MARCH 9, 2017
CHATTANOOGA'S WEEKLY ALTERNATIVE
THE PAST PRESENT AND FUTURE OF THE ZOO By Kevin Hale
MUSIC
ARTS
SCREEN
STRING MUSIC
FOURTH FLOOR
CFF AND JFS
FIDDLING LIBRARY
FESTIVALS
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VOLUME 14, ISSUE 10 MARCH 9, 2017
CONTENTS 4
OP-ED: WHAT A LITTLE “MOONLIGHT” CAN DO
Same day, two headlines: “Moonlight Wins at Oscars” and “Tennessee has declared war on same-sex families: Inside the legislation that would eradicate nearly all rights for LGBT couples.”
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LOOKING FORWARD TO THE CHATTANOOGA FILM FESTIVAL
April 6–9 will once again feature the Chattanooga Film Festival—four days packed with great films and events rarely seen in this part of the country.
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SO MUCH MORE THAN A COLLECTION OF BOOKS
As if the preternatural capabilities were not already being underutilized at libraries in general, a whole different star quality is being overlooked on the spellbinding fourth floor of the Public Library in Downtown Chattanooga.
THAT SWEET OLD TIME FIDDLER'S MUSIC
Ninety years ago Chattanooga was the epicenter of one of the largest and most esteemed music competitions in the United States. It was the All Southern Championship (fiddlers’ convention).
ALSO INSIDE
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Past, Present and Future of the Zoo The Chattanooga Zoo is celebrating its 80th year in the Scenic City and from its humble beginnings to its now world class certifications and recognitions, the zoo is poised to reach even greater heights and bring the adventures of African animals to Warner Park.
FEATURED CONTRIBUTORS
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CONSIDER THIS
25
RECORD REVIEWS
7
SHADES OF GREEN
26
THE LIST
13
NEW IN THEATERS
26
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
16
ARTS CALENDAR
28
OPINIONS & DIVERSIONS
19
MIXOLOGY
29
JONESIN' CROSSWORD
22
MUSIC CALENDAR
30
ON THE BEAT
Kevin Hale is a freelance journalist and experienced internet and television marketer living in North Chattanooga. He is currently working on his first how-to book, “A Million Ways to Market.” He also enjoys hunting Pokémon.
Janis Hashe has been both a staff editor and a freelance writer/editor for more than 25 years. She has a master’s degree in theatre arts, is the founder of Shakespeare Chattanooga and a member of the Chattanooga Zen Group.
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BEGINNINGS ∙ OPINION
Op-Ed: What A Little “Moonlight” Can Do The world moves on…will Tennessee go along with it? By Janis Hashe
Pulse contributor BREWER MEDIA GROUP Publisher & President Jim Brewer II FOUNDED 2003 BY ZACHARY COOPER & MICHAEL KULL
EDITORIAL
Managing Editor Gary Poole gary@chattanoogapulse.com Assistant Editor Brooke Brown Music Editor Marc T. Michael Film Editor John DeVore Contributors Adam Beckett • Rob Brezsny Janis Hashe • Matt Jones Sandra Kurtz • Ernie Paik Rick Pimental-Habib Alex Teach • Michael Thomas Editorial Interns Addie Whitlow • Alex Plaumann Cartoonists Max Cannon • Rob Rogers Jen Sorenson • Tom Tomorrow
ADVERTISING
Director of Sales Mike Baskin mikebaskin@brewermediagroup.com Account Executives Chee Chee Brown • Brittany Dreon Rick Leavell • Cindee McBride Libby Phillips • John Rodriguez Logan Vandergriff
CONTACT
Offices 1305 Carter St., Chattanooga, TN 37402 Phone 423.265.9494 Website chattanoogapulse.com Email info@chattanoogapulse.com THE FINE PRINT: The Pulse is published weekly by Brewer Media and is distributed throughout the city of Chattanooga and surrounding communities. The Pulse covers a broad range of topics concentrating on music, the arts, entertainment, culture and local news. The Pulse is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. No person without written permission from the publisher may take more than one copy per weekly issue. The Pulse may be distributed only by authorized distributors. Contents Copyright © 2017 by Brewer Media. All rights reserved.
S
AME DAY, TWO HEADLINES: “Moonlight Wins at Oscars” (AP) and “Tennessee has declared war on same-sex families: Inside the legislation that would eradicate nearly all rights for LGBT couples” (salon.com). Hundreds of millions of people in 225 countries were floored on Feb. 26 when the biggest gaffe in Academy Awards history gave the “Best Picture” nod to La La Land—only to have it overturned moments later when it was revealed that Moonlight had actually won. The story of a bullied, gay, African American boy from Miami’s Liberty City projects, a story with an all-black cast, a story that presents human beings’ rending complexities, Moonlight was celebrated by a film community famous for loving films about itself. The film asks questions about masculinity, homophobia and self-hatred, and it tells truths about the universality and contradictions of compassion and love. And then, on the same day, you have a tale of state legislators seemingly determined to return Tennessee to a past that denies people like those depicted in Moonlight any right to exist in any light. As salon.com reports: “Filed by State Rep. Terri Lynn Weaver, House Bill 1406 would prevent a couple from listing on the birth certificate the second parent (the spouse not giving birth) after a woman becomes pregnant through artificial insemination.” [Thus denying parental rights to gay couples.] “Republican State Rep. Mark Pody has refiled House Bill 892, also known as the Tennessee Natural Marriage Defense Act. Voted down by the General Assembly last
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year, the legislation seeks to override the Supreme Court’s decision on same-sex unions favor of the state’s definition.” And then there’s House Bill 33. Sponsored by state Reps. Janice Bowling and John Ragan, the bill would “[require] that the words ‘husband’, ‘wife’, ‘mother’, and ‘father’ be given their natural and ordinary meaning’ in any legal or legislative context. According to The Tennessean, HB 33 “could have extremely sweeping effects on same-sex couples in the state, erasing the rights and benefits afforded to their relationship at every turn.” I imagine all these state representatives would have no problem seeing and likely enjoying La La Land, a charming, lightweight film that is virtually (John Legend/jazz musicians/people dancing on cars
aside) all white and all straight. But sit them down and ask them to view Moonlight and the resulting squirming would be something to behold. Here’s the conundrum faced by these folks and people across the country like them: You are the past. The future is in the faces of the people, black and white, young and old, gay and straight, at the African American Cultural Center in Liberty City, who cheered as Moonlight took its rightful place. Moonlight was based on an unproduced play by openly gay playwright Tarell Alvin McCraney called “In Moonlight Black Boys Look Blue.” I don’t know Mr. McCraney, but I’m willing to bet that if you loved the movie based on his work, the best tribute you can pay it is to stand up and fight the insularity and hatred your state reps stand poised to enact.
Consider This with Dr. Rick
EdiToon by Rob Rogers
“The cells in your body react to everything your mind says. Negativity brings your immune system down.”
A Cast For Canvases At The Hunter Museum They’re at it again. The Hunter Museum of American Art, which is known for putting on both fun and interesting events, has decided to put on their second round of Casting The Canvas performances, this Thursday, starting at 6 p.m., “Casting The Canvas 2” features an art-inspired performance by the Ensemble Theatre Of Chattanooga. After a successful first go around, this event will take on new themes and will be inspired by different pieces of art. These themes and pieces of art will play the part of a “muse” for local ac-
tors. The local actors from the Ensemble Theatre perform short original plays, each written specially for this event and inspired by certain pieces from the
Hunters’ extensive art collection. This wildly creative event will allow audience members to roam the museum to find the next original short play. The ETC actors will be putting on conversational performances that evoke the imagination of the audience, and are bound to entertain the audience. The ETC will be drawing inspiration from various pieces of art, to name a few, Jeanette Rachelle's De Sharchet Talbot Bartlette, Alicia Henry’s Untitled, and The Circus is in Town. — Alex Plaumann
Positive thinking releases dopamine, serotonin, opiates, and oxytocin, all of which help stabilize your immune system. Negative thinking releases cortisol and adrenaline, and also prevents the positive chemicals from being released in your body. A shift in consciousness causes a shift in biology. So it turns out that positive thinking really does matter. And the mind/ body connection is alive and well. The more we are aware of that connection, the better able we are to take care of ourselves. Ever notice that when you’re depressed you have more aches and pains? And vice-versa: Feeling physically ill can be terribly depressing. Likewise, when you’re feeling happy and hopeful you don’t feel your usual, nagging pains. And when you’re physically well, you think more clearly. Consider this: Keep your vibration high, and your body has no choice but to match it. — Rick Pimental-Habib, Ph.D.
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COLUMN ∙ SHADES OF GREEN
Environment And Energy Lite? Why should we worry about the environment? Plenty of reasons.
Sandra Kurtz
Pulse columnist
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T’S A STRESSFUL TIME FOR THOSE who care about the environment given happenings in Washington D.C. With approval of fossil fuel industry shill Scott Pruitt as head of EPA, there’s a concerted effort to gut the budget, throw out clean water and clean air regulations, and streamline permits for drilling, mining and atom busting. That means more threats to public health exacerbated by climate change impacts including sea rise (think refugees) and catastrophic weather events. Expect more territorial disputes and continued destruction of the very ecosystem that supports planetary life. Mars won’t save us. Politicians tell us it’s about jobs? They mean those old ones that have gone away, but who will fill those jobs if the water and air are poisoned and the land can’t produce food? Environmentally friendly jobs exist now with more to create. Buggy whips are no longer a mainstay of life. It’s time to change. Adopt longer-term thinking. It will take all of us at all levels. Not only is EPA likely to be weakened, but former Texas Governor Rick Perry can make matters worse as he takes the Department of Energy (DOE) helm. Remember his wish to eliminate the department during his Presidential run? Well, funny, he’s changed his mind now that he has the head job. DOE is responsible for advancing the national economic and energy security of the United States through implementa-
tion of policies regarding nuclear power, fossil fuels, and alternative energy sources. There’s energy research and regulatory power over state-to-state rates plus pricing for wholesale electricity, natural gas, hydropower and oil pipeline rates. There’s a renewable energy laboratory. Energy efficiency and renewable energies offices help get technologies into the marketplace and promote them. They are doing such work here with EPB. Sadly, DOE doesn’t emphasize non-fossil fuel research. Instead, sixty percent of the DOE budget goes to overseeing our nuclear weapons, their maintenance, cleanup and the radioactive waste it generates. Perry is likely to double down on that given close ties with a radioactive waste dump company in Texas. Although Senator Alexander loves nuclear power, it’s dying, but not before the industry attempts to get government bailouts and citizen loans. In an old-technology repackaging attempt, DOE and TVA seek Nuclear Regulatory Commission approval for a site near Oak Ridge to build a small nuclear reactor (SMR) though there is no approved design or customers. Aside from Watts Bar2, 40 years in the making, no U.S. nuclear reactors have been built. Several are closing. Toshiba has withdrawn from the nuclear construction business based on a loss of $6 billion from investment in a Westinghouse nuclear reactor design. Westing-
house has closed shop locally. Further, to this day there’s still no permanent radioactive waste repository. Not only is nuclear too costly, it’s unsafe, and dirty while both solar and wind power are cheaper and safer. Why does that matter here in Chattanooga? Because TVA’s seven nuclear reactors are downwind threatening water and air quality with daily venting and leaks even without a Fukishima disaster. When refueling, highly radioactive rods are removed to pools for cooling and eventually placed in casks, but not before bomb making materials are removed. Radioactive trash is transported across our highways for processing and on to waste dumps. Cask lifespan is shorter than the radioactive
material within. We can live without nuclear power. Worldwatch Institute tells us that wind plant manufacturing is the fastest growing job sector in the U.S. economy. In Tennessee solar PV manufacturing ranks high. With Pruitt going lite on protection at EPA and Perry focusing on fossil fuels and nuclear to the detriment of promoting renewables, it’s left to states and local communities to move us into a greener future. Will we take up the slack and the associated cost? Time is not on our side. Remember, the temperature keeps rising. Sandra Kurtz is an environmental community activist and is presently working through the Urban Century Institute. You can visit her website to learn more at enviroedu.net
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COVER STORY
The Past, Present and Future of the Chattanooga Zoo How a small city zoo rose from a troubled past to a fantastic future
By Kevin Hale Pulse contributor
T
HE CHATTANOOGA ZOO IS CELEBRATING its 80th year in the Scenic City and from its humble beginnings to its now world class certifications and recognitions, the zoo is poised to reach even greater heights and bring the adventures of African animals to Warner Park. The zoo’s origins date back to the beginning of the 20th century when Colonel F. G. Oxley of Bridgeport, Alabama donated $500 to the City of Chattanooga 8 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
to establish a zoo in East Lake Park. Named after the Colonel, Oxley Zoo opened and began the city’s first official zoological facility. Due to city funding constraints, Oxley Zoo closed in 1911. It would take 30 more years for another zoo to be established, this time in Warner Park. It all began with the construction of a four by six-foot cage for two Rhesus Monkeys. By 1942, increased animal acquisitions made the zoo one of Chattanooga’s favorite attractions. The collection included lions, buffalo, alligators, and bobcats, with the primary objective of the zoo in this era to be entertainment. After thirty years without significant change, plans
were made to shift the zoo’s focus to a petting zoo. “Zooville” opened in spring 1969 featuring goats, sheep, and other domestic farm animals, but the 1970’s saw conditions deteriorate rapidly around the aging facility. On a national scale, zoos began to shift toward natural habitat exhibits and conservation education, resulting in Hank the Chimpanzee being donated to the zoo in 1976. By the mid-1980s, public outcry forced the zoo to make the decision to improve or be closed. To combat this ultimatum, Friends of the Zoo formed and private donations were sought to help with improvements as zoo staff increased and professionalism was stressed. Current president and CEO Dardenelle Long joined the zoo in 1985 and remembers many of those growing pains back then. “I came in when there was a real movement to fix the facility or close it,” she recalls. “Friends of the Zoo would come down and sit with Hank to keep him company.” She can’t speak highly enough of the FOZ in those early days. “The hyena we had then was living on concrete and his feet were bleeding,” she says “Those volunteers were responsible for getting him on grass.” Facility renovations began and educational programming was initiated to move toward attaining accreditation with the Association of Zoos and Aquariums. Soon after the opening of the Tennessee Aquarium, a scaled-down master plan was developed for the zoo. The initial plan didn’t recognize the initial financial and property constraints so a planning committee decided to shift the zoo’s role toward education and exhibition of living species, the driving force that remains behind
COVER STORY
the zoo today. While the late eighties saw a new hyena enclosure built, by 1996 the spider monkey exhibit opened as well as the introduction of the jaguar, a milestone Long will never forget. “It’s hard to describe the feeling you get,” she says, recalling such memories of her past with the zoo. “You know you’re making a difference.” Perhaps the zoo’s biggest accomplishment came in 1998 when it received its long-desired accreditation with the Association of Zoos and Aquariums. The Zoo Master Plan then underwent a comprehensive update to expand from five acres to 12 acres with Phase One construction beginning in the fall of 2000. The following year, the $1.9 million Gombe Forest chimp exhibit opened to great acclaim, tripling membership and attendance almost immediately. Between 2002 and 2004, the African Aviary and Misunderstood Marvels exhibits opened, the zoo received accreditation with the AZA again for a new five-year
“It would take 30 more years for another zoo to be established, this time in Warner Park. It all began with the construction of a four by sixfoot cage for two Rhesus Monkeys.” term, Warner Park Ranch exhibit opened, and the largest indoor red panda facility in the country— yes, in the country!— debuted under the name Himalayan Passage. Cougars were introduced to the zoo in 2005, while 2006 saw the second phase of Himalayan Passage completed with new exhibits for snow leopards and Hanuman langurs, also known as leaf-eating monkeys. By 2008, a new $4.2 million entrance complex opened featuring a new gift shop, ticketing area, concessions pavilion, hand-carved endangered animals carousel and
Gombe Forest Café. The Benwood Foundation and the Chattanooga Public Arts Initiative installed solid steel chimp sculptures in the front entrance pavilion. The zoo expanded its overall property by 35 percent and received AZA accreditation for a third time. Over the next four years, the zoo traded one of their female snow leopards for a male snow leopard from the Pittsburgh Zoo, welcomed Jaguar brothers Phil and Gene, snow leopards Czar and Kasimir gave birth to a girl cub, Renji, and then later gave birth to twins, Maliha and Everest. A snow
leopard camera was also installed and linked to the zoo’s website so fans could watch the snow leopards daily. Today, as I make my way from exhibit to exhibit, you can see a sort of glimmer in the eye of each employee I encounter, like they are on mission and won’t be deterred by weather or dirty aspects of the profession. “This is not a glamour job,” adds General Curator Stacy Laberdee. “It’s about saving the species.” Beyond those lofty goals, simply interacting with the animals on a daily basis provides these keepers with tremendous satisfaction. “You come into the exhibit and they know and recognize you; they trust you,” says Laberdee. “They come to know you as their caretaker.” But it’s important to remember not all animals like human interaction. “Birds of prey, like owls, don’t like humans,” she adds. “Except parrots. Jaguars look at you continued on page 11
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COVER STORY
as dinner.” These large cats can be trained by being motivated by food, but they still have natural killer instincts. “You’re not going into the enclosure and scratching behind their ears,” she says. Outreach and education will always be a major part of the zoo’s mission. Education Programs Manager Chelsea Ciszewski found a perfect fit in the profession when she wanted to be a teacher, but formal education wasn’t her forte. “I wanted to pursue more hands-on teaching,” she says. “It’s amazing to get kids interested with the animals. They don’t even realize they are learning.” But it’s not just the kids who get to have all the fun. “We want to emphasize we have programs for everyone,” she adds. “From kindergarten to senior citizens, we want to enrich everyone’s lives with the animals.” Each person I interview seems to have their favorite animal. “For me, it’s got to be the Eastern Black Rhinoceros,” says Laberdee. “When I worked in Kansas City, Missouri, I was a part of their breeding program. They are
“It’s obvious when you come to the zoo that things are changing,” says Labodee. “I feel like we’re exploding. In the five years I’ve been here, we have come a long way.” like big dogs. When they don’t get food or attention, they pout. They are very sweet.” For Ciszewski, she like the meerkats. “They are so inquisitive in their social interactions. After a while, you can really begin to recognize their individual personalities.” She is also a big fan of river otters. “They are so mischievous but very smart.” When considering the future of the zoo, prepare yourself for more fantastic exhibits and educational programs as next year will see the opening of the African Expansion.
It will feature multiple new exhibits, including first, a giraffe and, in 2020, a lion! “The giraffe really is an iconic animal,” exclaims Long. “It will be great for visitors to make eye contact and really get to know the animal.” The facility will also be upgraded to provide commanding views of the new exhibits at the front entrance. Also, look for stations for animal feedings, areas for interactive education encounters, keeper talks, and small group presentations. “We want to make sure what-
ever we build, we can take care of,” adds Long. “We saw a 20 percent increase in attendance last year. More and more visitors come up to me and have great stories. We just want to continue to keep the zoo new and fresh.” The African expansion will also include an additional concessions building with catering, additional restrooms, and a special event plaza which can hold up to 300 guests. SSA food consultants have made a capital investment in the zoo and now handle food service and the gift shop. It’s easy to forget you’re in Chattanooga the moment you walk into the new gift shop. It feels like you’ve been transported to a much bigger city. It’s all part of inclusive, well-rounded, total experience the zoo is trying to bring to Chattanooga. The zoo hopes the new African expansion will propel them to new levels as a leading destination in the city. “It’s obvious when you come to the zoo that things are changing,” says Labodee. “I feel like we’re exploding. In the five years I’ve been here, we have come a long way.”
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FILM & TELEVISION
Looking Forward To The Chattanooga Film Festival The CFF offers up another stellar lineup of films
10th Annual Jewish Film Series Kicks Off With Harmonia Beginning on Wednesday, the Jewish Film Series is back in full swing for the tenth year in a row. The Jewish Cultural Center has been devoted to showing the best-quality Jewish films, and this year’s schedule for the series is no exception. Wednesday’s first film showing, which begins at 7 p.m., will be the 2016 drama Harmonia. Harmonia follows the triangular relationship of three members of the Jerusalem Philharmonic. Sarah and Abraham are a childless couple, but Hagar, a female orchestra member, offers to have Abraham’s child for them. After the child, Ben, is born, Hagar leaves the orchestra, and it isn’t until Sarah finally has her own son years later that the two women reunite and 12-year-old Ben learns the story of his two mothers and why he has felt a deep unrest inside of him for so long. The film is based on a story from the Book of Genesis and adds a womanly twist to the tale of two “mothers” and their half-brother sons. Harmonia also helps to explain the story of the clash between the two different peoples living in Jerusalem and their now-desired harmony through classical music. The Jewish Film Series will be showing five other weekly films, making this year’s film series one you don’t want to miss. — Addie Whitlow Harmonia Wednesday, 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com 12 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
By John DeVore Pulse Film Editor
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T’S ALMOST TIME AGAIN for the best event in Chattanooga. April 6–9 will once again feature the Chattanooga Film Festival—four days packed with great films and events rarely seen in this part of the country. While Chattanooga has proven that it has a rabid base for quality independent film, distributors still see the market as one fit for wide release comic book films and mass marketed Hollywood, surefire hits. The only smaller, independent films that manage to come here regularly are religious in nature—think the pandering God’s Not Dead or anything involving Kirk Cameron. But even religious films aren’t always a sure thing—Martin Scorcese’s Silence, a film about Christian martyrs in Japan, was nowhere to be seen upon its release. Instead, every local chain filled their theaters with screenings of Monster Trucks. But once a year, this problem fades into the background. The Chattanooga Film Festival brings truly wonderful selections to the region, offering true film fans a chance to see movies that would never be screened under any other circumstances. The CFF announced the first wave of programming, as well as opening night films, last week, and the always enthusiastic Executive Director Chris Dortch II had much to say about this year’s lineup. “As a lifelong cinephile I can confidently say I think we’ve constructed one of the most incredible and eclectic lineups of any American film festival this year,” he says, “Add in a CFF keynote speech by the partners of Company X, the newly formed
entity founded by SpectreVision’s Elijah Wood, Daniel Noah, Josh C. Waller and Lisa Whalen, our traditional CFF Secret Screenings—including a special workshop and secret screening presented by boutique production company Snowfort Pictures, live podcast recordings and cast-filled special screenings.” He continues, “Then remind yourself that this is only the first wave, and I think you’ll start to see what we’ve got on our hands here this year. We think this is nothing short than one of the coolest and purest celebrations of movie love in the country. To say we’re proud parents is an understatement. We hope our audience will love this year as much as we love them.”
FILM & TELEVISION
“Special events will include performances from fan favorites Everything Is Terrible, another incredible seminar by the patron saint of the festival Joe Bob Briggs, and a retirement party for divisive filmmaker Uwe Boll.” Special events will include performances from fan favorites Everything Is Terrible, another incredible seminar by the patron saint of the festival Joe Bob Briggs, and a retirement party for divisive filmmaker Uwe Boll (no word yet on any potential boxing matches with local film critics. I’ll decline in advance as I have no interest in getting beaten up). But as always, the films are the star. The full list can be found on the CFF website— chattfilmefest.org—but here are a few that stand out: Dave Made a Maze / Director: Bill Waterson Dave, an artist who has yet to complete anything significant in his career, builds a fort in his living room out
of pure frustration, only to wind up trapped by the fantastical pitfalls, booby traps, and critters of his own creation. Dave Made a Maze is Goonies meets Gilliam meets Gondry and we can’t wait to share it with our CFF 2017 audience on the giant downtown IMAX screen. On the Sly: In Search of the Family Stone / Director: Michael Rubenstone Director and super-fan Michael Rubenstone sets out in search of long-time reclusive funk legend, Sly Stone. Along the way, he meets with some success, but finds countless more failures in trying to capture a man who refuses to be contained. My Entire High School is Sinking into the Sea / Director: Dash Shaw An earthquake causes a high school to float into the sea, where it slowly sinks like a shipwreck in this animated film which features the
voices of Jason Schwartzman, Lena Dunham, Reggie Watts, Maya Rudolph and Susan Sarandon. David Lynch—The Art Life / Directors: Jon Nguyen, Rick Barnes David Lynch takes us on an intimate journey through the formative years of his life. From his idyllic upbringing in small town America to the dark streets of Philadelphia, we follow Lynch as he traces the events that have helped to shape one of cinema’s most enigmatic directors. David Lynch—The Art Life infuses Lynch’s own art, music and early films, shining a light into the dark corners of his unique world, giving audiences a better understanding of the man and the artist. As Lynch states “I think every time you do something, like a painting or whatever, you go with ideas and sometimes the past can conjure those ideas and color them, even if they’re new ideas, the past colors them.” These are just four of the fantastic films announced the first wave. Further waves are coming. There is always something for everyone at the Chattanooga Film Festival.
✴ ✴ NEW IN THEATERS ✴ ✴
Kong: Skull Island A team of explorers and soldiers travel to an uncharted island in the Pacific, unaware that they are crossing into the domain of monsters, including the mythic Kong. Director: Jordan Vogt-Roberts Stars: Tom Hiddleston, Samuel L. Jackson, Brie Larson, John C. Reilly
Raw When a young vegetarian undergoes a carnivorous hazing ritual at vet school, an unbidden taste for meat begins to grow in her. Director: Julia Ducournau Stars: Garance Marillier, Ella Rumpf, Rabah Nait Oufella, Laurent Lucas
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ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
So Much More Than A Collection Of Books Exploring the Chattanooga Library's Fourth Floor
J. Ronald M. York Discovers A Mysterious Family Secret The discovery of a box of letters exchanged between his parents while his father was in prison unravels a dark and confusing past that J. Ronald M. York details in his first book, “Kept in the Dark”. This Saturday, York will be stopping by Artists on the Loose from 1 to 4 p.m. to sign copies of his book, which was published in January. “Kept in the Dark” contains copies of 100 letters sent between York’s parents while his father spent eight weeks in prison on charges of child molestation. York was a young child at the time, and no one in his family ever mentioned this secret to him. He stumbled across the box of letters long after both of his parents had passed away, and he sought to reconnect the past; however, he also wanted to explain the positive impact his parents had on his life and how he dealt with making sense of the letters. In addition to making sense of his father’s past, York’s novel also discusses the role that religion, love and forgiveness played in his parent’s lives and how they were able to keep a secret of that depth for over 60 years. Be sure to stop by Artists on the Loose this weekend to meet the author of a very complex and compelling novel. — Addie Whitlow J. Ronald M. York Book Signing Saturday, 1 p.m. Artists on the Loose 1401 Williams Street (423) 321-8154 artistsontheloose.com 14 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
By Adam Beckett Pulse contributor
A
S IF THE PRETERNATURAL CAPABILITIES were not already being underutilized at libraries in general, a whole different star quality is being overlooked on the spellbinding fourth floor of the Public Library in Downtown Chattanooga; which has its very own set of wonders. Libraries already are mystical places that often times do not get a fighting chance to unleash their potential due to people overlooking them. The books that sit on the shelves hold whole universes inside of them. Once a reader taps into the books, they can learn how to do nearly anything imaginable; travel to various places in space and time, go on adventures, cast spells, slay dragons, the possibilities are truly endless. Books contain certain powers that can change lives, awaken imaginations, or set souls on fire, people just have to read them to ignite the wizardry. Once unlocked, libraries essentially are gateways that can magically open
portals into other realms and dimensions. The fourth floor of the Public Library has enchanting powers that comes from beyond the books. It has keys to imagination that will instigate creativity in everybody that steps foot into its sphere. The Area gives the public free access to extraordinarily powerful equipment that typically would be unobtainable for regular people to exploit daily. With a playing field that hosts equipment and activities such as a laser cutter, vinyl sticker plotter ($0.30 per square foot of vinyl), button creation area, virtual reality, 3D printing ($.0.06 per gram of PLA used), zine creation lab and library, oculus rifts for development and games, needle felting, power tools, hand tools, a soldering bench, 4K monitors, a mini soft box and lights for product photography, and the Giglab that gives users access to EPB’s commercial high speed gigabyte internet to hook their various devices into. The fourth floor also gives users access to state of the art software programs including the Adobe Creative Cloud and Adobe Illustrator. According to the Public Library, the primary vi-
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT
“The fourth floor of the Public Library has enchanting powers that comes from beyond the books. It has keys to imagination that will instigate creativity.” sion of the fourth floor is “a public laboratory and educational facility with a focus on information, design, technology, and the applied arts. The more than 12,000 square foot space hosts equipment, expertise, programs, events, and meetings that work within this scope. While traditional library spaces support the consumption of knowledge by offering access to media, the 4th floor is unique because it supports the production, connection, and sharing of knowledge by offering access to tools and instruction.” On typical days it is easy to be a sole operator of all of the equipment without having to wait a turn, and would not be out of the ordinary for a person to bounce
between creating something with the 3D printer, making buttons, engraving a piece of wood, making stickers, and playing a few games on the virtual reality for several hours without encountering another person besides the workers. Where it is great for the one person playing with all of the “toys”, it is a shame that the space is not being properly harnessed by the public. With a wide variety of mind bending games on the virtual reality, a line should be at the door simply for that one machine; there are countless entrancing reality warping games that are fun for all ages, and highly recommended. As far as the more creative facets are concerned, even the programs that seem to be very detailed and labyrinthine to operate just take a little tutoring. Where the capabilities of the machines are complex, the controlling does not have to be as difficult as it may seem. Library card holders can call the
library to schedule one on one sessions for any of the equipment, and operators will have even the most technologically declined members wielding the seemingly advanced equipment in no time. The zine creation lab and library is a phenomenal feature of the fourth floor. For those that are unaware, zines are small self-published books, magazines, and pamphlets that are about anything by anyone. Creating zines is a fantastic way for one to express their creative self, and the zine library contains some of the finest zines from across America and the United Kingdom. There is no better place to grasp the concept of zines and start creating them than the fourth floor. Creative people are scattered throughout Chattanooga and constantly looking for a way to express their creative selves. Many people are simply unaware of the innovative playground that sits in the heart of downtown, just waiting on them to come tap into it. Go play with the endless magic, Chattanooga, show them what you have been holding inside. Go unleash it, what are you waiting for?
THU3.9 Rent
It's the 20th anniversary of one of the most popular Brodway musical productions of all time. 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com
FRI3.10 Paddling by Moonlight
Head out after dark along the scenic Lookout Creek with special water guides. 7 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org
SAT3.11 Sensory Friendly Concert
Join the Chattanooga Symphony & Opera for a unique musical presentation. 11 a.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 15
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
Misty Ogle Art Reception
THURSDAY3.9 Breakfast of Champions 7:30 a.m. Tyner United Methodist Church 6805 Standifer Gap Rd. (423) 892-0444 tynerumc.org Ooltewah Farmers Market 3 p.m. Ooltewah Nursery 5829 Main St. (423) 238-9775 Ooltewahnursery.com Signal Mountain Farmers Market 4 p.m. Pruett’s Market 1210 Taft Hwy. (423) 902-8023 signalmountainfarmersmarket.com Misty Ogle Artist Reception 5 p.m. Reflections Gallery 6922 Lee Hwy. (423) 892-3072 reflectionsgallerytn.com Registration Session for Outdoor Ambassadors Outings Leader Program 5:30 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com Casting the Canvas 2: An Art-Inspired Performance by Ensemble Theatre of Chattanooga 6 p.m. Hunter Museum of Art 10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 267-0968
16 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
huntermuseum.org PSC Youth Photography Showcase 7 p.m. St. John’s United Methodist 3921 Murray Hills Dr. (423) 892-2257 stjohnumc.org Michael Kosta 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com O King: A Tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall 752 Vine St. (423) 425-4679 utc.edu/music Rent 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre
709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com
FRIDAY3.10 3rd Street Farmers Market 10:30 a.m. Erlanger Hospital Medical Mall 975 E. 3rd St. lookoutfarmersmarket.com Laughter Yoga 6:15 p.m. Toes Yoga 3228 Brainerd Rd. (423) 760-8375 toesyoga.com Paddling by Moonlight 7 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160
ENTERTAINMENT POTLIGHT Michael Kosta had made regular appearances on shows ranging from Chelsea Lately and The Tonight Show to The Comment Section on E! and starring in his own Comedy Central special. Michael Kosta The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
reflectionriding.org Michael Kosta 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
SATURDAY3.11 Gentle Yoga with the Jellies 8 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium 1 Broad St. (800) 262-0695 tnaqua.org Rump Run 8 a.m. Enterprise South Nature Park 8015 Volkswagen Dr. rumprun.com Special Education Transition Academy “Planning for Life After High School” 8 a.m. East Ridge High School 4320 Bennett Rd. (423) 639-0125 ext. 17 tnstep.org Shamrock City 8:30 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com Homebuyer Workshop 9 a.m. Chattanooga Neighborhood Enterprise 1500 Chestnut St. #102 (423) 756-6201 cneinc.org 2017 Market Vendor
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
Rump Run Conference 9 a.m. Tennessee Aquarium IMAX 201 Chestnut St. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com Certificate in Native Plants: Ferns and Mosses 9 a.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum and Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org Habitat for Humanity Women Build Breakfast 9 a.m. Chattanoogan Hotel 1201 Broad St. (423) 756-0507 habichatt.org Rummage Sale & Sunday School Bake Sale 9 a.m. Annunciation Greek Orthodox Church 722 Glenwood Dr. (423) 629-4881 annunciationgreek.org St. Alban’s Hixson Market 9:30 a.m. St. Alban’s Episcopal Church 7514 Hixson Pike (423) 842-6303 Northside Farmers Market 10 am. Northside Presbyterian Church 923 Mississippi Ave. (423) 266-7497 Chattanooga Lookouts FanFest 10 a.m. AT&T Field 201 Power Alley
(423) 267-2208 lookouts.com Brainerd Farmers Market 11 a.m. Grace Episcopal Church 20 Belvoir Ave. (404) 245-3682 Chattanooga Symphony & Opera Sensory Friendly Concert 11 a.m. Bessie Smith Cultural Center 200 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org Outdoor Ambassador Outings Leader Training and First Aid 12 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com J. Ronald M. York Book Signing 1 p.m. Artists on the Loose 1401 Williams St. artistsontheloose.com A Girl and A Gun— Meet and Greet 1 p.m. Shooter’s Supply 4824 Hixson Pike (423) 618-2347 agirlandagun.org Historical Tram Tour 1 p.m. Reflection Riding Arboretum & Nature Center 400 Garden Rd. (423) 821-1160 reflectionriding.org An Irish Spring Contra Dance 7:30 p.m.
Brainerd United Methodist 4315 Brainerd Rd. (423) 698-6951 brainerdumc.org Michael Kosta 7:30, 9:45 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com
SUNDAY3.12 Shamrock City 8:30 a.m. Rock City Gardens 1400 Patten Rd. (706) 820-2531 seerockcity.com Mendelssohn’s Elijah presented by the Chattanooga Bach Choir & Orchestra 3:30 p.m. Covenant Presbyterian Church 8451 E. Brainerd Rd. (423) 899-5377 covenantchattanooga.org Lisa Bohnwagner’s Art Demo and Playtime 6:30 p.m. Seed Goods 199 River St. (978) 225-0045 lisabohnwagner.com Michael Kosta 7:30 p.m. The Comedy Catch 1400 Market St. (423) 629-2233 thecomedycatch.com GuitarChattanooga Presents: Judicael Perroy in Concert
7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Humanities Auditorium 4501 Amnicola Hwy. (203) 508-4359 michael-mccallie. squarespace.com
MONDAY3.13 Red Bank Farmers Market 3 p.m. Red Bank United Methodist 3800 Dayton Blvd. (423) 838-9804 Learn to Ride a Bicycle Class 4 p.m. Outdoor Chattanooga 200 River St. (423) 643-6888 outdoorchattanooga.com CSO Etude & Prelude Winter Concert 5:30 p.m. Chattanooga School for the Arts & Sciences 865 E. 3rd St. (423) 267-8583 chattanoogasymphony.org Chattanooga Boys Choir and the University Singers of Florida State University 7 p.m. First Baptist Church 401 Gateway Ave. (423) 634-2299 chattanoogaboyschoir.org
TUESDAY3.14 Drawing Essentials 9 a.m. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 17
ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT CALENDAR
Black Coffee Discussion Series Townsend Atelier 301 E. 11th St. (423) 266-2712 townsendatelier.com East Brainerd Farmers Market 3 p.m. Audubon Acres 900 N. Sanctuary Rd. (423) 838-9804 lookoutfarmersmarket.com Make Your Own Blush 5:30 p.m. Elea Blake Cosmetics 835 Chestnut St. (423) 413-8978 thechattery.org Masterpiece Experience Wine Dinner 6 p.m. 212 Market St. (423) 702-7819 wtcitv.org Still Life Painting Boot Camp with Melissa Hefferlin 6 p.m. Townsend Atelier 301 E. 11th St. (423) 266-2712 townsendatelier.com Tuesday Night Chess Club 6 p.m. Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com Chattanooga Writers’ Guild 6 p.m. Downtown Library 1001 Broad St. (423) 643-7700 chattilibrary.com String Theory: Ricardo Morales, Gloria Chien, Miro String Quartet 6:30 p.m. Hunter Museum of American Art
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10 Bluff View Ave. (423) 414-2525 stringtheorymusic.org
WEDNESDAY3.15 Black Coffee Discussion Series 8 a.m. Jazzanooga Arts Space 431 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 402-0452 jazzanooga.org Chattanooga Market at Erlanger East 10:30 a.m. 1751 Gunbarrel Rd. (423) 648-2496 chattanoogamarket.com Main Street Market 4 p.m. 325 E. Main St. mainstfarmersmarket.com Still Life Painting Boot Camp with Melissa Hefferlin 6 p.m. Townsend Atelier 301 E. 11th St. (423) 266-2712 townsendatelier.com Jewish Film Series – “Harmonia” 7 p.m. Jewish Cultural Center 5461 North Terrace (423) 493-0270 jewishchattanooga.com Free Kittens Open Mic Comedy 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
FOOD & DRINK ∙ MIXOLOGY
A Beginners Guide To Red Wine There's a lot more to red wine than just the color. We're here to help. By Alex Plaumann Pulse contributor
O
NE OF THE HARDEST THINGS about diving into the unique, historical, and cultural realm of red wine is wondering where to start. It may seem a bit overwhelming, but as someone who recently immersed themselves in the unique world of wine, I can tell you with certainty, it’s not as intimidating as you think. When it comes to red wine there really is no right or wrong. Yes, there are many varieties of grapes, producers, and regions. But, what you taste and what you smell is personal. It’s all about tapping into the nostalgia of the nose and mouth. What do the smells and tastes remind you of? This is what I love about red wine. I love this because it tells you about that moment in history. The weather within that regional climate dictates so much about the production of that harvest. Was it overly rainy or dry that year? Was there any unique change in temperatures? Or maybe there was an event that defined a particular vintage. All the tastes and smells you experiences within a bottle of wine comes from all of these factors influencing the soil in which the vines grow. That’s why each year, the wine produced in the same vineyards, with the same vines will not taste or smell the exact same. They are truly unique to that year. So where should you start? Well, since I am still pretty new to the wine scene, I had to enlist the help of a professional. I asked Alison Matera, GM of Riverside Wine & Spirits Warehouse and WSET diploma holder for some guidance. There are a couple things to keep in mind. First, it’s not all about spending a lot
of money, especially when you first start trying red wine. Second thing to keep in mind is simple: if you want to learn about red wine there is only one way to do it, drink different kinds. When I sat down with Matera we discussed how she would guide a red wine newbie. “Start with something soft, like a Malbec from Argentina” Matera said. This will be a very approachable red, with smoother tannins (less astringent) and ripe fruit. Next Matera recommended trying some blended reds, like a Cabernet and Shiraz blend. This is a unique step, because when you realize the aspects you like of the particular blend, your local wine professional can then point you in the direction of a grape that may better suit your palate. This is when Matera reminded me that, “not all wines are created equal.” You may get a $12 bottle
“What you taste and what you smell is personal. It’s all about tapping into the nostalgia of the nose and mouth.” that drinks like a $20 bottle or vice versa. This is where your wine professional comes in handy. They have knowledge gained through their intense studies about regions and producers that the average drinker knows nothing about. Matera reiterated that you should “not feel intimated by red wine,” but to just embrace the new flavors you experience as you try new wines. So after you have started
with a softer red, and then tried a couple blends Matera said its time to explore some “varietals that do well in their native lands.” For example, the three Matera would recommend trying are the Grenache from the Rhone Valley in France, the Tempranillo from Spain, and the Pinot from the Russian River Valley in California. These red grapes are a great next step. The flavor profiles will be bolder and will have more complex notes both in smell and taste. This next step is really fun; because as Matera puts it, trying these reds will help you “taste the region.” So next time you walk into your preferred wine shop, don’t hesitate to ask for help and don’t focus on the price of the bottle. Choose what best fits you, then taste and smell the wine before diving into the history of the grape and region you choose.
CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 19
MUSIC
That Sweet Old Time Fiddler's Music The Great Old Time Southern Fiddlers’ Convention returns to the Lindsay Street Hall this weekend
Gino Fanelli Brings A Blast From The Musical Past The Motown musical spirit has made its way to Lookout Mountain courtesy of Gino Fanelli. With a self-described style of “1930’s New Orleans party jazz”, this formerly Detroit based guitarist has a cool on stage demeanor that is sure to fit right into Chattanooga’s music scene. With four shows in Chattanooga this week, you can catch Fanelli jamming out at The Social, on Thursday at 8 p.m. and Friday at 10 p.m. Fanelli will also be playing at 5 p.m. on Friday at Riverside Wine and Sprits with his last show taking place on Monday at 8 p.m. at the River City Dance Club. Yeah, he has a busy weekend planned. Fanelli is currently on a spring tour that is taking him all around the country. He was in Texas last week, and has now made his way to Tennessee before hitting other cities throughout the southeast. With a seasoned and refined sound, this talented guitarist puts on a consistent show, and has a smooth on stage presence that has helped book him shows at clubs and events around the country. Gino Fanelli’s jazz and western swing sound will transport you back to the sounds of the ‘20s and ‘30s. His unique and nostalgic sounds can be heard in heartfelt originally written songs such as, “Julie,” “Midnight River,” and “You Was Wrong.” Catch him this weekend at any one of his shows (or all of them, for that matter). You won’t be disappointed. — Alex Plaumann 20 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
Matt Downer. Photo by william johnson
By Marc T. Michael Pulse Music Editor
N
INETY YEARS AGO CHATTANOOGA was the epicenter of one of the largest and most esteemed music competitions in the United States. It was the All Southern Championship (fiddlers’ convention) and at a time when the world was sepia toned, it drew the most talented instrumentalists and thousands upon thousands of spectators to the city.
The competition was a booming success for over a decade until the economic hardships of the Second World War brought it to an end and that would be the end of the story were it not for the efforts of two men in particular. The first, Matt Downer, is a well-known figure in the local music scene. A phenomenally talented musician, an amateur musicologist, a devotee of all things to do with “old time” music and a hell of a guy, Matt revived the longforgotten contest in 2010, dubbing it the Great
MUSIC
Running With The Wolfhounds
“I think it speaks to the vitality and staying power of the music that ninety years later those songs are being performed just as they were back then.” Old Time Southern Fiddlers’ Convention. The revival was an instant hit and has continued to grow in popularity every year. For all the credit Matt deserves in bringing back the competition, it might never have happened were it not for efforts of a second man, a fellow named Ken Parr. “Of course I had always been a fan of the music but I had no idea of the history here in Chattanooga until Ken showed me a collection of articles from the mid-twenties he’d found from the Chattanooga Times and Chattanooga News,” Downer recounts. “There were competitions and festivals all over the country at the time but Chattanooga was the biggest of them all and it struck me as a shame that such a point of pride had been forgotten. I saw it as a rare opportunity to revive a bit of history.” The modern event is as true to the original as possible. Competitors perform just as their predecessors did nearly a century ago. “I think it speaks to the vitality and staying power of the music that nine-
ty years later those songs are being performed just as they were back then,” says Downer. “There is no other event like this anywhere. It is all old time music presented in an unfiltered, undiluted state," he explains. “No microphones, no amplification, just some of the best old time musicians from the Southeast coming together to whoop it up and celebrate old time music and our local heritage.” The event, once held at the then newly finished Memorial Auditorium, calls Lindsay Street Hall home these days and this weekend, March 11th, marks the seventh annual return of the Great Old Time Southern Fiddlers’ Convention. Located at 901 Lindsay Street, gates open at noon, performances begin at 1 p.m. and the contests kick off at 2 p.m. Competitive categories include fiddle, banjo, stringband, dance, and traditional song (vocal). Cash prizes are awarded for first, second and third place in each competition. Admission is $10 and children under six are free. For more information on either watching or competing, please visit oldchattanooga.com
Lovable Irish rogues the Wolfhounds have a full schedule this Paddy’s season and are looking for folks to slam pints with. The irrepressible duo of Brian Davis and Chris “Scooter” Armstrong have been busy since the release of their debut EP last St. Patrick’s Day, expanding their set list by several hours. Now the Guinness chugging boys whose music ranges from purely traditional to contemporary acousticpunk (think Pogues and DKM) are ushering in the holidays with a string of appearances beginning this weekend when they will be appearing as special guests Saturday and Sunday at the annual Shamrock City Celebration on Lookout Mountain. The following Friday, March 17th, they will take the stage at Leapin’ Leprechaun from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. before boogying over
to Honest Pint for another hot set at 7 p.m. The prodigal pair returns to the Pint as special guests the following evening for Party on the Parkway. Partiers will be treated to a sneak preview of some of the material for their upcoming second album and, with luck, may even spot Mr. Armstrong donning a plaid mini-skirt and playing the sort of bagpipe tunes that terrified the ancient enemies of the Scots. — Marc T. Michael
THU3.9
FRI3.10
SAT3.11
A Celebration of the Allman Brothers
MeLyn Thompson
Guy Marshall
Before there were “jam bands” there was the Allman Brothers. Come relive the glory days of '70s rock. 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co
Chattanooga born soungstress melds gospel, R&B, soul, classical, country and hip hop into one unique sound. 7:30 p.m. Jazzanooga Arts Space 431 E. MLK Blvd. jazzanooga.org
Mixing the sounds and styles of Bob Dylan, Levon Helm and Neil Young into what he calls Appalachian cowboy music. 10 p.m. Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 21
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
Rent
THURSDAY3.9 James Crumble Trio 6 p.m. St. John’s Meeting Place 1278 Market St. stjohnsrestaurant.com Rick Rushing Blues Jazz N’ Friends 6 p.m. Bluewater Grille 224 Broad St. bluewaterchattanooga.com Forever Bluegrass 6:30 p.m. Whole Foods Market 301 Manufacturers Rd. wholefoodsmarket.com Bluegrass and Country Jam 6:30 p.m. Grace Nazarene Church 6310 Dayton Blvd. (423) 877-9948 Prime Country Band 6:30 p.m. Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA (706) 260-8404 The Moth Ball 6:30 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com “O King” 7:30 p.m. Roland Hayes Concert Hall 615 McCallie Ave.
22 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
(423) 425-4679 utc.edu/music Bluegrass Thursdays 7:30 p.m. Feed Co. Table & Tavern 201 W. Main St. feedtableandtavern.com Jesse James & Tim Neal 7:30 p.m. Mexi-Wing VII 5773 Brainerd Rd. mexi-wingchattanooga.com Rent 8 p.m. Tivoli Theatre 709 Broad St. (423) 757-5580 tivolichattanooga.com Dance Party with Swimwear 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com Gino Fanelli
8 p.m. The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Open Mic with Hap Henninger 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com A Celebration of the Allman Brothers 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co
FRIDAY3.10 Gino Fanelli 5 p.m. Riverside Wine & Spirits 600 Manufactures Rd. (423) 267-4305
LIVE MUSIC SPOTLIGHT Jocelyn and Chris Arndt feature devastatingly powerful vocals & retro-rock guitar, with lyrics that run the gamut between vulnerable to all-out venomous. Jocelyn and Chris Arndt Friday, 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co
riversidewine.com Eddie Pontiac 6 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Taste of Nashville Writers’ Round Table 7 p.m. Cadence Coffee Company 16 Patten Pkwy tasteofnashvilletour.tumblr.com MeLyn Thompson 7:30 p.m. Jazzanooga Arts Space 431 E. MLK Blvd. (423) 402-0452 jazzanooga.org Road to Nightfall 8 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. chattanoogapresents.com GGOOLLDD, Airpark 8 p.m. JJ’s Bohemia 231 E. MLK Blvd. jjsbohemia.com
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
Greensky Bluegrass Danimal 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com The Hopeful Country Band 8:30 p.m. Motley’s 320 Emberson Dr. Ringgold, GA (706) 260-8404 DJ Victor Serene, The American Standard, Midnight Promise 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Bar & Grill 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Jocelyn and Chris Arndt 9 p.m. Revelry Room 41 Station St. revelryroom.co Amber Fults 9 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Charley Woods 9 p.m. Puckett's Grocery & Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com/Chattanooga The Get Right Band 10 p.m. Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Gino Fanelli 10 p.m. The Social 1110 Market St. publichousechattanooga.com Outlaw 45
10 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SATURDAY3.11 Great Southern Old Time Fiddlers Convention 2017 Noon 901 Lindsey St. oldchattanooga.com Bluegrass Brunch with Barefoot Nellie & Co. Noon The Honest Pint 35 Pattern Pkwy. thehonestpint.com Eddie Pontiac 6 p.m. El Meson 2204 Hamilton Place Blvd. elmesonrestaurant.com Binji Varsossa 6 p.m. Cancun Mexican Restaurant & Lounge 1809 Broad St. (423) 266-1461 Tim Lewis 7 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonchattanooga.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Road to Nightfall 8 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St.
chattanoogapresents.com Ben Sollee + Jordan Ellis 8 p.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Tim Grimm 8 p.m. Charles & Myrtle’s Coffeehouse 105 McBrien Rd. christunity.org Danimal 8:30 p.m. The Foundry 1201 Broad St. chattanooganhotel.com Get the Led Out 9 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. track29.co Hannah Thomas 9 p.m. Puckett's Grocery & Restaurant 2 W. Aquarium Way puckettsgro.com/Chattanooga Stonerpop, DeeJaye Luvv, Idyll Hensley 9 p.m. Ziggy’s Bar & Grill 607 Cherokee Blvd. ziggysbarandgrill.net Guy Marshall 10 p.m. Clyde’s On Main 122 W. Main St. clydesonmain.com Live Music 10 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Outlaw 45 10 p.m.
Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com
SUNDAY3.12 Lauds 9 a.m. The Camp House 149 E. MLK Blvd. thecamphouse.com Hannah Thomas 11 a.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Brooks Hubbard 1:30 p.m. Flying Squirrel Bar 55 Johnson St. flyingsquirrelbar.com Mendelssohn’s Elijah 3:30 p.m. Covenant Church 9256 Hixson Pike (423) 624-6303 chattanoogabachchoir.com Open Mic with Jeff Daniels 6 p.m. Long Haul Saloon 2536 Cummings Hwy. (423) 822-9775 Judicael Perroy in Concert 7:30 p.m. Chattanooga State Community College Humanities Auditorium 4501 Amnicola Hwy. michaelmccallieguitar. weebly.com Greensky Bluegrass 8 p.m. Track 29 1400 Market St. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 23
LIVE MUSIC CALENDAR
Earth, Wind & Fire track29.co Road to Nightfall 8 p.m. Miller Plaza 850 Market St. chattanoogapresents.com
MONDAY3.13 Open Air with Jessica Nunn 6 p.m. The Granfalloon 400 E. Main St. Granfalloonchattanooga.com Monday Nite Big Band 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Very Open Mic 8 p.m. The Well 1800 Rossville Blvd. #8 wellonthesouthside.com Gino Fanelli 8 p.m. River City Dance Club 105 N. Market St. rivercitydanceclub.com
TUESDAY3.14 Bill McCallie and In Cahoots 6:30 p.m. Southern Belle Riverboat 201 Riverfront Pkwy. chattanoogariverboat.com Open Mic with Mike McDade 8 p.m. Tremont Tavern 1203 Hixson Pike tremonttavern.com
24 • THE PULSE • MARCH 9, 2017 • CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM
WEDNESDAY3.15 Eddie Pontiac 5:30 p.m. El Meson 248 Northgate Park elmesonrestaurant.com Jimmy Harris 7 p.m. The Coconut Room 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Joel Clyde 8 p.m. The Office @ City Cafe 901 Carter St. citycafemenu.com Earth, Wind and Fire 8 p.m. Memorial Auditorium 399 McCallie Ave. tivolichattanooga.com John Haynes 8 p.m. Bud’s Sports Bar 5751 Brainerd Rd. budssportsbar.com Priscilla & Little Rickee 8 p.m. Las Margaritas 1101 Hixson Pike (423) 756-3332 The Prime Cut Trio 9 p.m. The Palms at Hamilton 6925 Shallowford Rd. thepalmsathamilton.com Map these locations on chattanoogapulse. com. Send event listings at least 10 days in advance to: calendar@chattanoogapulse.com
RECORD REVIEWS ∙ ERNIE PAIK
Michael Bundt Electri City, ChenKaiser-Smith-Winant Ocean of Storms sical piece. One might be rightfully sick of the constant exhumation of ‘80s material and the aping of new-wave styles, but Electri City is one noteworthy exception and the best of Bundt’s three solo albums.
Michael Bundt Electri City (Bureau B)
G
erman musician Michael Bundt’s third and final solo album from 1980, Electri City, is certainly dated—I mean, for crying out loud, look at the cover art—but that’s not a bad thing. Not all music has to sound timeless or completely divorced from the time period in which it was made. However, the problem arises when music does not age well, sometimes implying that its contemporary success was partially due to novelty or lazily conforming to a trend. Electri City, lovingly reissued by the Krautrock and electronic music label Bureau B, sounds just as charmingly creative today as it likely did in 1980, with playful and offcenter synthesizer instrumentals with a pop listenability. While Kraftwerk might be one point of comparison, Bundt goes a little wilder and less robotic, with modulating and warping synth tones, and this writer feels like he leans more toward, say, Dutch electronic pioneers, the BBC Radiophonic Workshop and TONTO’s Expanding Head Band rather than most of his new-wave contemporaries. Electri City was made in
Chen, Kaiser, Smith, Winant Ocean of Storms (Fractal)
Bundt’s studio on a four-track recorder, but it has a professional quality and makes heavy use of a PPG synth, which bears certain similarities to Moog products. It seems like Bundt cannot stop fiddling with knobs—for example, on “Android’s Wedding,” which is even weirder than its title suggests, the synth lines are treated with extreme envelope effects, making the notes waver non-stop, among beats that also constantly change timbres. Bundt occasionally uses field recordings, such as laughter on “Full Steam Ahead” or sped-up samples of nearly comical, ecstatic gasps on “Lunatic Love Song” among noisy rattling (on a related note, Bundt and collaborator Peter Seiler scored the 1976 adult film Dreamdancer). A more disquieting carnality appears on “Metagony” with tense panting among unnerving rings of an unanswered phone. Another highlight is the nine-minute track “The March of the Martians” which has a sort of sleazy sci-fi feel to it, with percussive splats and stimulating counterpoint that is—no joke—worthy of a clas-
W
ith tracks named after different geographic features of the moon, Ocean of Storms brings together four distinguished improvisers in various configurations, evoking a clarity of vision while holding secrets and a certain precariousness. In other words, while there’s a bit of wandering and toedipping, once a certain idea rises to the surface out of obscurity, the players can articulate it adeptly, more often than not. Guitarist Henry Kaiser—one of the most revered free-improvising guitarists—and trumpeter Wadada Leo Smith—a significant force of avant-garde jazz and a member of the Association for the Advancement of Creative Musicians—have known each other for four decades with collaborations such as the Yo Miles! project paying tribute to Miles Davis’ electric fusion work. American percussionist William Winant has had a long, versatile career in diverse genres from modern classical to rock, with the likes of John Zorn and Mr. Bungle, and British pianist Tania Chen has built up her reputation with interpretations of John Cage and Morton Feldman. “Bay of Honor” begins the hour-length album with the full quartet; with piercing, clear and sustained trumpet notes, Smith sounds like there’s a spotlight shining on
him, among Winant’s bowed cymbals and Kaiser’s crunchy guitar textures. Chen’s sparing notes are veiled and stand out by not standing out in this ensemble (if that makes sense). Among the aural fog with wistful squeaks and what sounds like swaying metallic wind chimes, Smith offers a few rocketing trumpet sequences. On “Sea of Crisis,” Smith opts for a brash tone, going between noises and notes and sometimes blowing breathy raspberries, while Kaiser plays with ringing harmonics on his 13-string harp guitar; an uneasy serenity is at play, with Winant complementing the slow burn with bells and metallophone notes. “Lake of Time” is a piano/ trumpet duet, with Smith presenting a panorama of timbres, from clear to cloudy; Chen’s placid piano has a patient, restrained approach, with just a little eventual scampering that largely avoids chords for a monophonic approach with the damper pedal down to let tones linger. “Montes Spitzbergen” offers a mixed bag of sounds, with Kaiser scratching his guitar and running his fingers across the strings, and Winant breathes heavily while bouncing his mouth harp, later twiddling with a kalimba (thumb piano) and rubbing a tambourine. The album’s best track is its final, ominous number, “AlKwarizimi,” with sick squeals on the guitar, Chen’s persistent foundation with an occasional treble cluster and Winant playing what sounds like timpani with the pitch pedal constantly being varied, adding to a forceful chaotic hailstorm of distinct musical personalities. CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 25
FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
The List
attention, Taurus, because I believe your mandate is just the opposite, at least for the next few weeks: You must belong to what is where you are. You must belong to what you will always be.
How Social Are We Online? ROB BREZSNY
Let's face it, we live in the era of the social network. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and more seem to dominate our interactions with other people. But how many of us are really that social online? Surprisingly, only 58% of Americans are active on any social network. The top networks in the U.S.? 1. 2. 3. 4.
Facebook: 56% LinkedIn: 14% Twitter: 11% Google+: 9%
But how does that add up to the number of people? Worldwide, the numbers get a bit staggering. • • • • • • • •
Facebook: 1,374,000,000 Google+: 347,000,000 LinkedIn: 336,000,000 Instagram: 302,000,000 Twitter: 289,000,000 Tumblr: 237,000,000 Snapchat: 113,000,000 Pinterest: 73,500,000
To put this in perspective, if Facebook were a country, it would be the second most populous, right behind China. Source: statisticbrain.com/socialnetworking-statistics/
PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): If you normally wear adornments and accessories and fine disguises, I invite you not to do so for the next two weeks. Instead, try out an unembellished, what-you-see-is-what-youget approach to your appearance. If, on the other hand, you don’t normally wear adornments and accessories and fine disguises, I encourage you to embrace such possibilities in a spirit of fun and enthusiasm. Now you may inquire: How can these contradictory suggestions both apply to the Pisces tribe? The answer: There’s a more sweeping mandate behind it all, namely: to tinker and experiment with the ways you present yourself… to play around with strategies for translating your inner depths into outer expression. ARIES (March 21-April 19): As soon as you can, sneak away to a private place where you can be alone—preferably to a comfy sanctuary where you can indulge in eccentric behavior without being seen or heard or judged. When you get there, launch into an extended session of moaning and complaining. I mean do it out loud. Wail and whine and whisper about everything that’s making you sad and puzzled and crazy. For best results, leap into the air and wave your arms. Whirl around in erratic figure-eights while drooling and messing up your hair. Breathe extra deeply. And all the while, let your pungent emotions and poignant fantasies flow freely through your wild heart. Keep on going until you find the relief that lies on the other side. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): “I’ve always belonged to what isn’t where I am and to what I could never be,” wrote Portuguese writer Fernando Pessoa (1888-1935). That was his prerogative, of course. Or maybe it was a fervent desire of his, and it came true. I bring his perspective to your
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GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Nothing is ever as simple as it may seem. The bad times always harbor opportunities. The good times inevitably have a caveat. According to my astrological analysis, you’ll prove the latter truth in the coming weeks. On one hand, you will be closer than you’ve been in many moons to your ultimate sources of meaning and motivation. On the other hand, you sure as hell had better take advantage of this good fortune. You can’t afford to be shy about claiming the rewards and accepting the responsibilities that come with the opportunities. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Seek intimacy with experiences that are dewy and slippery and succulent. Make sure you get more than your fair share of swirling feelings and flowing sensations, cascading streams and misty rain, arousing drinks and sumptuous sauces, warm baths and purifying saunas, skin moisturizers and lustrous massages, the milk of human kindness and the buttery release of deep sex—and maybe even a sensational do-it-yourself baptism that frees you from at least some of your regrets. Don’t stay thirsty, my undulating friend. Quench your need to be very, very wet. Gush and spill. Be gushed and spilled on. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Would you like to live to the age of 99? If so, experiences and realizations that arrive in the coming weeks could be important in that project. A window to longevity will open, giving you a chance to gather clues about actions you can take and meditations you can do to remain vital for ten decades. I hope you’re not too much of a serious, know-it-all adult to benefit from this opportunity. If you’d like to be deeply receptive to the secrets of a long life, you must be able to see with innocent, curious eyes. Playfulness is not just a winsome quality in this quest; it’s an essential asset. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You’re ripe. You’re delectable. Your intelligence is especially sexy. I think it’s time to unveil the premium version of your urge to merge. To prepare, let’s review a few flirtation strategies. The eyebrow flash is a good place to start. A subtle, flicking lick of your
Homework: For an hour, act as if you’re living the life you’ve always wanted to. Testify at Freewillastrology.com lips is a fine follow-up. Try tilting your neck to the side ever-so-coyly. If there are signs of reciprocation from the other party, smooth your hair or pat your clothes. Fondle nearby objects like a wine glass or your keys. And this is very important: Listen raptly to the person you’re wooing. P.S.: If you already have a steady partner, use these techniques as part of a crafty plan to draw him or her into deeper levels of affection. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Let’s talk about a compassionate version of robbery. The thieves who practice this art don’t steal valuable things you love. Rather, they pilfer stuff you don’t actually need but are reluctant to let go of. For example, the spirit of a beloved ancestor may sweep into your nightmare and carry off a delicious poison that has been damaging you in ways you’ve become comfortable with. A bandit angel might sneak into your imagination and burglarize the debilitating beliefs and psychological crutches you cling to as if they were bars of gold. Are you interested in benefiting from this service? Ask and you shall receive. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Evolved Scorpios don’t fantasize about bad things happening to their competitors and adversaries. They don’t seethe with smoldering desires to torment anyone who fails to give them what they want. They may, however, experience urges to achieve TOTAL CUNNNG DAZZLING MERCILESS VICTORY over those who won’t acknowledge them as golden gods or golden goddesses. But even then, they don’t indulge in the deeply counterproductive emotion of hatred. Instead, they sublimate their ferocity into a drive to keep honing their talents. After all, that game plan is the best way to accomplish something even better than mere revenge: success in fulfilling their dreams. Please keep these thoughts close to your heart in the coming weeks. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “The noble art of music is the greatest treasure in the world,” wrote Martin Luther (1483-1546), a revo-
lutionary who helped break the stranglehold of the Catholic Church on the European imagination. I bring this up, Sagittarius, because you’re entering a phase when you need the kind of uprising that’s best incited by music. So I invite you to gather the tunes that have inspired you over the years, and also go hunting for a fresh batch. Then listen intently, curiously, and creatively as you feed your intention to initiate constructive mutation. Its time to overthrow anything about your status quo that is jaded, lazy, sterile, or apathetic. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “Either you learn to live with paradox and ambiguity or you’ll be six years old for the rest of your life,” says author Anne Lamott. How are you doing with that lesson, Capricorn? Still learning? If you would like to get even more advanced teachings about paradox and ambiguity—as well as conundrums, incongruity, and anomalies—there will be plenty of chances in the coming weeks. Be glad! Remember the words of Nobel Prize-winning physicist Niels Bohr: “How wonderful that we have met with a paradox. Now we have some hope of making progress.” AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Lichen is a hardy form of life that by some estimates covers six percent of the earth’s surface. It thrives in arctic tundra and rainforests, on tree bark and rock surfaces, on walls and toxic slag heaps, from sea level to alpine environments. The secret of its success is symbiosis. Fungi and algae band together (or sometimes fungi and bacteria) to create a blended entity; two very dissimilar organisms forge an intricate relationship that comprises a third organism. I propose that you regard lichen as your spirit ally in the coming weeks, Aquarius. You’re primed for some sterling symbioses. Rob Brezsny is an aspiring master of curiosity, perpetrator of sacred uproar, and founder of the Beauty and Truth Lab. He brings a literate, myth-savvy perspective to his work. It’s all in the stars.
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OPINIONS & DIVERSIONS
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JONESIN' CROSSWORD ∙ MATT JONES
“Indiana Jones: A Day in the Life”—grab a fedora... ACROSS 1 His treehouse inspired the “Treehouse of Horror” 5 Manufactured 9 First full month of spring 14 “On the Waterfront” director Kazan 15 Musk of Tesla Motors 16 Livelihood 17 Indy gets in his ___ and drives, only to miss a stray blowgun missile ... 19 Arcade coin 20 Pilfer 21 Kremlin denial 23 “You’re not fully clean ...” soap 24 Maya of Vietnam Memorial fame 26 Hindu prince’s title 28 BLT spread 31 Indy turns on his car radio to hear “Wild Wild West” band ___, narrowly avoiding being bludgeoned by a nearby motorist ... 37 ___ Bator (Mongolia’s capital) 38 ___ Wall (“American Ninja Warrior” fixture) 39 Before, to Byron
40 Island nation southeast of Fiji 42 “The Doors” star Kilmer 43 Mirror reflection 45 A billion years 46 Jane who played Daphne on “Frasier” 49 Rehab candidate 50 Indy orders ___ at the restaurant, only to avoid servers flinging meat ... (and why’d it have to be THIS meat?) 52 Health clinic leaflet subjects, for short 53 10th grader, for short 54 Up to this point 56 “Jeopardy!” creator Griffin 59 “The Untouchables” agent Eliot 62 Like hairpin turns 66 Adjust to fit 68 Finally, Indy’s ready to come home, turn on some cartoons, and watch ___, only to avoid his neighbor who won’t stop with the stories ... 70 When hell freezes over 71 Jai ___ (fastpaced game)
72 They’re the top brass 73 Derisive 74 Dome-shaped tent 75 Career honor not accomplished by LinManuel Miranda at this year’s Oscars DOWN 1 Hotel needs 2 In a big way 3 Take the bus 4 Girl Scout Cookie with peanut butter and chocolate 5 Rx order 6 Late “Hannity & Colmes” cohost Colmes 7 Nemo’s successor? 8 Respond in court 9 Part of D.A. 10 Drug in an Elizabeth Wurtzel title 11 Pick up debris, perhaps 12 “Julius Caesar” date 13 Time to give up? 18 Peyton’s brother 22 Finish line, metaphorically 25 Unopened in the box 27 Skywalker, e.g. 28 Shuts the sound off 29 Give it ___ 30 “Live at the
Acropolis” keyboardist 32 Fix a bad situation, superhero-style 33 Lust after 34 Superlatively minimal 35 Advised strongly 36 Oktoberfest quaffs 41 Like Charlie Parker’s sax 44 Necessity 47 Sports channel owned by Disney 48 Observatory’s focus 51 Answered an invitation 55 Suffix denoting extremeness 56 “The Wrong ___” (James Corden BBC series) 57 Barbara of “I Dream of Jeannie” 58 Norah Jones’s father 60 “Star Trek” crewman 61 “The Lion King” villain 63 Character retired by Sacha Baron Cohen 64 Forfeited wheels 65 “Hey, over here” 67 “Boyz N the Hood” character 69 Model airplane purchase
Copyright © 2017 Jonesin’ Crosswords. For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per3minute. Must be 18+ to call. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle No. 822 CHATTANOOGAPULSE.COM • MARCH 9, 2017 • THE PULSE • 29
COLUMN ∙ ON THE BEAT
Just Another Day On The Job Officer Alex turns the other cheek during a routine traffic stop
Alex Teach
Pulse columnist
I
WAS VULNERABLE. I ADMIT THIS. I had seen a wonderful movie the night before that had completely put me off my game, or at least allowed me to adjust my mental armor in such a way that I was willing to give life—and apparently my customers—a second chance. I felt really good about this, but how couldn’t I? The flick itself had presented itself as a drama, but it ended up being like a romance or something. I saw it alone (it just works out better that way) and to cut to the chase, it was a movie about a man who had lived long enough to see countless strangers die as well as more than one person he loved die in his arms, big as life, and he was slowly dying inside from both this pain and an actual disease slowly killing him from within, and at the end? (SPOILER ALERT if you know what movie I’m talking about and haven’t seen it yet.) He is finally allowed to just…damn… die. And it was amazing. Oh, there was some other stuff that happened, but that’s basically the gist of it. I mean obviously, I was terribly drunk at the time, but I’m pretty sure that was the plot in a nutshell. So here I am, “high on end of life” and giddy at the thought of the movie’s uncharacteristically happy ending, and I pull a guy over for doing 80 in a 55 zone. I popped open the car door after radioing in and giving a quick check of the tag and
decide to see where this borrowed joy takes me. “Hello, sir!” I said with a rare non-sarcastic smile. “I’m Officer Teach with the local police department. Do you know why I’ve pulled you over?” “Because you’re a fascist, that’s why. You just saw the COEXIST sticker. Don’t treat me like an imbecile,” my patron said. “No!” I said, not missing a beat. “You were doing 80 in a 55. You actually passed me in my police car here. I’m going to need to see your driver’s license and proof of insurance. Do you have an emergency?” “Well apparently I do,” the wellcoiffed driver said. “I’m probably about to be killed for resisting or something. I know your type.” I paused but maintained the smile. (It felt weird.) He continued but now with cell phone in hand, clearly recording at long last. “Actually officer, no. This is harassment. If you want me out of this car you’re just going to have to drag me out.” Again, I paused, but immediately decided to flip the script. “You know? I’m just going to go back to my car. You have a good day. You’re free to go.” And with that, I stepped away. Out, gone— I was walking away. Any cop leaving or approach-
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ing a car that wants to live to see tomorrow doesn’t miss a trick, so when I heard the snap of the Subaru’s driver door popping open I was aware of it, but I kept my head about me.
which to break out his own back window. Full disclosure? Back in the Day this high-strung cat would already be face down on my hood and enroute to the back seat, but he was just expressing himself. And we all have the right to give in to our feelings now, don’t we? I leaned my head out the window to say for the last time, “Okay! Leaving now! You be well!” And at this Mr. Subaru only let his jaw drop and dropped the pipe. I could still hear glass falling in increments, as safety glass tends to do. “You come back here! Nazi! Racist scum!” Don’t think less of me; this is how it works. I deal with people, treat them with respect, and in response they tend to occasionally break their own shit in some kind of effort to prove. Okay, some kind of effort to show that…well now that I mention it I don’t know why people decide breaking their own stuff is a good idea, but what was I going to do about it? I’d just seen the best movie in years. “So this is what it’s like…?” the main character said at the end. Lucky bastard.
“Back in the Day this high-strung cat would already be face down on my hood and enroute to the back seat, but he was just expressing himself. And we all have the right to give in to our feelings now, don’t we?” “What? You can’t just walk away like that!” Mr. Subaru screamed. “You come right back here!” he slapped his rear window with a fist. I had just reached my driver’s door handle, and yanked it open. “You have a good day sir,” I said. “No! No! You can’t just leave!” Subaru screamed. “This is an injustice!” He punctuated that last word by pounding a fist against his Foresters tail gate hard enough to dent it. I was now sliding behind the wheel of my Crown Vic. “Okay, bye sir,” I said with a dismissive wave. “You’re kind of freaking me out. Go ahead and leave. Be well.” Bizarrely, Subaru was almost in a blind rage now. “You can’t just pull me over because I’m ‘white’! I know you saw the bumper stickers! Racist! This is racism!” He then reached in and grabbed a metal object with
When officer Alexander D. Teach is not patrolling our fair city on the heels of the criminal element, he spends his spare time volunteering for the Boehm Birth Defects Center.
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