog and non-partisan election resource for Tennessee voters.

The Pulse 12.11.07

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A&E

By Angela Tant

Good Tidings from the Mayor of Main Street W.L. Goodman believed in the area when others gave up on it. Just look at it now.

Just call W.L. Goodman the mayor of Main Street.

Everyone else does.

The nickname is well-earned, for in the nearly 60 years he’s lived and worked in the area, he has tried to revitalize the once-thriving part of town.

But it hasn’t been easy. His was the part of town known for rampant crime and prostitution in the 1970s and ’80s.

“In those days, we had to walk our customers to their cars and chase off the soliciting prostitutes,” Goodman said of business at Office Coordinators Inc. “We actually kept plywood cut to the size of our windows so that they could be boarded up quickly at night.”

Goodman took the offensive and asked the police department to help eradicate the crime. He worked with police to rid the neighborhood of the four crack houses within two blocks of his business.

There were times – such as the sixmonth period in the 1980s in which the burglar alarm sounded on 53 occasions at Office Coordinators Inc. – that he thought of packing up and moving out.

Something, though, kept him grounded on Main Street.

“I believed in the back of my mind that one day this would be a great place again. As a child, we’d come over here to shop, and it was a vibrant place,” Goodman said. “I just kept thinking, ‘Main Street USA is going to be Main

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“In those days, we had to walk our customers to their cars and chase off the soliciting prostitutes. We actually kept plywood cut to the size of our windows so that they could be boarded up quickly at night.” - W.L. Goodman Street again one day.’”

Today, his hard work is paying off, and the community is reaping the rewards. The Main Street area this weekend will play host to Main X

24, a daylong celebration of what the neighborhood has to offer the city as a whole.

“In all honesty, I certainly never had the vision that it was going to be what

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I see now, what it’s becoming and what it’s going to be,” Goodman said. “It’s beyond my expectations and dreams.”

One of the linchpins of this year’s celebration is the parade in which Goodman organized from the start six years ago.

At first, it consisted of little more than Goodman, his son and a few company vehicles. In the past three years, the Goodmans would put candy in clear plastic bags and hand them out to kids along the route.

“This year, the parade’s going to be really something,” Goodman said. “I was never able to get it promoted to such a point that we really had great participation.”

This year, the Goodmans will wrap toys in cellophane, place them inside two red wagons, and mount them on a John Deere Gator decorated like a Christmas tree. They will give out tickets along the way, then draw names at the end of the parade and give away the toys.

A few of Goodman’s buddies who ride motorcycles will be in the parade this year, along with a scooter club and a classic car club. And you can count on seeing Goodman and his son Tripp on their motorcycles, as well.

Just don’t expect Goodman to be wearing a Santa suit.

Even though it would fit just perfectly.

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MainX24 picks “Metro” Local artist Katie Ward Knutson began her education in the arts at Covenant College, then received a degree in fine arts from Kennesaw State University. Since then, she’s toured Scandanavia, including a trip to the Arctic Circle. Take a look at her perspective of European and American cities with the use of oils, acrylics and mixed media at Hollis Gallery. 1-3 p.m.,1401 Williams St.

Spirit of Main Street Mural Shaun LaRose, a mural artist from Flintstone, Georgia, wanted to convey the rich history and chronology of the Main Street area. He wanted to compose a mural that celebrates the spirit of the past while saluting the present. He partnered with public art director Terry Tomasello, storyteller Jim Pfitzer and Andrew Stewart to make his dream come true. 10 a.m., 1701 Main St., next door to Hiroshi’s Sushi Restaurant.

Southside Parade Who doesn’t love a parade?

Southside’s begins at Battle Academy, continues down Main Street and ends at Jefferson Heights Park. The Howard High School Marching Band will perform, along with Howard Middle School’s cheerleaders. Keep your eyes peeled for antique cars, motorcades, a squadron of motorcycles and a fleet of scooters. Oh, and don’t forget Santa Claus. 11 a.m.

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Niedlov’s Breadworks Tasty treats, and a little melody, too. The music begins at 10 a.m. with Melinda Brown, followed by Melissa Wilkins at 11 a.m. Bob Carty plays at noon. Wilkins performs once again at 2, followed by Brown at 3.

Main and Mocha If the weather gets a bit chilly, stop into Main and Mocha at the corner of Main and Market streets. You can grab some peppermint mochas, pumpkin spice lattes and gingerbread lattes and listen to some talented musicians who will be playing throughout the day.

The music begins at11 a.m. with Nuclear Pagan, followed by Duo Muse at 1 p.m., Dana Rogers at 3 p.m., Bob Carty at 5 p.m., Matt Carbone at 6 p.m., Rogers again at 7 p.m., and an encore by Carbone at 8 p.m.

The Pulse 12.11.07

“Raw Space” The Thomas Mann Gallery I/O got its start in New Orleans in 1988, and recently added a new gallery in the Scenic City. Check out its newest exhibit, which features the sculptured creations of Boris Bally, Terry Cannon, Jack Charney, Tom Cowgill, Aaron Kramer, John Martini, and other artists. 11 a.m.-7 p.m., 1848 Rossville Ave.

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MainX24 calendar Main Street’s Back Here’s the entire lineup for MainX24 block party 8-10 a.m.: Horse-and-carriage rides on the Southside begin at the corner of Main and Market streets 9 a.m.: Southside Community Tree Blessing at the intersection of Williams and 18th Street 10 a.m.: Spirit of Main Street mural dedication (1701 Main St., next door to Hiroshi’s Sushi Restaurant) 10 a.m.-12 p.m.: Real Estate Partners Southside Urban Property Tour.

Includes Tower Place on West 17th Street, Cowart Townhomes on West 17th Street, and 137 W. 17th St. (Evening tours will also be available) 10 a.m. Melinda Brown at Niedlov’s 11 a.m.: Southside Parade begins at Battle Academy, continues down Main Street and ends at Jefferson Heights Park 11 a.m.-7 p.m.: “Raw Space,” an exhibition of sculpture at Thomas Mann Gallery I/O (1848 Rossville

Ave.). Features work from Boris Bally, Terry Cannon, Jack Charney, Tom Cowgill, Aaron Kramer, John Martini, and selected works from the gallery’s stable of artists.

11 a.m.-7 p.m. Create Here Studio display of work from UTC art students (East Main Street) 11 a.m-1 p.m. Nuclear Pagan at Main and Mocha 11 a.m. Melissa Wilkins at Niedlov’s 12 p.m.-5 p.m.: Holiday Market at First Tennessee Pavilion 12 p.m. Storyteller Jim Pfitzer’s bike ride and tour of historic sites starts at Jefferson Heights Park at 17th and Jefferson streets 12 p.m.: Santa at the Clark Center at the intersection of Market and Main streets 12 p.m.: Bob Carty at Niedlov’s 12-9:30 p.m. Tanner Hill Gallery’s Art and Authors sale (3069 Broad St.,

Suite 3) 1-3 p.m.: “Metro” at Hollis Gallery (1401 Williams St.), featuring the work of local artist Katie Ward Knutson 1-4 p.m.: Jefferson Heights Park neighborhood party, featuring musical entertainment from Skin Deep.

Includes food and games.

1-3 p.m. Duo Muse at Main and Mocha 2-4 p.m. Biking Green scavenger hunt starts at 63 E. Main St. (at the corner of Rossville Avenue) 2 p.m. Melissa Wilkins at Niedlov’s 3-6 p.m.: Fort Negley Park neighborhood party, featuring entertainment from musician Jason Lyles at 3 p.m., storyteller Jim Pfitzer at 4 p.m., and band Natural Habits at 5 p.m.

3-5 p.m. Dana Rogers at Main and Mocha 3 p.m. Melinda Brown at Niedlov’s 4-7 p.m. Party at OCI (326 Main St.) featuring the Sterchi Brothers Band, pork rinds and beer

5 p.m. Refreshments by Real Estate Partners Chattanooga at the intersection of 17th and Long 5-6 p.m. Bob Carty at Main and Mocha 5-8 p.m. Gypsy Muse at Blue Orleans 6 p.m. Lighted bike ride begins at Fort Negley Park at 17th and Mitchell streets.

6-7 p.m. Matt Carbone at Main and Mocha 6-10 p.m. Thomas Mann Gallery I/O party (1848 Rossville Ave.) 7-8 p.m. Dana Rogers at Main and Mocha 7:30-9:30 p.m. Create Here cocktail party 8 p.m. Wanda Chubbs at Blue Orleans 8-9 p.m. Matt Carbone at Main and Mocha 10 p.m.-3 a.m. Coptix Christmas Party at Loose Cannon (1800 Rossville Avenue) 10 p.m. Wanda Chubbs at Blue Orleans

A&E Picks An Appalachian Christmas at Waterhouse Pavilion. This family event features Appalachian and bluegrass music by The Morgans and Lynne Haas, The Dismembered Tennesseans, and headliners NewFound Road.

Complimentary hot cider and sugar cookies provided throughout the event.

Friday, December 7, from 7–9 p.m. at Miller Plaza. Admission $3 (Children 10 and under free).

The Nutcracker—Christmas magic abounds in the traditional staging of this classic Tchaikovsky ballet.

Presented with the help of the Chattanooga Symphony and Opera, the story centers on a young girl named Clara and a magical Christmas gift from her godfather Herr Drosselmeyer.

When the toy Nutcracker she is given comes to life, they embark on a magical journey and battle the Rat King. Full of classic Christmas music, this is a production not to be missed. Whether it’s your first or 101st viewing, you won’t be able to resist the wonder and joy inherent in the ballet. December 7 & 8 at 8 p.m. and December 9 at 2 p.m. Chattanooga Ballet. Tivoli

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Theatre. 709 Broad Street. (423) 265-0617. www.chattanoogaballet.net.

Christmas with Choral Arts— Highlighting both older and newer carols, this holiday concert can be the perfect jumpstart to the Christmas season. It’s worth mentioning that Choral Arts’ 1999 CD of carols was named one of the ten best of that year by the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

December 11 at First-Centenary United Methodist Church. 419 McCallie Avenue. (423) 877-7050. choralartsofchattanooga.org.

Jim Brickman Holiday Concert—This year’s musical homecoming features Lonestar front man Richie McDonald, who collaborated with Jim Brickman on a new holiday song “Coming Home for Christmas,” that will be performed along with well-known carols and holiday standards from Brickman’s newest holiday album “Homecoming.”

Tivoli Theatre. Wednesday, December 12 at 7:30 pm. Tickets are on sale online and at Memorial Auditorium box office. Charge by phone (423) 642-TIXS.

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The Pulse 12.11.07

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ARTifacts ART ARTS NEWS “The Spirit of Main Street,” a newly completed mural by artist Shaun LaRose that depicts a chronology of the area around Main Street, is now complete and available for view. The mural is located on the side of a building on Main Street near Hiroshi’s On The Southside.

Allied Arts has named Alex Harwell as the organization’s campaign director after serving as the campaign assistant during the last fund raising campaign.

The Creative Discovery Museum is now accepting reservations for gingerbread house workshops. Workshops will be held at Creative Discovery Museum downtown on Saturdays and Sundays through December 16. For more information or to make reservations, please visit www.CDMFun.org Applications are now available through January 31 for Hamilton County’s magnet schools. Openings are available in grades K-12 for the 2008-2009 school year. Apply online at www.hcde.org/ magnet or call 209-8616 for application information.

Uncanny Inspirado, the region’s largest independent art event, is coming back

for its fourth iinstallment this fall on the Southside. Visit UncannyInspirado.com for more information.

The Art of Change is a program of the City of Chattanooga designed to address the issue of panhandling. It is specifically designed to educate and encourage local citizens and tourists to stop giving to panhandlers. The City of Chattanooga has provided redesigned parking meters to serve as receptacles for the change that would ordinarily be given directly to panhandlers. Downtown area business owners are encouraged to join this effort by sponsoring a meter. All of the proceeds from sponsors and from change deposited into the meters will be given to agencies that provide services to the city’s most vulnerable citizens. For more information please contact Karen McMahon, City of Chattanooga (423) 425-6415 or email mcmahon_k@mail.chattanooga.gov.

The public library has had to cut its hours of operation at the Eastgate, Northgate and Ooltewah/Collegedale branches from five days a week to four days a week starting January 1 due to budget issues.

TALENT CALL The Chattanooga Theatre Centre will hold Auditions for Gore Vidal’s

political satire The Best Man on Sunday and Monday, December 9 and 10 at 7:30. Scott Dunlap directs. For more information visit www.TheatreCentre. com.

The Ocoee Players will audition for Harry Chapin’s Cotton Patch Gospels on December 8 from 10 to 2, and December 9 from 4 to 6. They’re also seeking bluegrass musicians. Call (423)-472-6587.

Chuck Tuttle, education director and leader of the CTC Youth Theatre production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream, is looking for a couple of adult men to take on the roles of Theseus and Hippolyta in that show. 30s to 50s.

Daytime availability is required for the school-day performances. For details, including rehearsal and performance dates, call Chuck at 267-8538×238.

ARTISTS WANTED Cypress Corners, a creative community located on the Southside in the newly revitalized Main Street arts district, is seeking to host artists, creative businesses, and arts organizations. To find out more, visit CypressCorners.com or call The Structure Group at (423) 266-9914.

Rivoli Art Mill is seeking starving artists of all stripes and media to join its community of working and hobbyist artists. Call (423) 265-4287 for more information.

CALL FOR ENTRIES EAC Announces Design Contest for Area High School Students – The City of Chattanooga’s Department of Education Arts & Culture (EAC) is sponsoring a design competition for area high school

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artists. Four art designs will be chosen and the winning pieces will be replicated and installed as a 1 of 4 permanent floor designs in the City of Chattanooga’s Development Resource Center. The competition is open to area youth 14 through 18 years of age. Deadline for art work to be received is Tuesday, January 15, at 4:30 p.m. in the EAC offices located at 399 McCallie Avenue, Chattanooga, TN 37402. Winners will be announced on Thursday, January 30, via personal phone calls with a corresponding press release. For more information contact Dorothea Richardson, EAC Cultural Art Specialist at (423) 425-6535.

2008-2009 Southern Circuit Tour of Independent Filmmakers – Call for entries is open through February 15, 2008.

Southern Circuit provides independent filmmakers with the paid opportunity to tour throughout the Southeastern United States, screen their work for new audiences, and engage those audiences in discussions about the work and its creation. All entries MUST be submitted via www.withoutabox.com. Applicants will register in the Fiction, Documentary, Animation or Experimental categories.

HELP NEEDED The Chattanooga Theatre Centre is seeking one or two good young men (or women) for parking lot duty and light building maintenance. Pay is better than fast food. Hours are irregular, but they need someone who is usually available evenings and weekends. If that shoe fits, call Phil Haynie at 267-8538×240.

ARTifacts is a weekly rundown of arts news compiled by the editorial staff of The Pulse. Check the A&E calendar each week for performance dates. Send arts news to Info@ChattanoogaPulse.com.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

A&E Calendar Thursday Comedy Vic Dunlop— 8:00 p.m.. The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Road.

(423) 629-2233.

Events After Work Gallery Stroll— 5:00 p.m.. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Amahl and The Night Visitors— 7:30 p.m.. Gian Carlo Menotti’s oneact opera. $5. Center for Creative Arts. 1301 Dallas Road. (423) 209-5929.

Film Screening of David Halberstam’s final novel “The Coldest Winter: America and the Korean War— 7:00 p.m..

Free. Rock Point Books. 401 Broad Street. (423) 756-2855.

Winter Artisan Open House— 4:00 p.m.. Celebrating local crafts and children activities. Crabtree Farms. 1000 E. 30th Street.

(423) 493-9155 ext.16. mbabb@ crabtreefarms.org A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Workshops and Classes Argentine Tango class— 8:00 p.m.. $5 for class/practice or $3 for practice only. Ongoing class in the elements of Argentine Tango.

Visit www.chattanoogatango.com for directions and more info. or call (423) 756-5834. Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

Etta May— 8:00 p.m.. $5 for class/practice or $3 for practice.

Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

Friday Classical All Choirs (4th-12th grade singers)— 7:30 p.m.. Cost: $11. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4111.

Bach’s Lunch Concert Seriesó12:05 p.m. Free. Grace Episcopal Church, 20 Belvoir Avenue (corner of Brainerd Rd. and Belvoir Av.) Chattanooga, TN. (423) 698-2433.

Chattanooga Girls Choir— 7:30 p.m.. $11.00. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4111.

For even more calendar listings, visit www.ChattanoogaPulse.com $10.00. Barking Legs Theater. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Holiday Market— 4:00 p.m..

Featuring the largest group of artists and craftspeople in their six years of operation. Chattanooga Market. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-9270.

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 A.M.. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 A.M..

Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Exhibition Openings Semi-Annual Ceramic Art Sale— 8:00 a.m.. Fine Arts Center on UTC Campus. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4111.

Exhibitions Emotion— 6:30 p.m.. Featuring art

by Charlie Newton, Iantha Newton, and Sarah Owens. River Gallery.

400 E. 2nd Street. 423-424-4430. candaced@chattanoogacvb.com

Events

Holiday Open House— 5:00 p.m..

Elegant Splendor. In-Town Gallery.

26 Frazier Ave. (423) 267-9214. jenniferl@chattanoogacvb.com

Chattanooga Market’s Holiday Market—12:00 P.M.. First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-4041.

Performances Opening This Week CATS— 8:00 p.m.. Memorial Auditorium. 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5042.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission.

Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

Christmas Carols—11:00 A.M..

Performed by Red Bank High School.

Chattanooga State Technical and Community College. 4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-4400.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway.

423-424-4430. candaced@ chattanoogacvb.com.

ChristmasFest Concert 2007 - One Light— 7:30 p.m.. Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church. 617 James Blvd. (423) 886-3390.

Theatre

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 AM. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968.

Concert Choir, Jazz Vocal Ensemble and the Jericho Brass Band— 7:30 p.m.. A Sunday matinee and 3 evening performances), Humanities Theatre, General Admission $10.00 (CSTCC Faculty/Staff and Students free with CSTCC ID. Chattanooga State Technical and Community College.

4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-4400.

Tango Plus— 8:00 a.m.. $5 ($3 for students). Chattanooga Dancesport.

4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

Jump on board for a Holiday cruise down the Tennessee River—12:00 PM. Southern Belle Riverboat. Southern Belle Riverboat.

800-262-0695.

Middle East Poetry Exhibit— 8:00 am. Jewish Cultural Center.

5461 North Terrace. 423-493-0270. mdzik@jcfgc.com.

North Pole Limited Adventures Aboard the TN Valley Railroad—12:00 PM. Tennessee Rail Road Valley. 4119 Cromwell Rd. 423-894-8028.

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights— 6:00 pm. Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Sea Monsters 3D—10:00 AM. IMAX 3D Theater Adults $7.95 Children ages 3-12 $5.50 Call for show times. Tennessee Aquarium.

One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

The Polar Express—10:00 AM. IMAX Theater. 201 Chestnut Street.

423-785-3007.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 AM. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Exhibition Openings Michael Wood—FATHOM GALLERY. 412 Market Street. 423-227-2652. newtonstudio@aol.com.

Material + Concept + Method— 6:00 p.m.. Featuring a sculpture and design exhibition. CreateHere Studio. 55 East Main Street.

The Nutcracker— 8:00 p.m.. $15 to $29. Tivoli Theatre. 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5048.

Comedy Vic Dunlop— 7:30 p.m.. The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Road.

(423) 629-2233.

Events A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@ cheekwood.org Appalachian Christmas— 7:00 p.m.. Featuring the Appalachian and bluegrass musicians The Morgans and Lynne Haas, The Dismembered Tennesseans, and NewFound Road. $3. Miller Plaza. 850 Market Street.

(423) 256-0771.

Chattanooga Market’s Holiday Market— 4:00 p.m.. First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-4041.

Emotion— 6:30 p.m.. River Gallery.

400 E. 2nd Street. 423-424-4430. candaced@chattanoogacvb.com Flying Fingers: the everybodyfields— 8:00 p.m..

Sanders Family Christmas— 7:30 p.m.. $12.00. The Colonnade. 264 Catoosa Circle. (706) 935-9000.

Saturday Classical All Choirs (4th-12th grade singers)— 7:30 p.m.. Cost: $11. University of Tennessee at Chattanooga. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 425-4111.

Christian Howes’ Fiddle Evolution— 9:00 p.m.. $10.00.

Barking Legs Theater. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Christmas Concert— 8:00 p.m..

Presented by Southern Adventist University Wind Symphony and Jazz Ensemble at Iles PE Center. Free.

Southern Adventist University. 5071 B Industrial Dr. (423) 236-2000.

Concert Choir, Jazz Vocal Ensemble and the Jericho Brass Band— 7:30 p.m.. A Sunday matinee and 3 evening performances), Humanities Theatre, General Admission $10.00 (CSTCC Faculty/Staff and Students free with CSTCC ID. Chattanooga State Technical and Community College.

4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-4400.

The Nutcracker—Chattanooga Ballet & the CSO. 8:00 p.m.. $15 to $29. Tivoli Theatre. 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5048.

Comedy Vic Dunlop— 7:30 a.m.. $12.00.

The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Road. (423) 629-2233.

Candlelight Home Tour— 4:00 p.m.. Historic Barnhardt Circle. 11 Barnhardt Circle. 423-902-8548.

Gingerbread Workshops!—12:00 P.M.. The cost per house is $25 for members and $30 for nonmembers.

Reservations are required. Call (423) 648-6040 or (423) 648-6045 to reserve a spot at one of these workshops! Saturday’s: 10:30 and 1:00 Sunday’s: 2:00. Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 a.m.. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Main x 24—A full day of live music and local flavors, community events, arts, and openings. Create Here.

Southside’s Main Street, Jefferson Heights, Fort Negley, and Cowart Place. 423.304.7603.

Neal McCoy— 7:00 p.m.. Georgia Mountain Fairgrounds. 1311 Music Hall Road. 706-896-4191.

Open House & Recent Works— 4:00 p.m.. Brent Sanders Studios.

2601 Broad Street (above the Grapevine). 423-320-5374.

Saturday on the Southside—12:00 P.M.. Featuring Jericho Brass. Chattanooga Market. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-9270.

Tucked in a Shell—10:30 A.M..

Learn how turtles eat, how they begin life, and how their shells help them to survive. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Winter Welcome—2:00 p.m..

Learn about wintering birds and how animas adapt to the cold while walking through the woods.

Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Theatre CATS— 8:00 p.m.. $27.50 to $45.

Memorial Auditorium. 399 McCallie Ave. (423) 757-5042.

Sander’s Family Christmas—8:00 p.m. Senior Matinee for 55 and over. $8. The Colonnade. 264 Catoosa Circle. (706) 935-9000.

Sunday Classical Applachian Christmas— 4:00 p.m.. Strings Attached band will perform. Free. Brainerd United Methodist Church. 4315 Brainerd Road. (423) 698-6951.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway.

423-424-4430. candaced@ chattanoogacvb.com.

Monday

Concert Choir, Jazz Vocal Ensemble and the Jericho Brass Band— 7:30 p.m.. A Sunday matinee and 3 evening performances), Humanities Theatre, General Admission $10.00 (CSTCC Faculty/Staff and Students free with CSTCC ID. Chattanooga State Technical and Community College.

4501 Amnicola Highway. (423) 697-4400.

Events

ChristmasFest Concert 2007 - One Light— 6:00 p.m.. Signal Mountain Presbyterian Church. 617 James Blvd. (423) 886-3390.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission.

Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

The Nutcracker—Chattanooga Ballet & the CSO. 2:00 p.m.. $15 to $29. Tivoli Theatre. 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5048.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway.

423-424-4430. candaced@ chattanoogacvb.com.

Comedy

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 AM. Hunter Museum. 10 Bluff View.

(423) 267-0968.

Vic Dunlop— 8:00 p.m.. $9.00.

The Comedy Catch. 3224 Brainerd Road. (423) 629-2233.

Events Candlelight Home Tour— 2:00 p.m.. Historic Barnhardt Circle. 11 Barnhardt Circle. 423-902-8548.

Caroling with the Fishes— 6:00 p.m.. Free for members and nonmembers using member night guest passes. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Chattanooga Market’s Annual WinterRoast Coffee Festival—12:00 P.M.. First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-4041.

Chattanooga Market’s Holiday Market—12:00 P.M.. First Tennessee Pavilion. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-4041.

A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission.

Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

Family night— 5:00 pm. Every Monday. Stone Cup. 224 Frazier Avenue.

A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Jump on board for a Holiday cruise down the Tennessee River—12:00 PM. Southern Belle Riverboat. Southern Belle Riverboat.

800-262-0695.

Middle East Poetry Exhibit— 8:00 am. Jewish Cultural Center.

5461 North Terrace. 423-493-0270. mdzik@jcfgc.com.

North Pole Limited Adventures Aboard the TN Valley Railroad—12:00 PM. Tennessee Rail Road Valley. 4119 Cromwell Rd. 423-894-8028.

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights— 6:00 pm. Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Sea Monsters 3D_—10:00 AM. IMAX 3D Theater Adults $7.95 Children ages 3-12 $5.50 Call for show times. Tennessee Aquarium.

One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

The Polar Express—10:00 AM. IMAX Theater. 201 Chestnut Street.

423-785-3007.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 AM. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: To be considered for entry in our print calendar, event information must be submitted by noon on the Wednesday before publication. Event information may be E-mailed to Calendar@ChattanoogaPulse.com, faxed to (423) 648-7860, or mailed to The Pulse, attn: Calendar, 1110 Market Street – Suite 209, Chattanooga, TN 37402. Event information will not be accepted by phone. We reserve the right to refuse any event listing for any reason.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse 12.11.07

15

(more) A&E Calendar Tuesday Concerts Cantilena & Bella Voce (4th-6th grade singers— 7:00 p.m.. Rock City Garden of Lights Cost: admission to Rock City-$14.95-adults $7.95 children ages 3-12 children ages 2 and under free. Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Christmas with Choral Arts— 7:00 p.m.. $10.00.

First-Centenary United Methodist Church. 419 McCallie Ave. (423) 756-2021.

Events Navigating the Medicare Maze— 2:00 p.m.. A community meeting to helo beneficiaries and their loved ones find out more about the new medicare options.

BlueCross BlueShield of Tennessee headquarters. 801 Pine St. (423) 535-7409. Scott_Wilson@bcbst.com Beer night— 8:00 pm. Every Tuesday. Stone Cup. 224 Frazier Avenue.

A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission. Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway. 423-424-4430. candaced@chattanoogacvb. com.

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 AM. Hunter Museum.

10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Jump on board for a Holiday cruise down the Tennessee River—12:00 PM. Southern Belle Riverboat.

Southern Belle Riverboat. 800-262-0695.

Middle East Poetry Exhibit— 8:00 am. Jewish Cultural Center. 5461 North Terrace. 423-493-0270. mdzik@ jcfgc.com.

National Golf Program for Individuals with Disabilities— 4:00 pm. City’s Brown Acres Golf Course.

406 Brown Road. 855-2680.

North Pole Limited Adventures Aboard the TN Valley Railroad—12:00 PM. Tennessee Rail Road Valley. 4119 Cromwell Rd. 423-894-8028.

Oysters & Sunsets— 5:00 pm. Every Tuesday.

The Palms at Hamilton. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@sonnenbraune.com.

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights— 6:00 pm.

Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Sea Monsters 3D—10:00 AM. IMAX 3D Theater Adults $7.95 Children ages 3-12 $5.50 Call for show times. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

The Polar Express—10:00 AM. IMAX Theater. 201 Chestnut Street. 423-785-3007.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 AM. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Wednesday Concerts

Street. (423) 756-2738.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway. 423-424-4430. candaced@chattanoogacvb. com.

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 AM. Hunter Museum.

10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Jump on board for a Holiday cruise down the Tennessee River—12:00 PM. Southern Belle Riverboat.

Southern Belle Riverboat. 800-262-0695.

Middle East Poetry Exhibit— 8:00 am. Jewish Cultural Center. 5461 North Terrace. 423-493-0270. mdzik@ jcfgc.com.

Middle Eastern Dance Class—10:30 PM. Fee $5.00 per class. Jewish Cultural Center. 5461 North Terrace.

423-493-0270. mdzik@jcfgc.com.

North Pole Limited Adventures Aboard the TN Valley Railroad—12:00 PM. Tennessee Rail Road Valley. 4119 Cromwell Rd. 423-894-8028.

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights— 6:00 pm.

Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Sea Monsters 3D—10:00 AM. IMAX 3D Theater Adults $7.95 Children ages 3-12 $5.50 Call for show times. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

The Polar Express—10:00 AM. IMAX Theater. 201 Chestnut Street. 423-785-3007.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 AM. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Thursday Events A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission. Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut Street. (423) 756-2738.

Deck the Falls—12:00 PM. Ruby Falls. 1720 Scenic Highway. 423-424-4430. candaced@chattanoogacvb. com.

Holidays at the Hunter—11:00 AM. Hunter Museum.

10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968.

Jump on board for a Holiday cruise down the Tennessee River—12:00 PM. Southern Belle Riverboat.

Southern Belle Riverboat. 800-262-0695.

Middle East Poetry Exhibit— 8:00 am. Jewish Cultural Center. 5461 North Terrace. 423-493-0270. mdzik@ jcfgc.com.

North Pole Limited Adventures Aboard the TN Valley Railroad—12:00 PM. Tennessee Rail Road Valley. 4119 Cromwell Rd. 423-894-8028.

Rock City’s Enchanted Garden of Lights— 6:00 pm.

Rock City Gardens. 1400 Patten Road. (800) 865-0675.

Sea Monsters 3D—10:00 AM. IMAX 3D Theater Adults $7.95 Children ages 3-12 $5.50 Call for show times. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

The Polar Express—10:00 AM. IMAX Theater. 201 Chestnut Street. 423-785-3007.

Jim Brickman in Concert— 7:30 p.m.. Ticket Prices: $40-50 (VIP @ $75) plus convenience fees Charge by phone (423) 642-TIXS. Tivoli Theatre. 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5048.

Tropical Holiday Adventure—10:00 AM. Tennessee Aquarium. One Broad Street. (423) 265-0698.

Events

Workshops and Classes

Gifts from the Kitchen—11:00 A.M.. a free class, teaches people how to make crafts that can be given as gifts. Materials provided. People get to take home their creations. Sign-up required. Samaritan Center. 9231 Lee Hwy. (423) 238-7777.

Study night— 8:00 pm. Every Wednesday. Stone Cup. 224 Frazier Avenue.

A Genius for Place: American Landscapes of the Country Place Era—10:00 AM. Cheekwood Botanical Garden & Museum of Art. 1200 Forrest Park Drive. (615) 356-8000. info@cheekwood.org.

Cool Wonders—10:00 AM. Free with purchase of admission. Creative Discovery Museum. 321 Chestnut

Argentine Tango class— 8:00 pm. $5 for class/ practice or $3 for practice only. Ongoing class in the elements of Argentine Tango. Visit www. chattanoogatango.com for directions and more info. or call (423) 756-5834. Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

Etta May— 8:00 pm. $5 for class/practice or $3 for practice . Chattanooga Dancesport. 4295 Cromwell Rd, Suite 512. (423) 756-5834.

Ongoing MUSEUMS AND ATTRACTIONS

Battles for Chattanooga Museum—History of the numerous battles fought in and around the Chattanooga area during the Civil War. Open daily from 9 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Adults $6.95, Children (3 to 12) $4.95, Ages 2 and under are free. 1110 East Brow Rd. (423) 821-2812.

BattlesForChattanooga.com.

Chattanooga African American Museum—Open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., Saturday from noon to 4 p.m. Adults $3, Students (K through 12) $2. 200 East Martin Luther King Blvd. (423) 266-8658. CAAMHistory. com.

Chattanooga Ghost Tours, Inc.—Walking ghost tours begin 8:15 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays (other times by arrangement) at the Walnut Street Bridge (downtown side), and end at the Read House, with several stops along the way for ghost stories and more about various downtown sites. $13 adults; $8 under 12. Call (423) 821-7125 for reservations (required).

ChattanoogaGhostTours.com.

Chattanooga Nature Center—Features hiking trails, a forest boardwalk, native gardens, and a broad display of 30 native species including endangered and threatened species. Go see the new Red Wolf pups! $7 (adults) and $4 (seniors over 65 and kids 4 to 11). 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160. ChattanoogaNatureCenter.org.

Chattanooga Regional History Museum—“The Way Ahead Looks So Dark: Chattanoogans and World War II” open now. Open weekdays from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m., Saturdays from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sundays from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Adults $4, Senior Citizens $3.50, Children (5-18) $3. 400 Chestnut St. (423) 265.3247.

ChattanoogaHistory.com.

Chattanooga Warner Park Zoo—Chattanooga’s historic zoo features an impressive collection of animals from around the world. Open daily from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Adults $4, Seniors (Ages 65 and over) $3, Children (Ages 3 to 15) $2, Kids Under Age 3 are free. 1101 McCallie Ave. (423) 697-1322. Chattanooga.gov/ PRAC/30_953.htm.

Creative Discovery Museum—Features several permanent, interactive exhibits for kids and their parents. Wal-Mart Free Family Night every second Thursday of the month from 5:30 p.m. to 8 p.m. Open Monday through Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. Closed Wednesdays.

Children and adults $8.95. 321 Chestnut St. (423) 756-2738. CDMFun.com.

Houston Museum of Decorative Arts—Featuring an exhibit highlighting tea cups with butterfly handles. Also maintains a permanent collection of glass, ceramics and antique household items and furniture. Open weekdays from 9:30 a.m. to 4 p.m. Adults $7, Children $3.50 (4 to 12), Children ages 3 and under free. 201 High St. (423) 267-7176. TheHoustonMuseum.com.

Hunter Museum of American Art—Maintains a permanent exhibit of American Art. Open Monday and Tuesday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Wednesday from noon to 5 p.m., Thursday from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m, Friday and Saturday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m., and Sunday from noon to 5 p.m. Adults $8, Children 3 through 12 $3.50. 10 Bluff View. (423) 267-0968. HunterMuseum.org.

Imax 3D Theater—Across from the Tennessee Aquarium, the six-story-high theater combines crystal clear 3D images with state-of-the-art six channel IMAX digital sound. “Dinosaurs Alive 3D,” “Sea Monsters,” and “Deep Sea 3D” now showing. Call for showtimes.

201 Chestnut St. (423) 266-4629. TNAqua.org.

International Towing and Recovery Hall of Fame and Museum—Features several antique tow and toy trucks as well as a hall of fame for towing and recovery professionals. Open Monday through Saturday from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Adults $8, Seniors $7, Children (6 through 18) $4. 3315 Broad St. (423) 267-3132. InternationalTowingMuseum. org.

Tennessee Aquarium—Featuring River Journey and Ocean Journey, home to more than 12,000 animals including fish, reptiles, amphibians, invertebrates, birds, butterflies and more. “Penguins Rock” now open.

Open daily from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. 1 Broad St. (423) 265-0698. TNAqua.org.

Tennessee Valley Railroad Museum—Regional train tours with several routes and rates available on historic passenger trains. 4119 Cromwell Rd. (423) 894-8028.

TVRail.com.

VOLUNTEER OPPORTUNITIES WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES Chat Room Outreach—Initiate conversations about HIV/AIDS in various chat rooms, with the purpose being to give factual information and answer questions. (423) 265-2273. ChattanoogaCares.org.

Chattanooga Area Food Bank Kids Café—Food preparation, sorting, stacking and customer service.

(423) 622-1800. ChattFoodBank.org/volunteer.htm.

Chattanooga Cares—Client Services, Office Support or Education/Outreach. All volunteers must attend an orientation session. (423) 265-2273. ChattanoogaCares. org/volunteers.html.

Humane Educational Society Of Chattanooga—Pet Therapy, Pet Socialization, Kennel Work, Front Office Assistance, Administrative Work, Off Site Adoptions, Grounds/Building Maintenance, Foster Home, Committee Work and Humane Education. (423) 624-5302. HESChatt.com.

Lookout Mountain CASA—Abused and neglected children need you to stand up for their rights. Interested in learning about the court system? Social Welfare?

Foster Care? Become a CASA Volunteer. (423) 255-6146. LookoutMountainCASA.org.

Reflection Riding—Join a garden restoration group on Thursday mornings from 9 a.m. to 11 a.m. for weeding and planting. Reflection Riding. 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-9582.

Ronald McDonald House—Three-hour shifts are needed at the Ronald McDonald House and Ronald McDonald Family Room as well as assistance for the Care Mobile staff on location at area schools. Groups or individuals are needed to “adopt a meal” and prepare the evening meal for all the residents of the Ronald McDonald House. Special event volunteers are also needed to help with fundraising events and other special projects for the organization. (423) 778-4300.

RMHChattanooga.com.

The Thrift Store—Benefits The Children’s Home/ Chambliss Shelter, which provides care to hundreds of children and their families every year. Assist in sorting the donations given by friends and supporters in the community. (423) 698-3730.

WORKSHOPS AND CLASSES Basketball Skills Clinic with local players Christoff and Christina Collins—Free. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Eastdale Center. 1312 Moss Drive. (423) 697-1289.

“Drop it Like it’s Hot”—Dancer-cize for women.

Washington Hills Center. 4628 Oakwood Dr. (423) 855-9471.

Health and Wellness Classes—Free. 6 p.m. on Monday. South Chattanooga Center. 1151 West 40th St. (423) 425-3550.

Kung Fu Classes for Youth—6 p.m to 7 p.m on Thursdays. 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturdays. Brainerd Complex. 1010 North Moore Rd. (423) 425-3600.

Low Impact Aerobics—6 p.m. Monday through Thursday. Carver Complex. 600 North Orchard Knob Ave. (423) 697-1284.

Open Life Drawing Studio—A twenty-five year tradition held every Tuesday night. $8 per session. 6-9 p.m. UTC Fine Arts Center. 615 McCallie Ave. (423) 265-2054.

Senior Adult Exercise Class—Free. 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. on Tuesday and Thursday. Avondale Center. 1305 Dodson Ave. (423) 697-1277.

“Walk This Way”—Family walking program. Free. 6:30 to 8 Tuesday and Thursday. North Chattanooga Center.

406 May St. (423) 757- 5447.

Yarn Works—10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Wednesday through Saturday. Call (423) 785-4215 for class schedule.

YarnWorksInc.com.

Youth Swimming Lessons—Free. 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. on Thursdays. Avondale Center. 1305 Dodson Ave. (423) 697-1277.

Got a Comment? Wanna be heard? Post your feedback on chattanoogapulse.com. Chattanooga is listening.

16

The Pulse 12.11.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Music

By Hellcat

Cabin, the Chattanooga Sleeper . . . and, what the hell?!

If you haven’t heard of Cabin, put this paper down immediately and go check them out. You can find them on www.myspace.com/cabin. I’ll give you a minute.

Done? See? Now you know what I am talking about. These guys are amazing. As you may well know, I interviewed them a few weeks ago before they stopped in this past weekend for a show at Midtown. Considering that these guys have been on tour since I first saw them back in August, and they were traveling Thursday the night before the show, they kindly called and asked if I could put them up for the night. If you have met me, then you know that my house is basically the crash pad for many traveling bands, and if you haven’t met me, then rest assured one of your favorite bands has slumbered on my wooden floors. My response was, “Sure, and not only that, but how about a sneak-a-peek show at the Tremont Tavern, as well?” Excellent.

Thursday night they played a calm and quiet show at the Tremont Tavern,

. . . this question has been on the lips of many a musician and venue owner: “What does it take to get people out of their houses?”

photo by Brent Dedas

Four to a Cabin. And they rock.

where their vast amount of musical equipment required some rather creative placement, (not to mention a few minor adjustments to couch placement). I was worried about the size of the place and the possibility that we might deafen some innocent patron just looking to mark a beer off of the tavern beer list.

No complaints were heard, however. In fact, their melodic and entrancing sound brought people in off the street.

Considering it was a secret preview show, put together at the last minute

by Dustin and me, the promotion for it consisted of me text messaging some friends. The few people that heard them became instant fans and have since stopped me to find out where they can hear more.

Cabin is tight. By tight, I mean, they

play tight, their sound is tight, and after this weekend a few more people know it. They sound completely original and yet completely familiar. It’s warm. It’s relatable. It can easily be rocked to, and refuses to fall to the background as white noise. The owner of Tremont, Dustin, was blown away. We’re going to have them back down, so fear not. Your chance to see them has not been missed entirely.

Friday night was a different story. This show was loud, rocking, and begging to deafen some people.

However, the great mystery here is where were the people to deafen? Unlike Thursday, this show was promoted by radio, posters, interviews, ads, and a preview show, the works. Leticia Wolf and Dixie Dirt are well known in

set to achingly beautiful melodies. $10 in advance/$12 at the door. Barking Legs Theater. Friday. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Appalachian Christmas—A bluegrass holiday concert featuring local favorites The Morgans and Lynne Haas and The Dismembered Tennesseans. Headliner is NewFound Road—$3 (children 10 and under for free). Friday. Miller Plaza. 850 Market Street. (423) 256-0771.

MUSIC PICKS

Flying Fingers: the everybodyfields— The front-runners of the newest generation of the alt-country movement, this Johsnon City-based duo offers melancholic interpretations of universal human stories

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Jimmy Hall of Wet Willie and Friends— Hall has shared the studio and stage with artists such as The Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, Jeff Beck Group and Grand Funk Railroad. $12. 9:30 p.m. Saturday.

Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 276-4644.

The Pulse 12.11.07

these parts. They generally bring out a crowd on their own, so I figured massive promotion, would bring out plenty of folks to witness Cabin. Wrong. The show was poorly attended, boasting a paltry 100, at best, that came in surges of 30 at a time, and on a Friday night. I have had bigger parties.

The music was amazing. The performers did more than their job, but where was Chattanooga? Granted, I know that we were up against Up With the Joneses at JJ’s Bohemia, and apparently there were some happenings at Barking Legs and Lamar’s, but there are always competing shows, so that can’t be it. Why does this little town refuse to support local music? Why? Or traveling bands for that matter?

Why is it that if a cover band were to have played that night at Midtown, the place would be wall to wall? Yet, Leticia Wolf, Dixie Dirt, and Cabin, which compile a good percentage of my favorite acts, under one roof, get ignored? This is a perplexing thing to me. Do you just want something to sing along to, Chattanooga? Or, is it merely that the fans of cover bands are the only people that can afford to pay the door and buy a drink?

It is not only I who want to know this, this question has been on the lips of many a musician and venue owner: What does it take to get people out of their houses? Is there such a thing as a venue being too big to be supported by the lackluster music scene? Or is it, in fact, due to the specific venue loyalties and snobby scenester elitism that keeps what little music scene we have here segregated?

I am curious for more than a few reasons. One of those being because I love music and want to see it flourish, as well as the local business that such a success would feed. I also have a hand in some show promoting from time to time and am befuddled by the fickle response of this city. But most of all, to my fellow Chattanooga music lovers, I pose a question. Do you realize that if we don’t all get out and support local music and local business, then soon enough even the possibility of a scene will wither up, and we will lose the ability to bring in music worth a damn, as well as the venues that would host them? If so, congrats on your soon-tobe victory.

17

The Scene Queen

By Leticia Wolf

The Three Saddest Words Bombadil poses a ponderous question-Channing Wilson has all the answers What are the three saddest words in the English language? Thursday night at J.J.’s a theatrical band called Bombadil posed the question. I’ve spent the rest of the weekend trying to answer it. I’ve never really been one for puzzles. My mind works like Jeopardy. I like to see/hear the solution or answer and come by the process on my own. I don’t like to be shown a path—I prefer to wander to the destination.

I was executing a pretty little vehicular violation on Market Street when I saw Channing Wilson heading into Buck Wild with his guitar.

Wednesday night my destination was unknown, but the path to it was littered with flyers for the Dixie Dirt show. Hellcat and I were on a mission that night to get those posters up in every bar and on every pole we saw. As we wound our way back and forth over the river and through the woods, to many bars we did go.

I swerved my little Scion xB across four lanes of traffic and pulled illegal u-turns several times to get the prime parking spots. I was executing a pretty little vehicular violation on Market Street when I saw Channing Wilson heading into Buck Wild with his guitar. We walked in to say, “hi,” left a flyer, and promised to return to see him play at the end of our promotional mission.

Since Wednesday night was spent promoting and hanging with an old favorite, I really wanted to catch something I hadn’t heard the next night. Thursday I headed down to J.J.’s to check out Bombadil from North Carolina.

I heard that they were a little like J. Roddy and The Business, which is one of my alltime favorites, so I thought I’d probably like Bombadil, as well.

As I sat in my band-watching spot at J.J.’s, (the end of the bar two feet from the stage and directly across from the beer supply) I was amazed by how young Bombadil was. I’m starting to think that a lot of bands look really young. So then I think—is it just that I am old now? Kind of like how when I was a teenager I thought Wal-Mart clothes were so tacky and awful, and now when I’m in Wal-Mart I think, “Man, they are really starting to get some cute stuff in here.”

So, I was thinking about how old I was when Bombadil asked the audience to ponder what the three saddest words in the English language might be. “Old obsolete musician,” popped in my head, but I was sure that was incorrect.

I listened intently to get the answer in their next song, which was inspired by the question.

18

The Pulse 12.11.07

Unfortunately, I didn’t understand one lyric from the entire song. Shit! I need to know what the three saddest words are! I’m going to freak out!

Other than the fact that I couldn’t understand a lot of what the vocalists were singing, the set was cool. The guys all sang, which is always a big plus for me, and the songs were wellconstructed, fun stories about nautical folklore, obnoxious girls, and the deeper meanings of life. The guys were extremely animated as they rocked through two sets of diverse music ranging from circus-rock to indie ballad.

Bombadil was a great band, but I thought about the three saddest words more than I thought about their show as I headed home. I wish I had asked them. Oh well. I would ask around. Maybe it’s better that I just come up with my own and let everyone else create their own “three saddest words.”

Friday night was the show at Midtown that I played with Dixie Dirt and Cabin. I think Hellcat will probably review it, so I’ll spare you the details, except to say that the three saddest words of that night were “No Crown Royal.”

Saturday night I played at Rhythm and Brews with Old Man. It’s a Neil Young tribute band, and I play the part of “female back-up singer.”

Old Man is fronted by Mike McDade, who seems to look more and more like Neil Young every show. If you are a big Neil Young fan like I am, this band is totally a safe bet. They take the music very seriously, but they have a lot of fun on stage and really get the audience involved. They even share fun Neil Young facts throughout the show. What started as friends getting together to enjoy Neil Young music has really turned into a full-fledged tribute show on par with look-alikes such as Zoso and Appetite for Destruction. Although their fanbase hasn’t grown to that size, I think, in time, they will have many loyal followers. Hey…they are already friends with Neil on MySpace, and they are on messaging terms!

Speaking of MySpace I had a great talk that night with Brad Passons, singer-songwriter, about the impact that MySpace has on the careers of aspiring musicians and the labels that are signing them. He’s really in-the-know about what kind of deals people are getting and from what labels. Even though getting thousands of plays on your MySpace player is not a guarantee of success, it definitely doesn’t hurt, and new artists like Colbie Callait (who had 100,000 a day) are proving that.

As for me, I can’t believe that 100 people want to hear the song “Bubbly,” but that’s just my dark cloud over Colbie’s sunny, happy view. She actually seems like a really nice, down-to-earth chick, but I just can’t take that Jack-Johnson-sitting-on-the-beach-in-perfectharmony vibe. There’s an epidemic of happy music, and I don’t love it. In fact, I pretty much hate it, and it inspires me to think of three more sad words: “Sunny is money.” And therein lies another puzzle. Colbie Callait is rich. I see the outcome, but I just can’t divine the process.

Maybe I need Brad to explain it to me again.

Leticia Wolf is a local hair stylist and musician. You can E-mail her at Tishmo21@ msn.com or be her friend at MySpace.com/ ViciousTish.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

New Music Punk rockers, old and new, can get their literary fix in four terrific new books that revel in the spirit, the lifestyle and the humor of banging the drum their own way.

No, it’s not a sex confessional, but the spurts and snorts of My First Time are just as charged with sweaty adolescent discovery. Originally conceived as a smallrun fanzine and now expanded into a full book from the AK Press, editor Chris Duncan invited over 40 rock writers, artists, band members and fans to share their first Punk show stories. Not just recollections of the concerts themselves, each tale is more the story of where the author was in life at that time, the cultural and social zeitgeist, and the oftenhilarious anecdotes of getting to that very first show. I sniffle a bit verklempt myself, remembering the cyclone energy of catching D.O.A. at The Pit in 1979 or 1980 (?), a disco basement dive decorated with chain-link fence (how punk!) and the burning embers of Socialist newspaper propaganda set on fire and thrown about the darkness while all hell broke loose, sort of a teenage ride down the pyrotechnic river of Apocalypse Now. Highlights include passages by Jack Rabid, Blag Dahlia, Jade Tree Records’ co-founder Darren Walters, Joe Queer of The Queers, and scene historian George Hurchalla…

Proving that things really don’t change from ’77 to ’07, a new “coffee table” tome salutes the squalid, freeform style of lorent or (no-rent) punk living quarters in Punk House from the publishers at Abrams Image. Boasting an introduction by Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore, who certainly

By John M. James crashed out at many a punk house in his early touring days, photographer Abby Banks documents the anarchist love shacks found on the wrong side of the tracks in towns like Seattle, Olympia, Minneapolis, Cleveland, and Bloomington. Festering in enough weeds, band stickers, dirty dishes, and impromptu paint jobs to make Martha Stewart cry, the residences and makeshift studios harken back for many of us to the days when we weren’t what we possess, and sharing well with others was more than just a note on your permanent school record…

Hot off her co-authorship of the New York Times number one bestseller The Book of Lists, Amy Wallace has teamed up with the legendary Dictators’ frontman, Handsome Dick Manitoba, for the can’tput-it-down Official Punk Rock Book of Lists. From the unbelievable (but true) to the outrageously silly, if you think you know it all, prepare to be schooled. From the list of 108 sub-genres in Punk to Jon Spencer’s 14 foods to avoid while on tour, there’s a kick and a gob on every page, smartly illustrated by talented caricature artist Cliff Mott. I laughed out loud at the memorable quotes from the 1982 episode of Quincy, M.E. entitled “Next Stop Nowhere” and other punk television oddities like the Bosom Buddies double date with Andrea Pus and Beki Bondage, and Mott’s spot-on drawings of Jello Biafra jetting off with a bag of Dead Kennedys’ cash and Tony Soprano and Paulie Walnuts as New Jersey Hardcore punks. (Can you name the 14 punk rock classics that have graced The Sopranos?) Other gems include The Plasmatics’ five favorite acts of onstage

destruction, items stolen by stick-fingered Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols, and how 33 Punk bands got their names…

Sure to rip the stocking from the wall at five hefty pounds, Holly GeorgeWarren has collected a page-a-day year’s worth of punk history and its most beloved (and lost) icons in Punk 365, also on the Abrams imprint. Gorgeously illustrated with candid photographs that capture the innocence and the majesty of the everyman’s DIY movement, these backstage, back alley and sweaty moments in time serve as a chilling reminder of just how boring it’s all become. Reaching back to the seeds sewn by The MC5, Captain Beefheart, and the Velvet Underground and up through the heady late 1980s, each daily nugget of Punk history blasts off the page like a beautiful, dangerous, unruly child. Be prepared to fall back and writhe on the grimy cobblestones of memory lane, even for the most knowledgeable student of music, as I couldn’t find a handful of shots I’d ever seen before. Highly, highly recommended for gift giving to others - or to one’s self…

Television Alert: As the writers strike continues to dry up late night, Tavis Smiley presents Wyclef Jean this evening And Last Call with Last Call with Carson Daly hosts OneRepublic this evening and Gym Class Heroes on Thursday overnight.

New Releases Coming Tuesday, Dec. 11: and like the winds, young grasshopper, are subject to change...

Meredith Bragg – Silver Sonya (Kora Records) new sparse solo tracks named for the studio it was recorded in Buckethead - Acoustic Shards (Avabella) rare acoustic guitar sessions from 1991 Cheyenne – The Whale (Cheyanne Songs) featuring new guitarist Josh Harper Cocoa Tea – Biological Warfare (Minor 7 Flat 5 Records / Groove Attack) all new thinking man Rastafarian delights from the Jamaican star who debuted in 1974 at the age of 14 Counting Crows – August and Everything After (Geffen) exclusively available only at Circuit City Dwarves - Dwarves Limited 10” (MVD Audio) split single featuring live radio sessions from 2004 and vocalist Blag Dahlia covering The Ramones’ “The KKK Took My Baby Away” and AC/DC’s “Big Balls” The Great Debaters – original motion picture soundtrack (Atlantic) featuring music by Alvin Youngblood Hart, Sharon Jones, and David Berger & The Sultans of Swing

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Hi-Tek – Hi-Teknology (Babygrande / Koch) with guests Little Brother,Talib Kweli, Raekwon, and Ghostface Jools Holland – Best of Friends (WEA) with special guests Prince Buster, Tom Jones, Lulu, Norah Jones, KT Tunstall, India.Arie, Mica Paris, David Gilmour, Chrissie Hynde, Madness’ Suggs, Solomon Burke, and Eric Clapton LCD Soundsystem – Confuse the Marketplace (DFA) three-song 12” single featuring a Onastic Dub mix of “North American Scum” Dave Matthews Band – Live at Piedmont Park (Bama Rags / RCA) CD and DVD set recorded this past September in Atlanta, with guests Warren Haynes and Gregg Allman Wu-Tang Clan – 8 Diagrams (Loud / Universal) with guests System of a Down bassist Shavo Odadjian, George Clinton, and John Frusciante, the long awaited return features George Harrison’s son Dhani in a reinterpretation of his father’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps” Youth Without Youth – original motion picture soundtrack (Deutsche Grammaphon) Francis Ford Coppola’s latest film, featuring a score by Argentine composer Osvaldo Golijov

The Pulse 12.11.07

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Live Music Listings

Check with venues for show times and ticket prices.For even more calendar listings, visit ChattanoogaPulse.com

Thursday

Saturday

Tuesday

Clubs/DJ/Dance

Clubs/DJ/Dance

Clubs/DJ/Dance

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. (423) 893-9408.

DJ Steven G—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

Service Industry Night—Images. 6005 Lee Highway.

855-8210.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms at Hamilton.

6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@ sonnenbraune.com

DJ Ligaya—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 622-1980.

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. (423) 893-9408.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Highway. 855-8210.

Mixmaster Danny Williams—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms at Hamilton.

6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@ sonnenbraune.com

College Night—Chattanooga Food and Drink. 5647 Brainerd Road. (423) 553-6645.

DJ Gruv and DJ Wish—The Local. 231 E. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. (423) 265-2171.

DJ X’PhakDer—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

Shaganooga Dancers—Ari’s Lake Shore Restaurant and Lounge. 5600 Lake Resort Terrace. (423) 870-5734.

Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms at Hamilton. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@sonnenbraune.com

Karaoke

Bourbon St. Music Bar—Bourbon Street Music Bar. 2000 east 23rd Street. (423) 697-9957. bourbonstreet@aol.com Double Hill Billiard Club—Double Hill Billiard Club and Sports Bar. 1966 Northpoint Blvd. (423) 875-8760.

Legends Bar and Grill—Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. (423) 843-2695.

The Big Chill—The Big Chill. 427 Market Street. (423) 267-2445.

Karaoke Amigo’s—Amigo’s. 5450 Highway 153. (423) 875-8049.

Bourbon St. Music Bar—Bourbon Street Music Bar. 2000 east 23rd Street. (423) 697-9957. bourbonstreet@aol.com Buffalo Wild Wings—Buffalo Wild Wings. 507 Broad Street. 752-9464.

Chaps Bar and Grill—Chaps Bar and Grill. 2819 Cummings Hwy. pjust@chattanoogapulse.com Patrick’s—Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Highway. (423) 821-4703.

Red Lantern—Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut Street.

(423) 757-4730.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Steel Horse Saloon—Steel Horse Saloon Inc. 4431 Highway 58. (423) 855-1818.

Striker’s Lounge—Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Road. (423) 899-2695.

Live Music All the Saints—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Leticia Wolf—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 276-4644. rob@rhythm-brews.com Music Night—Stone Cup. 224 Frazier Avenue.

Ryan Bingham with Marty Bohannon—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 276-4644. rob@rhythmbrews.com

Open Mic The Local—The Local. 231 E. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. (423) 265-2171.

Friday Clubs/DJ/Dance DJ Ligaya—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 622-1980.

DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. (423) 893-9408.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Highway. 855-8210.

Ladies Night—Chattanooga Food and Drink. 5647 Brainerd Road. (423) 553-6645.

Pajama Dance Party featuring DJ Vixon—Club Fathom. 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

Spinning King Dj Gene—The Palms at Hamilton. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@sonnenbraune. com TGIF Dance Party—The Palms at Hamilton. 6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@sonnenbraune. com

Karaoke AMF Tristate—AMF Tri-State Lanes. 3636 Ringgold Road.

Bourbon St. Music Bar—Bourbon Street Music Bar. 2000 east 23rd Street. (423) 697-9957. bourbonstreet@aol.com FANatics—Fanatics. 7601 E Brainerd Rd. 423-894-2524.

Legends Bar and Grill—Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. (423) 843-2695.

Patrick’s—Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Highway. (423) 821-4703.

Red Lantern—Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut Street.

(423) 757-4730.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

The Sports Page—The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Road. (423) 855-2100.

Live Music Downstream—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Avenue.

Flying Fingers: the everybodyfields—Barking Legs Theater. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Ghostfinger and Glossary—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Seven Under Suicide, Dequelo, and Romanticide— Ziggy’s. 607 1/2 Cherokee Blvd. (423) 267-6688.

Slippery When Wet: A Tribute to Bon Jovi—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 276-4644. rob@ rhythm-brews.com The Morgans and Lynne Haas, The Dismembered Tennesseans, and NewFound Road—Miller Plaza. 850 Market Street. (423) 256-0771.

AMF Tristate—AMF Tri-State Lanes. 3636 Ringgold Road.

Bourbon St. Music Bar—Bourbon Street Music Bar. 2000 east 23rd Street. (423) 697-9957. bourbonstreet@aol.com Bud’s Sports Bar—Bud’s Sports Bar. 5914 Lee Highway. (423) 499-9878.

DJ Ethicoalo—Club Fathom. 412 Market St. (423) 757-0019.

FANatics—Fanatics. 7601 E Brainerd Rd. 423-894-2524.

Fireside Lounge—Fireside Lounge. 4021 Hixson Pike.

423-870-7078.

Gene’s Bar & Grill—724 Ashland Terrace. (423) 870-0880.

Legends Bar and Grill—Legends Bar and Grill. 5530 Hixson Pike. (423) 843-2695.

Los Compadres—Los Compadres. 5773 Brainerd Road.

(423) 296-8141.

Patrick’s—Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Highway. (423) 821-4703.

Red Lantern—Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut Street.

(423) 757-4730.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Striker’s Lounge—Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Road. (423) 899-2695.

The Sports Page—The Sports Page. 8182 E. Brainerd Road. (423) 855-2100.

Karaoke

Live Music Charles Allison, Paul Bank, and Quote—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Open Mic Tremont Tavern—Tremont Tavern. 1203 Hixson Pike.

423-266-1996.

Wednesday Clubs/DJ/Dance DJ Spicoli—Scooter’s Bar & Grill. 6002 Lee Highway.

(423) 855-8929.

Ladies Night—Electric Cowboy. 5600 Brainerd Rd # A4.

(423) 499-1995.

Retro Night with Mixmaster Danny Williams—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms at Hamilton.

6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@ sonnenbraune.com

Live Music

Karaoke

Christian Howes’ Fiddle Evolution—Barking Legs Theater. 1307 Dodds Ave. (423) 624-5347.

Corleone and Static—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Avenue.

How I Became the Bomb and Waxfang—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Jimmy Hall of Wet Willie and Friends—Rhythm and Brews. 221 Market St. (423) 276-4644. rob@rhythmbrews.com Neal McCoy—Georgia Mountain Fairgrounds. 1311 Music Hall Road. 706-896-4191.

Vegas, What Lies Beneath, Grizzly Mountain Boys, and Lioplurodon—FATHOM GALLERY. 412 Market Street. 423-227-2652. newtonstudio@aol.com

Dead and Undead Rockstar Karoke—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Red Lantern—Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut Street.

(423) 757-4730.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Steel Horse Saloon—Steel Horse Saloon Inc. 4431 Highway 58. (423) 855-1818.

Live Music Husky Burnette—Market Street Tavern. 850 Market Street. (423) 634-0260.

Michael Lawrence and Tiffany Taylor—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

Sunday Clubs/DJ/Dance College Night—Electric Cowboy. 5600 Brainerd Rd # A4. (423) 499-1995.

Female Impersonation and Male Revue—Images.

6005 Lee Highway. 855-8210.

Industry Night—Midtown Music Hall. 820 Georgia Avenue.

Karaoke Club Phoenix—Club Phoenix. 4251 Bonny Oaks Dr. 622-1980.

J.J.’s Bohemia—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Live Music Hidden Spots, Fixins, and Halo Fauna—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Uptown Band—Chattanooga Market. 1826 Carter Street. (423) 266-9270.

Monday Clubs/DJ/Dance DJ Spicoli—Scooter’s Bar & Grill. 6002 Lee Highway.

(423) 855-8929.

Karaoke Fireside Lounge—Fireside Lounge. 4021 Hixson Pike.

423-870-7078.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

The Mix—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

Open Mic Open Mic with Matt Bohannon—JJ’S BOHEMIA. 231 MLK BLVD. (423) 266-1400.

Thursday Clubs/DJ/Dance DJ Spicoli—Buck Wild Saloon. 409 Market St. (423) 893-9408.

DJ Steven G—The Mix. 405 Market Street. 266-3662.

Service Industry Night—Images. 6005 Lee Highway.

855-8210.

The Spinning King DJ Gene—The Palms at Hamilton.

6925 Shallowford Rd. 423-667-6473. rlgray@ sonnenbraune.com

Karaoke Amigo’s—Amigo’s. 5450 Highway 153. (423) 875-8049.

Bourbon St. Music Bar—Bourbon Street Music Bar. 2000 east 23rd Street. (423) 697-9957. bourbonstreet@aol.com Buffalo Wild Wings—Buffalo Wild Wings. 507 Broad Street. 752-9464.

Chaps Bar and Grill—Chaps Bar and Grill. 2819 Cummings Hwy. pjust@chattanoogapulse.com Patrick’s—Patrick’s. 4119 Cummings Highway. (423) 821-4703.

Red Lantern—Red Lantern. 1301 Chestnut Street.

(423) 757-4730.

Rob’s—Rob’s. 5308 Dayton Blvd. 875-6164.

Steel Horse Saloon—Steel Horse Saloon Inc. 4431 Highway 58. (423) 855-1818.

Striker’s Lounge—Striker’s Lounge. 5518 Brainerd Road. (423) 899-2695.

Open Mic The Local—The Local. 231 E. Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. (423) 265-2171.

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES: Submission Guidelines: To be considered for entry in our print music listings, event information must be submitted by noon on the Wednesday before publication.

Event information may be E-mailed to Calendar@ChattanoogaPulse.com, faxed to (423) 648-7860, or mailed to The Pulse, attn: Calendar, 1110 Market St – Suite 209, Chattanooga, TN 37402.

Event information will not be accepted by phone. We reserve the right to refuse any event listing for any reason.

20

The Pulse 12.11.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Music Reviews Daft Punk Alive 2007 (Virgin)

Bodies of Water Ears Will Pop & Eyes Will Blink (Thousand Tongues) If you encounter a stranger walking around with a gigantic smile on his face, you might be comforted and even encouraged by his cheerful demeanor.

Or, you might be suspicious and think to yourself, “What is this joker up to?”

If you belong to the second camp, you might not enjoy the Los Angeles group Bodies of Water. They’re fully competent musicians; however, like a grade school chorus, the two men and two women don’t exactly have a refined singing style, making up for it with enthusiasm and volume, and yes, everybody sings, regularly at once.

Various words and phrases stick out in the striking opener, “Our Friends Appear Like the Dawn,” citing animals like sheep, boars, and locusts, and the listener quickly realizes that it’s a markedly Christian song, when the band sings, “All you need is your throat and mine to lift noise up to God.” Not only that, it’s a Christian song about the apocalypse. Comparisons to Danielson, that irrepressible Christian pop band, are inevitable, and the pathologically gleeful, multi-voiced The Polyphonic Spree also comes to mind. Certain songs have a spaghetti western feel to them, evoking a smidgeon of Calexico, and despite the ominous drama of tracks like “It Moves,” the band seems to be smirking through the ostensible thematic gravity, especially when they strain to sing the high notes and don’t nail them exactly.

One strength is the band’s ability to construct twisty arrangements, and instead of straightforward pop hooks, their approach is more like a series of sparks. The drumming is economical; the horn and string flourishes are nice touches, and the performances are solid.

But despite some moments that drag, what truly propels the album is the playfulness and spirited singing. The hour-long excursion could stand to be tighter, but as is, this debut has more than a few worthwhile tracks for those with a tolerance for preciousness.

Although pop artist Andy Warhol had a close connection with the Velvet Underground, a band closer to him in spirit and concept would be the French electronic duo Daft Punk; both were popular (and intentionally so), understood the effective use of repetition, and flaunted appropriation.

However, unlike Warhol, Daft Punk doesn’t exactly embrace fame, veiling itself in mystery and performing in face-concealing robot/astronaut costumes like a cross between Kraftwerk and the Residents.

One of their recent ventures into the public eye comprises the concert album Alive 2007, which was recorded at a hometown Paris show this past June.

It’s obvious that a recording can’t fully capture a live performance, but Alive 2007 sounds like a relatively honest document; it’s not an immaculate recording, as one can hear muffled EQ bands and a fair amount of cheers and audience applause between tracks.

The band’s excellent and addictive 2001 album, Discovery, was largely comprised of attention-grabbing ear candy built up from carefully selected ‘70s and ‘80s samples. On Alive 2007, the source material is now the band’s own tracks, as they fold their composites into meta-composites, like a skillful turntablist might do.

Elements such as heavily processed robot vocals, weighty beats, and envelope-filtered synths from “Around the World” off 1997’s Homework and “Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger” are overlaid; “Superheroes” is paired with “Human After All,” “One More Time” with “Aerodynamic,” and so on.

While the transitions and mixing are all executed well and the album is good for what it is, the end result is not particularly revelatory and hardly essential. When listening to this album, I’d periodically slap on Discovery and Homework for reference, and I’d find myself not wanting to return to Alive 2007, preferring the clarity and punch of their studio albums. Especially considering that three of their last four albums have been either compilations or remix albums, this new re-imagining of their material has a slight whiff of excess. Come to think of it—Warhol, who made art films that were as long as eight hours, knew a thing or two about excess.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

-Ernie Paik

-Ernie Paik

www.chattanoogapulse.com

The Pulse 12.11.07

21

Prodigal Eye

For those awake enough to rock - We salute you.

Photo by Ryan Camp

Up with the Joneses rocks the crowd at J.J.’s Bohemia well into the morning hours.

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The Pulse 12.11.07

www.chattanoogapulse.com

DVD Review

By Bertram Brandt Film Critic

O TannenBaumbach Give yourself the gift of an independent film The holiday season always rings in a bumper crop of blockbuster hopefuls.

As usual, these offerings lean heavily toward special effects extravaganzas and children’s fare. These releases pile up at the end of the year like a gleaming heap of gifts beneath a Christmas tree.

Unfortunately, the seductive promise of holiday season film releases often yields more preview appeal than substance. As we tear into these cinematic gifts, we often realize that the anticipation was better than what is actually on screen. Much of this seasonal fare will be forgotten ten minutes after the credits roll.

I never begrudge Hollywood a fast buck, but if you’re yearning for something completely different, it may be time to check out some DVD releases by independent filmmaker Noah Baumbach.

That’s the first of many quotable lines I found myself repeating and varying to fit the situation in the days after seeing the film for the first time, “if you know what I mean.”

He is perhaps best known for The Squid in the Whale (2005), which enjoyed a run at the Carmike Bijou.

Baumbach’s latest film, Margot at the Wedding (November 2007), has yet to make a similar appearance though we can hope. In the meantime, consider checking out Kicking and Screaming (1995), the film that first established Baumbach as a director to watch.

Kicking and Screaming is a comedy about a group of college friends struggling to find their way into adult life after graduating. The humor of this hilarious film arises from both witty utterances about nearly nothing and seriously intended, profound-sounding

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inanities.

The story begins at a pre-graduation reception. The very first line sets the tone for the film. As one of the main characters passes through the crowd, a random student declares sagely, “I think violence is always justified some of the time.”

That’s the first of many quotable lines I found myself repeating and varying to fit the situation in the days after seeing the film for the first time, “if you know what I mean.”

During the course of the party, we meet Grover (Josh Hamilton) and his circle of friends. None of them have a clue about what to do next except of course Grover’s girlfriend, Jane (Olivia d’Abo).

She reveals that she has accepted a fellowship in Prague and hopes Grover will go with her. Grover turns her down, but the remainder of the film balances on whether he will definitely turn his back on Jane, who offers him the first adult relationship of his life.

The party scene concludes as Grover and friends take turns answering the question, “What’s the worst thing that could happen after graduation?” This query is a variation on a game the friends play constantly, and though they offer many amusing responses, the fear that looms over all of them is that nothing will happen.

The rest of the movie focuses on the listless activities Grover and friends engage in during the months following graduation. They continue to hang out at their college haunts and keep up their ceaseless verbal repartee.

One almost leaves to attend graduate school but decides to delay

his enrollment because he can’t stand the thought of being in another time zone. Another decides to take more undergraduate classes.

As summer turns into the next school year, one of them voices the concern that “One more bad summer” just might turn into the rest of his life.

Though all of them clearly share this worry, none of them seems to know what to do about it. Grover refuses to return messages from Jane in which she invites him to join her in Prague.

Instead, he finds himself attending dorm gatherings among younger people, who bore him, and sleeping with freshmen girls, which seems pathetic even to him.

These scenes are mixed with infrequent but significant flashbacks to the beginning of his relationship with Jane. As this back-story unfolds we achieve greater insight into Grover’s actions (and inactions) as he approaches his great point of decision.

Performances by Josh Hamilton as Grover and other little-known actors as his friends are excellent, but Eric Stoltz as a perennial student named

The Pulse 12.11.07

Chet and Olivia d’Abo as Jane really steal the show in their too infrequent appearances on camera.

The structure Baumbach employs in his excellent screenplay is creative without being excruciatingly arty. The dialogue is realistic enough to ring eerily familiar to anyone who has traveled in collegiate circles. I found myself laughing out loud frequently, but the film offers real substance, too.

The ending is definite enough to be satisfying without being pat. You’ll find plenty to discuss with fellow viewers after the fact.

Other early releases by Baumbach include Mr. Jealousy (1998) and Highball (2000), which he disavowed.

So if you find yourself dreading another explosion-laden spectacular or schmaltzy, kid-focused film, give yourself the gift of independent film this holiday by treating yourself to a Noah Baumbach home film festival with friends.

Kicking and Screaming Image Entertainment, Inc. Directed by Noah Baumbach Starring: Eric Stoltz, Olivia d’Abo, Chris Eigeman, Josh Hamilton, Parker Posey, Elliott Gould R, 96 minutes

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A select listing of films playing in Chattanooga-area theaters. Films are subject to change. Check with theaters for complete listings and showtimes.

OPENS THIS WEEK Awake (R) Don’t you just hate it when the anesthesiologist doesn’t do his job right? Clay does. He goes through surgery completely conscious, feeling each cut the surgeon makes. Don’t watch this if you’ve got surgery scheduled soon.

reunite his long-separated parents.

At least Jonathan Rhys-Meyers and Terrence Howard are there to try to offset the wildly mugging, ham shenanigans of Williams. And Keri Russell!

The Golden Compass (PG-13) A 12-year-old girl tries to save a kidnapped friend and winds up on a journey to save her world. Apparently, fighting polar bears are involved.

NOW SHOWING American Gangster (R) It’s Denzel vs. Russell in this Ridley Scott-helmed take on the true story of Frank Lucas, drug trafficker and FBI informant. Expect lots and lots of shooting and probably some long speeches.

Bee Movie (PG) Seinfeld makes his triumphant return to our lives with a children’s movie about a bee fresh out of bee college.

Recommended for anyone, anywhere who likes laughing.

August Rush (PG) Why, oh why, must Robin Williams continue to make movies? In yet ANOTHER rehash of the Dead Poets character, he stars in this “uplifting” movie about an illegimiate child prodigy who uses music to try to

Beowulf (PG-13) Yet another labrious adaptation of the first great English-language literary work. This time, Robert Zemeckis helms a quasi-animated take on the hero’s battles with the forces of evil.

Angelina Jolie puts in a turn as the oddly seductive mother of Grendel.

I suppose people will never stop adapting the unadaptable...

Enchanted (PG) A fairy-tale princess is banished from her magical world by an evil sorceress and finds herself in the less-than-idyllic Manhattan. The fairy-tale world seems very far away, however, when she begins to fall for a divorce lawyer and learns maybe there’s more to happily ever after than she thought.

Fred Claus (PG) The lowlife brother of Santa Claus, a repo man portrayed by Americaís loser laureate Vince Vaughn, comes home to roost after running out of money. St. Nick tries to help his hapless bro get back on track as the pair struggle to keep the North Pole open. A soulless holiday exercise, perhaps, but at least Tim Allen isnít involved.

Hitman (R) Timothy Olyphant of “Deadwood” and Live Free or Die Hard fame stars

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The Pulse 12.11.07

as Agent 47, a mysterious government killer who gets ensnared in a massive political conspiracy. Film adaptations of video games rarely live up to their source material, but maybe this time...

Lions For Lambs (R) Here’s this season’s holier-thanthou political thriller. In this one, two university students follow the inspiration of their idealistic professor and attempt to do something important with their lives. So they go to Afghanistan to fight. Meanwhile, in Washington D.C. a senator is about to give a hot scoop to a TV journalist that may affect the two kids in Afghanistan.

The Mist (R) Adapted from a Stephen King story, this is the chilling tale of a group of survivors in a small town under attack from a cryptic enemy shrouded in clouds of mist. As their society breaks down, they battle both each other and the hidden monsters. Seriously, is no one but me concerned about the postHalloween horror film trend?!?

Mr. Magoriumís Wonder Emporium (G) A holiday enjoyment for the whole family. Dustin Hoffman plays the owner of a magical toy store that begins to rebel against the accountant (played by Jason Bateman) who threatens to close it down. Natalie Portman stars as the apprentice toy-store owner who tries to open Batemanís eyes to the magic.

No Country for Old Men (R) This isn’t a “who-dunnit” or even a “why-dunnit,” but a mystery more powerful in the examining than the solving. This is about the experience of dealing with violence without being swept up in its ineffable grip.

P2 (R) A young female yuppie gets stuck working on Christmas Eve. As she tries to hurry home, a psychotic coworker captures and brutally tortures her to satisfy some sort of odd psychosexual hang-up. The annoying new trend of post-Halloween torture/horror movies rolls on...

This Christmas (PG-13) The Whitfield family comes home for Christmas for the first time in years and struggles to interact like in the old days. They all learn, however, the value of family in this warming holiday dramedy. Worth seeing for “The Wire’s” Idris Elba.

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Continued from page 8... and I think I’ve proven that fairly well by engaging a rather large number of people in how we should think about these issues,” he said. His critics claim he plays fast and loose with the numbers. He insists that he does not, and counters that his critics like to revel in catastrophe. World-threatening climate change is sexy. You’re not likely to see Brad Pitt “digging latrines in Tanzania” in the next Hollywood disaster epic. Doomsday must always be right around the next corner.

When asked why we find the threat of imminent disaster so compelling, Lomborg offered a cautious appraisal.

“It’s very important to say that I’m totally outside my area of expertise now, so I’m just giving you my gut sensation,” he said. “It’s because a lot of people are making a lot of claims, and the ones who are making panicky or catastrophic claims simply have better press. At the end of the day, the other things that I talk about—prevention of HIV/AIDS, prevention of malnutrition, prevention of malaria—those are just boring things.”

In 2004, Lomborg organized the Copenhagen Consensus, a collection of economists, including four Nobel laureates, to weigh the costs and benefits between such competing claims for limited public funding. A second Consensus last year was composed of ambassadors from around the world, including India, China and the United States. A key topic that has emerged from the Consensus concerns the inequality of incomes between the developed and developing worlds.

“At the end of the day, even if we end up convincing, by 2050, Europe and the U.S. to cut their emissions, the vast majority of emissions in the 21st century are going to come from developing countries,” he said.

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“They’re not going to care very much about climate change before they’ve fulfilled all their other discussions about getting a meal and getting education and getting health and also fixing their local environmental problems before they’ll start worrying about the global environmental problem.”

So what can we do about global warming from Lomborg’s perspective?

“Let’s focus on research and development.

Let’s focus on non-carbon-emitting technologies like solar, wind, carbon capture, energy efficiency, and also, let’s realize the solution may come from nuclear fusion and fission,” he said.

Lomborg cited the prohibitively high price of solar power—presently 10 times the cost of fossil fuels—to illustrate his point.

Currently, only a few relatively rich people in the developing world can afford to place solar panels on their houses. For poor people in the developing world, especially those who are already in close proximity to an electrical grid, it simply isn’t an option economically.

“Imagine if we could make solar panels close to the price of fossil fuels by mid-century,” Lomborg asked. “It would be much easier to get everyone to commit to drastic reductions.

Imagine if we could make it cheaper than fossil fuels. The discussion would be over. Everybody would switch. We wouldn’t have a problem.”

Is Lomborg right? Is the Kyoto Protocol destined to fail? Can we get more bang for the buck by focusing on R&D and providing more aid to the developing world? Only time will tell. Perhaps the contrary Dane’s most important contribution has been to show us that there may be other ways besides Kyoto to do something about global warming. A far worse prospect than Lomborg being correct is the notion that nothing we do will matter at all.

The Pulse 12.11.07

25

Book Review

Juggling Elephants: An Easier Way to Get Your Big, Most Important Things Done—Right!

By Jones Loflin and Todd Musig (Penguin Group USA) With the holidays swiftly approaching, it’s easy to become carried away with all the many tasks that must be completed.

Students are preparing for their final exams of the semester, parents are frantically trying to find the time to finish all the Christmas shopping that needs to be done. All the while, people are struggling through each day to accomplish as much as their bodies will allow before they just give out.

A Christmas break really isn’t a break. It’s still considered work, just in a different realm of life. So how does a person ever have time to stop, relax, and focus on the task at hand without worrying about life’s stresses?

The answer is…very carefully, and with a little help from Jones Loflin and Todd Musig in their book Juggling Elephants: An Easier Way to Get Your Big, Most Important Things Done—Right!

Today, a person can become easily distracted by his or her routine daily tasks and forget to spend quality time with family. Or, work can be so overwhelming that you don’t spend the needed time to complete a project to the best of your ability. As long as it is enough to move on and tackle the next chore, it will do.

Well, imagine having time to complete all your projects, finish the Christmas shopping, study for exams, spend time with family, and still manage to have a little ‘self’ time as well. Sounds near impossible, but it’s

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By Paula Just

really quite manageable with the help of this book.

The story is told through Mark’s point of view. What is unique about the book is that it is written as a narrative rather than a straightforward, step-by-step manual on how to be a better person. It’s better for the reader to not be constantly reminded that you are reading a self-help book. This way, you feel like you’re just reading a regular story with a very beneficial lesson -- learning how to juggle your elephants.

Mark finds himself nose deep in work, neglecting his family that hungers for his complete attention, forgetting to make time for himself and do the things he enjoys. His job is taking over his life, and he isn’t the only one suffering. His work performance is low due to the overload, and his daughter is growing up without him.

Until Mark goes to the circus.

While there he meets Victor, the ringmaster of a touring circus currently on break. The two begin a conversation that changes Mark’s life. The reader learns, every step of the way, to manage time more efficiently. As Victor uses the circus as a metaphor for life, he begins explaining the three rings that represent a person’s professional life, relationships, and self. Living life can be as chaotic as being the ringmaster of a three-ring circus. In these rings of life, one is to determine how to improve each ring to make time for all three of them.

Throughout the book, the reader follows Mark’s journey in conquering the three rings of his life and becoming the ringmaster of his own personal circus. It isn’t long after Mark succeeds in taking the next step to become a better person -- working on his life now that he can work in it.

This book is perfect for those who find themselves struggling to make time for everything and everyone.

With a little organization and some help, anybody can find time to read the book that has been waiting on the nightstand, take the kids to that movie they have been wanting to see, or completing an assignment on schedule to make it home to spend time with one’s family during the holidays.

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The Best Of

Shrink Rap With Dr. Rick Don’t Should On Yourself!

As an undergrad I had a terrific professor who taught the class not to should on ourselves. She’d say, “Don’t should on yourself, and don’t let anyone else should on you, either!” She was feisty. We loved her. And she helped us learn to become nonjudgmental, feeling people, not allowing others to tell us how or what to feel, and willing to take responsibility for our thoughts, emotions, and actions.

Remember when you were a child, and you will undoubtedly remember at least one relative or other adult in your young life making comments like, “Oh, honey, you shouldn’t feel that way.” Or, “Why are you sad? You should be happy about that.” Or, “Dry your tears … big boys don’t cry.” Well, this is exactly what my professor was talking about. You were should upon.

The reasons for these grownups attempting to guide our young feelings were varied, although likely well-intentioned: Perhaps they didn’t want us to be sad. Or maybe they themselves were uncomfortable with feelings such as anger or sorrow, and so didn’t want to see those feeling in us.

Or they were trying to teach us about “good” (allowable) feelings, and “bad” feelings. But which were which? And under what circumstances?

Wrong, wrong, wrong! As kids we felt what we felt, honestly and spontaneously. Does it make sense to tell a kid how to feel, when children do a perfectly good – natural and unedited – job of it themselves?

Whatever the motivation for the editing, the result in many cases is a child who learns to not trust his/ her feelings, nor trust the expression of feelings from others. Such lessons become ingrained – internalized – and influence us throughout life, until we learn better. Or more specifically, until we relearn what we already knew in the first place!

You can see, then, how this would make for a whole range of communication and relationship problems in adulthood. Does he mean it when he says “I love you”? Do I love him? What feelings am I having?

If I can’t trust something as basic as my own feelings, what can I trust? And on and on …

The first step in navigating the world of feelings is to understand that they are all OK. In fact, they are better than OK … they are there for good reasons and can be used as valuable navigational tools to help us understand what’s really going on inside.

Consider this: When you feel depressed, ask yourself what you are angry about.

Depression is very often anger that has no apparent external target. With no target, it boomerangs back to us in the form of depression. Or … we don’t allow ourselves to even feel angry (must be one of those “bad” feelings), lest we feel guilty about it. (How can you possibly be angry at your own mother?!) So the result of unaddressed anger? Depression.

When you feel angry, ask yourself who or what has disappointed you.

Anger, as uncomfortable as it might be, can serve as a protective armor against feelings that you may consider even more uncomfortable, such as hurt, disappointment, hopelessness, shame. We prefer to have the feeling we can handle, rather than the ones we think we cannot. So what’s going on underneath the anger?

So you see how feelings are not only OK, but are helpful in getting to the root of problems. And none of them are “bad.” By honoring and accepting our human-ness, we can accept our feelings – feelings that are there for good reasons. My advice is to learn to listen to them, trust them, and let them guide you.

None of which can happen if we deny what we feel … if we should on ourselves.

Till next week, I leave you with the words of Goethe: “Just trust yourself.

Then you will know how to live.”

The first step in navigating the world of feelings is to understand that they are all OK.

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Peace, Dr. Rick

Dr. Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist, minister, and educator, in private practice in Chattanooga, and is the author of “Empowering the Tribe” and “The Power of a Partner.” Visit his website at www.DrRPH.com where you can email your questions and comments.

The Pulse 12.11.07

27

Life in the ‘Noog

By Chuck Crowder

Better Watch Out Christmas craziness is coming to town The “holidays” are full of wondrous stuff. The shorter days and brisk air outside make the additional lighting of the season feel warm and cozy.

Everyone’s dressing everything up in red and green, or gold, or silver… white…whatever. Anyway, it is definitely a special time of year when traditions override normalcy, and sometimes, even sanity.

Probably the most insane thing

one can do between the Friday after Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day is load up the kids and head out east to -- “the Mall.” For it is during this time of year that Gunbarrel Road becomes the ‘noog’s longest linear parking lot.

And, should you actually make it to Hamilton Place, you’ll find everyone you’ve ever known all crammed inside – darting through the crowds like ostriches being chased. Nothing says

“fun” like dealing with that.

My advice is to shop on Frazier Avenue. It’s a lot less crowded, and represents the season a little nicer than the aisles of some big-box, chain-store dynasty. Strolling up and down the street on a nice Saturday afternoon allows you to actually breathe in the crisp air, feel December’s nip, and see each shop’s enticing holiday offerings in the front windows. And, you’ll be

“The holidays are expensive enough - what with the tree, decorations, kids’ toys, parties, charities, bottles of wine here and there, and the like.” supporting local retailers – folks who are your friends and neighbors. It’s always better to keep your money local. That is, if you buy gifts at all.

I was instrumental in instilling my family’s newest tradition of not buying gifts for members over the age of 18.

Of course that excludes husbands, wives, girlfriends, yourself, etc. The holidays are expensive enough - what with the tree, decorations, kids’ toys,

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parties, charities, bottles of wine here and there, and the like. And, the idea of big Christmas bonuses to help alleviate these costs is a tradition long gone by.

Besides, the holidays (or “Christmas” as my family calls it) are all about the kids. Nothing will ever replace the joy of waking up at 5 a.m. on Christmas Day, running down the stairs and ripping into a load of stuff you’ve been anticipating all year long.

Thumbing through the Sears catalog, searching for a Stretch Armstrong, GI Joe (with the kung fu grip), Star Wars action figure or Snoopy Snow Cone Machine was like picking horses at the racetrack – each choice carefully calculated for maximum return on investment. And now, we get to see our kids go through the same joy and excitement – and it’s like we’re getting to do it ourselves all over again.

That’s the true spirit of the holidays, anyway. Spreading joy and doing nice things for people.

Maybe it’s someone you don’t even know, or some nice deed performed anonymously. Whatever it is, be sure and do something nice for someone this holiday season – and be good, for goodness sake.

Chuck Crowder is a local writer and general man about town. His opinions are just that. Everything expressed is loosely based on fact, and crap he hears people talking about. Take what you just read with a grain of salt, but pepper it in your thoughts. And be sure to check out his wildly popular Web site thenoog.com for hip Chattacentric shirts and stickers.

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The Pulse 12.11.07

29

Feast , Price Range: $$ Chattanooga Billiard Club 725 1/2 Cherry St. 267-7740 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 3am Sat. & Sun.: 1pm to 3am , , Price Range: $ Chattanooga Sandwich Company 207 Frazier Ave. (423) 266-2233 , , Price Range: $ Cheeburger Cheeburger 138 Market St. (423) 265-4108

, , Price Range: $ 212 Market 212 Market St. 265-1212 212Market.com Weekday lunch: 11am to 3pm and dinner 5pm to 9pm.

Weekends: lunch 11:30am to 3pm and dinner 5pm 10pm.

Sun.: dinner 5 pm to 9pm. , , , Price Range: $$ All-American Grilled Takeout 3507 Ringgold Rd. 698-2040 Mon. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to 11pm , , , Price Range: $ Angus Café 701 Cherry St. 266-4484 , , Price Range: $ Aretha Frankenstein’s 518 Tremont St. 265-7685

30

Armando’s 4509 Hixson Pike 877-4495 , Price Range: $ Back Inn Café 412 East 2nd St. 265-5033 Mon. - Thurs.: 7am to 10pm Fri: 7am to 11pm Sat.: 8am to 11pm Sun.: 8am to 10pm , , , Price Range: $$ Back Yard Burgers 4047 Hixson Pike 870-8525 4417 Hwy 58 892-9552 , , Price Range: $ Bea’s Restaurant 4500 Dodds Ave. 867-3618 , Price Range: $ Big River Grille & Brewing Works 222 Broad St. 267-2739 , , , Price Range: $$

Carry Out =

Delivery =

(Based on average dinner entrée price.)

Casa Rolls 1414 Jenkins Rd. (423) 510-9570

2 Squares A Day 3399 Amnicola Hwy. 697-7595

Serves Alcohol =

Price Guide:

, , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $

Dine In =

$=under $10, $$=$11-20, $$$=$21 and up

Rising Fawn, GA (706) 398-9510

American

Serves Food =

KEY TO GUIDE

Blue Orleans Creole Restaurant 3208 Amnicola Hwy. 629-6538 Mon. - Fri.: 6:30am to 4pm , , Price Range: $$

409 Market St. 756-1919

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Chef Dre’s 500 Lookout St. (423) 634-1141

Buddy’O Jrs. 5813 Lee Hwy. 899-1979

, Price Range: $

BlueCoast Burrito 5591 Hwy. 153 877-1880 BlueCoastBurrito.com Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 9pm Sun.: 11am to 3pm

, , , Price Range: $ Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Lee Hwy. 499-9878

China Inn 624 Northgate Mall 877-8773 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat.: 11am to 9:30pm Sun.: 11am to 4pm

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. 266-4200 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 11pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 12am , , Price Range: $$ Bourbon Street Blues Bar 2000 E. 23rd. St. 698-2589 Chattanoog , , Price Range: $

Buffalo Wild Wings 507 Broad St. 752-9464 364 Northgate Mall 877-2356 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 12am Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 1am Sun.: noon to 11pm , , , Price Range: $

Broad Street Grille 1201 Broad St. 756-3400

Café Mi Aroma 2153 North Ocoee St., Cleveland 478-5530 7328 Shallowford Rd. 954-9889 650 McCallie Ave. 634-2165

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Buck Wild Saloon & Grill

Canyon Grill 28 Scenic Highway

Chop House 2011 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 892-1222 , , , Price Range: $$

Restaurant 809 Market St. 634-9925 Mon. - Thurs.: 11:30am to 2:30pm Fri. & Sun.: 11:30am to 1:30pm Closed on Saturdays , , Price Range: $ Country Time Café 8142 East Brainerd Rd. 553-6700 Tues. - Sat.: 7am to 9pm Sun.: 11am to 3pm , , Price Range: $ Dexters Inc 5835 Lee Hwy. 855-5118 , , Price Range: $ Diamond Billiard Club 3600 Hixson Pike Ste. K 877-5882 Mon. - Fri. & Sun.: 11am to 3am Sat.: noon to 3am , , Price Range: $ Dinner on the Diner 1400 Market St. 308-2481 , , Price Range: $$ Dockside Cafe 8411 Harrison Bay Rd. 344-9998 , Price Range: $ Durty Nelly’s Irish Pub 109 N. Market St. 265-9970 , , Price Range: $$

City Café Diner 901 Carter St. 634-9191 7641 Lee Hwy. 485-8222 Open 24 hours seven days a week

my first kitchen, I was nicknamed ‘Easy’).”

That’s the word from Eric Neil, executive chef and owner. Because Easy Seafood is chef-owned and operated, nothing holds them back from creating the freshest, most honest, wonderfully delicious food in town.

From Crawfish Etoufee to Easy’s Surf–N-Turf, seared Kobe Beef Sirloin with grilled jumbo gulf white shrimp, the menu features local produce (NEVER miss the Fried Green Tomato Salad when the Heirloom tomatos are in season!) and an attention to subtle details.

Check out the 25- cent oysters on Thursday nights.

203 Broad St. 266-1121 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10:30 Fri. - Sat.: 11am to midnight Sun: 11am to 10:30pm Bar Hours: Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 1am Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 2am

Family Table 3904 Ringgold Rd. 698-8857

pecan trout to jambalaya.

Their bold American fare is prepared by a staff that boasts more culinary school graduates than any other restaurant in town, and they make a mean double-cut pork chop. They also have a full bar that you can enjoy on the deck or in the retroindustrial interior, which still displays the original brick from the renovated building. Monday is halfoff Wine Day, and Sunday brunch has become very popular here.

The old knitting mill now holds a lot more than yarn. Three Chattanooga natives turned the space into a polished-casual dining environment that serves up everything from pecan trout to jambalaya.

Their bold American fare is prepared by a staff that boasts more culinary school graduates than any other restaurant in town, and they make a mean double-cut pork chop. They also have a full bar that you can enjoy on the deck or in the retroindustrial interior, which still displays the original brick from the renovated building. Monday is halfoff Wine Day and Sunday Brunch has become very popular here.

Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm (bar open until 1am) Sun.: 11am to 10pm 205-C Manufacturers Rd. 752-7487

, Price Range: $

, Price Range: $$

Fanatics 7601 E Brainerd Rd. 894-2524

Fox and Hound Pub & Grille 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd., Ste. 150 490-1200

, , , Price Range: $$ Eidson 5308 Ringgold Rd. 867-1742 , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $ Flatiron Deli 706 Walnut St. 266-2620 Mon. - Fri.: 8am to 2pm , , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $ Country Life Vegetarian

The Pulse 12.11.07

Easy Seafood Company “Our Southern spin on Creole cuisine has its roots in my New Orleans childhood. In our home, Creole cooking was an everyday event, and the flavors, aromas, and laid-back attitude of the city shaped who I am (in

Fudgewrights 100 Market St. 756-1113 , , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $ Copper Kettle Restaurant 4301 Hwy. 58 899-9208

, , Price Range: $$

Foodworks The old knitting mill now holds a lot more than yarn. Three Chattanooga natives turned the space into a polished-casual dining environment that serves up everything from

Geneva’s 12136 Hwy. 136 Rising Fawn, GA (706) 398-1749 , Price Range: $ George’s 6080 Shallowford Rd. 954-1430

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Feast , Price Range: $ Giggles Grill 3224 Brainerd Rd. 629-2233 , , Price Range: $ Gondolier Italian Restaurant 6901 Lee Hwy. 899-8100 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 10pm

3821 Brainerd Rd. 624-5715 1 , , Price Range: $$ Hennen’s 193 Chestnut St. 634-5160 , , Price Range: $$ Images 6005 Lee Hwy. 855-8210

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Grove Street Grill 1221 Grove St. 756-1411

Inn-Side Restaurant 800 Chestnut St. 266-7687

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $ J Alexander’s 2215 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-5559 1 , , Price Range: $$ Jimmy D’s Sports Bar and Grill 3901 Rossville Blvd.

867-2624 Mon. - Sun.: 10am to whenever

Hair of the Dog Pub There’s only one locally owned hangout that is both homey and happening, classy and casual, with a unique menu of pub dishes and remarkable selection of drinks. Down on the corner of Market and 4th Street, a spot o’ London has settled into the Chattanooga bar scene.

Hair of the Dog offers pool tables, a breezy bi-level patio, a rockin’ jukebox and friendly staff. Not the regular stale potato chips bar fare, their stellar menu boasts Jalapeno Corn Dogs, Cottage Pie and Salmon. And then there’s the beer. They have more than 50 different brews on top of lengthy wine and liquor lists. Definitely your next favorite haunt.

334 Market St. 265-4615 HairOfTheDogPub.net Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 3am Sat. & Sun.: 1pm to 3am , , Price Range: $ Herman’s

Price Range: $ JJ’s Bohemia 231 MLK Blvd.

266-1400 , , Price Range: $ Kreme House 9220 Lee Hwy. 238-4141 , Price Range: $ Lamar’s Restaurant and Lounge 1018 East MLK Blvd.

266-0988 , , , Price Range: $ Little Lunch Box 5959 Shallowford Rd. Ste. 201 510-9860 Mon. - Fri.: 8am tp 2:30pm , , Price Range: $ Lookout Mountain Cafe’ 826 Scenic Hwy. 821-6714

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Lookout Place Cafe 1101 Market St. 634-1166

McMel’s 5700 Ringgold Rd. 867-7663

, Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $

Mac’s Restaurant & Lounge 3950 Brainerd Rd. 698-0702

Melanie’s At Brainerd 3116 Brainerd Rd. 698-4433

, , Price Range: $

Market Street Tavern Chattanooga’s newest downtown hotspot serves lunch and dinner Monday through Friday and Saturday evening. The Tavern boasts down-home southern cuisine with a twist, featuring local and organic purveyors.

A polished casual atmosphere makes it the right place for any occasion. Whether you want a great burger for lunch, a few drinks and apps at happy hour, a delicious entrée for dinner or a night on the town listening to Chattanooga’s best local music talent, you will find what you are looking for at the Market Street Tavern.

Join them every Friday following Nightfall Chattanooga’s best local music talent.

Open 11am Mon-Fri, Open 12 pm Saturday, Close - ?

850 Market St. 634-0260 1 , , Price Range: $ Marsha’s Backstreet Cafe 5032-1/2 Brainerd Rd. 485-7911 , , , Price Range: $ Mayor’s Mansion Inn 801 Vine St. 265-5000 , , Price Range: $$ Mayor’s Restaurant & Lounge 3820 Brainerd Rd. 624-0034

, , , Price Range: $

266-6591 , , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $$ Mellow Mushroom Monumental hoagies, scrumptious salads, awesome calzones and baked-on-the-stone pizza: Mellow Mushroom has something for everyone.

Vegetarians, meat lovers, calzone crazies and all stomachs in between will be satisfied with the extensive menu. Try the fresh hummus with pita as you sip from one of the 150 bottled beers and 40 beers on tap. Kids love MM, and the whole family can enjoy themselves as everyone finds a favorite on the huge menu! Free WIFI access now available.

Happy Hour every day from 9 to 10 pm, with $3 drafts and Sunday Thursday from 4 to 6 pm, with $2 domestic drafts.

Open Monday-Friday, 11am-12am. Saturday, 11am-1pm. Sunday, 12-11pm.

205 Broad St. (423) 266-5564 MellowMushroom.com Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 12am Sat.: 11am to 1pm Sun.: Noon to 11pm , , , Price Range: $$ Merv’s 713 Mountain Creek Rd. 877-0221 , , , Price Range: $ Mount Vernon 3535 Broad St.

Mr. Happy 3235 Brainerd Rd. 622-7217

Ollie’s Restaurant Heart & Soul 5742 Brainerd Rd. 648-9946

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Murphy’s Ale House A true Pub setting in a cozy, turn of the century, downtown building.

Murphy’s Ale house is a full service restaurant, bar, and after hours meeting place. The menu represents a combination of old world favorites and modern American fare.

High quality at moderate prices. Daily $5.99 lunch specials including chicken pot pie, open faced roast beef, 1/2 lb patty melts, fried chicken and meatloaf. Enjoy evening entertainment and drink specials and watch all your favorite sporting events in high definition on our 10 foot screen.

Murphy¢s is also available for parties, meetings and private functions.

618 Georgia Ave. 648-4360 MurphysAleHouse.com Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2am Sun.: Noon to Midnight.

Out Of The Blue Bakery & Cafe’ 3200 Brainerd Rd. 698-7833 4301 Amnicola Highway @ Riverpark Mon. - Sat.: 8am to 4pm (Brainerd) Mon. - Sat.: 8am to 8pm (Riverpark) . , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Nikki’s Drive Inn 899 Cherokee Blvd.

265-9015 , Price Range: $

Niko’s Southside Grill Niko’s Southside Grill is a contemporary restaurant that offers the best in creative American cuisine, food that’s full of bold flavors with international appeal. Niko’s has an expanded appetizer selection that ranges from Rock Shrimp to Tortilla Pizza. For the main course, Niko’s features a wide selection of dishes, from Peppercorn Encrusted Twin Petit Filets to Sesame Grouper. At Niko’s, expect wonderful wines—pairing great wine with great food is a passion. More than 15 desserts are prepared fresh daily in Niko’s Bakery, making it one of the premier downtown restaurants for dessert and coffee. Eat indoors in our spacious dining room, or on our outdoor patio, serving the full menu.

Cowart & 14th Streets 266-6511 , , Price Range: $$ Northshore Grill 16 Frazier Ave. 757-2000

Patrick’s 4119 Cummings Hwy. 821-4703 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 9pm Fri: 11am to 1am Saturday: 4pm to 1am , , Price Range: $$ Petunia’s Silver Jalapeno 309 Signal Mountain Rd. 785-7578 Tues. - Sat.: 11am to 8pm , Price Range: $ Porter’s Steakhouse Fine dining atmosphere for Chicago-style steaks and quality seafood.

Simple preparations with the best available ingredients. The 28 oz.

Prime Porterhouse is something to behold. For

those with a bit less of an appetite, smaller cuts of the same quality beef are offered and prepared in the truest tradition of the Chicago steakhouse. The Capital Plate is one of the favorites of regulars with its classic combination of expertly prepared Ribeye and Shrimp Scampi.

Stylish bar and the historic setting of the Read House Hotel combine to make this a solid choice for your night of dining.

827 Broad St. 266-4121 , , Price Range: $$$ Purple Daisy Picnic Cafe 3913 St. Elmo Ave. 822-6477 OurPurpleDaisy.com Mon. - Wed.: 11am to 3pm Thurs. - Sat.: 11am to 8pm , , Price Range: $ Renaissance Commons 402 East 2nd St. 265-5033 , , Price Range: $$ Sharon’s Cafe 5600 Brainerd Rd. 899-7101 , , Price Range: $ Smoothie King 325 Market St. 266-1918 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-9910

Feast 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-6059 5200 Hwy. 153 875-8488

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Texas Roadhouse Restaurant 7035 Amin Dr. 899-8293

Souper Salad 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-5506

757-4730

756-8700

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

The Ruby Rock Grotto 3931 St. Elmo Ave. 825-5680

Vaudeville Cafe 138 Market St. 266-6202

, , , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

The American Café 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-8454

The Station House 1400 Market St. 266-5000

Veg Out 4801 English Ave. 867-5517

Soup’s On 3103 S. Broad St. 267-1555

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

The Big Chill & Grill 427 Market St. 267-2445

Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy.

266-4488

The Tallan Cellar at Union Square 2 Union Square 648-0880

Vine Street Bakery and Market 1313 Hanover St. 266-8463

, , , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $$ Southern Restaurant 3224 Dayton Blvd.

877-9203 7714 Hixson Pike 842-5649

The Big Table 118 Cross St. 634-0772 , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $ Southside Cafe 1404 Cowart St. 266-0022 , , Price Range: $ St. John’s 1278 Market St. 266-4400 , , Price Range: $$$ St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. 266-4400 , , Price Range: $$ Station House 1400 Market St. 308-2481 , Price Range: $$ Steamboat 5950-C Shallowford Rd. 812 Broad St. 499-6355 Mon. - Fri.: 10am to 3:30 pm , Price Range: $

The Blue Plate Brilliant: the owners of The Blue Plate have taken the idea behind the classic American diner and given it a contemporary flair. To start, try the Fried Green Tomatoes or the HandBreaded Fish & Chips.

Then dig into a Blue Plate Burger or Baked Meatloaf or Grilled Salmon. Don’t forget to leave room for Coconut Cream Pie or Peanut Butter Pie. In addition to lunch and dinner seven days a week, you can enjoy breakfast on the weekends. Full bar with premium spirits, bottled beers and wine by the glass. The Blue Plate boasts a fantastic view of the river and is located in the River Pier Building next to the Aquarium.

Easy parking adjacent to Blue Plate at the foot of the River Pier.

191 Chestnut St. Unit B 648-6767 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat.: 8am to 9pm Sun.: 9am to 9pm TheBluePlate.info/site , , , Price Range: $ The Melon Patch 109 Gordon St. (706) 375-7300 Chickamauga, GA

Stumble Inn 2925 1/2 Rossville Blvd.

624-0290 Mon. - Sun.: 1pm to ?

, Price Range: $

, Price Range: $$$$

The North Chatt Cat 346 Frazier Ave. 266-9466 Price Range: $

Table 2 Grill & Lounge 232 East 11th St. Suite A110 756-8253 , , Price Range: $$ Taco Mac 423 Market St. 267-8226 , , , Price Range: $ T-Bones Sports Cafe’ 1419 Chestnut St. 266-4240 , , Price Range: $ Terdon 3713 Rossville Blvd.

867-4515

, Price Range: $ The Village Cafeteria 1015 Lafayette Rd. Chickamauga, GA (706) 375-6356

, , Price Range: $ Southern Star 1206 Market St. 267-8899

The Terrace 2 Carter Plaza 756-0002

The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. 499-5055 Tues. - Thurs.: 4pm to 1am Fri.: 4pm to 3am Sat.: 6pm to 3am Sun. 7pm to 3am Mon. Closed ( , , Price Range: $$

, Price Range: $ Tom’s Donut Palace 705 Cherry St. 266-4424 Mon. - Fri.: 7am to 1pm , , Price Range: $ Top of the Dock 5600 Lake Resort Terrace 876-3636 1 , , Price Range: $ Town & Country East 2000 East 23rd St. 826- 1985 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 12am Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 2am Sun.: 11am to 4pm. , , Price Range: $ Traditions Buffet 8142 E Brainerd Rd. 826-1680 , , Price Range: $

Tremont Tavern North Chattanooga’s hometown neighborhood hangout is where you will find the best burgers and gourmet sandwiches in town. Not to mention the best beer selection this side of the river, featuring 115 brews from around the world with 9 on tap.

Join the Tavern World Traveler club where you can earn your very own tavern beer stein and add your name to the wall of fame when you finish all 115 beers. Check out the local musical talent – every Tuesday is open mic night, and the following Wednesday and Saturday a local band or performer takes center stage for your musical enjoyment.

1203 Hixson Pike 266-1996

The Pickle Barrel 1012 Market St. 266-1103 Monday - Saturday: 11am to 3am Sunday: 12pm to 3am

, , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

The Red Lantern 1301 Chestnut St.

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Tubby’s Real Burgers 710 Cherokee Blvd.

265-0069

University Pizza & Deli 422 Vine St.

China Pan 480 Greenway View Dr. 899-1386

Wally’s 1600 McCallie Ave. 698-4643 6521 Ringgold Rd. 899-6151 , , Price Range: $ Zarzour’s 1627 Rossville Ave. 266-0424

, , Price Range: $ Formosa Restaurant 5425 Hwy. 153 875-6953 , , , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Great Taste 816 Mtn. Creek Rd., Suite A-6 870-8555

Asian

, , Price Range: $

Asia Buffet 6901 Lee Hwy. Ste. G 499-8865 Mon. – Thurs.: 11 am to 10 pm Fri. - Sun.: 11 am to 10:30 pm

Hiroshi’s Southside 114 West Main St. 267-9003 Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2pm for lunch. 5pm to 10pm for dinner.

No lunch on Saturday Closed Sunday 1 , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $ Chef Lin 5084 South Terrace 510-1997 100 W. Walnut Ave., Dalton (706) 226-1663 , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

China Gourmet 321 Browns Ferry Rd. 821-8500 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm Sun.: 12pm to 2pm

Ichiban Japanese Steakhouse 5621 Brainerd Rd. 892-0404 5425 Hwy. 153 875-0404

, , Price Range: $ China Lee 3815 Dayton Blvd.

877-6917 , , , Price Range: $ China Moon 5600 Brainerd Rd. (Eastgate Town Center) 893-8088 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:30pm Sun.: 11am to 9:30pm , , Price Range: $

Na Go Ya 4921 Brainerd Rd. 899-9252 , , , Price Range: $ New China Buffet & Grill 531 Signal Mountain Rd. 756-8788 3544 Cummings Hwy. 821-6988 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 9:30pm.

Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:30pm.

, , Price Range: $

Hunan Wok 2201 E. 23rd. St. 624-6200 Mon. - Sun.: 11am to 11:30pm

China House 7601 E. Brainerd Rd. 499-8670

, , Price Range: $

New Peking Mandarin House 1801 Dayton Blvd.

875-6480

China Express 3801 Tennessee Ave. 821-2858

, , , Price Range: $

Mister Wok #2 5402 Brainerd Rd. 892-6669

, , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Mikado Sushi Bar Noodle House 7003 Lee Hwy. 899-3236 , , Price Range: $

Hong Kong Express 5210 Brainerd Rd. 899-8888

Hot Wok Express 4900 Hixson Pike 870-9899

China Cafeteria 505 Market St. 265-1522

Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $$ Imperial Garden 2288 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-9333 217 Ocoee Crossing NW, Cleveland 559-9054 , , Price Range: $ Jumbo China Buffet 6940 Lee Hwy. 899-5488 , , Price Range: $ Kanpai of Tokyo 2200 Hamilton Place Blvd.

855-8204 , , Price Range: $$ Mandarin Garden 5450 Hwy. 153 877-8899 ,

,

The Pulse 12.11.07

,

, , , Price Range: $

1806 Gunbarrel Rd. 296-6500

1459 Mack Smith Rd. 899-3088

, Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $ Famous Dave’s 2122 Gunbarrel Rd. 954-3227

Sushi Nabe Since 1990, Sushi Nabe has provided Chattanoogans with the freshest, most delicious authentic Japanese cuisine. The freshest fish is flown in daily from major fish markets on both the west and east coasts. And the real secret to tasty sushi--the rice--is made fresh daily by the sushi experts here. Proprietor Yasushi Watanabe and his wife Chikako welcome you to visit and try Chattanooga’s original and best sushi! Sushi Nabe is at 110 River Street inside Coolidge Park, on the north shore of the Tennessee River across from Ross’s Landing, downtown Chattanooga.

Mon.:4pm - 9:00pm Tues, Weds, Thurs & Sun:11:30am - 9:30pm Fri & Sat.:11:30am 10:30pm , , Price Range: $$

Number 1 Chinese Restaurant 4011 Brainerd Rd. 624-4562

Sushi Nabi of Kyoto 110 River St. 634-0171

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $$

Old Saigon 5510 Highway 153 876-0322

Teriyaki House 5908 Ringgold Rd. 892-8483 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 2:30pm Sat: 4:30pm to 9pm

, , Price Range: $ PF Chang’s 2030 Hamilton Place Blvd.

242-0045 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. - Sat.: 11am to 11pm

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Saigon Noodle & Deli 5665 Brainerd Rd. 490-0074 Mon. - Sat.: 11am 9:30pm , , , Price Range: $ Sea Palace 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 892-4472 , , , Price Range: $ Sekisui 200 Market St. 267-4600 , , , Price Range: $$ Shogun Japanese Steak & Sushi

Typhoon of Tokyo 3953 Dayton Blvd.

875-6142

Barbeque

, , , Price Range: $$ Heavenly Wings 5659 Brainerd Rd. 499-9949 , , , Price Range: $ Kenny’s Smokehouse Barbeque & Hot Fish 3225 Brainerd Rd. 629-6222 , , , Price Range: $$ Master Blasters 1940 Central Ave. 756-1902 , Price Range: $ Porker’s 1251 Market St. 267-2726 , , , Price Range: $ Mo-Mo’s BBQ 3874 Hixson Pike 870-HOGS , , Price Range: $ Rib & Loin Brainerd Rd. (423) 499-6465 5435 Hwy. 153 (423) 877-7675 , , , Price Range: $$ Shuford’s Smokehouse 924 Signal Mtn. Rd. 267-0080 , , Price Range: $ Smokey Bone’s 2225 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-7850 , , , Price Range: $$

Bone’s Smokehouse 9012 East Brainerd Rd. 894-2663

Sonny’s Barbecue and Such 1503 Tunnel Blvd.

698-1255

, , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $

Buffalo Shack 1512 Tunnel Blvd.

624-9771

Sportsman’s Barbecue 231 Signal Mtn. Blvd.

265-1680

, , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Choo Choo BBQ 6410 Hixson Pike 843-9554

Sticky Fingers 420 Broad St. 265-7427 2031 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-7427

, , Price Range: $$ Double R BBQ

, , , Price Range: $

33

Feast Sugar’s Ribs 2450 15th Ave. 826-1199 , Price Range: $$ Sweeny’s 3147 Broad St. 267-2009 5928 Hwy. 58 344-8337 , , Price Range: $ Two Pigs Bar-B-Q 9070 Hwy. 58 344-2275 , Price Range: $ Waycrazy’s 3720 Taft Hwy. 886-3283 , , , Price Range: $

Bistro Broad Street Bistro 827 Broad St. 266-4121

, , Price Range: $

517 Subs 1210 Taft Hwy. Suite Q Signal Mountain 517-9011

Krispy Kreme Doughnuts 5609 Brainerd Rd. 894-0243 Open 24 hours

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Main and Mocha 1462 Market St., Ste. 106 265-2922 Mon. - Fri.: 6:30am to 7pm Sat.: 7am to 7:30pm Sun.: 8am to 5pm

Mocha Joe’s Bistro 3914 St. Elmo Ave. 822-3442 Mon. - Thurs.: 7am to 9pm Fri: 7am to 10pm Sat.: 8am to 10pm Closed on Sunday

Anziano’s 828 Georgia Ave. 756-3497

, , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Caffeine 233 East MLK Blvd.

756-5911 Mon.: 11am to 3:30pm Tues. & Wed.: 11am to 8pm Thurs. & Fri.: 11am to 11pm Closed Sat. & Sun. , , Price Range: $

Ankar’s Express Cafe’ 6016 Shallowford Rd., Suite 1400 499-CAFE , , Price Range: $

Terra Nostra 105 Frazier Ave. 634-0238 TerraNostraTapas.com

Coffee & Tea

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Mug & Bean 4011 Austin St. 421-6422 MugNBeam.com Mon. - Thurs.: 6:30am to 9pm.

Fri.: 6:30am to 5pm.

Sat.: 8:30am to noon.

, , Price Range: $$

Ankar’s 510 Broad St. 266-0017 6057 Lee Hwy. 892-3606

Perky Piranha 250 Chestnut St. 265-2922 , Price Range: $ Rembrant’s 204 High St. 265-5033 , , Price Range: $ Starbucks 827 Broad St. 643-1242 1932 Gunbarrel Rd. 499-2670

, , Price Range: $ Daryl’s Sandwich Shop 533 Battlefield Pkwy.

(706) 858-8877 , , Price Range: $ Deli Man and Cake Lady 1414 McCallie Ave. 624-0505 , , Price Range: $ Figgy’s 805 Chestnut St. 266-8675 , , Price Range: $ Firehouse Subs 6025 E. Brainerd Rd. 893-3473 Mon. - Fri.: 10:30am to 10pm Sat.: 10am to 10pm Sun.: 10am to 9pm , , Price Range: $ Glen-Gene Deli 7025 Shallowford Rd. 899-7733 , , Price Range: $

267-0888 River Street Deli 151 River St. 756-3354 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am8:30pm Fri. - Sun.: 11am to 5pm Fri. & Sat. dinner: 8pm

, , Price Range: $ Marble Slab Creamery 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-6480

, , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Riverview Deli and Yogurt 1150 Hixson Pike, Ste. 2 265-8080 Mon. - Thurs.: 9:30am to 6pm Fri. & Sat.: 10am to 4pm

Udder Creamery 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-5818 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 9pm Sat. & Sun.: 11am to 10pm , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Shapiro’s Deli & Gift 723 Cherry St. 266-3669 , , Price Range: $ Staxx Submarine Sandwich Shop 7333 Lee Hwy. 553-8553 , , Price Range: $

French Café Française 6313 East Brainerd Rd. 718-0745 801 Signal Mountain Rd. 757-7001 Price Range: $$ La Cabriole 1341 Burgess Rd. 821-0350 , Price Range: $$$

Indian India Mahal 5970 Brainerd Rd. 510-3582 , , , Price Range: $$ Sitar Indian Cuisine 6231 Perimeter Place 894-9696 Mon. - Fri.: 11am to 2:30pm for lunch and 5pm to 10pm for dinner.

Sat. & Sun.: 11am to 3pm for lunch and 5pm to 10pm for dinner , , Price Range: $$

Italian Bella Roma Italian Restaurant 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 499-4900 , , , Price Range: $$

Greek Acropolis 2213 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-5314

Cafe Roma 220 North Ocoee St. Cleveland, TN 339-1488 , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$ Epicurean 4301 Ringgold Rd. 622-4139

Carrabba’s Italian Grill 2040 Hamilton Place Blvd.

894-9970

Chattz Coffee 1010 Market St. 756-8890

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Stroud’s 1201 Broad St. 424-3770

Chestnut Roast 605 Chestnut St. 756-8944

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

The English Rose 1401 Market St. 265-5900

Jason’s Deli 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. Ste. 14 296-1096

Olympic Diner 3904 Ringgold Rd. 624-9330

Fazolis 2332 Shallowford Village Dr. 499-5155

Coffee Crafters 426 Vine St. 756-9995

, Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Cuppy’s Coffee, Smoothies & More 3911 Brainerd Rd. 493-9778 , , Price Range: $ Downtown Donut Connection 611 Chestnut St. 266-0200 , , Price Range: $ Great Harvest Bread Co. 541 Signal Mtn. Blvd., Ste. 219 267-0140 ChattanoogaGreatHarvest. com Mon. - Fri.: 7am to 6pm Sat.: 7am to 5pm

The Mudpie 12 Frazier Ave. 267-9043 , , , Price Range: $ The Stone Cup 224 Frazier Ave. (423) 265-5010 , , Price Range: $ Xpresso Mart 816 Ridgeway Ave. 886-7700 , Price Range: $

Cuban The Cuban Cafe 2114 Chapman Rd. 648-7373

, , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Greyfriar’s 406-B Broad St. 267-0376

Deli

34

Gollywhoppers 6337 E. Brainerd Rd. 855-2001 , , Price Range: $

Koch’s Bakery 1900 Broad St. 265-3331 Mon. - Fri.: 6am to 5:30pm , , Price Range: $ Lenny’s Subshop 1913 Gunbarrel Rd. 899-5539 , , Price Range: $ Li’l Philly 7910 E Brainerd Rd. 855-9922 , , Price Range: $ McAlister’s 2288 Gunbarrel Rd., Ste. 105 510-8299 Sun. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 9pm Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to 10pm , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$ Mykonos Greek Grill 11 W. 8th St. 757-9490

Ciaobella 181 River St. 826-1125 , , Price Range: $

, Price Range: $

Ice Cream Ben & Jerry’s 201 Broad St. 265-8606 BenJerry.com

Livorno Italian Restaurant 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 499-4900 , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $ Bruster’s 4241 Hixson Pike 877-9119 , , Price Range: $ Clumpies 26 Frazier Ave. #B 267-5425 5523 Hwy. 153 875-5425 Mon. - Thurs.: Noon to 9:30pm Fri. & Sat.: Noon to 11pm Sun.: 1pm to 8pm , , Price Range: $ Cold Stone Creamery 100 Chestnut St. Ross’ Landing

Portofino 6407 Ringgold Rd. 499-9696 , , Price Range: $$ Proni’s 5001 Brainerd Rd. 499-0770 , , Price Range: $ Provino’s South Terrace Plaza 899-2559 , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$

Las Brasas 5143 Hixson Pike 876-8235

The Pizza Place 1210 Taft Hwy Signal Mountain, TN 886-3761 37377 , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $ Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike 756-3332

, , Price Range: $$

Boathouse Rotisserie and Raw Bar 1011 Riverside Dr. 622-0122

Tony’s Pasta Shop & Trattoria 212 High St. 265-5033 Sun. - Thurs.: 11am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 11pm

, , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Mexican

Moe’s Southwest Grill 1820 Gunbarrel Rd. 553-6930 5510-A Hwy. 153 875-8757 MoesChattanooga.com

Amigo 5450 Hwy. 153 875-8049 3805 Ringgold Rd. 624-4345 , , , Price Range: $ Bienvenidos 3450 Cummings Hwy 822-9964 , , Price Range: $ Cancun 1809 Broad St. 266-1461 5307 Hwy. 153 875-9785 , , , Price Range: $ El Matador 2233 Lafayette Rd. Fort Oglethorpe, GA (706) 861-4898 Mon. - Thurs.: 11am to 9:45 Fri. & Sat.: 11am to 10:45pm Sun.: 11am to 9:45pm , , , Price Range: $ El Meson (423) 894-8726 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. , , , Price Range: $ El Monterrey 531 Signal Mountain Rd. 266-6420 , , Price Range: $

, , Price Range: $

Mom’s Italian Villa 1257 Market St. 266-2205 Mon. - Sat.: 11am to 2pm for lunch and 5pm to 9pm for dinner

Garcia’s Northgate Market 1724 Dayton Blvd.

634-3770

The Pulse 12.11.07

Pisa Pizza 551 River St. 756-7492

Los Compadres 5773 Brainerd Rd. 296-8141

, Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

, , , Price Range: $

Fiesta Grill 2100 Hamilton Place Blvd.

899-8844

Pastaria 720 Mississippi Ave. Signal Mountain 886-1900

La Fiesta Mexican Grill 8523 Hixson Pike 843-1149

Romano’s Macaroni Grill 2271 Gunbarrel Rd. 894-2221

Milano’s Italian Restaurant 5450 Hwy. 153 870-8119

, Price Range: $

11pm Sun.: 11am to 10pm

, Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $ La Alteña 314 W. Main St. 266-7595 , , , Price Range: $ La Costa 615 Commercial Ln. 877-8940

Seafood

Los Potros 9408 Apison Pike Ooltewah, TN 396-4393

, , , Price Range: $ Mojo Burrito 3815 St. Elmo Ave. 822-MOJO 1800 Dayton Blvd.

870-MOJO MojoBurrito.com Both locations are open seven days a week. Call for exact hours. , , , Price Range: $ Qdoba 414 Market St. (423) 756-4777 5798 Brainerd Rd. (423) 894-4499 Qdoba.com , , , Price Range: $ Salsarita’s 2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-5010

Bonefish Grill Bonefish provides the freshest fish possible, so in their search to find fish from the waters worldwide, they hunted down and located fish purveyors with a commitment to quality.

Using extraordinary thought and care, Bonefish has designed a ritual where they receive, inspect, and hand cut the fish daily flown in from all points of origin.

The Pulse Food contributor, Penny Dyer, visited Bonefish and had this to say about their crab cakes in particular: “Sad to say, I’ve never had good crab cakes south of Alexandria, Virginia. (A hole-in-the-wall place at a fish market.)

That’s not true anymore.

I have to add Bonefish Grill’s crab cakes to my “perfect list.” As the saying goes, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Bonefish seems to have located the best.

2115 Gunbarrel Rd. 893-0389 , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $

Riverside Catfish House 18039 Hwy. 41 821-9214

Pizza Cozzoli’s Pizza 1120 Market St. 634-0600 Mon. - Fri.: 8am to 8pm Sat.: 9am to 7pm

, Price Range: $$

, , Price Range: $

Royal Thai Dining 8174 E Brainerd Rd. 510-0001

Fat Daddy’s Pizza 5084 South Terrace 468-6800 Sun.: 11am to 12am Mon. to Thurs. 9am to 12am Fri. to Sat.: 9am to 3am

Thai Price Range: $$ Sawasdee 4008 St. Elmo Ave. 822-9001

, , , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$

Lupi’s Pizza Pies 406 Broad St. 266-5874 5506 Hixson Pike 847-3700

Sweet Basil 5845 Brainerd Rd. 485-8836 , , , Price Range: $$

, , , Price Range: $$ Mr T’s Pizza and Yogurt 4103 Ringgold Rd. 954-1222 3924 Tennessee Ave. 821-5084 Mon. - Thurs.: 10:30am to 10pm Fri. & Sat.: 10:30am to

Thai Smile 3 219 Market St. 266-2333 , , , Price Range: $

www.chattanoogapulse.com

Horoscopes

By Rob Brezsny

Week of December 13

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Everything absolute belongs to pathology. Joyous distrust is a sign of health.” So proclaimed Friedrich Nietzsche. Note well that he used the adjective “joyous” to describe distrust, not “cynical” or “grumbling” or “sour.”

The key to remaining vital and strong while questioning every so-called absolute is to cultivate a cheerful, buoyant mood as you do it. That’s one of your top assignments in the coming weeks, Aries: Practice joyous distrust.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Here are the best and most enjoyable ways to capitalize on your current astrological omens: (1) Transform one of your so-called liabilities into at least a temporary asset; (2) lose any attachment you have to pleasures and rewards that won’t mean much to you a year from now; (3) allow and even invite people to show you how you can get smarter; (4) compassionately identify the limits of the people you care about; (5) squeeze every last lesson out of what you’re leaving behind.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Big Russ and Me, a memoir about growing up, journalist Tim Russert writes a lot about what he learned from his father. Here’s one story: Whenever a family member accidentally broke some glass, his dad took extraordinary precautions wrapping up the shards in a sealed box before depositing them in the trash can. Why? Because he wanted to be sure the garbage men wouldn’t cut their hands. I urge you to be that conscientious in the coming week, Gemini. Imagine in detail the impact your actions might have on all the people, both known and unknown, whose lives you touch. The gods will reward you for doing so.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are your cohorts looking at you quizzically, wondering why you seem so energized from exploring the shadowy, off-limits places? I’ll offer some suggestions about what you could say to them. First, try to make them see that until you’ve risked going too far, you may not know when to stop. Second, tell them that you suspect there are healthy desires buried at the roots of your dark feelings, and you’re hoping to free them. Third, explain to them that you’re not picking at your scabs in order to prolong your hurt, but rather to better understand the hurt. If those rationales are too subtle for your companions to understand, cackle softly and say that you just need to be a little bad in order to give your goodness more soul.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): A lightning bolt is hot, fast, and potent. It can travel at 100,000 mph, reach temperature of 60,000 degrees Fahrenheit, and generate enough energy to illuminate a light bulb for two months. And yet it’s usually no more than an inch in diameter. This is an apt metaphor

www.chattanoogapulse.com

for the kind of highly concentrated power you will have available in the coming days, Leo: deceptively petite in proportion to its enormous wallop. Please use it wisely.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): At Free Will Astrology, we love to turn things upside-down and inside-out every now and then. It keeps our mental hygiene sparkling clean, and yours, too. This week, in order to incite a purifying ruckus, we’re offering you a challenge from psychologist James Hillman.

Please suck the following thoughts into the deepest recesses of your understanding, and enjoy the brainstorms they detonate: “By accepting the idea that you are the effect of a subtle buffeting between hereditary and societal forces, you reduce yourself to a result. The more your life is accounted for by what already occurred in your chromosomes, by what your parents did or didn’t do, and by your early years now long past, the more your biography is the story of a victim.” What I’m trying to tell you, Virgo, is that it’s a fine time to rebel against your genetic heritage, your upbringing, and your conditioning. Imagine a life for yourself in which you don’t believe that those factors control what you’re capable of.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It’s the Season of Returns and Recoveries, Libra. You will generate good fortune if you look for what you lost. Here are some suggestions on how to proceed: Recall important memories you’ve almost forgotten, retrieve any valuable things you rashly threw away, and bushwhack your way back to a promising path you strayed from. For best results, you should forgive yourself of any mistakes you think you made that led to the loss.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): For reasons too silly to go into here (involving romance, of course), I once spent six months making thrice-weekly three-and-a-halfhour roundtrips from Chapel Hill, NC to Columbia, SC. The back roads I drove on were sparsely traveled and my ancient pickup truck didn’t have a radio, so I passed the time by reading. I became quite skilled at continually darting my eyes back and forth between the road and the open book resting on my steering wheel. In this way I got through James Joyce’s Ulysses, Leo Tolstoy’s Anna Karenina, and Thomas Mann’s Magic Mountain. I don’t advise you to try something so dangerous, Scorpio, but I do believe it’s a perfect astrological moment for you to master the art of slipping back and forth between two starkly different realities.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): A group of us decided to throw a party. The Sagittarian among us, Rosa, insisted on being in charge of supplying the desserts. She feared that if anyone else handled this task, there wouldn’t be enough, and they wouldn’t be sweet enough or rich enough or decadent enough. To make sure the delectable treats

were available in rapturous abundance, she felt she could only trust herself. In this spirit, I appoint you to be the sweet, rich, decadent dessert-provider for the entire world in the coming weeks. I’m using “desserts” in both the literal and metaphorical senses.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Among modern Baghdad’s most prominent architectural features are its blast walls.

These omnipresent concrete barriers shield buildings from truck bombs and random gunfire. They were nothing but oppressive eyesores up until a few months ago, when a team of 40 artists began covering them with brightly colored murals that depict idyllic landscapes and glorious scenes from Iraqi history. Your next assignment, Capricorn, is to try an equivalent conversion. Add beauty to something ugly; bring a light touch and a creative spirit to a troublesome situation; dress up your defense mechanisms in silk and gold.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Let’s meditate on events that have an impact at a great distance from their origins. For instance, African dust reaches Florida, raising pollution levels, just as particulate matter from China floats over to sully California’s skies. Here’s another example: The CIA played a major role in overthrowing the democratically elected prime minister of Iran in 1953, and this is still wreaking chaos on the current relationship between the U.S. and Iran. In the coming week, Aquarius, I predict your life will provide another example of this theme, although in your case the long-range influence is likely to be far more benign than the other cases I cited -- possibly even downright benevolent.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Open your minds, sweethearts,” begins the soothing rant of enlightenment advisor Dvorah Adler (Dvorahji.com). “Take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. It’s time for you to hear the big secret of the ages, the radical truth of truths that only the wisest gurus and avatars and grandmothers are brave enough to reveal. Are you ready? Here it is: ‘SHUT UP AND BE HAPPY!’” I’m pleased to convey Dvorah’s ancient truth to you, Pisces, because it’s what you need to hear right now. So please, darlings: Shout, whisper, or sing “SHUT UP!” to all the voices in your head that are so addicted to saying “What am I doing wrong?”, “When will I finally be happy?”, and “Why can’t everything be perfect forever?” The fact is, you are exactly where you need to be, and everything is proceeding with mysterious grace.

Homework: Forget what Time magazine thinks. Who is your “Person of the Year?”

Tell me at FreeWillAstrology.com; click on “Email Rob.”

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The

Reach our readers in print and online for one low price! Go to wwww.chattanoogapulse.com and click on “Classifieds,” or e-mail us at classifieds@chattanoogapulse.com.

COMMUNITY NOTICES

FOR SALE http://www.katjaxon.com Acclaimed artist Kat Jaxon’s highly anticipated 2008 cat calendar now available! Features 12 color hand-drawn illustrations. The perfect gift for any cat lover! (AAN CAN

ADOPTION PREGNANT? CON-

ROOMMATE

SIDERING ADOPTION? Successful, college-educated, single woman ñ with large extended southern family ñ seeks to adopt and needs your help! Financial security. Expenses paid.

Call Marnie (ask for Michelle/ Adam). 1-800-790-5260. (AAN CAN)

ROOMMATES. COM. Browse hundreds of online listings with photos and maps. Find your roommate with a click of the mouse! Visit: www. Roommates. com. (AAN CAN)

ANNOUNCEMENTS WRITERS WANTED The Academy for Alternative Journalism, established by papers like this one to promote diversity in the alternative press, seeks talented journalists and students (college seniors and up) for a paid summer writing program at Northwestern University’s Medill School of Journalism. The eight-week program (June 22 ñ August 17, 2008) aims to recruit talented candidates from diverse backgrounds and train them in alt-weekly style feature writing. Ten participants will be chosen and paid $3,000 plus housing and travel allowances. For information and an application visit http:// aaj. aan.org. You may also email us at altacademy@northwestern. edu. Applications must be postmarked by February 8, 2008.

Northwestern University is an equal opportunity educator and employer. (AAN CAN) BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY Movie Extras, Actors, Models!

Make $100-$300/ day. No Experience Required, Meet celebrities, Full Time/ Part Time, All looks needed! Call Now! 1-800-556-6103 extension 528.

(AAN CAN)

FINANCIAL $CASH$ Immediate Cash for Structured Settlements, Annuities, Law Suits, Inheritance, Mortgage Notes & Cash Flows. J. G. WENTWORTH #1 1-800-794-7310 (AAN CAN)

FINANCIAL SERVICES MEDICAL BILLS MAKING YOU SICK? Save money! Reduce medical bills through our proven Mediation System. Financing Available. No Rise. Free Live Chat.

1-800-837-2416 http:// www.

BillMediation.com (AAN CAN)

SERVICES

MUSICIANS MUSICIAN’S EXCHANGE FIDDLER WANTED! Local working acoustic band in Chattanooga needs fiddler for regular gigs. Must know (or be able to learn) bluegrass fiddle tunes.

Call Justin-423-508-4423.

These homes must sell! For Listings Call 1-800-425-1620 ext.

3241. (AAN CAN)

HOUSE FOR SALE No payment until February 08! Immediate occupancy in Frost Creek Farms E/ Brainerd Ooltewah area. 4252 sq.ft. Granite, tile, hardwood, fresh paint on 1.25 acres. Level yard. Owner/ agent.

Celebrate Christmas in this truly beautiful home. (423) 664-1916, Kim Moyer Keller Williams.

Newly formed metal band Eloquence Of Suffering is seeking a dependable and qualified drummer. Must have gear and transportation. (423) 580-2811

THEPROJECTSTUDIO

Now is the time to get your music on CD! Do you need a band demo?

An audition CD? Talent show entry CD? Do you sing karaoke and would like a CD of your talent? Do you have personal stories that need to be told and recorded? $20/ hour Come in and make a recording! For more information please go to http:// www.myspace.com/ studiopros (423) 870-4369

ROLAND V DRUM MESH PADS Two PD-120 dual trigger & Two PD-100 mesh pads.

All white. Brand New in the Factory Sealed Box, $995 (423) 400-2215

SILVER TRUMPET Getzen Special 700 Series. $450 OBO (423) 774-0647

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

HOUSE FOR RENT 1820 Hazel Alder Lane located in the Soddy Daisy area. Deposit Amount: $1,150 Rental Amount: $1,150 3BR 2BT Tenant Pays All Utilities. River City Property Management. (423) 648-7368 DUPLEX FOR RENT 485-B French St. Adorable 2 bedroom 1 bath duplex in the heart of Fort Oglethorpe. Deposit Amount: $525 Rental Amount: $525 Special Offer: NO SECURITY DEPOSIT! River City Property Management. (423) 648-7368

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HOMES FOR SALE BANK FORECLOSURES! Homes from $10,000! 1-3 bedroom available! HUD, Repos, REOs, etc.

HOUSE FOR RENT 1861 Coffeetree Ln. Beautiful three bedroom home in new subdivision located off of Sequoyah Access Rd. 3BR 2BTH Deposit Amount: $1,150 Rental Amount: $1,150 Special Offer: NO SECURITY DEPOSIT!! River City Property Management (423) 648-7368

POST OFFICE JOBS AVAILABLE. Avg. Pay $20/Hour or $57K annually including Gederal benefits and OT. Paid Training, Vacations.

PT/FT. 1-866-616-7019 USWA (AAN CAN)

HELP WANTED GOVERNMENT JOBS Earn $12 to $48/ Hour Full Benefits, Paid Training. Homeland Security, Law Enforcement, Accounting/ Finance, Clerical, Administrative, Wildlife/ Park Service, More!

1-800-320-9353-2101.

(AAN CAN)

RESTAURANT/ HOSPITALITY TOWN HOMES BARTENDERS HOUSE FOR RENT 2744 Stone Trace Drive located in the East Brainerd area 3BR/2.5BTH $1250 deposit $1250 per month. River City Property Management (423) 648-7368

NEEDED

Looking for part/ full time bartenders. Several positions available. No experience required.

With hourly wages and tips make up to $300 per shift. Call (800) 806-0082 ext. 200. (AAN CAN)

MISCELLANEOUS HOUSE FOR RENT 914 W. 38th Street located in Chattanooga 3BR/2BTH $950 deposit $950 per month. River City Property Management (423) 648-7368

EMPLOYMENT ADMINISTRATIVE BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

HOUSE FOR RENT 2748 Stone Trace Dr. Beautiful and spacious, well-appointed townhome in East Brainerd. 3BR 21/2BTH Deposit Amount: $1,100 Rental Amount: $1,100 Special Offer: NO SECURITY DEPOSIT!!!! River City Property

DATA ENTRY PROCESSORS NEEDED! Earn $3,500 ñ $5,000 Weekly Working from Home!

Guaranteed Paychecks! No Experience Necessary! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! http:// www. BigPayWork. com (AAN CAN)

The Pulse 12.11.07

MYSTERY SHOPPERS ñ Get paid to shop! Retail/ Dining establishments need undercover clients to judge the quality/ customer service. Earn up to $150 a day.

Call 800-901-9370. (AAN CAN)

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY MAKE $150/ HOUR Get Paid Cash for Your Opinion! Earn $5 to $75 to fill out simple surveys online. Start NOW! http:// www. paidchoice.com (AAN CAN)

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

HOUSE FOR RENT 139 Holcomb Rd. Lovely 3BR 2BT home with split floorplan for privacy.

Deposit: $1,000 Rental: $1,000 Special Offer: NO SECURITY DEPOSIT!!!! River City Property Management. (423) 648-7368

REAL ESTATE HOUSE FOR SALE

HOUSE FOR RENT 7003 Tyner Rd. 3BR 2BTH Deposit Amount: $1195 Rental Amount: $1195 River City Property Management (423) 648-7368

WELLNESS PENIS ENLARGEMENT FDA Approved medical vacuum pumps, Viagra, Testosterone, Cialis. Gain 1î ñ 3î permanently. Free Brochures.

619-294-7777 24/7, http:// www. GetBiggerToday.com (AAN CAN)

MANAGEMENT/ PROFESSIONAL

FOR SALE $8 PRESCRIPTION EYEGLASSES. Custom made to your prescription, stylish plastic or metal frame, Highindex, UV protection, antiscratch lens, case, lenscloth for only $8. Also available: Rimless, Titanium, Children’s, Bifocals, Progressives, Suntints, ARcoating, etc. http:// ZENNIOPTICAL. COM (AAN CAN)

HEALTH CARE

HOUSE FOR RENT

LATIN BAND In need of brass and percussion musicians.

Call for audition times. (423) 774-0647

Management (423) 648-7368

HELP WANTED HELP WANTED Earn Extra income assembling CD cases from Home. Start Immediately. No Experience Necessary. 1-800-405-7619 ext. 150 http:// www.easywork-greatpay. com (AAN CAN) EMPLOYMENT OUTDOOR YOUTH COUNSELOR. Do you love the outdoors and helping troubled teens? Immediate openings at Eckerd outdoor therapeutic programs in NC, TN, GA, FL, VT, NH and RI. Year-round residential position, free room & board, competitive salary/ benefits. Info and apply online: http:// www.eckerdyouth.org. Or fax resume to Career Advisor/ AN, 727-442-5911. EOE/ DFWP (AAN CAN)

HOME REFUND JOBS! Earn $3,500 ñ $5,000 Weekly Processing Company Refunds Online! Guaranteed Paychecks! No Experience Needed! Positions Available Today! Register Online Now! http:// www. RebateWork. com (AAN CAN)

HELP WANTED COOL TRAVEL JOB!! One Month Paid Training! $500 Sign on Bonus Must be free to travel & Start Today.

1-800-735-7409. (AAN CAN) NOW HIRING IN YOUR AREA Start immediately. On the job training. Multi-tasking skills essential, call now to apply 1-204-887-5122 or apply online www.qualityreasearchcenter.com (AAN CAN)

HEALTH AND BEAUTY CAREER TRAINING/ SCHOOLS MEDIA MAKE-UP ARTISTS earn up to $500/ day for television, CD/ Videos, film, fashion. One week course in Los Angeles while building portfolio.

Brochure 310-364-0665 http:// www. MediaMakeupArtists.com (AAN CAN)

JOB TRAINING/ ASSISTANCE HELP WANTED PILATES & GYROTONIC TEACHER TRAINING: Become a certified Pilates or Gyrotonic Instructor. World renowned training program. Give yourself a new career! http:// www.fusionpilatesasheville.com 1-828-333-4611 (AAN CAN)

MARKET PLACE: SIDEWALK SALE (UNDER $1000)

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY

www.chattanoogapulse.com

CREATIVE WORK OF WILD CLEARING Check out www. wildclearing.com for video documentary impressions, fine art reproductions and photography.

Visit our on-line store at www. shop.wildclearing.com (423) 774-3311

FENDER JAZZ BASS this is a ’62 reissue CIJ Jazz Bass.

Features upgraded pickups and a modded string-through body.

Rosewood neck and super cool fiesta red body. Also comes with chrome bridge cover and deluxe brown toilex hard shell case.

I also have a Kustom 40 watt bass amp that is available for an additional $85. These would make a great christmas gift! Call Ryan 423-432-6765 $525.

ETC.

LANDER SE Silver 4 Dr. Wagon Automatic 2.4L 4 cyl Fuel Injection 22,435k miles $16,990.

Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 267-1104

DOMESTIC

2007 CHEVROLET IMPALA LS 4 Dr. Maroon Sedan 3.5L 6 cyl Fuel Injection Automatic 15,378k miles $17,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

2007 CHEVROLET MALIBU LT White 4 Dr. Sedan Auto-

NORDIC-TRAK Ski-exercise machine, EXCEL model, nearlynew, with wood skis, adjustable weights and handles, owners manual, more! Moving from E. Brainerd house. ! $200 OBO (423) 645-1158 TRADESHOW BOOTH 8ft. reg $1299 Only $599 (770) 912-7811

2006 SUBARU LEGACY GT LTD Black AWD 4 Dr. Sedan Manual 2.5L 4 cyl Turbo Fuel Injection 19,053k miles $21,990.

Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 267-1104

2005 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO LS Silver coupe Auto-

IMPORT

MOVIE POSTERS 35 Authentic Double-sided Movie Posters.

Great Condition! $150. (706) 375-6173

VANS

2004 A Cadillac XLR 2 Dr. Black Convertible 20K miles. $16,900.

Call anytime! (423) 240-7231

matic 3.4L 6 cyl Fuel Injection 33,277k miles $13,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

2005 SUBARU FORESTER 2.5XT Silver 4 Dr. Wagon Automatic 2.2L 4 cyl Fuel Injection 40,949k miles $11,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

SERVICE & REPAIR

AUTOMOTIVE DONATE YOUR VEHICLE MAX IRS TAX DEDUCTIONS UNITED BREAST CANCER FOUNDATION Free Mammograms, breast cancer info, & services http:// www.ubcf. info FREE towing, Fast, Any Condition Acceptable, 24/7 1-888-468-5964 (AAN CAN)

AUTOMOTIVE $500 POLICE IMPOUNDS, Cars from $500!

Tax Repos, US Marshal and IRS Sales! Cars, Trucks, SUV’s, Toyota’s, Honda’s, Chevy’s, more!

For Listings call 1-800-298-4150 xC107. (AAN CAN)

www.chattanoogapulse.com

matic 3.5L 6 syl Fuel Injection 10,141k miles $15,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

2005 MITSUBISHI ENDEAVOR XLS Black 4 Dr.

2007 SUBARU LEGACY OUTBACK 2.5 Blue AWD Sta-

Wagon Automatic 3.8L 6 cyl 32,119k miles $19,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

tion Wagon Automatic 2.5L 4 cyl Fuel Injection 13,231k miles $20,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

KARL MAYER TEXTILE MACHINES WANTED, Tricot & Textronic Lace models. Manufactured between 1985ñ1995. TOP DOLLAR PAID Call 802-296-3748 E-mail howieshel@hotmail.com

BUSINESS SERVICES FINANCIAL

SPORT UTILITY 2006 CHEVROLET COBALT LT White 4 Dr. Sedan Automatic 2.2L 4 cyl Fuel Injection 17,479k miles $12,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

SERVICES

CREDIT REPAIR! Erase bad credit legally Money back Warranty, FREE Consultation & Information: 1-866-410-7676 http:// www.nationalcreditbuilders.com (AAN CAN)

BUSINESS OPPORTUNITY $700,-$800,000 FREE CASH GRANTS/ PROGRAMS-2007!, Personal bills, School, Business/ Housing. Approx. $49 billion unclaimed 2006! Almost Everyone Qualifies! Live Operators 1-800-592-0362 Ext. 235.

(AAN CAN)

1999 FORD EXPEDITION blackw/gray int. XLT, leather, loaded and well maintained email at melbelle1029@bellsouth.net or call (423) 237-0516

2003 ISUZU RODEP S Silver 4 Dr. Wagon Automatic 3.2L 6 cyl 67,203k miles $13,990.

Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy.

(423) 267-1104

2006 MITSUBISHI LANCER ES White 4 Dr. Sedan Automativ 2.0L 4 cyl Fuel Injection 17,479k miles $12,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

2004 JEEP GRAND CHEROKEE Laredo Sport Utility 4D Silver Automatic 4.7L 8 cyl 52,398k miles $15,990. Kelly Cars 900 Riverfront Pkwy. (423) 267-1104

AUTOMOTIVE, 2006

www.chattanoogapulse.com

MITSUBISHI

OUT-

The Pulse 12.11.07

37

JONESIN’

By Matt Jones

“Don’t T’s Me, Bro” Make it a single.

Across 1 Yoga position 6 WWE wrestler John 10 Sinking sound 14 Japanese dog breed 15 Stratford-___-Avon 16 Got up 17 Degraded one’s breeding partners?

20 Tournament freebie 21 Ballet bend 22 Contact, in a way 23 Ecstasy 24 Bus. conference 26 Signs simply 27 Invitation word 30 Gets stuck in a bog 32 Result of throwing French fries in the spin cycle?

37 Michael C. ___ (flatware company that provides prizes for many game shows) 38 “Hairspray” star Blonsky 39 ___ rage 41 Holy people who procrastinate?

44 Expressionless 45 Section for Hawaii or Alaska, maybe 46 Give one star to 49 Six-legged hauler 50 Website noted for Photoshop contests 52 Tool

54 “Oh, gross!”

55 ___-Hulk (Marvel superheroine) 58 Choice drink container sections?

62 ___ review 63 Apple or orange 64 Kucinich rival 65 Enveloping glow 66 Posh 67 Sidewalk sippers

Down 1 Rogan josh ingredient 2 “Fine, whatever” 3 Oceanic phenomenon 4 Sport-___ 5 Selection of chocolates 6 Beautiful baby 7 Olympic sword 8 Word in the Postal Creed 9 Response: abbr.

10 Standard time to lose one’s virginity 11 Seuss character, with “The” 12 Davis of “She Hate Me” 13 Lemon ___ 18 Brewpub glassful 19 “___ Letters” 23 Hall of Fame members 24 Whitish 25 “Menage” number 27 Incredulous Internet interjection 28 It comes down hard

29 Sicilian erupter 30 Jim of “Wide World of Sports” 31 Hide in the corner 33 It was once voted “America’s Most Innovative Company” by Fortune magazine 34 Abstained from 35 They’re longer than 57-down 36 Construction area 40 When the clocks shift: abbr.

42 Les ___-Unis 43 Property tested in a wind tunnel 46 1950s-80s TV actress ___ Scott 47 “Au revoir” 48 Less icy 50 Jeff of “The Lawnmower Man” 51 Exist 53 Fried side 54 Bingo call 55 “South Park” kid in a poofball hat 56 Bloody prefix 57 Time periods 59 Can.’s capital 60 Not to 61 There: Lat.

©2006 Jonesin’ Crosswords(editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #0339.

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